By Angela Gardner

W ell girls, I almost made it. One recent Sunday I decided to wear a fashion forward, New York City kind of outfit and when you dress for it there's only one place to show it off--New York, New York. I put on my black tights, stacked heel patent Mary Janes, little black dress, denim jacket accessorized with a leopard print scarf and hit the New Jersey Turnpike for the Big Apple.

(Angela is one of the world's great shoppers. Check out a recent story by her on how to shop smart. --Ed.)

Someone said that New York City is the world's biggest closet and I think that's true since nobody gives a six-foot-one red head a second look. (Well, a few looks at the gams from leg aficionados and a couple of inquiring gazes from German tourists.) That city is full of tall women who are fashion forward.

I lunched with a chum in the Village (a closet in a closet) and then headed uptown to shop. I walked all around the Rockefeller Center area and stopped at a couple of chi-chi shops. Then, there it was... the Fashion Cafe, the home of haute, the hot bed of anorexic super models. I had to stop for a Martini. Unfortunately, I glanced at my Mona Lisa watch and found that my meter (they make you pay on Sundays in Midtown now!) was running out and Mona's big hand was too far around the dial to let me stop for a snort of chilled vodka. Darn. I was looking forward to careening down the turnpike in a vodka haze. (Seriously girls, don't drink and drive. Make your date take the wheel.)

Anyway, I guess I'll have to do the Fashion Cafe thing in a future trip. Soon! Now, here's the dish.

Johnson Keeps His Word

When Don Johnson first had a new series idea he promised network execs it would be trendy and modern with all the things an action packed cop show needs to succeed, like transvestites. Well, the show (Nash Bridges) was on a few times before he got around to featuring guys in dresses, but on April 19th he gave us what we wanted---RuPaul- and a bevy of beauties. The girls were portraying "transgendered sex workers." Ooo! How politically correct.

Anyway, it seems the TV hookers were being harassed and beaten up on one of their top money making streets. They did the sensible thing and went to the police, who didn't lock them up for soliciting but promised to help them out. One thing (looking through mug shots for the perp) leads to another (deciding that they need an undercover cop on the street) and RuPaul, who plays the den mother of the street queens, says the cops who volunteer for the duty just won't do. That includes the female detective, "You're too real."

Officer Cortez attracts Ru's gaze since he has nice slim hands and a good feminine build. He, of course, protests vehemently but is given the assignment. It's doubly tough on this poor macho boy (played glamorously by Jamie P. Gomez) since his girlfriend has been kind of cold in bed lately. Now he finds himself in the station house's men's room trying on hooker outfits and worrying about his lip gloss. He disagrees angrily when Ru assures him that "This dress is you."

The funniest scene is when Cortez asks Nash Bridges for relationship advice while they use the urinals. Cortez is in full glam drag and Bridges has an amused look on his face. The transgender sex worker plot is full of twists and turns and it's brought together with the other main plot in a clever and transgender friendly way. Cortez decides to keep his hooker outfit after the assignment ends but not for the reason you may think. I'll keep the good stuff quiet in case Nash Bridges lasts into reruns. Keep your heavily made up eyes open for a plot about a missing anti-armor missile launcher. Leave it up to Don Johnson to tie together missiles and transvestites.

Wonder If he Wears A Cup, Or An "A" Cup?

How about that Dennis Rodman, huh girls? Here's one big time jock who's not afraid to show his feminine side. He attended a recent book signing in a feather boa and Divine like makeup. Dennis, cut down on the liner just a tad. But seriously, nobody in the sports world (Like I pay any attention to the sports world. My favorite sport is clearance sale bargain diving) has made a major deal out of Rodman's crossdressing, and he's been pretty up front about it, too. I suppose that's cause he plays a hell of a game of basketball. If he started to miss too many shots the sequined pump might be on the other foot.

His ex-wife appeared on Hard Copy or one of those infotainment TV shows and told the world all about his wild lifestyle. Dating Madonna was part of that. I wonder who wore the pants, or the glitter encrusted G string, on that date?

