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© 1996 Transgender Forum
June - July 1997
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Topics: Have people ever said anything negative to you? Biggest passing problem? Telling the Children. More
Just recently I have had some incidents that I believe never would have occurred a year or two past. I've been hooted at from passing cars as I was walking after dinner, which is not neccessarily bad in itself, but I don't believe it could be taken as a 'complimentary hoot'. It was more the rude, sneering kind of a noise that teenage boys make when they have nothing better to do than to yell at people on the street as they whiz by in their little customized manly-mobiles. Ooops! I'm going off on a tangent already.
The incidents I am speaking of are three occasions where I was refered to as a "Faggot". Which seems to be the manner in which some men amuse themselves when they are in the company of several male buddies and they happen to encounter someone who does not measure up to their particular standards as far as men/maleness goes. One of the incidents occured as I was entering a restaurant with my ex-wife. As we passed by a table laden with drunken sports enthusiasts, one of the aforementioned found it wholley amusing to call me the double 'F' word as I slid past. As a side note; Every male can look at another man and instantly tell whether or not he is a 'Fag', it is the antithesis of 'Gaydar',... Just kidding!
Why two short years ago would this have never happened? Because standing 6'2' tall and weighing 290 lbs with very little fat earns you a certain amount of respect in the male community. Some men believe (quite fool-heartedly) that someone who is effeminate, gay, geeky, or just different will not defend themselves, verbally or physically. This is a point I like to make often,... Don't assume that because I am TS, that I will not protect myself and my loved ones as best I can. I know in my condition this may seem like an assinine thing to say but the old adage holds true for me,... I don't look for trouble, but I won't run from it either. Apparently the two young boys cruising around a Shopping Center one night who encountered me and a friend as we were taking a walk didn't think we were anything to worry about. They bleated out the word and thought it rather funny. They then proceeded to drive by several times and make rather obscene gestures. If you would like further details on this partucular episode go to: http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/4548/page.html
on the bottom there is a link to: Living a Lie, or, Life is not dichotomous (and stuff)
A full explaination of each incident would take quite sometime, so suffice it to say that now, after being on HRT for more than a year I am not looking like the Gym-Rat I was 24 months ago. Somehow, just because my skin is softer, my hair is long and full, and I wear earrings in both ears, ( I've lost over 60 lbs of muscle mass) some men have no problem assuming that it's Okay to look me in the face and label me, much as did the young man who began staring at me while he was stopped at a traffic sign in front of my home. When I displayed enough evidence that I was not what he thought, he called me the name.
Okay !, so to conclude, No I don't have a problem with being taken for gay. If I was worried about that I would never have come out as Transgendered. (since the two go hand in hand as far as the general public is concerned) I do have a problem however with people who just assume a person who is different, is fodder for any callous, hurtful remark they care to make. I suppose that it is at times like these, I have to remember these people have deep-seated problems of their own, otherwise they would not find it so appealing to publically ridicule others. A friend said to me once, sometimes just the sight of 'us' (TG folk) might magnify others own secrets. Sometimes they feel they must openly decry folks like us to fortify and maintain their own identities.
As for me,... I rather just face my own demons, and not make other people responsible for my situation. Oh well,... I've rambled on enough,...
Robin Leigh
Two years ago, while having Thanksgiving dinner with my family, I expressed to them my unhappiness with how my life has turned. My brother in jest said, "if your so unhappy, why don't you just get a sex change!" I answered him that this was exactly what I was planning to do, and have been in sessions for 8 month already for. I told them that with the money left to me by my grandmother, I was preparing to do just that. My mother cried, my brother cursed, my sister laughed, and I, I left! Since that day, I have made peace with my mother, she excepts Jamie. My brother and one sister have disowned me, but the other sister and I shop together reguarily. She treats me as another woman, not her brother. Am I involved? No, that wouldn't be fair until the job is complete, but the doesn't mean I don't date men occasionally, on the contrary, I do. I do make it clear that I don't get into sex on the first date, that's usually the last time I see them. It's not that I'm ugly, but I'm no beautyqueen either. What will happen after the jobs complete this September remains to be seen. Jamie
Jamie Ritter
So far, I haven't received any negative words from anyone I have came out to. Most have been cordial. Two friends at work, Mom, and a gay friend. I told my g/f and she freaked at first and said some things, but she is trying hard to understand.
Courtney Ranae Dean
Courtney Ranae Dean
I've just returned from Canada, my consult with the surgeon who will perform my final SRS. It's 60 days and counting and for some reason, I'm scared. It's not because I think I'll regret it, it's because for once my ultimate dream is becoming reality. I know it's what I want, all three of my doctors have given the go-ahead for the surgery, it's just so final. My body is ready, I'm down to size 9. I know this is stupid, but I'd love to hear some encouraging words from my friends, just to know I'm doing the right thing. I've been passing for about 8 months now, knowone suspects anything. I just can't wait to feel a man, you know what I mean.Jamie Ritter
Jamie Ritter
I have a girl friend in south Florida that has had some laser work done. It makes the skin red for a few days after but I have been told it works and is far less costly and painful than electrolosis.
Terrianne.
Terrianne
Regarding hair removal: I saw a report on a laser treatment some time ago on
TV (Television) News and finally found a website. Check it out:
http://www.softlightskincare.com/
Did any of you girls try it? Dee Dorothy
dee dorothy stern
Having been an MTF TG for all 40+ years of my life, and wondered about the "why" question (probably too much) I have recently begun to think about the visual basis for our concepts of gender. I have read "Brain Sex," but that doesn't help me with how we develop our concepts of what is male and female. Does anyone know of blind (from birth) TGs, who have not had any visual inputs to use to develop their concepts of gender? If our sense of gender is primarily visually based, that doesn't make it wrong, it is just an important factor to consider. Andrea
Andrea
Hi,
I am new to the community, and I have just told my friends & family that I
intend to live the rest of my life as a female. I have been rejected by most
however my true friends are backing me up. I have just recently started taking
hormones, after a year and a hsal fo going off them, to see if I really wanted
to change my sex.
Well, I have decided thay I have to be who I am, and feel like I have made the
correct decision, even though it is very lonely and confusing at times.
I have found that keeping a positive attitude is paramount, and as far as
getting the blues, I take herbs such as evening primrose oil, borage, and black
cohosh to name a few, which really help to balance out the mental roller coaster
that permerian can have on any transexual. Please feel free to e-mail me
if I can be of any help to anyone, concerning the uses of medicianal herbs,
which also have great cosmetic uses, and besides they are great to eat.
Yours truly,
Stephanie Lee
Stephanie Lee Hart
On the Dignity Cruise to Bermuda last year as I was walking into the dining room
on the ship appropiately dressed, one man looked at me and in a loud voice
remarked "Do I have to spend a week at sea with a bunch of wierdos". As the week
progressed we began to talk and he softened. On the last night of the cruise
he called me over, put his arms around me and with pride said, "it has meant so
much to get to know you and the other crossdressers on the cruise. It takes real
balls to do what you do and you look great!". I had tears in my eyes. We are
planning the ninth Dignity Cruise for Jan 16-19, 1998 sailing from Miami to the
Bahamas. Come join us for 3 nights enfemme on the most beautiful ship
sailing. For more info email me. Melanie
Melanie Rudd
I'm general manager of a small video store chain, and many of my employees know about my "hobby".
