FlotsamBy Jami Ward ( Normally, this piece gets written because some idea bobs to the surface of my brain long enough to get noticed as something that I might be able to turn into a TGF column. However, for some reason, this month instead of one big chunk coming to the top, several smaller ones have done so. On their own, they probably aren't big enough to warrant a whole article, but I figured if I put them all together, they might add up to enough words to fool the editor. (ed. note: she ain't foolin' me, but I like it anyway) )
Chunk 2: I had my feelings hurt by a very dear friend the other day. She said something to the effect that regardless of how good I looked or how well I was dressed, she still saw me as just a guy in a dress when I appeared en femme. Questioning her statement made me feel a little better when she admitted that the guy she saw was much more feminine than masculine, was much more honest emotionally than other guys and was really sweet and outgoing. But she still saw a "him", not a "her". I then realized that she had known me and related to me as a guy long before she ever knew about my transgenderism. Her perception of me is HER perception of me, and she is as entitled to that opinion as she was to any other that I might disagree with. Then it finally struck me that while I was totally prepared to be "read" by strangers, I wasn't prepared to have to deal with that kind of attitude from my friends; just because they're my friends doesn't mean that they have to accept my transgendered nature. I disagree with most of my friends about something, and yet they are still my friends. I need to work on this facet of my nature as being just another point of disagreement between friends. Chunk 3: My son is rapidly approaching his second birthday, and everyone I know that has children has been sure to warn me about the "Terrible Twos". (For those who don't know, that's when children, especially boys, seem to become almost impossible to deal with or live with.) Well, my son has already entered this phase, but I think I know why kids go through this stage of development. First, it's because at about this age, children really begin to develop a sense of themselves as independent entities, capable of deciding things and doing things for themselves. This leads to every answer they utter or action they take being exactly the opposite of what parents want. This line of reasoning has been well documented by others. However, because I spend some part of my life communicating with others, I think I've come up with another reason. At this age, children are smart enough to know that they want to talk and even what they want to say, but they aren't quite capable of sustaining a full-blown conversation yet. Consequently, they get frustrated and angry because they can't make themselves understood and have a tendency to fall back on the modes of communication that do work for them: crying, screaming and saying "No." As a parent, I'm hoping this insight will aid me in surviving this period in my son's life. But I think this applies to us (so-called) grown-ups in the world in general, too. When we fail to make our point because we either can't or won't communicate it to others, we tend to get angry and frustrated. Then, we either fall back on those old modes of communication that didn't work, either, or we stop trying to communicate altogether. At least, the two-year old keeps trying to get his point across and keeps trying to learn how to communicate. Chunk 4: I am very, very eager to get to the Southern Comfort Conference this year. I thought that I'd kind of burned out on big conventions like the Be-All or Southern Comfort, but I find that getting to Atlanta this fall is one of the things that is getting me through a long, hard, hot summer. I've made all my travel arrangements, but now a monetary situation has arisen that may prevent my going. It's still more likely that I will be attending than that I won't, but it's no longer the guaranteed thing that it was a month ago. Yes, I know that nothing is guaranteed, and I am struggling mightily to tell myself that sometimes the world doesn't move the way I want it to. However, those platitudes are not really helping to dispel the sense of impending disappointment that I feel closing in on me because I really want to go and realize I might not be able to do so. For me, though, the emphasis here is on the word "might". I don't like not knowing, and I think most folks are the same. If the outcome is good or bad, we can handle it; what we can't handle is not knowing the outcome. I won't know the outcome of this situation until sometime next month, but right now I'm still looking forward to being in Atlanta. You can write to Jami via Email and Visit Jami's Home Page
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