Bulletin Board Posts

© 1996 Transgender Forum


May-July 1996



All BBS Posts are in theLibrary

Topics included Support Groups, Spousal Cross-dressing, Getting Caught,
the Hardest Thing about Crossdressing, Gay Community Relationship and other subjects...


Hi! Yes, I have been to several meetings and they really do help to sort out what you really think of yourself. I would recomend that all the ladies try to find a support group their area and go. You will find those who understand and are to cry or laugh with you. Please go! love ya, Sheryl Lynn

nuqk63@prodigy.com


Dearest friends, so glad to be back in touch. recently moved from Jacksonville ille, Fla. Huge difference! Albuquerque is freedom from the bigotry and hatred of the Christian coalition. Take heart and have courage, we are all of the same spirit, LOVE! wE MUST create self love first

April


Hi everyone. I'm new to TGF and to transgender experiences. I am a straight husband that enjoys being feminine and dressing in sensual femine attaire. I have finall admitted to myself, at 48 that I am transgender in spirit. Am 6'4" and interested in where to get the right clothes and lingere? Any advice on hormone therapy (preferrably external) in removing body hair and enlarging my breasts woiuld be appreciated. All comments are welcomed. This is a scary moment. Thanks, Denise

Denise


No, I've never been to such an event. The shame of having the desires, etc. of being outed, of finally admitting... that's it! Even after 20 years of aching to be female, fear still keeps me clinging desperately to the notion that I will "get over it". As if I could somehow majically stop getting horny and drifting off into fantasies of being a woman! I even cling to hopes that I will fall in love with an incredibly gorgeous woman and thus be permanently transformed into a straight man by the power of love... who am I kidding? The girl of my dreams is nothing more than the woman I would be as a post-op... (help!)

Sarah Marie Scott


I already posted my answer to the question about meetings, but I have to take this opportunity to say more. At 36, I have lived with the knowledge that I would be happier as a female since i was 14. But the thought of beginning the process, making that HUGE committment scares the hell out of me. But I either have to go through with it or live the rest of my life pretending to be straight and acting out my fantasies in secret and being ashamed of them. I am not gay, and I am not TV. I am either truly TS or truly messed up. Can anybody out there relate to what I call "the snowball effect"? Once I start dressing and having sex w/men, the desire for SRS grows rapidly!

Sarah Marie Scott


Reading Amanda's message on how the TG community should possibly become more outspoken in the desire for more recognition made me think a little. I at one time thought in the same way, but I came to believe in the following; that for people such as myself who are following through with transition with the ultimate aim and dream of becoming female in all but our genetic code, many do not become outspoken, prefering anonymity in the, shall I say, denial, of ever having existed as a male. This is something I personally relate to as the last 17 years of my life (since I became aware of my problem in early childhood), have posed nothing but despair and confusion. These years are something I would like to eliminate from my history. In becoming outspoken in a quest for more recognition as a transsexual I would be forced to recognise and live my past. When my transition is complete, this may be an approach I may take: elimination of my physical and emotional past, it would be much better than living with it in the present. Please do not think I am trying to discredit or badmouth anyone, I am merely posing an idea. Warmest regards,

Jessica


Thanks to my mother dressing me up continuously when I was a teenager I now find myself hopelessly addicted the the very thing i hated so much back then. I love dressing up in the most feminine clothes I can buy and have a lovely supportive wife. I Have been to a transgendered support group but i find that I realy do have it together as far as crossdressing goes. Enjoy it, do it often, and above all don't feel you owe anyone else an excuse for it. I never thought i would see the day when I when i actualy thanked my mother for the times she dressed me up. She is very supportive as well. Enjoy your dressing. Barbara. (email on this subject is always welcome)

Barbara


"chica" venezolana busca amigas (biologicas o sociales) para intercambiar ideas y opiniones, acerca del camino femenino ...Jossy e-mail:102213.3234@compuserve.com

jossy


You had a recent topic about being caught. My first time out, I wasn't "caught", but I panicked. I tried to go to a movie because I thought that in the dark I would be safe. I was not as well made up as I should have been and the ticket taker giggled at me. I ran. I fell in my high heels on the slippery floor of the mall. I was in real terror. I did not try it again for years. My first step next time was to get a cosmetics demonstration at a department store counter.

Carol W.


Whether to become involved with my local TG support group is one of my unresolved issues. Although I've contacted them, I did not follow through by meeting with them, either individually (they offered) or with the group. The companionship seems desireable but I strongly sense that such involvement could harm rather than help my situation. Given my prejudicial viewpoint, I probably would not be welcome there anyway. By the way, I am a life-long M to F TV and not entirely happy about it.

Bobbi B.


Many years ago I did go to a TS support group and again a few months ago. These are great places to go IF you are just starting out or if you feel more comfortable in a small secure private group of girls who need to be with others in a similar situation. I found that I felt so out of place - and that I did not have much in common with the group. All of us at one time or another have taken that first step into the real world - and have moved on - and have enjoyed all the thrills of being part of society. Mny of the girls in these groups simply do not want to move on - or they do not have the self confidence to take the next steps. I know this is not true with all groups or all members but this has been my experience. The real thrill of dressing is getting out into the real world - developing the self confidence needed to pass - and having all the fun that comes with going out. Debbie Allen.

Debbie Allen


I found the TG community on the net. TG Forum's chat and articles helped me feel that I was not the only one in the world that was Trans. Support groups are a place to meet real transpeople in the flesh, much different than in cyberspace. Check them out, my first meeting was weird, not what I expected, but I have sense connected with the local community. Love Diana

Diana Michaels


I know that support/resource groups are not for everyone. The St. Louis Gender Foundation, who maintain a web page on the TG Forums Community Center, supplied the scratch that fit my itch, helped me feel better about myself, and has supplied me with answers to many of my questions about being transgendered. No matter what my question, there seems to be someone there that has faced that hurdle before, and can give me ideas on how to get over it myself. It's been a valuable resource to help me find my way.

Christy Kay


Support groups are not a be all to end all. They are a starting point which first allows you to SEE that there are others pretty much like you. Then, you can pick and choose who you become true sisters with (unlike family) and from that, friendships are born.

daralyn s maxwell


If you are considering hormones, I do have advice. I have been on them for 18 months now. I was put on them by my SO, a nurse. Side effects you bet, adjusting to the differences in your body. There is no more sexual gratification, your a lot smaller in size, the fat distribution becomes difficult to hide, pants don't fit right, and your breasts are tender for a while but then how do you conceal their development. Yes, there are mood swings. But I wouldn't turn back now.

Babs


RE: Julie Burchill's column. Julie Burchill strikes me as an ignorant, biggoted woman unhappy and resentful that she had been born female. I would gladly trade and suffer the 'indignities' of menstruation, childbirth and menopause in exchange for the lifetime of sheer torture and pain of being trapped in the wrong body and having to deny my true self to my loved ones and the world at large. There is enough hatred and intolerane in the world without Ms. Burchill's unprovoked attack and attempt at journalistic sensationalisn and moralistic finger-pointing at the expense of others. Susan Ashleigh Thatcher

Susan Ashleigh Thatcher


I have never been to a group meeting because of fear that I would not measure up to their expectations. Babs

jbardzil@aol.com


Cheryl UK wrote about the journalist Julie Burchill, who attacked us via the medium of Sarah Muirhead-Allwood, the prominent London surgeon who outed herself as TS rather than be a victim of the dreadful British tabloids. Chery, don't sweat it. The Express and its like will always tend to treat us as freaks (though their actual news coverage of Sarah was fair). Burchill is a jerk, pretending to be hip but deeply reactionary, for all her talent. Janice Raymond, (THE TRANSSEXUAL EMPIRE) makes many of the same points It's not actually racism (which implies dislike of color to my mind), but it springs from the same root, which is dislike of a group of people because of what they are and cannot help being. Burchill's correct on one point, though: the fact that an awful lot of TG people can behave like classic male louts toward the real women in their lives. I know that isn't you, because I know what you're going through. But as a general point there is too much truth in it for comfort.

