The two lives are almost totally separate. Probably only two people who know me as a male have ever 'met' Linda and another two who first knew Linda later have seen me as a male and both of those latter two live thousands of miles away, not likely to ever recognize me.
This voluntary schizophrenia has gone on for years and has seemed to serve me well. However, recently I have found myself wanting to share my secret with some of 'Doug's' friends. One opportunity arose when I was visiting Montreal for a weekend en femme and I learned that one of my old girl friends was going to be in transit, arriving at the train station and transferring to the bus depot. I thought I could 'just happen to meet her' at the station and take it from there.
Mostly, I wanted to see if someone who knew me well as a man would recognize me as a woman. I had to try the idea out on someone who I was pretty sure wouldn't react negatively to Linda. This former girlfriend already knew Linda existed and had seen pictures of 'her' but, as I recalled, never had wanted to be with her.
I arrived at the station with plenty of time to spare. I looked around to see few others waiting for evening arriving trains and most of the women were dressed, like me, in jeans and casual top. Seating myself near the top of the Arrival stairs for the New York train, I waited for Jill to appear. It briefly occurred to me that I might not react well if my ex-girlfriend were to be with a new man. However she came up alone, looked around and headed straight for the ladies room. She passed by me but didn't look in my direction.
It seemed like it was forever that Jill was in the washroom. I became impatient. I entered the washroom but I could see from the feet below the door that Jill was still in a toilet stall.
I couldn't stand at the mirror forever so I went back to the waiting area to sit with an eye on the ladies room exit. Jill eventually appeared and started looking around for the way to the bus station. My predetermined scenario where I would follow her and then casually ask her a question fell apart when she picked me to ask for directions. (Actually that wasn't much of a coincidence as I was the only other person in that section of the waiting room.) As she approached she started to get a strange look on her face. Her first words to me were: "I had a feeling that was something you would do." Yes, I had been read big time. Jill went on to explain that I looked very feminine and passable but she said that while she was in the washroom she had as flash of thought that I was there. When she saw the blonde woman sitting alone she felt that if I was there she was me. (Does that make sense?)
As a man I am often showing up to help her out and she knew that as a woman I was always looking for opportunities to integrate into the straight world. She then reminded me that she had seen photos of me as Linda. She also had recalled that recently I had been spending more and more time in Montreal, going to Cleopatra's and shopping.
We sat together and talked, not about my appearance but about her trip to New York. She told me about the friends she had stayed with and she showed me the new outfits she had bought. It occurred to me that we were chatting as two female friends and that felt great.
Too soon it was time to take Jill to her bus. As we walked to my car we shared the task of carrying her bags; 'Doug' would have carrried them all.
As she boarded the bus Jill turned to me and said, "It was nice meeting Linda, I hope we do it again." So do I.