One to One With Cindy Martin Transgender Forum Publisher © 1997 Transgender Forum Got a news tip? Seen a story with a TG angle to it? Don't assume we know about it already. Email Cindy and she'll spread the news!

October 27, 1997

t's still news when a government executive announces she is going to have a sex change, even in San Francisco.

Last Friday, one of the big stories of the day was that Marc Chapdelaine, president of the San Mateo County Convention and Visitors Bureau, wanted to be called Marcia and was going to have SRS.

San Mateo County is just south of San Francisco and tourism is a major industry there. Chapdelaine is, at least symbolically, the "face" that San Mateo County puts to the world. There is a lot of money involved in the job and image is extremely important. That's why this was a pretty big story. That the board that appointed Chapdelaine acted the way it did, essentially supporting Marcia all the way, sends out a loud message: being transgender is not "weird" and has nothing to do with whether or not you can do a job well.

To their credit, the local media handled the story smoothly and fairly. I actually got the sense that if Chapdelaine's bosses had not been so sophisticated the local press would have skinned them.

Now don't misunderstand all this happy talk. I am not saying that we are now totally accepted and all our fears are groundless. There are lots of people out there who despise us and everything that we are. In most places there is still nothing to stop employers from firing us because we have to have a sex change or because they find out we wear dresses after work.

But I can tell you this: the media is swinging to our side. Most of the media seems to know that our enemies tend to be bigots and dum-dums. On the other hand, we're kind of a "model minority." They put us generally in the same boat as gays and lesbians and the press ain't going to mess with them, plus we aren't known for demanding expensive government programs and we have a growing reputation as a group with a lot of extremely bright and successful people. And, we're interesting.

We won't be interesting forever. The day will come when announcements like Ms. Chapdelaine's are off the front page and in the "briefs" section of the business page.

I think I can live with that.

ruth time: Halloween scares me.

I never know what I want to be. I'll dream up this great concept, and it bombs. You know what a bad costume is? One you have to explain. All night.

"So you're a harem girl, Cindy?"

"Uh, no. I'm Salome. See the bloody head on the tray I've been carrying around all night? That's John the Baptist."

"Oh... Who's John the Baptist?"

That costume took two days to create. No one got it.

A good costume has to be obvious, instantly recognizable and, if you've really got a good one, dirt cheap. I've had one costume like this. It consisted of a great big white towel, a short blonde wig slicked back to look wet, half a rubber knife and some fake blood. The towel, was worn like a short dress. The knife was taped through a hole in the towel, fake blood around the whole. On the vertical edge of the towel, in big bold letters were two words: Bates Motel. People kept asking me where Anthony Perkins was.

Transgenders who are out have a little bit of a costume disadvantage on those Halloweens when the ideas and time to get ready are short. Just "going as a girl" to the big party only really works if you're still hiding in the closet. Not that I disparage anyone the chance to use this magical time to test the public waters. This was the time when many of us, including me, first went public.

The memories of that first night I went out are still fresh, but what I have always remembered most was the "boy-girl" star of the evening. That honor went to a muy macho friend who got dolled up in the classic "blonde hooker" look, using a wig and mini-skirt I supplied him. He didn't shave his mustache for the show, but it hardly mattered with his great legs and wonderful sense of humor. Interestingly, my friend wore the same outfit - black tanktop, mini and heels - to another party the next night. I never asked him why he wanted to do it again and he never asked me how I happened to own a blonde woman's wig and a mini.

The years rolled by and I moved our family from the East Coast to Ohio and then California. Though it all I've stayed in touch with my old pal, became godfather to his oldest daughter, and occasionally give him a call. We also visit from time to time, and about three months ago, a wedding gave my spouse and me an excuse to go back to Pennsylvania and look up our old friend and his family. We were watching some game on TV, reminiscing and gossiping while the women were upstairs in the kitchen yakking and getting slowly sloshed on good wine. Then he asked me if I remembered that Halloween when he "did drag."

Not once in the many years since that weekend had he ever brought it up and, a bit surprised and secretly pleased, I said "Of course I remember, I still have some pictures."

He said he'd found some pictures himself recently and looking at them had brought back a lot of fun memories. Naturally, I asked him if I could see them. He disappeared for a few minutes and brought back a handful of photos.

I was struck by how many there were. They were definitely all from the same weekend, but I noticed that several were taken during the day, probably the Saturday between the two nights. "You know, you really would have looked terrific if you had shaved your mustache off," I told him.

"I couldn't do that just for a costume," he said. "But you want to see how it looks without it?"

I said I would, figuring that this was going to be some kind of coming out thing for him. He then went away and brought back two more pictures, both of which had obviously, carefully, been retouched to hide his mustache. He did look good, despite the amateurish retouch job. I told him so, leaving him the opening I thought he wanted.

"That was one of the most fun times I ever had," he said. "Never did it again. What about you? You really looked like a woman that night too.'' he said. Whoops. I wasn't expecting this. I told him I was surprised he remembered. Then he told me he couldn't stop thinking about it for years. He said he was kind of ashamed to say anything because he thought I would take it the wrong way. I told him that was a very big weekend for me too because it was my first time out in public as a woman. I won't go into the coming out story I told him, it's not all that interesting. The bottom line was that he was not terribly surprised.

After telling him my story, I asked him to explain how he felt about that night.

"Part of it was being desirable and part of it was being something completely different than normal," he said. "It was really exciting. Is that how it is with you?" No, I told him it wasn't like that now. It was in the beginning, but not now.

He looked a little disappointed.