Emily


Hi All Now I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this. I hope you excuse me if it isnt I am looking for a Photographers in the London or Home Counties where my wife and I can go to get some great pics of us done together (Nothing Sexual) There was a place called Girls Like Us in London they have unfortunatly closed down... If anybody has any info I would be please to recieve it either by mail or by posting here... Thanks Tara XX

Tara


This message is for Sondra(Il): The lady from Streator is named Vanessa, and is in the chat room cafe later on in the evenings. I told her about you, and she is very excited! Hope this helps you! Dayna Christine

Dayna Christine


If If I found my spouse dressed like the opposite sex, Id be thrilled.It would indicate her acceptance of my crossdressing.

Debbie


I'd say, "I'm going to change, and we're going to hit the town!" My wife has played around with a "Julian" identity, and I think it's great. Finally we don't have to restrain our affection in public! She doesn't get the same thrill I do, but still thinks it's fun. Passes better than I do, too. -Jade

Jade


I am reaching the stage in my life where I can live fully as a woman, but I would really like to know if there is any way in which I can become pregnant. It would be a dream come true if I could have a baby, and I have no idea where to even begin looking for information on whether this is even theoretically possible. Please e-mail me if you know anything for sure. Nicole

Nicole


For me to come home and find my wife wearing male clothing is nothing new. At our house, this is a normal occurance. She is all the time ripping off or borrowing my clothes, all except for underwear since I have switched almost exclusively to panties. She claims to be a lot more comfortable. However, if she catches me in her clothing, I have sheer hell to pay for the next couple of days. She just cannot or will not understand why anyone in their right mind would actually want to wear bras, girdles and pantyhose, let alone screw around with all the make up and typically pointed women's shoes. She claims to be trying to understand my side, but after 22 years of marriage, I say that actions are louder than words. Robyn Smith
The hardest part of crossdressing for me is to have people staring at me.Maybe it is because I'm quite a shy person and in Malaysia, the rules against cross dressing are quite strict.

Jenny C


Judy, I really enjoyed your story. I would love to read more stories about a girls first night out on a date. Especially if he was unsuspecting. What a thrilling coming out Judy. Love Sara

Sara


I do think my SO would ever CD. She knows I have CD. About 6 weeks ago I purged. It was for her. She was accepting my CD . As long as it was only under cloths, but I could see it was brothering her more and more. I do not wont to loss her. We have been married 40+ years. I'm 62 Been CD Sinces about 10 or 12. But I still dream of CD. Mybe I still can from time to time.I also have grown children who would never except my CD. Any way I do enjoy reading all the postings . mybe in the next life I'll be what I should have been in this one. Hugs Paula

Paula


I dated a girl once who I thought was pretty open to guys in makeup and dresses, but as time passed my intuition picked up on her unsuredness of my 'crossdressing'. It started with comments about my men's breifs being too much like girl's panties and went on to being coerced and pressured into wearing standard mens garb; black jeans/cutoffs, boots, and t-shirts(I guess you could say we were goths). I began to resent her for not accepting me for who I was and what I chose to put on a particular day(which I rarely, if ever, go for a full-metamorphized look). I Began to feel victim of conditional love and among other long-standing issues eventually broke up with her. That was one of the smartest and most mature things I've ever done. Frankly, I don't see how you boys (that do not have kids) can stand to live in your spouses cage. But love works wonders, as they say... Or is that fear? Oh well, nevermind. I like you all and consider you brothers at arms(even if we are wearing legg's sheer to waist)! Back to the topic...

Once, cindy(as I will name her), got dressed up to go out one night and wore tux shorts, jacket, shirt, boots and did her hair and makeup so that she appeared very boy-ish. I thought it was odd at first(go figure ;)), but then realized what it might be like for a woman to see her guy in drag. It was kind of neat. I mean she didn't dress ultra-feminine all the time but this was something new. Sadly, this was the only time she ever 'crossdressed'. Again, it would strike me a bit odd that a woman would want to dress as a man, seeing as how she can pretty much do this anyway, and it might wierd me out a little at first, but i think I would like it. After all, clothes don't make us boy or girl :)

"I don't have time for lies and fantasies and neither should you" -Johnny Rotten

love, Aion

Aion


As a pre-op T/S who happens to be 6'4", I cannot say that many could ever be less invisible than I will be. However, there is also a state of mind that accompanies this (whether dressing or crossing the gender line) in which you MUST be comfortable with the role that you are designating for yourself. As a divorced person, I have no one to explain this to, but most of my friends are married, hetero cross-dressers and to them this IS a serious issue. You must find the courage to overcome your fear of the world. When I first started going out, I thought that either lightning would strike me, or I would get the daylights beaten out of me. We all take THAT chance. However, giving in to your female side, and allowing a spouse/partner/S/O to participate is an act of love. Their love will be the act of acceptance; yours will be that of patience. Then again, there are limits. I wrote an essay last year (which caused no little stir here in Maine) and stated quite toungue-in-cheek that I didn't want a man who cross-dressed. In my situation, that would pose the ultimate irony. Anyway, unless you are married to a female Rush Limbaugh, acceptance will probably come with time. To all who join the gender identity struggle, accept help and support where you can find it. It can be a hellishly lonely road for the stalwart. Dalmax

Daralyn S Maxwell


yes,my spouse dresses male all the time,but the fact she's not t.g. makes all the difference i think :)

danacd


Well as for the topic this week, it had crossed my mind once when marrried, but now I am divorced. I can't answer that objectively. I would like to hear from other sister who are in recovery (Friends of Bill W.) I think it's an issue that needs to be brought to the forefront in the TG community. I struggled for many years in my diesese. I am sober now and dealing with life on it's terms and have accepted that I am TS and ran from that fact. I must now have the courage to move forward and transition. It's a road filled with willingness, patience and labor. If any other sister s can relate email me!!!!

Renee


What is hardest for me? Well, Having to stay cooped up while dressed up! I live in a small town is southwest Arkansas, and folks around here are pretty backwards to anything 'not of (what they consider) the norm'. So happy would I be to be able to go out as whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted! Thanks so much TGF, for helping me and so many others to accept their other self. Courtney

Courtney


On the topic of should TG be part of the LBG social structure. Yes! I think that gay, lesbian and bi's have made such a political stand in their struggle, that I think that we can achieve this with their help. I feel frustrated that so many of us are still in the closet and when offered the opportunity to go out en-femme, we usually have to revert back to our male image. If, however, we ban together, and let mainstream society know we exist, then I think that TG can become as successful as LBG communities.

Amanda


Hello,
I'm 31, and have loved dressing up from the Duran Duran/ Nick Rhodes '80s. I prefer woman as partners. I'm not gay, I did try that but I realy like dressing up . Am I alone,and what do I say to the girl I love.?!? Kali

Kali


Its easy for me to say "no problem" as I've done that to my spouse, however, if I were not a CD then I would question her, but would not judge her. As long as it did not interfere in the relationship i.e. I'm ignored, or another person takes my place, I would be accepting. I might even try to get enthusiastic (at least supportive) as I would still love her. (actually many woman seem to dress as pseudo males now). Diane Kaye

Diane Kaye


If she wants to dress like a man, fine with me so long as she doesn't stop me from dressing as a woman.


AN ARTICLE BY JULIE BURCHILL SUNDAY EXPRESS ENGLAND 14th JULY 96 Dressing to make me cross As OF this week, Mr William Muirhead. All wood, a surgeon who has attended the Queen Mother and has a thriving private practice in Wimpole Street, will be known as Miss Sarah K. Muirhead-Allwood. He has, effectively, outed himself as a transsexual to pre-empt exposure in a Sunday newspaper and is supposedly a jolly good fellow, a regular little hero for doing so. Am I the only living being who finds transsexual and transvestite men embarrassing, patronising and not a little contemptible? We wouldn't tolerate a white man dressing up and, indeed, blacking up in imitation of a Negro, would we? So why are cross-dressing men, who are only too happy to accept all the privileges that their gender confers on them when it suits them, thought to be admirable for taking a cheap holiday in someone else's misery (and stilettos) whenever the fancy takes them? The day a man suffers the indignities of menstruation, the menopause and childbirth, I'll give him some respect when he tries to borrow my devore blouse. Until then, I'd have a modicum more time for such men if they didn't, invariably, have some stunned, shocked, short-changed and longsuffering wife in the background forced to pick up the pieces of her life and her underwear that her selfish spouse has left so gaily scattered around her. Not only do I find these remarks tasteless and racist I get the feeling Julie Burchill doesn't enjoy being woman. I would gladly suffer the "indignities" of childbirth, menstruation and the menopause if I could only be the woman I've longed to be since I was a child. If like me you would like to write to The Sunday Express to tell them what YOU think their e-mail address is letters@sundayexpress.co.uk Cheryl UK

Cheryl UK


I've just seen an ad for a book talled THIRD SEX, THIRD GENDER, which apparently is a collection of scholarly essays. It's published by MIT Press. Does anybody know anything about it?

