My Week in Plymouth
By Cheryl
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A year ago, frightened out of my wits, I made my first hesitant posting to
TGForum. I knew what I had and felt within me, and I was terrified. Part of
what scared me was the sheer prospect of doing something, finally, about
what I felt. Another, undoubtedly, was the danger involved in where "doing
something" might lead, danger to me, maybe danger to whole way I had built
my life. I'm in my forties. I have a family and I love them. A prosperous
business. What would happen to my life, to the people I love, to the world
I'd built, if I started expressing what I've felt for long within, that I'm
much more a woman than a man?
I still don't know the answer to those questions, but I've come a long way
since I first hit that send key. I realize that I could go a lot farther,
and that maybe I will. That's still in the future. This is the story of how
I've gotten as far as I have.
My first time out. May 16th 1997
Well, this was going to be my biggest test yet, I had achieved so much this
year. Its hard to remember how terrified I was just to make my first
posting on the Net, so short a time ago. In the time since then I'd come a
long way toward making peace with myself. I'd learned that I could look
good, and convincing, as a woman. I'd gone out on the streets, at first for
just a few minutes, and then for longer and longer periods of time. Now
could I really spend a whole week as the female I had always longed to be?
My first time in public had happened only a few months ago, on May 16th
this year, for a bare twenty minutes, in the dark of the evening. I'm over
40 years old and I've been envying women being women for all of those
years. Finally I did find myself walking along the road as if I WAS a
woman, something I never thought I could do. I hadn't done it alone. A
lovely lady called Chris from Crystals, a dressing service in Chatham,
England had helped me achieve what I had thought impossible. As long as I
kept my hands in my pockets, as these were considered a bit of a giveaway
due to the hair on my fingers and wrists, and didn't speak, I was passable
as a female. Or so at least she told me, and of course I wanted to believe.
With that I had the taste of an alcoholic. Over the warm months that
followed I learned a lot. There isn't dark to hide in on the long evenings
of an English summer, and so I started to go out when I could be seen. By
August Chris had me nervously visiting garden centres, chemists, even
popping in for a cup of tea with her friends. I loved every minute of it; I
was happy; I was a woman. I wanted more. MORE, MORE, MORE
Now the time had come to go farther, for a longer period of time. Here I
was then at Sophie's in Plymouth South Devon with my 3 suitcases of female
clothing ready to take that giant leap into womanhood. I had been advised
to go to Brighton on the south coast of England as "They are more accepting
down there" but what would that prove? I wanted to see if I could be
accepted as a female not a TG. A young attractive girl called Juliette
opened the door to what was to be my home for a week. She made me feel
completely at ease and after a cup of coffee and a chat showed me my room.
My few bits of male attire were thrown into a bag and placed out of harms
way. It felt great as I unpacked my undies and placed them in my dressing
table draws and having my wardrobe full of skirts and dresses instead of my
normal drab rags was pure bliss. I still had one horrible male task to
perform though, shaving. I have been going to Erica Poole in Cobham for
electrolysis, as you all know it takes time to remove the fungus around our
faces. Erica had done a great job in the few sessions I've had but there
was still a few bristles to take care of. I then shaved my legs for the
first time ever and trimmed the hair on my arms. I had a shower and was
ready for my first make up lesson.
Juliette took me into her salon and sat me down. Over the next two hours I
was completely transformed while she explained everything in detail to me
right from the use of cleanser, toner and moisturiser to the use of
different colours to match my skin. My wig was placed on my head then I was
allowed to see myself, at least, I think it was me because I certainly
didn't recognise myself at first. Was it my sister? No, it was me, Cheryl.
Then I had my first complaint from Juliette, she liked the red tartan skirt
I was wearing but it just wasn't me I was told. She said my frame is more
suited to longer skirts and besides that IS the fashion after all. I heeded
her advice and put on a blue and black calf length print skirt instead. I
must admit when I looked in the mirror it did make sense. Juliette had done
a fantastic job on me but would I pass? She had already warned me over the
telephone that she is always completely honest with her clients, evidently
only about 20% get the green light to go out in public. I got the big
thumbs up though. What a relief! A few months ago I thought I would have to
spend thousands on plastic surgery to even remotely appear as a female but
between them Chris and Juliette had managed to save my hard earned cash. Of
course I was feeling rather pleased with myself and I wasn't even on
hormones yet. Could I really fulfill my lifetime dream and become a woman?
