By Angela Gardner
Well kids, it must be that time of month again... now, now, girls like me may get bloated from time to time but we don't get a monthly visitor. I'm talking about it being time for the dish! This month: first hand dish, second hand dish and a cracked dish or two. Let's get started on our journey through the land of glamma...
Just the other day, Miss Lady Bunny brought a crew of queens to the little glamma back water of Philly. The girls pulled into town in a bus from NYC with their traveling Wigstock review. Along with the queens, the bus was loaded with club kids from the Apple and it's enough to boggle the brain, just think of the looks that must have gotten on the New Jersey Turnpike. Not to mention the trailing cloud of hair spray and perfume.
The girls were performing at local hot spot, Egypt. Thousands, well, at least over a thousand, packed into the place to see the New York girls strut their stuff. Lady Bunny did the opening number and MC chores and she brought along the vocal talents of Joey Arias (in a black PVC cat suit, shades of Mrs. Peel), Raven O (who appeared with me in the final episode of Ab Fab) and a couple of other girls who lip synced and didn't make such a big impression on me.
Speaking of big impressions, I happened to be standing in the Ear Candy room partaking of a lovely cocktail when the ladies and their security men passed by on the way to the stage. I realized they were the performers but I didn't recognize La Bunny at first. It could be a case of too much carrot cake, but whatever the cause, she ain't as slim as she is in photos I've seen. (Check out the Wigstock web site.) Someone call Richard Simmons. But, her glamour is still active and I know the folks in the front row could see right up that short, short dress she was wearing. Now that's entertainment. (I didn't recognize Raven cause she has trimmed and toned and was looking fierce.)
The crowd seemed to enjoy the show and applauded widely each time the girls used an expletive. Them New York queens sure do know how to cuss. They could work mother f***er into a sentence more ways than I can count. It was a little disappointing cause it reminded me of Eddie Murphy using gutter language in his act back in the old days. The jokes weren't that funny without the shock value. These queens have talent. Joey and Raven have fine feminine singing voices and Lady Bunny sings too, and is busting with stage presence, and other things, so to have them come out and have potty mouths wasn't too entertaining for me. So, cut out the foul language you bitches!
Actually, I think they might have been a little uneasy about how the Philly crowd (Philadelphia is a major hick town in the minds of Manhattanites) would react to the show. It was something of an experiment since Egypt is a firmly hetero venue for an appearance by a Wigstock review. All went well though and the stage was not trashed by the audience. I saw some interesting looks on the faces of the hets who showed up without a clue. "Hey, it's Thursday, let's go drinkin' at Egypt. Wonder if there's a show or somethin'?" A Wigstock costume contest proceeded after the show and local girls got to strut their stuff.
November seventh Egypt presents RuPaul, and the show had better be good, girlfriend. They're asking $20 at the door. Don't worry, The Diva will be on the guest list. What? What do you mean "there is no list, Miss Thing?"
You can call for info if you're in town and want some fun. The number is 215-922-6500. See ya there.
The girls weren't only performing, they were marketing. A bunch of folks in the NYC drag community, including the ladies who made the Philly trip, have gotten together a compact disc they call "The ultimate Drag Queen CD compilation!" They named it God Shave The Queen and it contains eleven drag classics from Pussy Tourette, Lilly of The Valley, Ebony Jet and the unforgettable Varla Jean Merman. I remember her song about show biz just like it was yesterday. Oh, that's Ethel Merman. Never mind.
It's on the Swoon label so wait till your nails dry and call your local record store. Unless you live in New York they probably won't have it, but you can call every day till they order it for you. If they don't order it for you wear your Wigstock wig, five inch heels and micro mini to the store every day and browse through the discs till they are overwhelmed by your beauty and accede to your demands. Or whatever.
