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By Julie Freeman


Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie is a regular colunnist for the DVG newsletter and has also contributed to the ETVC newsletter, Tapestry and the Femme Mirror. Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995. Her e-mail address is julie39@ibm.net. She may also be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or by snail mail to DVG, PO Box 272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885 .

An Observation

Have you ever noticed that when women get together they like to chat and talk about their problems, but do not really expect solutions? Many times they just like the camaraderie of being with other women who have similar problems, complaints, anxieties, whatever. They just want to verbalize their feelings and have others agree, commiserate, sympathesize, whatever. They want validation of their feelings, not "I told you so" or "Well, I would do it THIS way."

Men on the other hand think solutions are not only needed but required. When faced with a problem they search for a solution and verbalize. When men talk to others, this kind of problem-solving and resolution to complaints is expected and accepted sometimes with good humor, sometimes not, but expected nevertheless.

That is why so many times wives telling their husbands about their days and really only wanting a sympathetic ear and perhaps some understanding are disappointed when instead they are presented with ways to solve their problems and thus get on to other things, such as making dinner.

Since this kind of male/female behavior is pretty much understood by both sexes, it becomes interesting to watch crossdressers and discover how they interact with each other in regards to this behavior.

There are some crossdressers who are very "female" in their approach to problem-solving. These crossdressers more than others spend much of their time talking with genetic women and enjoy being around them. When these crossdressers talk with other crossdressers, they are looking for the sympathetic ear, the understanding friend, the listener as do women! They do not want to be presented with a solution which is NOT expected nor desired.

Then there are those crossdressers who enjoy spending most of their time around other crossdressers and who are still very "male" in their approach to conversation; they are the problem solvers. When these crossdressers talk with each other, they expect solutions and results.

Since not all males seem to be aware of the "female" approach to conversation, crossdressers who think solutions are expected are puzzled and bewildered by those crossdressers who are not happy with their problem-solving and also have a hard time understanding those who repeat their anxieties and concerns over and over much like women whom they do expect such behavior from.

Just another observation on the fascinating complexity of female/male behavior.

(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)

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