Incidentally, I think that the whole gender community owes a huge debt to Deirdre (formerly Donald) McCloskey, a very distinguished economist/ historian who is transitioning in place at the University of Iowa. She is by no means the first person to stand her ground and say this is me, of course. But she is being very upfront, enduring a lot of publicity, and saying loudly "this may be unusual, but it's an okay thing to do."

emily


I am hoping to find some help here. Are there any genetic I believe is the proper term, ladies out there who will tolerate closet crossdressers? Where can I find them? I am new to this and have never discussed my crossdressing with any body. There are lots of questions. Am I safe here? I want to remain in the closet as far as the general public is concerned. Please send email. Thanks. Cheryl

Cheryl


First thing I d probably say is "Wow, you look great, how did you do that, and show me ". Then I'd sit down with them, and ask if they have always wanted to do it, and please feel free to do so in the future, as I love you no matter who or what you desire to be or dress like !

Michelle


I'd suggest we both have the sex change op. Cheryl (UK)

Cheryl UK


If I had come home and found my (ex) wife in male clothing - I would have been very surprised - and immediatly would have thought she was getting her own back on me - to see how I would feel seeing her in the role she knew - and had caught me many times. But it is a completely different situation - how could any real female get any sexual feeling wearing male clothes ? And if there was no sexual feeling - it would have to be beacause she felt "butch" - wanted a sexual relationship with another female. No male would ever want a relationship with a female dressed as a male.I believe it is completely different from a male wanting to dress as a female - in every way. Perhaps that is why so few females do dress as males - and most of them are lesbian. But - if that was how she did feel more comfortable - dressing as a male - I would support her (if I loved her ) in every way. It's a very interesting question and I look forward to hearing how the other girls feel about this subject. Love Debbie.

Debbie Allen


How could I not accept transgenderism in my spouse, when I've asked her to accept it in me? It might take me a little bit of time, I don't know. There are so many questions that would need to be answered. The same questions that I am still asking myself. But it would be rank hypocracy to deny any transgendered person freedom of espression.

Christy Kay


Girls, Congress is about to take a step to limit personal freedom. The House has passed a bill that would define marrage as only that between a female and a male. The bill would further eliminate the ability of a "Non-married" couple from filing a joint tax return. This is the first step by the christian malitia to require following their beliefs. What will the next step be? Will this over zelious group target transgender, will they attack a CD and SO as a "Non-married" couple? We must stand up and protest this action by writing our Senators. We must help our sisters and brothers of the gay and lesbian communities. We will be a likely target next. How would you like it to be a felony to dress fem. Please write your congressman and urge them not to pass this bill, the Constitution is not only for the christian malitia it is ours to. Love and Hope to all, Terrianne.

Terrianne


What could a tv say, I would just go in, slip into a dress, and fix a great romantic dinner for two, and hope to get lucky!!!

Tina L.


Occasionally my spouse has dressed, but it's been an act of love and acceptance on her part, rather than expressing the need and the identity that I feel. She is a very feminine but very strong woman, secure enough in herself to accept, like and support what is womanly in me. As I write, it's a warm summer night and I've taken a stroll in clothes that she gave me. U loved it and felt comnpletely good. I realize, though, that however deep my own femininity may be it's simply one facet of the person that she loves, and that her love is well worth keeping. I deeply admire the Julie Freemans and the Linda Kayes and the Peggy Rudds of our community. I know how lucky I am to be sharing life with a woman belongs in their company. I take a lot of pride that she, like Julie, Linda, and Peggy, has helped other woman who don't find it easy at all. Emily

Emily


i would love to come home and find my wife dressed, even if she was only in jockey shorts. I think then i could anticipate that she would take the top role when i dress in my lingerie

fchmaid


I am an occasional CD - dressing up at least every other week and am considering hormone beard reducer and hormone body hair reducer (for my arms ). Any advice on what to expect and how fast does it work. My wife does not know I am CD and I would not like to do anything that is to fast or drastic. How about sources? I am also considering something I saw called a male hormone reducer. Thanks for helping. Love to all , Jennifer

Jennifer


I would greet her with open arms and love. The choice is hers as much as it is mine.

terrianne


I'd say, "welcome to the other side! Isn't it great to have such freedom for self-exploration!"

Julie

MDD


I was also caught way back when when I was about thirteen or fourteen. I was all dressed up, bra, panties, top and skirt, even slip. I forget if I went with make uop. I though I had time, but surprise. My mother enters the house, I scramble to undress, but it was small house. It was all her stuff. Later she had me speak to a psychologist, but once he realized I was forced to come to his office, he finished the session.. Then I claimed that it was the first time anyway. Not tru. Now today, I dress whenever I can, and occasionally play with the idea of allowing mself to get caught. The last time I did that I was dressed in a pair of panties and hose, and visited an old flame, which when visited often quickly lights up again. This time was no exception, but she felt the stockings underneath, and then claimed it was time to go. In most cases though, it is a scramble to appear normal, or at least masculine. In general, it my lttle secret, although lately I have been getting into shopping and trying things on right there if possible. Someday, hopefully I wont have to hide.

Gina


There isn't anything about dressing that is a problem. I love it, and my wonderful wife understands and supports me. I started when my living with only my mother who worked night shift as a nurse. To this day, the white uniform, garter belt and stockings are my favorites. I'm straight and love my wife and the feminine form. I find that crossdressing brings me into the most intimate contact with all that is female.

Lynn


What's hard for me? Getting undressed, like others have said. But the main thing is the fact that I'm 6'2", 235 lbs. More the dimensions of a linebacker than a runway model. You know, there are those who question Janet Reno. So, although I have passed, to my surprise, on some occasions, I have really stopped trying. I also enjoy my mustache most of the time, when not "dressed," so I keep it. I've been shopping, out for drinks in bars, including a topless joint once. I know it's risky, but that's what makes it work for me sometimes. I have found a few places in Portland, Oregon where the sales ladies are really helpful and matter-of-fact. It's really unlikely, but people either look away or act normal, or say something relatively supportive. I've been openly laughed at maybe twice. I was really afraid of rejection for decades, but now I just don't care sometimes. The riskiest part is that I work in politics and teaching. Bad combination, I know. But so it goes. What happens when you've broken the barriers you thought were unbreakable? Do we need the barriers anyway? Would it be any fun if it was really totally acceptable? I wonder. I need both my personas, and to integrate them. I find I get more out of being a man when I get to be a woman sometimes. And pushing the limits of what is socially acceptable makes it possible the next time, and for others of us. The more it happens, the more likely people are to just say "it takes all kinds" and carry on with what they're doing. I went to the 4th of July firesorks, sitting on the banks of the Columbia River with I guess hundreds within sight. Talk about Independence Day! The fireworks finally meant something to me. Is this country great, or what? Steffi

Steffi


Hi girls! This is my first time. I'm still closeted. I've been a CD since I was about 10. I was confused and wondered why I was different. Then I read about Cristine Jorganson in the paper and knew i wasn't alone. Now I see I have many sisters. I am married and have a unsupportive wife. She cought me once and we discussed it and she went away for a few days and made arrangements to "protect" herself if i ever CD again or am cought. So now i only do it when i travel and then never in public. I have two sons 31 and 36 who would also be intolerant. Any suggestions on how to handle this? Come out and loose my family or continue as i am or is there something else? I can't give an e-mail address as that would be too dangerous so i'll look for any suggestions you may have on the BB. Love, Sandra.

