I am a 52 year old man and I think they are more like women than real women are today. I have seen some movies with boys who are half women and half men and I love them. Their bodies are so beautiful that I can't get enough of them.
Is it possible for a man like me to live with or perhaps marry such a boy-girl? I have had these feelings for about three years now. I think I would do anything just to live with one of this boy-girls. What can I do to get in touch with someone? We can correspond on Internet. After three years I don't want to wait anymore. Are many men like me? Be Gentle
Dear Be Gentle:
Let play a game for a moment. Let's say that I read your note on TG Forum and was a transsexual, transgendered or a cross dressing person who would dearly love to find an understanding man who would love to spend the rest of his life with me.
Here are my concerns:
2) What do you expect in the way of sex? If I'm TS, normal (no pun intended) sex would be possible, but what if I a am a TV, TS? Do you expect? Or would you be willing to cuddle?
3) Would you treat me like a lady?
4) Would you go out in public with me?
5) Do you have relatives? Would I be good enough OR you strong enough to introduce me to them as your wife ( or SO)?
6) Would you really promise to spend the rest of you life with me and adore me as I would you - assuming that we really developed that kind of relationship?
7) Are you financially secure or just looking with someone to move in with . . .and/or:
8) Are you or have you ever been in jail or prison? (sorry, it is not uncommon for us to be hit on by inmates, who feel that we will jump at anything!). End game!
I think, as a transgendered person, we have all had these fantasies. Oh, to be a woman, to live as a woman and to be loved as a woman . . . at least I have! We all really fear to act on them though, for a multitude of reasons. None the least of which is, "we don't want to be hurt!"
Are there many men like you? My observations see the answer to this as a threefold; there are not many men who come out of the closet to admit this desire to date boy-girls. Many who do are very sleazy and those who appear as class acts tend to want a sex act in the rear of their van parked outside and are off to greener pastures afterwards. Yet, I do know of a few exceptions. So, to answer your question as how do you get in touch with a boy-girl person, post a personal here on this forum. I, personally would like to know, and will publish, how you would address the proposed questions, above.
Lastly, can you marry a person like this? A transvestite or transgendered person, NO! Can you marry a transsexual? Most unlikely, unless the fact is concealed or a State in our fine nation becomes far more liberal on the subject. Can you live a lovely and fulfilling life with your special person? Absolutely!!! Rachael
ear Rachael:
I love to go to bed in a lacy teddy. is this ok? please can we talk? help,
Brigette..
Dear Brigette:
Such short questions! But they do not lack depth. Can we talk? Of course! For private chats, use Rachael274@aol.com, otherwise, use this forum. Before I answer your question let me give you some of my history as it relates to your question:
When I was a very young girl (really boy, grin), I got poison oak on my private parts. As you may suspect it was very itchy and was very arousing when I tried to relieve that itch. . . I had reached puberty. But unlike most boys, I found myself fantasizing about my feminine feelings which had long been in place. That is when I started wearing my mom's, discarded pantyhose to bed. GAWD, you talk about a fetish! I could not get enough of the feminine feeling and wanting to be a woman. Yea, I know. There are flaws in this logic. But then again, who says there has to be logic.
My point is, that your desire to wear a teddy to bed may be a fetish and that's okay- even if you masturbate your head off. It's your bedroom, so do as you please. Just maybe though, it is more than a fetish, such as it was for me, and you want to cross dress, become a transgenderist or go the route of transsexual surgery. Hon, all of this is okay in this day and age. Just don't throw it in other peoples faces, not that you would. Be gentle! Go slow, be cautious and talk to me some more. Rachael
ear Rachael:
It has been awhile since I last contacted you. I came out to my wife about this time last year. I started reading as much as I could about transgenderism. My wife and I went to see a marriage counselor. I was hoping counseling would get my wife to be more open about the subject. I couldn't get my wife to read much about cross dressing.
During the counseling, my wife was very negative, and she threatened me with divorce and with not allowing me to see the kids if I continued to insist on cross dressing. After about 6 counseling sessions, we stopped going. The result has been that I am still very much in the closet. I continue to dress at every opportunity, and I know my wife knows. She seems to have taken a 'if you don't do it around me or the kids, I'll tolerate the cross dressing' attitude.
I think the avoidance of the subject of cross dressing is causing all passion and affection to be drained from our relationship. We still do a lot of other things together. I fear bringing the subject up to talk for fear of the negative reaction I get from her when I do. At the same time, I feel like I would like to join the local Sacramento. Gender Association and meet other cross dressers. I am lonely, and I do not have anyone to talk to regarding my cross dressing feelings. I don't think my wife would agree willingly for me to become active with this group.