Computer evidence uncovered some internal theft, and I was forced to fire 3 key employees. 1 of them
did not take being caught very well; her parting shot to me (I was in male mode at time) was "You're nothing
but a f----- that likes to wear dresses!. This was shouted in front of 16 customers. I had the last laugh;
I was able to see her indicted for theft, and it's likely that she will have to do
some jail time. Certainly, after her remark, she will be prosecuted to the full extent of law.
None of the customers made any comment whatsoever, despite the business being located in a very redneck area.
The girl, BTW, supposedly has GLBT friends, and had asked for info on my support groups to give to her friends.
Wonder if they know her real feelings?
Anne C.
To all of Gerri Anne's many friends:
It has been a month now since Gerri Anne passed away. It is very hard to express in simple words the loss that I personally feel.
To have one extremely close friend who is Transgendered, once in a lifetime is rare. The memory of the mamny firsts that we did together helps to fill the void.
It is hoped that just one person that Gerri helped, will pick up were Gerri left off and help someone else as Gerri so often did.
To that end Gerri's Home Page has been updated in a fitting memorial page. I hope that everytime you view it, you say a little prayer for Gerri and Diana.
Best Wishes to All Gerri's mamny friends.
Hugs
Michelle
Michelle Renée ~ Ottawa
I'am a fifty yo hermaphrodite ,like to wear short shorts and go salmon fishing
or just surf fish in shorts and leging's .I have had a lot of good fishing
trip's out of Sams sport fishing ,the deck hands are very nice there and always
help me land my fish ,all the men on trip are gentlemen .NEED A FRIEND TO GO WITH
ME! I love to fish in summer dresses and short,s ,but I'am afraid to go by my
SELF.
marian
marian gilfoy
The worst thing that has been said to me has to be by my wife. Her comment one evening as we were discussing my feelings and needs was, "I can and never will understand why you feel this way!" "Nor do I ever want to." Take heart girls,
that was 1 year ago today and we are still together. She is now becoming interested in my life and wanting to know more. She still does not atten my support group meetings but many questions are asked and a true interest on her part is apparent. So please be patient with those spouses and girlfriends and realize that NEVER does not mean forever, give them time to adjust and try to be patient with them. They are going through big changes as well!
Donna
Girls, Florida US Representative Stearns has written a letter attacking the rights of one of our sisters. She works for the state of Florida and is an exemplairly employee. He states "Obviously, in my home town of Ocala, this manner of behavior is particularly appalling" "You can imagine what conternation they must feel when confronted with this deviant behavior" I urge all to write the Governor of Florida and protest this narrow minded bigotry. Drop me an e-mail and I can send you the text of Rep Stearns letter. My friend has given me permission to use it and her name and work place to gain support. Please help. Love, Terrianne.
Terrianne
Although it's often hard to tell who's at what point in the gender spectrum,
I have had several comments made that under some circumstances might be deemed
compliments, but were really harmful. First, I used to go to alot of support
group meetings with my spouse, I am very thankful to have a spouse that would
go to these meetings with me! We often would get the comment.."so, which one is
the crossdresser?...Oh!, I thought you were (refering to my spouse)." This
does not help with keeping her support! Second, I often get comments in front
of my spouse about how good I look, while no one compliments her...I wanted to
curl up and die. I must say, that my spouse is beautiful, and surely better
looking than I am. Please be careful when you make comments to people in or
out of the company of a spouse, they can be well meaning, but often are very
hurtful.
Stacie B.
Negative comments are an occupational hazzard. When they come from the general public
in public they're easier to take. The one that hurt recently was from a scraggy young drag
queen who took offence to my efforts at femininity. My response was the same as the
police do when they come across a situation they don't want to deal with: FIDO or
'Forget It, Drive On'.
Linda Jensen
Dear Girls,
I think the greatest problem is generally size. Nose size and Jawline are
next. Hand size and bodily muscular definition are third. I'd place voice as
fourth. I think I could talk as much like a lady as Dustin H. in "Tootsie",
but at 5' 11" with biceps and forearm definition and my nose and chin; I haven't
a prayer of passing. I think that telling children is so complicated a situation
that everyone's case is unique/ One wants to be honest, but there are so many factors involved
Sisterly regards Melissa Rose
Mellisaa123
Bone & muscle structure and how we carry it and show it.
Dress to cover the obvious. Many of us are not pin-up girls, don't dress
like one. It's a dead give-away. I've been to TG meetings where the clothes
the girls were wearing, while looking terrific on the right body, look really
bad on ours. I know you won't like this, but keep your age in mind if you're
leaning toward the higher digits in age.
DO NOT over-compensate for your lack of natural feminine behavior. Just try
to be yourself. People judge heavily by what they see. If you are overdoing
feminine behavior, they will most assuredly pick-up on it. Don't talk like
an effeminate man--one of the worst things you can do.
Enough.
Happy Holiday!
<MsRebel>
MsRebel
Hi gals!
Although I think B***d cover is a major hurdle for alot of us, I think confidence and attitude are the biggest red flags. (Or rather, LACK THEREOF!) It is truely amazing what you can get away with if you simply are comfortable and natural in your presentation and don't even worry about being read. I know it is a tough thing to learn, but the rewards are well worth it. Worrying about "Being read" gives everyone else power over you. Strive to keep that power for yourself!
Love and Hugs,
Sheri Gwen
Sheri Gwen
I agree with most of the comments on what gets us read. It also shows that the tipoffs are different for everyone. With me, the attention starts with my height and build - 5'11" 140lbs - which I think is visually pleasing, *then* they zero in on the adam's apple and facial blemishes. But, I work in a corporate headquaters in an urban center office tower, so avoiding being read is not an option. That's where confidence and poise take over. Most people in a large crowd never notice me if I'm dressed appropriately, carry myself as a woman (no hulking or slouching), and watch how I speak.
Shannon
Hey girls, on the topic of hair removal. I bought the "ForeverFree-415" tweezer type RF hair removal unit from KMC Int. for $99.50. They make many claims in the instructions that in my opinion (I am a Medical Design Engineer) that are false. However, the unit does seem to remove hair to a limited extent. I have only used it for two months, but it seems to cut the growth by about half. It takes forever though, holding each hair for 20 seconds with the tweezers. On the chemical cream mentioned earlier, it takes at least a year to get a new product through the FDA for market approval so don't hold your breath yet. These RF (radio frequency) tweezer type units may be coming on the market in droves soon. The FDA is considering droping the requirement for premarket approval or even notification. That means anyone may introduce a new unit if they follow simple rules of control. Good luck, and I will keep you all posted on how this unit works. Hugs, Terrianne.
Terrianne
After a couple of years living as a woman fulltime, I can tell you this, it's easy to blend in when your not overly slutty in public. Most of us want to be the fem-fatal, the esy and admired woman in public, but often that means the wrong attention. You can be sultry, you can be sexy, short skirts and high heels can be tasteful and sexy, pink boas and sequence dresses are for special nights. I dress sexy at the office, my skirts are short, my heels high, and I do catch comments from other woman in the office, but I never over dress,(or under dress) when I want to blend in, after all, we just want to be one of the girls, don't we? Jamie
Jamie Ritter
Beard cover is a major problem for most of us, all though going through HRT has almost stopped the hair growth, it hasn't stopped all together. I have a friend, he's a chemist who works for a major pharmacutical house in Colorado. In our conversations, he has told me that his company is currently working on an enzyme that when applied to the area were the hair growth is a problem, it will halt the hair growth for uo to 4 months with one application. Right now, they are having problem with the FDA and permission to begin human testing, although he has said that they expect to recieve authorization this fall to begin, I will keep you all updated through this forum.
