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Our Time in Eden

by Anne Casebeer


At what point does a transperson cease to be a rookie? In sports, it's after a full season. Well, November marks the anniversary of my first tentative steps into the gender world. I'd say that most genderfolk celebrate their coming-out anniversaries, not unlike romantic couples. Recently, I attended Southern Comfort, like many of you, and had a terrific time, but that's a tale I will let others tell. Suffice it to say that it was an impressively managed gathering that offered something for anyone who can fit under the big pink circus tent with the blue TG logo. Make your plans for next year, you are guaranteed to have a good time.

It's the aftermath of that convention that really marks time and illustrates what I've learned about myself, and others, in the past year. Following the completion of SCC, I was obligated to drive directly to Atlantic City for the Expocon East Coast Video Show (ECVS), which is a personal and professional touchstone that I build my year around.

When you have to make a 650-mile drive, you have a lot of time to think and enough privacy so that you can converse with yourself without having people render value judgments about your sanity and/or lack of same. I spent quite a few miles between Atlanta and Atlantic City, and again from Atlantic City to Louisville, contemplating what I've learned and discovered about myself over the last year. Last year's ECVS came under much more unpleasant conditions, and the contrast between the two periods of time; a mere year apart; was unbelievable. Confidence is the word that sums it up best. I respect danger and take most necessary precautions, but I've definitely learned that you can do nearly anything crossdressed, and if you can do some of the things I've done in the past year crossdressed, your confidence in nearly any situation will grow exponentially. Spending the 5 days of Southern Comfort crossdressed is expected; traveling to and from there is a bit riskier (or risqué, depending on the cut of the dress); but when you take the risk of being discovered by your peers and go out publicly, you know you've made it. The old principal of "act like you belong and everyone will assume you do" usually applies to most situations a transperson faces, and when you pull off the crazy risk and have it pay off, that confidence carries over to your professional and family life, to your benefit.

ECVS is structured much as Southern Comfort is, with seminars by day, and social events by evening. Unlike SCC, you are on your own for meals, but with the convention taking place near the Boardwalk, there is no shortage of possibilities for that - that's something casinos are famous for. The social events are sponsored by movie studios, industry groups, equipment suppliers, and magazines, and are "theme parties". Video store managers, studio reps, and show business people tend, as a group, towards being very wild, flamboyant, and more than a bit crazy. I see many of the same people annually, and they know me, thanks to my unusual last name (yes, Casebeer is really my last name, not a pseudonym) and tenure in the business; I exchange Email with some of them, in fact. The only real obstacles to open dressing are the fact that my name tag (the wearing of which they enforce rigidly, and which has a magnetic strip so that items you purchase on the show floor can be billed to the store) said "Anthony Casebeer - Video Vault of Okolona", and the fact that I was Video Store Magazine's "Handicapper of the Week" the very week of the show, which was mentioned everywhere I went. Obviously, attending seminars as Anthony was necessary, but the evenings...well, that was another matter.

I broke the Atlanta-to-Atlantic City trip up in College Park, MD; checked in to a motel, retouched my makeup (I was traveling femme), grabbed a quick meal at Applebee's, and then proceeded to the scene of previous atrocities: the infamous Mr. Eagan's, on Connecticut Ave. NE in D. C. Ginny wasn't working that night, but the tall blonde girl who was made me feel right at home, and one of the regulars who was there the night 'Nessa, Shannon, Sarah, and I visited during Lobby Days happened to drop in. We chatted for quite awhile, and enjoyed a few Murphy's Irish Stouts. I left a note for Ginny, informing her that we'd be lobbying again next spring, and that we'd let her know in more detail when it got closer. A nice, quiet, welcoming evening for a weary traveler.

Monday morning, I had to let "the guy" take over, since I was driving directly to the Atlantic City Convention Center. The Monday seminar ended about 430 PM, and I checked into my room out in Absecon, NJ. (The idea of paying $120 per night to stay in a casino, versus $35 for Super 8 should be obvious.) Anne comes out to play again! I put on a navy skirt and blouse, fixed my hair and face, and went shopping in King of Prussia, PA, which boasts the largest mall in the Northeast, supposedly. I can't confirm that, but I do know this: I had no shortage of possibilities; the only problem was the money involved. Nordstrom's, Bloomingdale's, Neiman-Marcus, and Macy's are wonderful stores, but the prices were more obscene than the adult videos I rent for a living. After returning to Atlantic City empty-handed, while looking for place to dine (My policy when traveling is to never eat at a restaurant that I can enjoy at home), I spotted MY STORE: Value City. Yes, wild and woolly Value City, the trannie's paradise, where you can find, well, the same black velvet dress that Bloomingdale's wanted $155 for, for $29.95. I bought 2! Not to mention some very fancy black Hanes hose with lace thighs for $2! Yes! Yes! Yes! A fast stop at Kmart to pick up makeup, and I was ready for the next night.

