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No Trick, No Treat

By Jennifer Lynn

I didn't get dressed up and go out for Halloween... this year or last. The truth be told I never have gone out en femme for Halloween. I have never have participated in what is termed in the Transgender community as our "high holy holiday." Strange EH?

My lack of participation in the past has been due to many of the same factors that, I imagine, affect all of us. You know the excuses....

"I have to take the kids out tricker-treating"

"What if someone figures out I like this?"

How about the ever popular (spoken in a NYC WHINE) "I've got nothing to weeaaaar!"

In truth, I can claim none of these reasons or excuses this year. You see I have passed, what is for me, a crossroads of sorts. Just another in the many milestones that will hopefully take me to place where I will carve a place for Jennifer in my life.

Simply put, I couldn't go out 'dressed up' as on a woman pretending to be something I am! That is, if only within my personal definition of that term, a woman. Well, at least more woman than man. Not all of the time and certinally not in the accepted medical/hormonal/ genital sense. It is just that I am too much of a woman to pretend to be one and not enough of one to live full time. I reside in the nether world that is my, and perhaps your, life.

This statement is not to criticise those who use the wonderful opportunity affored by Halloween. Using Halloween to escape the bounds of our masculine existance is a meaningful and rewarding exercise for many people. It's just not for me.

I guess, since the day I first got the chance to dress and go out in public, Jeniffer became a real person. She got to strut her stuff, kick up her heels, and yes, chat up a storm with the gals in the loo while repairing her face. It was as if a long lost friend had come home and I did all that I could to make her feel comfortable.

Once the inital shock of contact with the 'real' world wore off Jennifer began to relax and enjoy just being. With that relaxation came a contentment, and well...a completeness, I had never know before. It seem to me, even as I write these words, that I am making some strong statements for such ordinary events. But this was how I truly felt. The term I used at the time, after a sleepless night on my first night out, was intense relaxation.

From that point I found the exercise of going out as Jennifer to be more and more normal. It is part of my reality that these moments are infrequent at best. However, I slip back into Jennifer easier every time. So I guess Halloween is back to ghosts and goblins....for now.

Then again... even if I can't do Jennifer for Halloween, there is still Rita Hayworth, Bette Davis, Rachel Welch, Dolly and of course Marilyn. I mean who doesn't love the feel of a cool breeze up their dress?


Visit Jennifer's homepage. She also welcomes input on her ideas and other stuff via E-Mail


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