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Yeah, I Remember When....

And Boy, Am I Ever Trying Not To!

by Jessica Brandon

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone."

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Solitude

In the June 1993 issue of Renaissance News & Views, Dina Amberle and Gloria Lange collaborated on an article called "Remember When" that dealt with all those wonderful memories of first time experiences in crossdressing. I found that to be a very fascinating article, since it related so very well to each and every one of us. To this day, it remains one of the best pieces I've ever read in this newsletter.

Now, as terrific as that article was, I wondered what it would be like if a dash of humor and wackiness was added, if we were to take a walk on the wild side and look at those adventures through the eyes of someone who should either be doing stand up comedy, or wearing a straitjacket. Since I happen to think I fall somewhere in the middle, I decided to have a little fun. Let me stress, here and now, that everything you're about to read actually happened to me over the years, proof positive that I was a stone cold moron when I started doing this crossdressing stuff. I'm not afraid to laugh at myself occasionally (I do a lot of that) and I hope you get a few chuckles from my adventures too. I know I do when I think back to those nutty days of blissful transgendered ignorance!

I put on my first pair of panties, and wondered why there wasn't a fly front on them.

I tried walking in my mom's high heels, and thanked God the floors were carpeted, because I kept falling down.

I put a bra on for the first time, backwards by the way, and, yes, just like the old jokes goes, it fit better.

I accidentally ruined a pair of my mom's pantyhose, and hyperventilated from panic.

I decided it was time for a dress, and virtually dislocated my arms trying to use that damn zipper in the back!

I was stubborn enough to try on a dress that was too small for me. It fit pretty good, provided I didn't breathe.

I fell in love with a pair of funky boots mom owned. Why then did it seem to take all day to lace them up?

I practiced going down stairs in high heels. Needless to say, I got down a lot faster than I intended.

I started raiding my mom's closet to feed my habit. I think I got more use out of her clothes than she did!

I boldly tried on one of my mom's Afro wigs. Picture if you will, Linc from "The Mod Squad" in drag, a terrifying sight indeed.

I attempted to put pierced earrings on unpiereced ears. I couldn't figure out why it hurt so much when I tried to do that.

I decided to buy my own stash of women's clothes. The thrift shops and five and dime stores made a killing off me.

I finally learned what I did was called "crossdressing". You mean it's a religious thing? Praise the Lord and pass the lipstick!

I first experimented with makeup, bought the wrong shade and freaked out when I looked like Al Jolson in reverse.

I used crazy glue to keep press-on nails in place, and panicked later when I had trouble getting them off.

I took those first pictures of myself fully dressed. Talk about hideous! I was actually amazed I didn't break the camera lens.

I went to have those pictures developed. I walked into the shop wearing sunglasses and gave a phony name. Paranoid? Nah!

I saw a picture of my very first crossdresser. Finally, someone who looked uglier in drag than I did!

I watched Donahue parade around in a skirt on TV. Man! He made even my legs look like a million bucks!

I attended my first Renaissance meeting. Tense? Let's just say the "Rocky" statue was less rigid than I was that night.

I was the prototypical wallflower no one could get a word out of at meetings. Nowadays, people can't get me to shut up!

I ventured out in public for the first time in daylight. When a man said "Good afternoon, Miss", I turned around to see who he was talking to.

I was just a dull, drab nobody. Today, I'm a crossdresser, a rare and colorful bird who's having the time of her life!

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