Ramblin' Rose

The Obligatory Passing Column

By Brittany Rose


How important is passing? I'd say pretty important. Not only does passing fulfill our delight and desire by actually being accepted as a woman, but the better we pass, the less potential there is for teasing, harassment, or the extremely painful, "Hey, fella, your slip is showing."

Let's face it, none of us want to look like "Bubba in a dress." Do I pass? It's not a yes or no question.

There are at least three different levels of passing. First is the "Off in the Distance." If someone sees me at a great distance, I pass. An observer's mind would pick up, "feminine outline, long hair, skirt, must be female." To pass at this level you need female clothing, and a female stance, or gait. (even at this level, the scratch, tug, or stomp will still give you away).

Second, the "Innocent Bystander." If someone glances in my direction, or sees me without interacting with me, do I pass? At this point the look has to be realistic, with appropriate clothing and gestures. Most of the time, I think I pass at this level. This isn't easy for me, since I'm 6'4".

Fortunately, most of my height is in my legs so when I am sitting, I'm about the same height as my 5'6" SO. (On one of my first outings to a restaurant, no one reacted to me until I stood up, and a little girl who hadn't noticed me before almost fell out of her chair.)

Finally, there is the ultimate, the "Up Close and Personal." You have to have the look just right, the mannerisms set, and the female voice, which is for many of us, the most difficult part. Do I succeed? I think so, sometimes, but I really don't know for sure, because most of the time people are very polite.

I can't count the times that I have been out, and after we've left the restaurant or store, I want to go back to the waitress or clerk and say, "I'm really a man, could you tell? Oh, you could? Well, could you just fill out this questionnaire on what I need to improve? That's okay, I'll wait."

Actually, until I started dressing, a very recent occurrence, I looked in the mirror, and saw a fairly masculine fellow -- 6'4", nice coat of fur, features no one would call delicate, and I figured I had no chance to pass whatsoever. But with the help of a makeover specialist, and the loving willingness of my SO, I've been out several times with surprising success. My peak moment was on Halloween when I heard a table at the restaurant debating my gender and one person said, "She has to be a woman, she's too pretty!"

So if you want to go out, but you're worried about whether or not you pass, here are my two cents (one of which I borrowed). First, don't sell yourself short. I figured I would never pass, and I wasted an incredible chunk of my life not even trying. Second, get advice.Brittany Rose

My SO did my makeup the first couple of times, but it wasn't till I had a professional makeover that all of the possibilities became apparent. Support groups or other experienced T's can make a world of difference. Finally, realize that passing may not be as important as you think it is.

I told a friend once that I was envious of another T that was petite, pretty, and very passable. My friend said, "She gets read, everybody gets read, one time or another. If your goal is to always pass, you'll never make it. But if you want to be feminine and attractive, so that when you get read, the women say, he really looks good, and the men say, if I was going to dress like a woman, I'd want to look like that -- now that is always possible!"


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