Aging: A Woman's Journey Through Life

By Linda Kaye

I recently got a beautiful catalog in the mail called the "Red Rose Collection." Many of the items for sale deal with spirituality and encouragement of self- discovery. One particular plaque, entitled "The 10 Commandments For Being a Beautiful, Ageless Woman," gave me much to think about and I'd like to share it with you. Written by Ilene Cummings, it speaks to all womanhood:

1. Thou shalt dare to be fabulous!

2. Thou shalt know that comparing thyself to other women is like comparing a lotus to a rose.

3. Thou shalt seek out & find those role models of women who accept their aging as their ally.

4. Thou shalt know that an addiction to youth can only lead to disappointment. Detaching from it opens the pathway to self-acceptance.

5. Thou shalt know that opening to thy dreams is the way to discover what the Universe has in store for thee.

6. Thou shalt rise above society's youthful ideal and know that wrinkles & lines add softness & depth of character.

7. Thou shalt protect they beauty by allowing purpose & intimacy to be central in thy life.

8. Thou shalt know that looking great is wonderful but a rich inner life manifests outwardly as true grace & beauty.

9. Thou shalt rejoice in uniting with Nature, allowing her to season thee with wisdom, insight & understanding. She teaches thee to accept a design far grander than any of thy dreams.

10.Thou shalt keep going, going & going...with lightness of being. TRUST THE HEART THAT HAS LOVED YOU ALL YOUR LIFE.

Powerful words, and in my mind, all very true.

How many of you consider yourself "fabulous?" I know I never did, until one day, I realized that I had met someone who wanted me for myself, who didn't care about my weight or age, and who thought I was a beautiful woman. I discovered that I am fabulous, I am exciting, I am vibrantly alive, and I rejoice in this. So should you. Admit to yourself how terrific you really are! Why compare yourself to other women when you are already the best? Why would you want to be someone other than yourself? I know I don't.

We all age, and it is good to look at women who have learned that inner beauty is ageless. Look at women you admire whose hearts are young, despite their age in years. Barbara Bush is one woman I find a true role model - the intelligence and self-assurance and inner beauty radiate from her. The passage of years has only enhanced this woman, and I can only hope that I, too, will allow those gifts to reflect from within me as I age.

Our younger years are part of the molding of who we are to become, but they are often a painful stage to maturity. Physical aging can be traumatic to any woman, and it is more profound in some women than others. Yet, it is a prepared stage of your life, and one that is unavoidable. If we focus on who lives inside, rather than the outer image, we will find it easier to accept the fact that we no longer fit within society's framework of comparing youth with beauty. This is opportunity to diminish the falsity of comparing youth with beauty.

Society has also traditionally declared that intimacy and inner growth is limited only to the youthful; how untrue this is! There are many kinds of intimacy in our lives, but the intimacy you have with your partner can and should grow with enrichment and vibrancy. If the inner bond or connection is there between you and your partner, then how rich and joyful your life with him can be! If that intimacy is an important part of your relationship, then you can grow individually, yet together. Age has nothing to do with pursuing self-love and happiness in life, and by loving self and seeking happiness, we have purpose in our lives.

If we have self-love and acceptance, if we refuse to bow to society's declaration that beauty belongs to the young, that aging means loss of joy or purpose in life or that those who are old matter no more, then life can be relished and hopeful right to death.

For women in a relationship with a transgendered man, these words should be an especially powerful doctrine to live by. There's more than one lesson to be learned in these words. They encourage us, as women, to enjoy each stage of our lives, believing in our inner selves, and accepting ourselves and the stages of our lives. However, for those of us in a transgendered relationship, this freedom of self can lead to opening the doors of knowledge about our partner's transgendered side. Knowledge gives us the right of choice, as well as opening our minds to the differences in our partner. If we are happy in our personal journey, then this knowledge can give us insight into the personal journey of our partner, awareness of his fears and pain. This is a form of communication, which is vital in the development and growth of intimacy with our partner. In our own self-acceptance, we must allow our personal journey to meld with his journey, ever seeking deeper intimacy within the relationship, and within self.


Linda Kaye is married to Vanessa Kaye, who also writes for Transgender Forum. They have their own web site you may enjoy.

Linda and Vanessa have completed their first book together, entitled:
"Life With Vanessa"
Straight talk about integrating transgenderism into
a loving, caring and positive relationship.





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