Comes out at IFGE

Debut on the Queen

By Kathleen


This little story is dedicated to all of my dear friends at TGF who have given me so much love and support over the past year. In particular, I would like to thank my special friends who have helped me through a most trying two week period that ended last Saturday April 19. Without your support the following story would not have occurred. I love you all.

The decision was now made. It was Thursday night and I was now driving home having left my friends aboard the Queen Mary in Long Beach, the site of this year's IFGE California Unity. I had spent the entire afternoon taking part in the conference activities. Actually, just a few days earlier I had not even intended to visit the conference though it was a mere thirty miles from where I lived.

Several girls from TGF were traveling all the way to Long Beach to attend. Danielle Cox was traveling across the country from Florida. RenoDana was traveling from near Reno, Nevada. Revy was traveling with her girlfriend Jennifer from San Bernardino, California.

They were all excited about attending the conference and wanted very much to meet me in person. I did not want to meet anyone as I feared rejection. I was apprehensive about meeting my friends for two major reasons. First of all, I was afraid that I would not be able to live up to the lively articulate image that I had built up through the many hours of chat. I was sure that the typed words on the computer screen would conjure up a totally different image of me from the plain person that I was in true life. Secondly, as I had not disclosed my crossdressing to my girlfriend of many years I would not be able to present myself physically as a woman. That I felt would have been unfair to my friends who have worked hard over the years to perfect their presentations.

Danielle, Revy and Dana along with my many friends on the chatline convinced me that I should just come and be myself. My physical appearance was secondary. Suddenly now due to a strange string of coincidences over the past two weeks, I was suddenly "discovered" by my girlfriend on the Monday of the conference week. I was suddenly out of the closet. With this strange set of circumstances and the support of all of my friends, I realized that the opportunity to make Kathleen's debut was now being presented to me. So unless my girlfriend somehow changed my plans, Saturday was going to be the big day. Of course, nothing came up to spoil fate.

I awoke Saturday morning not knowing what the day would bring. My goal that day was to completely shave off all of my facial hair for the first time in sixteen years, get a complete professional makeover, and purchase a wig. I would let circumstances dictate the rest of my day.

As I packed away some clothes I came to the ugly realization that little things that didn't matter in the privacy of my own home would now make major differences in public. I discovered that I had many gaps in my wardrobe and lacked the necessary accessories. I packed away my only pair of high heels that would afford enough comfort to walk in for any appreciable period of time knowing that the light cream color was not correct for my outfits. I packed my only evening gown just in case I decided to attend the banquet that night. Like most ladies I kept changing my mind not being able to decide what to wear. I realized that it was now getting late and the day was flying by rapidly.

At precisely eleven o'clock I stood alone in front of the mirror with razor in hand staring at my face. In sixteen years neither my girlfriend nor my work associates have seen me without some form of facial hair.

This has been a contentious issue with my girlfriend and I during the past two years. She would vehemently disagree when I mentioned that I had wanted to shave, not realizing my true motive. I drew a deep breath, quietly asked my girlfriend for her forgiveness, and went to work. The entire task took less than three minutes. I looked in the mirror and stared back at a face I had not seen since my college years. I put on my panties, pantyhose, a femme top and male pants and walked out the door. I drove to the Queen Mary once more.

Makeover

At the exhibit hall I walked over to The Hidden Woman booth and said, "Leona, let's do it!" She replied back so gently, "Sure honey. You are going to be beautiful." Leona quickly and efficiently practiced her art. I could not see what she was doing, but as she progressed she kept telling me how beautiful I looked.

She explained everything sh e was doing for my future knowledge while Carly, her assistant wrote down notes. Leona then picked out a long, black, wavy wig. Now for the moment of truth. She brought me a mirror. I gazed into the mirror and saw a beautiful woman looking back at me. I gazed at this stranger in the mirror. She bore no resemblance to either my male self or any of my female relatives. I stared at my image with very ambivalent feelings. I never liked my appearance as a guy. I knew all along that I would probably not like my appearance as a woman either, but this was it. No more dreaming. Claudia Schiffer I would never be. I guess what mattered was what others thought. Even famous makeup artist Jim Bridges commented on what a nice job Leona had done on me. Revy stopped by the booth and saw me sitting there. She smiled, but she did not know who I was! When Carly told her who I was her eyes widen and her mouth dropped. "Kathleen is that you? You look fantastic!" I then noticed SheriGwen and Danielle entering the exhibit hall. Our eyes met from across the room, but they did not recognize me either! Several minutes later as I walked across the room Sheri noticed my guy pants and shoes and pieced the situation together.