Rodman has said publicly that he enjoys wearing women's clothes and he attributes it to being raised with several sisters. Guess he just had to adapt to the hand me downs. Was that his older sister's feather boa he wore on Saturday Night Live? We'll have to ask his mom.

With guys like Rodman on the sports front, RuPaul in the entertainment world and Howard Stern as the Queen of all media it won't be long till we see a crossdressing president in the White House. Of course, maybe we already had one? Who's to say? I can hear it now, "I am not a crossdresser. That's J. Edgar's chemise."

The Governor Was A Queen

Speaking of government figures who crossdress... back in March the Philadelphia Inquirer Magazine had an article all about New Jersey which included a section devoted to NJ governors who have worn dresses.

Turns out in all the years that New Jersey has been around as a ruled realm only two of its governors have worn dresses: Christy Todd Whitman and Edward Lord Cornbury. Yes, Eddie, who was the man in charge from 1703 to 1708 liked his dresses. He said it was because he was so fond of his relative, Britain's Queen Anne. (He looked a lot like her.) He often dressed like her and even sat for his official portrait in a beautiful blue gown. His hands must have been feminized by the artist for they appear to be quite slim and delicate as the governor toys coquettishly with a fan. It does look as if the artist left some of the governor's beard shadow (I wonder what colonial crossdressers did for beard cover? Ye olde Derma Blende?) but Cornbury still makes a comely lass.

If you want to see the portrait for yourself it is in the possession of the New York Historical Society. The next time I stroll around Manhattan in my best frock I'll have to look the place up and pay homage to one of our earliest role models. I bet Queen Anne used to send Cornbury communiqués that read, "You better work, girlfriend." Thanks to Lizabeth for sending me the article.

Speaking of The Queen..

Her mom, the Queen Mother, had a hip replaced back in November. Oh, don't worry she's doing fine. Well, she is a bit upset about Charles and Di, but at least her hip is OK. That's cause one of the surgeons who was entrusted with the operation was a noted member of the British surgical establishment and a transsexual.

For years William Muirhead-Allwood has been living a double life (as well as having triple names)--William in the operating room and Sarah in his spare time. Sarah hasn't decided on having SRS yet but she feels it's the logical outcome of transsexuality. (Those British, always the traditionalists.)

No word on how the Royals felt about a transgendered surgeon but Sarah says her colleagues have all been supportive. Heck, they're probably putting in bids on the SRS job. Sarah felt she had to go public with her gender identity before the British press did the job for her. They were hot on the trail like a pack of rabid ferrets and seeing the job they've done on the Royals Sarah was smart to beat them to the punch. Good luck Sarah.

Queens On The Screen

Those versatile Canadian comics have released their first feature film, Kids In The Hall Brain Candy. (Not as long a title as some of our recent TG hits but still, pretty long.) The boys who were noted for playing many of the female roles on their TV show don't disappoint us in this film, they play several female roles.

When asked by -David Letterman- if all the drag says anything, K.I.T.H. member Scot Thompson said, "It says we're Canadian and we like to dress up in drag."

And dress up they do.We all know and love their characters from the television show. (If you don't, get cable and start watching them on Comedy Central.) In the film the five Kids perform a total of thirty different characters. The female characters break down as follows: Bruce McCulloch portrays Alice, Kevin McDonald is Doreen, Mark McKinney plays Nina Bedford (a talk show hostess), a teenage girl named Melanie and the White Trash Woman, and Scott Thompson does Mrs. Hurdicure and The Queen. Oh yeah, they do some male roles too.

Despite Thompson's take on why the boys do so much drag, Mark McKinney says it stems from the British music hall comedy tradition which always went down well in Canada. The Kids are so loved in their native land the first weekend Brain Candy opened there they pulled in $265,769 for the number five position. They only played at 37 theaters across the great White North so even though the gross seems low, it was actually better than many of the pictures playing at more theaters.

