The Vampire's Lair






Q&A

My e-mail is filled with dozens of questions every week, questions from both crossdressing novices and advanced practicioners. I try to respond to each and every piece of mail in a timely fashion. The best of the questions invariably show up as parts of an article or in an adventure story for everyone's edification. This month, I've decided to use a radically different format for The Vampire's Lair. Hope you enjoy what I've done!

Question: How did you choose your name?

Answer: This is one of those questions that is often asked as an icebreaker between crossdressers. Many crossdressers name themselves after an old girlfriend or wife. Some even name themselves after their mother or sister. Still others choose a name of a popular actress or model. Those who yearn for something different will come up with their own name; that's what I did. I was originally going to pick a name like Kelly because I liked the name. I didn't personally know anyone by that name, but I saw many beautiful people who had that name.

I used that name for about a week before I became bored with it. It just didn't have enough pizzazz for me, so I decided that I had to have my own unique name. My first attempt was Kelli. The "i" made my name sound young and carefree, however, it was not a name that was appropriate for anyone above 25 (I was 22 at the time). My second attempt was Kali, which still sounded very juvenile, but was very different from any name out there.

If you ask most people what kind of name they would think Kali was, you'd probably get several responses inquiring if I was African-American. I needed a last name to let others know more about my background without every meeting me, so I first came up with Isuzu (like the cars)... Kali Isuzu. Pretty lame, huh?

A few more iterations and I came up with the present name. The name was unique, or so I thought. I found out a variant of it (Galina) was a popular Russian female name. I did receive e-mail from a woman in Russia who had my name and thought my Web pages were cool. I have seen Kalina as a last name, too. I believe there is a lawyer with the last name Kalina. Thus, my name has two "cool" factors going for it: it's a foreign name and it's an unusual "last name"-sounding name, like Courteney, Brooke, Madison, and a slew of others.

Question: Why do crossdressers crossdress?

Answer: Of all the crossdressers I know, almost all crossdress for one or more of the following motives: 1) because it's fun, 2) it feels good, 3) to be someone else for a while, 4) to fool men, 5) to pick up men, and 6) to worship women.

Let's briefly discuss each reason. Crossdressing is fun. To some, it is a weekend hobby. To others, it creates a sense of who they are and how they wish to be perceived in their minds and in the minds of everyone else. It is a tension reliever designed to alleviate the stress of a 12-hour work day. It is a catalyst for sparking the kind of creativity that makes great artists and thinkers do their work more creatively. It can also be used as a sexual aid to add spice to your bedroom "travels."

Crossdressing feels good. Some crossdressers don't exactly know why it feels good. They just know it does. I can offer some insights. Men's clothing are usually harsher and rougher to the touch. Even men's items made of cotton or silk tend to be rougher to the touch than the equivalent women's items. Certain clothing manufacturers know that in order to market their product effectively, they have to appeal to the majority of clothes shoppers out there.

Because people are used to a certain type of roughness or softness in their respective gender's clothing, clothing manufacturers will continue to produce their clothes in this way. Occassionally, afashion designer will experiment with using a predominantly "male" fabric in female clothing (such as denim) and a predominantly "female" fabric in male clothing (such as silk). Sometimes the choice is a good one and sells clothes; othertimes, the concept flops because it wasn't marketed right.

Crossdressing allows you to be someone else for a while and with that power, you sometimes have the ability to fool and pick up men. Many crossdressers have revealed their exploits to me. Some have gotten to third base (I usually think of it as oral sex with the crossdresser on the "giving" end) with men. Others have gone all the way without their men having the faintest clue that they're bopping a crossdresser (of course, when a man is horny, he is usually an idiot).