Sandra


I know longer have a hard time getting dressed. In fact I rarly think about being TS. It takes 5 min to do makeup and 5min for cloths depending if I'm going to work or out on the town. For me It just hot eaiser as the years went by. What I am struggling with is that I want to start a family, and yes I wan't to have and carry my own child. I heard rummors of a doctor looking for male voulenteers to get pregnant. My sister wants to give me her eggs and I got my man, I need a doctor. Now I may not be male but I want to be a voluenteer. A news show called Day & Date did a story on this.... anyone hear about it??? I thought the possibility of the SRS women being able to have children would be big news in our community, but no ones talking about it. Am I crazy?? Hope to be expecting, Denise

Denise


The toughest part of dressing for me is make-up, mainly because I get so few chances to dress from head-to-toe that I get out of practice. Heck, by the time I finish, it is time to shave again. Otherwisec;lothes would have to be the issue. Finding nice styles at good prices is tough. I have a hard time dishing out a couple of hundred dollars for a dress that will get worn once in a blue moon outside the house. When I dress, I love to go out. I often voyage out in mid-heels with my guy wear on. I find that very few people pay any attention to what you are wearing on your feet. I so rarely get made, that I get more overt each time. One time I wore open toed sandals with tan hose and red toe nail polish and was made only once. What a dissapointment! Oh well, better sign off before I exceed the line limit. Hugs and kisses. Your well heeled -- Brittany
I am interested in getting some catalogues containing young girl's things from the Victorian era. I am especially interested in Middy blouses and skirts, chiffon dresses, patent shoes. Also frilly underthings, such as camisoles, petticoats and pettipants. What I am looking for are some things that are very sissy for my husband. I have heard that that there are merchants in the UK who sell such things and who may have catalogues with their wares? Thank you. MMD
I stated earlier on Bulletin Board I am TS 42 w S/O who doesn't know. She will within the year, as I am seeking SRS,over next 3 yrs. TS look down on TV? Hardley, I wish I was TV! You can hide that. I have always been androgynous. And it was a good way to satisfy my desire to "be" F.

When a Teen in the late 60s.My then, girlfriend and I were the same size and Unisex style was "in"! I had known since about 5 something was't quite right, and this was just the ticket. I had waist lenght hair at 19 and just moved to St. Louis. Met this girl Jill and we became friends.We were the same size, shoes and everything and frequently wore each other clothes.One night she was wearing the last pair of clean bell bottoms and I bitched. She laughingly challenged me to wear one of her dresses that I liked(on Her!). On a dare I did, and hoped maybe she would accept it. She seemed to and we spent the evening like that. (I was also wearing her shoes panty hose etc, no bra)

About a month later she was brushing my hair, something we often did for each other, and she asked if I would let her dress me up again. I said yes (maybe too eagerly) and we went to the bedroom she had me put on panties, a bra, she had pads (hers) net pantyhose, and a pair of flats. She then made me up (no beard then) gave me a choker and a mini dress. I went to the bathroom to finish and when I came back she was astonished.I looked like a typical hippie chick. All went well until I sat on her lap and kissed her. She seemed to turn cold so I went and took the clothes off.

About a week later she asked me to repeat the scenario, and we did. We were in the living room when there was a knock at the door. I panicked but she opened the door. She introduced me to Danny and John as Judy her cousin. And said "they are taking us to the Alice Cooper Concert!" I was really mad but totally unable to think of anyway out. I whispered I wasn't about to go out like this and she threatened to tell. So we went. I sat in the back seat, with Danny, and we drove to Rainy Daze (the club they were playing). The ride there was fine, the concert was great, dark and noisy and by the time it was over I was relaxed.The guys didn't try anything but I was alittle jealous watching my Jill with John. Then came the ride home.

Danny tried to touch me but respected my rebuff but when we got there both guys kissed us(french). I stopped as soon as I could but when i looked up jill was smiling. When we went in she asked if I still wanted to dress up. She said she didn't appreciate my Lesbian kiss. That was the last time it came up in the following 7 yrs. we were' together. However it obviously wasn't a "cure"

Judy


Hi everyone! I am new on the WWW, and his is my first contribution to the Bulletin Board Posts. I have been living full time for nearly one year now, yet I still remember my first time out. I was sorely tempted to close the door before I had left the house. In other words, I was very scared. Since then much has changed . I am secure in my 'natural' role and enjoy being myself very much. The one thing, which is still of grief to me(apart from having to wait for SRS) is the removal of my facial hair. A messed up face, surely enough, attracts the stares of others. I have developed the custom of hiding for two or three days from even my best friends. Sometimes I wish for a miracle cure to remove the nasty whiskers. Despite all the obstacles, the very thought of putting on male cloth ever again is pure torture to me. I do feel with Anne Marie (Bulletin, 09.07.96), and hope she will make the transition soon, if that is her desire.

Rachel


The hardest part, for me, is getting undressed after spending the whole day as Jennifer. As I'm getting dressed I can hardly stand the excitement. From putting on make up, slipping into some sexy lingerie, putting on my favorite outfit, to hearing my high heels click as I leave the house and head to the mall, it's I can do to keep my composure. It's such a disappointment to drive home and change back into "Rod". I bettter hurry, before my wife gets home. Love always Jennifer

Jennifer


I am a 33 year old TS. I am self employed which allows me to dress at home. I do not go out while in my hometown. Since I do not have a problem dressing, the thing that gets me in trouble is the makeup. I find that putting on lipstick is very difficult. Just one slip and you have to do it over again. I have read that you should use lipliners but I seem to have the same problem with them also. I do not wear Eyelash makeup or eyeliner makeup due to the fact that you can not take it off and not appear as though you have never worn it. I have been accused of forgetting to take off my eye makeup when I am out with some of my friends who have no clue that I am a TS. Everytime I wear the Eye makeup I get the same reactions. Therefore, I do not wear Eyemakeup when in hometown. I pluck my eyebrows and have never been noticed. I cut the hair on my arms and shave my hands and have never been noticed. I shave my underarms and as long as I wear shirts I never get noticed. I shave my legs and as long as I wear pants I never get noticed. I have let my hair grow and nobody cares. I wear non pierced ear rings when at home. I wear press on nails when I want long beautiful nails. I paint my toenails but as long as I wear socks no one notices. I wear ladies panties all the time. I am on hormones and at this time no one can tell. I am seeing an electrolysis but we are working on grooming my facial hairs for a crisp beard and therefore the electrolysis has no clue that I am a TS. One note on Electrolysis. If you will have the hairs removed by waxing before you see the Electrolysis then you should see permanent results within two visits. This is much more cost effective. I realize that I will not be able to hide the changes the hormones are making. But I do not want to go out until I am ready and until I can atleast pass as a female.

Michelle Elaine


The hardest part for me is being able to dress up. I've wanted to be a girl all my life and if you read another message from me further down you will understand my sincere regrets now. My wife did used to let me but I think she realised I was becoming more and more desperate to be a female and I think she was concerned she was going to lose her marriage to another woman, me being the other woman. I'm 45 now and I NEED to wear women's clothes and make up to satisfy the effeminate desires within me. I'd dearly like to find someone close to me that would allow me to be the person I am and the sex that I should be. I live close to Sevenoaks, Kent, England if anyone has any ideas or help. Love to you all, Cheryl x

Cheryl UK


I'm 45 and been in the closet since I tried on my first pair of pantyhose 30+ years ago in front of my cousin one night sleeping over at his house. The next morning he made a comment at the breakfast table about it and I felt quite bad about myself. Never have told anyone or been caught. Well I did tell my wife 10 yrs ago, she hates it. Says I'm having an affair with this 'other' woman. Binge purge binge... lately really wanting to come out, but I'm so good at hiding and the habit is quite ingrained. This forum has given me a boost - if you're reading this you might be the second person in the world I've come out to! Thanks from Madison.

Terry


I am married and seldom get to wear dresses or skirts. Am TS (pre-op) and after years,of denial and help from 2 TS friends start therapy nxt wk. I looked femenine as a teen with waist length hair and dressed in unisex style The hardest part about dressing for me is I want to be the girl even in jeans. At 42 yrs old I am still mistaken for female even when in shorts etc.When buisness associates come to town I have to make an effort not to look to hippie like(hate haircuts but is still shoulder L)My wife is soo straight and doesn't even imagine despite people frequently calling me maam.

judy christiansen


As I can see I´m not much different from my sisters. The hardest part in dressing as woman is getting undressed. Besides this dressing is not hard, its a pleasure. Only my voice is not as feminin as I would like it to be.

