By Angela Gardner

Hola, muchachas. It's a new month... so here's a new column. How do I do it? Mirrors!

I don't know about you but I'm thrilled that Spring is in the air. I'm totally over the Winter wonderland thing and am looking forward to floral dresses and sandals. I'm not particularly looking forward to what the fashion forecasters say we should be wearing, lime green, lemon yellow. Thanks goodness they left out orange orange. (Silly rabbit.)

The hot Spring fashion colors make me look like an old hag. Hey, wait a minute, I am an old... nah, I'm not gonna say it. I mean, what are you to do if you're a "Winter" in the color scheme of things? Pastel greens and blues look fine on fifteen year old girls with blonde hair. It's another story on a middle-aged woman with red hair. (Or dark brown--only my wig shop knows for sure.) So, I intend to wear what I like, and what I think makes me look good. If the pastels work for you, go for it. If not--get out that little black dress.

And speaking of dresses...

Floral Print or Metallic Mini?

On February 23 Tom Snyder had Robert Blake as a guest on The Late Late Show. Of course Blake has been an actor for years, in everything from the Little Rascals to Barreta, but he confessed to Tom that he was a little uncomfortable in the talk show millieu. Tom, being the gracious host, asked if there was anything he could do to make Blake more comfortable. Blake paused for a second and then asked, "Can I wear a dress?" Tom got a slightly surprised look on his face and quickly asked, "What size?" Do you suppose Robert Blake was one of the actors who tried out for To Wong Foo... and The Birdcage? I guess we'll never know.

Even Cow Girls Get the Blues

It seems the ladies of Cowboys LaCage may have something to be blue about. Marisa Richman of the fabulous Tennessee Vals sent some information from a Nashville newspaper that may cause the girls to pack their pickup trucks and ride off into the sunset. The investors who backed the country's first drag C&W club owe nine creditors a total of $588,000. (Gee, sounds like my financial planning.) In order to stop those annoying calls from angry creditors they have filed for a Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Most of the investment cash was spent on renovating the club building, advertising the opening, and relocating the performers. (None of the LaCage girls are from Nashville.) The club is supposed to reopen in the Spring after it gets reorganized and the ladies get off the road, so hopefully they won't have to get jobs as waitresses in local truckstops. "Hey Merle, that there waitress looks just like Dolly Parton."

The Birds of a Feather

The remake of La Cage aux Folles has landed at a theater near you and it's done boffo box office. The Birdcage pulled in over eighteen million dollars in it's first week and is still one of the top money earners.Who says the United States is all turning into Pat Buchanan country? If they'll spend money like that on a gay drag movie perhaps there's hope for tolerance.

The main drag queen role is played by Nathan Lane. He was one of those actors who has been around for years but you never knew who he was. After The Birdcage he'll no doubt get recognized more often at Spago.

In a recent issue of Premier magazine Lane was asked where he got the idea for his character. "Well, they gave me these big pearls to wear, and it just became the image everyone used . . . yes, I found the Barbara Bush inside me. My inner Bush." The interviewer then asked Lane and Robin Williams if they had ever dressed up as kids. Williams replied, "Just my mom's teddies . . . they were great to wear under hockey clothes." I think we can take that as a joke... but, you never know. Silk ones are ok under hockey gear. Polyester tends to hold too many odors.

Lane fessed up to wearing an evening gown once, on Halloween. He turned it into a joke by saying he wanted to go trick or treating as Casper the Friendly Ghost but they were so poor he had to wear Mom's clothes. Guess that made him Nathan the Dowdy Queen. Wonder how he did on candy?

Got Them Old Crossdressin' Blues

On Stage Philadelphia faxed me a press release the other day. On Sunday, May 5th at 1:30PM they'll be hosting an outdoor concert in the street outside the Philadelphia Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Community Center. If you're going to be in the area it might be worth checking out. Along with several gay and lesbian acts from Philadelphia and New York, local Blues lady Terri Arnaldi--The Drag Queen of the Blues, will be rockin' out. Terri rocked the 1994 Renaissance Greater Philadephia Chapter Holiday Party with an impromptu set, and she played the gosh darn heck out of that geet-tar. Terri will have her own band for this gig so her set should be, as they say in the Blues parlance, smokin'. For more info on the concert call Outmusic at 215-844-6910.

Attention Starving TG Artists!

The Gender Identity Center of Colorado is looking for writers, poets and humorists whose subject is the transgender community. They're also looking for art work. If you are a creative, transgendered artiste whose work is hidden away from a possibly admiring public write for their guidlines: G. I. C. of Colorado, Inc., Att: Book, 1455 Ammons St., Ste 100, Lakewood, CO 80215. They are going to assemble everything into a book "from the heart and soul of our community." I'd submit something but fortunately I already have a creative outlet, or two.

