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By Angela Gardner

Happy October, my little no fat muffins! The witching season is upon us and I haven't even thought about my Halloween costume. I guess I'll fall back on the old standby I always use, and just wear my underwear as outerwear. It does always seem to make a good impression.

Speaking of good impressions... you might get the impression that I'm just a glamour kitten if you get your hands on the new Lola, Inc. catalog that contains my supermodel shots. It's out and you can take a peek at me and the other girls with the Lola Corvette if you visit the Lola, Inc. website. We're such a bunch of vixens. But, you'll look, you'll decide. Now... the dish.

Thou Dost Protest Too Much?

I used to love that little dough boy of a comic Drew Carey, till he had to go and get all defensive (and offensive to crossdressers) on the Late Late Show last month. After his show featured a Rocky Horror vs Priscilla drag- dance- off I thought he was a pretty cool dude about men prancing around in ladies clothes. (Drew didn't do a drag character from either movie, he just danced in his male underwear, but he was surrounded by men in exotic attire.) However, it appears tubby has a little bit of a problem with drag.

He told Tom Snyder that in college he was a nerd and he pledged a frat so he could improve his social life. Well, the frat boys thought it would be a gas if the pledge did what we all know to be a standard plot device for TV fiction... went out on a date as a girl. Drew was a lot thinner then and I was surprised at how good he looked as a woman. (Tom had a photo.) Hubba hubba Drewette!

Apparently the date went as planned, without any TV fiction plot twists (Drewette gets kidnapped from the restaurant by an escaped convict who takes her to a cabin in the mountains and turns her into a "real" woman) and became a happy frat rat in male attire for the remainder of his college career.

Mimi
Mimi

Tom asked how Drew enjoyed experiencing the female role and Drew didn't really say much. Tom went on to add that his assistant, Kennedy, (who happens to be a male, not the chick from MTV) was the home coming queen at his high school and really liked it. Before we could get anymore details Drew blurted out, "What was it, homosexual high?" For shame dough boy. From now on if I even watch your show I root for your arch nemesis... Mimi. She looks like a drag queen anyway.

Could Carey's over reaction be the result of having fond memories of that magic night long ago? Anything's possible. Intrepid TG Forum reporters will start checking his trash for discarded jumbo size pantyhose, and scan his credit report for any charges made to TV boutiques. If there's any truth to the allegations that Drew actually enjoyed his college dream date we'll ferret it out and put it here. Stay tuned.

We Still Got A Way's To Go

Drew was bad enough when he confused gender and sexual preference, but George Clooney really socked it to us on the Letterman show. Clooney was a guest on Late Night With David Letterman last month and told a story about his appearance on the syndicated comedy show, Mad TV. Well he made this TV mad when he told how the skit he appeared in called for him to be in drag. His daughter had come along for the taping and Dave asked how she took to her dad in drag. Clooney said she was a little taken aback at first but got used to it. Dave said, "Well, it's nothing she hasn't seen around the house." That Dave, what a kidder. Clooney's daughter was more excited that one of the other guests on the show was L.L. Cool J. So excited, in fact, that she wanted to be introduced to L.L. when they all collided in the hall.

This is where Clooney loses his star status for me. Maybe he was being defensive after Dave's joke about doing it around the house but he said he was "humiliated" by having to meet L.L. Cool J while wearing a dress. Georgie, Georgie, Georgie. Where's the humiliation in that my boy? Even setting aside the fact that there's nothing wrong with a man wearing a dress, (well, he should try to look good, if possible) and he shouldn't be embarrassed to meet anyone while in drag for any purpose; he's a professional actor who was dressed in a costume for a skit. What's up with the humiliation crap George? Even though RuPaul has a television show and appears on Regis & Kathy Lee, guys like Clooney, with their macho attitude that wearing a dress is somehow embarrassing are still out there to give us trouble. Well, George, all I gotta say is, I saw Batman. Michael Keaton was Batman. You ain't no Batman. So there.

Another Set Back

For every jerk on the macho side that sets back the cause of drag there's always a few bozos on the drag side that make us all look bad. One of them has caused trouble recently for an actor who was not only not afraid to wear a dress but looks pretty good in one, Johnny Depp. It seems that for the past two years some poor demented crossdresser has claimed to be Johnny's wife and has been stalking him. Johnny Depp is being stalked - by a transvestite! Yes, "Ed Wood" himself is the target of an obsessed crossdressing fan.

