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The Vampire's Lair
The 1997 Henri David Halloween Ball
New York
has a special day on Labor Day weekend called Wigstock. New Orleans
has the
Mardi Gras. In Philadelphia, we have Halloween and master of
ceremonies
Henri David puts little ol' Philly on the map in a big way as the East
Coast's largest
and most exciting gala event. As local weathercaster, John Bolaris, after
seeing
his roving reporter colleague out at the event, jealously puts it, "I
wish I
were there!" We knew this handsome young man had a flamboyant side to
him.
Over 2000 partygoers don the costumes that would be remembered for the
months ahead.
Philly is, after all and despite what a lot of people think, a real city
with real
people who can spend some real money making their costumes look as
elaborate as anyone
else's in the world. With no exception, this year's Henri David Halloween
Ball exhibited
the same outpour of everything from the decadent to the outrageous, from
the fashionable
to the funny, and from the exotic to the sophisticated.
About one in ten people compete for the grand prize in each category - a
trophy,
a bouquet, and a couple of interesting prizes - but the real honor is the
glory achieved
from all of the dedication to the art and the craft of costume-making. Some
of these
souls spend at least a year designing and developing the perfect costume to
elicit
that much wanted "Ooohhh" and "Aahhh" that makes the
art worthwhile.
The endless hours devoted to crafting the perfect paper mache head for a
cartoon
character or even the years of practice to develop the perfect walk in a
Victorian
dress.
You see it in the heart and soul of this city. I call it "the
struggle."
The common bond among the working class folks in Philadelphia and the rich
bitch
mall and boutique dwellers is the struggle towards perfection. Perfection
in this
event meant achieving what some considered impossible: a trophy at the
Henri David
Halloween Ball.
Social distinctions are left at the door at this gala event as everyone
gets a fair
chance to compete for the grand prize in their categories. Sometimes it is
not money
poured into the most elaborate costume that wins the hearts of the crowd,
but the
genius that perpetuates a wonderful idea. The crowd must think and imagine,
but not
imagine too hard, to understand what was on the costume-maker's mind. After
all,
your year long dedication and devotion only lasts about 30 seconds onstage.
I like odd combinations of characters, things that don't seem to belong
together.
When I take pictures, I go for the type of picture that elicits the type of
response
that says, "Why in the name of g-d did you pair up such and such with
so and
so?" My response was always that it made for a more interesting
picture. I was
the little boy who pulled off the heads of Barbie and Ken and swapped them.
Why should
Barbie have all the fun of looking in the mirror?
Before you think me too kooky, here's a little description of what I wore
to the
Ball. I was not competing for a prize this year so no sequined evening gown
this
time! Instead, I wore a simple burgundy-colored velvet criss-cross V-neck
top with
long ruffled sleeves. It was very body-hugging and squashed whatever breast
forms
I wore beneath it, so my C cup silicones got squashed down to a B size
(darn). The
top was matched with black stretch cigarette pants and black strappy
evening sandals
with four-inch heels by Ann Marino. I bought the top and pants from
a cool
boutique in Manyunk, PA called Smith Bros., a shop that resembles a
more clubby
Urban Outfitters.
The most elaborate part of my outfit was not my clothes, but my hair. I had
one of
my wife's friends attach glue-in hair extensions to my hair. I was very
apprehensive
the first time I had heard of the glue-in method. I associated the method
with being
less expensive than the hair weave method, but, in so doing, I was also
under the
impression that it required very little time and skill to do. In other
words, I thought
of it as a hack job compared to what I thought was "the real
deal." Girl,
was I wrong!
If you study what a hair stylist does in a hair weave, it looks pretty
amazing. The
stylist takes a needle and thread and proceeds to sew tracks of thread into
your
hair. This kind of skill is taught only in special courses. The glue-in
technique
requires a skillful hand as well. Tracks are simulated by lining a
"track"
of hair extensions with glue and attaching it along the roots of your own
hair. Because
your own hair is mixed in with the added hair extensions, the end result is
a more
realistic head of hair than any wig can provide. And realistic hair - for
others
to be able to see your hairline and your scalp and notice up close that you
have
what looks like your own hair - is one of the hallmarks of looking real and
passing
as a woman. I'll give you more details on glue-in hair extensions in next
month's
column.
At 10:00pm, I entered the Wyndham Franklin Plaza Hotel in downtown
Philadelphia,
the same place the Ball was held in the past three years, and met up with a
number
of members from the local Renaissance Transgender Association. The Drag
Queen of
the Blues herself, Terri Arnaldi, was in the mix. Terri was dressed as an
Arabian
princess. The ever enchanting Angela Gardner looked especially ravishing
that night
and boldly proclaimed herself as Queen of the Mountains. Quite apt and if
you denied
it, she'd beat you over the head with her jewel-encrusted staff... hee hee.
