
By Julie Freeman
Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine
years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie is a regular colunnist for
the DVG newsletter and has also contributed to the ETVC newsletter, Tapestry and the Femme
Mirror. Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995. Her e-mail address is julie39@ibm.net. She
may also be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or by snail mail to DVG, PO Box
272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885
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An Observation
Have you ever noticed that when women get together they like to chat and talk about their
problems, but do not really expect solutions? Many times they just like the camaraderie of being
with other women who have similar problems, complaints, anxieties, whatever. They just want to
verbalize their feelings and have others agree, commiserate, sympathesize, whatever. They want
validation of their feelings, not "I told you so" or "Well, I would do it THIS way."
Men on the other hand think solutions are not only needed but required. When faced with a
problem they search for a solution and verbalize. When men talk to others, this kind of
problem-solving and resolution to complaints is expected and accepted sometimes with good humor,
sometimes not, but expected nevertheless.
That is why so many times wives telling their husbands about their days and really only wanting a
sympathetic ear and perhaps some understanding are disappointed when instead they are presented
with ways to solve their problems and thus get on to other things, such as making dinner.
Since this kind of male/female behavior is pretty much understood by both sexes, it becomes
interesting to watch crossdressers and discover how they interact with each other in regards to
this behavior.
There are some crossdressers who are very "female" in their approach to problem-solving. These
crossdressers more than others spend much of their time talking with genetic women and enjoy
being around them. When these crossdressers talk with other crossdressers, they are looking for
the sympathetic ear, the understanding friend, the listener as do women! They do not want to be
presented with a solution which is NOT expected nor desired.
Then there are those crossdressers who enjoy spending most of their time around other
crossdressers and who are still very "male" in their approach to conversation; they are the
problem solvers. When these crossdressers talk with each other, they expect solutions and
results.
Since not all males seem to be aware of the "female" approach to conversation, crossdressers who
think solutions are expected are puzzled and bewildered by those crossdressers who are not happy
with their problem-solving and also have a hard time understanding those who repeat their
anxieties and concerns over and over much like women whom they do expect such behavior from.
Just another observation on the fascinating complexity of female/male behavior.
(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)
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