The stalking has been a feature of Depp's life for a while but it recently got more crazy when his CD wife called his club, The Viper Room, (I have a club - the Boom Boom Room! Gimme a Papst and a shot) and said she was Johnny's wife and was on her way over to meet hubby for a cold one. She was met by extra security and arrested.

No word on what tipped them off but it could have been her voice. That's what always gives us away. Also no word on what she wore. I wish the straight press would get with it and start giving us the details we really need. What kind of outfit? Skirt and top? Dress? Gimme something I can work with. Anyhow, it's about time Johnny got rid of her. After all, I'm the CD who bore his children. Timmy, put down that Angora sweater right now. Oh, they are such a handful. A "scissorhand" full. Ouch!

What's So Strange About That?

There's more and more news about crossdressing appearing in more and more mainstream publications. A few years back, when I was just a lonely girl in a closet, it was pretty hard to find news stories about guys in dresses. Oh sure, there were always criminal transvestites who did drag while they robbed people, but they certainly didn't give us any positive role models. Then there were always a few transsexuals who made headlines when they went for SRS, but that was about the extent of it. Now I see so many things about crossdressing that I don't even bother to make a note of them. The September 26th issue of a local Delaware entertainment paper called Brandywine Valley Weekly featured former Miss Gay America Lauren Taylor on its cover and had a big article about the 1998 contest. Now-a-days drag is front page news... and it's being presented in a positive light.

Another example... just last night one of the male characters on the new Kirstie Alley show, Veronica's Closet, (it's about a women's underwear company) started a conversation about undies with a woman in an elevator and said, "This underwire is diggin' into my skin!" Just another example of casual inclusion of crossdressing. As noted ladies underwear fancier Marv Albert would say, "Yes!"

The Red Dress Run.

All sorts of other stuff comes up with crossdressing overtones... if not outright sequins and feathers. Stacy-Lynn Carlton sent me a story from the Wall Street Journal about a group for British expatriates (of course, Brits love their frocks) called the Hash House Harriers. They've been a group since the 1930s and have chapters all over the world. Every year their Washington, D.C. group holds an event called On September 27th 470 men in red outfits - from long sleeved shifts to red bustiers and lace bodysuits - ran five miles through our nation's capital. The British menace D.C. way back in the Revolution but not quite like this.

Apparently the group has a variety of different runs they do at various times over the year. One of them is a run in which the participants all dress like Dalmatians. They sound like a bunch of fun guys to me. I wish I was British so I could sign up. Of course I wouldn't do any actual running. I'd just wear the red dress trot to the first turn and then take a cab to the finish. I would do it that way cause the article closed with with a paragraph about how the runners retire to a bar after the race where they remove their torn and sweaty dresses. There's only one way I want to get my dress torn and sweaty and it ain't running.

One of the Harriers was asked why they do it. He responded, "We're just everyday professional people who want to get out, put on a red dress and run. Then everything's back to normal Monday morning." Right, Monday is blue dress day at my office.

Gimmie That Old Time Religion

Jessica Brandon gave me an article about another odd juxtaposition: drag and gospel music. You heard right sisters. There is a drag gospel group called One Voice. The article appeared in the Philadelphia Daily News, the paper that has the reputation of being the blue collar news source in Philly. You can read the article yourself at their website but unfortunately they don't have the photo of the girls. In the print version it tops the article and they are identified by their male names. It was probably a good idea cause they all look so good enfemme most folks wouldn't have gotten the idea if they were called Amber Nicole, Ivory or Dominique. They are female impersonators from Baltimore and they sing contemporary style gospel in gay churches, at Pride festivals and wherever they can spread the word that Jesus loves drag queens, too. Now how many drag gospel groups have you heard about in the past? Not many. Just another sign that things are moving in the right direction. Praise the Lord and pass the mascara.

Last Words

Get your costumes together kids and remember, be sure to do drag responsibly. No bright blue eye shadow and remember to coordinate. If you miss the big Halloween parties, like Henri David's Halloween Ball in Philadelphia at the Wyndham Franklin hotel you can attend the Diabolique Fetish Masquerade Ball in November. The event is a benefit for Action AIDS. Check out their website for details.

Remember, I can always use input from my loyal readers. No matter how hard I try I can't read every newspaper and magazine or watch every television show. If you see something people should know about send it along to The Diva. See you next month honey bunches of oats.

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