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By Angela Gardner

Hi Kittens. This month The Diva arrives with, in the words of Lyndon B. Johnson, a heavy heart. An era has ended. Red Skelton has died.

As big an event as the passing of Princess Diana was, the death of Red Skelton brought me to tears sooner. Diana's death is a tragedy because she was so young and seemed to be finally finding her piece of the pie after years of problems and pain. Red lived a long and very full life. The sad part is the world will never see his like again.

I grew up with that man. When I was just a child I'd jump into my jammies and sit right in front of the big floor model television to watch The Red Skelton Show. Just as I'd take a sip of my evening beverage Red would do something hilarious and the beverage would exit my mouth and nose to coat the screen of the television set. Princess Diana never got that reaction out of me. (Well, one or two of her earlier outfits almost did it.)

Red did his share of comedic drag, too. Not quite as much of a glamour bunny as Milton Berle, Red used his gigantic comedic skills to suggest feminine charms, and his combination of pathos and humor was always good for a smile... or blowing a beverage all over the TV. (Mmmm... TV messes up TV?)

Up until just a few months ago Red did shows in Atlantic City pretty regularly. Every time I saw the billboards I'd said, hey, I oughta go see Red, but I didn't. I guess deep down I always wanted to remember the Red of my youth. As soon as I finish this column I'm gonna run out and rent all his old movies from the'40s. They say you can't go home again but thanks to the wonders of modern technology you can visit for an hour or two.

Thanks for all the laughs, Red, and in your own words, "May God bless."

Ya know kids, I get serious every now and then. Usually it clears up as soon as I adjust my medication. Before I do that, however, I have one more serious item.

Hair Today

I have had a newspaper cutting about a thrift shop that donates reconditioned wigs to cancer patients hanging around the house for so long that the paper has gone yellow. I had been meaning to take several wigs in for months and guess what? I finally got around to doing it. It took the fact that I'm moving and don't want to carry a giant bag of old hair to my new place.

I did my good deed at the Full Circle Thrift Shop in New Britain, Pennsylvania. If you want to donate I'm sure you could mail the hair to them if you're not in the neighborhood. Give them a call at 215-340-0120 to get the address. Or, if you contact the American Cancer Society they can probably put you in touch with a similar operation in your neck of the woods.

It's the perfect way for members of the transgender community to help others. So many crossdressers have gigantic wig collections that they never get around to wearing, it's a good idea if they pass along a few wigs to those who could really use some hair.

OK, that's it for the serious stuff. Let's move on to the bubbly, frothy, fun stuff. Oooo!

One Transgendered Life To Live Shequida on

The Club Indigo on the ABC soap One Life To Live has acquired a new bartender. Her name is Wendy Mercury (Mercury? Any relation to Freddie?) and she's romantically interested in the town's District Attorney. The catch? It seems that if you ask the club's co-owner he'll tell you Wendy is a man. ABC has not said how the character identifies but they admit that she's played by "gender illusionist" Shequida, who, according to published reports, "performs at Manhattan's Lucky Chang's" (could they mean Lucky Cheng's, or maybe Good Luck Chang's?) restaurant and club. So soap addicts, now there's a show for us. I checked the past few weeks of plot synopsis at the ABC website but I didn't find a mention of the sexy new bartender. Keep your eye on the site and the show. Let me know if Wendy get's the D.A. in the sack.

They'll Whip More Than Your Butter

Those of you who are into domination and submission (that's right, you, you pitiful tramp) will appreciate this charming little eatery in NYC where the waitresses are dominants and at least one of them is a TG dominatrix. (Her name's Bianca, and don't make the mistake of taking her for a submissive... unless you enjoy being disciplined, that is.)

The place is called La Nouvelle Justine and it's named for a Marquis de Sade novel. The cuisine? French, of course my little boot heel. It's located on 23rd Street and in addition to the food you can get a birthday paddling, a boot-cleaning, or the chance to eat from a dog bowl at the feet of a whip-wielding mistress. It's bargain priced domination at $20 per special.

It's not too hard core, though. Joan Rivers, who dines there when she's in the mood says, "It's like Disney meets S&M. Our busboy didn't bring the bread fast enough, so the maitre d' spanked him."

So kittens, get out the leather and vinyl dresses and I'll meet you in their bar. We'll have a Martini and see if the maitre d' will lend us a whip. Or at least a wire whisk.