Sandra Michelle


This is for people in the US or in reach of the US Public Broadcasting System. Tonight (Tuesday, July 9) at 10 PBS is televising what looks like a major program on the issue of cross-gender behavior and identity. It centers on street queens and on the efforts of some Dallas church (I would live there, wouldn't I) to "rescue" them. According to today's New York Times the really admirable figure is Giovanna, who refuses to be other than herself whatever the cost and who enjoys her family's respect. Times may vary, but it looks worth seeing, both for the people it shows and towards what it may be saying about changing public perceptions of people who cross the gender line.

Emily


No doubt the hardest part about getting dressed is making my mind up to go out for a walk and/or letting strangers have a look to me...

Julie


Theres only one way to put it, having to wear mens clothes is not me anymore. If there's a way that I can be in my preferred gender role, then thats for me. Dressing is easy and it feels normal, though I can't stand beard cover, but that is soon to be a non-issue. Having to be in the male role is very difficult, and getting undressed brings a sense of temporary loss. Hugs to all.

Anne Marie


The hardest part of getting dressed is "dressing in male clothes". How I hate and despise boring male clothes. There is nothing I do not like about getting Miss Debbie ready for action ! I just love the whole process - from a perfumed bubble bath - to changing that normal boring male face into an erotic beautiful female. I love dressing in the lingerie and heels - and sitting in front of a mirror and changing my whole appearance. Then the clothes and jewelry and finally the wig. It all feels so great and when I leave my home I am ready to face the world and have some fun. I honestly don't care who knows I am in full drag - that for me is part of the illusion. I do my very best to be as passible as I can - but the truth is that I have much more fun when I am dressed very sexy and "stand out in a crowd". Being a woman is no hardship - and the toughest thing of all by far - is having to take it all off.

Debbie Allen


That's an easy answer, short too, the hardest thing about getting dressed is getting un-dressed!

Gina


The hardest thing for me is to get that really close shave without tearing the skin off of my face (OUCH)! Once past that tramatic episode, its a free ride to that perfect look. Then the fun starts as that glamorous gal appears.

Diane Kaye


Shoes, dear heart, shoes! Trying to find something that fits a woman's 15WW foot is a difficult thing. -- Rose

Rose Prescott


The toughest part for me is hiding the male beard. I have a really heavy beard and even with a close shave it shows through just about every concealer I've tried. I just got some Physicians Formula - Yellow which is supposed to counteract the blue/black, but I haven't tried it yet. Keeping my fingers crossed....

Deb


I am a straight cross dresser. I've been experimenting with womens clothing since I was four yrs old, when I tried on pantyhose for the first time and loved the way it felt. Now, about once a week I get dressed up and go shopping and enjoy it. Please e-mail if you have any tips or comments. thanks.

walrus 9@aol.com


I am 15 and have been cross dressing in my Mum's clothes for about a year. As you can imagine being a Teen Cross dresser has been difficult and VERY restricted. I have only my Mums clothes which are now getting to small and can't wear make-up wigs anything. I can only do it occasionally the list of oh no's goes on and on andon..... I guess I am just writing this because I am well a bit nervous of all of this can someone please give me a page or newsgroup of anything where I can fond more info and help on being a young Cross dresser

Louise


Something else always drives me toward the full moon
when my makeup cracks, but my clothes fit well
there is never security in dressing
mostly just desire
and small triumphant songs
from a wild bird.

Lilly Crista


I hade a chance to be the person i always wanted to be for a full day and was told i was convinceing enough to go out into the world and i did (now picture this) i wore black heels two and a half inches beige hose black silk undies white satin bra 38B white silk camisole with lace front and a winter white blouse a black office girl hug every curve jacket the hair was a gold to the sholder length wig (made with real hair) tied at the back with a black bow after all that i went out into the world and i will do it again after a few wolf whistles by guys doing work on the streets i was walking i now know it made me feel good down town toronto is great in the summer.

Rachel A Jadeson


A couple of things... A) I am 6-5 and finding things to fit and that look good can be hard B) Still a little uneasy about going out

Michael


i'm looking to start the switch. any homone advice? side effects?

jamie


The most frustrating and difficult part of "dressing" is the mental transition from male persona to female. Having an understanding SO is important to the transition but, sometimes the switching back and forth between male and female is tough! When I slip into the role it is real and fulfilling. The male self needs to be supressed and the emotions allowed to flow freely in order to pass and experience the complete picture. At times the switch just won't happen and this causes problems in relationships in public and when talking to others. The male perspective is really different. There are articles on the true self within Forum we all need to read them and incorporate the sugestions into our transformation ritual. Love CJ

CJ


By far makeup is the hardest for me. I feel my body looks good when i am dressed but i dont feel i ever look truly feminine when i try using the makeup

fchmaid


Cheryl UK writes about almost being caught as a child and speculates that if she had been she might be living as a woman now. I wonder how many of us who have not transitioned can tell a similar tale. Here's mine. I was eight, and Christine Jorgensen had just gone public. Fascinated and terrified, I knew I wanted that too. A classmate told of how she had cross-dressed her younger brother and made him look "just like a girl." I came so close to asking her to do the same to me that she guessed the truth, but in panic I denied it. A couple of years later the younger brother and I confessed to each other that we both "used to want to be girls, but didn't any more." Yeah, right, in both cases. I was already known as about the least macho kid in town, and if she had dressed me it could not have stayed secret. My precarious boyhood would have ended then. Instead, I stayed on my knife edge, building my own version of boyhood that centered on the outdoors rather than team sports, cross-dressing secretly, and fighting my desires. I'm still on the knife edge, but thanks to the love of somebody I did tell I balance pretty easily now. I don't pretend to be macho, and I'm free to lean as far into womanhood as I want. Any hiker knows that a knife edge can be fun, if your boots are right and your grip is strong. My spouse and I share a love of high places, and no problems that I like high heels too.

Emily


This isn't on the subject but the other day someone was asking about breast enhancers. They ussally run about $150 and she was looking for something less expensive. I found these just the other day. Accents P.O. box 401, Dept. C Van Nuys, CA. 91408 1-800-380-4646 3 payments of $29.95 A lot less than others they are silicone gel forms, waterproof and contour to the body. Who ever it was I hope you see this.

Teddi


I was in my early teens and one Sunday I thought the rest of the family had gone out for the day so was going to spend the day wearing the clothes I enjoyed the most, girls clothes. I stripped naked in my own bedroom and went into my sisters bedroom, I picked out a pink skirt suit to wear, well there I was looking at myself in my sisters full length mirror wearing suspender belt, pink slip, stockings, white top and white court shoes as well as the skirt and jacket saying out loudly, as I always did, I wish I was a girl, oh why wasn't I born a girl when I heard the front door open. It was my sister and boyfriend, they had decided not to go out after all, I was terrified, I quickly took the clothes off and in doing so in my haste I tore the slip. I put everything back in my sisters draws and wardrobe and went back in my own bedroom to get dressed back into my horrible boys clothes. My sister hadn't come upstairs as she would normally do she went straight into the lounge, if she had she would have caught me wearing her clothes. She would have loved that, we never really liked each other so she would have grabbed the opportunity to let everyone know I was a cissy. Who wants to be a girl then? Would you rather wear one of my pretty nighties to bed tonight? I bet you'd like to wear this skirt Mum, this dress doesn't fit me anymore I'm sure Keith would like it though. I know she would have said all these things and more, but I sincerely wish now I had been caught. I'm convinced my life would be a lot different today if I had. The hardest part is always telling your family you want to be a girl. At least that part would have been taken care of. I reckon I would be happily living as a woman by now. If only my sister had come upstairs straight away.

Cheryl UK


the hardest part for me is my makeup, ican never get my eyes the way that i want them,and i still sorta look like my male self, i ;d like some tips to change my looks and to look like a female i;m just small enough to pass bodywise but in my face needs help,if you can help me give me a shout, thank you lady b.

lady b[the black temptress]


I have been enjoying the stories about being caught. I was living in the chicago area and I was still married. I was living in the buy-Purge phase of my life. I found a lingerie store that I felt comfortable buying from. I was using the Credit Card to make the purchases. My wife found the statement and wanted to know why there were charges to a lingerie store. She did not receive anything from me. She accused me of having an affair. I could not think of anything to say except that they were mine. This was the first time my wife found that I was TG.

