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The Vampire's Lair






The 1997 Henri David Halloween Ball

New York has a special day on Labor Day weekend called Wigstock. New Orleans has the Mardi Gras. In Philadelphia, we have Halloween and master of ceremonies Henri David puts little ol' Philly on the map in a big way as the East Coast's largest and most exciting gala event. As local weathercaster, John Bolaris, after seeing his roving reporter colleague out at the event, jealously puts it, "I wish I were there!" We knew this handsome young man had a flamboyant side to him.

Over 2000 partygoers don the costumes that would be remembered for the months ahead. Philly is, after all and despite what a lot of people think, a real city with real people who can spend some real money making their costumes look as elaborate as anyone else's in the world. With no exception, this year's Henri David Halloween Ball exhibited the same outpour of everything from the decadent to the outrageous, from the fashionable to the funny, and from the exotic to the sophisticated.

About one in ten people compete for the grand prize in each category - a trophy, a bouquet, and a couple of interesting prizes - but the real honor is the glory achieved from all of the dedication to the art and the craft of costume-making. Some of these souls spend at least a year designing and developing the perfect costume to elicit that much wanted "Ooohhh" and "Aahhh" that makes the art worthwhile. The endless hours devoted to crafting the perfect paper mache head for a cartoon character or even the years of practice to develop the perfect walk in a Victorian dress.

You see it in the heart and soul of this city. I call it "the struggle." The common bond among the working class folks in Philadelphia and the rich bitch mall and boutique dwellers is the struggle towards perfection. Perfection in this event meant achieving what some considered impossible: a trophy at the Henri David Halloween Ball.

Social distinctions are left at the door at this gala event as everyone gets a fair chance to compete for the grand prize in their categories. Sometimes it is not money poured into the most elaborate costume that wins the hearts of the crowd, but the genius that perpetuates a wonderful idea. The crowd must think and imagine, but not imagine too hard, to understand what was on the costume-maker's mind. After all, your year long dedication and devotion only lasts about 30 seconds onstage.

I like odd combinations of characters, things that don't seem to belong together. When I take pictures, I go for the type of picture that elicits the type of response that says, "Why in the name of g-d did you pair up such and such with so and so?" My response was always that it made for a more interesting picture. I was the little boy who pulled off the heads of Barbie and Ken and swapped them. Why should Barbie have all the fun of looking in the mirror?

Before you think me too kooky, here's a little description of what I wore to the Ball. I was not competing for a prize this year so no sequined evening gown this time! Instead, I wore a simple burgundy-colored velvet criss-cross V-neck top with long ruffled sleeves. It was very body-hugging and squashed whatever breast forms I wore beneath it, so my C cup silicones got squashed down to a B size (darn). The top was matched with black stretch cigarette pants and black strappy evening sandals with four-inch heels by Ann Marino. I bought the top and pants from a cool boutique in Manyunk, PA called Smith Bros., a shop that resembles a more clubby Urban Outfitters.

The most elaborate part of my outfit was not my clothes, but my hair. I had one of my wife's friends attach glue-in hair extensions to my hair. I was very apprehensive the first time I had heard of the glue-in method. I associated the method with being less expensive than the hair weave method, but, in so doing, I was also under the impression that it required very little time and skill to do. In other words, I thought of it as a hack job compared to what I thought was "the real deal." Girl, was I wrong!

If you study what a hair stylist does in a hair weave, it looks pretty amazing. The stylist takes a needle and thread and proceeds to sew tracks of thread into your hair. This kind of skill is taught only in special courses. The glue-in technique requires a skillful hand as well. Tracks are simulated by lining a "track" of hair extensions with glue and attaching it along the roots of your own hair. Because your own hair is mixed in with the added hair extensions, the end result is a more realistic head of hair than any wig can provide. And realistic hair - for others to be able to see your hairline and your scalp and notice up close that you have what looks like your own hair - is one of the hallmarks of looking real and passing as a woman. I'll give you more details on glue-in hair extensions in next month's column.

At 10:00pm, I entered the Wyndham Franklin Plaza Hotel in downtown Philadelphia, the same place the Ball was held in the past three years, and met up with a number of members from the local Renaissance Transgender Association. The Drag Queen of the Blues herself, Terri Arnaldi, was in the mix. Terri was dressed as an Arabian princess. The ever enchanting Angela Gardner looked especially ravishing that night and boldly proclaimed herself as Queen of the Mountains. Quite apt and if you denied it, she'd beat you over the head with her jewel-encrusted staff... hee hee. Jessica Brandon displayed her usual classic elegant look. I also got to meet Vicki Rene, that great dame whose Web site showcases some of the most beautiful transgendered girls on the Internet.

