Things are going great for me personally. Well, except for finances and my
relationship with my spouse, that is. But more on those in a little while.
Rather than keeping a daily/weekly diary I am taking notes and composing
the whole thing at the end of the month. I find that I get a better
understanding of exactly what is happening around me. Plus it appeals
to the "finish it at the last-minute" part of my personality, and I
don't have to explain to everyone how much I have been working recently.
I have continued my belly dancing lessons. In fact, I start the group lessons next week. This change from private lessons is mostly due to the fact that I will be paying $8 per lesson for group rather than $50 per lesson for private. I am very excited about the idea of doing group lessons though, because I will get to feel like "one of the girls" in a large group. Plus--and more importantly--two ladies I have never met in person take lessons too. I got to know both of them over the 'net through the MED-DANCE mailing list. They are both in the advanced class (I will be in the beginner class) but I will get to see them. We have planned an after-class dinner at a nearby Indian restaurant. The three of us are all incredibly broke (and "Cheap Indian Food" is most definitely an oxymoron) but we thought that when we met we should celebrate because it would be a special event.
Aaaaand, next weekend is Rakassah, one of the largest Middle-Eastern dance events in the world. It is in Richmond, CA and the three of us are going to go hang out together. Rakassah has classes, vendors and CONSTANT performances. Our teacher is performing on Sunday so we will definitely be there to cheer her on!
Warning: Geek Talk Ahead! Warning
Work is going very well, and I am winding up the project that kept me busy for pretty much the whole month of February. I have to geek out for a minute and talk about it. I designed a database, running on Microsoft SQL Server, that acts as an event calendar, people locator, skills inventory and event registration tool. It's amazing because they are actually paying ME to develop Web tools. Tres cool. My team leader is demoing this database next Monday, so I am rushing around trying to make it look pretty and, well, make sure it works I guess.
Sooooooo, if you have emailed me in the last month and I have not responded, now you know why. I have been going crazy trying to get this Web site and database interface built and working correctly.
My next project is not really web-related. We are helping our customer "productionize" (which is business lingo for "replace perfectly functional Linux servers with commercial Sun boxes because the UNIX admin team is too intimidated to learn kernel hacking") their network. I am doing an analysis of their current situation, and will be proposing a set of goals and specifying the resources necessary to meet those goals. It will be the first large project I have ever managed. What gets me is that these people actually listen to my opinions! I have really never had a job where people treated me like I knew what I was talking about. I love my job.
And I have to make a good impression. In a few months I am going to tell them that their wonderboy is going to be their wondergirl. :) :)
Back to Earth Talk Again Earlier in the month my team leader had his housewarming party. He is a gay man and the attendance was: 6 women (well, counting me, 7), one straight guy who did not know my team leader was gay (he stayed, left, and then came back with a woman on his arm... :) ) and about a zillion gay guys. I volunteered to cook quesadillas for the party so I spent most of my time in the kitchen hanging out with the gals. We had a grand old time, and I felt like I was included even though I was dressed as a guy.
The party was a riot. No group of people knows how to have as much fun as a group of gay men. They all treated me like a lady too (holding doors for me, calling me "ma'am" and "she") so I guess that it was pretty easy to figure out what my story was. And of course I ate it up!
Kyrie, my doggie, was the big hit of the party. Everybody wanted to hold her and play with her. She's a Yorkie so she loved every minute of it. Eventually she got kinda freaked out over all of the noise and commotion. She asked to leave, so I packed up and we went home.
Do NOT Call Police, All is Well, Prop 215 in Action Next topic: electrolysis is going well. I am still doing six hours a week (!) but am getting ready to cut back for financial reasons. That is frustrating to me because I so desperately want to be rid of this facial hair.
I have something fairly controversial to talk about. As some of you may or know I have very sensitive skin, and electrolysis is very painful for me. I am dealing with it by using Emla, a numbing cream, taking three Vicodin about a half-hour before my session, and... smoking marijuana. Now, I favor the legalization of most drugs, but I thought the recent California initiative to decriminalize pot for medicinal reasons was mostly hokey. I mean, I supported it because I think it is a good first step to fixing the huge drug problem we have, but I never really read the research and figured most people voted for it because they think like I do: marijuana just is not a big deal.
But I was wrong. Electrolysis was so awful for me that I would try ANYTHING to make it more bearable. I thought, "okay, maybe I should get stoned first." So I did, and it worked. Just to make sure it wasn't something else I tried lots of combinations:
Over the space of a month, with three sessions a week, I tried all of these combinations several times. The only one that ever worked for me was using all three together. At first I was very skeptical about even trying it, because one of the pleasant effects of marijuana is that it makes everything more intense. Soooo, I figured it would make the pain more intense. But in my opinion the MAIN effect of marijuana is to "enhance inertia"--which means that it is hard to get started doing something, but once you get started it's hard to stop because it's so much fun. That is how I use it: the pain is really intense for about the first minute or so, but once I distract myself--by talking to my electrologist, by listening to music, by thinking about work--it is easy to stay distracted, and therefore MUCH easier to withstand two hours of electrolysis.
Okay, enough of this controversial topic. These are just my opinions, and I will be happy to answer any questions you might have about using marijuana to make electrolysis more bearable, and I *love* arguing about the politics of drug legalization, so feel free to email me.
Bad point: my wife came out to visit. We spent most of her week here crying. Eventually she told me that it was an either-or situation: either I stay a guy or we split up. We are working to find some kind of compromise right now but honestly I don't think either of us will be happy with a compromise.
And another bad thing: I am so much in debt it is frightening. We owe for a truck we bought before I moved to California, all of the incidental moving expenses for which my company didn't reimburse me (refrigerator, washer/dryer, bed, rugs, curtains, etc.), and a few other things. The total comes to about $40K. If I decide to go through with my transition (and I don't see any way that I would not) I feel obligated to pay that off first. That will probably be AT LEAST a year before anything happens. Sigh. Well, at least I will have this year to "practice" my new role.
Plus, I have to continue making the mortgage payment in North Carolina. I talked my wife into buying this place (a farm) in August, and then I moved out here. So to be a decent person I will still pay that. I mean, my name will stay on the property and everything, but that is $1325 a month that is just GONE. I could sure use that money.
I still don't know what will happen with our relationship. We really love each other and want it to work, but we both have our doubts. It is very unfair that the two of us, who have had the best relationship in the history of humanity, have stumbled upon a difference so great that we cannot overcome it. I am hoping for the best but planning for the worst.
Finally, I am trying to win the Super Lotto out here. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can do that, please let me know. I have bought two tickets since I have been out here and believe it or not neither one of them was a winner! I just don't know what I am doing wrong!
Well, things are pretty rough right now, but I am staying busy, so it is not bothering me as much as it would if I obsessed about it. I am basically a happy person who sees the positive side of things (the technical term for my personality type is "lotus-eater" :) ) I have lots of great friends to talk to--when I have time to talk--and I always have my little dog. Everything will work out fine!
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