Michelle Elaine


Nails, I find them to be the biggest mystery of it all. I have come to terms, with make-up, even doing the eye's, but I could sure use any tips you have on NAILS! Tina L.

Tina L.


When we talk of being being transgendered verses gay, lesbian or bisexual, we are already separating ourselves, inherently causing one to focus on the differences between us rather than on the commonalities that we may all indeed share. It is not that we are different that we strive to build community, but because we share common goals, ambitions, and ideologies. That community we all speak of as being so important to us all should therefore be built on acceptance and inclusion, not on labeling and exclusion. For if you do subscribe to the latter, how will you ever be able to fully accept yourself.

Ashley Rose


We need to have the power and support that the GLB community already has for people in it. We will never get laws passed without help from the GLB community for instance. As a Christian I have found spiritual support I can't get from my regular church from a very open MCC church. There are some GLB groups which are intolerant, but that seems to be fading away, at a much fast rate than in the broader community. Randi


I.m Japanies TV. It's very fun.

Kayo Ohba


This post is off-topic, but concerns security for Netscape users.
There was a good article last week on security. However, it didn't mention the history file that Netscape (and probably other browsers) creates. This seems to be used to track visited links. The default is to store links up to 30 days. This lists TG sites, for example. One can purge this under the options, General Preferences, Followed Links, Expire now option. In addition, there are the URLs listed in the location dropdown menu. I don't know how to change these without manually typing in a bunch. I've yet to find the file with this data. This can be potentially embarrassing it sometimes has URLs that say things like "miniskirt." (And, of course, that gets me visiting again, but that's another story.
Maybe this is all too paranoid, but people have suffered job repercussions for less. -sally

Sally Nelson


Our cause is the same - basic human rights! Several months ago I attended a "political convention" in Wenatchee WA called "Mapping our Journey" it was a grass roots convention of GLB&Transgendered organizations. A very diverse group, all working for the same goal, basic human rights. I was impressed about their conserted, although new effort, to include Transgendered.

Diana Michaels


From a transsexual's point of view? Yes. We need them. Too bad the feelings aren't mutual. The strongest opposition and intolerance I have seen comes from the gay community. Oh we have our supporters. But they're few in numbers. Many gays look upon us as nothing more than amature drag queens. Few respect us, none understand us. I believe we are on our own with this one ladies. I say let's unite and go it alone because that's the only way we're going to make it.

Kelly Ann Stiles


I think we should embrace any group of people, or organization that support and/or accept us. At times it seems that itıs only the gay and lesbian clubs, restaurants, and bars that accept us. Iıve been told too often that Iım not welcome at a ³straight² place because some female objected to my use of the ladyıs room or some macho jerk objected to my presence because he thought the place was turning queer. I have always been accepted, and encouraged to come back with my T* friends at so called ³queer² clubs. Marianne

Marianne


We should be ready to join our sisters and brothers regarless of sexual orientation. Isn't this what causes us the most turmoil in our emotional lives, non-acceptance of who and what we are. Many CD/TV/TS have gay/bi feelings. How do we divide our community, and why should we? We are on, proud of who and what we are. Love, Terrianne, Jacksonville FL>

terrianne


I have a little dressing tip that may help some of you . What do I sometimes dress in when I do not have the opportunity or time to put on my femminen best? Clothes that feel femminen - all from a young mens store in the mall. one outfit is A soft rayon shirt with wide loose sleeves, a pair of long soft cotton wide leg pants - not to loose in the hip and rear area, and some high healed mens dress shoes. It feels good!

Jennifer


I don't know if this is the place for this, but I'll go ahead anyway ;). I would like to find someplace to buy cosmetic appliances used for lifting facial features via tape and elastic. I saw these advertised on an info-mertial, but alas didn't think to copy down the 800 number, thinking I would see it later. Sorry to take up your time, if anyone has a clue as to where I could purchase these, or what they are called, please e-mail me with the answer. Hopeful,

Rachael B


I believe that the T* community should be willing to stand apart from any other organizations when it is in our best interests to so. However Gay and Lesbian groups suffer from many of the same prejudices, intolerances and ignorant hatreds that we do. We should help them (and ourselves) to overcome these in any way we can. If that means banding together for the common good then we should do so. We should also understand that there are differences between our groups and allow for the expression of those diffences in an open and honest manner. If necessary we should be big enough to agree to disagree.

Rachael B


I have thought on this subject quite a bit as of late and I have a mixed opinion on the subject. On the positive side there is the power and organization of the Gay, Lesbian, Bi community. But with that comes the ambitions, desires and direction of those same communities. I think that as a seperate and smaller community it behooves us to look at our motivations, our wants and needs as we define them. If we find that our direction is simular to that of the Gay, Lesbian, Bi communities then by all means gather together. But if not, then the TG community can still move in its own direction. I would like to see more open discussion of what the TG community wants to see happen to in the future for all of us. Peace, Anne.....

anne


Thank you TGF, for running her article, and thank you Nicole. After A major weight loss, I find my self, for the first time, to be able to wear a size 14, after years of being a 1X or some times a 2X, as you can imagine, I have gone totally bananas. Every time I walk by a womens department, I find another cute outfit in my new size. It has been such a rush, for the first time I can walk into a clothing store, and all the little things that are so cute, really fit. so I have shopped until I dropped, more than once, latley. But with the new thin me,and all these cute new clothes, I just didn't have the shape to pull it off, But now thanks to Nicole Asahi's article on hips, I now have a shape, that fill the skirts, and yes according to my S/O even a pair of tight pants So once again I just want to say thank you, for being there, and for helpful imformation,

Tina Louise


No, I've never had any problems at all. I have always been so happy with the way I am and wouldn't want to be anything else. I am an "out and Proud" Tranny, who doesn't want the "op" and doesn"t care if she passes. Read me however you want, I don"t care!

Gladys


I was wondering if there are any exercises that I could do to give me a more feminie looking body? Any information anyone has on this would be greatly appreciated. Susan

Susan


This also occurred while I was in the military. I had been deeply closeted in my cross dressing desires and had enlisted at the age of 19. During the early part of my career, I had to live in barracks and aboard ship. Naturally this left no (or extremely limited) opportunity to dress. Having no car to store the clothing in and being unable to keep it in the barracks due to frequent locker inspections, time began to take it's toll.

Over a period of time, I found myself going through the various levels of shame and humility, various stages of revulsion and self condemnation, and almost every level of self destructiveness that I have since read about in many magazines and here on the net. I even drove myself to the brink of seriously considering bodily mutilation and even suicide. This particular period finally won me a trip to the military psychiatrist and the obligatory evaluation. Due to the circumstances and the affects this would have on my career, I couldn't even allow myself to consider discussing the real problem with the doctor, I had to make things up as I went along.

I finally made it through this period, using the doctor as a crutch to get me through the suicidal stages and sheer determination to bury reality deeper than ever. Only after I finally got married could I begin to relax my guard and begin trying to understand myself. Being married allowed me the opportunity to have women's clothing and makeup in my car, legally, as well as affording me the opportunity to "shop for my wife" when I was on liberty both here in the states and overseas, this of course opened the door for having these things aboard ship, after all, I had to get them home somehow.

I have managed to keep this part of my background from my wife and family and even got the psychological evaluation pulled out of my record. However, even with all I have been able to accomplish at burying that part of my past, I still hurt since I have no one except strangers that I can talk to and confide in. Only this last year have I been in a position to come out with someone outside the family and as a result, things are looking up. The net (TGF) helps but having a personal friend that I can confide in helps even more.