"I think most transgenders go through a phase like you experienced that night,'' I said. "It can be a little like putting on a costume and getting into the spotlight. And it's sexy. Some people stay in that place, and that's okay. It's a little different for me. Putting on a dress took me inside myself and I know that I'm as much female as male. I like that.

"The way I am now, I would never have to put on a dress again and I'd always know I'm transgender. It's just how it is," I said.

He sort of nodded and shrugged his shoulders. "So do you still have that blonde wig?"

I laughed and said I did, it's kind of ratty but I've used it for costumes since then. And I told him that I always think of him when I pull it out of the costume box.

He gave me a big smile and said "I really looked like a whore that night, didn't I?"

"Yep," I said. "You sure as hell did!"

I just got a note back from my old pal the other day. It was a thank you note. He said I was right, that blonde wig was really ratty, but he was flattened when he opened the box from California and saw it there.

"Thanks, " he wrote. "But you forgot to send the mini-skirt..."

o class at all...

Marv Alpert calls a woman up to his room and she finds him wearing white panties and a white garterbelt. Marv is aroused and tells her he needs some "relief". Now what kind of low-rent person does a thing like that?

Note to Marv: next time wear Black lingerie, or at the very least, red. White is for brides and virgins, which obviously you aren't. No wonder that poor woman was so offended.

Around my office the reaction to the Albert case was interesting to say the least. The conservative types were sure he was ruined because of the kinky sex stories while the liberals thought the biting incidents were the more destructive. Obviously, I thought his bad taste in sleazewear was what brought him down.

I am somewhat concerned that Albert's lingerie thing will reflect badly on us, though the more I think about it the more I sort of doubt it. I just don't think most people think of him as transgender. A violent oddball maybe, but not TG. Still, his case raises the question: does wearing women's underwear for sexual pleasure in and of itself make a person transgender?

I've wondered about aspects of this for years and I know many others have also. Every once in a while I'll receive a letter or a photo from someone who will tell me that their love of women's clothes is nothing but sexual. More than a few wives have told me that this is all it is to their husbands, it's just a bedroom thing.

I believe them. That isn't how it is for me, but I believe them. And, if that is really the truth, that their entire behavior is a sexual thing, then I don't believe they are actually transgender.

Like many of us the discovery that I was transgender did include sexual aspects. But I don't define myself by my sexual tastes. I define myself by who I am 24 hours a day and that definition includes being very strongly feminine. The way I see it, if femininity isn't part of who you are then all the sexiest underwear in the world won't make you transgender. Horny maybe, but not transgender.

id I say Marv Albert had no class?

Here's some real trash behavior for you:

A Roanoke, Virginia, transgender woman recently contacted Virginians for Justice about an employment discrimination case. While VJ was unable to directly help with funding for her case, they were able to provide her with access to their mailing list, advice and connections. Good work.

Last week the Human Rights Campaign contacted VJ about any reported cases of employment discrimination. Now you may remember that the HRC is a gay organization trying to get the federal Employment Non Discrimination Act passed. You may also remember that the group is doing all it can to keep us out of the law. This same group, by the by, is going to be the first gay organization ever honored by having had a president speak at one of its events. This is an important organization, though as you shall see, one without honor.

The Virginians for Justice group duly reported the transgender's case to HRC, but, according to a spokeswoman "we found that HRC is not interested in including this case in it's discrimination reporting." In other words they said the TGs problems wasn't their problem.

This organization is about as misnamed as it can be. The Some Humans InTerest Campaign would be more like it. Do NOT ever contribute anything, money or time to this group of lowlife bastards who have somehow wheedled their way into the corridors of power in Washington.

The more I learn and hear about the HRC the more I realize that they have learned the game inside the beltway all too well. They are really no different than any of the other unprincipled lobby groups in Washington. And that's fine. Most gay organizations are with us, these guys aren't. Fine, good to know who your friends AND your enemies are.

knew my journalist friend David Tuller was working on an FTM story because he had asked me several times in recent months for names and leads on people. David, you may remember, carried a wonderful chapter on transsexuals in his 1996 book on gay Russia, Cracks In the Iron Closet, and had maintained an interest in the subject since then.

I gave him a few contacts and off he went. A few months later he asked me to read a story he'd done for the San Francisco Chronicle and to "check it" for him. I didn't know what he meant. Did he want me to read it over for copy errors? No, he wanted me to check it, to make sure what he'd written wouldn't offend anyone. I was both flattered and a little disappointed. David is a terrific reporter, a professional. And any good reporter should be able to write about ANY subject without having to have it "cleared" by someone in the minority group it is aimed at. You know the old saw about priests being able to counsel people about marriage without being married. Their training is supposed to qualify them. The world will not be a better place if journalists tiptoe around controversial subjects because it might offend someone.

Anyway, I told David I would read it because I would enjoy it, not because he needed to clear anything with me. If there were factual errors I'd let him know, but otherwise I wasn't going to mess with the material.

The story, which focussed on James Green, perhaps the best known FTM in the world right now, was stunning. Green's childhood fantasies of growing up to be a boy were layed out smoothly and honestly. But perhaps the best part of the article involved a moment of tension between James and his girlfriend who were in the throes of a major relationship problem. It was so real and so politically incorrect.

The story is a master work. I'm working on getting the rights to reprint it, and the extraordinary pictures that went with it.

any of you will be going to the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta next week, which kicks off a long series of great fall-winter events this year.

One that is particularly dear to my heart is the ETVC Cotillion, always one of the great events in the community. A combination beauty pageant, dinner, and debutante coming out party, the Cotillion caps a three-day TG funfest in San Francisco, one of the great TG cities on earth. This year's show will be at the Showplace Galleria, a very fancy venue, and over 400 people are expected. If you'd like to know more, write to ETVC by email.