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The Vampire's Lair






Questions and Answers

Here are some more questions and answers from my e-mailbag!

Q: I love wearing dark lip colors, but when I apply them they look sloppy. How can I make them look neater?
A: You'll get neater results if you outline your lips with a lip pencil that matches your lipstick. If you can't draw a smooth line, try drawing a dot at the top of each point on your upper lip. Next, draw two dots on the bottom lip beneath the ones on the top. Outline your lips by drawing short lines between the dots and corners of your mouth. Apply your lipstick with a brush, working from the center of your lips outward. Stick with softer and creamier, not matte, lipsticks.

Q: Is it true that if you wear deep-colored nail polish every day your nails will become permanently yellow?
A: No. The pigment used in dark nail polish can give nails a yellow tint, but any damage or dicoloration to nails will eventually grow out as old cells are replaced with new ones. Apply a clear base coat under your darker polish to help protect your nails. Buffing them with a stiff-bristled nail brush and then washing with a little warm water and soap may help lighten the stain. Certain fungal infections can also give nails a yellow cast. If the nail begins to separate from the bed or becomes thick and crusty, you may need to see a doctor for treatment.

Q: My lash adhesive seems to have taken on a yellow-brownish hue and smells funny. What's wrong?
A: Ardell Lash Grip Eyelash Adhesive has a shelf life of approximately two to three months before it turns stale. Stale glue is inconsistent and watery.

Q: How do I remove artificial nails?
A: Try a product called Fast N Easy Artificial Nail Remover by Nailene. The kit comes with a bottle of nail remover solution and a small white box with bristles lined inside it. You pour the solution into the box and insert your hand into the box soaking your fingers for about 20 to 30 minutes. The solution melts the nails off your fingertips and the bristles help swipe away at the melted gloop.

Products to avoid are UltraGel by Cosmar Corp and 5 Second Gel Glue Remover by IBD. Cosmar usually has decent drugstore brand nail products, but this product sucks. If anyone has any luck with any of the gel nail products, let me know. 5 Second Gel Glue Remover is supposed to dissolve nail glue so you can remove your artificial nails. It doesn't work. You can soak your nails in the gloop all day and your nails won't lift.

The unfortunate thing about drugstore nail products is that the industry isn't quite as stable as with other beauty products. A great new method or product may be invented one day only to be gone the next. Often, this has little to do with the quality of the product, but rather has everything to do with the support for it. If you like a certain product and you find it useful, then buy lots of that product and tell your friends about it. Persuade them to buy that product, too, otherwise your favorite product may find a very short life.

Q: What's a good look for this season?
A: Emphasize your lips. To create a perfect red mouth, a classic look that's strong again this season, define your lips first with a red lip pencil, then brush on a similarly hued lipstick. Keep your eye makeup simple. Well-defined eyebrows and a little mascara are all you really need. Tweeze away any stray eyebrows at the first sign of regrowth. Try using Revlon's new Sure Grip tweezer, which has large non-slip handles. For mascara, try L'Oreal's Voluminous Volume Building Mascara. It's one of the best mascaras available and it's inexpensive, too.

Q: What about the heroine addict look with the eyeshadow around the eyes?
A: That look was never in. Looks like that stay on the runway because normal people would never look good as heroine addicts.

Q: I think I've got this makeup thing mastered. Can you give me that one crucial tip that will help push me over the top? I'm almost there, I can feel it.
A: The best advice I can give you in your situation is to relax. Makeup almost always looks better when it is applied by someone else. Why? Because the person doing your makeup is usually relaxed and having fun. If you want to give yourself an awesome makeover, you will have to pretend as if you are working your magic on someone else. Failing that, try setting the mood with relaxing music. I find Anita Baker to be very good relaxation music, excellent for makeup application. Relax and have some fun making yourself look beautiful.

Q: You look very sexy in your photos. Where do you buy your clothes from? Where do you buy your boy clothes from?
A: Thank you! Unlike many other queens, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I wear only Gucci and Armani crap. I buy my clothes from every type of store imaginable, from cheap mall stores like Express and Contempo to gaudy stores like Gantos to fabulous little boutiques like Smith Brothers (Clothes for Girls and Guys) in Manyunk, Philadelphia. As you can tell from my photos, I'm into a very simple style of clothing that emphasizes the shape of my body moreso than hides my flawed areas. I'm proud of what I've achieved through natural means and that means - please read my lips - no hormones and no plastic surgery! The only thing that's faux natural (as opposed to au natural) is my foam-padded lower torso and my breast forms!

I buy my boy clothes from department stores. I like a preppy look during the day at my workplace: turtleneck, sweater, and khakis. Sometimes I can wear my girl turtlenecks underneath my sweaters. Turtlenecks for women are usually softer than turtlenecks for men. This may sound like a mass generalization, however, unlike men's clothing, women's clothing is usually not limited to one kind of cotton. There are some soft and plush fabrics used in women's clothing that are just not used in men's clothing. Women's turtlenecks also quite a bit shorter both in sleeve length and overall length, so a medium in women's is usually a small in men's.

Q: How do I determine the best breast size for my body?
A: The next time you are fully crossdressed, get someone to take some photos of you from all angles, frontwise and sidewise. Study these photos with an objective eye and see if you feel your breasts are too big, too small, or just right. Get a second opinion from an honest friend. This is going to sound harsh, but don't trust the opinions of anyone whom you feel isn't very passable as a woman (some genetic women aren't even passable as women).

Some crossdressers are inherent perverts and simply love to look at themselves in their crossdressed selves, not caring how passable they are. If you are one of these crossdressers and you wish to someday pass as a woman, you must learn to criticize yourself harshly to fix any flaws you may have.

That being said, your chest and hip measurements should be within two inches of one another. Take a look at every well-balanced female out there. The feminine ideal is something like 36-24-36, 36-24-38, or 38-24-36. How well you mimic this ideal will determine how sexy you look, however, do not be discouraged if your body is not within these proportions (mine aren't and I know hardly anyone who is). What you want to do is to try to give yourself an hourglass shape. Padding your hips out is a necessity for most men.

When you first pad your hips, you may overdo it and you will look "hippy." Attempting to balance out a hippy figure with overly huge breasts will not help your realism factor. Use padding that will give you another four inches of hip measurement and balance your figure with breasts to match. Most crossdressers will find that a B or a C cup is fine. If you are very thin, then an A or B is fine. If you are heavy, then a C should suffice. Any more is overdoing it. A D or greater is overkill unless you are going for a Jayne Mansfield look.

Q: Recently I got my first pair of heels. What is the correct way to walk in high heels without wobbling and looking awkward? Do I walk with heels in front of toes in a straight line, or is it side to side in a V-shaped stride? Your advice is greatly appreciated because I don't want to look like it's my first time wearing heels.
A: Walking in heels is a cinch, that is, after you get the hang of it. It's not as hard as you might think. Just start by planting one foot in front of the other. Keep your back straight and your head high, and step forward, first placing your toes on the floor, then your heel. It's what people refer to as the toe-heel technique. First the toes, then the heel. Normally, when we wear flat shoes, we do the opposite: first the heel, then the toes. This is fine when you're wearing flats, but if you're in spikes, your heels, which will be highly elevated, will provide you with minimal support and balance. Also, practice wearing your heels well ahead of the big day. Walk around the house in them, but avoid slippery areas like the just-waxed kitchen floor.

Would you like to learn more about Kalina? Then take a look at her fabulous Web site!

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