Jamie Ritter
Style of dress. A TG can gie herself away when she dresses according to the dictates of her (residual) male fantasy. Go for softness, emotional accessibility, modesty, and low profile in dress, make up , and personal style.
Don
Hi Ladies,
I was just surfing the net, looking at alternatives for hair removal. One product
that looked interesting, but may be too good to be true, was one called Ultimate
Hair Away, from a company in Canada. Has anyone tried this process? Does it
work? It is a little expensive, but not as much as other processes. If anyone
has had experience with this I would love to know about it before I spend the $$.
If no one else has tried I may try it and let you know if it is something that
would help our community. Thanks in adance for any help any one may be able to
give me.
Jennifer
Tip-offs? If you have an Adam's Apple (that's noticable), then that's it for sure. No
question about it. Girls simply don't have one and if you do, well, DUH!
What can be done about it? Geez, I dunno. I would guess you could wear a
scarf, a turtle neck, or something like that. Or you could walk backwards
a lot. Maybe you could call it a tumor but by that time you're already pegged.
If you have the money, there's a surgery that can reduce it.
Ciao,
Revy!
Hi Girls...just a quick question. I've always wondered how you shave your back?
I just can't seem to keep the razor at the right angle no matter how I extend the length of the handle. Have any of you come up with a good idea to help? I'd dearly love
to wear a dress with a scooped out back!
Gina Marie from Virginia
I think the second biggest "give-away" is one of poise/attitude/self-convictioni/
self-confidence (even if it is a "mask" that we create).
First time I went out, I spent the whole night, (and had NO fun...)
looking at every person within 25 feet of me, wondering if they
had made me or not....
Given that I was at a very free-for-all, multi-gender party in a private
home I doubt my vigilance did anything, except ruin the night for me...
and in the few public moments I had, everytime I caught someone else's
eye I just freaked and started sweating audibly, trembling like a leaf,
and acting in ways that even the most insensitive, drugged/drunk uninterested
person would find "suspicious".....
Now I'll go read what the "rest of us" think about this topic!!
BilliJo
(( Willi@Multicom.Org ))
BilliJo
I agree with Annie Castina. Inner confidence comes first. That comes both
knowing you are right to be doing what you're doing, and knowing that you are
doing it right. Getting makeup so it doesn't call attention is vital. The only
way to do that is going to a good quality cosmetics counter for real assistance.
I did it twice last week en homme, and nobody looked twice. The next day nobody
looked twice either, which was the idea. One other point: don't overdo it. I've
spotted half a dozen folks because their details were too precise. I
deliberately wear a male sports watch with casual women's clothes. A real woman
might well do something like that. A pretend woman wouldn't. So I do and I
look all the more real.
Emily Alford
I have heard that there is a fine group of CD's in Vancouver BC can anybody put me in touch.
Also anybody know of a group of CD's only in Seattle.
Oh, I guess one other thing, somewhere I read recently of a new method of hair removal @ home. Anybody know anything about it?
Thanks. Alice
Alice
Voice can be trained & altered. The biggest tipoff is the hands.
Usually a lack of rings and Hand gestures. Men are not sublte in hand
gestures as women are. The walk has to be practiced. It takes a lot of
practice to pass. Keep it up girls!! ((HUGS))
Phyllis
I have found that other that voice, size and bone structure are usually the
give-aways when dressed. I have not run across many of us who are blessed
with the small delicate features that a GG possesses. I, myself, am over 6 ft.
tall and while I have a small frame for my size, it is still much larger than most
GG's. Unfortunately, I don't know of any way to shrink to a more passable size.
I guess plastic surgery could help with rough facial features, but that is the only
option I can think of.
rebeccag
Biggest tip-off? Beard shadow. Solution? Electrolysis.
Amanda
I'm a new CD (only a few months after many yerars of waiting) and have many questions that need answering. I would enjoy some email interaction with someone who understands 'everything': figuring out clothing sizes, what to expect from local support groups, family issues, and my feelings about men as a CD.
Roger
Actually (speaking from eight years of cross-living), the immutables (height, shoulders, etc.) matter a lot less than the details. I'm 6'1" and have weighed as much as 185, with broad shoulders and big hands and feet. I once was fitted for new glasses by a woman of about 40, who was inches away while we were trying various frame styles; she even commented that I was really tall. When I discovered I hadn't brought enough cash, I had to use my credit card with the male name. I told her quietly that the name was different because I didn't always look like that, and she was amazed, then curious. We went to have a bite to eat nearby and talked, as her only experience had been via talk shows. I told her the adam's apple was a giveaway, and she said she hadn't noticed, this from inches away. So much of it is confidence, a ruthlessly mainstream ordinariness of style, and telling yourself that most people won't begin to notice what you are sure is impossible to miss. A little voice training goes a long way (try mimicing deep-voiced women when they talk on TV; so much is style and inflection rather than pitch alone. Mostly, though, for first impressions (which usually make all the difference), you need to study other women in public places very, very carefully and adopt protective coloration, even if it means dressing down from what you really like to wear. Our culture is obsessively casual, but that doesn't mean you must dress like a boy. Find and wear everyday clothes that fit (too tight is a red flag), both your body and your setting. Wear high heels and a mini to the mall and you might as well carry a sign. The devil is in the details, which, fortunately, are always there for you to observe and synthesize into your own style. Posture, gait, gestures, smiling...it all adds up. Be ruthless with yourself in the mirrors (check your backside, too), then go boldly wherever you please. Relax!
Annie Castina
Hands!! not soft, nails not done , With all the hysterectomies voice is
not a tip off.
Marian Gilfoy
I wanted to comment about telling your children.
I let my children know when my daughter was eight and my son was ten.
Like I've already read here, I felt the context was very important.
My supportive wife and I did it during Halloween as a costume.
Of course, that was all they got at that time. Slowly, with more time, I told
them more and dressed more often around them. It's been about two years now
and my children even encourage my future transition. They were never told not
to tell anyone (but they don't). Still, they often express their pride in me.
Stephanie
Dressing inappropriately. Take a page out of your girlfriend's or wife's
book - you don't wear a leather mini and fishnets to the mall. You wear a ladies
suit if you want to reflect that "together working woman" image, or something more casual; jeans and a top if yo can get away with that look,
or a casual skirt and top. Flats or femme running shoes are good. Do as the Romans do, and don't sweat being read if you are.
We all have
to wear relatively heavy makeup to cover our beards, but don't wear your lipstick
or eye makeup that boldly during the daytime, and you increase your chances. Of course,
at night, in clubs or restaurants, you can be more dramatic with clothing or makeup.
Anne Casebeer
I would have to say beard or even a hint of a beard - or - noticeable makeup to cover the beard (permanent hair removal "rules"). Although you didn't ask, I would have to say thirdly would be shoulders.
Sharon M.
Thinkin' 'bout coming out of the box in the back of the closet into the light of this 17" diagonal color machine. But Silly Phyllis is lolly-gagging again. Help.
Silly Phyllis
Off the topic but looking for some infro from retired military TS's. I'm a retired AF pilot and will be going for a legal name change in the very near future. I wondered if any of you had problems with the DOD Finance Dept about changing your acc't to a femme name?
Susan Ashleigh Thatcher
I guess it would have to be height. Consult a magician.
Josie
Hey girls, I found some super information on transgender issues. Use Yaho search for "anne+vitale". Doctor Vitale has several real good articles. The best is "Implications of Being Gender Dysphoric". It covers childhood realization through adult depression of closet CDs. I totally recommend all read this excellent article.