Tuesday, I watched and participated in a number of seminars dealing with buying groups, the state of the video business, pay-per-view windows, talked to some of my "annual" friends, and shopped the show floor. The last seminar ended at 430PM, and I returned to the Super 8 t get ready for the "Video Business/Video Store/PolyGram Home Video Karaoke Party". Black velvet dress, spike heels, dramatic makeup, curled my hair, painted my nails (which were still "done" from Southern Comfort, but were unpolished for daytime discretion), then gave "Miss Thang" a look in the mirror, and a twirl, letting my short dress fly and expose my lacy thighs. I can't begin to describe the power I felt: Given a series of days dressed, I get into practice; I had the look right, the voice right, and, frankly, I was hot and knew it! I strutted out the door, keys in hand, and noticed a couple guys do a double take and watch me climb into the van, lust in their eyes. I've had that look before, I'd know it anywhere! Drove to Bally's, parked, and while walking to the casino entrance, I had a passing motorist, male of course, damned near wreck his Toyota Tacoma while looking backwards at me - I shot him a seductive smile and tossed my head, hair flowing. Flirting!!! I took the moving walkway into the casino, a well-dressed gentleman who was escorting an elegant lady held the door for me, and was clearly comparing me with his date! I thanked him demurely, and strutted past the baccarat and blackjack tables, past the slot machines and roulette wheels, out to the Boardwalk, and down to Planet Hollywood for dinner. A bit of lasagna, and then up the golden main escalator that spans 4 stories in the atrium lobby to the Ocean B Room for the party. The usher at the door asked for my name tag, and I demurely asked her this: "I have it in my purse, I didn't want to put a hole in this dress. Could you discreetly look at it, and let me keep it there?" "Sure, hon", she replied, I showed it to her, and she was shocked! "I never would have known! You look fabulous! Nobody will ever know. Have a great time!"

I strutted to the cash bar, ordered a glass of wine, and sat down to look over the karaoke selections; selected "These Are Days" and "White Rabbit", handed in my requests, and returned to the bar, where a gent who taught a lecture that I attended earlier in the day bought me the first of several drinks! I looked familiar to him, and he remembered the "guy with glasses" who attended his lecture from my store, but I convinced him that the "guy" was my boss. I sang both songs in femme voice, and not even the karaoke operator was the wiser; he was the editor of Video Business Magazine, and knows Anthony! My challenge, come the end of the night was threefold: One, how to get out of the casino on 3" heels while tipsy; two, the drive back to the motel in Absecon without spending the night (en femme) in jail in New Jersey; and three: how to get rid of the guy. Mom didn't teach me that trick! I finally lied and told him that my boyfriend was meeting me at 1:00 a.m. for a snack after gambling, and that got me loose. I glided out and proceeded home, brimming with confidence, and a bit more sober following the long walk and a visit to the ladies' room. The next day, I saw both my colleague and the magazine editor, and both commented on meeting my "assistant", and didn't make the connection. All I could think of at that point was, "Are you blind, or were you just drunk?"

The rest of the convention was uneventful and professional. I departed after the Wednesday session, and drove to Pennsylvania, checked into a Holiday Inn, femmed out, then went to a restaurant recommended to me by Angela Bridgman, the Ship Inn in Exton. The grilled chicken and mushrooms was wonderful, and I returned to the hotel, touched up, and went to the bar to watch the Indians vs. Orioles game. The two other patrons of the bar struck up a conversation, and read me after awhile; I was truthful - explained to them that I was transgendered, and answered their questions; something I never mind doing. They were friendly, and we enjoyed the game, a few Dock Street Amber Bocks, and some good conversation. Thursday, I put on a little black dress and drove home through PA, OH, and KY, using the rest areas as needed with no mishaps. Home was welcome.

ECVS is, as I said earlier, an annual touchstone for me. Last year, I was very scared, closeted, knew that I had to start allowing that other side of me roam free. This year, Anne was free to run amok, and she had a lot of fun. The lesson here is an old one: you set your own limits. You can do anything you set your mind to, and the limitations are yours to decide upon. I like taking risks, and have few professional or societal limitations on my crossdressing, so I see myself as a pioneer. I don't mind taking the point position for others to follow, and so far, I've found no need for a Kevlar corset. The fun is yours to experience, but being careful is important. I took some definite risks on this trip, but they paid off in fun and an incredible adrenaline rush. Care to join me in public? It's fun out there.

Freedom and Mascara!
Anne Casebeer
Visit Anne's Home Page at:
http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/6759/

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