Pauline


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It was with elation that I recently discovered the first time feature on Transgender Forum. As everyone in the CD community knows, the feelings you had in childhood were to be kept secret because you somehow knew you were the only person on earth that felt this way.

My first memories go back to pre school, I would wrap my mother's raincoat around me whenever I had the opportunity, the subsequent pleasant feelings are still vivid in my mind some fifty years later. The raincoat I wrapped around me was made of soft rubber, very similar to the rubber pants I had to wear at night and the rubber sheet on my bed.

I would always watch the girls walking to school on rainy days and secretly pick out my favorite coats. I could hardly wait to start school and have my own raincoat, but I knew in my mind it had to be a girl's coat. I wondered how that could ever become reality as I was sure I would end up with a very plain black one the boys wore.

I remember like it was yesterday my mother giving my aunt some money to buy me a raincoat prior to starting school. All the children's coats were on the same rack. I selected a plaid cape with a rubber lining, it was definitely a girl's coat a I could hardly wait for the first rainy day to wear it. I was quite surprised that my mother thought my selection was a good one, but was worried that she would connect the coat to my desire to wear girls clothing.

From age six through age 14 I always had a girl's raincoat purchased for me to wear. During my teen years this open demonstration of my feme side came to a halt, as I was being teased and was called a sissy far too often. So during these teen years I somehow always managed to own a girls raincoat but would only wear these coats on secure occasions.

My next setback came during my first marriage. My wife would have no part of me being feminine in any way including my desire to wear ladies' raincoats. A rubber rain cape I bought through mail order which was like my earlier childhood coats was thrown in the garbage. I felt totally depressed as my first attempt to explain my feminine desires were completely thwarted.

After the divorce I reverted quickly to my feminine ways. I had several ladies raincoats to wear and branched out to wearing ladies lingerie under my clothes and lingerie to bed.

I remarried but this time I explained my femme self to my partner. She is very supportive and shares my raincoat collection, allows me my lingerie and generally supports me and my clothing purchases. At this time in my life I do not crossdress to pass, but tend to dress on the edge wearing bright clothes including silk blouses and slacks. I have purchased several items for my wardrobe that would cause suspicion, but I try to wear them with confidence including several bright colored raincoats.

I have a big blue designer rain cape that is full and long that I only wear on rainy days when I am in the city. I amaze myself, as to how confident I am when strutting down a city street with this cape swishing about in the wind and rain. And yes I do get stares from passersby but ignore them.

I am in a small town and have never fully crossdresed, but that is my goal, full wardrobe complete with wig and shoes. But for the present I never leave home without wearing frilly undergarments and my favorite raincoat over my arm.

I am fascinated with the memories from childhood and how strong the very early femme feelings were and my coping mechanisms for satisfying those desires. There are those that would probably say the raincoat was a fetish, fetish or not the early raincoats of my childhood got me to where I am today... A fairly contented crossdresser with a supportive partner.

Thank you for the forum to tell my story. Is there anyone with a similar story?

Pauline


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