The next few days would answer that.
I was hoping to go out with another couple of girls that night but for one
reason or another they both had to cancel. I wasn't to be deterred, even if
I was tired after the long journey. Juliette told me about a gay pub happy
to serve TG's so off I drove to Plymouth town centre. Did I really have the
courage to go in a strange pub on my own? Well, I couldn't find Swallow's
anyway so I decided to go back to the house and went out for a walk
instead. I felt happy, I felt content, I felt like Cheryl. Like every good
girl I took my make up off before going to bed and used cleanser, toner and
moisturiser as Juliette had told me. I slept well with my painted nails
looking forward to the next day as a female.
I woke bright and early on the Saturday and after picking out another
outfit to wear I was ready for another make up session. Juliette did a
terrific transformation on me again and I was ready to go out to see the
sites of Plymouth. Helen the S.West RO of the Beaumont Society was picking
me up. I had already contacted Helen via e-mail and she kindly offered to
show me around. It was a scorching hot day but we had some fun. We drove to
The Barbican, Helen
ripped the front of her shoe here so we had to go back to her house to pick
up some new shoes then I was taken off to Dartmoor to visit Tamerton
Foliet, Lopwell Dam, Buckland Manachorum, (the home of Sir Francis Drake),
Capstone, Yeleverton, H.M.Prison Dartmoor, Two Bridges and Buckfastleigh.
Helen needed petrol and I admired her the way she went into the petrol
garage at Crownhill en femme. "How on earth do you have the courage to do
that?" I asked, not knowing at the time what I myself would be doing later
in the week. We stopped at Tavistock as Helen needed to visit a lingerie
shop to arrange for some garments for a future Beaumont do, then we went to
Buckland Abbey and calmly walked around the grounds. In fact there was a
wedding reception which we seemed to manage to get caught in the middle of.
It wasn't until the last minute when we realised a video was being taken of
one of the guests and guess who were in the background? If only they knew.
I'd love to see that video! We took pictures of each other then drove off
to get some more pictures above Mount Battern. Helen took me back to the
house and after saying my thanks and byes I prepared for an evening with
another local girl, Daphne. Helen had already mentioned that she might join
us and after I found out that Daphne couldn't make it after all I made a
phone call to Helen with which she decided to come out and play again. We
ended up in Plymouth shopping centre and walked around for awhile. It was
here we were read by a couple of males, we heard a comment and a few
giggles but what the hell. My attitude was I might look like a man in drag
but inside I feel like a woman. As a man I can look after myself so why
shouldn't I as a woman even if it does mean thumping someone with my
handbag instead of my fist? Nothing more happened anyway but we still made
a swift retreat to the car. This was the only bad experience I had all week
in the end and to be honest I was ready for worse. We went back to the
house for a coffee and a girlie chat. I had lived my first full day as
Cheryl and one little incident like this was not going to spoil it.
Mount Battern, Plymouth
Buckland Abbey
On the Sunday I was supposed to meet Daphne in the Swallow pub so I did
something not very ladylike and went to the pub on my own. As I had only
seen a picture of Daphne as Daphne I wasn't sure what she looked like as a
male and she had never seen me either. I went up to someone at the bar who
appeared to have similar features and asked if he knew Daphne in the hope
this was actually she. He didn't know her so I decided to have a drink and
wait for awhile. I was told by this guy at the bar that I had nice lips and
eyes, I obviously enjoyed this flattery but as the comments became more
suggestive I decided to leave.
