By Angela Gardner

Calling all crossdressers! Calling all crossdressers! Gather round the monitor screen, The Diva is on the air! It's June and I still haven't worked on my tan. Not a tan from the sun, since The Diva has no desire to end up a prematurely wrinkled diva. No I'm talking about that wonderful tan that comes in a bottle. Unfortunately, the sun tan is easy since you just lie there and look beautiful, but the bottle tan - like most other glamour activities - takes too darn much work. Work! Exfoliation, (which is not accomplished with Agent Orange) moisturizing and then standing around naked while it dries. Oh, the pain of it all. I just may waver and go out for a few rays.

If I do waver it may be during the 2nd International Congress on Sex & Gender Issues this week at the Park Ridge hotel in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. It starts on the 19th with registration and a cocktail party and then gets seriously going on Friday with Plenary sessions and all those other conference type things like workshops and seminars, breakout rooms and stuff. You're nothin' if you ain't got stuff. See the whole schedule on the Renaissance website. It's fairly late to register but if you send email to the registrar (gosh, that's me) and promise to pay at the door they just might let you in. It's not just for eggheads, the average transgendered person will learn a lot. I hear tell that the company that makes that laser hair removal system will be there. I'm going to try and talk them into giving me a sample zap or two. Then I'll head out to the pool to catch those sun rays. That should lead to all sorts of complications involving lengthy visits to the dermatologist. Ouch!

Pride Goeth Before The Fall

I trekked on out in the sun last weekend to attend the Philadelphia Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TG (add whatever other initials you find appropriate) Day festivities. I took care to mooch some sun block from the Bisexuals booth and strolled around the festival site to check it all out. There were bands, some drag queens on stage, food, local celebs, lots of gay guys with their shirts off, and lesbians with tattoos. I couldn't help but wonder what the fella in nothing but black leather straps was gonna look like the next day. Anyhow, I wondered around and around and was somewhat disappointed to not see that many people in drag. There were a few very "drag queen" ladies showing it proud, but not that many garden variety crossdressers. In fact I thought I was the only one. (Not that I'm in anyway ordinary, mind you.) I found out after the fact that another girl I know did show up, but it's a tribute to the crowd size that we never saw each other.

I had been lured to the event by the promise of Lypsynka and other NYC queens performing live on stage as they were taped for an upcoming show on HBO called Drag In America. No word on when it will appear on your cable TV but in any event I never saw them. I wasn't feeling well when I went out and after all that walking (I had to park several blocks way) those sensible open toes shoes were eating the back of my heels. I actually went home and took a nap... with band aids on my aggravated heels. Gasp! The Diva is exposed as an old fogey. Film at 11.

Lexona

Check the HBO website for scheduling info on the film and while you're there check out a page they call III am. Under the section labeled Lifestyle they have a few drag queens and "changes," as the girls say. One of the ladies there is Raven O, one of the girls who worked Times Square with me back when we worked for Ab Fab. Another girl there talks about going to the club to "work." I suspect the club she's talking about is Edelweiss and she's one of the girls who brought the vice squad in for a shut down raid.

Wit At-E-Tood

In Philadelphia the accent is such that the header for this segment, while written, With Attitude, is said as it appears above. The at-e-tood in this case is that displayed by some of the drag queens at the Pride day event. The other girl who told me she had gone to the event did not have the bad luck to wear shoes that messed up her feet, so she hung in longer and actually went down to the center of Philly hip, South Street (really the scene there is over, too many dorks from the burbs who think they'll be hip if they cruise South Street), and had some food and a drink or two. She said that the crowd was so diverse, owing to the influx of Pride Day people, that even in the middle of a sunny Sunday afternoon the straight people in the crowd paid her no attention. She got derogatory comments from the drag queens. Well, if they find you "glamour challenged" queens can be cruel. I know cause one once told me she "wouldn't visit my mother in that hair, Mary." (She's able to get around again now and healed up without too many scars.)That is, of course, the secret to dealing with shady queens. You have to give it back to them and then they'll give you some respect. Hey, hand me my pepper spray, here she comes again!

