Transgender

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Dear Rachael,




Got something on your mind? Would you like to talk it over with Rachael?
Drop a line to Rachael and she'll help you as much as she can.

Dear Rachael:

I am getting ready to make the change and would very much like someone to talk to about my change.

Jamie

Dear Jamie:

Such a short note for such a serious step. It begs for zillions of questions and answers. Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Have you started hormone therapy yet? Are you in counseling? Are you aware of support groups in your area (?)? Or are you well beyond that and just want to know the whole thing (operation) will unfold, recovery time, etc.. Feel to contact me directly with additional info. These are just a few . . . please tell me more!

Dear Rachael:

First of all I would like to say this letter expressing my thoughts, doubts and the need to talk to someone is genuine. I am a twice divorced, currently single, 41 years old, person in a male body very confused and unhappy person. Due to these circumstances I don't know who to talk to. There are many issues that I need to sort through and feel extremely overwhelmed by it all. I feel very depressed by this (I 'm NOT SUICIDAL though) and can't see and end to this pain. I also have two children of whom I have sole custody and rely and me for all their physical and emotional needs. I don't have much time right now, but felt the need to get the ball rolling. I would appreciate hearing from you.

Love
Paula (tv)

Dear Paula:

Getting the ball rolling is the place to start all right. Actually, since you have found this web site you are well on your way. You need to talk to others here, send off for some textbooks, join a support group in your area ... but most of all see a gender counselor, if at all possible.

You have to turn your unhappiness into understanding and acceptance. You have to balance all of this with what will work for you and what is best for your children. It is not only possible, but also quite likely that you can, with help, find that balance. I truly believe that denial will eat at you as it has in all the past years. Expression of your feminine feelings is not a luxury, but an imperative for your well being. Am I right?

The are many thoughts and positions about when to tell your children, if you should ever. While I am one for honesty in personal relationships, I recognize that if done at the wrong time or in the wrong manner, telling can cause long term harm to children. I have seen cases where the TV has taken the right steps (counseling and even including the family in the final stages), telling has worked wonderfully. I know of some disasters, too. There is no magic here, just hard work and some risk!

First thing though, is for you to become comfortable with your true self. You have started! Good Girl!

Dear Rachael:

What do you do when you are spending more money on female clothes than on male clothes. I can't seem to control my desire to purchase female clothes. Do you have any helpful comments?

Leslie

Dear Leslie:

What do I do? Not a problem! I just smile a lot. I can't think of many things that I would rather do. I fanaticize that my minimally adequate male wardrobe suddenly disappears leaving me with only one choice. Yummy! If you are spending beyond your means, that is bad. Cut up the credit cards. Otherwise enjoy!

Dear Rachael,

I just joined TG Forum, so I'm rather new to 'exposing' myself. I will try to answer your questions as best as I can, but stating as a little bio might work better (at least for me). I'm a 38 year old SWM CD, that started dressing in lingerie around age 12 for erotic purposes (i.e. TV). However, in the last few years, I've progressed to dressing in complete woman's clothing for non-erotic purposes. The desire to dress in public is strong (hence progressing past lingerie!). I am heterosexual (sexually I want to be with a woman). I prefer to live alone, but that may be more to my own other distinctive personality traits, with the CDing having only an influence. Now when I CD I prefer to go somewhere; it's just not that much fun alone in my house. But I'm still new to this, so I haven't interacted with the public. Just how far I'll take this, and what experiences I'll find enjoyable have yet to be completely discovered. I believe I can say with complete confidence, is that I will not progress to a TS, nor a pre-op TS, and I have absolutely no desire to be with a male sexually. Keeping my male persona seems to be equally important at this time. I believe that it would be wrong to say that "I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body" ;-)

As far as social contact goes, I believe that by joining TG Forum, I am pursuing social contact with other TGs. Not quite sure, but probably just talking with people that can relate and not be judgmental (i.e. support) is the major contributing factor.

We've often heard M2Fs say "I'm a woman trapped in a man's body." And for the sake of humor, Garry Shandling said a long time ago "I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body." More recently, Elaine Boozler said "I'm a person trapped in a woman's body." At my own attempt at humor, let me add this one: "I'm a man trapped in a man's body" ;-)

About 2 years ago, is when I first confided my long secret to a female friend (platonic) of mine. Initially, I approached it in the name of humor, ya know, as a joke. After all, isn't that the way most of the public perceives it when they see it on TV (uh, television). But when she started believing, and helping me, I trashed the joke part of it. Cool. Got some great hand-me-down clothes (we're about the same size!), cosmetics, etc.

Soon thereafter I started searching the Internet just to see what I could find. Even though I had long since known I wasn't the only one, I never really heard from others, nor knew just how many. I read diaries, some I could relate to. The real heart breakers were the ones that had a SO and maybe children. In that regard, I guess I'm glad I'm not married. It's difficult enough dealing with this inside my own head, much less having others to try and understand. With the serious girlfriends in my past, I always dreaded how I could confront them with this. But it never happened as the relationships always fizzled for other reasons, so they never knew. Not unless they figured it out by noticing they were missing an article of clothing. Oops!

You mentioned many were my age, they could have written my bio. And yet now, they have progressed to hormones. Yea, I read some of that too in the net diaries. It seems so many get to a point in their life where they have to ask themselves whether to take "the next step." I conceptually understand that. I mean, moving from the erotica TV (not television this time), to a full dressed woman in public I see as a "next step." So I realize that I may one day take it further, even though I'm not pursuing it now. I just don't see myself with the typical TS personality trait of knowing at a very early age that change needs to take place. And if I did change all the way, would I then be a lesbian? Confusing... :-|

A year and a half ago I did experiment with the herbal stuff I read about, but more as a curiosity. If it really did work, I probably would have stopped taking it anyway! I took the Black Cohosh Root and Don Quai for about a month. Maybe it was my imagination, but my skin really felt a lot softer (nice)!

Karen

Dear Karen:

Thanks for addressing my invitation to share your bio. You are a great writer and I am sure others will see themselves in much of what you feel and say. Yes, and I could have authored much of what you wrote.

It is interesting that there is no imperative to progress from TV to TG to TS. Some will always remain a TV, even closeted 'til death. Others go straight to TS. Others, as you, say they are missing the early age imperative to be a female . . . a yet end up TS. You are right, it is and can be very confusing. But what a wonderful ride through life it can be! Smile!

Rachael

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