Pass The Mink Oil

Now here's a contest I can get behind. The kind of contest that has you sign a consent form before you show up in your leather G string. It's the International Ms. Leather 1996 contest and it happens right here in my backyard at that cradle of liberty, the Holiday Inn, Independence Mall in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Not really on Independence Mall but close enough. Imagine strolling over to see the Liberty Bell in your thigh high boots.) They're holding the contest in from the 18th to 20th of July and I hope the hotel has good central air. Those tight leather duds (not to mention those cute full head hoods) can cause wearers to perspire freely and sometimes the resultant odors can be less than thrilling. For information on the contest, both for watching and entering, contact Bare Images Productions, 4332 Browne Street, Omaha, Nebraska 68111-1829. Email . Now, I wonder where I put that leather harness?

Heaven's Not Just A Drag, It's A Laugh

Heaven's A Drag is not your typical drag comedy. It's a British film that's just hit video stores in the US. It's also one of the only films I've ever heard described as a "quirky AIDS comedy." Not much funny there, you'd think, but when you add a drag queen ghost (Oh! Mrs Muir!) to the plot and have her plague her former lover with dirty tricks when he doesn't seem to spend much time on grief over her death--he goes right back to a promiscouis life of sexual conquests--then you've got a few big yucks on your hands. And, since the film's British you get to hear all those great British accents. The Village Voice said the film blends, "light supernatural comedy and old fashioned tear jerking." I'm a sap for a film like that. I always loved the Topper movies. Heaven's A Drag is available for $59.95 from First Run Features at 212-243-0600. Hope you love it, love.

More Pics To Click

Somebody in my circle of non-crossdressing aquaintances has a real great sense of humor. They thought it would just be a real scream to put me on some gay mailing lists. Yeah, he wears a dress, he must be gay. Duh. I say "aquaintances" since my real friends know I'm a lesbian. (Well, when I'm crossdressed.)

For several months now I have been getting stuff from gay dating services, offers for calenders decorated by hot hunks, and catalogs from gay oriented businesses. Most of this is just waste paper to me since male bodies don't turn me on. (Male wallets, now that's another story.)

I had used one of my male credit cards at a gay restuarant once or twice and at first thought that was how I got on the list. Then I realized my name was not spelled correctly, as it would have been if it came from credit card records, and my street name was spelled wrong. Ah ha! I deduce the culprit is not only easily amused, but uneducated as well. The joke's of them. Part of the stuff I've received is the Gay & Lesbian Film Catalog from TLA Video. While the majority of the films they sell are aimed at a gay crowd, there are several titles of interest to me and other transgendered folks. There are around twenty titles that would make a drag queens heart go pitter pat. Among them, the earlier mentioned Heaven's A Drag, plus La Cage aux Folles (I & II), Some Like It Hot, Vegas in Space, Wigstock and To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar. (Bet you thought I didn't remember the whole title.) There's also a little flick called Time Expired that came out in 1992 in which John "Chi Chi" Leguizamo plays a Puerto Rican transvestite. Is that type casting, or what?

You can call TLA Video for your copy of the catalog at 800-333-8521 or email them . Let's hope they don't sell the list and fill your male box, I mean mailbox, with steamy, erotic, well oiled male bodies. Their sultry, seductive eyes looking at you from the hot pages as they.... Oh, sorry. Got a bit carried away there. Nevermind. Let's just move along.

On A Serious Note

Leslie Fienberg, the author if Stone Butch Blues and the forthcoming book, Transgender Warriors, has been seriously ill. Bacterial infections and medical bills have been causing Leslie many problems. Writers don't have great medical plans and Leslie doesn't have any. If you'd like to help out, send a check made out to the Column Foundation to Leslie Feinberg Health Fund, c/o William Sachs, Esq.,Column Foundation, 370 7th Avenue, New York, NY 10001.

Get well soon, Leslie.

On A Less Serious Note

My pal Diane Franklin snagged this joke gem during a surfing session on the World Wide Web. She credits it to an F to M named Julian. How many people does it take to change a transsexual lightbulb? Well, first the lightbulb has to find a therapist, tell the therapist it realizes it's incandescent but has always felt fluorescent inside. Then, it has to find an electrician to rewire it so it can be more fluorescent. And even then occasionally there will be people who still 'read' it (or read by it) as incandescent, or remember it from its incandescent days. Overall though, once it's changed it will have a much nicer glow about it!

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