Scary, exhilarating

Coming Out At Work

By Anne






From:
Sent: Friday, April 04, 1997 11:52 AM
To:
Cc:
Subject: Personal reorg - the facts behind the rumors

While possibly not the most unusual email you've ever received, I'm sure that this one will rate right up there for most of you.

I've just finished meetings with both my test team and all of the dev leads, pm and marketing people that I have regular contact with to brief them on what is going to be happening with me over the next 1 to 2 years. I'll use this mail to inform the rest of the team. Please, if you have any questions after reading this, contact either me or your lead.

I do want to thank J and MB in HR for everything they've done to make this as painless as possible. I truly believe that I couldn't have done this anywhere but (Very Large High Tech Company). The level of support I've gotten has been far above what I expected or hoped for.

Here goes:

Without going into too many details (for those that are interested in the details, I'd be happy to provide general information or specific to myself information), I have what is known as Gender Identity Disorder. Basically, this means that my physical gender doesn't match my psychological gender. In my case, it means that I have decided that I will transition from trying to be a male to being a female. You may be more familiar with the term transexual. This isn't something that just happened, I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. What has changed is my acceptance of this and the realization that I can do something about it. I've been on a road that I wasn't completely sure had a destination. I know where it leads now & that's what brought about today's announcement and this mail. This month, I start taking the more serious steps in transitioning. This is a process that will take the next 1.5 - 2 years to complete. I begin by going on a hormone replacement program that will help change some of my physical characteristics to be more female in appearance. At some point in this process, I will begin a one year "real life test" where I am required to live in the female role at all times. Only after this can I seek the surgery that will complete the transition. What does this all mean and why am I telling you?

I have no intention of leaving my job. I love what I do and I think I'm part of the best team here at (Very Large High Tech Company). I am losing too many other things in my life and this is my point of stability and happiness. I'm not asking for your blessing or your support (although both are appreciated, I understand that not everyone has moral or religious beliefs that can accept such things).

I do ask that you:

Continue to allow me to do the best I can in my role with the team. I'm not changing my brain or my work or management styles. If anything, I expect to be more focused than in the past. Keep a sense of humor (assuming you had one to begin with If you didn't, my sympathies). I deal with stressful things by joking or sarcasm; don't be afraid to do the same. If you want to joke with me about it, then please feel free but keep the personal attacks, if any, out though.

Talk with someone if you have issues with this. Your lead, HR, me - whatever you're comfortable with. I don't have all the answers and I don't promise to answer every question but I'll be as honest with you as I can.

Don't be worried about using the wrong name or descriptive. Kind of like the phone company with area code changes, there is a grace period while we all adjust to the new name & gender. Try not to use Sir or Mr though - those make me cringe.

If you've read this far, thanks for letting me take some of your time. I hope that we can all get back to focusing on shipping a great product put out by a great team of people.

Thanks


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