Of course, there were also queens who acted very much like queens. A Dionne Warwick wannabe retorted in no small words, "I need a man! I need a man!" as she looked around at the crowds, brushing her faux furs against her body and trying to give men a seductive stare. "All I need is to find me a sugardaddy in this crowd," she said. Two less flamboyant but much more fab and colorful queens posed with me for a photo.

The Ball was filled with lots of crossdressers. Men dressed as women. Women dressed as men. Men dressed as women dressed as men (that takes ingenuity). Genderfuckers. As Henri states in his advertisements every year, "Don't come as you are, but as you want to be." Apparently, there are lots of men who want to be women for Halloween. If this is the case, then there are a lot more crossdressers than I would have guessed in this city! Four men dressed as very busty and leggy airline stewardesses were posing for every camera that took an interest in them.

A huge-headed evil-looking clown stood for a photo next to dainty French Maid Michelle, a Renaissance member. The next thing I knew, some unknown guy, also in a French Maid outfit, got in the photo and the three made for a truly odd juxtaposition of characters: beauty, beast, and something in between.

The surprise of the evening was John Astin (Gomez) from the original Addams' Family. Earlier in the night, John was a celebrity guest at a Halloween Concert performed by The Philadelphia Orchestra with conductor Andre Raphel. John happens to be a good friend of Henri David, so he stopped by at Henri's request.

The costume showcases began at midnight. There were four judges: a local radio personality and his fiancee, Harlow, the classic transsexual beauty who starred in the cult film, The Queen, and a local drag queen I couldn't quite place who looked very collegiate when she put on her spectacles halfway through the judging.

Henri David was dressed in a silver and gold tunic with a very large and elaborate hat decorated with silver and glass trinkets. Attached as "winged webbing" along his arms were chains of crystal beads. His shaven and very feminine legs stood atop clear see-through six-inch platforms.

Before the contests began, Henri made a special announcement. A young man stepped up in a lime green Victorian style dress. Henri lovingly admired his lover's tightly corseted waist and exclaimed, "Now, due to the fact that he's my lover, he cannot qualify for any of the contest categories... but look at that waist, folks... and he's all mine!"

One by one each contestant paraded onstage to display his or her costume to the audience and the judges for their approval. There were nine categories in all, everything from Best Alien to Most Exotic Fantasy. I didn't like the winner of Best Alien. The alien wore a silver outfit and resembled the status quo aliens we see on television all the time. The runner-up, however, was a little more imaginative. It was the cast of Star Wars! Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, and Ben Kenobi. C3PO was in parts on the back of Chewie and Yoda was on the back of Luke. Henri gave these guys special mention and invited them all down to his shop for an alternate prize, a gift certificate to his jewelry shop.

The candidates for Best Celebrity Look-Alike were the most interesting. A fellow in a blue Tick costume won a lot of applause, but his outfit would've reigned supreme had he had Arthur, his trusty sidekick, next to him... y'know, the short chubby guy who dresses like a white butterfly. Instead, I have a photo of Tick stealing a kiss from our beloved Angela Gardner. There was also a couple dressed as Popeye and Olive Oyl. Their costumes looked as if they took a lot of work to make, but they just didn't have that touch of zanyness that the Tick costume displayed.

A Madonna lookalike sauntered onstage. She was a crossdresser with a beautifully made-up face but her body was ruined with a flabby gut that could not be hidden even with the black lycra spandex bodysuit she was wearing. There was no flow and no grace in her lines or her mannerisms. Ick.

A Xena lookalike swaggered back and forth next, but she was too short to be real. The same goes for the RuPaul lookalike. Again, Miss Ru wannabe was way too short. She wasn't even six feet tall!

The winner was a couple of Renaissance members dressed as Dorothy and the Emerald City. Yes, someone dressed as the green building Dorothy and Toto were supposed to skip towards at the end of the yellow brick road! As Henri stated, "See, ladies and gentleman, I'm not the only one crazy enough to do this!"

I tried getting Mr. Peanut to do a photo with us. Mr. Peanut didn't like us crossdressed folk. He just did this little ditty-dance and sidestepped away from us. Whoever you are in Philadelphia, you are one big poop! We don't like you.

Anyone remember Mimi from The Drew Carey Show? There were a couple of them. One of them looked like Drew dressed as Mimi.

There was one fully clad Batman and a couple of girls dressed as Poison Ivy from the Clooney Batman movie. One of them had a more Jayne Mansfield-esque body than the other who more resembled the short and svelte Uma Thurman. She was followed by a stumpy little Elvira wannabe. I think the Jayne Mansfield Poison Ivy was probably a man.

