Hola, my little muchahas. My, I can't believe another month has slid by. I have been one busy little Diva and haven't had much time to keep track of the dish. In fact, I left the country for awhile and didn't even have television! Oh, the horror.
Not having the boob tube was a reasonable sacrifice when you consider that I spent a week in the fabulous Caribbean. Well, "I" didn't go, but that guy who shares my body went. At least he brought it back with a tan. I could have gotten by without the mosquito bites, though. And he did bring me a lovely batik print dress that he found on the clearance rack at a quaint little shop in St. Johns, Antigua.
OK, that's enough of the girls self/boy self stuff. It was me, allright? I had just gotten done with helping out at the 2nd International Congress on Sex & Gender Issues hosted by Renaissance in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, and I had been enfemme for four days. I was the Princess of Prussia. (JoAnn Roberts is the Queen of Prussia.) After one day of packing it was time to hit the islands for a battery recharge. I gotta tell ya, I was the whitest person on the entire beach, and to add to my mysterious presence, I had a good crop of beard shadow--all over my body. I electric razored everyday before my morning swim but until I darkened up a shade or two it was pretty scary. Just ask the groundskeeper of our hotel. He couldn't take his eyes off the expanse of pale white with black dots. Why can't body hair go prematurely grey?
Anyhow kittens, after a week in the islands I was recharged, tanned and ready to rock. The day after I returned I was in that little batik print number doing a talk to a graduate sexology class on the wonders of crossdressing. It's so nice when you can be your own show and tell.
After that it was one thing after another. I don't know if I've mentioned, but I'm the Executive Director of Renaissance. We just celebrated our 10th Anniversary on June 21st and we had a great turnout, around 200 folks showed up to have dinner, jam with some live music and hear some performance art from Kate Bornstein. Kate was worried that she might have offended some of the more delicate attendees with some graphic material from her book, Gender Outlaw. Well don't worry Kate, I'm sure you did, but I liked it. Besides, that's what performance art is all about. Get the audience to feel something. Now if I could only get someone to feel my leg. But, I digress. Too many rum punches in the islands I guess.
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So here we are, Renaissance is ten years old and we want it to go on for many more decades helping people be there own transgendered selves without guilt or shame. Sometime in the past ten years of assisting people the Board of Directors forgot to put together a ten year plan and so we've just been chugging along. Now, the engine is all set to run out of steam. The Board , in an effort to keep the best printed on paper newsletter (we all know TGF is the best thing in cyberspace) in the community available to the most folks by keeping the yearly subscription price down, neglected to raise the rates high enough to pay for the increased costs of doing business in the 90's.
After a big Board meeting this month it was decided to continue to run the portion of Renaissance, Renaissance National and keep producing a newsletter. Those who are members will be getting the details soon. If you're not a member... WHY NOT!? The rest of the year's newsletter can be obtained for only $10.00 American. Next year there will be some changes so get in now on the ground floor. Take a look at the samples on the Renaissance site and sign up if you like it. Help Renaissance to keep on helping.
Boy, can she get serious or what? I think she started to tear up on that one. Back to the world of TG fun.
You better work, as one well known drag queen is wont to sing, and indeed I did. I was lucky enough to be picked by the sensible ladies who run Lola, Inc. to be one of their models for their soon to arrive catalog and updated website. I attended the open call for models that they held a month or so ago and used all the little modeling tips I've picked up from the WWW, and from W magazine, to wow 'em. Remember, if you're going out for a modeling job, wear a short skirt. Models always do that.
Anyhow, it worked for me, along with that fact that I had acting experience and could do what I was told without having to be told too many times. We did the shoot (I love that kinda talk) last week and I think the finished product is gonna be good. The Lola ladies are fun to work with and the photographer gave great direction. Of course, on the downside, I had to diet for a week to prepare.
I used the model's diet--Marlboros and diet Coke. It was tough cause no matter how you season a cigarette, it just doesn't taste good when you eat it. Washing it down with the diet Coke helped but I hate that artificial sweetener aftertaste. Yuck. It keeps the weight off though, I'll say that for it. I was actually able to wear a slinky white Spandex number that I would have never fit into a few short weeks ago. Of course there was a woman named Roberts there who kept yelling, "Suck it in!" Seriously, the things you have to do for a modeling job! Unlike many of your super models I had added worries. Our call time (that's when you have to be there for the shoot. Oh boy, more fashion talk) was 8 a.m. and that meant I had to get up at five to do something that Naomi Campbell never has to do--shave my whole body.