Robyn Smith


Hi all, Have I ever...in fact it is what steered me back to school to complete my BS, MA and now my PhD!!!
If you dress, and are not gay, no one seems to understand you. Not your family, friends, or the mental health people sometimes. That alone is enough to trouble you psychologically. Years of isolation, alienation, and loneliness will take its toll, I, like most of us, have spent the better part of my life, feeling guilty, ashamed, and afraid of being outted to my family, & friends. A life of PURGE, followed by remorse, and an uncontrollable need, to find a place for my femme side, then back to the stores, and do it all over again. To Cope with all of this, I tried anger, DRUGS, thoughts of suicide,and a dream of running away to where no one knows me. But then when I got there I would still just be a guy in a dress, wouldn't I? But the real cure for all the years of loneliness, and guilt, was after I was married a few years, and we where close to breaking up over other issues, we where trying to get back together, when I choose to come, out. I decided I would rather be alone, than spend a life hiding in my on home. But now life is good, after 25 years, all most 22 years out to my wife, we are still together, happy, and I must be one of the luckiest tv"s still in the closet, you could want to meet, after a large weight loss, my wife, is helping me build a whole new wardrobe, from the skin out. Its nice to have a girl friend, to help put things together, and return the mistakes. but as good as it is having, an understanding wife, I still know, what I am, and for the rest of the family, and my friends, and co-workers, I know, the pain that I would have to go through, so I will just stay in my closet, and be thankful, for the wonderful mate I was blessed with. Here is hoping, one of you can say, problem, nah not me, it's always been great, then maybe the rest of use will find hope in that. Thanks for being there. Big Bouquets to all Karyn

Karyn


Just thought I would pass along this being caught story. It was a couple of years ago (before I knew how do dress correctly ) and I was driving through this federal cemetery that had a nice park area. I slowly drove through it and a cop was following me all the way. When I got all the way around he turned on his lights and I stopped. After he asked me for my license I gave him the line that I was on my way to a costume party. When his backup showed up I was a bit worried! They asked me to step out and they said they were looking for dear poachers- and searched for hunting weapons in my van. After finding none they said I could go (that was a close one). The cop told me My mistake was not stopping somewhere as I drove through.

Jennifer


Hi! I'm seeking personal anecdotes and interesting stories about the world of cross dressing for what I hope to be , eventually, a theatre piece about this phenomenon. Drop me a line and let me know your ideas? LA area? Writers? Collaborators? Producers? Actors?

Kelly


Hi everybody!!! I am a 16 year old cross dresser of 2 years and I am so glad I found this forum. I was getting so lonely! Growing up in a family of girls I guess has influenced me so much... or it could just be genetic. All I know is that when I put on those silk panties and sheer stockings and all that make-up, there's no greater feeling in the whole world!!! It makes me feel so sexy!!! Brigette I know exactly what you mean. I can't wait until I get that sex change (which won't be for a few years-bummer!) Well take care girls! I'll definitely be back. Love, Gloria.

Gloria

Stacy


When I was 11 or so, I thought that you had to be mentally ill to crossdress. I fought the urge off for years-replacing it with sexual relationships with women. As I got older, I finally realized that I didn't really care if anybody thought I was crazy, and, more important, I realized that nobody else really cared what I did. I find myself-en femme-as sexually satisfying as any woman, and it's cheaper and more fun! Quit worring and enjoy both sides of your self!

DAYNA


I wish I had a reply. I know I do. 61 years living with this TS desire even before it was named has had to have a real impact on my life....let along my psychology. It's cost me dearly. At least three marriages looking for the "wife" who'd "understand." Strange...strange things in my professional life to force me to opt for choices....playing it safe....or going for gusto. I've played it Safe" all my life....really not wishing to hurt those I brought into this world, knowing from my own teachings that it would blow them away if they knew or suspected. The cover ups, the deceit, the lies to myself. I sit here at 61 punching these keys knowing that not a darned thing has changed over all these years. I'd give it all for the female I'd liked to have been, knowing how much I would have had to endure along the way. Have I coped? Yes......but I've paid a price. Would I do it over again? I believe so. Ask me why and I think I've a few answers. Good ones? Who knows.

aquerry@paonline.com


I have to say being TG has been the most important and often the most confusing and distressing thing in my life. Only in the last few years have I begun to accept it as a permanent, central part of me. Until then, the familar loop of obsession, gratification, denial, guilt, etc. was a regular thing. Who am I kidding, it still is. Being a TG has also complicated my romanitc & sexual life. I mean just what should I want? The assumption that I should want men since I like being a woman is too simplistic. So, am I a T-lesbian, looking for women? Or should I go with other T's? Very, very confusing, especailly with the proliferation of labels and people's need to peg you as one or the other. I guess the only label(s) that I feel comfortable enough with is that I am a bisexual transgenderist, whatever that really means. As far as coping, the only workable solution I've come up with is to go with the flow, and not feel too guilty about whatever which way I am inclined to go at the time. Easier said than done, of course. :) Love to everyone!

Tina_A


Yes, my being a CD and the denial/guilt have caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety. As a result I have been depressed, anxious, loniless, as well as many manifested physical problems like gastrointestinal distress. It is especially hard when you cannot afford to seek therapist and only have a few trusted friends for support.

Victoria C.


My most embarrassing time at getting caught was in Late 1983 in a suburb of Philadelphia. I was window shopping "Dressed" at a shopping mall in King of Prussia. At the time I was still in the Navy stationed aboard a ship that was being overhauled at the Philadelphia Shipyard. Since I was living aboard ship I had no place to change except in my car. I had chosen only outfits that I could get into and out of in a very limited amount of space, normally skirt and blouse.

On this particular day, I had been window shopping at the Mall for close to an hour and a half and had decided to return to the base. I went to my car and drove to a quiet area on the lower level of a multilevel parking garage and parked in a quiet corner so that my back side was covered. I watched the parking lot for a few minutes to ensure that I was alone then began my changing ritual. I started by pulling off my wig and blouse then pulled on a T-shirt and undershirt that I had previously arranged to slip into very quickly. I then began to go for the trousers and shoes.

As I was fumbling with the trousers, I noticed a movement outside my window and when I looked out, I saw a police car approaching and watched in horror as it stopped in front of me and two officers got out and walked over to my car. I was ordered out of the car and hit with a barrage of questions as to what I was doing and so forth, also a lot of insults about what I was and what I represented.

"Supposedly" someone had been dressed like I was and had been attempting to gain entry to the women's shops dressing rooms. From my own experience as a reserve member of the San Diego Police Department, I knew that this was a lie but couldn't press the issue. All I wanted to do was to cry and melt into the pavement. I was kept standing there, wearing my skirt, heels and men's sport shirt - in the middle of the parking garage for a good twenty to thirty minutes as these two officers kept cracking jokes.. All I could do to maintain my composure was to laugh at myself, along with them while at the same time visualizing my military career coming to an abrupt end and trying to figure out how I was going to explain it to my wife, my kids and my parents.

They ended up letting me go and I made myself very scarce while looking for someplace else to change. I never returned to that mall. While leaving the parking garage I noticed that I had inadvertently parked about 50 ft. from a mall security camera... Talk about doing something stupid.

Robyn Smith


Yes, I feel guilty, but i don't know what I am guilty of. I do not have a supportive or informed SO. Feel as if I am on a raft in the middle of the ocean. Thanks to this forum and you girls, I now am starting to feel more alive and somewhat less confused. Love, Terrianne.

Terrianne


I used to feel that I was some kind of pervert and that I was sick. I would go through periods were I would throw everything away and then it was back to shopping a few months later. I finally started some counseling and that help. I met a lady that was in a gay relationship and I told her about myself, we became good friends. She found out that she was just in love with this person and when things didn't go as planned for her, we started dating. Two years later we were married. She then had a big problem with my dressing, so to make her happy everything was put away. A couple of years ago we had a big fight and started to prepare for a seperation, I told her that I felt that she was trying to change who I was and that now she had to live with the changes. She started to talk to a counselor about me and the counselor told her that there was not anything she could do to change this part of me. Needless to say to make a long story short, she finally decided that this part of me was better for our relationship and that we were happier when the dressing was allowed. She has even started to help buy clothes and playing with makeup. She was real glad I found TG Forum

Darci Lee


I used to feel that I was some kind of pervert and that I was sick. I would go through periods were I would throw everything away and then it was back to shopping a few months later. I finally started some counseling and that help. I met a lady that was in a gay relationship and I told her about myself, we became good friends. She found out that she was just in love with this person and when things didn't go as planned for her, we started dating. Two years later we were married. She then had a big problem with my dressing, so to make her happy everything was put away. A couple of years ago we had a big fight and started to prepare for a seperation, I told her that I felt that she was trying to change who I was and that now she had to live with the changes. She started to talk to a counselor about me and the counselor told her that there was not anything she could do to change this part of me. Needless to say to make a long story short, she finally decided that this part of me was better for our relationship and that we were happier when the dressing was allowed. She has even started to help buy clothes and playing with makeup. She was real glad I found TG Forum

Darci Lee


Yes, CrossDressing and its gender implications caused me a lot of psychological trouble a few years ago. I was very confused, wondering whether I was gay, bi, TV, TS,... All the possible "labels" I could find for my feelings crossed my head, and yes, I felt guilty, almost a monster. I also came to think life was not worth living that way, because I was alone in this world. Now, after a few visits to a psychanalyst, meeting a few people who crossdress like me, and last -but by no means least!-, an understanding (though not exactly supporting) wife, I found out what my real identity is. I have reached an almost perfect balance in my double-sided personality, both equally important and satisfying. The lesson I have learnt is this: don't let traditional morality destroy you, don't lock yourself up, and find someone to talk to and be proud of what you are! Kisses to all. Olga.