A young Asian man in an elaborate gold Thai dancer outfit won Most Unbelievably Spectacular. What was interesting was that the outfit was meant to be worn by a female dancer, but the man who wore it worked it well. Among the other notable contestants were a very handsome male couple dressed as Adam and Eve, complete with fig leaves covering their pantyhose covered bodies, and the Statue of Liberty, whose costume was so large she couldn't get it onstage so they spotlighted her offstage when it was her turn to "walk" onstage.

By far the largest of the contests year after year is the female impersonator contest. There are two awards, one for Most Beautiful and one for Most Believable, and, at the risk of sounding like a pompous weenie - I mean queenie - I'll tell you once again that I won Most Beautiful back in 1995. I did it like the female impersonator below, with lots of padding, a great wig, an even better smile, and a killer dress. Well, the girl below needs a little less padding, a better wig, and a better dress. At least she's got the smile part right. And, oh yes, maybe she should've turned her number plate the other way so the audience could see who the hell she is. If the judges really gave a damn about you, they'd try to get your number no matter what.

A Philadelphia favorite named Victoria Michaels won Most Believable Female Impersonator. She wore a very elegant sequined and beaded gold gown. Hey, Vicki, give someone else a chance! Like, isn't this supposed to be an "amateur" contest? You wouldn't know it since more than half the field were all popular female impersonators from the Philadelphia and South Jersey area. It's been that way ever since the contest was invented.

One of the Asian female impersonators again won Most Beautiful Female Impersonator. For the past four years, a Caucasian and an Asian always win... and a good number of Philly's female impersonators are African-American! Now, I do not mean any disrespect to anyone in the biz, but when you have silicone breast and hip implants that sag, you do not - I repeat, you do not - wish to display your wares to the masses beneath see-through mesh clothing. Yes, you know who you are, O Sultan of the Sagging Swing. You do it every year. That was nasty! NASSSTY!!!

When the last trophy and bouquet were handed out, it was 1:45am and time to go home. Another year of spectacular costumes and pageantry had passed. It was now time for the Halloween faithful to begin scheming for their next great costume. For those of you who can come to Philadelphia for Halloween, I will see you at the Henri David Halloween Ball next year!


Soda Pop Buzz

Thursday, December 11 to Saturday, December 13, don't miss Where the Boyz "R": A Musical Comedy Drag Revue appearing at Woody's on 13th and Walnut Streets. The show features celebrity lookalikes, live vocals, standup comedy, and fabulous costumes and stars Kandi Kane, Joanna James, and Dana Danzel. Admission is $12. Showtimes are 8:00pm on Thursday and Saturday and 7:30pm on Friday.

Everyone's favorite Latino drag queen wannabe Charo was performing a few songs for the national Thanksgiving Day parade from her remote site in sunny Hawaii. She was singing or mumbling in Spanish and I could hardly understand what the hell she was singing about. She is very well-preserved for whatever age she is (I'm thinking she's in her late 50's?). Although she's lost a step in her jiggle wiggle, she still has that curvy body most men and crossdressers want.

Ughh... RuPaul has a Christmas CD. A CD on a CD... hee hee. The pictures of the once famous Supermodel of the World look airbrushed beyond recognition. Since when did Ru have big cleavage-inducing breasts? You can't blame the media bunny for trying, though, because most of the recent pop icons have their own Christmas CD's: Boyz II Men, Gloria Estefan, Maria Carey, and so on.

Anyone catch a Baltimore Ravens game this season? In the Ravens-Eagles game, kicker Greg Montgomery was referred to as the "Dennis Rodman" of NFL football. With his frost-tipped hair, deep violet painted nails, and pierced tongue, I'd say that this was an accurate description. He is one ugly boy!

Shimmery makeup is the newest trend for the holidays. From glittery golds and silvers to sparkly reds and plums, check out your favorite cosmetic line's winter wares. Now everything can glitter and sparkle, from loose powder and nail polish to lip gloss and even mascara.

Try something decidedly different this holiday season: paint your nails in different colors. I've seen some imaginative autumn combinations of gold, green, and brown. I personally like a progression of color from one family of colors to another, such as red to violet. If you'd like to try this progression, then use the following colors: L'Oreal Big Apple Red, Pro-10 Heartbreak, L'Oreal Laser, Wet and Wild Blackest Red, and Revlon Violet Xtreme. Apply two coats, but be sure to use two coats of a ridge filler before the color and one coat of topcoat after the color for best results. Your fingernails or toenails will look fabulous!

To see more of Kalina, check out her Web site!

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