Reacting to Blanchard

The Men Who Love Us:
Five Voices

By Cindy Martin


The men who are attracted to transgenders are no easier to classify than the Male-to-Female transgenders that they find so appealing. They are witty and dull, Gentle and aggressive, rock solid dependable and damnably flaky. Just like the TGs they desire.

These gentlemen have been bashed a great deal in this community, often unfairly. As you will read below in the comments of five of these men, all of whom were invited to write about their experiences and views, it is plain that they have been given an inordinantly hard time. That needs to end.

I am not saying that you should go out with a guy if you aren't attracted to men, that would be silly.

What I do insist upon is that we all understand that these men are as much a part of our community as anyone else. They have a right to be treated fairly and with respect. They have to play by the rules too and understand that "no" means just that. They also need to realize that some of the stereotypes that TGs have of them are based in truth: some men are obnoxious boors and pests.

On the other hand, those of us who are MTF we need to understand that we aren't 14-year-old teasers. If we wear flashy, tight, short clothes we WILL draw male attention and if we don't want that, then we shouldn't appear in public looking like a human green light.

What often puzzles people is the vociferous insistence by so many of these men that they are heterosexual. Yet when one listens to their voices it is clear that this is what they firmly believe. They aren't lying or engaging in some kind of wishful thinking. Read the remarks below. A transgender lady is not an illusion to these men, she IS a lady, a special one for sure, but a lady no less. Their claim of heterosexuality is in many ways is a compliment to the community.

The sexual aspects of this subjects cannot be ignored, because it is clear that sexual attraction is part of this phenomenon. But, as one who deals with mail from many men inquiring about TGForum it is also obvious that sex is by no means the only thing driving this interest. It is much more complicated.

In some ways the academic research into this very interesting phenomenon is as bad now as transgender research was 20 years ago. Even though the male attraction to transgenders have been long noted on every continent and in every culture, little significant research has been done.

There have been some attempts at examining this group, the most notable of these was the recent study by Dr. Ray Blanchard, PhD, Professor at the Department of Sexology at the Toronto, Canada Clarke Institute of Psychiatry. Subscribers can access a Review of the Blanchard Study as well as an article containing an Interview with him. One of the most discouraging comments in the Blanchard interview is a remark in which he describes the "offended, even contemptuous" attitude about these men that came from members of a transgender organization with whom he shared his work.

"I find it a bit disturbing that a minority group would be so closed minded when they are seeking open mindedness from others. I was looking for a reaction to the study and got a totally unexpected answer," he said.

The commentaries below come from a fairly representative group of men here at TGF. Two have personal ads , another is a major contributor to this publication while the others are people who sent me e-mail with questions about the publication.

T. Cain

T. Cain is the cartoonist who draws the hilarious Wanda cartoon you see every first Monday in TGF. He is well-known visitor to our chat rooms and extremely witty man. You asked for my thoughts on how I've been accepted by the TG community, and that's like asking how I've been accepted by any group of women. Well, some have, some haven't. On the whole, I've felt very welcome and been most accepted by almost everyone I've met. There are a few, however, who think all men should have their penises removed. One explained it to me this way, "All men are jerks. I know, I used to be one." I understand her feelings. If I had been mistreated my whole life by women, I wouldn't want to be around them either.

The TG ladies I'm more confused by, though, are the ones who think anyone who is attracted to a TG is less than a "real man". It's almost like Groucho Marx's famous line "I wouldn't want to join any club that would have me as a member." Some TGs wouldn't want any man who could possibly be attracted to someone like them. They don't understand me, and I don't understand them.

The one thing I have noticed is that I'm attracted by the same qualities in a TG that attract me to any woman- femininity, intelligence, a sense of humor, and, of course, stunning good looks.

Sean



Is 31, lives in British Columbia, Canada and have a personal ad here

Why I'm attracted to tg women, in a million words or less. Hopefully less.

I guess I'd have to start by looking back to half my life ago. Sixteen, small town, eastern seaboard of Canada. Not much tg activity, at least not visible to a young man in high school. But I did happen across someone's older brothers girlie mags, from the big city no-less, and there was a sequence with a pretty tg model.

Right then and there I felt a rush of desire and attraction for this lady and the femininity, style and sexiness she exuded. I looked at all the genetic ladies and concluded that this woman, as I saw her then, is a lady I would love to discover. She had an "edge" on every woman I'd seen in magazines, and she excited me more than any of the girls I'd dated and shared (young) intimacy with.

And so began my search for me, not her, but me. What am I, gay? No way, or am I? never! Why do ladies like this dominate my dreams? Hmm? I've always been able to meet nice, attractive girls, and I enjoyed a healthy sexually active adolescence. Guys did, and still do nothing for me, sexually, so I new that I wasn't a traditional gay. Wrap your brain around that one, at sixteen.