Terrianne
I have traveled and had customs and different security personnel open my bag to
check on the contents. They have found heels, lingerie, wigs and personal items
that I use in the privacy of my room. Nothing was said and there is nothing they
can do if it is not endangering the safety of the flight. be careful of some
magazines as different countries have different pornography rules. the only time
I was embarrassed was when I was traaveling with a co-worker and they opened my
bag at security. She has never said anything but I know she wondered why all the
femme items in my bag
Sherri Daniels
This is off the topic but I have a question that I have been worrying about.I plan to do some international traveling in the near future, Latin America, Europe and maybe even Asia. Will I have a problem packing my lingerie? What happens whenand if customs opens my suitcase and sees my bras, nightgowns, etc. Has anyone had any experiences in this area? Suggestions.
Debbi
This is off the topic but Phyllis, Jill...I will be back in NH sometime Saturday. Had a great time at sea and here with my sister & b-i-l. Wore girl shorts and tops the entire week here with them. I've been in the cafe but not at the times you two are there. See you in a couple of days...HUGS! (next time I'm bring my address book along so I can at least fe-mail you from here)
Susan A
Susan Ashleigh Thatcher
When I told my SO, she tried to understand but never did. I recently told my two kids that I was to under go the SRS, needless to say they thought I was crazy and vowed never to speak to me again. The bright and unexpected part was my daughter. She said that she always suspected that i had a femme side because I was so good at the things that are naturally attributed to women. Since my revelation, I have become closer to my daughter, we shop together and talk girl talk. It's a gamble, you never know what the outcome will be, but you have to try.
Jamie Ritter
Being a new father I have pondered how I should handle
my transgender feelings with my son but then I realized
that the more complex issue is how will I raise my son so
that he can transcend the notion of gender specific
behavior? I knew that I wanted to look like a girl by the
time I was five but I also knew that that was wrong. I also
realized at an early age that I was attracted to girls so
when I was a kid I simply resigned myself to being a freak.
Now the dilemma is how do I deal with my son. On one hand I
may coax out of him that he has transgender feelings and
then what? Tell him that its ok and we all dress up openly?
If my parents had let me dress when I was a kid who knows
what would have eventually happened? I would have probably
gotten a sex change. So was it just as well that I was
secretive? The whole issue is complicated.
I think the bottom line is to do what is best for your
children and teach them to respect peoples differences. The
transgender issue should solve itself if your main focus is
to give your children as much attention and guidance as you
can.
tonya
I think that kids sure not be told, let them live as a child with out the
concerns of the world's many choices of ways of living, because, all there
concern's should be going to school and getting great grades, teaching them
to make good choices for them selves....with out a good education-one will
suffer. you want to stifle a child mind.
michele
what I meant to say,YOU DO NOT WANT TO STIFLE a child's mind.
michelle
Telling the children: context is everything. My son and older stepdaughter
in pretty awful circumstances when they were pre-adolescent. I nearly lost him,
but my now-spouse saved the situation. We agreed then that my younger step-
daughter needed to not know for her own good reasons. My son has left the issue
alone. The older stepdaughter understands, sympathizes, has raided both
of my wardrobe, and teases me. The younger girl picks Emily up, no question,
but still does not know officially. If she asks point blank, I'll tell her
straight but she still has plenty to bear and her mother and I agree that she
should not be confronted with the issue. The moral: it depends on both yourself
and the child. If you are self-accepting, which I was not then, and the child
is secure, s/he probably won't hurt for knowing. But if either of those
is missing, tread carefully, slowly, and softly.
Emily Alford
I'm a spouse of a transgendered gal. We've recently married, and one thing
that has been on my mind is if we have children, what to tell them? I'm
totally accepting, and I want my children to be so as well...the question
is when do we tell them, and how much? Children are so perceptive, there
is no possible way for us to hide our lifestyle from them. My mother fears
this would only confuse and hurt our kids...they'd have a Daddy who was
sometimes a Mommy. Personally, however, I know all the secrets hidden from
me as a child were made only worse by the delay of me knowing the truth.
You should tell you children, you must find the appropriate way of doing so....
the longer you wait, the more pain whether telling family, friends, or lover.
Desiree
Desiree
I blew it tried to copy patticoat ponds url and lost my original post message
http://www.staylace.com/pond.html
There were problems with the original provider so tessy switched.
It just took a long time to switch but internic is running slow.
Candy
I came out to my wife by accident, and the revelation nearly destroyed our marriage. I then came out to our daughter (3 yrs old) to protect her from the trauma of discovering my secret when she is older and less flexible. I asked her to try and be discreet about the information but have never threatened sanctions. I then came out to my family and my wife's family to protect my daughter from any trauma they might inflict on her when she talks to them about me. I have also told a few close friends. A guideline on disclosure I have read somewhere goes, only disclose if the disclosure will enhance your relationship. I have to add that it may be necessary to disclose in order to protect someone else as well. There is no doubt in my mind that every situation is unique and as long as certain elements of society choose to persecute individuals because of unalterable personal traits, the rule is, do whatever seems right and necessary, and feel no remorse about having lied to, hidden from, or shocked anyone. It is after all someone elses' damn rules that created this no-win situation in the first place. Why the hell should any of us feel guilty about what we do? I say, follow your own conscience. Those that made up that rule book certainly don't show much moral fortitude regardless of how they may protest to the contrary!
Josie
And what of the children? We have several. Our carefully selected strategy involved the slow diffusion of information over a period of several years. I am a reasonably transparent person. The kids know - there can be no question about it. They have picked up the evidence over their entire lives. There have been few anxieties and absolutely no isolation with our family.
Anne
Anne
I have always truly believed that a large percentage of the "art of passing" is attitude.
There are so many of us that look in the mirror and only see their male self, but with a wig and makeup. So the natural question is can I pass? Do others see what I see.
The answer is No! All too many times I have passed people who I have known for years, and just don't recognize Michelle. Not once, but many times. Good makeup and a good wig make it possible, along with clothes than are street smart and natural.
The art of passing is the art of not causing a second and third look. 5" heels and a ultra short skirt just don't work in public. It is only natural for a male to take a second look at something dressed like that. The more they look, the better the chance they will
discover something that is not just right. One of the things that I have always felt to be helpful in allowing me to pass, is to sit in a mall, at a food court and just watch women as they pass by. Pay attention to the way they walk, hand movements etc. A little motion like brushing hair from your eye all help.
It isn't good enough that you look like female, if you walk like a redneck trucker.
I am fortunate to be able to pass about 99% of the time, being read only once in who know how many outings. And that read was my own fault, wrong shoes with the outfit I was wearing for the time of the year. This was indicated by the comments that my wife overheard (As she was out with me at the time)
I think along time ago, I read the words of Ms Roberts who said "passing is 10% makeup and 90% attitude" That expression stuck to me like gum on a shoe. Truer words have never been uttered, so that is the best advice that I would utter.
Michelle Renée
Children are aware of more than we realize. Sometimes by not telling them we pass on a sense of shame. I would not volunteer anything but if my child asks, I answer simply and truthfully all of their questions and nothing more.
Larissa (ND)
Children should always be shielded from our problems until they are impossible to hide. When the time comes that it`s physically impossible to conceal what`s happening, tell the child what`s going on and assure them it is your problem, not theirs, and you will always be there for them. It will not be easy, and the child will suffer no matter what you do...but in time will be OK if you don`t go away(translation: if you leave your wife don`t leave your child!!) Whatever sacrifices it takes, only tell children when you absolutely have to. Don`t dump your garbage in someone else`s front yard. Don`t believe the psychobabble garbage that "honesty is the best policy". Children should have a stress free existence (as much as possible) at home. LOVE, Bethanne
Bethanne McLaurine

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Ah, telling the kids about Dad (or Mom, possibly). This is an area I am so very concerned about, given my situation. Being TS, but just starting to express it, I have no idea where I might end up, and it is certainly difficult to tell kids things that they need to be certain of when you can't be certain.