Strange Bedfellows

The man who brought us LaVerne & Shirley is the same man who wrote jokes for Christine Jorgensen. We tend to forget that transsexual pioneer Jorgensen supported herself after the operation by putting together a nightclub act. Back in those days famous producer and writer Gary Marshall was a young, not so famoius writer. Christine needed jokes and Gary had them. All you can say is, who'd a thunk it?

I found this out on the Late Late Show back in August, right after my deadline so I couldn'tget it into last months column. Tom Snyder did a couple of the jokes that were around at the time Miss Jorgensen made headlines. The most tasteful of them was, "He went to Europe and came back a broad." Tom tries, but I just don't think he has this politically correct thing down.

Speaking of Politically Incorrect...

Did you notice the Bud Light drag babes are back? They appear in a spot with the king of political incorrectness (Bill Mahr jump back) Don Rickles. Oh, shut up dummy!

In this spot a couple of guys are checking out the scene at a hot nightclub. They see the alluring back of a blonde in a sequin gown as she stands at the bar. They are trying to decide which one has the best chance of making time with her when Don steps in and tells them to watch a master at work. He approaches the blonde bombshell... and she turns and explodes into a Bud Light drag guy. (Did I mention Milton Berle before?) The rest of the "girls" appear in the background and Don looks suitably appalled. Just when you thought it was safe....

New York, New York

I went into the City a couple of weeks ago to review the film Different For Girls, and as far as I know New York's one of the few towns in this great land of ours where you can see this film. It is set for a broader distribution in October, I'm told. While I was in town I was swept up with the energy of the city (I mugged a tourist) and I recommend that you get all dolled up and visit the Apple whenever you can. I actually saw a man in a dress at a restaurant in the village. Can you imagine a thing like that?

Some of the shows now playing in NYC are just for us. Check out:

A demi-musical titled Lypsinka Is Harriet Craig is playing at Mother on West 14th Street. Lypsinka speaks in this production, which features a full cast in a stage adaption of the Joan Crawford movie of the '50s. It was originally set to close on Sept. 12th but has been extended to Sept. 28th.

Lypsinka not only talks in this show but (surprise!) does some lip-synching to Barbra Streisand and others, as well as synching to snippets of dialogue from the movie.

If you can't catch Lyp (all her friends call her Lyp) then maybe you can see New York drag legend Varla Jean Merman who is set to return to the Village club Eighty Eights with a reprise of her last show. The new run starts on October 16th and runs every Thursday night for six weeks. Show time, according to her wig designer (Mr. W. Wesley Cagle) will be 10:30 p.m. and tickets will run you $15 with a two drink minimum. Go on and tell her there's no biz like show biz.

Don Your Regalia

It's a 50 minute show of non-stop mirth. Regalia was written by a guy named Michael Ogborn, but the important thing is my pal Ricky (Mr. Richard Paul) is one of the stars. Song titles in the show include: "An Evening Without Margaret Whiting," "Sophisticated Twinkie," "Cologne Clone," and "How To Be a Drag Queen For Fun and Profit." Check it out at The Duplex in Greenwich Village, four Fridays in November at 10 p.m., on the 7th, 14th, 21st, and the 28th. Say hi to Ricky if you go. If the rest of the cast are half as good (and funny) as him then you are really set for a night of fun. $10 cover; two-drink minimum. Call 212-255-5438 for reservations. The Duplex is located at 61 Christopher Street.

At The Copa, Copacabana

On Monday, October 13th it's the Bartender's Ball at the Copacabana. This is a very tran friendly event with large participation from the Imperial Court of New York. Tickets are a bit on the pricey side at $100 each and seating is limited to 350. It's probably worth it though since this is a strictly formal affair; black tie for manly types and fabulous gowns for the ladies.

Cocktail hour is an open bar from 7 to 8 p.m. and the French service dinner starts at 8. (Hope they can find enough French waiters.) Dance all night to a 12 piece big band and be prepared for surprise entertainment. Contact the Imperial Court for more information, 212-627-1969.

And... That's All Folks!

Anyone catch RuPaul on Regis and Kathy Lee? A 7 foot queen on national TV at 9:40 in the morning? What's the world coming to? She sang "I Can't Get Enough of You." It seems the country just can't get enough of her. Regis and Kathy Lee looked minuscule next to Miss Charles. They almost needed a ladder to shake her hand. As Bob Dylan once sang.... ahh, you know the tune. See ya next month honey bunnies.

Comments, criticisms, and gift certificates may be sent to The Diva at anytime.


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