The girl who came down from New York City, Miss Minerva, had to get up at four in the morning since she came in by train. She still looked fabulous. She's a waitress, and not in a donut shop, either. She works at a place which she tells me was the first drag eatery in Manhattan. It was there before Lucky Cheng's. Running on three hours sleep and too much coffee have made me forget the name, but if you really wanna know drop me a line and I'll call her and find out just for you. The third girl was Miss Brittany and together we made a tasty trio, or something that rhymes.
Girlfriend, we worked from eight to eight. If you think it's tough maintaining your glamourous image when you go out for the evening, try being in top form for twelve hours. I loved every minute of it. Even those short naps I took while standing up. (The girls always caught me when I started to tip.) How did we do it? Caffeine! We also had hair and makeup help from Miss Tips. That's Lynda Krupa from CDTips.
Whenever we got shiny the photographer would yell, "makeup!" and Lynda would hit us in the face with a giant powder puff. Oh, no... that was just an hallucination due to sleep deprivation. She just used little brushes and puffs. Basically, I loved every minute of it. But, like I said I've been so busy that all this column's been about is me, me, me. As they say in Antigua, "No problem, mon."
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I did hear a couple of things in between the meetings, the modeling and the bingeing and purging. (It's a joke!) It seems that Hollywood is atwitter with rumors that famed director Michael Cimino has "gone transsexual." Just because the guy's gotten his hair done blonde and might be using a little eyeliner doesn't mean he's a TS. He's probably just a crossdresser. Whatever the case, keep up the good work Michael, and by the way, the management has asked me to let you know it's time to renew your TG Forum subscription. Chiao, bubbela.
It seems that radical feminists from the 60's just can't change with the times. Back in the day Germaine Greer was one of the bad mammas of the feminist movement, and nobody's sweetheart. OK, she had some sweethearts, it was a figure of speech. Now she's a grey haired professor in England at Cambridge University, a women only school. All was well until the head of one of the University's colleges, Newnham, decided to take on Dr. Rachel Padman, 43, as a Fellow of Newnham College. Dr. Padman is a physicist specialising in star formation. Sometimes people who have their heads that far out into the mysteries of the universe don't have their personal little patches of teh cosmos under control. It seems, however, that Dr. Padman has been a woman who knows what she wants for a few years now. In 1982 the then male Dr. Padman underwent a sex-change operation to become a woman. Since this happened in England she legally remains a man. I guess all that Cheddar cheese has clogged up their thinking. If it looks like a woman, walks like a woman and quacks like... no, that's a duck. But you know what I'm saying, let the men who want to be women be women, legally. And there is the crux of our tale. According to the statutes of the college, which was founded in 1871, all fellows must be women. Ms. Greer has her knickers in a twist about the admission of Dr. Padman. Infact, she said, "We have Driven a coach and horses through our statutes and I can't believe we did it. It's disgraceful that Dr. Padman has been placed in this situation. It makes me very angry."
Well, if not a coach, which is a trifle Victorian, how about an articlulated lorry? Truck to you Yanks. Dr. Padman told the Principal that she was afraid that just this sort of thing would happen. Until the British legal system gets itself hoisted into the 20th Century (which could happen anytime now that we're almost entering the 21st) the women at Cambridge University are going to have to keep a stiff upper lip, and perhaps be more tolerant of a little thing we Colonials call diversity.
I had to use that title, it was just too good. Esquire magazine asks"Who is the Scariest Woman Alive?'' in its annual "Women We Love'' issue, which just dropped into newstands everywhere. 62 percent of its readers said Roseanne is the scariest woman, followed by Kathie Lee Gifford and President Clinton's accuser Paula Jones. Well ya know, Roseanne is the Wicked Witch of the West. Ah my pretties! And have you looked closely at Kathy Lee? That girls wearing more makeup than me, and that's doing some. Paula Jones? Ohhh yeah, that's scary kids. What's up with that hair do? Like ya know?
Which women did Esquire readers adore? Cover girl Julianna Margulies, publishing doyenne Katharine Graham, TV and stage star Christine Baranski, singer Fiona Apple, Xena herself Lucy Lawless, and actress Anne Heche. Heck, the only one I never heard of is that Heche babe. The rest are all first class examples of the type of woman that we members of the transgendered community should seek to emmulate. Perhaps someday Esquire will do an issue of "TG Women We Love." Of course that means that they'd have to do the scariest TG woman. Don't go there girls! And now, it's time for me to go one outta here. See ya next month my little raspberries.
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