By Hannah Reinstein
Here are some of their responses(See Part 1 to catch up)
--------- From: Cary E. Reinstein Sent: Monday, 23 October, 1995 14:30 PM To: SOC Parents of Teenagers; DAC Single Parents Subject: Followup ("Men Cry") Over 40 people took the time to write me notes today after they read my email about my children and my life-altering decisions. I'm trying to answer everyone individually but there are still more than 30 left to go! When I woke up this morning I didn't know that I'd write a letter to these Aliases. What a road I've turned on to and what a great trip it will be! You are all the most wonderful, supportive, and life-affirming people that I've ever known. Recently I discovered that I could free myself from fear and self-doubt. I took tremendous pride in the way that my kids are turning out. Now I want to say that I'm glad from the depths of my soul to be working with you all. I'll respond and thank every single one of you by tomorrow morning. Remember what James Burke said at the company meeting about being "out of the box"? I guess I am that now! It feels even better because I've experienced the kind and compassionate support that you all extended to me. It gives me strength and joy. I was very moved by the beautiful phone call from L.B. this morning (you know who you are). Hugs to all who wrote, called and came to see me. Thank you, Cary ======================== "And she said, 'I've swallowed a secret burning thread, It cuts me inside, and often I've bled.'" - Suzanne Vega ======================== "Wheres the KABOOM? There was supposed to be an earth shattering KABOOM!" Marvin the Martian ---------- From: Cary E. Reinstein Sent: Monday, 23 October, 1995 17:51 PM To: SOC Parents of Teenagers; DAC MS Single Parents Subject: Men Cry: Compilation of responses Below are most of the responses that I've received so far. I removed anything that was personal and most names to respect privacy. You are the best people in the world! Thank you for being there and being so compassionate and sweet. The compliments in some of the notes are embarrassing! They're huge exaggerations (I love 'em anyway). I guess you never know what impact you have on the folks around you until you reach the sort of crossroads that I have. Thank you all. It's an honor to work with you. I love and respect every single one of you. Cary ===================================== Congratulations - I'm applauding your honesty and decision to move on with your life. You're truly amazing !! Don't forget your son's attitude and understanding are a credit to you. As a new single mother of a- you give me inspiration ... Good luck and God's speed on your future path. ! ********* thank you for sharing your story. i wish you luck and strength.... ********* Hi Cary. You are very courageous to have sent this out. I hope the response you get is positive. I wish you lots of luck in the future. ********* You mentioned in your story about losing some friends over this. Let me tell you that I have learned you can't lose what you don't own. A friend isn't something that you "have" it is something that you "do". (Friendship is the act of giving love) The people who "don't get it", are people who don't understand that loving you is accepting you exactly the way you are. God doesn't make mistakes. You ARE exactly the way He intends for you to be at any given moment it time. I admire your courage SO much!!! ********* Good luck in your journey. This also shows your parenting skills, our kids do listen to us and learn when we aren't looking ********* Your honestly and clarity is much respected. You are an example of a model parent. Good luck to you! ********* Thanks for the beautiful account. You are a very wealthy person to have two sons! It is the best kind of wealth. A friend of mine took the same course that you are considering. She seems quite happy. ********* You are one of the bravest people that I know. Not to mention one of the most eloquent. When you mentioned than Ben accepted you, and hugged you, I almost cried! Those are one of the moments that parents live for Cary. You should be very proud of your son. It is even a greater testimony that you could raise two boys so well through such incredible adversity. You are a model parent. So, with all that in mind, I know that you succeed will do well in whatever you truly want. Many of us will be here to help and support you in all of your endeavor. Your Friend, ********* My heart goes out with happiness for you. When I first arrived at as the receptionist in building 1, you not only welcomed me, but whenever I would see you, you would make me feel "special" by saying hello to Loretta and not just a no named entity. You always have a way to make everyone that I know that knows you, feel special. Isn't time for you to take care of Cary? Love yourself and we will all love you for it. Stay strong!!! ********* That's the most beautiful mail I have ever read, and it's from someone I know (if only slightly). You are the third transsexual I have known in my life. The first two were men as I knew them. The first (when I was much younger) was very unhappy, and I did not understand the condition at all, but I liked her very much and supported her. The second I knew ten years ago. I worked with her, but I didn't know her well enough to know about her condition. I was quite surprised last year to see her name listed as Michelle rather than Michael in the Yearbook credits. And then I understood a lot more about her. She was fully supported