The Vampire's Lair






Has Crossdressing Come of Age?

I believe crossdressing has made some great strides to come of age. What I am talking about is not necessarily acceptance, but tolerance. Five years ago, before the advent of RuPaul, Jon of the Pleased Wimmen, or fill in the name of your favorite drag pop icon, I would walk into a women's shoe or clothing store in my male guise and meet the bewildered looks of salespeople. Their eyes would light up with an inquisitive look when I perused their wares and brought my purchases to the cash register. Their gazes seemed to ask me, "Is that for you?" My eyes and my smile would reply, "Of course. Isn't it obvious that these are for me?" Some salespeople would feel uncomfortable with the idea of a crossdresser in their stores. Others welcomed it because a sale was a sale.

Three years ago, life was no different. I would go shopping for my favorite padded pushup bra, a Lilyette #0853, and a curious woman (not a salesdroid) would inch up behind me and wonder what I was doing in the lingerie department. After seeing how closely I was studying the merchandise for fit and quality, she would walk away chuckling, bemused by the fact that she had discovered a crossdresser and probably thinking how ridiculous the bra would look on me. Sizing her up, I could only conclude that the wench only wished she had my body and looks!

This past year, I have either shopped alone or with my new wife (Mary and I got married last month!) at many different womens' stores or womens' departments and have met only the occasional odd stare. You know the look: Why are you in here? Is that stuff for you? Are you some kind of freak or pervert or something? These people sometimes act as if men have never shopped for their wives before (then again, if you're buying a size 12 pair of shoes and they look like they fit you, then it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the shoes are for you). Occasionally, I will explain that I am a female impersonator in a drag show and that would ease their minds.

But, why should this explanation ease their minds? Why should they care if a man walks into a store and buys bras, panties, and pantyhose... or something as unisex as a turtleneck or a pair of jeans? Not too long ago, a salesgirl at a local designer jeans store admitted, "Men's jeans... women's jeans... what's the difference?" It's true. A lot of clothing is unisex. However, what about clothing that is designed to fit a certain body type? Should we assume that there do not exist men with flared out hips, tiny waists, and unusually large breasts? Should these men be denied the clothing that they feel most comfortable with and look best in if their preference so happens to be women's clothing? Societal prejudices say they should be denied even though it is every person's right to wear what he or she wishes.

I have found that men who act flamboyantly (regardless of their sexual preference) do not get the same odd stares when shopping in women's stores as men who act reserved. I can offer a possible explanation. The reserved man is sometimes too reserved, afraid to be seen purchasing womens' clothing. These subconscious fears sometimes surface on a person's face, the result being the man appears suspicious-looking. The flamboyant man appears more relaxed and will simply be stereotyped as a confident gay man. Whether or not he is gay is irrelevant. Alternative lifestyles are still seen as oddities by many people, but current societal "norms" dictate that gays are much more tolerated and accepted than crossdressers.

 

Crossdressing and Sexual Preference

I'm not sure if crossdressing will ever be fully accepted because there is not the same "clear" delineation of sexual preference that heterosexuals and homosexuals at least share. Crossdressers like to wear clothing of the opposite sex. But, why? Are they really gay or straight? If men dressed as women wanted to be with men, are they gay? If men dressed as women wanted to be with women, are they heterosexual, bisexual, or lesbians? And what about all of the existing she-male fetish videos, many of which clearly show mixed sexual behavior? A lot of people either don't like or cannot accept this gray area of a crossdresser's existence. This is part of the prejudice against crossdressers, enough for the ignorant to believe that crossdressers are freaks of nature.

(sarcastic bitch mode on)
The ignorant think of the world in one way: man to woman, man to man, and woman to woman. These are three sexual preferences (let's omit bisexuality for the sake of this argument). Adding a transgendered person to the equation opens wide the sexual possibilities: man to woman, man to man, man to trans-man, man to trans-woman, woman to woman, woman to trans-man, woman to trans-woman, trans-man to trans- man, trans-man to trans-woman, and trans-woman to trans- woman. We've added seven more possibilities by introducing trans-men and trans-women to the equation. Do you see why the ignorant do not like this situation? You guessed it! It's because they're so stupid they can't count beyond three! Three different kinds of sexual preferences doesn't confuse these people, but ten sexual preferences certainly does.
(sarcastic bitch mode off)

But let's turn this thing around. Why is the ignorant man so concerned of, disgusted with, or afraid of crossdressers? Could he secretly be attracted to the crossdressers he claims to hate? Could he secretly be jealous of or attracted to a certain crossdresser's appearance, confidence, or free- spirited nature? Perhaps he made a pass at a beautiful crossdresser one night and she rejected him. Perhaps the ignorant man is not confident of his own masculinity and the crossdresser makes him feel uncomfortable. If the ignorant person is a woman, perhaps she is jealous of the crossdresser's physical or mental attractiveness. Knowing that she can do little to improve her own situation, she seeks to defame others in order to raise her own self-esteem. Crossdressers are only one of her many targets. These are some of the thoughts that infect the minds of people a crossdresser will likely come across, salespeople being among them. Hey, it's difficult being a salesperson! The stigma attached to crossdressing from certain religious authorities have etched - nay, burned - a hole into people's minds that crossdressing could possibly be wrong, bad, and even sinful. But it's not always crossdressing that irritates the average salesdroid. Let me tell you what irritates salespeople the most.