Life moved on, and I went overseas to where the opportunity for a curious guy to discover the space between the sexes became available. And discover I did. The sex trade was never my scene, so I quietly searched out the places that the gay and tg friendly crowds frequent. This is where I met the most together, loving, honest lady I've ever met. Lucky me! She helped me answer my questions, and encouraged me to explore myself. We had an amazing relationship and I was able to take this petite, pretty pre-op transexual as my girlfriend, lover, and confidante. I haven't met a more well adjusted, together lady to this date. Tg or genetic woman. What did she get in return? Honesty, love, acceptance, respect and a nice guy to share the road of life with, at least until she moved away to take a teaching position. :(

Okay I'll answer the question! Why? I feel more in tune with (healthy) tg's mentally and physically. Is it just a kinky sex turn on? No, not at all! The sex can and has been the best I've experienced, but at the end of the day when you've got to live and get along with the your partner, and do all those things that "normal" couples do, I want to be with a tg woman.

I feel that transexuals know more about men and women than most men or women do. That's what I've found. Tg's can be more understanding, level headed, and in tune with what's right/wrong or acceptable than genetic women. "Maybe it's all that therapy" is what a tg friend says! She's the sweetheart who stuck "The Road Less Traveled" and "Men are from..." in my hand and said "read 'em!"

One problem that seems to plague many ts's is the sex and drug trade. I feel that the prostitution stems from many things such as abuse, non-acceptance by the straight majority... Of course the manipulative men leading the girls astray, and the many men wanting that exotic "lady" but who are too homophobic to openly admit it, perpetuate the cycle. I've had long talks with tg's who've been involved in the sex trade, and I find their situations quite sad. Not insurmountable, but not easy lives.

I dream of meeting a career ts woman, but I have more recently discovered that some tv's, cd's etc. appeal to me with their dual personas. Not (just) sexually, but more importantly as the people they are, in the society we all share. That may sound like I'm judgmental, I don't mean to be. Maybe it's my ignorance showing through.

The TG Forum is a place that I was very happy to discover. Here is a place of integrity, honesty, class, acceptance, and an environment for all of us to be ourselves in. The blatantly sexual ads are not suited, or allowed, and the few people I've met have been good people. I have digressed, sorry, but if you see me as a man who wants all those traditional things that couples share, only my partner has the letters tg or ts in front of woman (not that it's anybody's business) you've read me correctly.

Tony

Is a 46 year old attorney from Chicago who has a personal ad here

I differ with Ray Blanchard, Sexologist. The conclusion that heterosexual men are interested in TG by analyzing a transsexual voice mail service is unfounded. If the analysis contained an extensive and detailed study, then I would be inclined to agree.

I have different reason for admiration of TGs than exercising a dominant role. I want to go out with a TG, but I want to share in events that make us enjoy ourselves. I have been interested in transexuals for about one year. Of course, I admire TGs because they look like women. My attraction to the TG is that they express themselves as TG. There is no one to impress.

Don

Don sent this note in as a response to my question about why he is attracted to TGs I think my dating of tg's breaks down into two distinct but not separable issues. The first is the fact that I used to dress but have resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to be as attractive as I wanted. Since that time I have admired those that are successful in the development of their feminine image. It may be that I am living out my dressing fantasies vicariously through my dates, but I am also have the objective of allowing them the pleasure of being appreciated as a beautiful woman. This part of dating a tg is not a one way street. I really enjoy seeing her get to completely relax as a woman that knows her date is enthralled with her. It is nice knowing you are appreciated and wanted.

That last statement leads me to my other driving force behind dating tg's, and maybe behind my desire to dress too. I love all of the large and small things a woman can do to make herself desirable and attractive. There are dozens of little ways a woman can exhibit her intention to look desirable. Not just attractive but desirable.

Herein, I part company from the objective of passing. Many motherly ladies can pass, but I do not have a desire to date them. I am speaking to things like false lashes, long nails, ankle bracelets, high heeled shoes, dangling earrings; little things that telegraph the intention to be desirable. Subtle movements like pointing a toe in a pump, wetting her lips, touching an arm with her nails first, looking at you through her lashes. Again little things that make a difference. This is not intended to be a fetish dissertation, but rather an explanation of those things that make you feel that she really likes you and wants to show it. I have read the phrase that God is in the details. These intentional, premeditated, time consuming and well orchestrated signal are all a part of the attraction.

We all dress to the teeth for major events like high school proms and New years Eve. And we have all read about the amount of sexual activity that subsequently occurs. Is it just a heat of the moment, animal passion? Or might it be that all of those signals to our dates, might mean more to them then we discuss. Maybe everybody gets excited by and appreciates someone else dressing to kill for them.

Well that's enough from me. Sorry If I have offended you. It was not my intent to do so but rather to separate my feelings from those that are a bit more crude about this subject.

Bob

Bob sent this note in as a response to my question about why he is attracted to TGs

Yes, I find myself increasingly attracted to TS Ladies. I really don't know why except that some of them are extremely attractive and most are more friendly than the average woman and appear to be more romantic.

However, and this is the part I do not like, I am finding that when I write to a Lady, I am very often ignored. I have always tried to mind my manners and approach with the same attitude, a good one, that I would with any Lady. One told me that it is because they think most men come on to them because they are different and not because they are the one thing they really want to be, a woman, and for no other reason. This makes it very difficult to "break the ice" and establish a friendship. I can't seem to find a way to overcome this....

Maybe you can tell me?

Until someone can, I think the TS Ladies ought to hang out a sign that says "Do Not Disturb". It would be nicer than the cold shoulder.


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