But the fear that keeps cropping up is that of transsexualism.
Our knowledge about primary transsexualism as opposed to secondary transsexualism is limited to be sure. Most of us can understand an individual who believed from an early age that he was born in the wrong body. Some, like Tula, make it to the media scene and convincingly make a case for the primary transsexual. Even more persuasive was a movie made several years ago about the late Christine Jorgensen, where a medical work-up led the doctor to conclude that George (Christine), although appearance-wise looked male, had the hormonal makeup of a woman.
But it is the secondary transsexualism that has us baffled. Is there such a phenomenon and how do we cope with it? I was particularly disturbed when on a cruise set up particularly for crossdressers and their families to find one member of our group, married with children, out gallivanting at night as a young single woman!
"She" was so successful in passing that a single straight man on the cruise was smitten and probably hoped a relationship would develop.
Although "she" had the good sense to prevent an unpleasant situation from developing, the fact remains that her wife and children were left somewhere in the background while "she" went out to play. So when I was asked a few days after that event to write an article on wives and transsexuals by some friends in Tri-Ess, who were concerned about the break-up of families in the gender community, it was not hard to do.
Especially since at that time I was facing some concerns also. I had no knowledge of why secondary transsexualism may occur or even if there is such a phenomenon, but I could speak to the feelings and emotions that wives experience when faced with this prospect in their own lives. Recently another talk show on gender aired with the families of crossdressers. In one relationship, the husband was now living full time as a woman, but had no intentions of ever having surgery. His wife seemed very supportive and happy in their relationship. But sadly another couple did not. In that relationship, all the fears and anxieties that we wives are troubled about were demonstrated.
Although they had been married for over fifteen years and had several children, the crossdresser was now living full time as a woman, with plans to have an operation when financially able. His relationship with his wife is now just one of friendship, "best" friends as the wife puts it. She seemed very resigned to her situation, but it was obvious to the audience as well as the hostess that she was unhappy to say the least. Her husband did not make things easier by alluding to the possibility of having a relationship with a man, sometime after surgery!
Crossdressers need to know of these fears and anxieties on the part of their wives and significant others. They need to reassure their wives as to their love and commitment to them and their families. Only then will their relationships broaden and deepen.
(This article originally appeared in the ETVC Newsletter.)