Anne Marie Pemberton



Into the Journey

By Anne Marie Pemberton


Early winter of 1996 during session with my therapist I ask him about having a letter of recommendation to an Endocrinologist so that I could start HRT. Not surprisingly he said that by providing him with a name and address he would write that letter and recommend me to the doctor of my choice. This he did and after having complete physical and lab work done I started on hormone therapy with my first injection of Estradiol Valerete on Jan. 2, 1997.

That was a day to remember, being shy, nervous, but itching to start. I really cried happy tears as I was leaving his office. I'd really started on my journey. I'm really on the way to correcting the problem in my life. Like so many other transsexuals before me I found a certain sense of well-being and emotional peace once I'd gotten hold of my life through therapy and then starting HRT. I had a plan to speak with my employer in the very, very near future. Recently I sent a friend of mine a draft of the letter that I'll ultimately sent to my employer. The draft includes what I wish to say to him and questions that I need to ask during the conversation. I'm kind of a feel-your-way-through-a-problem-and-plan accordingly when necessary. This works well when you may have to alter some course by a few degrees, with the same destination in mind.

This will be a trying experience I'm sure, for me and especially for my boss. I work on a federal contract as a contract employee, but established here should help. On the other hand, so many people know me as Michael. What will they think and how will they react when the time comes for me to come to work as ME? Of course there's the possibility that the company I work for will think about this and decide that I should be working in the Contract Office off-site. If that is suggested, then I'll do it and do it gladly because I'll still have a job, but I think I'll have a place here anyway.

They can't just up and fire me. That is discrimination. After all they'll know what the situation really is, that this is about life and not about anything perverted.

I've been slowly and subtlety changing my outward appearance at work especially now with clothing and I think some people are beginning to notice there's something happening to Michael. My hair is long; recently I dyed it a dark brown, and it has softer brown highlights. My facial hair is gone with only the neck to complete. I feel and know that I'm looking good. I've even started wearing a very light makeup; dermal blend chrome#2 with a soft bisque powder, no blush of course, but just a hint of dark brown mascara.

I intend to keep my manner of dress causal and simple including my makeup when it's time. Once a "girl" is in hormone therapy and other changes, it's all for real and I don't want anyone to think of me as a freak, but to try and accept me for who and what I am. That's all I ask. even if you can't accept the change, then at least honor and respect my courage and honesty.

A girlfriend of mine is a beauty consultant and I use her wonderful products "Beauty Control" daily; soft facial scrub, soothing tonics, rejuvenation lotion, and moisturizers. Along with the electrolysis, this is all making a difference in my appearance. Of course somewhere in there HRT will have it's effect too. As for the hormones, well my breasts remain to have a slight soreness, but are growing, and it's wonderful to see that and know that they're mine. ( I've been wearing forms for years; soon no more ). When I wear a tighter top; blouse, or sweater, I am beginning to show.

Of course these things will be relayed to my boss during the conversation.

Well all of these steps and processes gets me closer to going full-time; I'm really already out as Anne Marie to the extent that I go shopping with a GG friend of mine and do use the ladies room, and changing rooms without so much as a thought. It's great being accepted as a woman by a woman and having her want to talk with you about girl things of which we now do several times a week. Her husband is a really fine fellow and has acknowledged the fact that He is really a She.

Recently we were in a department store where there was a dress sale going on; I was looking for something to wear to a wedding and found it. Well I'd finally found something wonderful, light pink and summery when I knew that I just had to try it on. So I went up to the counter; not having seen where the fitting rooms were, and ask the cashier. She was an attractive lady, mid-forties, like me, and I asked her where the fitting room was. She pointed me in the right direction and off I went.

The dress fit me to a tee; I'm finally wearing a 10! and it's great! It's a real feminine light pink with short sleeves, inch below the knee, round princess neck line that my cultured pearls will go perfect with. I also bought a cute little matching clutch bag to go with it. I already have a pair of light pink pumps. Vanity, vanity; I'm thinking seriously of a Glamour shot once my hair is done. Yes that's another thing that'll be changing soon enough; a girl at the salon where I have my "E" done will do my hair; a perm whenever I wish to. She's worked with M2F women before so it's no surprise to her. One stop servicing. Of course my choice of hair style will need to be such that I don't attract too much attention, yet at work, but I'm sure the stylist will know what to do. I've got a idea how I want it from some of the hair style magazines that I've been looking at.

Well I have to tell you that I do pass well in public. It's the clothes you wear, your presentation, and confidence. It all seems to real and natural for me.

I very glad that the storm in my life is over and that even though there'll be some odd, rough and difficult moments and frustrations from here on out. even after surgery. This is it, this is my life, and I'm happy to be here.

There's so many things to do and plan in transition, especially planning, and for me working now with a window so to speak on when I will go full-time. It almost seems to me with the some of the experiences I'm having and how I' am that I'm already in that "real-life-test" phase but only partly.

Some of the GG friends of mine who know about me, have told me that I'm looking and being enough so that I should be living as a woman now. Seems that the only time that I need to partially revert back to Michael is at work and with my folks, though my father God Bless him already knows that something is going on, and that it's for keeps. Well prior to going full-time, he'll know more then he knows today. Last year I told him about Xdressing and that it's here to stay and has been a integral part of my life for eons, so the ground work is set, and of course I have the complete support of my therapist, and a couple of close women friends at this point. A few nights ago I'd finished updating my journal and thought about all that my parents have and do mean to me, and how this is going to effect them, especially my Dad. How is he going to feel knowing that his son, is and has been a daughter all this time. Thinking back over some things that took place when I was growing up he'll see that I was at times an unhappy child, and wondering what I was; not getting along to well with the other boys, being small and timid, feeling more comfortable being with girls, and yes those times when my mother caught me with nylons, and panties, though I didn't have them on then when she found me.

Laying on my couch I started to cry, crying about a release that has to come, and has come, but worrying how I'm going to be accepted and understood by my parents. I finally stopped, washed my face and got ready for bed. But still I didn't find any sleep, so I went back to my journal and re-read all that's happened in the last year. This made me feel some what better along with a glass of wine, but still not able to sleep, I took a bath and painted my toes and by then the goddess help me in her arms and I was able to go to sleep. Next week I speak with my financial consultant about my accounts and the fact that I will be legally changing my name in the near future. He needs to know this, and I don't want to blind side him with my life change at the last moment. Another item that needs to be addressed. I'm sure he'll be just fine. He's become a friend as well as a business partner who is kind, understanding and patient. That's a good set of qualities to have.

Two weeks ago I was waiting in my therapist's sitting room and when he came into the room to greet me he was surprised by who he saw. For a moment he really didn't recognize me, but knew that he was addressing a woman, as he mentioned several times describing me and my appearance during my session. It's wonderful to have a man compliment you on how pretty and good you look. I like that much, but even more so when it's woman doing the complimenting; you've arrived and have been accepted.