Now I Know How You Feel

By Linda Kaye

As the partner of a transgendered man, perhaps the most difficult thing to understand is what the crossdresser feels when dressed en femme. I hear that question all the time from women in transgendered relationships, and I, too, have often asked that question.

Some years ago, I had a CD friend express joy at having the wind whip the skirts around her legs, and the feeling of air against stockings. It gave her that "Marilyn Monroe" feeling - you know, when she stood over an air vent and the air whipped her skirts up? Well, I tried to relate to what my friend was saying, but short of knowing how free the wind made me feel, I couldn't relate to the rest of her statement.

My partner, Vanessa, gets a feeling of deep satisfaction when wearing breast forms. It is a real sense of pleasure and completeness for her. I enjoy her breasts, but I have never had that feeling about my own. They are simply part of my body, neither big nor small, and not necessarily important to me. Likewise, Vanessa enjoys the feel of silky lingerie and the tightness of briefers. I enjoy wearing sexy lingerie but mainly for the look, rather than the feel. So, here again, I could not relate.

However, the other day, upon leaving the office, I dropped my keys as I was putting them in the car door. I had on a long skirted denim dress, and as I stooped (in a hopefully ladylike way) to pick them up, my skirt swirled out around me, onto the pavement. I experienced a sense of complete delight at this, feeling overwhelmingly feminine at that moment. As I drove home, I realized that I had experienced a sensation that my partner, Vanessa, must experience, as do all crossdressers.

I began thinking about this pleasurable feeling and remembering things similar to this that happened to me in the past. As a teenager, I loved to dress up in flowing robes with lots of scarves, and I would (in the privacy of my room) swirl around, fantasizing that I was a dancer and part of a harem. Childish fantasies but fun, and I did enjoy the feel of the flowing cloth around my legs, and the silky feeling of the scarves.

I also remembered how much I have always enjoyed wearing long skirts and dresses. My first thought was that they covered up my hefty legs, but on second thought, I admitted to myself that I enjoyed the femininity of the long skirts, that they made me feel soft and sexy and beautiful.

Ah, at last I had found the common ground with my partner, Vanessa. Just as I experience the pleasure of certain types of clothing, so, too, does Vanessa. She does not get these feelings when dressed in male clothing; nor do I. She experiences a sense of pleasure, a softness, a rightness when she is dressed in women's clothes; so do I. I detest androgynous clothing or wearing any type of male-like clothing. So does Vanessa.

Comfort often dictates to us what we wear; yet, comfort can be unfeminine at times. An old Tee Shirt is so comfortable, but when I am feeling particularly sexual, I want the feeling of silk and satin against my skin. When Vanessa wants to feel feminine and sexy, that's what she wears. Even when dressed as her male self, she wears something soft and feminine underneath, a reminder of the feelings which mean so much to her. Likewise, I always try to wear a sexy, rather than comfortable, bra and undies, simply because they make me feel feminine.

I think I've finally found that common ground with my partner and it is a realization that took me years to reach. I find that I prefer my partner as Vanessa, and this added realization of what she feels makes me feel even closer to her. It adds to the intimacy of our relationship, that inner communication we have. It makes things even better. Well, gotta go - Vanessa and I have some shopping to do!


Linda Kaye is married to Vanessa Kaye, who also writes for Transgender Forum. They have their own web site you may enjoy.

Linda and Vanessa have written a book together:
"Life With Vanessa"
Straight talk about integrating transgenderism into
a loving, caring and positive relationship.





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