Jessica
Brandon displayed her usual classic elegant look. I also got to meet Vicki
Rene,
that great dame whose Web site showcases some of the most beautiful
transgendered
girls on the Internet.
Of
course,
there were also queens who acted very much like queens. A Dionne Warwick
wannabe
retorted in no small words, "I need a man! I need a man!" as she
looked
around at the crowds, brushing her faux furs against her body and trying to
give
men a seductive stare. "All I need is to find me a sugardaddy in this
crowd,"
she said. Two less flamboyant but much more fab and colorful queens posed
with me
for a photo.
The Ball was filled with lots of crossdressers. Men dressed as women.
Women dressed
as men. Men dressed as women dressed as men (that takes ingenuity).
Genderfuckers.
As Henri states in his advertisements every year, "Don't come as you
are, but
as you want to be." Apparently, there are lots of men who want to be
women for
Halloween. If this is the case, then there are a lot more crossdressers
than I would
have guessed in this city! Four men dressed as very busty and leggy airline
stewardesses
were posing for every camera that took an interest in them.
A huge-headed evil-looking clown stood for a photo next to dainty French
Maid Michelle,
a Renaissance member. The next thing I knew, some unknown guy, also in a
French Maid
outfit, got in the photo and the three made for a truly odd juxtaposition
of characters:
beauty, beast, and something in between.
The surprise of the evening was John Astin (Gomez) from the
original Addams'
Family. Earlier in the night, John was a celebrity guest at a Halloween
Concert performed
by The Philadelphia Orchestra with conductor Andre Raphel. John happens to
be a good
friend of Henri David, so he stopped by at Henri's request.
The costume showcases began at midnight. There were four judges: a local
radio personality
and his fiancee, Harlow, the classic transsexual beauty who starred in the
cult film,
The Queen, and a local drag queen I couldn't quite place who looked very
collegiate
when she put on her spectacles halfway through the judging.
Henri David was dressed in a silver and gold tunic with a very large and
elaborate
hat decorated with silver and glass trinkets. Attached as "winged
webbing"
along his arms were chains of crystal beads. His shaven and very feminine
legs stood
atop clear see-through six-inch platforms.
Before the contests began, Henri made a special announcement. A young
man stepped
up in a lime green Victorian style dress. Henri lovingly admired his
lover's tightly
corseted waist and exclaimed, "Now, due to the fact that he's my
lover, he cannot
qualify for any of the contest categories... but look at that waist,
folks... and
he's all mine!"
One by one each contestant paraded onstage to display his or her costume to
the audience
and the judges for their approval. There were nine categories in all,
everything
from Best Alien to Most Exotic Fantasy. I didn't like the winner of Best
Alien. The
alien wore a silver outfit and resembled the status quo aliens we see on
television
all the time. The runner-up, however, was a little more imaginative. It was
the cast
of Star Wars! Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, and Ben Kenobi. C3PO was in parts
on the
back of Chewie and Yoda was on the back of Luke. Henri gave these guys
special mention
and invited them all down to his shop for an alternate prize, a gift
certificate
to his jewelry shop.
The
candidates
for Best Celebrity Look-Alike were the most interesting. A fellow in a blue
Tick
costume won a lot of applause, but his outfit would've reigned supreme had
he had
Arthur, his trusty sidekick, next to him... y'know, the short chubby guy
who dresses
like a white butterfly. Instead, I have a photo of Tick stealing a kiss
from our
beloved Angela Gardner. There was also a couple dressed as Popeye and Olive
Oyl.
Their costumes looked as if they took a lot of work to make, but they just
didn't
have that touch of zanyness that the Tick costume displayed.
A Madonna lookalike sauntered onstage. She was a crossdresser with a
beautifully
made-up face but her body was ruined with a flabby gut that could not be
hidden even
with the black lycra spandex bodysuit she was wearing. There was no flow
and no grace
in her lines or her mannerisms. Ick.
A Xena lookalike swaggered back and forth next, but she was too short to be
real.
The same goes for the RuPaul lookalike. Again, Miss Ru wannabe was way too
short.
She wasn't even six feet tall!
The winner was a couple of Renaissance members dressed as Dorothy and the
Emerald
City. Yes, someone dressed as the green building Dorothy and Toto were
supposed to
skip towards at the end of the yellow brick road! As Henri stated,
"See, ladies
and gentleman, I'm not the only one crazy enough to do this!"
I tried getting Mr. Peanut to do a photo with us. Mr. Peanut didn't like us
crossdressed
folk. He just did this little ditty-dance and sidestepped away from us.
Whoever you
are in Philadelphia, you are one big poop! We don't like you.
Anyone remember Mimi from The Drew Carey Show? There were a couple of them.
One of
them looked like Drew dressed as Mimi.
There was one fully clad Batman and a couple of girls dressed as Poison Ivy
from
the Clooney Batman movie. One of them had a more Jayne Mansfield-esque body
than
the other who more resembled the short and svelte Uma Thurman. She was
followed by
a stumpy little Elvira wannabe. I think the Jayne Mansfield Poison Ivy was
probably
a man.
