
Ramblin' Rose
I Am The Very Model of a
Quintessential Crossdresser
(with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)
By Brittany Rose
I am the very model of a quintessential crossdresser,
I'll give you just a little tip, it's always yes, ma'am, not yes, sir.
I've studied all the greats including Charles Busch and Amazing Leon,
Even those historical like Choisy and the Chevalier D'Eon.
I have each Transformation, and my Sandy Thomas set is through,
I own Priscilla, Birdcage, Tootsie, Garp, along with To Wong Foo.
From Ladylike and CDS, I've learned the proper femme decorum,
I'm even a subscriber to that silly net thing TGForum.
I've never missed an episode on VH1 of RuPaul's show,
I've also watched the wretched sequels of the French La Cage aux Folles.
In short, in matters practical it's always yes ma'am, not yes, sir,
I am the very model of a quintessential crossdresser.
On E! I learn the hot new styles in cities metropolitan,
I read Allure, and Glamour, Vogue, Bazaar and Cosmopolitan.
I know exactly what is meant by camisole and farthingale,
I even know instinctively when Neiman Marcus has a sale,
I now own stock in Ralph Lauren, Clinique, Chanel, and Cover Girl.
My wigs are all brunette and blonde, my favorite has a lover's curl,
My breasts are silicone Mirage, with them there is no gender flaw,
To make the female image right, I even have a Wonderbra.
For my beard I have collected every cover known to be,
And every book on female voice, at least one tape from Melanie.
In short in matters practical, it's always yes ma'am, not yes, sir,
I am the very model of a quintessential crossdresser.
And someday soon I hope to go outside and dress en femme and all,
But until then my fantasies will only be ephemeral.
When I can muster up the will to walk along the boulevard,
Looking like a woman in my jeans, high heels, and leotard,
Or go into a club that's safe and order up a sloe gin fizz
And know that I am looking good and ready to get back to biz.
When I can shop at Sears and pick out ladies' clothing just for me,
And then you'll say my attitude and style will suit me to a T.
My knowledge notwithstanding about fashion, style, and all the rest
With all my gorgeous gowns, I've never had the nerve to wear a dress.
But still in matters practical, it's always yes ma'am, not yes, sir,
I am the very model of a quintessential crossdresser.
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