I did, ya know, and America's favorite six foot five
queen has hit the airwaves, OK, the cable wires, with her new talk
show on VH1. All I can tell you, since I don't have cable, (signals
from space will capture your mental energy in a negative flux state,
allowing the domination of the North American land mass by small
insectoid creatures from Arcturus 6... or maybe I can't afford cable)
is that her first guest was none other than - oh, it's just so
perfect. I mean what a couple. Can't you just see their children? Oh,
right. Guess there won't be any kids, but still, they make a lovely
couple and she can even look up to him. Who? Sorry, I got wrapped up
in match making. Her first guest was Dennis
Rodman - and - they kissed on the show.
Reviewers gave the effort (the show, not the kiss) a B-. Good luck
kids. Remember, The Diva first speculated on a love match between Ru
and Rodman sometime ago in these pages. With
Madonna sinking into
parenthood and frumpiness someone's gotta take over in the tabloid
press. Of course, with Rodman's proclivities, he'll probably screw it
up by wearing Ru's dresses without permission and ripping the seams.
If ya give a crossdresser an inch, honey...
I happened to come across a story on Gale Hayman and thought it had a few tips for girls like us. Ms. Hayman is the CEO of a major cosmetics company and appears regularly on QVC. (I had a friend who appeared there regularly, till security caught her and had her locked up.) Anyhow, she's written a book now. (Isn't is a wonder how these wealthy executives have so much time? Do you suppose they hire people to sleep and shower for them? Boy, do I digress.) The book is called How Do I Look? From Confidence to Cosmetics: The Complete Guide to Inner and Outer Beauty (Random House, $24.95) and it promises to teach you loads of Gales's fashion and beauty tips from the past 25 years. Well, now we know she's been around.
What attracted my eye and gives the whole thing a transgender twist is the publicity quote that says "Beauty is a skill you learn just like tennis and cooking - there isn't one woman who cannot have beautiful eyes and beautiful lips. Take Barbra Streisand, Sophia Loren, Goldie Hawn - they are not conventional beauties, but they have learned the tricks."
It is something you have to learn, and since most of us start with a natural handicap, we're guys, we have to work harder at it, but the results can be just as glamorous. If you substitute the word "crossdresser" for the word "woman" most of this book can apply to you. Yes dear, with a little practice you can be a beauty. Well, some will need a lot of practice, but for us even the practice is fun. Hand me that lip liner, would ya?
Speaking of lip liner, Gale says most women have their lip line wrong. (Are you talkin' to me, punk?) She says you should be sure to round off the top of the lip. I know I always manage to get one side higher and if I don't watch out I get into a vicious cycle where I fix one side, then the other side is low so I fix that, and so on. After a bit I end up with an upper lip bigger than Mick Jagger's. (Don't worry, I'll get to Mick in a minute.)
Ms. Hayman's most intriguing tip? Crisco is a great makeup remover. And if you're hungry you can use it to fry up the egg whites she recommends for reducing wrinkles.
But seriously folks, it's stuffed with 800 numbers to help you order beauty supplies and it full of color charts and other beauty related stuff. I might even pick up a copy just to prove you can teach an old diva new tricks.
When I say back, I mean back to 1966.
The Rolling Stones
were a hit and I wasn't the babe I am today, I was a mere lad who
caught sight of a photo of the Stones dressed as military women.
Well, you can imagine the impact this had on an impressionable youth. I wanted to join the WACS, or play in a rock and roll band. Anyhow, the picture wasn't on an album as far as I can tell, and since that was so long ago and my memory isn't what it was, I can't say exactly where I first saw the shot. (It may have been on the postcards they included with one of the LPs.)
Thanks to People Magazine Online I had the chance to see the Stones girls again and I thought I'd share them with you. For some other shots aim your web browser to People's Photo Gallery and check out the girls.
In a short interview the photographer says the dressing up idea was inspired by the song Honky Tonk Women. Now that's a great explanation, but... Honky Tonk Women did not come out till 1970. Photo session in 1966, song in 1970? Don't think so! Check it out and make your own decision on just why the boys dressed up, even to the correct underwear.
