For a variety of reasons, most of us have throughout our lives found ourselves on the "outside" of some group. It may have been because we were the "new kid" on the block or "the only girl" in a neighborhood of boys or probably more significant, but certainly not necessarily more hurtful, excluded because of our race, religion, or sexual orientation. Artificial barriers have always been a part of society; they have developed because they are ways to make us feel good because somehow we are "better" than those who are excluded. The more we depend on these barriers, the greater must be our need to feel "better."
But through education and maturation, most of us began to realize that these artificial barriers were not true indications of success or goodness. That in many instances these barriers were hurtful, causing low self-esteem, self-hatred, and negative behavior. Those in our society who still believe that artificial barriers are true indicators of what is right and what is normal are the hardest to convince that those "outside" their circle may actually have value and merit. Their need to feel "better" is so strong that they are opposed, sometimes violently, to any discussion which might pierce the sacredness of their beliefs. And so the barriers continue to divide.
What is wonderful and amazing about the gender community is that it shows clearly just how much alike we are, not how DIFFERENT. Go to any gender event and you will see a doctor conversing with a plumber, blacks conversing with whites, men talking with women, young conversing with the not so young, gays and lesbians talking with crossdressers, Catholics conversing with Jews - economic background, racial background, religious background, educational differences, sexual differences, gender differences, age differences seem not to matter at all. What a leveling factor gender is. And in leveling and knocking down these artificial barriers plaguing most of us for most of our lives, we see an added benefit. Our self-esteem develops and our self-hatred decreases as we realize we are not so very different from those around us.
Those individuals who are able to let go of their narrow beliefs have found out how wonderful and freeing that is. What is needed are ways to help ALL individuals free themselves from their rigidity and the gender community is certainly helping. Outreach is one method; individuals attending presentations have opened their minds up to knowledge and have come away freer and happier. Attending gender events and meeting a variety of people are also very positive experiences.
Unfortunately, new barriers seem to develop as old barriers are knocked down. Witness the increase in gangs all over the country and what appears to be more hate-mongering. It appears that paradise, where differences between people will matter not at all, will continue to be allusive, especially in those societies facing crisis whether it is economic, political, religious or social.
Those of us in the gender community must continue doing what we are doing. Helping to break down those artificial barriers.
(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)