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Dear Rachael,




Got something on your mind? Would you like to talk it over with Rachael?
Drop a line to Rachael and she'll help you as much as she can.

I
am "T" something I guess, but not sure what. I am in the closet partly because I am scared to death of coming out. I do like to dress and do so frequently in the privacy of my home. This is very sexually arousing for me. After ejaculation though, there are often deep feelings of guilt and the desire to be female is temporarily gone.

If I were to live with someone, I would like her to be a genetic girl. While anatomically I am very male there are times when I feel as though I may be lesbian and trapped in a male body. Does any of this make sense? Did I provide any of the answers you were looking for? Cheryl H.

D
ear Cheryl:

Does it make sense? Oh Hon, it sure does. I used to feel so guilty, ashamed, etc. it would cause me to purge, throw away all of my acquired things and avow never to do that terrible thing again . . . circa 1964.

Of course that did not work and I was back to doing the same thing; ergo, witness the life of each TV, TG! We are or were all in the same boat. Yes, I was raised to believe that a woman was a natural sex partner . . . only difference was that I wanted to be a female too! Ergo, I consider myself a lesbian . . . but sometimes wonder what it would be like to be otherwise. Plain and simple though, I like women much better (generally) than men! I like the Rachael (me) far better than the male self (the mistake). I have, as you, learned to succeed as a genetic male, but now recognize it would have been far better (minus sex Discrimination) to have done it as a woman. But alas, this was the hand that I was dealt.

My purpose for proposing what I did, i.e., the need to have a place where TVs, TSs, TGs can go to live was to: 1) provide a social environment; 2) Offer a supportive environment and alternative to those stuck in an unproductive or unrewarding relationship and 3) To see the interest in forming a group to do just that! No, I am not out to get rich or even make money . . . it is just a love of labor that makes me and my SO inquire!

Rachael

D
ear Rachael,

I know that you would prefer to talk to those who are TG,TS, Pre- and Post-Op but my concern is that I am a typical CD and I do not really have any support for my dressing. Yes, there are some CD's in my area but it seems that I have to try and get my own transportation, being partially handicapped does not help.

I have tried to make myself known but it is to no avail. My soul seems tormented in what to do next and I really use all of the support and help I can get. I think that if I could get some help I could be very passable.

D
ear Tormented:

If there is a group in your area, there is also probably someone who is also willing to talk to you and maybe even supply transportation. Look, you found an audience here! We are all around. Just keep looking here, there and everywhere. First, let the nice person that you are show though.

Don't act like a victim! We are all victims in one way or another; we are all winners too! Let the winner side outshine all of your problems! Easier said than done? Yes. Seek the professional help to accomplish this, if that is what it takes

D
ear Rachael:

Hi. I've been a subscriber to the forum here for about six months. I'm 32 years young and have desired to be a woman even before realizing the differences. People can see that I am femme, but I'm not completely out, that is I haven't been out in dress. I keep my nails well manicured, and pluck my eyebrows within reasonable limits of obvious. I shave regularly and am seriously considering electrolysis. I do my own makeup and hair but I'm generally unhappy with the results. I'm sure that hormone therapy, if I'm lucky enough to get started, will help change this. I hope to send a photo to share with everyone real soon.

There was a period in my life when I did nothing but struggle with the issues of my identity. Yes indeed, I was definitely homophobic; I shunned anything that was not considered normal for my given gender. Of course, most of us can relate to how debilitating this can be. Somewhere during the course of it all I developed schizophrenia.

Well, at least that's what the doctors seemed to think. I don't have a therapist, only a semi-regular psychiatrist that prescribes my medication. I'd really like to have one, as there are many things that make me uncomfortable. The big issue here is that I need to find a doctor that can work with or around my schizophrenia; the expense of two doctors would be very limiting. I don't want to sacrifice much quality for cost in my search, and in this case I want someone who can provide the needed therapy with the medication I'm taking. All in all, I don't know much about selecting a therapist on many other bases besides affordability and perceived integrity. My deepest fear is that my schizophrenia will keep me from all the benefits of hormone therapy and SRS. Rebecca

D
ear Rebecca:

Hello Dear! You do have a heavy question. It is really bigger than I am.

I suspect that your schizophrenia need not be all that bad if YOU REALLY follow the doctor's orders. You seem to be pretty much on board and not manic. But I am not the doctor! The only thing I can relate to is severe depression that almost caused me to take my life. My shrink saved me, but I obeyed the doctor, even though I did not like the affects of the medicine. I'm free and clear now; you may have to take antidepressants all of your life. That's okay! Just do it and don't stop when you feel well . . . cause you will feel that you can . . . and you cannot. TRUST ME! And do not compromise your well being just to get on SRS. Rachael

D
ear Rachael:

I don't know if I'm talking to the right person, but I am interested in male to female hormone change. Can you suggest me to someone? Roberta

D
ear Roberta:

The Benjamin Standards and Care rules require a psychiatrist see you for period of time (usually 3 mos.) before you will be prescribed hormones. Tell me more about yourself . . . Rachael

Roberta's response . . .

