Part 2
By Peta Wilson
Subscribers can catch up with Part 1|Part 2|Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
When he comes downstairs she is preparing lunch. He feels guilty that he has not been able to share with her what he was, is, thinking. He loiters around the breakfast bar.
"I'm sorry," he says.
"That's okay. It's just that I didn't understand what was happening. I mean one minute you're there and then you're not and..." She shrugs.
"I was embarrassed."
She looks at him.
"Why?"
"I looked like ...a girl."
"That was the intention."
"I know."
"So?" She is ladling a clear soup into a dish with buttered bread on the side.
"I didn't expect to look..." He doesn't finish the sentence.
"That good?"
"No."
She comes around from behind the bar and places the bowls on the dining table. They sit.
"How did you expect to look?"
"I don't know."
"So you're embarrassed you
can look like a girl?"
"I guess." He sips his soup from the spoon.
"I don't think you should be. You're a very good looking boy. You're slim. There's not that much difference between boys and girls at our age. It's mostly makeup and clothes."
"I guess so. But what would happen if I went to the party looking like that? Everyone would think I was a girl."
She laughs. "No they wouldn't. We'd tell them it's you. Do you think everyone is going to think I'm a boy because I'm going as Peter Pan?"
"No."
"Besides you won't be the only boy there dressed as a girl."
He is immediately interested.
"How do you know?"
"Because I'm prepared to bet that David Travix will be. He's always doing it."
"David Travix? But he's gay isn't he?"
"Sure but that doesn't matter.
We all know you're not."
She finishes the last of her soup.
"Look it doesn't really matter. I'm sure we can find something else for you to wear. I thought you looked great and it would have been fun."
"Can I think about it?"
"Sure. But we've only got a week. If we want to go
and look for something else to wear you'll have to make
up your mind."
"Okay." He pauses. "What does David Travix look like?"
"Beautiful. But like a white Ru Paul. He's very tall. Very exotic."
"I want to go."
"I know. Just remember you have to be eighteen. Actually dressing as a girl will help you look that old."
"Doesn't everyone know I'm only fifteen?"
"The cast do but they won't tell. The management of the pub don't know." She pauses. "I don't want to embarrass you further but you still look like a girl."
He blushes.
"How come?"
"Your hair."
He puts his hands to his head. He had taken out the elastic band and his hair fell now as she had set it earlier. He tries to muss it.
"Don't do that. It looks really nice."
"But I can't wear my hair looking like a girl."
"Why not? There's just the two of us here. We're not going anywhere. It suits you."
He stares at her for a moment.
"You like me looking like a girl?"
"Sure. I think you looked terrific in my clothes. I was
proud of you."
"Proud of me? Why?"
"Because you were prepared to do it. Most boys wouldn't dream of it. I like that you're not a macho, football playing, poofter-bashing asshole. I think it was nice that you were open to exploring your feminine side."
"I have a feminine side?"
"Absolutely. All boys do and all girls have a masculine side. Just that most boys deny it very vigorously and turn themselves into macho pricks who bash their wives."
"And it's okay?"
"Of course it's okay." She stands up. ÒHelp me clear away."
He takes his plate to the kitchen and she stacks it and others into the dish washer and he helps. He sees he has an opportunity. She closes the machine and turns it on.
"Can I talk to you?"
"You are talking to me."
"About sex?"
"Oh! Yes of course. But let's go back to the living room. This is too noisy."
They settled on the divan.
"Were you told about it?" he asks.
"I got my first period the year Mum died. She explained things. I already knew a bit from the gossip at school. You know.'
"Yeah I know. I wasn't told
anything. When we went to live with Aunt Margaret she didn't
say anything. I know all the bullshit stuff from school."
"What do you want to know?"
"It's embarrassing."
She laughs. "Everything's embarrassing to you. Have you...done it?"
He shakes his head. "No. All the kids at school reckon they have. I believe some of them but not all."
"Very wise. I assume you masturbate?"
He goes rosy red again and is sick of doing so.
"Come on Rusty. You're not a baby anymore. And I'm your only next of kin. The nearest thing you're going to have to a parent ever again. You can talk to me."
He nods.
"Often?"
He nods again.
Do you fantasize while you're doing it?"
"Yes."
"What about?"
"Girls."
"Well that confirms you're not gay."
"Have you done it?"
"Come on Rusty, you know I have. I bring boys home from time to time."
"I guess. When...did you start?"
"When I was fourteen. With Kevin Denman. It was awful. We were so clumsy."
"But it's not awful now?"
"Oh no."
"The kids at school say girls jack...masturbate too. Is that true?"
"Yes. Girls have a little part of their bodies like tiny penis called a clitoris. It's very sensitive."
"Do you do it?"
She hesitates for just a moment. "Yes."
"Very often?"
"Yes."
"I'm glad."
"Why?"
"I thought I might be...I don't know, abnormal or something."
"Oh no. Not at all."
"Does it bother you how boys look at you?"
"How do boys look at me?"
"You know." He lowers his head. "You're
sexy looking."
She laughs. "Am I? No I don't mind that boys look at me. It's part of my job to be looked at. I'd be more concerned if they didn't look."
"That was what scared me?"
"How do you mean?"
"When I was wearing your dress. That boys would look at me like I was..."
"Well you're right. They would. But we'd be at the party. Everyone would know. It would just be for fun." There is another pause in the conversation. "Did you think you were sexy?"
Another blush. "Yeah. It scared me a bit."
"Uh huh! So that was what it was? That's why you got undressed so fast?"
"Sort of."
"Why did it scare you?"
"Well...you won't laugh?"
"No. I promise."
"Well...I liked what I looked like. And I knew I shouldn't. And then I thought about boys seeing me like that and...well, I just got a bit scared."
She leans forward. "Honey, it's not surprising you liked what you saw. You looked great. I can't see that that's anything to be scared of or ashamed of. Lot's of boys do it. I told you about David."
"But he's gay."
"I know. We've been through
that. But boys who are not gay do it too."
"They do?"
"Sure. Not macho boys maybe, but boys who are in touch
with their feminine side like I think you are. Rusty you've
only lived with women. First Mum and me and now just me. I think,
maybe, a little rubs off. God look how many girls dress like
boys."
"I guess so."
"Now listen. I have to read my
part for tomorrow morning or I'll be in trouble. If you
want to talk more about this wait until another night after I
get home. If you don't want to wear my clothes to the
party that's okay too. Think on it."
..To Be Continued
Peta Wilson lives in Australia and has a Personal Ad here...she invites your comments.