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Finding Friends
By D'Lover
Do YOU have a First Time Story? Email it to Cindy and we'll publish it!
I t was September '95 and I had just moved to Sacramento.
Knowing that I was
going to be there for just a short time I started looking for a gender group the
second week I was there. I found the phone number to the Sacramento Gender
Association "SGA" listed in the "Tapestry Magazine". Being Brava I called the
number and to my surprise a live voice answered. I was speechless. However the
other person must have had this happen before because they just started talking like
I had already said Hello. The person said Hello; Thank you for calling the
Sacramento Gender Association, my name is Ava. Would you like to attend one of our
prospective member meetings? Then silence. Ava said this must be your first contact
with our group. Do not be afraid, this call is private and no one will ever know
about it. Our group meets twice a month and membership is by approval only. In
order to attend our meetings we would like to meet with you person to person in order
to answer any questions you might have. That way you are not thrown into any
uncomfortable situations. Does that sound fair? Silence again.
This time Ava
waited unit I answered yes. Good Ava said. I was beginning to think that I had
another unspeaking call. It would have been the 3rd tonight.
It is usually the same
person just getting enough information to feel comfortable enough to speak up. Is
this your first call? Yes I replied. From that point on Ava easily befriended me.
30 minutes latter I felt comfortable enough to meet Ava for coffee at a local
restaurant. What a good feeling. My next meeting was a very friendly greeting by
Ava as I was entering Joseph's for my prospective member interview. It was after
work one midweek night and I had stopped in to check things out with Ava. Wittnie a
friend of Ava' was just leaving. Ava introduced me and asked Wittnie to stay a
little longer to meet me. We all talked for about an hour and then Ava had to
leave. We all walked to the parking lot and said goodbye.
Wittnie and I then talked
for another hour just standing in the, parking lot. Wittnie again gave me directions
to the meeting place and offered to pick me up. Another friend, just waiting to be
met. Both Ava and Wittnie were very warm and friendly. Taking the next step and
going to the dinner meeting was going to be a challenge but everything so far had
been easy so my desire to attend the meeting had built to the point of action
As Saturday and my first meeting approached I was filled with a lot of mixed
emotions. Some of these emotions were fear, excitement, apprehension, suspicion.
Even with all these conflicting emotions I was still hungry for friendship and a
desire to be understood by someone. I had declined Wittnie's offer to car pool,
probably out of fear, and wanting to keep all my options to leave at my discretion
open. Thus I arrived late, usual for me. Even thought I was late I did take some
extra time to check out the situation I was about to place myself. I circled the
block to check it out. What was I getting into? It was a good quiet neighborhood,
fairly lit street, close by parking, and I could see a large group of people inside
the Tea Cup Cafe. Ok, this must be the place. I circled the block just one more
time to build up my courage and then I was going to just charge ahead. WOW, parking
place, right at the front door. I pulled in, put on my lipstick for the first time,
Yes, it was for the very first time. My first time to be seen in public with
lipstick on. I then checked myself out. Blouse was OK. It was buttoned straight,
and tucked in. Pants were OK. Nylons were up. Shoes were OK.
What was I doing?
Stalling for time? Building courage? PRIMPING? NO! NO! NO!
Not Primping.
Not ME!!
That's something my wife does. I never did understand her doing all this
primping and I still don't understand why I was doing it then.
It must be what
happens when someone puts on nylons. The nylons restrict the blood flowing from your
legs to your head keeping one from thinking clearly. Anyway everything was finally
checked out for the tenth time and everything appears to be OK.
So now it's time to
join the group. Having talked on the phone with Ava and then going to the interview
at Joseph's and meeting Wittnie I had a good idea about what to expect at the dinner
meeting
I exited the safety of my car and walked the few steps through the door. I was
greeted by a very friendly waitress who asked if she could seat me or was I waiting
for someone else. I told her that I was looking for SGA dinner party. She said, Oh
them! They are right over here and are just getting started.
She then guided me
back to the group. Every one says hi, or welcome or something like that. At least
it was all friendly. Ava then stood up and formally introduced me. I was seated and
everyone then introduced themselves. Dinner was ordered and life just seemed to go
on as usual. As usual as any dinner meeting except that most of the attendees were
men wearing dresses.
Discussions were about family, friends, people in the
hospital, jobs, kids, everyone talking at the same time. After a while I discovered
that most of the conversations were centered on their families and kids. What a
great group. People with priorities similar to mine. Dinner was served and the
conversations continue. What a chatty group it was. Dinner was finally finished and
the formal meeting opened. Ten minutes later, last months minutes were read, the
financial report given, next months agenda presented and approved, and a motion made
to adjourn to Joseph's bar and grill. All members seconded the motion and the
meeting was adjourned. As most of the group does go out to Joseph's, another safe
haven I am told, I followed along. The evening passed so fast it was 12:30 before I
know it. Where did the evening go? I could hardly wait for the next meeting. -
BEING OUT - BEING OPEN- it had been so easy, so much fun.
In closing I want to mention J. and J. who were married to each other and were also
new at that meeting. Because they were a couple trying to understand this experience
they were treated even more kindly than I was. From the looks on their faces they
went from being full of questions to being very open and sharing about where they
were on this gender road and about their new baby and the tasks of being new parents.
Why had I waited 28 years to do this? Why Now? Why, Why, Why!
I know why. It was
because from my very fist phone call to the SGA, I was treated as a valued friend,
someone whose feelings were important, someone whom the person on the other end of
the phone wanted to meet. Having taken those first two steps, to call and then to
meet Ava, the dinner meeting just seemed like the most logical thing to do. At the
dinner meeting I meet with Lisa and Bernadette, more friends with understanding and
compassion. That is "Why Now?" Now because the SGA befriended me, one person at a
time through honest loving, compassionate, understanding.
Qualities I look for in
any organization or group I would want to be associated with.
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