I was in my car ready to drive away when the
guy came up to me and asked if I was going in the pub that evening, to
which I replied, probably. He told me he hoped so as he wanted to see me
again. With that I drove off towards Kingsbridge, a pretty South Hams town
which I knew well from my camping days. It was very busy there but I parked
the car and strolled alongside the estuary towards the high street. I was
enjoying myself, I felt good in my white box pleat skirt, white blouse and
navy blue waistcoat. Peacocks was open so I walked in and browsed through
the women's section feeling the material and putting skirts up against my
body. Is this really me? I kept asking myself. I walked up and down the
high street window shopping then it was time for a call of nature. Well I
couldn't go in the Mens toilets could I?
So I calmly walked into the
Ladies, one of my many firsts during that week. I walked along the estuary
for awhile and sat down on a bench to have a cigarette. No one had taken
any notice of me, I seemed to be blending in as any other female. I then
drove to Bigbury-on-Sea a popular seaside resort. As you would imagine on a
hot day there were lots of people there leaving and going to the beach.
Again I just mingled with the crowds and with the aid of my sunglasses
watched to see if anyone read me. No one did, in fact a child shouted out
something to his sister "Next to that lady" referring to me which sounded
rather nice. Feeling rather pleased with myself again I headed for home
where I got a phone call from Daphne suggesting I came around to her house
after I had had a bite to eat. From there we went to The Swallow Public
house and had an enjoyable evening. I received some lovely comments from
various people in the pub.
There was a good looking South African lad who
came over to join us at our table, it was fairly obvious Daphne and a few
others fancied him but he appeared to like me. Perhaps I might regret it in
later years but at the moment I don't feel attracted to males. I received a
lot of kisses that night from the male clientele and although it isn't
something I usually like my attitude was When in Rome do as the Romans do
so I just joined in, besides I didn't want to appear rude as I had been
made to feel so welcome. I must admit I did enjoy the attention though. I
took Daphne home and had a quick coffee with her but I was tired due to the
heat and all the excitement and went home shortly after.
On the Monday I drove to Tavistock on my own and drew some money out of the
bank, then walked up and down the high street window shopping again. I
wanted to go in Somerfields supermarket to buy some milk and bread but I
just couldn't build up the courage. In the evening I didn't have any
company so I decided to go to The Swallow on my own. Peter and Colin the
two landlords made me feel very welcome again and at ease and I happily sat
at the bar chatting with them. Everyone called me Cheryl which was nice and
again I received a lot of compliments about my outfit.
My first shopping receipt as Cheryl
On Tuesday I told myself to be more bold so I discussed with Juliette my
challenge for the day. I had a Cheryl credit card which as yet hadn't been
used, so my challenge was to go into Sainsbury's supermarket and use that
card. Juliette had a TV client coming that day for a make up session so
after saying hello to Jeanette I went off on my shopping trip. At that
stage I was feeling fairly confident about my ability to pass but I was
still worried about my voice. I had been practising with Juliette, too
high, too low, that's it, now you've lost it again. Juliette told me if I
was unsure just say thank you in a soft voice but you never really know
what you are going to be asked. Anyway I pushed my trolley around the
aisles picking out bits and pieces. I bought myself some tights and new
make up, that felt really good, I was a woman buying feminine things for
myself. Then it was time to go to the checkout to pay with my credit card.
I looked at all the assistants on the tills and decided to leave the more
stern looking ones alone. I picked out a young, friendly, attractive girl
to serve me. I felt nervous as I waited my turn in the queue, took my bits
out onto the conveyor belt.
The woman in front of me was a bit slow but I
stayed calm. Then it was my turn, "Do you collect the Sainsbury's points
madam?" or whatever she said to me. She was a lovely girl, full of smiles
and happy, I just said "No thank you" in a soft voice and she smiled
sweetly at me as she continued to price my goods up. I packed my things
away in the bags until I was told the sum I owed. I got my credit card out
and gave it the girl, I was feeling a little worried now and I nearly
signed the receipt with my male name but just in time I remembered and
signed it Cheryl ????? The girl looked up, smiled again and I said thank
you again as she handed my card back to me. I'd heard that women have a
different way of communicating with each other and I experienced that with
this girl.
