"You're what?"




Thought Trans-mission

Melody Griffiths


This column is designed to be about thoughts, feelings, and events a young transsexual goes through in her quest to discover who she is, and become who she wants to be -- both serious and humorous. The viewpoints expressed in this column may be inflammatory, and as such are not to be considered the opinions of the editors or owners of Transgender Forum -- solely the author of the column, Melody Griffiths. Comments on this column may be sent to the address posted at the end.
If there's one thing that can be both heart-wrenching and humorous at the same time, it's coming out.

Trevor sat there vigorously working his Chinese worry balls, staring at his roommate very oddly. He had had a hard day -- Trevor had been fired from his job -- and now his roommate just told him he liked to wear dresses.

No, it was more than that. He wanted to be, no, he said he *was*, a she. If Trevor didn't know him so well, he might think it was a joke, but this person was one of the most stable people he'd ever known.

After having a few drinks, sitting in front of the TV, he had turned to him and asked him: "Trevor, do you think I'm stable? Like, do you think I know what I'm doing, and wouldn't do anything without there being a really good reason for it...?"

Trevor felt that there was something really big coming, and tried to prod his roommate into answering, but all he did was sit there staring at him, insisting that he answer the question.

"Ugh, yeah, I'd say you are."

"Do you think of me as gay...?"

Trevor was taken aback. Is this what this is about...? "Well, I've noticed you're a bit feminine, but I don't see you sleeping with guys either, so I don't, really..."

"That's the problem. The feminine bit, I mean. I'm a transsexual -- that is, I feel like a girl, and I want to become one."

Trevor went into shock, and sat there, drooling, for a minute. His brain froze up, and went into overload. This was not what he had expected. Not at all. But here it was. He must be dreaming.

"Are you serious?" he gasped.

His roommate sighed, "Yes. Have you noticed how I've been quickly getting out of things on the computer when you come near me...? I've been talking to other transsexuals and getting more information, and I've come to the conclusion that this is what's right for me."

Trevor pondered this for a minute, and asked "Do your parents know...?" and his roommate answered positively, and that they were going to be supportive of him as he became a her.

Which brought him to the current moment.

His roommate poured back a drink, he did likewise. "So, what name are you going to use...?" he asked casually. "Melody," his roommate answered, "and you can call me Mel in short, and 'she' around people who know about me. You can call me Mel anytime, and I'd prefer it, because it is androgynous... I don't want to hear that male name much anymore."

"All right, Melody... so, have you been wearing skirts around here when I'm not home...?"

"Sometimes," Melody answered, and Trevor rolled his eyes, "but not too often because I was afraid you were going to come home and discover me. Would you like me to get dressed and show you now...?"

"No, there's people coming over, it wouldn't be a good idea." Trevor also didn't think he could deal with it -- he was having enough problems just dealing with the concept of it, let alone reality... "So, you're like going to do everything? The sex change operation too...?"

Melody giggled, "Yes, would you like me to describe it? First they castrate you and then they..."

"No!" Trevor yelped, "That's quite all right." He grimaced and held his crotch, "It's not my thing. It will be interesting when I see 'you' for the first time though..."

Melody smiled. "Yes, it will."


Since then, I've come out to a lot of people, and Trevor has been very supportive, although as he watches me physically become more and more female, he's starting to have problems dealing with his sexuality. I hope it doesn't ruin our relationship, though...

Other neat moments in coming-out history...

My gay ex-roommate: "Well, I always knew there was something a little odd about you, you did live with us, didn't you...?"

My cousin, after I told him. "All right, OK, whatever." After he saw me dressed the next day, and his jaw went to the floor: "I thought you were joking!"

Another male friend: "Well, if you're cool, I'm cool, and that's cool." And another: "You know, I'd go out with you if I didn't know, well, you know..."

An old girlfriend: "So, you're becoming a woman! Welcome to the club!" And another: "So, can we swap clothes then...?"

Lecherous family member: "Are those things real?"

Grandfather (to his friends): "I'd like to introduce you to my grand- daughter, Melody..." (I cried after that one...)

Step-grandmother: "It's just too bad you can't go through pregnancy..."

And finally my Dad: "I'm not surprised. Not at all." (He thinks he knows everything :)

And not-so-neat...

Ex-friend: "What? Did you fall down the stairs and shake something loose? Want me to help you jar it right again...?"

Uncle: "What in the hell would you want to be a woman for...?" (He's coming around now though...)

I think I'll leave it heavy on the good, and light on the bad. It is certainly a unique experience, coming out, and one I'm sure we'll all remember for the rest of our lives -- the freedom that you don't have to live in fear and shame anymore. There isn't much else like it.

And, if you're wondering about how coming out to my immediate family went, watch for a future column...


Melody Griffiths is a 21 year-old pre-op transsexual living full-time in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. She is a musician, a keyboardist and composer who loves cats, kids, flowers, and art of all forms. She can be mailed at: ua770@freenet.victoria.bc.ca

Lazarus always thought Andy Libby was a little funny, but at
least she was finally happy now...
(Ref: The Number of the Beast, Robert A. Heinlein.)

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