You have to realize that fooling men into thinking you are a genetic women may be fun, but you have to be prepared for the possible chance that he may see through your bluff, feel resentment that he was duped by you, and offer you a quick ticket to a fist in your face. That is where a good strong pair of legs (hopefully toned by spending all that time walking in high heels) can really help you out because you will have to run like a bat out of hell when a man converts his uncontrollable horniness to uncontrollable anger. Take my advice. If you want a good, honest relationship with a man or a woman, whether it be friendship or something more, you have to be totally up front with a person in the beginning stages.

Crossdressing gives crossdressers the opportunity to worship women. Some crossdressers kiss the ground that women walk on, especially good-looking women. When a woman looks mediocre or downright bad, a crossdresser might wonder, "Hey! What's up with that? If I was given the chance to be a woman, I would take advantage of it and make myself the best woman I could be! I would exercise and eat right every day and be a model citizen!" Of course, reality is very different from fantasy, but we can still try to be good-looking, charismatic, and decent all at the same time.

Question: Where can I buy a lot of gaudy drag jewelry for cheap?

Answer: You'll never believe this, but for about $20, Mary and I cleaned out the junk jewelry in a crane game in a local amusement center. We came away with four black plastic watches, two gold chains, and a gold chain necklance, all faux pas gold, of course. Much of the money was used trying to fish out the metal watch in the cabinet, but we concluded after several failed attempts that it was too heavy for the crane to lift.

If you don't have the patience for games of skill and chance, go to Claire's Boutique or Afterthoughts at your local mall. You can buy most of your jewelry there for about five to ten dollars per item. I recommend purchasing at least three silver rings for each hand and never wear anything on the ring finger of your left hand if you are single. The current etiquette of those who are into the gay lifestyle in Philadelphia is to wear a silver wedding band on the right hand to denote that you are unavailable. Earlier in the year, it was the left hand. Thumb rings, which were all the rage two years ago, have gone out of style, so stay away from this fashion fad.

If you want really big and gaudy pageant jewelry, get it designed by a pageant jewelry designer, such as Jewels By Jill. Jill sells award-winning pageant jewelry for award-winning beauty pageants, but she can also custom design some really fabulous necklaces and earrings, too. Her prices are definitely not in the mall boutique range, but they're not outrageously expensive, either.

You have to be careful about wearing too much jewelry or gaudy jewelry if you're trying to pass. If you are wearing casual clothes, for example, you should never wear a gold or silver bracelet with precious stones. Try something simple, such as a bracelet made of black vinyl wire or plain silver. Likewise with earrings. The only kinds of dangling earrings should be big silver hoops, but the fashion mavens nowadays will laugh at you if you wear them. Instead, wear small earrings or no earrings at all. Earrings will draw attention to your ears and jawline, not so great if you have a beard shadow problem!

Question: What kind of razor do you use? Do you shave everywhere?

Answer: The secret is to use a brand of razor that you personally feel comfortable with. There are no magic razors that shave phenomenally better than others. I personally use Gillette Sensor Excel and Silk Reflections razors. Even the cheapest razors, such as the Bic ten-packs, can be used quite effectively with the right shaving cream and lathering technique. What kind of shaving cream and lathering technique should you use? Again, it is based upon personal preferences, but two that I will wholeheartedly recommend are Barbisol shaving cream and Edge Shaving Gel, especially the "Tough Beards" formulation.

I would wet my legs first, apply a small amount (about a golf ball size) of shaving gel on each leg, lather it up, and shave with the growth of the hair. I use long, even strokes from the top of the leg downward and rinse promptly before going to the next "column" of hair or stubble. When all the shaving cream is off my legs, I wet my legs and repeat the process two more times.

If I am going to be going out that night, I then wet my legs once more, lather up some shaving gel on my legs, and shave with long, even strokes against the growth of the hair. Do not shave your legs smooth until you are ready to show them off! If you keep your legs covered with pants or long skirts, there's really no point in getting a close shave and, in warmer climates, you'll sweat and possibly feel stubble irritation and razor burns.