I'm not planning on telling them anything right now. I am conflicted in this, for ther reasons ANYSE gives (honest, respect, etc.) but I also know that the age my older daughter is (10) she is entering the magical period where all hell breaks loose, and she doesn't need the extra baggage to carry that weird ol' Dad would bring as he becomes... what? "Aunt Tammy"? Having to figure herself out won't be made any easier by also having to figure me out. So that's my thinking right now. Next week, it might change.
T.P.Temple
Although this post does not fit perfectly with the suggested topic here it
goes. To all TS, TV, people if you are brave enough to let others know who
you really are, walk proud and please remember all of us who are not as brave.
Who cannot even tell the ones we love most about who we truley are. I may be
physically a male however my heart, mind, and soul remain as always female.
I may not have the strength to live as i truley am but i gain some measure of
peace and strength knowing that i am not alone.
Jim
As a matter of fact, I do not think I can pass very well and when I go out (VERY
seldomly), I know that I look like a man in womens clothes. Even that makes me
feel good. It is a thing of showing what you feel. Then again, some time ago
I went out for the first time in broad daylight and I did not get any strange
looks. I must have passed rather well. Maybe this was caused by the fact that
I did not feel nervous at all; I was feeling relaxed and nice, just as it should
be. I think that you are then already halfway of passing.
Have fun, love
Nadia
As far as whether it's important to 'pass' or not, I urge all sister who worry excessively about it relax unless you want to be a professional drag queen for a living. I have a somewhat feminine face and tiny breasts, but I make no effort to 'pass' as an ordinary girl. I am a woman, as far as I am concerned. But I am a very special woman with some extra features :)
Dotty
Dotty
I can't resist responding. I don't always feel that I have passed but when I do I am ecstatic! Once, at a shopping mall I went into a shop specializing in long dresses and party gowns. I was fully dressed, hair styled, etc., and browsing at the party gowns. The clerk came over and told me how much she liked the dress I was looking at and suggested I try it on. I hesitated, asking if she was sure that would be OK. She insisted, telling me to come out and show her when I had it on. She loved it, saying that I had a very attractive figure, etc. and that I should try several others on. It was nearly closing time so I only tried one more but she suggested I come back some other time; even if I was only browsing. At this point I asked again if she was sure it would be OK. She was puzzelled, wanting to know why I was concerned. I stammered for a moment before saying that I didn't imagine many men came into the store dressed like me. She was flabbergasted. She truly had no idea. I loved it!
Jane
"Are hetro CDs all closet lesbians?"
That's what my wife calls me, because I like being so feminine when enfemme.
But I don't want to be a woman (even though I love wearing female clothing).
I just like that indescribable feeling when slipping into a long satin gown.
Luv to y'all. Keri
Keri
Dear Sofronia A Strong.
"In Finery" is my Favorite, though Community Service is a close second. "In Training" is next. I just cot "Goodboys", and it's excellent I aalways buy your books, Michel Lang's and the Young Adult ones. I like the Little Girlscene and extreme frilliness. That's what I love about your booksDid you wear Rebbeca's outfit from"Finding Lady Katherine. It sounds wonderful, though I's prefer pink or light blue. Keep writing these excellent books, please. I'm not used to the note system here, so myne may look odd. Thank you Melissa Ann
Melissa Ann
Yes, children SHOULD be told. THere is something that they learn from this: that you can be honest with them and can trust them as well. Children learn by example to deal with other people who have different values and opinions through the way that their parents handle these things. An honest and open environment teaches them that it pays to be open and honest. That deceit is not a good thing. That even the worst things that we have to share with others, although they may cost us something (socially, economically, psychically), are to be dealt with honestly. Children also learn that, as family members, they are also important--important enough not to be lied to or to hide something from them that may be construed later on as something "dirty," evil, or bad.
We told our son at 6 years that I was transgendered. Now, he will be 9 in July, he knows what I am going through and the process. He has a healthy attitude and loves me more now than ever. I really do not feel that we could be this close were I to have lied to him and sprang this on him all at once. As a family, we have gone through transition together and that is empowering to all famiy members and encouraging to me.
anyse
This would have many variables. The age of the children, the activity level of the TG, the "moral" teachings of the family, etc. I do not think there ever could be a yes, no answer. In my case, the boys were 17 and 22 (married). I was afraid my SO would tell them after I told her. I wanted it to come from me. They totally accepted me, much more than my SO. In most cases of young children, I would not tell them. I would insure that I did not expose them to this and put them in the place to have to hid the secret. Maybe some day these old age ideas will be over-ridden by love and logic and we can live in the open as the beautiful people that we are. Love and hugs to all. I came out three weeks ago to my SO and boys. If I can help in any way please drop me a note. Terrianne, Jacksonville, Florida.
Terrianne
Dear Jamie 123: Thanks for the compliment. A writer needs fan mail. Thye bondage and discipline aspects of the stories are there as part of the justification for the forced crossdressing, a fictional device which readers expect in such stories. Yes, I have worn many of the ensembles I have described; all of the childrens outfits described in "In Finery" as well as the uniforms, the freshman uniform, evening and bridal gowns described therein. I also wore the two ensembles described in "Finding Lady Katherine," which I wore in the school play. It's jsut such fun, isn't it? Hugs, Sofronia Anne
Sofronia Anne Strong
Passing is fun, but it doesn't always happen. I think most TV's think of it as a challenge and would not even consider hormones. Myself as a TS can never pass without hormones. Taking of hormones, for me, is the next to the last step in passing.
Like many of us say it's a mind thing. Hey that would make a good read Zin and the Art of cross dressing.
If anyone knows how to purchase mones cheaply and without the hassel of a prescription please E-Mai
me
Kate
I am really nervous, this is my first post ever!! Please forgive me for not sticking to the suggested topic. Due to a recent event in my life I am just coming to terms with myself (my fem side) and I have decided to move toward a more full expression of this side. I have never ventured in public and I would be afraid to do so. I need some help in terms of sizing, basic cosmetics, everything. Also I am over 50, is there a place for old TVs??
Enough, please forgive my going on.
Love,
Sharon
Sharon
I have just got to know of tgforum and would love to get to know new girl friends, specially if you're young full of spirit/adventurous and with love to share with a lonely tg like me, who is yet a bit confused with this passing, the changes it represents, and the cravings that hount my imagination.
Louise
Of course!
If everybody needed surgery, hormones, etc. Their would not be to many of
us going out!
Right?
Debra
Can I pass with out hormones or surgury . Yes , but not in every single
situation ( you know...some of the teanage girls will read me ) . So
to that I say so what ( if they read me ) & carry on . Have gotten some
very recent tips on cosmetics , hair , & generally the whole look to help.
I do get out now & then , & now pass pretty darn good ...but if am read,
I am shure I don't always now it ...people generally don't stand around in
a mall & point fingers.... ( just got taken out to had a nice en-femme
dinner with no problems ). I suppose it depends on the person a little as
to passing, but some claim that with the correct profesional help , just about
any TV can pass pretty good .
Jenny
Of course you can. It has been said many times, and I agree, that it is in how you present yourself. Sure, just putting on a dress and makeup will not do it. You have to get the body language right as well. Recently, I was approached to join a womens only gym! Guess I passed!
