Shopping 101

Big Brother Is Watching You

Now I'm sure you're all wondering just what I meant by that. Well, it's all quite simple, yet it means a great deal to us transgendered folk when we go shopping to outfit our femme-self with whatever we need to bring our alter egos to life. One of my favorite imported British sit-coms that are regularly shown on Public Broadcasting stations from coast to coast is "Are You Being Served" which deals with the misadventures of a wacky bunch of employees in a downtown London department store called Grace Brothers. One of the characters who plays a key part in this series was Captain Peacock, a stiff lipped, blustering ex-military man turned floorwalker in the men's and women's department. For any of you unfamiliar with the show (which is quite a hoot, if I do say so myself), a floorwalker's job is literally that, to walk the floor in search of shoplifters or petty pilferers as such miscreants are called in England.

Here in the states, department stores in the past employed floorwalkers to perform the same task. But with the advent of modern technology, the floorwalker has, in most cases, been completely replaced by video cameras. Which bring me to the meat of this article. The next time you visit a major department store on a shopping spree, look up at the ceiling. Interspersed every one hundred feet or so are globes of dark colored glass. That, ladies, is where the store's surveillance cameras are, and the reason the globes are shaded dark is so that customers or anyone without a trained eye would not be able to tell what direction the lens is pointed. In all the years I had been wandering through department stores in search of everything from nuts and bolts to bras and dresses, I had no earthly ideas these things even existed until February of 1996 when, after a 20 year stint in the Navy, I went to work for Neiman Marcus (or Neiman Markup as it's derisively called because of the high prices on their merchandise).

On my first day during an indoctrination for new workers, I found out just what those globes were and I was shocked. The video cameras are the primary weapon in the store's "Loss Prevention" department, made up of men and women, some, if not most, with backgrounds in law enforcement. Their job is to monitor every floor of the store for shoplifters. The Loss Prevention office, usually tucked out of sight of the customers in an area reserved only for employees, features a bank of monitor screens, upwards of 20 or so, that cover almost every inch of the store, save for the bathrooms.

The reason I'm explaining all this to you is because, as crossdressers, we naturally attract more than a fair amount of attention when we're out and about. Unless your appearance and mannerisms are 110% flawless, people will notice that something's amiss and you're not a Miss. The job of the Loss Prevention people manning those monitors in stores is to look for anything suspicious or out of the ordinary. The latter, I'm sad to say, most definitely applies to crossdressers. When in my male guise during my 18 month tenure in the store, I've seen the LP people pounce on shoplifters after watching the bad guys on the monitors and noting any sort of questionable behavior that would indicate to them that they're up to no good. In places like Neiman Marcus where everything is hideously expensive, the LP staff is doubly vigilant. But, in every major store, trained eyes are fervently watching everything that goes on. With that in mind, here's some useful tips for you; what I call my three A's for shopping while en femme: Appearance, Attitude and Assertiveness.

Appearance: dress appropriately for your outing. That means no short skirts, clingy tops, spike heels or extravagant makeup. Settle for more conservative attire, shirts, pants, flat shoes and minimal use of cosmetics. Blend in with your surroundings as best as possible. And for God's sake, don't even THINK about wearing your "big hair"!

Attitude: I can't say enough here about attitude which goes a long way when it comes to your shopping expeditions. It's important to develop a mindset that you're a shopper and that you deserve to be treated just as fairly as everyone else when you walk into the store. The key here is to have confidence, as long as you believe with all your heart that you belong, you won't be hassled, even if you don't pass with flying colors. After all, crossdressing isn't a crime. Unless, of course, you do it badly.

Assertiveness: As with anything else you do in life, it's always best to have a plan of attack instead of flying by the seat of your panties. Before you hit a store, decide beforehand what you intend to buy, this way you avoid wasting time, and attracting the notice of the LP staff. As I mentioned earlier, their job is look for anything out of the ordinary, and if you're wandering aimlessly from area to area, hopelessly unsure as what you want, that's sure to get you noticed in ways you don't need.

On the subject of dressing rooms... now this is my opinion and my opinion alone, but I'm of the belief that dressing rooms should be avoided like the plague. I know there's been many stories, a lot probably over there in the Library section, about girls who successfully tried on clothes in the store without incident, and that's great. More power to those lucky people. But, let's face facts, girls, those events were no doubt more the exception than the rule. For every positive story about dressing rooms, there are probably just as many negative stories (if not more), some with customers screaming bloody murder to store security about a pervert getting his kicks from watching women in various states of undress, often resulting in unpleasant confrontations with the authorities. My rule of thumb is: if you like something, buy it, take it home and try it on there. If it fits and looks good on you, great. If not, simply return it for a refund. The purpose of your expedition is to have fun shopping, not to become a one woman show under the cameras of the store's LP staff.

If you play it safe and use common sense in regard to your attire and behavior, you'll never have to worry about Big Brother watching you when you're out shopping!


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