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Big Hair & Parrot Heads

By Vanessa Kaye



I admit that it may be rather difficult to discern, but beneath this "big hair" lives a "Parrot Head." For those of you who do know what a Parrot Head is, I think you'll understand the following. For those of you who don't know, don a pair of shorts and sandals, get a pitcher of margaritas, put Jimmy Buffett on your stereo and turn the volume up.

Okay, so I'm not ready to give everything away and go off to live in the islands; well, at least not this week. And, despite the fact that I know Jimmy Buffett is really just a tremendous marketeer, who no longer lives what he sings, there is a great deal of useful philosophy in his simple songs.

I don't think that I could ever really say which Jimmy Buffett song is my favorite; yet, there is one that seems to stand out from the rest. I remember a few years ago when all was rather dark in my life and I was going through a difficult time, an acquaintance of mine said, "Put Jimmy Buffett's Changes in Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes on the CD player and hit Repeat. After awhile, things will look different."

He was right! This particular little song is filled with so many useful lines that it isn't possible to cover them all in this short essay. I do want to mention a few of them and talk about how they relate to us as transgendered individuals, as well as our partners.

The song starts out with Jimmy saying that he's decided to take a weekend off to think about all that has happened to him in the last year. Just as soon as he started to take himself too seriously, he ran into "a chum, with a bottle of rum and wound up drinking all night." I'm not advocating immoderate consumption of alcohol; I am, however, questioning the value of trying to figure out how it is that one comes to be where one is. Who cares? "Yesterday's over my shoulder, so I can't look back for too long."

Sure, we've all had tough times. But then again, haven't there been plenty of good times, too? Later in the song, Jimmy sings, "Good times and riches, and sons of bitches, I've seen more than I can recall. Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes, nothing remains quite the same. Through all of the islands, and all of the highlands, if we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."

We have acquaintances who blame everything that happens to them on everyone but themselves. God, I hate that! Lighten up! Everyone's life has high spots and low spots, but quit whining about it and get over it.

Okay, so you or someone you know, likes to wear the clothes of the opposite gender. More than that, they like to dress up and act out the role of that other gender. What's the big deal? Is anyone being hurt? Is this gender-bending going to make it more likely that the sun won't come up tomorrow or that your car won't start?

Let's face it, if you sit back and look at what it is we do, as crossdressers, there's quite a bit of humor in it. Here are these "mild-mannered" people from every walk of life (much like Clark Kent) who periodically don lingerie and get themselves all painted up and hit the town. Most of us don't fool anyone, yet we do have a good time. In my own case, for some unknown reason, Vanessa is a bit more wild and free than her male counterpart. Great! What's the value in looking back and trying to figure out why? For me, life is too short to keep looking back over my shoulder. And, as Jimmy would say, "There's too much to see waiting in front of me to keep looking back for too long."

Learn to laugh, not only at the things that go on around you, but also at yourself. I can tell you, from personal experience, that there are often times that I find my crossdressing attempts more than a little funny. "If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane."

If you're the spouse or partner of a transgendered person, you may think, "Oh, woe is me. What a terrible shame it is that I have to bear and to hide. My husband/partner likes to dress and act like a woman." Look around you, at the husbands of your friends and ask yourself if being a football widow is better, or if having your husband spend the entire Fall out killing deer and pheasants is more fun. I don't think so. Give it a chance, "Now dear, how do you know you don't like asparagus if you won't try it?"

It seems that the underlying philosophy of the Parrot Heads is this: "Life is short, enjoy it and be a part of the ongoing adventure. And above all else, don't take yourself so damn seriously." I have a friend I know who has a little poster in her office which reads, "Life is short, eat dessert first!" I'll have the cheesecake, please (naturally!)

Hugs, Vanessa Kaye




Linda and Vanessa Kaye both write for Transgender Forum on a regular basis.

They also run the Couples Network , a safe place for couples to connect and learn more about living in a relationship with a transgender person.

They have their own web site you may enjoy.

Linda and Vanessa have also written a book together:
"Life With Vanessa"
Straight talk about integrating transgenderism into
a loving, caring and positive relationship.





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