To answer the second question, I am not an especially hairy person to begin with, so my legs are my primary focus. I don't have any arm hair to worry about and my back is quite smooth and has naturally feminine contours. I have some chest and abdominal hair, but these areas are easily controlled with a razor. I do shave my beard hairs (what I really have is more like a goatee), although I tweeze my mustache hairs for best effect. I also tweeze and shape my eyebrows before I go out.

Question: Is crossdressing an expensive hobby?

Answer: It all depends upon your tastes. A lot of the more mature crossdressers will tend to purchase clothing that is higher in quality, and higher quality usually entails higher prices. Subsequently, all of the accessories that go with this clothing, such as jewelry and shoes, will tend to be higher-priced than the streetwear or clubwear most younger crossdressers wear.

The biggest expense any crossdresser has is usually breast forms. Breast forms can cost anywhere from $300 to $600 for a decent pair. If an attachable pair is purchased, bottles of adhesive and adhesive remover for $40 per set must be purchased every so often. The second biggest expense is usually shoes. Good quality shoes can cost upwards of $100 or more. Cheap shoes can be had for as low as $10 per pair, but I would never recommend wearing cheap shoes, especially those made of vinyl.

Jewelry follows shoes. If you want some really nice jewelry, such as a gold necklace, be prepared to pay for it, even if the gold chain is a fake. Lastly, clothes can range from relatively cheap to outrageously expensive. As a crossdresser, you should try to experience clothing from all price ranges just to get an idea of what "cheap" feels like and what "luxurious" feels like. You don't have to buy anything, because that's what department store fitting rooms are for!

Question: How come when I pour soda over ice cubes, I get more foam than when I pour the soda first and then add ice cubes?

Answer: I have no idea. Any thermodynamics specialists out there who can answer this one?

Question: Are stiletto heels really the rage this season?

Answer: Yes, they are, but like any fashion trend, don't get carried away with it. The average trend, be it clothing, a fragrance, or cosmetic colors, is good for an average of six months before everyone starts seeing the little old ladies wearing the exact same thing and it becomes passe'. The trick is you want to discover the next fasion trend before anyone else.

Case in point: Remember when Hypercolor t-shirts were the rage? These t-shirts changed colors based upon your body heat. Someone could touch you and leave a heat print on your t-shirt. I wore them months before anyone else. Consequently, a number of clubkids started rumours that went something like, "Hey, look at the Asian girl with that strange t-shirt!" Emphasize "strange" to mean "dorky." When these t-shirts hit the big time and everyone was wearing one, these wannabe fashion trendsetters started looking up to me for advice!

So, do wear your stilettos every now and again this fall, but do keep in mind that there are also a number of exquisite ankle-length leather boots with skinny and wide heels that look great, too (check out Aldo for some great wide-heeled shoes and boots). It all depends upon the rest of your outfit, the look you're after, and the mood you're in. Just remember that if you choose to wear stilettos, you can never get enough practice walking in them, so start early and keep on pumpin'!

Question: I want to wear five-inch stiletto heels on my next trip to the clubs. What kinds of shoes do you suggest: pumps, slings, or platforms?

Answer: Why in God's name would you want to wear five-inch heels anywhere? Save your feet and go with three- to four-inch heels. You will walk in a more balanced manner instead of teetering about like a kneeless invalid. Add to the fact that the likelihood of falling headfirst down a flight of stairs to your eventual doom is greatly reduced. Save the sky-high heels for private photo sessions or the bedroom.

Question: But I want to wear sky high heels so I can look fabulous!

Answer: Okay, then you had better practice walking in your five- and six-inchers morning, noon, and night every day for the next three months because you will need at least that much practice to get your walk right. Very sexy women in high heels walk a certain way and if you don't walk the same way, do not expect to pass as a woman. In fact, do not expect to pass as anything fabulous.

Question: What is a good look for the fall months?