I felt I wanted to hug the girl for being so pleasant. I drove
back to the house and was greeted by Juliette, "I did it" I said and
Juliette gave me a big hug and said well done. I then saw Juliette's
handiwork on Jeanette. Jeanette had been transformed completely and it was
obvious she was feeling rather nice to say the least. I found it amusing as
she kept looking at herself in the mirror. I stayed and chatted with her
for awhile, she told me she thought I had tremendous courage going out in
public, I replied that she too would one day which she categorically
denied. Funny I seem to remember myself saying that.
So to my next task, I had heard the Radio One Road Show was at Plymouth Hoe
so there was bound to be a big crowd there, so guess where I was off to.
Again I mingled with the crowd stopping occasionally to watch whatever was
going on. I sat on a bench overlooking the harbour and had a cigarette but
as every woman knows the shops were calling for me so off I went to
Plymouth shopping centre. I browsed around the women's section of BHS
getting glimpses off myself in the mirrors attached to the pillars. I was
actually considering trying something on. Had I seen something I liked I
may well have done. Then off to Boots Chemists to buy some more make up.
There I was standing there with other women selecting a new lipstick for
myself, trying out the colours on the back of my hand before deciding on
the one to buy. I picked out a new eye shadow and got some cotton buds as
well, then it was off to the till again to use my credit card again. No
problems at all, I was loving every minute of being a woman in a woman's
world. That evening I was off to The Swallow again beaming with this new
found confidence. A nice guy called John joined me and we chatted away
until closing time.
On Wednesday Juliette set me another challenge, my reading glasses were
unisex and she thought I would look better with more feminine ones. She had
spotted the ones you can buy off the shelf in Superdrug so I was sent to
try on a pair and buy them as well as another couple of bits of make up
Juliette thought I should use. Whilst I was standing there trying to find
the eye liner Juliette had recommended someone tapped me on the arm, a hot
sweat came over me, I looked around. It was Juliette, she placed a lip
liner in my basket and whispered that's the colour I should use. I tried on
a pair of glasses and Juliette nodded her approval then left. Unbeknown to
me while I continued looking around the store and then pay for my goods,
she was sitting outside watching to see how I was getting on. I didn't find
this out until I got home but evidently I wasn't read at all, I then drove
off to Sainsbury's again to buy another one of their curry's which I had
found delicious the previous night. I was to meet Nina, the owner of the
house, that night. I took to her straight away, I found her very pleasant
and fun to be with. Then John (Helen) came around with some pictures taken
the previous Saturday, at first I didn't recognise him at all. It is
incredible what make up can do. Nina joined me to The Swallow and we had
good evening together. Did I say together? Nina was getting chatted up all
night but I had plenty to talk to.
At Trago Mills
It was now the day I had been dreading, my final day as Cheryl (for the
time being) and I was going to make sure it would be VERY special. I had
decided to treat myself to a new wig. The man who brought round some
samples seemed uneasy to be in the presence of a TG but I wasn't bothered
by this. Not many people do understand why someone born a boy should want
to live as a female, to be honest I don't understand myself but as all TG's
know its there locked inside our brains this longing for the feminine side
of life. Anyway Juliette tried various styles on me and with Nina's
assistance we all agreed on a particular wig which I would wear that
evening. I still hadn't used my voice to any degree and I was determined to
try it out that day. My task was set as usual, I was to go across to
Cornwall on the Torpoint ferry and visit a large shopping premises called
Trago Mills and buy something. Nina kindly agreed to come with me as Jack.
Jack was to be my first male escort and I was excited by this prospect. I
sat in my car on the ferry holding my purse ready to ask the fare but it
turned out you only have to pay on the return crossing and it was our
intention to return via Tamar bridge and although I still had to pay it
just didn't seem the same somehow.