Siobhan Ellis
I have been fortunate to have a woman's muscle tone and facile features. I am also slender and have small bones and hands. On the down side I am tall, 5'10", have what I believe to be an average sized head for a man my size, and a medium beard (at 5 o'clock I have a noticeable shadow). With proper beard cover and padding (hips and breasts) I feel I pass well. People refer to me as miss or hon (older women use that phrase) and I have overheard men comment that I am pretty. I can truly behave and pass as a normal female. But I believe I would be read if I tried to establish a relationship with somebody and did not have electrolysis to remove my beard. This, to me, is the biggest problem and voice is second. I feel no matter how good a job you do on beard cover, you still look a little strange up close.
Sharon
Yes, I beleive that some of us can pass without much trouble but people
like myself have a lot of work to get to the "real look" that we really
need to pass in public.
Michelle Anne
I can barely pass. When I do pass I feel good that my handywork was well okay!
I think that passing without hormones is the greatest challange to a transgendered artist like myself.
I like kinda think that hormones are "cheating" looking at it in an artist's perspective. My dressing up is just
a different medium 4 my art. My face is just another canvas. Hence, dressing up in skirts and dresses and passing is
a mark of a true Artist. Passing is no fun if you wear andryogynous attire I, in fact a lot of people I know could pass
while wearing pants.....But what would be the fun and the point? It is clear that trannsexuals do want to pass anyway they can
because they're doing to be accepted as female. Why would a TV want to pass if they could not express themselves and have fun.
Dressing up for me is tantamont to having fun...passing makes it much more enjoyable. If I cannot pass and express myself and also have fun then I guess I would not dress..
Yolanda Linda Gonzales
I need help with MELANIE A. PHILLIPS voice technique. Has anyone found the "spot"?
I have chatted with Melanie on her home page. We are looking for those that have been
successful. Like many, I have the article, the tape and the video. I have practiced for weeks and
am not sure I am closer. I would like to hear from anyone that has used this technique and found
the results that Melanie talks about....
Thanks in advance...
Laura:-)
Laura
Yes you can. Hormones and surgery help but it is how you feel about
yourself thats the biggest factor. If you haven't fully accepted yourself no amount of hormones or
surgery will help. Some sisters have commited suiside after surgery.
We need support and acceptance but it all begins with us.
Phyllis
I agree with many and personally feel that it is you attitude that "passes", not necesarily you phyically. Confidence IS everything. Age can, and does a lot to help however. A child or teenager in appropriate clothing can pass without even a second glance and depending on the "girl" and clothes may well get more the a second glance(maybe a desired second glance?). As a 10,then again as a 14 year old,I passed extremly well(way back then) but I'll admit I had a lot of help from supportive grandparents and an Aunt. When I got married(at 20), my wife was equally supportive(but in an more intimate way). I was average height/weight(5'6" and 105#) when I was 14, but 6' and 135# when I got married. Passing wasn't even a consideration, as when I was dressed I was Jennifer with all her confidence and direction. No one questioned but many admired such a tall girl(I once had a tall GG walk up and ask where I had gotten a particular long skirt I was wearing that she had been looking for a similar style/length). We talked for a while, then her giant of a boyfriend(had to be 7') walked in! There was no questioning who or what I was(he even gave me an approving once-over with a smile). Time has changed me(phyicially) but not mentally and I feel I could still have the confidence but as it has been a long time since I have been "out" as Jenn(almost 3 years)so the level of confidence would be demanding at first. But I feel I could do it. I still wear conservative female clothing quite often while going about life as a guy, and this still requires a certain confidence in who you are as a total person. Remember the old addige, "dress for success" is an attitude so step out! When someone looks, smile and keep going. If your in public, chin up girl! and smile as you talk, it helps build and convey your confidence.
Jennifer
Jennifer
Dear sisters,
On the stated topic, I think that there are a few very lucky ones who can pass
without such aids, but that most would need such help to pass up close. Also
many can pass at social distance if careful and clever. Then, there are unfortunates
like me, 5'11" and muscular, who don't have a chance without magic.
Does anyone know if Petticoat Pond is still functioning ? I havn't been able to connect
for a week or two. Sisterly Regards
Melissa Ann
mellisaa123
I wanted once and for all to clear the air about one subject which I seem to be drawing a great deal of flack. If you're seeking SRS, you don't necassarily have to go the entire route through two or more years of psyc therapy to get the desired surgery. If you have the money to go elsewhere, the SRS surgery is available overseas with only 90 days of psyc evaluation. I did it, with only 3 months of evaluation I'm nearing my final SRS surgery. I knew what I wanted and I didn't want to wait 2 or more years for it. Anyone who wants the info on how to get around the long wait can e-mail me for the info at RPLL91A@prodigy.com
Jamie Ritter
I think there is too much emphasis on passing.
There are many non-crossdressing men who could pass easily while there are
crossdressing men who couldn't pass no matter how much hormones or surgery they
do. The ability to pass and the desire to pass don't always correlate.
If we look like men in skirts, it's because ultimately that's what we are and that
should be OK. If we can pass then we might be able to delude ourselves for a
while that we are something else other than men in skirts and I think that says
we feel that beeing a man in a skirt is not OK and I don't think that
is healthy.
Doug in Pumps
I am a 40+ lifelong closet CD living in Vancouver BC.
I am attached and my SO does not know of my other self.
Can any of you suggest a discreet way I can contact
another bi or gay man of my age in this city to discuss
the possibility of me learning how to express my bi
feelings in a safe, secure way with a view to coming out?
I have never been with another man, so it would require
the help of someone gentle and understanding.
E-mail is preferred for now. Thanks
Tim
I agree with Elizabeth Walters. If you're goal is to pass in your heart, and you
you can do it...then you have infact passed.
Ericka
Passing....Hmmmmmm....Yes you can pass without surgery or mones. I was stoppped
at a roadblock and mammed by an officer only a foot away from my open
window. Or the salon that did my hair and invited me to join thier beauty
club for future discounts and mailings. How about when I ran into one of my
employees at the mall who looked straight at me and didn't see "me"! A good deal
of passing is your confidence. Act like you've done this all your life (I know
I have *grin*). If I am read, so what. Usually a return smile of confidence
sets everyone at ease. Huggles, Jayne Nicole
Jayne Nicole
Dear Sofronia Ann Strong,
I love your books, though you are sometimes heavier on bondage than I really like
like. Your discriptions of clothes are excellent. Have you ever made and worn any
worn any of the historical styles you discribe ? Please keep writing.
thank you Mellisa Ann
mellisa123
The simple answer is that for most of us, we can't pass without taking those extra steps -- and it isn't guaranteed that we can pass even after taking them. The question remains, what difference does it make? If you can be happy in your femme persona, even though you are "read'' by others, the question of passing becomes far less important. In the final analysis, the only one you have to "pass" with is yourself -- and you are probably your greatest critic, anyway!
Elizabeth Walters
I am a 29 y/o TS/CD and have been doing it for over 15 years. I have been going out in public for over five years and now going to straight bars. I have found that someone will always read you but what are you trying to do. I try to look like
a 29 y/o 5'10" woman. Not some streetwalker or a crazy TV! (if that is your game so be it) If you do your best, most people will either not notice or think you did a great job trying to pull it off!
I think that most of us can pass to some point. Most GG's have been getting advice on their looks for their whole lives. From the TV, friends, and family. They try different things until they find their style. We need to do the same thing.
