I went along and adorned everything. I remember the feeling of just shooting down a hill on a roller coaster as I was getting dressed. It was not only fun, it produced a feeling that I had never experienced before. I remember being afraid that her parents might come down to the basement and catch me, but, was so involved with what I was feeling at the time, I didn't care. It was disheartening to have to put on boys clothing again and go home. I wanted it to last forever.
As I grew up, I maintained the memory and frequently wanted to wear my younger sisters clothing. I was a small framed lad and some of what she had would come close to a perfect fit. Our basement was my private sanctuary. So much so, that I volunteered to make a bed room there when our family grew to five children in a 3-bedroom house.
Down the clothes chute would come my mothers and sister's things to be laundered. Right into my domain. I had a stash of things that my sister no longer wore, well hidden and frequently dressed and admired myself in the mirror of an old wardrobe kept in the basement.
As I grew into puberty, I had girlfriends. In high school, my senior year girlfriend liked to keep her roller skating outfit in the trunk of my old car so that we could go skating anytime that we wanted. What she didn't know was that I probably wore it more than she did. Often I felt guilty about this behavior. I always felt that it was something that I would outgrow some day. I joined the navy at 17 and entered active duty upon graduation from high school. This, I told myself, was the end of this childish behavior. I was now a MAN. Well I even figured out a way to crossdress on a ship at sea without being caught. Think about that one.
After leaving the navy, I met a girl and we got married. I thought, well this is the end of that behavior. I'll just never tell anyone what I did and it will go away. Fat chance. My wife had all of these fancy lace, see through nighties, an endless supply of underwear and bras and some clothes that actually fit ME. She put on weight after childbirth and her new wardrobe fit me just fine. Still, no one knew except me.
When our 3rd son died of SIDS, I knew God was punishing me for my behavior. With repentant hat in hand, I tried to tell her about me. She freaked out. After years of trying to keep things together, I finally got tired of being beat to death with the same club and we divorced.
I met another woman at work that fell madly in love with me and after a couple of years, we were married. I thought about telling her, but, with the experience of the first wife firmly in mind, I decided that I could give up the crossdressing and live a normal life. WRONG! One day she came home from work early and I got busted coming back from an outing. Here came the therapy. When she said she now understood and became quasi-supportive of me in this part of my life, I started openly meeting with other crossdressers and going out several times a month enfemme. Five years later, without warning, she hit me with a divorce. She now says that we can get back together, however, the crossdressing in all forms must go. She will not consider it any other way or make any exceptions. If I make it through this with my marriage intact, I will have an all new story to tell you. This remains an open book. I still have the strongest desire to crossdress, but, haven't for almost four months now. Either I will rewrite entire care and treatment book for transgendered people or I'm going to be very single and VERY crossdressed.
Hugs,
Samantha
Las Vegas, Nv