With Cindy Martin
Transgender Forum Publisher
© 1996 Transgender Forum
February 26, 1996
This week's episode of the Fox Network show the "X Files" had a great little scene that is every crossdresser's nightmare: the knock on the door that comes while you are in mid-transformation.
The crossdresser is a prominent doctor in town. She hears the knock and rushes down, all sweaty and nervous. Bald pated, no wig, smeared lipstick, frilly nightgown. And at the door? An angry mob of townspeople who want to string her up as a Satanist! Oh Lardy! It all works out fine, she gets out of trouble without a problem, but it was one of those moments in which you just KNEW that the writer had a little too much knowledge.
By the way, how many of you remember that X File star David Duchovny got his first big TV exposure as a crossdresser on that weird, but cool, show, Twin Peaks? It always goes around and comes around.
Speaking of television, Dawn Wilson was one of the featured people during the 20/20 show last week on the transgender community. Dawn has a pictorial here, often contributes material and has recently moved from Lexington, KY to San Francisco. (More on the "20/20" show below.)
Though she is very new in town, Dawn finished as first runner up in the ETVC Cotillion last weekend, an incredible showing for a newcomer. Top honors went to Valerie Genalo, who became Miss ETVC 1996, and Bobby Bentley, who became Mr. ETVC 1996.
Add Cotillion: California State Sen. Milton Marks (D-SF) and his wife, Carolene, were honored as ETVC's "Friends of the Community". Marx was the first elected official to accept an invitation to the SF group's event which is now a very hot "comp" for local pols.
During the presentation of the awards Marx repeated his pledge, first reported here some months ago, that he would introduce a bill to protect transgenders from being fired because of who we are. Marx told the 400-plus in attendance that he only became aware of what an issue this is because he had come to ETVC Cotillions. He he not met us directly he said he would never have been aware of the struggles so many of us face. It was a moving moment.
Marks has been a great friend of this community and is about to retire due to term limits which will leave us without an identified champion in Sacramento. However, Carolene Marx announced her intention to run for SF Supervisor this November. That drew a standing "o" from the crowd.
I asked for your comments on the "20/20" show and as always you came through. A sampling of the response:
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Cindy,
They described us as "wierd" right off the bat, but then gave the TG perspective. They talked about Teena Brandon and referred to people in their adopted gender; "him" and "her".
And they used the Net to organize!! Yay!!! I'm looking for mention of TG Forum, but hope it's not mentioned. "I had to prove to myself that I was not a sissy, a fruitcake."
I disagree with John Stoessel's politics and dislike the way he has railed against environmental protection. But, he was understanding and helped interpret what people said. It seemed that he was touched by these sincere people he met.
All in all, it was a good treatment.
Sally N
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Dear Cindy,
I am a heterosexual, straight male. I saw the episode regarding the cross-gender officers on ABC last nite. I happen to live in Hoboken NJ. where lieutenant "Janet"is a police officer.First off she has to be the bravest person I have ever seen, in order to withstand the public ridicule and scorn that is happening here.
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Hi Cin,
Hugh Downs needs to come out of the dark ages, geeeesh! "Are these people gay?" I guess he doesn't watch anything except 20/20. I guess though in asking,, he had it answered for many... I have a real problem with the characterization of 'weird'. Years ago I petitioned, and was successful, to change the course offering at Arizona State from Deviant Sexual Behavior to Variant Sexual Behavior...the semantics are SOOO important
talk with ya soon,
Stacy
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Watched with great interest (recognized a couple of faces from
net pictures). I thought 20/20 gave a pretty even-handed,
reasonable presentation with little noticeable bias.
Particularly noted the interplay between Hugh and Stone at end
where Hugh asked if they were gay and the response was clearly
NO. I only wish they could have gotten a little deeper, like
what are CD's.
Hugs,
Suzi
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I'd rather be "wierd" and happy than close-minded anyday.
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Cindy,
I watched the 20/20 program and enjoyed it very much and thought it was presented positivly by the network. Best wishes, Teri
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Thanks everyone!
The 7th Annual Conference & General Assembly of The University of California Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Association (UCLGBA) will be held February 16th-18th, 1996 at the University of California, Berkeley.
Transsexual lesbian activist Susan Stryker, co-author of Gay by the Bay: A History of Queer Culture in the San Francisco Bay Area, due in April from Chronicle Books, will be a keynote speaker. The theme of this year's event is:"Queer Safe Space: Scholarship and Solidarity in an Age of Diversity" An interesting TG panel, which includes ETVC's Erin Souza, will be conducted on Saturday afternoon.
