Couples

By Julie Freeman


Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie has contributed to the "Other Voices" column of the ETVC newsletter (THE CHANNEL) and also writes articles on gender issues for the DVG newsletter (DEVIL WOMAN), Tapestry Magazine, the Femme Mirror and the Internet (TGF). Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995 and may be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or through DVG, PO Box 272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885.

Interesting Conversation

I While driving home the other night from work, I listened to an interesting conversation on the radio. I happened upon it purely accidentally while twisting the dial. It seems that a sociologist has determined that older women who are divorced RARELY marry a second time; they enjoy their privacy and being alone.

This seemed surprising to me as I had always thought women did not want to be alone, that it was that fear that prevented many from seeking separations and divorces, even in abusive situations. It seems, the sociologist continued, that women prefer men in SMALL DOSES.

Now just what does that mean? I was intrigued as you can imagine.Women have the ability, she continued, to form their own social network. They can develop friendships and maintain relationships more easily than their male counterparts, who upon becoming divorced, sort of flounder around, not able to sustain a social network easily.

I don't know whether or not I agree with this sociologist, but her theories did make me think. Many of us at work have many times said that if something happened to our husbands we would not want to marry again. Of course, none of us yet has been put to the test! But all of us mentioned how much we enjoy that private solitary time without husband or children around to take care of.

I started thinking about men and how unfortunate that so many of them do not have the social skills to maintain a network of relationships - that in too many cases, they have relied upon their wives to do this for them. But this is where the crossdresser is different!

Most crossdressers have established an extensive social network. They may belong to many different gender groups and have a variety of social activities available to them. Perhaps it is the feminine side of their personality which gives them the edge here.One can only feel sorry for those divorced men, having relied solely on their wives for taking care of their social life, who feel they have been set adrift on an ocean of loneliness and despair.

The statistics, the sociologist said, point out the highest rate of suicide is among divorced males. This would seem to back up her theories that divorced women adjust better to solitude than men.Perhaps society should make more of an effort to help all men to bring out the feminine side, to help them learn how to establish relationships and networks, rather than dooming them to a life of melancholy because of fear of the feminine.

(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)


Back to Transgender Forum's home page