To Pass or Not To Pass: That is the Question

By Leslee Anthony
Sorry Shakespeare and MacBeth but I had to do it. The devil made me do it, actually it was Cindy Martin, but don't tell her I told you so.

Anyway, let's start with a quote, or as near as I can get it, from Melanie Yarborough who writes for Powder Puffs of California, a southern LA organization and an exceptionally active and fine one at that.

"Noon, downtown San Diego near 5th and C Street, there is a lot of pedestrian traffic. She had wavy blond hair, a black long-sleeved sweater top, a 16" clinging flowered skirt, with black opaque hose. Miniskirts draw attention, no matter who is wearing them. Now that my interest was piqued, I noticed something different about her. Then it dawned on me- it was a guy! At first I couldn't define what led me to this. She gave off a certain indescribable 'radiation of incongruity'. Then I realized what it was- her movements. She had a tense, clipped stride, the way men walk. There was none of the comfortable, loose, fluid motion that women have. Now, being crossdressed in public is nerve wracking, I know. But that nervousness transmits itself into body language. And this unease is transmitted to the casual observer subconsciously, if not consciously. Now that I was examining her closely, I saw her lack of hips and broad shoulders, which clinched it. Let me say that she was not necessarily an obvious read. However she gave off certain kinetic inconsistencies."

Melanie went on to point out the effort of most men is to cover the beard, add breast pads and do all the cosmetic things that they, the men, think makes them feminine. One particularly poignant comment was, "You can't assemble a female image the way some male engineers would have it." Perfect, beautiful and now I get to the point.

Femininity comes from inside and all the cosmetics, hormones and surgical expertise that money can buy will not create a female. Please, nobody say it, the old silk purse and something about a sows ear comment. But it is true. To pass or not to pass begins with attitude. Do you want to be a female or merely look like one occasionally?? Are you striving to be a silk purse or are you content to remain a sows ear??

Several characteristics need be addressed. Poise, body language, manner, voice and even vocabulary and speech patterns. The video "Melanie Speaks" covers quite well the voice and associated verbal skills. She reminds us that women say "nails" and it is understood among women that she is referring to the protein mass at the ends of our fingers. Males say "nails" and they mean a pointed metal object to be hit with a hammer, sometimes on purpose. Men usually say "fingernail" to distinguish it from the other kind that they sometimes hit with the hammer but also to describe the one they got when they missed the metal one. Nail versus fingernail, subtle but significant if you really want to pass.

There is another verbal signal easily identified by even a part time sales clerk, and anybody else for that matter. Except another macho female imitation. Males will say "Let me see those earrings, please". Possibly even omitting the "please". A female will say something like, "My, those are pretty. May I look at those earrings?" The difference is obvious when seen in this manner, a macho command versus a gentle request. Each one is quite clear in intent, but different in the verbal, and psychological, approach.

Naturally there are those who will differ by pointing out that they have heard just such crass directness from women. True, but we are dealing with generalities and ladies and those of us who take our femininity seriously and want to pass, not with the exceptions who violate even their own genders unwritten rules of demeanor. Besides, one can always rationalize odd behavior one way or another.

Also, consider something as common as sitting in a chair. Sitting in a chair?? You plop your butt down on the chair and sit back!! Oh yeah?? No my Dear, men plop, we ladies sit. We always pass both hands behind our back and across our seat to smooth the dress or skirt or avoid wrinkling the slacks. We cross our legs knee to knee, seldom knee to ankle. We also, often, cross our ankles and let them sort of angle off to one side or the other. We are also careful , usually, to keep our knees together or at least close, never the masculine knee spread squat.

Squat brings up bending over or kneeling. A lady will bend to pick up an object by keeping her knees close together, feet fairly close and sort of do a kind of deep knee bend. A man will usually keeps his knees slightly bent, spread his feet and bend over at the waist, letting his rear project out like some bulbous target. Besides, it is easy to bend over in a carefree manner when you wear pants, but a skirt or dress, and especially a miniskirt, create new problems. Basic difference? Ladies bend down at the knees, men at the waist.

Even crossing your arms is a different technique. Most of the time a woman crosses her arms with both hands and all nails showing. Essentially placing a hand on each bicep, not interlocked. A man will usually cross his arms with one hand showing and the other tucked safely under his bicep. Interlocked. Maybe he is trying to create a muscle with one hand and hide it with the other, who knows??

You might also notice that a man seldom, if ever, covers his mouth with his hand, but that is quite common among women. Watch for this pose, a half an arms crossed pose with one hand on a the upper arm and the other up sort of covering the mouth with the index and middle finger. If you didn't know better you might think they were sucking their thumb. Watch women shopping and it is as if that pose will create some magic decision maker not available to men. I have seen it in many places and many situations and not once have I seen a man do it. A man will come close by cupping his chin, but not cover his mouth.

The matter of walking is probably the most difficult and most obvious. Especially in heels. Generally women walk gracefully, men sort of charge ahead. In heels a key point is that ladies straighten their knee with each stride, men seldom do that no matter when or what. And the looseness referred to by Melanie comes from the hips. Men, as you know, "ain't got none". And that feminine looseness is not a sloppy, fashion model on parade looseness, but a natural swaying and tilting created by the broader pelvic construction of the female. Men can, with practice and concentration, mimic that motion. It is critical to public passing. All that needs to be done is to walk as if your hip, waist and lower back muscles are too tired to remain in control. Let your hips move freely. Not totally out of control but at least with some sway and casualness. It will seem quite awkward, and it is, but if you are to pass or not to pass, all of this becomes important.

Yeah, I know, you have seen women that don't fit any of this. Sure, but not all in one woman I bet. The effort is to overcome certain obvious masculine characteristics so that you will be more relaxed in public and consequently more passable. Unless your goal is to be recognized as man wearing a dress, in which case why are you reading this?? Go get a miniskirt, grow a beard and then head for the mall. If you do, be sure you have adequate identification and pray that you do not encounter some uneducated a nd uninformed patrolman who is bored and wants some attention himself.

Passing, or acceptance as I prefer to call it, is a practiced skill, not a natural act even for those of us who feel our inner femininity. After all one doesn't just change ones gender and actions as easily as one changes lingerie. The nicest compliment I ever got was not about how great I looked, or how passable I am but rather simply that I seemed so comfortable, confident and feminine. And that from a woman's color analyst who to this day has no idea of my basic gender. So go for it, practice and learn feminine skills and mannerism and eventually you will feel the confidence and comfort that comes from being feminine, and passing as one.



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