I'm struggling with myself lately about how to become more open about my cross dressing with my wife. She notices some of the signs of what I am feeling (such as trimming eyebrows, letting my nails grow longer, looking though her catalogs and magazines), but I can't bring myself to talk about them. She gets so turned off by the whole subject, and it is very painful to discuss my femme feelings when she does not appear to be open about the matter.
I am thinking about going to see a counselor again, but I have tried that twice before, and it has helped me to begin coming to terms with my cross dressing, but I fear that I am the only one changing, and those changes are not along the lines my wife would like.
Do you have any advice to give me? Should I just start talking about my femme feelings and 'to hell with the consequences'? Do you know of any good counselors in the Sacramento area? Well, thanks for listening,
Michelle.
ear Michelle:
It's so good to hear from you again. I wish life were easier and happier for you, but hang in there, it will get better- maybe worse first, but better in the end. Be patient with your wife even as she vehemently shuns your cross dressing. Time may cure her lack of acceptance . . . more likely if she does it at her speed.
What about you, though. Yes hon, you need to talk to peers about all those feminine feelings. So join the Sacramento group (SGA) and get there as fast as those high heels will allow. You will meet some wonderful ladies and you will undoubtedly meet a "soul sister," you know, the one that you can share laughs, tears and hugs with. It's too bad that person cannot be your wife right now, but that's okay.
By all means, resume seeing a counselor; it will do you a world of good. I do not know of any counselors in the Sacramento area, but I am sure that your new found friends at SGA can give you some fine references,
Perhaps the hardest thing for you to do is what I am about to suggest. Find a way to get Michelle out of the closet. Make time for her. You can rent a room, go to SGA, take a drive, walk in the breeze and feel those sensations, dress at home when you wife is out working (shopping). It is far better if you do not lie to her about your intentions. However, I believe it is better to not share your ventures in the world as your feminine self if that is the only way you can do it. Hopefully, she will(would) tolerate, "what she doesn't see," even though she knows what you are doing.
Best of luck. Rachael
ear Rachael
I guess I should just start at the beginning. I am a 26 year old TS (I think) from Canada. I have been a transgendered person for many years. I don't know the exact time I realized but it was early. When I was younger, about 16 I thought I had decided what I wanted. I had planned my entire life up to the point that I would become a women at 18 or 19.. My life was set or so I thought. Than a funny thing happened I met my future wife. That put a stop to all thought of S.R.S. until a few years ago. That is when the desire to become a woman came back. The desire to be female has almost totally consumed my every waking thought. The problem is with my S.O. I told her I was a c/d before we married and she was okay, just not real supportive. the question is how do I tell her what I want? How do you just up and shatter the world of the most important person in the world to me? I don't know if she even suspects anything. But I do not know. I have done a few things to drop hints, I grew my hair out and permed it and had my both my ears pierced twice Sort of androgynous looking. But I don't know if she suspects. If she does she does not let on. I love her so much I just hate being a male. I do not want to wait until am older and miss out on some of the best times of my life as female. Hurting her is what hurts the most. I wish I knew what the future held for me. I guess no one does.
I hope I did not ramble on to much and this makes sense. Thanks for being there
Melissa
Dear Melissa:
In short, get thyself to a gender counselor. Are you crazy? No, not at all. But there are a few things that you have to work out. Are you TV, TG or TS? I don't know, nor do you for sure; this is the hard question that a psychiatrist can help you with.
If your are a TV or TG it is possible that you and your wife can live out your lives together happily married. Notice, I say possible. It will take "give, take and a whole bunch of understanding" on both of your parts if it is going to work at all. That she knew of your proclivity before you were married bodes well for success.
If you are TS? Well hon, your wife did not bargain for a full time woman to be her husband. Unless she has lesbian tendencies, or she is a very rare and special woman who is willing to give up male-female sex, your relationship is in trouble. Just the social issues that she will have to face . . . telling relatives, neighbors, friends, maintaining self esteem, could be cataclysmic for her and, of course, your marriage.
But here is the ringer. . . if you really are TS, you really have little choice other than to move down that road. You will not be able to "hide" it from her. To do anything else will destroy you and your marriage eventually. I don't believe that one can survive for long being other than who that person is in fact.
So deal with the big questions first, develop a support group. If you head down that road towards TS surgery, you will need all the emotional support that you can muster. There will be hurt in your life, but there is no other way, should it come to that. And in the end you will be happier! Rachael