It certainly is no surprise to those of us in the gender community to find relationships breaking up around us. Crossdressing certainly brings considerations and attentions to marriage which can be burdensome and onerous. No one is suggesting that anyone remain in a marriage that has become oppressive. But one can only hope that both parties have attempted to work things out to the best of their abilities before making the decision to separate.
In the gender community, divorces have been noted for a variety of reasons. In some situations, the couple did come to an agreement regarding the crossdressing, but could not resolve the issue of transsexuality. In other situations, the wife could not accept the crossdressing and for that reason decided she could not remain in the marriage.
But more often relationships break up due to many factors, crossdressing not even being the main issue. There really should be no blame attached to anyone in these situations that do not work out as long as each one in the relationship attempts to consider the other's feelings.
What should not happen is the negative way in which some partners treat each other after the marriage breaks up. We should not be reading about loving wives being deserted suddenly by their husbands, who decide the transsexual lifestyle does not include their family. We should not be listening to gender folk belittling and ridiculing their former loved ones at conferences and meetings. In some cases, both partners remain members of the gender community and are even present at the same events.
We know how important it is for the gender community to show unity and integrity to society. That is why there has been such an attempt recently of both "open" and "focused" groups to come together. This spirit of togetherness has to extend to our treatment of each other as well.
No matter how difficult a relationship may have become, there was love in the beginning of that relationship. Let those individuals try to remember the love and forget the hate no matter how difficult that may be. The success of the gender movement is going to depend on individuals showing love and consideration for each other, regardless of their present relationship, not by perpetuating the hostility and negativity which ended the relationship.
(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)