All interested individuals, whatever your background or affiliation, are invited to attend. Email either Francesca Rivera: or James Betbeze for more info.
Riki Wilchins tells me that a British transsexual rights group, Press For Change, has reported a breakthrough decision at the European Court of Justice which apparently renders employment discrimination against transsexuals illegal throughout the European Community. In the case of P v S and Cornwall County the Attorney General has recommended to the European Court that "equal treatment for men and women" should cover transsexuals as well.
If confirmed, the Court’s decision will make unlawful discrimination against transsexuals on the grounds that they are going to have or have had gender reassignment. It is rare for such recommendations to not be ratified. The case of P v S and Cornwall County Council involved a male to female transsexual, P, who was terminated from her job when she began her transition and applied to come to work as a woman.
The apparent breakthrough comes just as a Parliamentary MP, Alex Carlile, has announced his introduction of a bill enabling transexuals in the UK to legally change their sex. Great Britain has remained one of the few European countries where transgendered individuals are still held to be legally of their birth sex, in spite of having undergone social transition and full surgical reassignment.
Jennifer Richards epitomized everything that is great about this community: she was fun, generous, a very hard worker and she could really belt out a tune. She was also gay, yet she devoted her community life to groups and people who were overwhelming straight or bi-sexual. Her great works, including the establishment of the Mid-America Gender Group Information Exchange (MAGGIE), which includes the Saint Louis Gender Foundation, Iowa Artistry, Kansas CityCrossdressers And Friends, River City Gender Alliance, and the Wichita Transgender Alliance, will be remembered for many, many years to come.
I remember the first time I met Jennifer. It was at the IFGE convention in Portland a few years back. I live near San Francisco so I'm well acquainted with gay people and knew Jennifer was queer in an instant. And I mean queer in the old fashioned way. She was absolutely the odd-girl out at that event.
But what I found remarkable was that Jennifer wasn't outwardly fazed by her "otherness." This despite the fact that she was often teamed with some of the very same people who have worked hard to keep gays out of their own organizations. Privately Jennifer was hurt by the homophobia that persists in this community. It definitely bothered her that gays were barred from full membership, or even outright banned, from some "support" groups.
We are lucky to have had Jennifer with us, even for so short a time. I just hope that one day the clubs that persist in their ridiculous policies will come to their senses and realize how much they lose by keeping people like her away.
I miss you Jennifer, you were a queen in the finest sense of the word.
Sociologists from the University of Northumbria have found that 10 percent of Star Trek fans are obsessive (hey, there's a shock!) and show withdrawl symptoms when "insufficient Star Trek activities are encountered." From Reuters.
The closet has a lot of weird effects on people, including pushing some into kinky sex stuff. You know what I mean: the maids outfits, the S/M things, etc. In and of themselves none of this is objectionable, but it just cannot replace what most transgender people really want, which is connection and affirmation from other people.
Getting out of the closet and meeting people in the community may not get rid of fetish fantasies (hell, you not want to get rid of some of them!), but the relief from isolation usually clears away a lot of the confusion. I know once I knew that I had a place to go a lot of the ritualization that had crept into my sex life just disappeared. My sex life didn't go away (thank God!), but I found that my budget for leather goods and boas declined dramatically while my spending on blazers and silk charmeuse blouses took off.
Spouses often worry that when their transgendered husband makes contact with the community that he will become influenced to have a sex change. The reality is quite different. For many people the ability to have regular contact eventually lessens feelings that one may be transexual. There are a lot of exceptions of course, but I've found that once people can routinely express themselves they soon find some comfort level to their crossdressing that many spouses can live with. It also doesn't hurt for the spouse to go to a meeting or two where she can meet people and make up her own mind. I've met dozens of women who have done this and almost all have come away with a good impression.
I have never found a downside to connecting with this community. Yes, there are some major jerks and some truly narcissitic people, but so what? I run into those types at work everyday too. They just don't wear mini-skirts and fishnets to the 11 a.m. meeting.
Quick Tip: Some women REALLY hate it when they're cross-dressing hubby shaves his legs. Compromise and keep her happy. Get two pairs of Danskin, or other dancing leotards. Both should be opaque, but one pair should have a sheen while the other should have a dull finish. Where the shiny one on top of the matte one. Voila! No visible hair. I know one person who won the ETVC "legs" contest three years straight who used this trick and the judges never knew that she had the hairiest legs in the place.
