By Melody Griffiths
I was walking in the mall one day, and I had a pain in my thigh. Kind of a stretching sensation, like my skin was being pulled apart. This was quite uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as when, for some reason unknown to me, it moved to my behind and cracked, sending me jumping 2 feet in the air and letting out a yelp of pain.
Yes, another stretch mark -- like I don't have enough of them already.
My body is riddled with stretchmarks -- mainly on the lower half, my legs and my butt. It is quite unnattractive, having all kinds of dark lines on ones rear, ones thighs and legs. It makes one feel a bit self consious in shorts or a bathing suit.
It's the price one pays however for trying to go through 6 years of puberty
in 2. I guess I'm lucky I don't have stretch marks on my boobs!
Well, I guess while I'm in a whining mood, I'll run down some of the other things I haven't terribly appreciated. First of all, now I have flat hair. When I was in highschool, I had long hair, and it had quite a bit of body, to the point that people referred to it as my "mane". Now, do you think I can get that to happen after hormones? No way.
This seems like a bit of a contradiction though. Women tend to want to have alot of body in their hair -- yet estrogen seems to be counterproductive to that idea. Which ticks me off. I hate seeing guys with great hair now, because they do almost nothing in order to get it, and here I am having to buy specialty shampoos, and blowdry my head upside down (which makes me rather dizzy) just to get even close to the volume I had before. I think I'm just going to have to get a perm.
I've also shrunk about 3 inches since I've taken hormones. "Wow", you say, "That's a good thing though, isn't it?" Well, you try waking up every morning and cracking every bone in your neck just in the process of moving it. I'm a frequent visitor to the local chiropractor. (The reason why this is appparently, is that the cartlidge in my spine is shrinking under the effects of the estrogen. This is kind of a younger-TS thing... but as with anything it has alot of pro's and con's. It's nice being shorter but...)
And wow, have I ever become a pig. I'm like always hungry. I've eaten some of the strangest things since I've started hormones. I've eaten uncooked macaroni, tuna and pickle sandwiches, and I'm addicted to olives. When I have dinner, I have two plates. And I've gained about 30 pounds in the last couple of years.
Now, this has it's good side, believe it or not, a "fuller" figured person seems to pass better, especially when the padding is in the right places, but it sucks growing out of half your wardrobe. And when your tummy starts to get a bit thick, halter tops just aren't as attractive as they used to be. But, c'est la vie.
And one more thing -- do I ever get horny. Before hormones, while I was still running on testosterone time, it was kind of a constant thing. Kind of moderate but consistent. Now, however, it's become like a roller coaster -- peaks and valleys. I go through periods where I am completely uninterested in sex. But then, when the coaster goes up, it becomes a bit of a problem, and for two or three days I'm contemplating jumping the mailman. And the pheremones? When I'm in that stage I think I attract every male within 200 feet to my position. It's like sending a message that this one is ripe for the picking or something. It's a pain.
I won't even get into sensitive skin and shaving (cuts).
Brain farts. That's what I forgot. That's when you forget. I mean, like, you're trying to think of something and you just for the life of you can't remember what it was even though it should be completely obvious to you. I've had problems sometimes remembering the spelling of the word "through". Or that there's something in the oven. Apparently, it's a side-effect of Premarin, but I can't remember why.
But, with the benefits I've recieved from it, and the main point that at least I'm running on the right fuel now, I guess that's allright. Even though if the time comes I want to take a bear-rug photo, I'll have to powder my ass.
Melody Griffiths is a 22 year-old pre-op transsexual living full-time in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. She is a musician, a keyboardist and composer who loves cats, kids, flowers, and art of all forms. She can be mailed here -- or check
out her homepage.