The plot revolves around a pharmaceutical company that develops a radical new anti-depressant called Gleemonex. Of course it has certain side effects. (makes you want to dress like a girl. Just kidding!) Brain Candy sounds like the perfect mood altering film for Spring. Check it out if you can still find it in a theater or take a peek at their website. Speaking of websites, you may also wish to check out Scott Thompson's official website . You can download a clip of Scot as The Queen at this location.

I Shot Andy Warhol Hits The Theaters

It's finally out kids. A few years back, before Andy died in a completely non-dramatic manner (the hospital screwed up) Andy was dramatically shot by a woman who wasn't really seeking her fifteen minutes of fame. She just wanted Andy dead. Her name was Valerie Solanas and she founded a group, of which she was the only member, called SCUM--The Society for Cutting Up Men.

In the loose manner of the Swinging Sixties she fell in with Andy and his wild Factory scene. She was actually introduced to the scene by one of Andy's male actresses, Candy Darling. Seems the three of them had a little bit of a thing, if you know what I mean. Valerie got over it and decided to waste the evil Andy. After he even let her appear in one of his films. Some people have no gratitude. Candy Darling is played by Stephen Dorf, the lad who played the Beatle who died in Backbeat. I was anxious to see how well he did as the fabulous Candy so I rooted out the official website, I Shot Andy Warhol. Check it out. It's done in the wild Sixties pop art style with great photos of Dorf as Candy and you can download clips... if you've got a half hour or so to kill. The May issue of US magazine had a photo layout of Dorf and I thought it might have a picture of him as Candy. No such luck. All the pictures are exceedingly macho. They're so macho I suspect Dorf did it to try and distance himself from the Candy character. One photo has him wearing a blonde wig slightly askew and sporting several days growth of beard. Some boys can be so threatened by panties and bras. Don't worry Stevie, we won't think you're a sissy. After all girls, he's dating Clueless star Alicia Silverstone. Cool? Like, totally! Two beautiful blondes.

Warhol's a Drag

People magazine jumped into the Warhol vortex by publishing a photo layout of what it called Andy in drag. Actually he was made up and wore several different wigs but no actual women's clothing. The photos were taken in 1981 by Christopher Makos and were inspired by Man Ray's photos of Marcel Duschamp as his femme alter ego.

The photos were featured on the People website on April 28 and may still be out there. Search for People magazine and see if you can find them. They're very interesting. It makes you wonder how much faster drag in the Big Apple would have caught on as an art form if Andy hadn't just promoted queens but came out as one himself. Guess we'll never be able to gaze into that alternate reality.

Just Like a Creep

Our favorite male actor in a dress would have to be -Adrian Pasdar-, the heroine of that charming British crossdressing flick, Just Like a Woman. Well, I don't know if it's creeping Dorfism or just the desire to play very different characters but Adrian is starring in a series for Fox called Profit. Pasdar has the title role and boy is his character slime. This guy has the conscience of a clam. While it's good to know Pasdar is still working but it's a pity he's gotta be such a creep. Oh well, I guess some girls find that kind of guy attractive... gee, maybe he'll buy me a drink at the Fashion Cafe... nah.

Last Minute Musing

Anybody see the Mountie on Due South in drag? He was a little bit dowdy but he was concerned that his outfit might not be stylish. He had to do it... an all girl school needed infiltrating. John Lithgow could have given Mountie Frasier a little fashion advice, he's been in drag often enough. In April he did another foray into femininity on his show Third Rock From The Sun. Jane Curtin's character needed some private time with other women and though the High Commander pleaded to come to her women's discussion group she laid down the law. He decided he needed to get in touch with his femininity (remember, he's really an alien who's trying to study everything about Earth) and he gets gussied up and goes to the meeting. While he's there he is taken for a lady by everyone (even though he's about two feet taller than anyone in the room) but Jane and their secretary. After he makes a move on Jane word spreads through the college that she is a lesbian. That's funny... me too!

Anyway girls, the hour grows late, my manicure is still not done for tomorrow's en femme activities and that clip I downloaded from the I Shot Andy Warhol site keeps crashing my computer. Thank goodness I saved this column:lll[? UNEXPECTED END OF FILE!!!


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