My First Time
Sugar and Spice: The Awakening of Revana
By Revana Rose
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A
t 6:00 in the morning young children are supposed to be in bed dreaming
about ice cream sandwiches, Saturday morning cartoons, new Tonka trucks
and Barbie dolls.
Today would be different.
"Get up!" Kelly insisted as she tore my warm, soft blankets away from atop my
young, five year-old, pajama-covered body. Amidst the cold and confusion that
hit me, I did as she ordered. She was my older half-sister after all, and my
little sister and I were taught to obey our older siblings. As I looked over
to my left, I saw my older half-brother, Freddie, doing the same thing to my
little sister Tina.
"What's going on?" we asked, still half asleep. "Is there a fire? Another
earthquake? Did the ice cream truck come really early today?" She ignored
the questions.
"Raise your arms up!" she told me. "Like I'm a robber and I'm robbing you."
She created little pistols out of her hands. "Stick `em up!" I played
along, my hands reaching for the sky. Little did I know that she was about
to truly rob me. She'd rob me of the gender I was accustomed to. With my
hands in the air, one of Kelly's blouses, a white one with puffy
short-sleeves, found its way over my head, my arms guided through the
sleeves. Next came a flower print skirt that I was made to step into which
was pulled up around my waist. I was being dressed in my older sister's
clothes -- dressed as a girl! I watched helplessly as Tina was assisted in
getting into Freddy's baggy (for her) pants and a T-shirt which was so large
on her that a pillow was stuffed underneath to fill it out.
We were being cross-dressed. As a joke, the result of two bored older
siblings, we became nothing more than playthings for them. As a final
assault to my boy-ness, a little girl's wig was placed on top of my head
giving me very unmasculine-looking curls, thus completing the disguise
from head to toe.
My heart raced. A little voice inside reminded me of that which society had
already taught me by this early age. "Whoa, hold on kiddo!" it yelled at me.
"You're a boy. You aren't supposed to do anything girlish. Especially wearing
girls' clothes. Fight back! A real boy would resist them!"
I started to resist their efforts to keep me this way. Then it hit me.
Another voice breaking through the Voice of Society. It was softer, coming
from inside. It whispered sweetly into my ears, "You know that you're
supposed to hate this, but what are you really feeling? Being made into a
girl feels kinda good, doesn't it? You bet it does! You don't have to admit
it to them, just admit it to yourself. Let them win. You know you want to."
I did like it. I loved it! I pretended that I didn't though, and kept the
secret to myself. Putting up a little fuss for show, I'd fight society's
norms and let it happen. I'd let them turn me into a girl.
In the end, Tina as my "brother" and I as "his sister" were placed
side-by-side and a picture was snapped on an old camera with a disposable
cube for a flashbulb. Caught on film was my first taste of femininity. And
the taste? It was Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice.
Little Revy was born.
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