A young Asian man in an elaborate gold Thai dancer outfit won Most
Unbelievably Spectacular.
What was interesting was that the outfit was meant to be worn by a female
dancer,
but the man who wore it worked it well. Among the other notable contestants
were
a very handsome male couple dressed as Adam and Eve, complete with fig
leaves covering
their pantyhose covered bodies, and the Statue of Liberty, whose costume
was so large
she couldn't get it onstage so they spotlighted her offstage when it was
her turn
to "walk" onstage.
By far
the largest of the contests year after year is the female impersonator
contest. There
are two awards, one for Most Beautiful and one for Most Believable, and, at
the risk
of sounding like a pompous weenie - I mean queenie - I'll tell you once
again that
I won Most Beautiful back in 1995. I did it like the female impersonator
below, with
lots of padding, a great wig, an even better smile, and a killer dress.
Well, the
girl below needs a little less padding, a better wig, and a better dress.
At least
she's got the smile part right. And, oh yes, maybe she should've turned her
number
plate the other way so the audience could see who the hell she is. If the
judges
really gave a damn about you, they'd try to get your number no matter what.
A Philadelphia favorite named Victoria Michaels won Most Believable Female
Impersonator.
She wore a very elegant sequined and beaded gold gown. Hey, Vicki, give
someone else
a chance! Like, isn't this supposed to be an "amateur" contest?
You wouldn't
know it since more than half the field were all popular female
impersonators from
the Philadelphia and South Jersey area. It's been that way ever since the
contest
was invented.
One of the Asian female impersonators again won Most Beautiful Female
Impersonator.
For the past four years, a Caucasian and an Asian always win... and a good
number
of Philly's female impersonators are African-American! Now, I do not mean
any disrespect
to anyone in the biz, but when you have silicone breast and hip implants
that sag,
you do not - I repeat, you do not - wish to display your wares to
the masses
beneath see-through mesh clothing. Yes, you know who you are, O Sultan of
the Sagging
Swing. You do it every year. That was nasty! NASSSTY!!!
When the last trophy and bouquet were handed out, it was 1:45am and time to
go home.
Another year of spectacular costumes and pageantry had passed. It was now
time for
the Halloween faithful to begin scheming for their next great costume. For
those
of you who can come to Philadelphia for Halloween, I will see you at the
Henri David
Halloween Ball next year!
Soda Pop Buzz
Thursday, December 11 to Saturday, December 13, don't miss Where the
Boyz "R":
A Musical Comedy Drag Revue appearing at Woody's on 13th and Walnut
Streets.
The show features celebrity lookalikes, live vocals, standup comedy, and
fabulous
costumes and stars Kandi Kane, Joanna James, and Dana Danzel. Admission is
$12.
Showtimes are 8:00pm on Thursday and Saturday and 7:30pm on Friday.
Everyone's favorite Latino drag queen wannabe Charo was
performing a few
songs for the national Thanksgiving Day parade from her remote site in
sunny Hawaii.
She was singing or mumbling in Spanish and I could hardly understand what
the hell
she was singing about. She is very well-preserved for whatever age she is
(I'm thinking
she's in her late 50's?). Although she's lost a step in her jiggle wiggle,
she still
has that curvy body most men and crossdressers want.
Ughh... RuPaul has a Christmas CD. A CD on a CD... hee hee. The
pictures
of the once famous Supermodel of the World look airbrushed beyond
recognition. Since
when did Ru have big cleavage-inducing breasts? You can't blame the media
bunny
for trying, though, because most of the recent pop icons have their own
Christmas
CD's: Boyz II Men, Gloria Estefan, Maria Carey, and so on.
Anyone catch a Baltimore Ravens game this season? In the
Ravens-Eagles game,
kicker Greg Montgomery was referred to as the "Dennis
Rodman" of
NFL football. With his frost-tipped hair, deep violet painted nails, and
pierced
tongue, I'd say that this was an accurate description. He is one ugly boy!
Shimmery makeup is the newest trend for the holidays. From glittery golds
and silvers
to sparkly reds and plums, check out your favorite cosmetic line's winter
wares.
Now everything can glitter and sparkle, from loose powder and nail polish
to lip
gloss and even mascara.
Try something decidedly different this holiday season: paint your nails
in different
colors. I've seen some imaginative autumn combinations of gold, green, and
brown.
I personally like a progression of color from one family of colors to
another, such
as red to violet. If you'd like to try this progression, then use the
following
colors: L'Oreal Big Apple Red, Pro-10 Heartbreak,
L'Oreal Laser,
Wet and Wild Blackest Red, and Revlon Violet Xtreme. Apply
two coats,
but be sure to use two coats of a ridge filler before the color and one
coat of topcoat
after the color for best results. Your fingernails or toenails will look
fabulous!
To see more of Kalina, check out her Web
site!
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