You need either a "sister" or girlfriend to help you get your look together. If you think about it, how many real women can get dressed like a hooker and pull it off with out looking like a hooker? If you are older you need to be a bit more
moderate. If you are bigger, either taller or wider, (hey, we all are honey) you need to see what other women are wearing. That does not mean that you cant
flant it if the occasion would warrent it. I have seen some sisters that had on a great outfit but had too much make-up on or whatever. If you are trying to pass look at what the women are wearing. Dont worry too much, just have some fun and
keep a good attitude. You will be fine!!
Lots of love!
kelly
Some can pass. I once met an attractive CDer who had completed electrolysis and grown her hair long. She was traveling as a woman and passing no problem. However, for most of us, hormones and possibly cosmetic surgery are needed to be truly passable. This is especially true of us older TSs. I'm 43, full time pre-op TS. I've had extensive cosmetic surgery and been on HRT 16 months. I'm nearly done with electrolysis and I'm find I'm passing fairly well now. How do I know? Well, guys are hitting on me a lot. I guess I must not look too bad. *smile*
Amanda G.
Just about any CD can be read, for whatever reason. Most of us, if we are
honest with ourselves, have flaws that can't be covered up; perhaps, large
hands/feet, our facial features, voice, height/weight, etc. We can work on and
minimize our flaws to reduce the number of reads. To me, being read at
times is a small price to pay for the fun of being out, open, and public.
If read, just treat it as an opportunity to educate the public about who we
are, why we do what we do, and to dispel the public misconceptions about transgenderism.
Anne Casebeer, Louisville, KY.
Anne Casebeer
Sad news I just heard. Gerri Ann from the Detroit area passed away over
the weekend. Gerri was a beloved and happy person during the "Breakfast
Club" chat. Hopefully the folks living near her spouse, Diana, will
help Diana as much as possible to get through this trying time. Diana
was also a help to many SOs in the chat. Life is fragile.
Connie_1954@hotmail.com
Yes you can pass without hormones os cosmetic surgery. Its just a matter of attitude.Its all how you present yourself.l
Amanda
Maxine, sorry dear, I have no e-mail at this time, but to answer you question,it is nothing but turning on femmine charm, giving with out expecting anything in return, but out of shear love and graditude, to a woman, that lets me be me. We both work, so we share the housework. And if I am doing housework, why not in femme, and as to the catering to her, it gives me the chance to mother someone, And that fits my "T-ness", to a Tea. It all works so well, yesterday, she was asking if Tina, would be around soon, she misses her. As I said, this was with no expectations of anything in return, but what it has paid back, is a loving partner, thta encorages me to take the time I need, with out guilt for the time taking, or the money I spend, it also has gotten me gifts of Jewerly, dresses, and a wonderful Teapot, for Mothers day, I guess the trick is, if you are going to wear a dress, be the kind of person, that belongs in a dress, and at my age, motherly is passing on to grandmotherly, so maybe i should start taking up knitting.
Tina
Can people pass w/o hormones? Casually, at a distance passing, yes,
thanks to gals like Janet Reno! Intimate, face-to-face passing is
another matter except in very rare cases. People can be very observant
once their interest and curiosity is aroused. And hormones are certainly
not any guarantee in any case. Although I think they are essential in
_all_ cases of those who wish to pass on a face-to-face basis, for some
it will simply never be enough to offset the masculine keys.
tgirlmardi@aol.com
Tina,
I was reading your post of a few weeks ago where you said that you try to make sure that your wife has positive reasons to enjoy Tina's company (" if she walks in and finds Tina here,she knows, Tina will fix dinner, do laundry, and clean
house, so of course she has reason to be happy to see Tina."). This strikes me as absolutely fabulous advice! So simple and so natural and yet not nearly so obvious (to me at least)as it should seem. I'd love to hear more about this and other ideas you and your wife have settled on. Thanks for a great tip.
Maxine
Through TGF I've found the love of my life ! I'm attached to TGF since I was living
6 months fulltime.
mariejozee geleick
Well, it's kinda silly but one cool thing this year was being mistaken for a
genetic girl at a Transgender convention by another crossdresser. My girlfriend and I were in our
room
when this crossdresser came to our door accidentally. We talked for a while
and she finally introduces herself as, "So and so, a crossdresser from the
Crossdressing Convention," and asked if we knew about the convention. My girlfriend and I looked at each other and smiled.
"Um...yes. We're from the convention too," we told her. Of all places to pass. DUH!
Hugs and happy thoughts,
Revy!
My best moment was when I got professional help (a makeover!) and went out dressed. I walked down Lincoln Avenue in Chicago and logged in at a cyber cafe. Then I went to Temptations. The lesbian girls there were great and very complimentary, saying I seemed to appreciate women (oh, sister!) . We partied all night and they kept buying me drinks!! I didn't know I could look so femme!
Sally Nelson
I was with a CD friend and she talked me into going to a straight bar! It was ladies night and we did not have to pay a cover charge and got three drink tickets.
The guy at the door said, "here you go ladies, have a good time!". I was floored!!! After I went in I saw a male friend and he just gave me the "mmmm, nice" look
and nothing more. I felt very sexy!! The best was going to the ladies room and one girl said that she liked my outfit. What a great time!!!
Kelly
I was dressed for Halloween at a disco bar. A girl walk by me, took a glance at me and said with a big smile, "Not bad!" Another time, many years ago, my wife and I were driving around in our VW Bug. The cops pulled us over. I was getting ready to hand him my driver's license when he looked at us and said, " I'm sorry. We were looking for a man." I was both elated and scared at the same time!
Lorraine Kimberly Adams
One of my most pleasant experience as a TV occured just last month. My wife and
I were at a wonderful piano bar in San Francisco. I was feeling confident
and warm inside. I am usually very conscious about my chest and arms but this
night I took of my jacket and proudly showed off my short sleeve blouse! We
sipped champagne and enjoyed the music and all the elements of dressing up (make-
up, clothes, perfume, etc...) seemed to be in harmony with each other. That
there were many straight couples in the bar made the moment that much better!
Samantha
Samantha
I would have to say that once I stopped struggling with being TV,
I learned how much fun it is. I just go about my life, and when I have the
desire to cross roles, I do it without hesitation. It is a very pleasant experience.
TTFN
Ericka
I suppose the most pleasent surprise came after all the HRT therapy had begin to show results. As others have said, I too hated having such a "man's" body. The only answer was to change it until I was satisfied. With 18 months of intensived workouts, killer cramps from the HRT, and starvation diets, I think I'm finally happy with what I see. Gone were the muscles and body hair which was replaced by softer skin and a decidedly different shape. I was 46-36-48, now I'm 38C-26-38 and very happy. I just love the clothes to, don't you?
Jamie Ritter
My most pleasant surprise is how easy it is to pass as a woman. I am a crosdressing hetro male, now 38 years old. I am married and have three children. I have been venturing into public for about 5 years now. I never thought that I could pass, but in public men look at me, flirt with me, and a few have even made passes! It is so incredible to me that I can pass that I wish I had ventured into public many year earlier. Thanks for providing a great web site!
Stephanie
Being new at cross dressing, I am uncertain as to the legality of appearing in public! Living in the mid-west in a small community I dare not venture out.St. Louis or Kansas City are possibilities! Would anyone know if it is against the law in these cities?? Please let me know if you do! I'm dying to make a public appearance and see how I will be accepted! Thank you, Michelle
Michelle
I have been very lucky, I have had two occasions, that fit the question, the day I came out to my wife, her frist question was asre you gay, second was do yopu want to become a woman, and when I said no twice, the third was what size do you wear, I wound ulp whit two dresses and the most expensive loungerie, I have ever owned. I never thought that could be toped until this last Christmas, when after opening all the presents, I found that she forgot to get my male side anything for Christmas, she had, had to much fun shopping for Tina!