A woman wearing only a bikini stopped traffic in San Jose, CA a few weeks ago when she began whipping a man who was wearing only a leather g-string at a busy intersection. The cops came by of course, but no one was busted because, one officer said, no laws were broken. Turned out it was part of a radio station contest for "most outrageous prank." They won.
Fun Factoids:
In a survey done a few years ago a transgender group in Australia discovered that in married households the TG person's average high heel size was 2 inches larger than their spouse's.
Last year my favorite industry group, the Intimate Apparel Association, found that better than 80 percent of the American males had shopped for women's lingerie. Of course, it was all for their wives and girlfriends...
A recent report by a cosmetic surgeons assoication found that men now account for one-fourth of all the work being done. About half of the surgery is for hair transplants, but face lifts, nose jobs and eye lifts were rapidly gaining popularity. The report predicted higher rates over the next decade as Baby Boomers pass 50.
Didn't you married guys always suspect this? The average American woman has 21 pairs of shoes, including at least three pairs that have never left the house. So why won't they share?
I don't know about you, but I've always loved Barbie dolls. Turns out that so do a lot of other people and Barbies have become a hot collectible. So hot in fact that there was a run on Happy Holidays Barbie dolls this season.
I actually like the new, radio controlled dancing Barbie better. Girls should have cool toys too and this one is a winner.
Anyway, HH Barbies were bought up by some unscrupulous "scalpers", or "leeches", as some are calling them in the rec.collecting.dolls usenet group on the Internet. This is a very lively group and they aren't excited by the $175 asking price being offered by some of this "collectors". But what is even more interesting is who is on this site. I did a check on the names and found that male names accounted for 40 percent-plus of the traffic.
Sooner or later (I hoped later) I knew I'd hear from a religious nut, and I have. This one was a little slicker than others I've met, but it's just better packaging of the same old stuff.
Now this particular guy had a interesting spin on his story. He explained in his e-mail note that he had tried cross-dressing, but realized it was an abomination. He could relate to so much he'd read here, but he knew he had committed a sin. Okay, fine, I disagree with that, but there was more: he'd seen the light. And guess what? We could too! We could stop being inferior sinners (read: abominations) and be like him, just by believing in what he believes.
What really annoyed me was that this guy wrote the top of his letter as if he wanted advice on how to deal with his problem. It angered me that it was ploy. He wasn't looking for help or advice at all. He just wanted to preach.
You may have noticed that there are NO automatic postings at Transgender Forum. This kind of letter is one reason for that. If you want abuse, flame wars, and loonies you can always go read the Usenets. Or listen to talk radio. Better yet, watch Congress on C-Span.
One last thing: When it comes to religion I believe that the person whose birthday we celebrate at this time of year would be ashamed of anyone who would his name to express intolerance and ignorance. Those are the real sinners.
By now you know that JoAnn Roberts, one of the most respected people in the transgender community, has agreed to join with Jamie Fay and me to create the largest, and best, transgender site on the World Wide Web.
There will be a lot of changes over the next few months here, changes we hope you'll enjoy. You'll see more more columnists and writers, lots of new shopping options and a greatly expanded community area that will feature expanded resources lists and guides as well as expanded space for local organizations to promote their groups and activities.
We also expect to dramatically expand services we now offer, as well as add many new ones I think you're going to love. We've made a commitment to restore chat and discussion groups, but there are tons of innovative services coming as well.
At the same time, Transgender Forum will continue to publish weekly with all the features and writers you've come to enjoy this last year. Stick with us, you're going to have a great time!
Family is what this season is really all about. All too often we get so absorbed in exploring our transgender experience that we lose track of what the really important things are in life: our loved ones.
Respect has to be earned and it is disheartening for me to hear - again - about how people in this community continue to behave rudely to each other and to vendors by forgetting the simplest of courtesies.
Look, if you promise to be somewhere, if you've made an appointment, either honor it or call and let the person know you cannot make it. Simple as that. Your paranoia doesn't justify rudeness.
For some reason there are people in this community who forget all manners once they "dress up." If this is just a fantasy or fun for you, that's fine. But that does not give you license to turn into a stupid boor and treat the rest of us like we're just characters in your show.