by the company, but I heard from someone there that there were a lot of raised eyebrows. What you are about to do is very courageous: you are about to be true to yourself. I wish you all the best. ********* Hi Cary. I just wanted to say that I admire your courageousness . I know how difficult this is for someone. I went through something very similar to what you are going through, however, I weighed my options and decided to take the easier way out and remain the way I am. I am very happy for you that you are able to take the steps to do what you know is right for you, and I am also very happy that your son has been so understanding, loving, and accepting to you. I know that you will undergo a lot of emotional stress and negativeness from people in the world, but you have to keep your chin up and remember, you are doing what is right for you. There's a certain way I've come to feel about life, and I believe that it crosses across all religions of the world in one way or another: The law of physics teaches us that nothing is created or destroyed, is simply changes form. Change is good. :) There are two forces in the universe, positive and negative energy. It is up to us to choose which energy we choose to surround ourselves with and fill ourselves with, and we are responsible for our decisions. Even if your son had not accepted you, it would be painful, but I still believe you have to do what is right for you. I would like to keep in contact with you to see how you are coming along, and also to be there to provide support. ********* That was an incredibly brave thing for you to post this to our MS community. There are large numbers of very intolerant people in this world. I am happy to say they are not among the people that I choose to associate with. Bravo, to you for taking a stand for yourself and your happiness. It must have been a wonderfully enriching moment to have your son accept you and support your decision. You can credit at least a portion of his ability to be open, to the way you raised him. ********* Thank your for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me/us today. You may very well be going through the most difficult and wonderful time of your life. I hope the holidays offer hope, love and peace for you and your family. ********* your mail made me cry. although i don't know you personally, i wanted to respond to your message and offer you support. you have given me the opportunity to laugh on many occasions - something that everyone needs but something i rarely make time for. i always thought of you as being a happy-go-lucky, funny, free-spirited person. it sounds like you may have been hiding behind that front so that others weren't aware of your sadness. i don't know that for sure but i am glad that you have found the strength to make the turn towards finding happiness for yourself. you deserve it. i support you in this and i will pray for you. please take care of yourself. what would your children do without you? if you ever need a sounding board, please feel free. cheers to you and the new path you have taken. may you find a well of happiness very soon and the courage and strength you need to get you there. ********* wow! I am totally awed at your courage and bravery. And my heartiest, most sincere, congratulations and best wishes on the new road you have taken. I am honored to know you. ********* What an enormous transition you've been through -- and will continue to go through as time passes. I'm glad your sons who obviously mean so much to you are there for you. My heart and support go out to you too. warm best wishes, ********* just have one thought for you and that is that you are a great person. It takes courage to do what you have done and I think you admirable. I just wish you a lot of courage and a lot of strength. God bless you the way you are or the way you wanna be. ********* That is one very brave thing to do. I sincerely hope you will get emotional support from your family. You have one great son who is understanding. The other one may be just as understanding as well. It is your life, you have to what is right for you. I am not sure if you want to hear this from a stranger, but I wish you the best luck of all. ********* You have often taken the time to help and support people on this alias. I have often appreciated what you have shared. Good luck Cary. After all you have done, even putting yourself on the back burner so your EX could follow her own path, you deserve to find happiness. Your friend as well. ********* I am so happy for you that your son was so understanding. Obviously you have raised him to be a thoughtful, caring individual, and I'm sure you are very proud of him. As it happens, I have a very dear friend who is gender-dysphoric. He and his girlfriend are about to get involved with a support group at the Ingersoll Centre. ... If it's okay with you, could I forward your email name to him so that he could contact you with more info about Ingersoll? You are very brave to be able to tell your friends at work and your family. I hope you receive supportive responses, and that you find the support network you need. All the best, ********* Hugs. Good luck on your path. May these changes bring you the chance to find happiness and inner peace. ********* You are certainly brave... Congratulations on being able to breathe again. It's the secrets that kill us. A question...you list three possible outcomes: 1 hormone therapy and surgical remedies 2 a miserable dysfunctional life 3 suicide, the most common outcome. May I suggest that there are probably others? I mean, the truth is.even if you change your body and attach and remove the things that "make us gender specific", the truth is as you said it..."I know who I am." What does it matter what happens to the externals of your body? Why does one have to go through hoops and under knives to feel like they "fit." Could it be that we all have to show the same braveness you've shown every single day...whether we know our bodies, our hearts, our souls are not what everyone wants them to be...and own up to who we are, as we are. Anyway Cary...I'm glad you are taking this big step for yourself. It must have been hellish for you. Why oh why do we all assume that everyone is supposed to be like, and love like, everyone else? (sigh) And, clearly, you're a great dad...