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One to One

With Cindy Martin
Transgender Forum Publisher

© 1997 Transgender Forum
Got a news tip? Seen a story with a TG angle to it?
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Email Cindy and she'll spread the news!

November 24, 1997

I
get no pleasure from a column like this.

The International Foundation for Gender Education is serious trouble with it's finances, again, and you have to wonder if this organization will ever truly right itself. Given IFGE's history, I'm less than optimistic.

Deeply in debt and short on money, the organization turned to the Winslow Street fund, a pool of cash that was never to be used for operating expenses for a bailout loan as Judy Osborne explained in her exclusive story in the Nov. 17, 1997 edition of Transgender Forum. I know that the current leadership saw no choice but to dip into the fund. It was either get a $15,000 loan from this fund or basically go out of business.

But while this quick fix may keep things going for a while, it doesn't address the core problem: IFGE is an organization without a mission.

As Osborne explained, IFGE basically does three things: hold an annual convention, run a bookstore and publish Transgender magazine. When it isn't broke that is. It is NOT as some people think, a political organization. It isn't an advocacy group. It isn't a super support group. It isn't an umbrella organization for community groups. What is it? Search me.

I once spent two hours in a telephone interview with former executive director Merissa Sherill Lynn discussing the history and role of IFGE. Basically, Lynn believed that IFGE's role was one of "synergist" to the community. The main purpose, apparently, was bringing people together. Once we found each other a community could then get about the business of doing what needed being done. In other words, it was a good idea to hold a convention. Given the times, the late 1980s, Lynn was right.

But things changed very quickly. By the early 1990s conventions were being held all over the country. While the IFGE convention was still important, it wasn't the necessity it once was and it was pretty clear to anyone paying attention that IFGE really didn't have much of a goal beyond putting on the annual event and getting the magazine out.

Four years ago, the IFGE board came to San Francisco for one of their meetings. I was president of ETVC at the time and was troubled by what seemed to be a lack of focus and direction by something I thought was our national organization.

I suggested to the board that IFGE become a real voice of the transgender community by becoming an anti-defamation organization and eventually, a true civil rights group. It was, and remains, a natural role for a nonprofit organization with national reach. ETVC was trying to do anti-defamation work on our own at that time, bombing movie companies and television networks with letters when the situation called for it. But this was not a job for a local support group. We didn't have the necessary network of contacts to do this kind of job. The need, however, was obvious. It was the kind of thing I knew, then and now, that the community would support with their time AND their money.

There was no interest.

About a year later, during a rancorous board meeting I attended in Philadelphia, I was flabbergasted to learn that our purported national leadership, specifically Lynn and other top paid staffers, were spending enormous amounts of time doing telephone "counselling".

I promise you that this kind of work will fill the day very, very quickly. Now I understood why IFGE never seemed to get anything done. Even more astonishing is that the amateur phone counselling continues to be a big part of the daily chores at the Waltham, Mass. HQ. As Judy Osborne explained in her story: "If you ask what other services IFGE offers, representatives inevitably begin describing the hundreds of telephone calls they receive and the referrals they give. Valuable, yes, but hundreds of "hot-lines" all over the country perform a similar but much larger service in the aggregate using volunteer help."

Allison Laing, who just stepped down as IFGE executive director was a vast improvement over Lynn. To her credit, Laing has tried these last two years to make IFGE something of a political voice for the community. But the basic weakness in the organization has still not been addressed: Why does IFGE exist?

Every organization, every company, after volunteer group has its' own myths and culture. It is very hard to change these, as any one who has been through a corporate "restructuring" or "change project" can attest. You either have an organizational culture that encourages new ideas and recognizes when the wheels are spinning in mud or you don't.

I fear that it may be too late for IFGE, that the time for changing its' culture was four or five years ago. On the other hand, many of the community's needs are still going unmet. We still do need a consistent, respectable, and media-savvy voice for this community. We still need a moderate, but strong civil rights advocacy group.

If IFGE cannot change itself and do these things, if it continues to act like just another event organizer and publisher, then maybe it doesn't deserve to exist.