I played a game on several of the people that I met on Thursday. I reintroduced myself t o them and asked them if they remembered our conversations. They looked at my name tag and said nervously, "Of course, Kathleen" knowing full well that they did not know who I was. Carly took me outside to take some pictures of me to show Dana. I was sad that Dana had left town the previous day. She was one my biggest supporters who enabled me to not only attend the conference, but decide to go through with my debut.

Danielle graciously took me up to her room so that I could change into my femme clothes and return back to the conference. I had felt so nervous and out of place on Thursday "crossdressed" in drab among all of the ladies. Everything now felt so natural. I felt so wonderful sitting there listening to Dr. Richard Docter's lecture with all of the other beautiful ladies.

After the lecture I went to Danielle's room where we sat around relaxing and discussing our personal lives. Danielle is quite a remarkable person who I have grown to admire. Prior to the conference I only knew her through a few occasional comments and her pictures in the chatroom. I might partially attribute some of my personal insecurities to gender conflicts. What I discovered in Danielle, however, was a complete person who was capable of carrying herself very confidently in either her male or female role.

With the exception of clothes and makeup she appears exactly the same in male form. Her hair is naturally long, she wears earrings and has her nails prepared in a French manicure. She is a highly regarded professional in the computer field. The only word to describe a successful person like this who is able to carry herself with confidence and yet not intimidate others is charisma.

The time was now approaching seven o'clock and it was now time to change into our evening wear. I needed to go down to my car to retrieve my long dress. As I walked through the hallway I suddenly realized that I was now all alone, dressed in public for the first time. I tried to keep my head up and walk and behave as ladylike as I knew how. I entered the hotel lobby and began to encounter more people. So far so good. It didn't seem like anyone obviously read me.

In The World

The only way out of the lobby and out of the ship was by elevator. When the elevator door opened there were already about six people in the car. No one flinched. I guess the people in the hotel had already seen several crossdressed ladies so it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't until I walked across the parking lot that I began to run across people who were not hotel guests. I calmly walked several hundred feet to my car, but I could now detect out of the corner of my eye people staring my way.

My goodness I thought, just a couple of hours ago I had never dressed for anyone and now I was walking outside in the daylight and getting read! I would have lost my nerve just a few weeks ago, but something magical had been happening the past two weeks and nothing seemed to bother me as I knew destiny was guiding me.

I returned to Danielle's room and got dressed in my best red evening gown. Now for the first time I was all dressed up with somewhere to go! Sheri, her friend Loren, Danielle and I proceeded to an empty cocktail lounge with a piano. There we had the opportunity to take many glamour photos.

We then proceeded to the banquet room. It was quite a bizarre scene. We all wondered "when did this bus arrive?" The people in attendance ranged from elegantly dressed ladies, to drag queens, TG admirers, gay male couples and hotel guests checking out the spectacle. We were all given corsages. I fidgeted with it not knowing how to pin it on. Sadly I realized that not only had I never pinned a corsage on myself, I had never in my life pinned one on another lady either. I found the atmosphere very interesting. This was a lively banquet with the room filled with elegant ladies, but no gentlemen in suits. The ladies ruled the evening!

We did not wait until the finish of the awards ceremony. We had made plans to travel to the famous Queen Mary club in Studio City which was over forty miles away. I had heard about the club and had always wanted to go, but being so far from my home and not being able to dress up until now I never had the opportunity.

The club was very crowded and smoky. It appeared to be a very mixed crowd. Most people were there to watch the famous female impersonators show. Many ordinary people were there out of curiosity to watch both the show and the crossdressed crowd. It was all quite interesting. I had never seen any show quite like it. One by one our party left the showroom and went off to the dance room. Suddenly I realized that I was sitting there at the table alone with several vacant tables around me. I hurriedly finished my drink and left lest some man approach me. I didn't need to deal with that on my first night out.

I entered the dance room and to my surprise there was Revy and Danielle taking turns getting up on a tiny stage dancing away hanging off of a pole! We later found out that this was the first time Danielle had ever gone dancing. She had never previously danced in male mode let alone dancing solo hanging from a pole! Suddenly the music stopped and the lights went on. It was now two AM and time for the club to close.