( I won't say mom and dad...because I believe that that is less important....you're a giving parent. ********* We're strangers, but I wanted to celebrate your courage and send my blessings on your transformation. You've obviously raised fine human beings; they're safely on their way, and support you in taking yours. That's how it ought to be, and all too seldom is. I wish you ease and joy. ********* You really touch people around you. You are truly unique and wonderful. I am sitting in my office all misty eyed. Thanks for being you. ********* Congratulations on raising such a great kid! It is so rewarding to know that the unconditional love that we pour out is retained and returned when we most need it. I will be putting in my 2 cents worth of prayers for you over Thanksgiving. Kind of an appropriate weekend. Try not to play it over in your head to often. I know I have a hard time when I have that much time to mull my every word over and over. You sound like you are handling everything remarkable well. Just remember that our bodies are only a resting place for our soul. Good luck to you on a path the you will now tread regardless of the unknown. The unknown has always been the scariest thing to me. Now a personal note. I personally feel that the world is made up of all types of people. If God had not meant for there to be straight people, gay people, celibate people, transsexuals, cross dressers etc. then why are we ALL here? There are many of us in this world that truly feel a person's sexual choices are their own to make and are really not ours to judge, discuss or decide. I hope you find that the people you have surrounded yourself with are of this same belief. There are many decisions we make, usually we don't have to discuss them unless we choose to. With something like this, you have to confront everyone with your choice and wait for them to decide how they will deal with it. I hope that your friends will not disappoint you, although some probably will. I wish you the best with everything and hope you will soon find the happiness you deserve. You truly are a brave person and deserve to be happy with yourself. Your selflessness is incredible. You have put your children first and even your ex-wife. Now it is time to give yourself as much love as you have given them. Good Luck. God Bless! People discuss and make fun of that which they do not understand. Forgive them because they are truly missing out on what makes the world go round. ********* Your son is a perfect reflection of the wonderful parenting you have done. Now it is God's time for you to take perfect care of yourself. God Bless You. Love ********* People are sexual. It is a free world. Everyone should be free to pursue the path that is best for them (as long as isn't an aggressive act against other people or the world around them). ********* Congratulations Cary, you are strong and will succeed. This Thanksgiving you can be truly thankful. ******** This takes a great deal of courage, Cary. My heart goes out to you, and I hope everything works out for the best. I'm sure you have the spirit and the strength to make your life into whatever you want it to be ********* I was very moved by your mail this morning. I think it's really courageous of you. Coming out has been hard for me, and I imagine that a decision like yours must be even harder. Best wishes on your journey! ********* Welcome to your new life. Glad to have you with us. ********* hey cary- a warm welcome to gleam!!! i hope you enjoy our alias, gain from it's supportive and nurturing family, and feel comfortable knowing that there are many of us here who accept you. ********* know that my mother has a co-worker at who was in your situation. From what I heard, this person was very open and honest about the changes she was going to bring into her life. Everything worked out very well for this person. ********* Hi Cary, I must say I've been thinking about you all afternoon! My heart goes out to you – the decision you made to tell your son was unbelievably tough (I have a 16 year old daughter, so I can understand the age pretty well too). I am proud of your son for being such a strong support to you. I honestly believe these kids are far more open and receptive to people being who they really are than any other generation that has come before them. For that, I am also grateful. It allows adults to finally be who they were meant to be. The best to you. I'm really happy that you have received such positive support. You deserve that. And most of all….you deserve to be free to be who you are. If you ever need a friend, just remember I'm here with the rest of us single parent-types—and we're all cheering you on!