B
arbie is getting a makeover, or is it body surgery? The world's most famous doll is going to have a thicker waist, smaller breasts and more realistic hips. Her hair is also supposed to be colored more naturally and her feet will be flat. Mattel, the maker of the 11 1/2" doll, says that it's doing this because kids want a "cooler," more natural, Barbie. Interestingly, the company is NOT killing off the doll they've been using since the last major makeover in the early 1980s. Smart move.

My wife, who is what I would call a practical feminist, thinks the new doll will fail. Why? It's isn't the new body. The kids won't care about that. It isn't the hair. Of all things, she thinks it's the flat feet that will ultimately sink the doll. Flat feet doom the new Barbie to casual wear. Without the "glamma", as our own Angela Gardner calls it, Barbie loses a lot of appeal. When you think about it, she might be right. Though flats are increasingly popular they are also androgynous. High heels are a quintessentially feminine thing. And every mommy has at least one pair in her closet. What little girl, even today, has not slipped into mommy's heels? Anyway, my lady is a lot smarter than me, so I have to agree with her here.

Mattel says the new doll was not made in response to the long-time complaints by some feminists about Barbie's unrealistic body. As one exec put it, those women aren't the market for the doll which, despite their complaints, has remained incredibly popular. I find it hard to imagine that this move wasn't at least partly influenced by the complaints, though I do expect they weren't the main reason for the change.

By the way, you may have seen that designer Bob Mackie now is doing some Barbie clothes. I've seen them, you can too, by going to www.barbie.com. Talk about your Queen of the Ball drag outfits! They are really quite hilarious.

I wonder what Bob charges for the human-size versions?

W
e'll be watching the Margaret O'Hartigan case very closely. If a TS can sucessfully sue to get an employer to provide medical insurance for the purpose of treating her disability - a lack of female hormones - there could be a lot of interesting ramifications.

O'Hartigan has the state of Oregon on her side in this matter and if she wins it will be fascinating to see what kind of penalty her former employer has to pay and which insurance companies will actually provide coverage (read payment) for her hormones. You can bet on this: her former employer will argue that O'Hartigan created her own problems by having sex reassignment surgery.

As I said, the outcome is going to be very interesting and could have massive ramifications for our community. We'll keep you posted.


October 27, 1997

I
t's still news when a government executive announces she is going to have a sex change, even in San Francisco.

Last Friday, one of the big stories of the day was that Marc Chapdelaine, president of the San Mateo County Convention and Visitors Bureau, wanted to be called Marcia and was going to have SRS.

San Mateo County is just south of San Francisco and tourism is a major industry there. Chapdelaine is, at least symbolically, the "face" that San Mateo County puts to the world. There is a lot of money involved in the job and image is extremely important. That's why this was a pretty big story. That the board that appointed Chapdelaine acted the way it did, essentially supporting Marcia all the way, sends out a loud message: being transgender is not "weird" and has nothing to do with whether or not you can do a job well.

To their credit, the local media handled the story smoothly and fairly. I actually got the sense that if Chapdelaine's bosses had not been so sophisticated the local press would have skinned them.

Now don't misunderstand all this happy talk. I am not saying that we are now totally accepted and all our fears are groundless. There are lots of people out there who despise us and everything that we are. In most places there is still nothing to stop employers from firing us because we have to have a sex change or because they find out we wear dresses after work.

But I can tell you this: the media is swinging to our side. Most of the media seems to know that our enemies tend to be bigots and dum-dums. On the other hand, we're kind of a "model minority." They put us generally in the same boat as gays and lesbians and the press ain't going to mess with them, plus we aren't known for demanding expensive government programs and we have a growing reputation as a group with a lot of extremely bright and successful people. And, we're interesting.

We won't be interesting forever. The day will come when announcements like Ms. Chapdelaine's are off the front page and in the "briefs" section of the business page.

I think I can live with that.

T
ruth time: Halloween scares me.

I never know what I want to be. I'll dream up this great concept, and it bombs. You know what a bad costume is? One you have to explain. All night.

"So you're a harem girl, Cindy?"

"Uh, no. I'm Salome. See the bloody head on the tray I've been carrying around all night? That's John the Baptist."

"Oh... Who's John the Baptist?"

That costume took two days to create. No one got it.