Olga V. Cambasani


It was several years ago and I had been dating a beautiful real girl who knew nothing about Miss Debbie. I was told her I was single and living alone and eventually wanted a long term relationship. Every time I knew she might be coming back to my home - I would "hide away everything female" - so that the place looks very macho and masculine. Normally it looks very feminine and I like to have it look like a real woman lives there - lots of nice "glamour magazines / pictures on walls etc." I also am not the most tidy person and normally there are dresses, bra's, heels laying about all over the place. This particular night I had just arrived home and suddenly there was a knock on the door. Since I was dressed in male clothes - just got home from work - I answered the door and there she was ! She came in and saw all the changes to the decor - but said nothing. Then she started seeing some of the female clothes and began to ask questions. At first she thought I might have had a female guest hiding in some closet and when I told her "she was the only one" - she became very suspicious. A few more minutes and she started to open closets filled with dresses and discovered make up in the bathrooms. When she saw these things she went wild and accused me of cheating on her and being untruthful. I had no option but to explain to her "that ALL of these female things belonged to me". At first she told me that there was no way and that was the worst explanation she had ever heard. It took a lot of explaining to get her to believe me. Eventually I had to "prove to her that Miss Debbie was me". She found it hard to believe that her boyfriend liked to dress in woman's clothes - but when she saw me dressed - she was amazed. We talked for hours that night and she came to understand that I was the still the same person inside - I just looked different. Her biggest question was "if I was gay - but she knew I liked women. We spent the night together - Debbie dressed in lingerie - and she loved it ! That night opened up a whole new world for her and she came to understand that just because some males like to dress up in female clothes - it does not make them perverted. It's what is inside a person that truly matters !

Debbie Allen



Its all worth it when your family supports you, and your wife and kids still stay with you. Now my girls are asking can I use your ear rings, I need some make-up or can I use your curling iron. I wish all of you to take time and talk to your family so that it will all work out. Being in SW Florida now my girls and I go to the beach in our bikini's and I don't what anyone says. I'm even able to go the ladies room with out a problem with by guidedog. My girls keep a very close eye on my because they love me very much. Wish all of you could make it work. Replies welcome. Love & Huggs to All Linda & Pitch

Linda


I'm a 32 closet female. I started taking estrogen a few weeks ago. It just feels right. I live in a world which can not except me as I want to be. I wish I knew how to come out of my closet. My wife and kids don't even know. They're away tonight, so I took the opportunity to be what I really am. I started my evening with a hot bubble path followed with a full carres of oils. After doing my hair and makeup I dressed in my favorite outfit. A tight black bodysuit. black stockings with high heel shoes and a denim pleated mini shirt. I just feels right..

Kathy


I would like to know how many of you have gone out on a date, and what happened. I was once at a disco and a cute guy asked me to dance. While slow dancing he told me he knew what I really was! I danced until my feet hurt. Afterwards we went out for a drink. I wanted to leave it at that. He asked me to dinner the following week and I accepted. He picked me up, we saw a movie, then had dinner. After that we dated off and on for over six months. Yes, I eventually did what other dating girls do. Patti K.

Patti


When I was young, 8 or 9 I found a bag of old clothes in the tool shed, a lot of the stuff was my big sisters and some my mothers. I started wearing the clothes, when no one else was a round. But one day I got bold enough to get a game of pretend started, and everybody was roll playing, when I worked in a way to get myself in a dress and scarf. It was a great day, and a lot of fun, but the time got away from me, and before I knew it, FATHER got home from work, and in 1954 the last place a little boy wanted to get caught was in his sisters dress. He walked by me, with out really looking at me, in a soft angered voice, without stopping said" I Don't ever want to see you, dressed like this again." He never mentioned it again. But that day I learned Just how different I was, I learned shame And I learned to stay in the closet. But I never did learn to stay out of a dress, Iv'e tried,Iv'e purged, and I denied myself for years, He never did see me in a dress again, .

Karyn Sue


hi sisters the worst part if not getting caught i found is that you didn't clean the polish off properly on your fingernails and someone say,s to you is that fingernail polish on your fingers and you have to think real quik and reply no i was painting a little last night or sometimes as i pluck my eyebrows a little there is always someone that notices!also i have to be careful as i keep my body completely hairless and in summer i still wear long sleeve shirts while i get the odd comment ;are you a tv that your hiding yourself and of course for me its always;denie,denie,denie! bye for now girls! gwen

gwen


Once when fully dressed and the family away I was hanging around my back yard and a friend came by unexpectedly. I had on a nice pink skirt, a white blouse and pink heels. I turned red as a beet, ran inside, changed and came out and tried to tell my friend that I was practicing for Halloween. Don't think he believed a word of it.

linda/nyc


oh by the way it was Halloween...!!!!! i forgot that part!!!

michele314@aol.com


15 years old...dressed in hotpants gogo boots and my long hair done by mother.... i slipped away from friends and walked alone.....until 3 guys approached in a car....one of them dropped off and talked to me and walked with me for hrs (those were the days) he thought i was new girl in town...gave him whole fake story and fake phone #....he never asked to kiss me but i knew he wanted too!!!!.. i never had such a wonderful moment as a "girl"...but as you all might guess i still derive great pleasure from it!

michele314@aol.com


Hi, I was just curious if there was a TV place in Vancouver Canada for a curious heterosexual male ? J

jjde@unixg.ubc.ca


have any of you ever been "caught" unexpectedly by a child? In particular one about eight years old? This happened to me ten years ago and now mine will no llonger speak to me.

alice


Growing up in my mother's beauty shop and having my hair done in feminine styles, I was labeled a sissy at a very young age. I would really enjoy making contact with others that have experienced or dreamed of having your hair done. To this day I love seeing hair up in rollers and the intoxicating aroma of a beauty salon. Please let me hear from you!

chris


One day at the age of thirteen I came home from school (I lived with my aunt and uncle) and went into my aunts wardrobe and put on a silk pair of underwear,pantyhose a bra and silk dress. I knew I had a couple of hours before anyone came home so I went into the kitchen for a glass of milk when as I was passing through the hallway the door to the garage opened and a rush of anxiety filled my body as my aunt stood in front of me.She looked me up from head to toe and then in a surprisingly normal tone said "Do you like to wear my clothes" I began to apologize but still stund could not think of an excuse,as I turned to go and get undressed my Aunt said its okay and we sat in the kitchen and drank a tea. The following evening she bought my own nightgown,I believe she already knew I was dressing. That day sitting in the kitchen was the greatest feeling I've ever had.

Susan


When my wife unexpectedly returned from her work,she was astounded to find me answering the locked door wearing her rather nice midlength, button thro' velvet skirt,and white blouse.At that time I had neither heels nor wig and had done the best I could with my hair, whilst wearing a pair of heeled cowboy boots! Although I had told her of my CD 'problem' some ten years earlier we had never disussed it and she thought it only a passing phase. The discovery, after much angst, gave us the chance to talk through the issue and though unhappy about it, seems to now accept its inevitibility, provided she does not have to face it openly, that I do not wear her things . A couple of weeks later I found the skirt and blouse deliberately placed in my closet. We briefly discusssed the movement but I could see that whilst not getting angry, she did not want to talk about it. Having been 'in the closet' for 35 of my 51 years, I decided after this incident some eighteen months ago that life was too short for a CD guilt complex. Whilst we both adopt a pretence that my CDing does not exist, I have since built up my own personal and private, complete wardrobe, which I delight in exploiting at any possible opportunity! However my wife is still the only one who 'knows' about my activities and I look forward to soon making contact with other UK East Mids CD's. Anyone listening out there!

Maggie