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How Do You Carve A Canoe?
By Vanessa Kaye

It is sometimes quite amazing where one can hear little bits of wisdom
that really can make a difference. Recently, while watching a rerun of
“Home Improvement,” I heard such a piece of wisdom.
As usual, Tim was seeking advice from his neighbor Wilson. When Tim
approached the
fence, he heard some sort of chopping noise from the other side. “Hey,
Wilson,” Tim said, “what are you doing over there?” “Well, good
neighbor, “replied Wilson, “I’m carving a canoe out of a birch tree.”
Always one to seek more information, Tim asked, “How do you carve a
canoe out of a tree?” “Simple,” said Wilson, “you start with a nice
straight log, then you carve away everything that isn’t a canoe.”
While Tim Allen’s television program is usually one charged with a
slight overdose of
testosterone, the above scene has unlimited application in so many areas of
our lives. For us, as transgendered persons, it has specific meaning.
As we grow and mature, we tend to pick up a lot of “extra baggage.” As a
result, once we reach the point of wishing to express our alternate gender
self, we are confronted with a horde of demons. These demons have names,
“Guilt,” “Shame,” and “Morality” to name a few. There are other obstacles
such as learned behavior and mannerisms.
Linda and I receive countless letters and telephone calls from sisters,
and their wives,
asking how they can realize their desired transformation to the femme
self. Without fail, all of those who contact us are convinced that the
way to transform themselves, or their partners, is by adding more layers to
the outside person. They focus on make-up, padding, wigs and clothing. We do
our best to change their focus to the inner-self.
If one is truly transgendered, the “secret” of becoming transformed, be
it temporarily (as in the case of the crossdresser), or permanent (as
with the transsexual) is not in what is added, but rather in what is
taken away. It is much like Wilson’s simple method of making a canoe,
“carve away everything that isn’t a canoe.” I am not saying that the
only way to create something of beauty is to destroy what exists and
create anew. I am; however, advocating that we concentrate on removing
the extra layers that prevent the true femme expression.
Time and again, I see sisters who have done a magnificent job of
altering their external
appearance. All of this; however, has been accomplished at the cost of
ignoring the internal. They have retained the same masculine attitudes,
mannerisms and behavior which negate their femme appearance.
If you take the time to observe women, you will see that there is some
intangible trait or quality in them that makes them “feminine.” Of
course, there are those women who do not appear feminine, too. Yet, for
the purposes of our discussion, we will look at the former.
How is it that some women, despite their far less than glamorous
appearance are able to
appear as truly feminine and ladylike? Simple, the true feminine self
lies within, not without. What we, as transgendered persons, seek is
also within. To reveal this inner femme self we need not add more
covering, but rather “carve” away all that is not feminine.
If you are lucky enough to have a supportive partner, ask her to
carefully observe you as your “femme” self. Invite honest, constructive
comments about your overall appearance. These comments could range from
how you sit and walk, to how you interact with others while en femme.
This is also an important part of what support groups are all about.
Support groups should be a nurturing environment in which the members’
femme selves
are encouraged to mature and develop. All too often, we seek only
flattering compliments about our appearance when we get together.
Remember, we are “sisters” and should be able to rely upon the honesty
of our sisters to help us continue to “carve” away that which is not
feminine.
Through observing other women, the help of our partners and sisters, we
should be able
to eventually reveal that self that lies hidden within us. As a result
of our years of hiding our femme selves, there is a lot that needs to be
removed. Each time you dress for an evening at home, or on the town, take the
time to “carve” away a little more. With time, you won’t need “tips & tricks”
to feel that you have successfully transformed your male self into your femme
self. You will “feel” it.
Remember, true feminine expression comes from within, not without. Happy
dressing. Hugs,

Linda and Vanessa Kaye both write for Transgender
Forum on a regular basis.
They also run the Couples Network , a safe place for couples to connect and learn more about living in a relationship with a transgender person.
They have their own web site you may enjoy.
Linda and Vanessa have also written a book together:
"Life With Vanessa"
Straight talk about integrating transgenderism into
a loving, caring and positive relationship.
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