A good costume has to be obvious, instantly recognizable and, if you've really got a good one, dirt cheap. I've had one costume like this. It consisted of a great big white towel, a short blonde wig slicked back to look wet, half a rubber knife and some fake blood. The towel, was worn like a short dress. The knife was taped through a hole in the towel, fake blood around the whole. On the vertical edge of the towel, in big bold letters were two words: Bates Motel. People kept asking me where Anthony Perkins was.

Transgenders who are out have a little bit of a costume disadvantage on those Halloweens when the ideas and time to get ready are short. Just "going as a girl" to the big party only really works if you're still hiding in the closet. Not that I disparage anyone the chance to use this magical time to test the public waters. This was the time when many of us, including me, first went public.

The memories of that first night I went out are still fresh, but what I have always remembered most was the "boy-girl" star of the evening. That honor went to a muy macho friend who got dolled up in the classic "blonde hooker" look, using a wig and mini-skirt I supplied him. He didn't shave his mustache for the show, but it hardly mattered with his great legs and wonderful sense of humor. Interestingly, my friend wore the same outfit - black tanktop, mini and heels - to another party the next night. I never asked him why he wanted to do it again and he never asked me how I happened to own a blonde woman's wig and a mini.

The years rolled by and I moved our family from the East Coast to Ohio and then California. Though it all I've stayed in touch with my old pal, became godfather to his oldest daughter, and occasionally give him a call. We also visit from time to time, and about three months ago, a wedding gave my spouse and me an excuse to go back to Pennsylvania and look up our old friend and his family. We were watching some game on TV, reminiscing and gossiping while the women were upstairs in the kitchen yakking and getting slowly sloshed on good wine. Then he asked me if I remembered that Halloween when he "did drag."

Not once in the many years since that weekend had he ever brought it up and, a bit surprised and secretly pleased, I said "Of course I remember, I still have some pictures."

He said he'd found some pictures himself recently and looking at them had brought back a lot of fun memories. Naturally, I asked him if I could see them. He disappeared for a few minutes and brought back a handful of photos.

I was struck by how many there were. They were definitely all from the same weekend, but I noticed that several were taken during the day, probably the Saturday between the two nights. "You know, you really would have looked terrific if you had shaved your mustache off," I told him.

"I couldn't do that just for a costume," he said. "But you want to see how it looks without it?"

I said I would, figuring that this was going to be some kind of coming out thing for him. He then went away and brought back two more pictures, both of which had obviously, carefully, been retouched to hide his mustache. He did look good, despite the amateurish retouch job. I told him so, leaving him the opening I thought he wanted.

"That was one of the most fun times I ever had," he said. "Never did it again. What about you? You really looked like a woman that night too.'' he said. Whoops. I wasn't expecting this. I told him I was surprised he remembered. Then he told me he couldn't stop thinking about it for years. He said he was kind of ashamed to say anything because he thought I would take it the wrong way. I told him that was a very big weekend for me too because it was my first time out in public as a woman. I won't go into the coming out story I told him, it's not all that interesting. The bottom line was that he was not terribly surprised.

After telling him my story, I asked him to explain how he felt about that night.

"Part of it was being desirable and part of it was being something completely different than normal," he said. "It was really exciting. Is that how it is with you?" No, I told him it wasn't like that now. It was in the beginning, but not now.

He looked a little disappointed.

"I think most transgenders go through a phase like you experienced that night,'' I said. "It can be a little like putting on a costume and getting into the spotlight. And it's sexy. Some people stay in that place, and that's okay. It's a little different for me. Putting on a dress took me inside myself and I know that I'm as much female as male. I like that.

"The way I am now, I would never have to put on a dress again and I'd always know I'm transgender. It's just how it is," I said.

He sort of nodded and shrugged his shoulders. "So do you still have that blonde wig?"

I laughed and said I did, it's kind of ratty but I've used it for costumes since then. And I told him that I always think of him when I pull it out of the costume box.

He gave me a big smile and said "I really looked like a whore that night, didn't I?"

"Yep," I said. "You sure as hell did!"

I just got a note back from my old pal the other day. It was a thank you note. He said I was right, that blonde wig was really ratty, but he was flattened when he opened the box from California and saw it there.

"Thanks, " he wrote. "But you forgot to send the mini-skirt..."




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