"Because it's ladies night."




Thought Trans-mission

Gay Divorcee?

By Melody Griffiths


This column is designed to be about thoughts, feelings, and events a young transsexual goes through in her quest to discover who she is, and become who she wants to be -- both serious and humorous. The viewpoints expressed in this column may be inflammatory, and as such are not to be considered the opinions of the editors or owners of Transgender Forum -- solely the author of the column, Melody Griffiths. Comments on this column may be sent to the address posted at the end.
"Sorry, guys, you aren't allowed in here until 11..." I looked at the bouncer of our local gay bar confusingly, and asked him, "Why not?"

"Because it's ladies night."

Glancing at my mini-skirt and flats, I thought this was slightly ludicrous. "Umm, aren't I a lady...? I have a letter if you'd like to see it..."

"No, that's alright. We only allow genetic women in on ladies nights. You're more than welcome to come back when the men are allowed in at 11."

My friend and I left, slightly confused.

We were just turned away, and called men, by a _gay bar_...? Of all the places *I* expected to be discriminated against, this was certainly not one of them. But it happens, and all too frequently.

We expect that the gay community could accept what we're going through, but in reality, they don't. Indeed, we actually offend a lot of members of the gay community -- why would we want to become women? Why can't we just be gay? -- and they take it as an affront to them that we're "having a sex-change so we don't have to be gay."

Like being transsexual is easier than being gay! Give it a flipping break, guys!

Or, take the case of a friend of mine (who is a paper-carrying TS) who was refused access to the women's washroom in a local gay club, despite her "authorization", and then refused access to the bar entirely on a following evening because "her ID had a male name..." That one's currently going before a human rights board...

I'm not trying to say all gay establishments are like this -- indeed, I've had a friend of mine try to take me through the "male" entrance of another local gay bar, and been politely refused because women had to use the other entrance, (a shock for him and a nice surprise for me,) but those that are anti-trans certainly do reflect badly on the community. It's silly when I can expect to never have a problem using the women's facilities at a local mall, but may have a problem at a gay bar.

I am a part of what is termed the "GLBT" or "GayLesBiTrans" community -- so why is it I feel excluded by some parts of my own so-called community? Do they not understand the shunning and exclusion we feel from society...? So, why do they perpetuate this towards us?

Do they feel they need to be normal like the rest of society and be bigoted against some group... us? But, do they not remember that we've faced the same discrimination and loathing that they have in society...?

Or, do they now, after our support and help, want to disassociate us from them in order that they may more "easily" gain rights for themselves without having to include us "wierdos"...?

We've seen it with the ENDA -- is this the shape of things to come...?

Well, thanks a lot, folks, I hope you feel happy leaving us high-and-dry. Shows how much compassion you have when you happily outcast a group from your own "society" to make it easier to be amalgamated into the society that did, and still does, hate and loath you as much as us. Like it's really going to make that much of a difference.

But, at least it lets us know who our friends are.

I'm not trying to say that *all* of the gay community feels this way, but the upper echelons sure seem to. I can only hope that the part of the community which does accept, and welcome us, will speak up and not allow this blatant move for self-interest to destroy the ties between our two groups.

And, I know, there are those of us who are unhappy being associated with *them* in the transgendered community and aren't too upset to see them go, but aren't we stronger together than split -- or split against each other...?

I only hope that the silent majority doesn't stay silent for much longer -- or a relationship to our mutual benefit may become a divorce to our mutual destruction.




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