I have had desires to be, dress like, and act like a girl from as far back as I can remember, somewhere around the age of 3 or 4. I recall my older sister would dress me in her clothes and parade me around the house, the neighborhood, acting as if she had a little sister. We would play with dolls and girls games and such. We did this only a couple of times, but it seemed to spark my deep seeded interest in being female. As I got a few years older she tried to get me to dress-up again but I refused to do because I was ridiculed by my parents and brothers.
I did however continue to dress secretly in the bathroom. Even as a child people were always confusing me with that of a girl, with my soft facial features, and my blonde curly hair. As a teenager I was dressing more and more, I had little interest in other er girls because I knew I wanted to be one. My parents were divorced when I was 13, and my dad moved away. My desires were even stronger once my father and male role model was out of the picture. At that time I would dress even more complete, as my mother and I both wore a size 10-11.
My mother was a secretary and had a large wardrobe of nice clothing. I remember missing the school bus or pretending to be sick so I could stay home from school, just to have the opportunity to dress in private. While at school I reflect back as how I would day-dream of being one of the girls there in my classroom, how lucky they were to be able to have long pretty hair, and be able to wear dresses and tights, and have pierced ears, and wear earrings.
I had a penny bank that I used, saving my money for a sex change. I first learned about people having sex changes when I was around 9-10, I knew then maybe someday I could really be a woman. It wasn't until I graduated High school and moved away from home that I was able to begin using make-up, buying wigs, and collecting clothes. I went thru the usual purges that most young Tv's go thru, buying articles of clothing only to throw them away at a latter date, when I felt guilty and thinking how I needed to stop this unusual behavior.
At the age of 21 I met my first love and thought getting married would cure my desires. I got rid of everything and decided to never dress as a woman again. The urges returned not long after and once again I started dressing secretly in my wife's clothes, that worked out good as my wife and I both wore a size 12. Even at the age of 21 I had a small frame, feminine features, no beard. It didn't take much for me to pass as a woman. One Halloween, while trying to select a costume for a party, and little time left to prepare my wife suggested she make me up as a woman. I pretended to be a little apprehensive about this, although inside it really excited me.
She did my make-up, and picked out a dress, I looked pretty good (I still think I could have done a better job) We even went out for a walk around the neighborhood a few hours before the Halloween party, that was pretty exciting. The event came and went and my desires to be and dress as a woman surfaced more and more.
I began to take days off work and tell my wife I had out of town business, only to get a motel room and dress and shop as Renee. I did this off and on a few times a year while married. The marriage resulted in one child, a little girl. We were divorced 4 years latter after drifting apart, I never did tell my wife about my female desires as I was to insecure myself, and knew she wouldn't handle it very well.
Still to this day my ex-wife, child, and friends still don't know. I have read many times that unless there is a real need to tell someone, generally your better off not saying anything. I had several girl friends that came and went, and never told any of them either.
I knew that I was and had to be a woman some day and never again committed to any type of long term relationship. I still feel insecure about dating women, cause I feel I should have been one. After my divorce I really got serious about dressing.
I bought a large collection of clothes, make-up, and wigs. I have dressed in private this way from my divorce in 1985 till the present day. In 1979 I joined a support group called Tri-ess, and started writing letters to other Tv/Ts I was really happy to learn that were others such as myself. Even this present day I am larger in size and have some facial beard, I am able to overcome it because of my practice with make-up, clothing selection, and dressing with current styles. I have taken cross-dressing as a woman very seriously and try my best to look normal and fit in.
I met a Tv friend named Jill, and she really got me out of the closet and showed me how to go out and do thing and blend in, and have fun. She took me shopping and out to dinners and helped me get up the courage to get out in public more. Together we annually go to either: Portland, Ore., Seattle or Salt lake and just be girls for 4-5 days at a time. Being women 100 % of our vacation. While on the trips we would site-see, shop at the malls, dine out, go to Tg/Ts group meetings, We even went to a large mall and got acrylic nails done, then had glamor make-overs and photo shoots, and I got my ears pierced, my life-long dream, to be able to wear pierced earrings. We also went to some stage plays, dinner theaters, and to the clubs and see the Female Impersonator shows. We have done this three years in a row and will continue for a long time hopefully.
I am a little nervous about going around My home town, Boise, Idaho as Renee, as I have lived here all my life, and for my job and family I don't want to be read somewhere. But lately I am much more confident. I go to the wig shops, the mall, and the local gay bar sometimes as there are several Tv's and Ts that go there regular. I like the company of a gentleman while I am dressed as Renee. As I said I dress with class and wear only clothing that fits my body structure. I wear only dresses when I'm out, they make me feel free.
I am quite good with make-up and have my eyebrows plucked to a thin line. I shave most all my body hair to keep my skin soft and smooth. I have had only one boyfriend, and will find another sometime. I tried hormones for a while, but had to quit because of some leg pain I was developing, possibly related to vascular problems. My plan is to be able to live and work full time as a woman somewhere in the next 5 years, (when my daughter will be 18, and I can tell her) Then I will begin my transition with the counseling, electrolysis, and hormones and then ultimately surgery.
My travels thru this Transgender spectrum have been long, weary, and at times lonely, but I will overcome the obstacles and finally get what I feel I am, to be able to become the woman with-in Renee. I am interested in helping form a support group for Tv's and Ts's for meetings and outings and friendships, if interested let me know.
P.S. If you would like to visit My Home Page please do so:
For now I'll close,
Love, Renee