Being in sales can be no fun. Dozens of women walk into shoe stores every day, try on several pairs of shoes, and walk out of these stores not even buying one pair. You can bet this frustrates salespeople to no end. Most salespeople earn a commission off of each sale, so when a sale does happen, salespeople are overjoyed. This is especially evident in little out-of-the-way boutiques where sales are slow and any sale is seen as a good thing.

Ross Dress for Less, Filene's Basement, and T.J. Maxx are great places for buying and trying out shoes, especially if you fit most womens' sizes (5 to 12). These stores offer an entirely self-help kind of atmosphere. Most women who shop in these stores are so concerned with finding shoes that fit them that they totally ignore everyone around them. This works to your advantage, kiddies, because if you're a 'fraidy cat, you can try your shoes on with little or no worry! Sure, you may get the occasional odd stare but, on the whole, people in these bargain stores generally don't care.

If you have to go mail order because you want to feel anonymous or are an unusual size, stick with reputable sources like Lew Magram, Chadwick's of Boston, and Newport News. Don't trust the fly-by-night crossdressing boutiques to provide you with the best wares because they're out to make dumploads of money off of you. Never buy your girlie goodies at Versace-like prices. If women are stereotyped as being good shoppers and you want to be like these stereotypical women, then you would do well to learn some thrifty ways to stretch your fashion dollars. Resist the temptation to buy from Frederick's of Hollywood or any of the dozen or so slutwear manufacturers. Slutwear clothes are often:

Most of Frederick's clothes are not meant to be worn out in public. Everything seems to be slutty-looking and photograph-oriented. If those are the kinds of clothes you need to get the photographic look you want, then fine. However, if you want practical clothes, then stay away from Frederick's because you will seldom look realistic if you base your wardrobe on slutwear. The three mail-order sources I've mentioned are not the sassiest places to shop. Lew Magram is almost like Gantos in the "X-American-Princess" (fill in X with your favorite nationality) style. Chadwick's is kind of boring, but it's conservative and classy. Newport News has some sensible styles at very reasonable prices. Nothing sold in these places can be called slutwear.

The sassier sisters out there will have no problem shopping for clothes... anywhere. "If my money ain't good enough for them, I will take my business elsewhere," I can see them saying. This is the right attitude to adopt. After all, you've worked hard for your money (I think), so you should be treated with respect in any store you shop at. Some of the mall stores I like are Compagnie International Express, Bebe, Warehouse, Noname, G+G, Joyce Leslie, Gantos, Enzo Angiolini, Nine West, 9 & Co., Baker's, Burt's, The Wild Pair, Kenneth Cole, Nordstrom, and Parade of Shoes.

A clever combination of mall store, department store, boutique, and discount store fashions is the key to creating your own style. Think simple, functional, and stylish. Clothing should be comfortable yet make a statement. The things you wear say a lot about who you are and how you wish others to perceive you. You must dress your age and you must dress with taste. If you dress like an underaged teenager or a frumpy old woman when in reality you are a middle-aged person, you will look odd. If you dress like a lascivious bimbo, you will look odd and people will treat you with little respect (you may think some of the guys you meet are treating you nice when, in reality, they simply want a piece of you). However, if you dress in a tasteful manner, emanating class and still oozing femininity, you will garner the smiles and admiration of a job well done, the kinds of looks and remarks of appreciation that tell you you've finally "arrived" in the art of gender illusion. And, if this makes any difference to you, you will be able to attract a better class of people whom you can call your friends and lovers.

Is tolerance the first step towards acceptance? I would like to think so. It took hundreds of years to nurture and develop some of the prejudices we witness and experience today. It will take at least as long to eliminate them. Tolerance means that at least our foot is in the door. Acceptance is when we can open that door fully and be greeted with open arms. If our sales pitch is good enough, in time we will convince more and more people to open up their doors to us.

 

In Search Of... The Baltimore Crabcake

I was down in Baltimore, Maryland recently on business and was seaching for the perfect crabcake. I wanted los of lump crabmeat. I wanted no filler. I wanted little or no shells. Some may say Phillips Harborplace at the Inner Harbor is a tourist trap, and it is, but why did people who were born and raised in Baltimore point me to it, too? Give Phillips points for its history and the fact that I found only six shells among both crabcakes. Not bad. The crabmeat was seasoned and tasty, but it wasn't fantastic. There was more shredded crabmeat than lump crabmeat. Subtract points. There was some filler in each crabcake, but it was mixed in well with the shredded crabmeat. The outdoor seating area looked very nice.
Crabcakes: B. Location: A. Ambience: B.