You do not know how good I feel knowing I finally found someone that I can share some of my inner feelings with. The little you told me about you sounds a little like me. To tell you the inner feeling and thoughts about myself is a long story, so I will keep it short.

It started when I was a small child. I always wanted to a female and I didn't know why. I dressed up in female close and as I got a little older I started with wearing bras and looking at naked women pictures a lot. I always dream of being a female. My dreams are some one else puts me to sleep and they change me into a female and when I wake up I have a beautiful body. I still dream like that and I am almost 40 years old. When I got to be a teenager I was very shy to females and afraid to ask them out. Once I had sex with them it got worse. I had to play with myself all the time and look at pictures of naked females. As I got older I got married. I think for the wrong reason, and that didn't last. Now I am not gay in any way for other guys, but I love to watch lesbians play with each other. I know I am a sick person, but it seems like I cannot help it. I got the Internet now and I am not to good on it but it opened up a new door to my life.

A man can turn into a female. So about the last year I have been looking into it and I came up with Transformation out of Kingdom City, UK. They have a web site I put hours into. They have weak hormone treatments and breast creams to develop breast, and I got real excited over that and bought some. I am growing a small set of breasts now.

After a couple months of that I wanted to try some femglow witch is a mild female hormone along with some anti-angoles which freezes the male hormones. I have been doing that about 3 months now and the only difference I see is my hair is getting blonder. To get the right hormone treatment I need a prescription from a doctor, and I live in a small town where there is nothing like that to be found here and the large cites are over 3 hours away and I still don't know who to see. I guess If I new of a doctor I would see one.

The other problem I have is money. I do not have much. My goal now is to feel like a female and to grow a small set of breasts that are not too noticeable I do have friends and family and they would freak out if they new the real me. I know I have a problem. Do you have any advice? I really would like to get my hormone level up so I feel like a female. I have done some reading and this is not just a fast thought. I have been like this and thinking like this for over 30 years. I know I'm sick. As a personality I get a long fine with other people and care for other people. I'm not to smart but I get through life.

D
ear Roberta:

I think you need to drive the three hours to find a Psychiatrist or Gender Counselor to help you. I do not think you are sick . . . confused, yes! Sick, no! You want to be a little like a woman (don't want it to show too much?). It does not work this way! You may have a sexual identity problem. I cannot tell. You kind of sound like you believe women are other than human, less than human or sex objects? I cannot tell if this is envy or hostility. Only a doctor can, with time, help you through this. Money is an issue, but perhaps you are eligible for assistance through your employment or public assistance agencies. Run don't walk!

D
ear Rachael,

Just wanted to answer your questions posted in Friends. 1.) I prefer other contact with TG / TS friends. 2.) Would like to live with a supportive SO or another TV. 3.) Like question 2, prefer to live with another TV. Not sure if this is to late, but there are my answers. Drop me a line if need clarifications. Jenny

D
ear Rachael:

Here are my answers to your comments. I am MTF TV. 1. I was very much a loner and in a closet all my life. I have recently come out have a supportive S.O. to share with and would never ever go back in there again! Social contact with other TG's is a definite need.

2.Although I enjoy the company of both men and women, I would prefer to live with a woman (already do). I consider myself to be bi.

3. I (we)would love to live with another TG in shared housing (if financially stable) and would love to see a roommate matching service dedicated to our community.

Hope this helps. Charlene

D
ear Jenny and Charlene:

Thank you so much for responding to my inquiry regarding "being interested in participating in shared housing" with other TVs, TSs and/or TGs. Actually, few people responded to my query in "Friends" and this is not as great as I supposed. I intend to synthesize all this together in a SPECIAL article after more time has elapsed.

D
ear Rachael:

I was a little confused reading your last column the week of August 18th. If you were writing to yourself I am under the impression that you lived in Phoenix Arizona and now possibly moving to or living in Yuma or Tucson, Arizona. Am I correct in this assumption? I am a member of Alpha Zeta, the Tri-Ess chapter out of Phoenix. Let me know if you don't mind telling me. sincerely, Lorraine Kimberly Adams

D
ear Kimberly:

You were confused? Well, I wrote it and I was confused. Part of the problem was that I should have identified that I was responding to another person with a similar name; part of the problem was the "over-use" of Drop-Capitals in the article. Although Cindy's editor is not infallible, I am! . . . don't I wish!!!!! Thanks for you comment and I am sharing your wonderful information.


Got something on your mind? Would you like to talk it over with Rachael?
Drop a line to Rachael and she'll help you as much as she can.