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By Julie Freeman
Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine
years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie is a regular colunnist for
the DVG newsletter and has also contributed to the ETVC newsletter, Tapestry and the Femme
Mirror. Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995. Her e-mail address is julie39@ibm.net. She
may also be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or by snail mail to DVG, PO Box
272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885
.
Discretion
Although we have told our children about their dad's crossdressing, it still comes as a shock to
me when I pick up our family's telephone and someone asks for Donna or when a message on our
answering machine mentions Donna. We firmly believe in the privacy of individuals and are
surprised at how easily people pass out phone numbers without finding out FIRST if the individual
wants his number given out. In our case, we have a hot line number that we give out and expect
any and all calls related to gender to come in through the hot line. Our personal telephone
number is for family, etc., and is not to be given out without our knowledge.
We have all heard horror stories of work phone numbers being given out indiscriminately. Imagine
your secretary who knows nothing of your personal life receiving a phone call for "Samantha"
when she only knows you as "Edward." These are the types of situations that cause significant
others to go ballistic. In another case, a crossdresser's children, who knew nothing about their
father's lifestyle, listened to their answering machine and found a call for "Chrissie." This
circumstance only caused additional friction between the crossdresser and his wife as this was
precisely the kind of situation she feared.
It seems sometimes that no matter how hard you try to remind people in the gender community to
remember crossdressers' privacy, someone will forget and pass out phone numbers, and sometimes
addresses, without thinking. We know there are many in the community who freely pass our their
phone numbers and do not care who calls. But there are many others who still believe in
discretion, who still wish to maintain their privacy and this needs to be respected.
Do not pass on a telephone number without first checking that it is okay. This is particularly
important with those you consider friends because it is too easy to assume your friends won't
mind your giving out their telephone number.
If you are given a telephone number then it would be most courteous when you call that person to
refrain from using that person's femme name if you reach an answering machine or another family
member. There are discreet ways of leaving a message without arousing curiosity or inviting
embarrassing questions.
When we return calls received on our hot line, we must be very discreet since we have no idea if
the person calling has revealed any of his gender concerns to others around him.
Common courtesy is expected in the business world when using the telephone. Let us extend this
to the gender community as well.
(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)
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