We were having such a good time and didn't want our evening to end. We were all getting a bit hungry and someone mentioned finding a place to grab a bite to eat. We found an all-night delicatessen. It was rather crowded for such a late hour. There were well over a hundred people sitting in the large, well-lit dining room. I had had so much fun being Kathleen for the first time in my life that I had totally lost any fear that I may have had. Reality soon struck me.

Read Big Time

As we were waiting to be seated a young man confronted us. "Hey! What the hell's going on here? You aren't girls! Why are you guys dressed like girls?"

Jennifer angrily turned on the fellow and asked him who wasn't a lady. He replied, "Okay, you're a girl. But, YOU guys. You're not girls. What the hell's going on here?" As we walked off he yelled, "Did you guys just get done doing a show?" As we passed the numerous tables I noticed that many had stopped what they were doing and were now looking at us. Some had stunned expressions with jaws dropped. I thought, "Oh my God. What have I gotten myself into?" We had been read big time.

How was this possible? I suddenly realized that it was highly unlikely that anyone would be able to read us individually, but an entourage of five TGs and a GG walking into a crowded deli dressed to the nines would definitely call attention. As we sat there I noticed several people eyeing us warily and talking among themselves.

Although this was my first day dressed and getting read is a newbie's worst nightmare, I somehow knew that I should take this in stride. Okay, I've been read. I needed to make the best of the situation, act dignified and just enjoy the company of my friends. We sat there for about an hour enjoying our meal and conversation and then it was time to leave.

Revy, who was seated across from me decided to go outside first for some fresh air. There was a group of men seated at a table behind her. Revy was wearing a nice short dress and I am not sure whether so wore hip enhancements. I watched one guy eyeing her as he sipped on his coke. When she stood up he totally lost it and spit his coke out across the table. He had read Revy earlier as a guy, but he just couldn't believe that she could have such a cute womanly behind.

I thought, "Oh, oh. How are we going to get out of here?" The rest of our party then stood up to leave. Now it was time to run the gauntlet. As we strode across the dining room we heard a few comments which progressed into catcalls which crescendoed into loud hooting, cheering and clapping. I said to myself, "Okay Kath. Keep your head up and relax, after all you asked for this." Having escaped the crowd we were now outside in the cool night air. A car with two girls in it stopped next to us. The girl on the passenger side commented, "You really look good girls!" I'm not sure whether it was a compliment or not.

It was a quiet ride back to Long Beach. While everyone slept I kept thinking about what had happened. I kept asking myself why were people so cruel. We dressed and behaved like ladies. Why couldn't we just be left alone? The transgendered community has a long way to go before they gain total acceptance.

Although I have become a more tolerant person since I became aware of my transgendered condition, I resolved at that moment that I would never again judge others who happen to be different. In fact, I resolved to step in and defend someone if that should ever become necessary. In discussing this incident with the other four girls in the next few days perhaps I misinterpreted the crowd. The other girls enjoyed it and felt that the crowd loved us and that is why they were cheering. Perhaps a group of biker guys in a beer bar would have had a different reaction.

It was four AM when we finally returned to the Queen Mary in Long Beach. There was no one in sight at this late hour. We each quietly returned to our rooms. Danielle asked me whether I wanted to change back into male garb before driving home. I said no, I needed to complete the entire day. I quickly packed my clothes in my bag and gave Danielle a gentle hug. I got in my car and began the thirty mile drive home. Just a few days earlier I didn't believe that I would ever drive my car dressed en femme, but here I was. I quietly reflected on the events of the day. It will probably be the most memorable day in my life. Yesterday I was a closet crossdresser. Today I had lived the experience of a month in just one short day. What made it so special too was coming out with the support of my friends and all of the other supportive ladies.

Pumpkin Time

It was four forty-five when I finally pulled into the parking lot. I was too tired to bother changing shoes. Besides I needed to end this night right. I had to walk past several of my neighbors' windows to get to my place. All that could be heard at that very quiet time of the morning was the distinct clicking of a lady's high heels. I walked into my place, dropped my bags and looked in the mirror. There was now a very distinct beard shadow as I had not shaved in almost a day. My eyeliner was a terrible mess and my hair wild. No wonder I got read. Oh well, not bad for a first try. I washed off my makeup and before turning off the lights I gave one last thanks to my special friends Danielle, Sheri, Revy, Dana and all of the other supportive friends at TGF that made this day possible.

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