
By Julie Freeman
Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine
years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie is a regular colunnist for
the DVG newsletter and has also contributed to the ETVC newsletter, Tapestry and the Femme
Mirror. Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995. Her e-mail address is julie39@ibm.net. She
may also be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or by snail mail to DVG, PO Box
272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885
.
Admiration
I have the utmost admiration for those wives and partners who with compassion and understanding
except their husband's transsexualism/transgenderism. We all know these women; they are the ones
that scare significant others, particularly those new to crossdressing, for they are venturing
into that part of genderland that most of us are unwilling and reluctant to go. They are the
ladies that appear on panels or talk shows with "husbands" now living FULL TIME as women, some
having had surgery (post-op transsexuals), others not (pre-op transsexuals or transgenderists).
These are the wives who have made the decision to let their families and friends know that their
lives are now going to be quite different. Once a couple, now two ladies. If there are children
involved, they will need to deal with the strong emotions and intense feelings as the children
begin to realize that Dad as they have known him is gone. Explanations will need to be made to
family members and questions answered.
There will be times when the wife will have to depend on her inner strength to help her through
those times when she misses her "husband" the most.
Invariably careers are affected as colleagues, managers, co-workers, etc., must be apprised of
her husband's decision. Many wives know that their income may well be affected as society
differs in its ability to accept "changes" on the job and not all transitions work smoothly and
without difficulty.
Those of us who accept our husband's crossdressing for the most part have not had to deal with
our husband's wanting to live FULL TIME as a woman. We still have our husbands most of the time
and deal with crossdressing issues on a part-time basis so to speak. We have learned the art of
compromise whereas in the relationships I have described the wife is the one who is doing ALL the
giving and the husband who is doing ALL the taking.
However, most husbands who make this decision to go full time do so only after much
soul-searching and self-examination. We hope they are doing so because they believe it is their
only choice, the only way they can hope to attain some degree of peace in their lives. Because
their wives believe this also, it is why they have come to accept these decisions with
equanimity. We hope they also have peace and serenity in their lives. They deserve it!
(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)
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