Halloween Queen Won't Quit

One of our favorite real girl deities is the lovely and voluptuous Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Many a CD has slipped into an Elvira costume for the Halloween parade in years past, but we've had to ask the question lately, what's up with that girl? There haven't been too many Elvira sightings recently. Heck, more people are seeing Elvis.

Elvira Never fear my glamorous ghoulies, Elvira is making a comeback. Cassandra Peterson (her secret identity) produced a cult classic back in 1988 with Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, but it bombed with the masses. Let's face it, it's pretty tough to play a Halloween schtick all year long. Now she and her husband (drat, another one bits the dust) are busy developing a trio of made-for-TV (Oh goodie! Just for us.) movies that will be co-written by Elvira and a guy who used to write for Pee Wee's Playhouse. (The Secret Word is entrapment!)

Will Elvira get a makeover for the new projects? Will she abandon her trademark long black wig and impressive cleavage? Nah, why mess with a good thing. Keep your eyes on the television schedules and look for one of these to pop up around Halloween. That's the way I'd market it, and besides, then you get all those inspired crossdressers. They dress up like Elvira and become walking billboards for her next film.

Eddie Still Gets Work

In the old days a scandal could ruin a showbiz career. Just consider what happened to Fatty Arbuckle. Now it seems that a scandal just rolls right off... unless you're Frank Gifford and Kathy Lee. Hugh Grant bounced back up and continues to work. Now his protege in getting caught with hookers, Eddie Murphy, is set for another job to take his mind off his troubles.

Apparently Steve Martin doesn't mind Eddie's personal life cause he's tapped Eddie to co-star in his next film Bofinger. It's a madcap comedy about a down on his luck producer who's got a script that's perfect for Eddie's character. Frank Oz (the voice of Miss Piggy for many years. You knew there was another transgender connection, didn't you?) will direct the funny men. Don't look for the flick soon, it starts filming next May. By that time who knows what could have happened in Eddie's personal life. He may be living with his hooker.

One Lump, Or Two

In the past fifteen or so years I've seen and met a lot of crossdressers. One of the silliest things about the whole thing is that many of the girls may have perfected their makeup and attire but when it comes to manners they remain manly. This is the factor that leads to cartoons of burly crossdressers smoking cigars and talking about sports... and pantyhose. Why is it that some of the girls just can't be demure and feminine? Science has marched forward and now provides us with a clue.

It seems that there is a "social gene." The researchers who found it (on the X chromosome) claim that it is only active in women, since women have two X chromosomes. It is responsible for a woman's heightened sensitivity to understanding social situations. That means she has the ability to be the perfect hostess, reading the nuances of her surrounding atmosphere and applying the correct social graces to any situation. Because of her social gene a woman will ask for a white wine spritzer while a similarly attired crossdresser will have a shot and a beer. A bowl of bar peanuts will set untouched near a lady with the social gene while a crossdresser lacking the gene will massacre the whole bowl, and not stop to shell them.

I think the researchers have made too ready an assumption about the social gene only working for women. As male crossdressers we may only have one of the genetic markers for enhanced social graces but I think some of us really know how to work that one gene. You know when you have met a CD who really seems feminine. Well, she's got just that one gene but it's double the size of a regular guys. Unfortunately, the social gene is not the same as the T gene. That's what leads to fellas with a T gene and no social gene sitting across from you at a support group meeting with their legs spread open like a guy. Oh, the horror. If only we could get synthetic social genes to add to those in the community, it would do a lot more good for the image of crossdressers than taking synthetic estrogen will ever accomplish. And that would make the world a better place.

Speaking of better places, it's time for me to leave this cyberspace place and run on down to the mall. There's bargains in them there aisles! As always, questions? Comments? Critiques? Email The Diva. See ya next month my little cherubs.


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