Beyond Passing

By Claudia Wrede

(Claudia comes to us from Germany, a nation with numerous TGF readers)

For many transgendered people passing is not simply a matter of choice (as it should be) because society allows only two gender roles. If you can't pass in one of these roles, you're an outcast .

This attitude is extremely discriminating to all transgendered people who are not able to pass, or who don't want to pass, and we should do all we can within the community to encourage and support non-passing transgendered people.

Some Theory

But while it would be nice if society made more room for people who don't fit into the stereotype of male or female, the reality is that it is easier to try and pass than it is to deal with the hostilities of those who cannot accept people as they are. I try to pass, as most of my sisters do. Passing can be fun and gives me a sense of achievement (whether dark street or well lighted bar, of importance is the personal challenge). Second, I do it as a mark of respect to my fellow human beings, to whom I don't usually disclose my affairs. Third, of course I am afraid of being rejected.

Without any doubt, men and women are very different in many aspects of their anatomy. And for some T*'s it will be definitely a hopeless try in many situations, getting acceptance as a woman. Yet for many people most of these differences are not that obvious and there will also be many settings, where you can pass in the transgendered role. Especially, if you get a little support.

Remember too that becoming "female" is not necessarily something that comes naturally, even to women. The fact is, even a genetic girl has to learn a lot to do well socially. And there is absolutly no reason, why a genetic boy can't learn a lot of that stuff, too. It may not be easy - but it can be done.

But passing isn't just about learning the mechanics of walk, talk and appearance. One's mental attitude and self-esteem are crucial too.

The Psychological Aspects

Like the term "passing", the terms "woman" and "feminine" are relative, since they deal with our beliefs. Of course there are ideal types, but they exist only in fantasy and the media. Reality is different. In the real world there is no perfection, but even the homliest of women "passes" because of the "feminine" impression she leaves in the eye of her beholders.

This is why self-esteem can be the crucial element in passing. Around the clock the average citizen divides his world emphatically into men and women. His wish to discover a cross-dresser is about as strong as his wish for a third leg.

If he is unsure whether somebody is a woman he may get a little anxious, but probably will do nothing. But, if his feelings tell him that the person is about it, too, then he will get suspicious. Now he will take a close look and possibly read her because of her uncertainty.

Most people want to believe what they see. If the transgender person says something to the effect of, ""beg your pardon, sir, but do you really want to insult me? Of course I am a woman!" he won't ask further questions. Most people don't want trouble and would be embarassed to mistake a woman for a man. Even in cases when anatomy speeks quite clearly against it, he will be content with her statement, for he'll never know. And, between you and me, he doesn't want to know.


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