How about Miss Whoopi Goldberg? She's got a new picture, called The Associate, in which she not only changes gender, she changes race. She's done a lot in film, from a psychic to a nun, but this time she becomes an old white guy. Here's the poop on the plot: Laurel Ayers (the Whoopster) is a top notch financial analyst with more brains than most of the men she works with. She's fed up with playing the corporate game to get ahead, and when she doesn't get a well-deserved promotion, Laurel decides the fairer sex has played fair long enough. She convinces everyone that she's formed a partnership with a powerful financial whiz. Dollar bills begin to multiply like bunnies and the financial world is all a twitter over who her enigmatic associate just might be. Of course comedy in the course of it all comedy ensues. Along for the ride are Dianne Wiest, Tim Daly, Bebe Neuwirth, Lainie Kazan, Austin Pendleton, George Martin (doesn't he produce music?) and Eli Wallach.
Don't expect to see a lot of Whoopi as a guy, they build up to the big finish, but do expect to see a movie about that little old phenomena know as gender roles.
Whoopi is keeping busy these days preparing to take over Nathan Lane's role in Broadway's A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum from February eleventh to June twenty ninth. They don't even know how they're going to fit her into what was written as a male role but with Nathan's experience as a femme and Whoopi's time as an old guy, they oughta be able to come up with some gender mutation that will fit the bill. In any event, it should prove interesting. I'll provide further details as they transpire.
At last, some solid dish on the new John Lequizamo film The Pest. Leguizamo plays Pestario "Pest" Vargas, a Latin scam-artist who is offered a deal he can't refuse. He owes a lot of cash to an unlikely cartel... the Scottish Mafia ... and so Pest accepts a fifty thousand dollar "scholarship" offer from the enigmatic Gustav (Jeffrey Jones). In order to win the "scholarship," Pest has to join Gustav on an island hunt. There he discovers that he's the one being hunted. Oh no, will our hero provide the last human head necessary to complete Gustav's trophy collection? No way! Well, he still could cause he's further enticed by an offer of one million dollars if he successfully manages to survive 24 hours of the hunt. In a race against time and the elements, Pest escapes the island and returns to his home turf of Miami where Gustav continues the hunt which leads to an insane series of events that unfold in Miami's South Beach section. Pest adopts a variety of disguises as he attempts to escape trophydom and pay of the kilted mob. "Feed him a hagis he can't refuse." It's arriving in a theater near you in November.
I just got back from dinner at Lips in the Big Apple, and I ate Lady Bunny. Oh stop, it's the name of the dish. All the menu items at Lips are named for NYC drag artistes, and let me tell you, Miss Bunny was delicious. The place isn't as large as I thought it would be and the staff do lip sync shows right there among the tables. Watch out for flying sequins landing in your food and do try to pay attention to the ladies as they perform. They get annoyed when people continue their dinner chat while the show is on. Since they also have control over the contents of your plate it's a good idea to look attentive. It's located near the intersection of Greenwich Avenue and Bank Street, on Bank. Look for the neon lips in the window. For reservations call 212-675-7710.
There's a new group out there in genderland. Let's all welcome the Boise Bloomers to the support group list. If you folks in Boise want to stop reading online stuff like this about wearing dresses and start getting out of the house in your own dress, these are the folks you should call, or email. Boise Bloomers, c/o Elizabeth P., 582 E. Boise Avenue Box 153, Boise ID. 83706, 208-388-3864, email Liz@rmci.net
They call themselves a "Inclusive transgender social support group for (the) gender gifted." Well, I'll go along with "differently gendered" but this "gender gifted" thing sounds like it comes wrapped with ribbons and colorful paper. However you identify it, if you want some like minded folks to talk it over with get out and meet the Bloomers. They get together on the 2nd and 4th Saturdays of each month.
Well, I need to take some time to get myself together, so until next month my little fuzzy slippers, I must bid you adeiu. Drop me a note: love , hate, whateva. The Diva