On the way to Trago Mills I talked to
Jack using my new found female voice. A voice which after all the
practising wasn't that difficult to use. Its basically my own voice but
spoken from a different part of the throat. At the Mills we headed straight
for the women's clothing section, of course, and I walked around looking at
the various bits chatting away to Jack quite normally without anyone
appearing to take any notice. I couldn't find anything to buy so I looked
at the ladies watches instead. I picked out a nice gold one which was only
4.50 but it did look the part. As it was in a revolving case my nerves did
get the better of me so I asked Jack to get the assistant to show it to me.
Jack did this task for me but then walked away leaving me to complete the
transaction. "Yes, that will do very nicely" I said and paid the girl for
my new watch without any problems. I was really into it now so off we went
to the kiosk and I bought a cup of tea and a coffee again without any
problems.
As every woman knows when nature calls she has to do her business
so into the ladies I went. With that it was home time but I wanted to do
one more thing, the thing I admired Helen for earlier in the week. I didn't
need fuel but I was going to buy some all the same with my female credit
card. I filled up close to Plymouth, as I walked towards the cash desk the
lady attendant smiled and said "hello" I replied the same to her and told
her which pump number. I opened my purse and got my credit card out. "Would
you like a receipt?" she said. "Yes please" I said then took my time
putting my credit card back in the purse and into my handbag, as women do.
We said bye and thank you to each other and I went back to my car. Jack was
watching the events carefully and he said she didn't notice at all, he
quite rightly observed that had she noticed she would be looking out of the
window at me. So again I was feeling very chuffed with myself.
That evening it was off to The Swallow again, I had saved one of my
favourite outfits for the last evening and together with my new wig I felt
rather good to say the least even though I knew my dream was beginning to
come to an end. We had the usual nice time at the pub then at closing time
Nina suggested we went to a night club, I didn't need asking twice, I
didn't want my female life to end so off we went to Zeno's night club. On
our arrival I had another unexpected lesson of life as a woman, I laddered
my tights and I didn't have a spare pair with me. I was certainly feeling
like a woman now, a slightly embarrassed woman conscience of this gapping
hole in the back of my legs. In future I'll make sure to carry a spare pair
with me. It was dark in Zeno's so it wasn't too much of a problem. Nina was
her normal flirting self and sat down chatting with a man, I was okey
though, John had come with us and although he had his eyes on another whom
he later went home with he politely chatted with me. I even did something
which I NEVER do in my undesired role, I danced and I even enjoyed that. I
was happy, I was content, I was a girl.
Ready for my final evening out
With John
With Colin & Peter
With Nina
I finally went to bed at 3.30am dreading the journey home hating the fact
that I had to revert back to the role I despise. I left Sophie's at 1pm
after packing all my lovely clothes back into their suitcases together with
the new clothes and make up I had purchased as Cheryl.
There was so much I wanted to say to Juliette, this warm, kind, lovely girl
had given the female in me an outing, a taste of what I hope will be my
future feminine life. I think Juliette realised how I felt, sad, very sad
to be leaving my dream world, I didn't want to cry in front of her, so I
just said bye and thanks for everything. I got as far as Exeter then with
Celine Dion singing in the background my eyes started to fill and for the
rest of my journey home I struggled to see through the tears in my eyes.
Its been quite a year for me or should I say third of a year, after all
these years trying to hold back the girl inside me because I never believed
the boy outside me could ever really look like the REAL me. It took me
almost a year to pluck up the courage to go to Crystals, Chris gave me the
confidence I never expected. ME go out in public wearing a skirt? Not in a
million years but thanks to Chris I did just that and now thanks to
Juliette I have lived as a female for one of the best weeks of my life.
"I passed the test now I have to learn to drive".
A big thank you and a large hug to the following for being such wonderful
people:
TGForum
Chris, Crystals, Chatham Kent 01634-280525/0589-480440
Juliette, Sophies
Nina, Sophies
Helen, Beaumont Society
Jill, Beaumont Society
Erica Poole, Electrolysis Cobham, Surrey 01932-867502
Peter & Colin, The Swallow Public House, 59 Breton Side, Plymouth
John, c/o The Swallow Public House
Emily Alford, for giving her professional touch to the above.
http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/3621/
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