I then tried City Lights one level above Phillips in the same shopping complex. The crab meat was actually tastier than Phillips, but each crabcake had way too many shells. Subtract lots of points. I also noticed pieces of bread sticking out of one of my crabcakes, so subtract points for using way too much filler. The restaurant decor was a little nicer and cleaner than Phillips. For some people, the Inner Harbor dining experience more than makes up for the good but not great crabcakes.
Crabcakes: B-. Location: A. Ambience: B+.

By far, the best crabcakes I've had in the Baltimore area were not from Baltimore, but from Hanover, Maryland at a place called Gunning's Seafood on 7304 Parkway Drive South. For $22, you get two huge crabcakes with absolutely no filler, lump bluefin crabmeat larger and tastier than any lump bluefin crabmeat you've ever experienced, and your choice of two vegetables. There were about ten shells among both crabcakes, which is not bad at all considering how large they were (about three inches in diameter and over two inches high). These crabcakes easily rival the fine quality crabcakes you can find at Captain's Galley II in West Ocean City, Maryland, a restaurant that claims to have "the best crabcakes in the world." The claim is still correct.

The sheer size of Gunning's crabcakes over Captain's Galley II's would have given Gunning's the edge, but the shells kept these delicious crabcakes from receiving a perfect score. Gunning's is a family restaurant that first opened in Brooklyn, Maryland. The new location in Hanover is out of the way, but it's worth the trip. The restaurant looks like it was a renovated Chinese restaurant with it cheesy stone lions and tinted red windowed doors. It's the kind of place you can get buckets of crabs dumped on tables with sheets of brown paper spread out over the tabletops.
Crabcakes: A-. Location: C. Ambience: C.

Some other local suggestions that I didn't get a chance to try: Faidley's and John Steven's.

 

Soda Pop Buzz

Let me recommend a wildly entertaining ride I bought recently called Hiding My Candy, an audiobook written and narrated by the Queen of Savannah, The Lady Chablis (yes, "The" is actually her legal first name). I read parts of her softcover book of the same name and was wondering who this stuck-up bitch was, but what a world of difference her voice and narration makes! The Lady is sassy, brassy, and, in her own words, "charming." She's got a mouth on her that has got to be heard with an attitude to match.

Hiding My Candy gives us a little bit of The Lady's world. Transgendered women will find little bits of The Lady's life that they can relate to: family neglect, relationship ups and downs, knowing when to reveal to your lover what your genital sex is, etc. Drag queens will find a big sister they can look up to. Everyone will find an entertaining and thought- provoking journal of one of the preeminent drag performers in the country. If you've never heard of The Lady Chablis before, you need not worry because The Lady will give you a quick intro ofherself at the outset.

The bottom line is The Lady Chablis is an excellent narrator, her book is an excellent read once you get past her lingo, and she artfully represents a part of drag culture that yearns more to be seen and heard rather than understood and tolerated. She is "all woman" as she is quick to exclaim and lovingly calls herself a "pregnant white woman." With attitude like that, you know she's got to be a goddess.

Wanna' know a quick tip for improving your steps in high heels? Just do some exercises in them! Try performing squats or leg presses on Universal machines or calf raises and lunges with free weights. Use very light weights, about one third to one fourth of your usual lifting weight so you don't stress or break your heels. Try carrying a pair of dumbbells against your chest and practice walking with poise and confidence. Stress leg and butt exercises. If you can carry twenty pounds of dumbbells, you'll have no problem carrying a big bag of groceries while sauntering about in platform sandals. Be careful you don't topple over and twist an ankle.

You've got to love it when crossdressing is a theme in silly sitcoms like Step By Step. Suzanne Somers plays a mom who wants to see her son play in a basketball game, but her son doesn't want her to be there. So, what does she do? She dress up like a man and attends the game anyway! At the game, Suzanne gets in a fight with a big burly woman who discovers that Suzanne is really a she and blurts aloud, "Hey! It's one of them crossdressing freaks from Milwaukee!"

Or when Brooke Shields in Suddenly Susan finds herself in a gay bar and is mistaken for a crossdresser. She tells the man that he is mistaken, to which he replies, "Yeah, right, with those shoulders?"

So, what kind of fruit is Juicy Fruit gum trying to emulate? And why doesn't the flavor last as long as its sister products, Spearmint and Doublemint gum? The gum wrapper does happen to be yellow. Hmmm... bananas?

Does anyone know of a band called Flying Money Lizards? If you do and you have their records, please e- mail me! I'd like to know more about this band!

If you would like to know more about me, check me out on my Web site! It's a blast!


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