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Finding Friends

By D'Lover


Do YOU have a First Time Story? Email it to Cindy and we'll publish it!

I t was September '95 and I had just moved to Sacramento. Knowing that I was going to be there for just a short time I started looking for a gender group the second week I was there. I found the phone number to the Sacramento Gender Association "SGA" listed in the "Tapestry Magazine". Being Brava I called the number and to my surprise a live voice answered. I was speechless. However the other person must have had this happen before because they just started talking like I had already said Hello. The person said Hello; Thank you for calling the Sacramento Gender Association, my name is Ava. Would you like to attend one of our prospective member meetings? Then silence. Ava said this must be your first contact with our group. Do not be afraid, this call is private and no one will ever know about it. Our group meets twice a month and membership is by approval only. In order to attend our meetings we would like to meet with you person to person in order to answer any questions you might have. That way you are not thrown into any uncomfortable situations. Does that sound fair? Silence again.

This time Ava waited unit I answered yes. Good Ava said. I was beginning to think that I had another unspeaking call. It would have been the 3rd tonight. It is usually the same person just getting enough information to feel comfortable enough to speak up. Is this your first call? Yes I replied. From that point on Ava easily befriended me. 30 minutes latter I felt comfortable enough to meet Ava for coffee at a local restaurant. What a good feeling. My next meeting was a very friendly greeting by Ava as I was entering Joseph's for my prospective member interview. It was after work one midweek night and I had stopped in to check things out with Ava. Wittnie a friend of Ava' was just leaving. Ava introduced me and asked Wittnie to stay a little longer to meet me. We all talked for about an hour and then Ava had to leave. We all walked to the parking lot and said goodbye. Wittnie and I then talked for another hour just standing in the, parking lot. Wittnie again gave me directions to the meeting place and offered to pick me up. Another friend, just waiting to be met. Both Ava and Wittnie were very warm and friendly. Taking the next step and going to the dinner meeting was going to be a challenge but everything so far had been easy so my desire to attend the meeting had built to the point of action

As Saturday and my first meeting approached I was filled with a lot of mixed emotions. Some of these emotions were fear, excitement, apprehension, suspicion. Even with all these conflicting emotions I was still hungry for friendship and a desire to be understood by someone. I had declined Wittnie's offer to car pool, probably out of fear, and wanting to keep all my options to leave at my discretion open. Thus I arrived late, usual for me. Even thought I was late I did take some extra time to check out the situation I was about to place myself. I circled the block to check it out. What was I getting into? It was a good quiet neighborhood, fairly lit street, close by parking, and I could see a large group of people inside the Tea Cup Cafe. Ok, this must be the place. I circled the block just one more time to build up my courage and then I was going to just charge ahead. WOW, parking place, right at the front door. I pulled in, put on my lipstick for the first time, Yes, it was for the very first time. My first time to be seen in public with lipstick on. I then checked myself out. Blouse was OK. It was buttoned straight, and tucked in. Pants were OK. Nylons were up. Shoes were OK.

What was I doing?

Stalling for time? Building courage? PRIMPING? NO! NO! NO!

Not Primping.

Not ME!!

That's something my wife does. I never did understand her doing all this primping and I still don't understand why I was doing it then. It must be what happens when someone puts on nylons. The nylons restrict the blood flowing from your legs to your head keeping one from thinking clearly. Anyway everything was finally checked out for the tenth time and everything appears to be OK. So now it's time to join the group. Having talked on the phone with Ava and then going to the interview at Joseph's and meeting Wittnie I had a good idea about what to expect at the dinner meeting

I exited the safety of my car and walked the few steps through the door. I was greeted by a very friendly waitress who asked if she could seat me or was I waiting for someone else. I told her that I was looking for SGA dinner party. She said, Oh them! They are right over here and are just getting started. She then guided me back to the group. Every one says hi, or welcome or something like that. At least it was all friendly. Ava then stood up and formally introduced me. I was seated and everyone then introduced themselves. Dinner was ordered and life just seemed to go on as usual. As usual as any dinner meeting except that most of the attendees were men wearing dresses.

Discussions were about family, friends, people in the hospital, jobs, kids, everyone talking at the same time. After a while I discovered that most of the conversations were centered on their families and kids. What a great group. People with priorities similar to mine. Dinner was served and the conversations continue. What a chatty group it was. Dinner was finally finished and the formal meeting opened. Ten minutes later, last months minutes were read, the financial report given, next months agenda presented and approved, and a motion made to adjourn to Joseph's bar and grill. All members seconded the motion and the meeting was adjourned. As most of the group does go out to Joseph's, another safe haven I am told, I followed along. The evening passed so fast it was 12:30 before I know it. Where did the evening go? I could hardly wait for the next meeting. - BEING OUT - BEING OPEN- it had been so easy, so much fun.

In closing I want to mention J. and J. who were married to each other and were also new at that meeting. Because they were a couple trying to understand this experience they were treated even more kindly than I was. From the looks on their faces they went from being full of questions to being very open and sharing about where they were on this gender road and about their new baby and the tasks of being new parents.

Why had I waited 28 years to do this? Why Now? Why, Why, Why! I know why. It was because from my very fist phone call to the SGA, I was treated as a valued friend, someone whose feelings were important, someone whom the person on the other end of the phone wanted to meet. Having taken those first two steps, to call and then to meet Ava, the dinner meeting just seemed like the most logical thing to do. At the dinner meeting I meet with Lisa and Bernadette, more friends with understanding and compassion. That is "Why Now?" Now because the SGA befriended me, one person at a time through honest loving, compassionate, understanding. Qualities I look for in any organization or group I would want to be associated with.

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