Answer: From the desks of the cosmetic masterminds, the focus is on subtle variations of classic autumn shades. Revlon is introducing muted nude tones, among them Granite (a frosted brown) and Stone Edge (a dark brown). L'Oreal is showcasing Spice Rack (a cliche' on autumn leaf colors) eyeshadows, Honey Honey (a dark brown), and Mulberry and Subtle Berries (two burgundy colors). Maybelline is concentrating on Halloweenish colors like Cinnamon (a dark brown) and Spiced Pumpkin (a burnt orange).

Estee Lauder is still showing us their stupid black and white ads, so we will never know what their colors will look like in color photographs. Avoid. By far, the colors that have really caught my eye are by Lancome as evidenced by Rouge Idols and Vernis Absolu, two very deep burgundy rose shades. The model in their ads is absolutely breathtaking. I love her long eyelashes. Presently, one of my personal fave nail colors is Pro 10's Fugitive. It's a glittery deep burgundy color.

An earth tone palette is always a classic color palette for the fall, but it tends to be a bit cliche' if not used imaginatively. Try using earth tones on your eyes and cheeks only and a deep burgundy on your lips outlined in dark brown. Avoid anything outside of brown or black for eyeliner, mascara, and brow color. Do not wear bright red lipstick. That was last year's fall color.

Long nails are still out (except in Philly and Brooklyn, it seems), but short nails are no longer the rage, either. Go for a medium length and give them a spot of deep (dark) color. Press&Go, a competitor to Lee Press-On Nails, has introduced a new line of "Runway Model" precolored nails. One of my fave colors in that line is Prowl, a deep brown shade. If you wear precolored press-on nails, make sure you apply two coats of clear topcoat on top of each nail to give it that wet salon finish.

I bet a drag queen could teach people a thing or two about waxing and polishing cars!

Now it's time for me to dig out my Drag Queen Crystal Ball and come up with an interesting outfit for the dragkids out there...

Take out your ribbed turtlenecks again, because they never go out of style for the fall months. The style of turtleneck to wear this season is the kind with the really long neck, so avoid mock necks. Avoid browns and bright "summer" colors. Find ivory, burgundy, or dark green and wear it underneath a sexy waist-length brown or (preferably) black leather jacket. A black skirt and ankle length three- to four-inch high leather boots that match the color of your jacket complete the look. You may substitute a single-piece ribbed turtleneck dress for the turtleneck and skirt, but do wear a wide belt (two inches or greater) with it.

Another neat look is a chenille sweater with shiny matching color slacks. You can find these items, especially the shiny slacks, at Compagnie International Express. Your butt will look so good in them! Express is fast becoming a haven of neat clothing for crossdressers. Shop or keep shopping there until Express stops becoming cool... which isn't any time soon. Check out their Web site for a coupon worth some bucks.

If wearing black, lean towards wearing silver jewelry. If wearing brown, lean towards wearing gold jewelry. If your hair is blonde to light auburn, lean towards wearing black. Encase your legs with black ribbed tights for a more preppy look or sheer offblack pantyhose for a more sexy look. Put away your fishnets, because the sleazy look is not what we're after here.

Book Review

Uh oh, everyone's not-so-fave drag wannabe badboy basketball whiz Dennis Rodman has a paper doll book out called Bad As I Wanna Dress: The Unauthorized Dennis Rodman Paper Doll Book, Three Rivers Press, 1997. Laden with many of his tabloid shock media quotes and the same incompetent use of fonts as his autobiography, this book has fun with a capital "F" written all over it. Paper dresses include a wedding dress, nun habit, flapper dress with a boa, Queen of England, guardian angel and devil, and lots of nude body parts.

As Dennis states in one of his quotes, "I'd love to do a L'Eggs commercial where I shave my legs onscreen." Uh... thanks, but no thanks, Dennis. Stick to basketball.

Further Questions?

I hope you found this column both fun and useful!
If you would like to read more about me, click here! See ya' next month!


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