Pass the mascara and don't spare the electrons, the Diva is on the Web. That's how I've been filling my time recently. Net surfing. Since... first I had a cold and didn't feel like doing anything for a week (well, I did wear a flannel nightie as I fought the fever), and now I'm in one of those slow cash flow periods. I'm poor! I swear I will never go hungry again. But, I must be a good Diva and not abuse my credit cards. There was the Jones New York suit but that was only $25 , and a bargain shopping Diva would be banned from the mall if she let that one go by. I actually had to go back to buy it. I must be slipping. So, if it's a super bargain... it's not credit card abuse. Abusing other things is OK, however, so let the abuse begin.
I decided to do a web search on "drag." Well girlfriends, can we talk? I got several results and started to eagerly explore the fabulous world of drag. First I went to the Genny Random homepage. She's is touted as an Italian drag queen and the site is in Italian or English. Are those multiple eyes I see gazing at me as the page loads? Oh, my! They're not eyes at all. But... the site's not that interesting. There are lots of bells and whistles, like animated pictures and MIDI sound, but the pictures of Ms. Random are not that good, quality wise. She looks like a lovely girl but ya gotta scan those things at a higher resolution sweetie. You look, you decide. I gave up, cause things took too long to load. If there's one thing I like it's instant gratification.
Next I visited the site of, ooooohhhh, a professional female impersonator. Randy Roberts homepage is a pretty good site. He makes a fabulous Cher, but it's designed with so much colored text that it's hard to figure out what's a link and what isn't. If you like to go to impersonator shows, Randy has his tour schedule posted. He also has the obligatory picture out of drag. Pro F.I.s do that so you'll know it's all just for show biz. Like it? Why would we like it? You'll never catch The Diva doing anything silly like that. No drab, more glamma!
Next I came across a site by a young lady who proclaimed that she wants to be the diva of the Internet. How sweet. Next site please.
The really intriguing site would not let me in. The listing of Imperial Drag Queens of Kentucky would not load. (I never got it to load. Here's the URL, you try. http://convex.uky.edu/~marc/kydrag/drag.html It seems their server thought it was too good for The Diva. I poked around some more and found another Kentucky Queens site. It wouldn't load either. Both sites are on a server at the University of Kentucky. Maybe the University just found out and that's why they won't load. I hope you have better luck viewing the ladies of Kentucky than I did. I hope they look more like Daisy Mae than Mammy Yokum. (Younger readers scratch heads and say, huh?)
My final foray into the world of cyber glam lead me to The House of Clairice. You'll notice there's no link to that one. While the text goes on about drag, and lists of their membership contain nothing but femme names (one I liked-Rachel Slur), all they had were pictures of muscular guys with their shirts off. OK, I see where that might float your boat. I'd rather see pictures of handsome guys with their wallets open, but that's just the kind of girl I am. Anyway, I just couldn't get a handle on these "girls" but I'm all for it if it makes them happy. It can't be that bad, as Sheryl Crow would say. (Older readers scratch their wigs and say, huh?)
Dateline Singapore-where you can get caned for crime. Remember that kid who got four or five good whacks for vandalism? Well, it just goes to show that the country is fairly uptight. Who is the person in that country without a sense of humor, the person who dares to make fun of the powers that be? A drag queen who works in the Boom Boom Room. That's who. Peter from the U.K. faxed (oh boy, transatlantic fax) me the story of drag artiste Kumar. Kumar says, " My jokes are really about Singaporean life, how frustrated we are, how starved we are of humor and about all the things no one dares say."
Kumar uses his drag to allow him to make fun of things that a comedian in male attire would never get away with. Well, I think it works that way most places. I mean where would I be as a social satirist with out my dress and pumps? Stop, it's a rhetorical question.
Interestingly enough Kumar had to audition for his job as Singaporean fun poker. Not for the Boom Boom Room, for the police. In order to ascertain that his act was clean enough to be presented in public Kumar was ordered to perform for a room full of stony faced police. He thought that he was heading for a firing squad when no one laughed at his A material. Finally one female officer broke up over a particularly tasty one liner and Kumar knew he had them. He found out later that they were under orders not to laugh. I wonder if the female officer got caned? Or canned?
Kumar thinks that perhaps the country is loosening up a bit. Thanks to the efforts of drag queens everywhere, I think that can be said about many place that were thought of as backward and repressed. I know I've tried to do my bit. Keep up the good work Kumar.
Who has the best legs? Me of course, but unfortunately none of the 1000 people surveyed by Hanes hosiery knew that. I guess I'll have to make more house calls. No, they picked Tina Turner and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Female runners-up were Jamie Lee Curtis and Cindy Crawford and 1996's No. 1. second guy was man-in-kilt Mel Gibson. John F. Kennedy Jr. and Tom Cruise tied for third.
Mel would have got number one if he'd have just shaved those gams. Of course, anyone's legs look better when shaved and properly clothed in sheer stockings. I think that would be a better test. Shave everyone's legs, put them in stockings and pumps and just show the legs to the judges. Maybe Van Damme's would have been the number one pair. Hey, it's just an idea. Twisted, but an idea.
So there I was, watching Letterman on the 30th of January and Dave ran a little skit that was a take off on Howard Stern's movie Private Parts. Rupert Gee, the intrepid deli man, stood in for Howard and at one point dressed in a gold lamé gown to appear on a fake Late Night with someone portraying Dave. As parodies go it was pretty amusing and Rupert didn't look bad in drag, which is always a plus.
It was some kind of drag week, cause just the night before hard assed New Orleans judge Larry Hagman appeared in drag on his new show Orleans. The judge and his friends were all in drag for a party on a boat. Somebody gets kidnapped and wigs get knocked askew. I haven't seen much about that show since, so maybe the sight of Hagman in a frock was too much for his network. If it's still on, keep you eyes open for a rerun.
Funnyman Jim Carrey did a photo layout of outrageous characters for Premier magazine. Among the strange assortment of wackies and nut buckets Jim presented one glimpse of his inner beauty by appearing as a drag queen. Of course he had to yuck it up with big, red plastic lips, but he was in drag and working it.
John Lequizamo's movie The Pest was finally released to theaters on February 7th. If I were you I'd drop everything and run out to see it. Because it's so great? No. If you have any hope of seeing it you'd better get there soon. This one has "one week wonder" written all over it. It was shot long ago and shelved. Now it's appeared without a great deal of hype. If you wait another week you'll have to wait for the video. Don't worry cause that's where it's headed.
Does he wear a dress in this one? I heard he does but by the time the editor's done, who can tell. It looks like a fun flick though and you'll recognize the villain from lots of other flicks. I probably won't get to the theater in time to catch it so let me know if Lequizamo does drag. Heck, I'm still trying to see the re-release of Star Wars. I have been told by reliable sources that Lucas put some drag queens in the bar scene. How you would tell with aliens like that is beyond me but I'm willing to try and pick them out.
Must go sweeties. Bargains for all and to all a good night.