Phyllis Frye, executive director of the International Conference On Transgender Law and Employment Policy, was honored last month at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) "Creating Change" Conference. In comments prior to the award, it was recognized that "the transgender community has stood the lesbian, gay and bisexual community on its head during the past year." Frye reports that there was much praise throughout the entire conference for all of the work done by the multitude of TG folks from around the country who had selflessly supported gay causes for decades.
A word to those who think all crossdressers ever want to talk about is their make-up and nylons: if YOU don't want to be stereotyped, don't stereotype others.
A word to crossdressers who only want to talk about makeup and nylons: stop behaving like a damn stereotype. It is so stinkin' boring!
"Parents, Schools and Values," is the innocuous-sounding title of Congressional hearings, set to begin Tuesday Dec. 5, but they may not be quite so innocent.
The hearings, which will be before Rep. Peter Hoekstra's (R-MI) House Economic and Employment Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations, were insigated by the Rev. Lou Sheldon, the extremist Christian fundamentalist who has made no secret of his hatred of gays, and by extension, us.
Sheldon and others who support his views, has called for the elimination of any school services or programs which address prevention of HIV, hate crimes and the high incidence of suicide among gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth should because they "recruit and promote homosexuality." Melinda Paras, Executive Director of the the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force said "The Radical Right will not rest until they have forced their narrow-minded ideas onto every facet of our society. By holding these hearings, Congress is playing into the plans of the Right to raise a generation of hateful, intolerant and mean-spirited young Americans. Now is the time for decent Americans to stand up and say 'no' by demanding that Congress step out of the back pocket of the Radical Right. We cannot allow our nation's young people to be pawns in the agenda of the far right."
"I wonder which parents, which young people, and which values the subcommittee's hearings will highlight?" said Paras "Right wing extremists hope to promote only their narrow definition of the 'acceptable' family. Will the hearings fairly and fully reflect the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender youth who face harassment, hostility and violence in their schools every day, with no one to defend them? Will the hearings fairly and fully reflect the aspirations of the many lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender parents who are raising children? Will the hearings fairly and fully reflect values such as respect, tolerance, and compassion? Or will the hearings merely be a platform for the narrow-minded bigotry of extremists like Lou Sheldon, the Christian Coalition and others who share their views?" asked Paras.
You definitely can go home again.
In recent weeks I've been getting some interesting mail from post-op transexuals who are many years beyond their surgery. It's fascinating because of the strong desire for re-connection to the community that comes through some of these letters.
Traditionally, most transexuals "disappear into the woodwork" after surgery and sever their ties to the community, if they had them to begin with. Many go to great lengths to hide their past lives, which is understandable, given the kind of harassment that transgender people can get in this society. There are transexuals who have never tried to conceal what they are, or have been outted in some way, but that isn't this group. These folks don't want to be "out" as transexuals, rather they want re-connection with other TSs and the right to retain their privacy.
I like this trend, if it is one, and I hope that more long-term post-op TSs find each other. This is a group of people who have tremendous insights to offer the whole community, yet we have not been heard from much them. I hope that will change.
Once in a while I listen to talk radio and the other day I heard a conservative host (are there any other kind?) say that he received a phone call from a crossdresser on the night when San Francisco's transgender law was passed. This crossdresser, he said, told him that he had gone to one support group meeting but would never go back because "all they talked about were liberal politics."
I cannot imagine which "support group" this crossdresser visited, but the point of bring up this 10-month-old phone call was because the host wanted to use it as a way of painting us all as left-wingers. I found kind of hilarious, but it ticked me off too. You can say a lot about us, but one thing we are not is politically homogenous.
Take a look at the response to the "Do we need anti-discrimination laws?" question in this week's BBS. Sure, there are people who think we need some protection, which I happen to believe, but there are also those who not only do not think we need laws but who argue that more laws would be counter-productive. I respect that position because some of us really DON'T need a legal shield, because we either look perfect in our preferred gender or because our current life situation doesn't put us into any real danger of losing a job or a home. Plus, some people simply do not believe that laws really do anything to protect against discrimination.
There is truth in both points of view. I have known many people whose transgender status was known and who have done well without any real legal protection. But I also know people whose lives have dissolved once their status became obvious or known.
It is just plain stupid to assume we are all liberals. We've got plenty of conservatives in our community. I may not agree with some of their ideas, but I still think it is beneficial that we are all still talking and working with each other. For one thing, having a diversity of views has helped temper the behavior of our political leaders. If you get too crazy with this community you just don't have any support.