About Amanda Kelly



I was born in Toronto Ontario Canada on Aug.23/1966. For those of you who beleive in astrology I was born on the cusp before the sun rise, and I am for the most part very much a Leo. I have lived in Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto, my entire life. My fir st recolection of knowing I was feamle inside, was at age three and a half. I was trying on my mothers clothes and playing with her makeup and an add for the girls clubs of America came on tv. I remembered hearing about girls clubs and boys clubs and wond ered if I could join the girls club. My mom of course told me NO because I was a boy! She explained the differences between boys and girls to me. I hadn't really known untill then that something was indeed wrong. I kept everything to myself for years. Bot h of my parents had emotional problems and as a result were both physicaly and emotionaly abusive to me and eachother. I was sexually abused by my 37 year old cousin Dave when I was 7, It is still hard to talk about the 8 months of hell he put me through. My parents divorced when I was 8. My mom had several nervous breakdowns, and subsequently we ended up on welfare living in public housing.

By my early teens I was crossdressing regularly. My mom started her own accounting firm and started working long hours, though we remained in public housing. I had many long hours alone that were just heaven. Eventually I learned how to mask my femini ne self and venture into the masculine world where I made friends of typical Canadian, hockey playing, underaged beer drinking guys. I was miserable as a guy, and prayed for the day I would be able to just go off on my own and be me.

After I highschool I came out. My mom had another nervous breakdown. My fater went into denial. My friends abandoned me, I went for assesment at the Gender Identity Clinic at the Clarke Institute of Canada, as at the time SRS was what i thought I wanted. I was wrong. I want desperately to be female, and the operation just isn't my magic answer. I hated my time at the GIC and went back into hiding feeling very much alone afterwards. During this time I denied myself all things feminine an d purged my life of Amanda. I met my Significant Other "Donna" during this time, and fell in love. I felt the pull back to my feminine ways after only a few months but feared Donna's hatered of who I was. So for the next 6 years would stay hidden untill I worked up the courage to talk to her about it.

Now I have my love Donna, a very full life with new friends who love and respect me for who I am inside. I consider myself very lucky.

I work at of all places the POST OFFICE, but have a dream of beinga published Author. I have had a few poems published in small magazines and Online publications, as well as news letters. My whole life is ahead of me now and I am living it day by day to its fullest!


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