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Thirty Years On...
By Phyllis Frye
I just wanted to send out some encouragement that as bad as things seem to be for
the simple rights of lgbt folks (or lesbigatrs) things are getting better. Last
weekend I went to the first of my two 30 year high school reunions for this summer
and had a terrific time. Let me explain.
I grew up in San Antonio, Texas. I lived on the northwest side just inside
the loop and went to Arnold Elementary and Whittier Jr High. Most of those
folks that I went to these two schools with went on to Edison High while
myself and a few others went to Jefferson. I went to Jefferson because it
had an ROTC program. This was in the early 60's, the draft was still around.
My family is Texas A&M both by degree and osmosis which had a large ROTC
program and it was felt that ROTC at Jefferson would be a good step. (It was as I
became Corps Commander in high school with two rifle team letters and obtained a
four year ROTC scholarship.) The point of this is that although I went to
Jefferson and enjoyed it and did well and have attended several of their reunions
(and will its 30th in late July, more then) I wanted to remeet some of the people
that I'd known since the first grade in 1954.
What did I expect going in? Well, I knew that the man who'd arranged it was
a long time friend -- my spouse and I stay with he and his wife in their home
several times each year when we go to San Antonio. Beyond that, I figured that
there would be some folks who would be glad to see me, that there would be some
who would glare or be ugly and the rest would just kind of sit on the fence and do
nothing either way while they sorted it out.
What did I actually experience? Not one, not a single rude remark or ugly
look. Not one. I was emersed in good will and hugs and laughter and more
good will. There were a few whose body language told me they were either
confused or uncertain, but even these people were polite and of good manner.
I was especially happy because about six guys that I'd had bad feelings with in
junior high 33 years ago (yes, those memories stick, don't they) were all, to a
person, very nice and very friendly.
What am I saying to you by telling you this? Take a chance. Reach out.
Come out. Closets are for clothes, not people. I will never know which of
you will be helped because someone at that Edison Reunion will end up in your
employment or church or neighborhood or family. Similarly by your doing the same
thing and letting people see us tg folks as people (not as stereotypes) though
your presence, other doors will open somewhere for someone.
And one other comment. During the past twelve months, I've begun to wear my
TG Menace t-shirt most everywhere that I go. My bank, the grocery, RX,
moviehouse, Mickey D type fast food and others. (I say "TG" Menace because
ICTLEP printed up new shirts that say transgender menace since transexual
does not include the full community.) Not a single adverse reaction. With
all of the adverse and obnoxious t-shirts that people wear today, most folks
don't even notice. Several have read it and a few has asked me. Their
reactions have been positive. So be proud. Get a t-shirt and wear it
everywhere. As out as I am, because I pass so very well, I am not in fact
out unless people know me. So it isn't a fair test when I go out, and it
educates no one when I pass. With a TG Menace shirt on, I AM OUT. People
learn. And not a single adverse experience to date. (No guantees on that,
just my personal experience.)
And finally: may I please share with you that Trish and I will celebrate our 23rd
(legally married) wedding anniversay this Sunday, the 23rd of June.
When we married, she had knowledge of what could happen and had seen me many
times crossdressed. I lasted as a man for three more years. We will have been
married as women for 20 of those 23.
WHAT IS THE POINT TO ALL OF THIS? It is to encourage you. If I can do what
I do, then you can creak open you closet door a lot more, put your toe in the
deeper water and experience a lot more freedom. It is 1996 after all. Let's get
one with living full and complete lives.
Have fun and I love you all. I am so proud of your growth and evolution as a
community.
Phyllis Frye is Executive Director of the International Conference on Transgender Law and Employment Policy and an attorney in Houston, Texas.
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