Transsexual Plans To Fight Custody Ruling

She Contends Her Sons Need Her

By Tim Bryant
Of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch Staff
A father who underwent a sex change and lost custody of two sons in the process says the boys should still have a relationship with the parent they will always know as Dad.

"There are things only a parent can provide," said the father, now known as Sharon, in a recent interview.

"That is unconditional love, guidance and wisdom. There is no reason I can't give that to my kids."

Sharon, who has had no direct contact with the boys since late 1992, said that the children - now 7 and 10 - needed both their parents. She plans to ask the Missouri Court of Appeals in St. Louis to reconsider its decision March 11 giving the boys' mother sole legal custody.

Hundreds of battles similar to Sharon's are waged nationwide each year, but nearly all are fought outside public view, a national advocate for transsexuals said.

"Most cases don't display the courage of Sharon, who was willing to go public," said Riki Anne Wilchins, executive director of Gender Public Advocacy Coalition, or Gender PAC, in New York.

"Most people are quiet and well-behaved. Any attempt to go public is portrayed as unstable behavior. A lot of these cases are decided quietly." Even so, such custody battles are seldom conducted "on a level playing field," she said.

"Usually, the preferred mode of attack is to portray the transgender parent as, by definition, deviant and an endangerment to their own kids, even in the absence of any evidence to support the claim."

In Sharon's case, the appeals court in St. Louis ruled that a St. Charles County Circuit Court judge must decide whether visits with Sharon would be in the boys' best interest. The appeals ruling overturned a joint-custody decision by another judge in St. Charles County in 1995.

"This is a unique situation, and it is imperative that evaluations of the parents and children are made prior to the children's face-to-face reunification with (their) father," wrote Judge Paul Simon. The boys' mother lives in St. Charles County. Sharon lives in suburban Washington.

"If you asked them, I know they would want to talk with me," Sharon said, referring to her sons. "I have never, ever presented myself to my children as anything other than their dad. I do not need my children's validation of myself as a woman."

Reconciliation Plan

Sharon acknowledged last week that both boys would need counseling before they could resume a relationship with their father. Sharon said her original plan for reconciliation with her sons called for phone calls and counseling leading up to visits.

But she added: "There is very little I can't do with my kids today. All I want to do is be involved in their lives. "I know they would recognize me as their dad. I would never do anything that would harm them. I just can't believe that them seeing me as a woman could distort their sense of reality."

(At the mother's request, the appeals court decided last year to use initials in identifying the parents. In Post-Dispatch stories, the paper used Karen as a pseudonym for the mother, also at her request, to protect the children's privacy.)

Sharon, 38, is a graduate of the Air Force Academy and a former officer in the Air Force and Army. She describes herself as "squeaky clean" and an evangelical Christian.

Sharon and Karen met in a Bible study group in a town near the Air Force base in Missouri, where Sharon, who was a man at the time, was stationed. The couple married in 1983.

Karen has said the couple's relationship was always strained. In 1991, the father refused to go with his family to visit Karen's relatives. When Karen and the boys returned three weeks later, the father told Karen that he had spent the time living as a woman.

The couple separated in 1992. Sharon underwent a hair transplant, electrolysis, hormone treatments and psychotherapy. Karen filed for divorce. The father underwent sex-change surgery 71 days before the divorce trial.

Sharon and Karen were divorced in St. Charles County in 1995. A judge there had given Karen primary custody of the boys but allowed Sharon unsupervised visits for two weeks in the summer and on alternate holidays.

Sharon never got to visit the boys. Karen's court petitions indicate that she believed visits would harm the children.

Boys Have Seen A Picture

The boys have seen a photocopy of a picture of Sharon taken after her sex-change operation, Sharon said.

"I believe they still want to see me," she added. "I'm the same person. I'm better now because something with which I had been struggling has been treated, and I'm over it now. These children aren't going to look at me and keel over dead."

Many people misunderstand gender dysphoria, or gender identity disorder, in which a person believes his or her anatomy and true gender are a mismatch.

Transsexuals believe that their true gender is imprisoned in the body of the other gender. They regard their genitals with repugnance.

It is estimated that 6,000 to 11,000 people have undergone sex-change surgery.

"This is a medical condition; there is nothing moral or immoral about it," said Sharon, adding that she was not a cross between "Uncle Miltie and Dennis Rodman."

"I'm a person with high moral standards," she said. "I'm an intelligent person."

Gender PAC submitted a brief in favor of Sharon in her appeals case. The recently formed group is a coalition of about a dozen organizations, including the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Wilchins said Gender PAC pushed in Congress for the rights of transgender people and might consider a similar lobbying effort before the Missouri Legislature. On a personal level, Sharon said she was disappointed by the opposition to her having a relationship with her sons.

"People who don't even know me have reacted emotionally to my situation and are patting themselves on the back and thinking they are doing good," she said.

"I love my kids. That's really what this is about."

Submitted by Renee White

Transgender Activst (Under Construction)
St Louis, Mo


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