Thought Trans-mission

The Straight Bar

By Melody Griffiths


I think there is probably nothing more intimidating to a transsexual, nothing considered more of a "leap of faith" then going to a straight bar. Visions of drunk rednecks kicking you in the head, that sort of thing. It seems like it's a kind of a "goal" in transition -- sort of the ultimate test or something.

Well, I had the opportunity a few months ago to do just that. My partners work was having a party at a local straight bar, and after a great deal of consideration we decided to go. It was a rock/sports bar downtown in the city in which I live, which was recently remodeled, and the previous bar had built quite the reputation for being somewhat violent.

Getting in the door, like most "firsts" in ones new gender, was probably one of the biggest challenges I had to face -- not because of any external opposition, but because of my own fear. I suppose it's kind of like the "point of no return"; once you're in, you can't come back out -- and the stigma in the back of your mind that it's a bit of a no-no for a transsexual to be in a straight bar tends to make one hesitate.

We decided to "jump in", and entered the bar. At the end of the entrance there was a coat check, but I just wanted to sit down and keep my coat, in case I wanted to run away rather quickly. But my partner, Vanessa, had other ideas. With her usual "both-feet-planted-on-thin-air" attitude, she decided that we should check our coats, and despite my complaints we did.

Still no problems yet. There weren't any fire alarms going off, or large men chasing us around, but I sure felt like a mouse trying to get a chunk of cheese from the trap. I look back on the situation now, and I don't see it as being much different than the first time I went shopping, or to the doctor or something -- but it's the mystique, the idea perpetuated by the transgender community that it's a definite faux-pas to go to a straight bar.

This seems to happen a lot, especially among the older TG crowd. Now, I'm not singling anyone out, but they sure seem to be a bit more timid, and a bit more negative about what can happen to a transsexual out there in the real world. I've had transsexuals who didn't want to go to a "normal" restaurant, even, because they felt that they'd get read and embarrassed by the staff there. Or transsexuals who think that if kids read them they're going to get chased and beaten up. Not a very cheery image for someone who is just starting.

We sat down, and the waiter came over and we ordered a couple of drinks. He seemed completely unphased by us, and left to get our order. While we were sitting there, I noticed that there were people looking at me -- mostly guys though, and it wasn't a "reading" sort of look.

If you're starting to think that this is about tooting my own horn, don't worry, it isn't. The point is that because of the stigma against going into straight bars, no one looks for transsexuals in them.

This is quite an advantage.

Case in point -- I need to do a "bit more" here in the cosmopolitan city in which I live in order to pass successfully, because most women my age are quite cosmetic in regards to their appearance.

Okay, now contrast this with a little town in southeastern BC called Revelstoke which I happened through a few months ago. I had been on a bus for about 6 hours by that point, and I hadn't slept very well the night before. My makeup was getting quite shot, and I was wearing jeans, hiking boots, a ski-jacket and a beret. Not the most feminine of clothing I suppose. I was hungry, so I went to the local A&W to get something to eat.

I placed my order, and the person at the counter said, "That will be about 5 minutes, miss."

Now, I'm not completely extraordinary in the looks department, but even in the shape I was in, what the population of the area was used to was more polarized gender looks. The men in the restaurant almost all had mustaches and beards, and wore baseball caps -- that sort of thing, and the women were all wearing tights and turtleneck sweaters and stuff. So no one was likely to place me as male. But, the overwhelming point of the whole exercise was:

They weren't looking for TS's. I suppose they're not a very common thing in Revelstoke.

There are lots of places where people just don't for TS's, and places where people do. At gay bars, people definitely do. At straight bars, they tend not to. In the women's department of Wal-Mart, people do. At your small mall clothing outlet, they tend not to. At McDonalds they do, at Smitty's/IHOP they don't -- because we've worked ourselves up such a stereotype that people have come to expect us in certain situations.

This brings us back to the straight bar. We had no problems that night, and looking back I understand why we didn't. Because no ones really looking, and no one really cares. Now, I imagine that if a TS were trying to pick up men in a straight bar, that might lead to a few problems -- but as for going in there and having a couple drinks, I'd have to say that probably your local mellow-ish straight bar won't be a problem for you.

One more thing -- if you _do_ get read out in the real world, at a restaurant or whatever, I've found that the best way to keep the situation together is to be cheerful and nice and not register that it's happened. If you get all haughty and uptight over it then they're going to get haughty and uptight over you. But if they see that you're cool with it, then generally they'll be cool with it too. Just an observation.



Melody Griffiths is a 22 year-old pre-op transsexual living full-time in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. She is a musician, a keyboardist and composer who loves cats, kids, flowers, and art of all forms. She can be mailed here -- or check out her homepage.

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