There are a multitude of facets which follow - they are not in any particular order or significance.
1. I cannot remember not wanting to be! At the age of three or four I always wanted to play the female role in fantasy games and would ask my parents when am I going to be a girl?
2. Subliminal psychological pressure from my mother - I was the youngest of four boys, all of whom had been hard work for her. I turned up when she was 44 after a nine year gap.
3. I love the sensual nature of feminine clothes that is absent from male. Part of this is complete nonsense: On "normal" clothing - what is the difference between a male and a female roll neck?
4. I find it relaxing and a stress release. As I write this I am wearing some wonderful lingerie and boobs(instantly removable should the children need me), while my wife is away on for three days.
5. I love women and their company. Is not mimicry one of the highest forms of flattery?
6. It is a compulsion? I "dress" constantly in varying degrees depending on circumstance.
7. It is a fantasy? Some boys dream of being and engine driver or a space man - some of us would like to be Claudia Schiffer!
8. Is there a thrill to be found in being caught giving rise to an adrenalin rush in contrast to No. 4?
I am not interested in irreversible SRS - but the fantasy of taking a "girl pill" and waking up transformed for a week is there. That said, I have tried Premarin (black market) for several weeks I am not sexually attracted to men. Though I feel I would enjoy a lesbian relationship!
My Wife and I have been together 10 years and married for eight; our girls are 4 and 7. We have a very strong relationship and family life. I am a professional engineer and my wife is a senior sales person.
By various ruses my wife has accepted my wearing knickers and tights on a daily basis. They all go in the family wash and get put in my drawer without comment. At night I wear a silk night shirt.
What I have tried to do is push little by little until strong resistance was felt. She objected to hold ups rather than tights and didn't like me asking to try on her new silk suit (all her clothes are designer-we are the same size (5' 9" size 14 38C), but she is beautiful blond. She likes "male" men - which on the surface I am (Engineer, Yacht Master, Pilot, rider of fast motorbikes , Alpine Skier etc ..) There is underlying feminine side. By the by after much angst, I assure.
Meanwhile I joined a club 4 months ago which I attend during " long business lunches" which will give me an outlet should the domestic opportunity be completely closed.
Love, Helen
ear Helen:
Why do I want to be a girl? Like you, I can't remember ever not wanting to be one, there may be a subliminal cause, but I am not aware of one. I, too, love the feel of female attire . . . it just seems that my body is in sync with my mind when dressed. I, too, find it relaxing or is it that I don't feel natural as a male? It is a compulsion for me? Well if necessity equals compulsion, I guess it is. It used to be a fantasy, but now it is more of a reality. I, too, prefer women and am a Lesbian, I guess. Do I want to get caught. Oh yes! Then I would have nothing to hide. Although I am out in public, there are those forums were I conceal my true identity . . . at work, with my S.O.'s relatives, etc.. So you see, you are not alone and many of us tell the same story(ies).
For some, having to limit their "outings" becomes more and more difficult and can cause severe depression. Does you wife notice your "distance" from her at times? Are you often terse, tense, sarcastic and just plain nasty? This can be symptoms of depression or perhaps repression. It can eat your relationship up. So, although you have not asked for advice, I will take that liberty. Level with your wife and don't sneak around. You will feel better, she worse for a while and it may even ruin your marriage, but not necessarily. If you can get her to go to a gender counselor, do so. You are not going to be cured, but you and your wife may get a better understanding of what's going on. With a lot of work and understanding you two may even learn to have fun with it!
Rachael
ear Rachael:
I have a question for you that I'm not sure anyone can answer, I have been dressing for ten years, purged many times, much the same as most others I have read about, except for one small twist. About 5 years into my dressing/purging I had a memory flashback to when I was 7 or 8 years old and I was found by my mother in her dresser drawers eating a months supply of her contraceptive pills. Now I didn't recall this incident until years after I started dressing & wishing I was a woman. It was a bit of a shock, but a few things started to make sense when I think about it. For instance why various men told me I had nice breasts (which used to worry me but I don't care what they think anymore), why I never fit in the male stereotype (can't stand the way men talk & carry on about women & sex & everything) why I hate my job so passionately (have walked out of many a jobs in tears) and why I have very erratic emotional states etc.
This is the first time I have ever told another living soul my feelings hope you can give me some information or references which might help.
Thank you,
Dave
ear Dave:
Taking hormones at a very young age greatly increases the likelihood that your body will develop more completely as a woman. Birth control pills are hormones, of course. What seems very "unlikely" is that one episode of ingestion would transform your body much at all. Some men have very fleshly and somewhat large breasts naturally. Perhaps you are one of those fortunate ones. The other aspects that you talk about are just about being "you", I think. I doubt that it could be linked to taking your mom's pills way back when.
It might help you to talk out your feelings with a gender counselor in your area . . . maybe SRS is for you, but then, again, maybe it is not. . . and there is lot to consider in between being male or SRS.
Rachael
ear Rachael:
Hello, my name is Pauline. I am new to this form of chatting. Looking forward to talking to someone that may share my interest.
I'm married to a woman who "tolerates" my dressing. She doesn't like it, however will put up with it on occasions. Some of those occasions are associated with me coloring her hair or running her a warm bubble bath, as long as it is quick. I must dress myself and purchase all of my own clothing. I don't get much help from her.
Dressing for me has been a around for a long time. I enjoy dreaming about being submissive. Most of my outfits are of black and white, with tight fitting undergarments. Shaving my legs is a new to me in dressing. Not sure how the Wife will handle this. I sure enjoy the smoothness against silky stockings.
Pauline
Dear Pauline:
Well, I'm glad you found us. It always helps to talk to "birds of the same feather." I encourage you to keep the conversation flowing with other sisters on this and other forums. Educate yourself as to what's out here, what resources are available to you and your wife to help you both deal with it effectively. Who knows, in time, maybe your wife will learn to enjoy you cross-dressing activities with you. A marriage counselor may help both of you.
Rachael.