Tina
Last year, I had some trouble with my ATM card. The machine was in the lobby of my bank, so I went inside to see if I could make a withdrawal even though I didn't know my account number. When I asked a teller about it, they said they could make the withdrawal using my ATM card number. All I needed to do was show them my driver's licence as proof of ID. No problems.
When I handed the teller the driver's licence, she looked at it, then at me, then back at the licence. I thought I understood her confusion; I had cut my hair very short to get a job just a few weeks earlier, and in my licence my hair was really long. I was not en femme, (I have yet to be out during daylight hours as Sara) and in the picture on the licence I had a moderate amount of stubble from not shaving. Naturally she would be a little disoriented by the change in apearance.
Imagine my surprise when she timidly ventured, "Is this your wif-...Oh! nevermind." I asked to make sure I hadn't misheard. I hadn't. She thought I had picked up my wives licence by mistake, missing both name and sex on the licence because of a picture I wasn't even trying to pass in.
She made my day!
Sara
I was in a clothing store that I'd been to en-femme several times before. I was
in the changing room, trying on things when one of the salesgirls brought me a
dress that another woman had just had on, but didn't like. After I tried it on,
and I was in the hallway looking at how it fit in the mirrors, the woman who had
originally had it on came out of her dressing room, and said "That looks better
on you than it did on me". I'm sure she thought I was just another woman trying
on clothing, and it felt great.
Shannon
Hi, just a quick note. Saw a TS oriented film yesterday evening.
It is called "Different for Girls" - Der Kleine Unterschied in German. A
British film produced by the BBC so I guess it may make the US circuit. Sort of a love
story with happy ending. Ciao.
Connie_1954@hotmail.com
Hi Gals, I'll be visiting White Plains, NY next Weds& Thurs. does anybody out here know of any TG groups, bars, restaurants, etc in or near there? Write me if you have any ideas. Thanks.
Cissy B.
When I was 16, my stepmother was the cheerleader coach at an elementary
school. She told me that one of the girls she used to coach who was having some
problems. She was 14, only two years younger than me. I called her up
pretending to be "Lisa" an 11-year-old girl that my stepmother was coaching and
invited her to my house over the weekend.
Needless to say, when she came to visit and didn't know who I was. All she
knew was what "Lisa" told her about me. She kept looking for the mysterious
Lisa who of course did not exist. Finally I gave in and told her. She started
crying, but not with anger. I gently put my hand on her back. What could have
been a disaster turned out to be one of the best moments of my life.
Suzanna
My most pleasant surprise was when my wife accepted the fact that
I am a CD. In fact she buys me fem clothes or makeup when she goes
to the mall. She helps me with my makeup when I get dressed also. I
just wish sooo bad that I wasn't so masculine looking. I wish that
I could pass and be able to go out in public and never be read. If
anyone could offer help on accomplishing that goal, I would
appreciate it very much.
Joanne
The real high point in my TG life was when I came out to my boys ages 22 and 17. They were great, understanding and loving. They accepted me totally. Not the same story when I came out to my SO. Things still on the rocks. Thanks to the girls and this board I am able to help them and myself understand this rather confusing life of mine. Love to all, Terrianne, Jacksonville, Florida
Terrianne
Over the past few years as the pressures of parenting, careers, and life in
general have closed in upon my SO and myself. Our technique to deal with this
problem and to help keep us in tune with each other is to have 'date' days.
Let me explain...;)
What we do is to take a weekday the both of us can get off from work when the
children will be in school. We arrange for somone to take care of the children
at lunchtime and voila we have and uninterupted day. This could me us staying
home and snuggling, a day shopping, or just a walk in the park.
Whatever we do we have a day to spend together and we get time where both of
us are awake, aleret, and not stressed out by you day. The fact most of the
rest of the world is at work just makes the day more special. All our favourite
stores and restraunts are mostly deserted during the week. Everthing is there,
just for us...;)
Hey it may be a little selfish but you gotta' admit it does sound appealing.
In any case this small amount of 'quality' time had added a lot to our relationship.
Perhaps it will work for you too...
Jennifer Lynn
Jennifer Lynn
To all the New Hampshire friends of Carla Feldman: It is with great sadness that I report the death of my friend Carla this past week in Clarmont New Hampshire. Carla was a lifelong transgender person who was murdered in her apartment by a man who she met in a bar in Manchester, NH. Carla was a wonderful person who love life and loved the transgender lifestyle. She will be very missed and we are all saddened by her loss. The murderer was caught and is awaiting trial for capital felony murder.
Jamie Ritter
I"ve tried to dress up less as she doesn't like it when i get enfemme to much. I hope some day she will except me more for my fem side.
Dixy
My wife and I have always had a good relationship, and she excepted Tina day one, But as Tina, I have tried to see to it that she had a reason to want Tina around. Since I am the first one home at night, I get the chance to change, before she gets home, and if she walks in and finds Tina here,she knows, Tina will fix dinner, do laundry, and clean house, so of course she has reason to be happy to see Tina. The other day, as we plan a trip, she goes shopping, for a new wardrobe, and comes back empty handed, and depressed (she is dieting, and not to happy with her body right now, so shopping is hard for her),. so Tina steps in the next day after work, goes out and finds three new outfits for her, all have gotten rave reviews, and great envy of what a wonderful husband she has, from friends and co workers, none of them feel their husbands could or would do the same for them. So I guess I would have to say, what I have done, is MOTHER her as much as I can, she loves the attenion, I love getting to play the mother\wife roll, so we both are happy, and she buys me flowers, and this year a great Teapot for mothers day, It works for us.
Tina
Role reversal has been something I like to do. If gives us some idea of the other's point of view.
Acting and role playing in general is something I like to do. "Sophie's Choice" is a particular favorite
of mine.
Suzanna
How do you tell your straight, male friends...or should you NEVER do that?
alicia
Thank you for your show. You have helped me throughout my life and admire eveything you say and do. You have helped my marrage and helped me make problems work out. I hope you last forever,
your best fan.
Kay Smith
I began dating a girl in February, who was very observant; she found out immediately that I am TG.
Her response was one of acceptance. Since then, I have dated only women who could not only accept
me as both Elayne AND her male counterpart, but embrace the whole idea as well. After that first
relationship with 'Cas', I was moved to disclose immediately; I feel that if they can't accept me as
I am, then the relationship just won't work. This type of honesty, and shared 'secrets', seem to
create the type of bond necessary for a close relationship- at least in my case. But to answer the question
specifically- being open and honest at the beginning, or as soon as possible, helps immensely.
Take care, and email me if you like.
Elayne
Elayne Wylie
The thing that improved my relationship with my wife was we got a divorce
She coundn't take the fact I was T* so she left. Now she is back and wants to make a go of it
She claimes now she can deal with Phyllis. She has gone out with the girls
and enjoyes their company. She asks me to help her with makeup & wardrobe.
She is becoming a good friend. only time will tell as I still have some of the hurts
I have to get over. HUGS
Phyllis
The final program for the 1997 SPICE (Spouses and Partners International
Conference for Education) can be found at http://www.pmpub.com/spice.htm.
Bring your partner to SPICE July 16-20, 1997 in Ontario, California and
enrich your relationship with your partner and perhaps she will from
the experience move toward understanding and acceptance of your
crossdressing. SPICE is sponsored by Tri-Ess, IFGE and many of the
worldwide gender organizations.
and
Melanie Rudd