Be Prepared

How many times have you prepared for a night out, dressed to kill? What was on your mind as you anticipated the evening, adorned yourself in your best, and left for your destination? Probably you planned your wardrobe -- colors, accessories, etc., checked the time and place of the event, packed your purse with essentials and were on your way with thoughts focused on enjoying yourself to the max.

Or are you at the opposite pole -- yearning to go out on the town but so fearful of discovery, and worse, ridicule or aggression, that you abandon the thought almost before it is formed.

Each of these mind sets has its dangers, but neither needs to be abandoned completely. Moderation is the word. Although going out dressed should be fun, total oblivion to hazards is an invitation to disaster. And paralysis by fear of the worst possible scenario is similarly unproductive.

The danger of being "clocked" or "read" may be greatly overrated--not because you pass so well--lots of new CDs and occasional dressers don't, but because the vast majority of people who might recognize you as a CD are not aggressive or violent. It is probably more important for you to be prepared, mentally and emotionally for the insensitively curious and those whose inhibitions are loosened by alcohol. The former may be best handled in a variety of ways depending on circumstances. If you are walking past them, indifference is the best response. If they are moving in the same direction, or you are cornered with them in line waiting for a traffic light, etc., a flippant, or friendly rejoinder may smooth over an awkward moment -- "I heard you mention my dress. It's Donna Karan and I love it too."

The drunkenly loquacious can best be dealt with by adopting an attitude of kindly condescension followed by moving on, even if it takes you out of your way. Drunks are unpredictable, unreasonable, and uneducable; don't waste your effort on them.

Some CDs are the instrument of their own danger... in their choice of clothing. Shoes that do not fit properly, cut off circulation to the feet, that slip off when walking, that have unsteady or very high heels, and those with platform soles are truly dangerous. Not only is there the danger of tripping when walking under normal circumstances, should the unlikely occur and you wish to beat a hasty retreat, your shoes may impede you avoiding a dangerous or threatening situation. Ditto tight skirts, long shawls and lengthy chain link jewelry. Make sure your clothes are comfortable, that you are practiced in their wear and management and they do not impede your movement.

Because even the unlikely may occur, you should have a game plan in mind. If at all possible travel in pairs. Should you have an accident such as a fall or a minor traffic mishap something that attracts a crowd, do your best to maintain your dignity. If you are uninjured and there is no need to involve any authorities, move on quickly. If you need help, either medical or the police, call for it yourself on your cellular phone (a great help, these days). Should you find yourself the target of physical aggression, assess the danger and your ability to defend yourself. This is not the moment to try your feminine wiles or to go limp. If you are very matched with the aggressor and no weapons are flashed, take an assertive stance. Avoid physical engagement unless you are secure in your competence. Do what you would do if you weren't crossdressed. Put aside your pride. Try to position yourself in a way to attract attention --- run into a store or even into slow moving traffic. If they want money, hand it over.

If you feel you have been the victim of hate violence targeted because of your transgender status, get any necessary medical care and then report the incident to the police. Last but not least, if you are in the SF Bay area call CUAV (Community United Against Violence) at 333-HELP or a similar local organization. This organization works to end anti-gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender violence in a confidential manner. They provide empowering services to survivors such as crisis intervention short term counseling, advocacy with the criminal justice system, support groups, and a 24 hour crisis line.

Dr. Anderson is a therapist in the San Francisco Bay Area. She can be reached at 415-776-0139.


© 1997 by Barbara Anderson & 3-D Communications, Inc.