It's a question I've thought about for many years, but have never been sure enough about to proceed, All things being equal, I would rather save myself and those around me the hardship of transition if I can achieve a peaceful state of mind as a man.
At this point, I can't honestly picture myself transitioning. The impact on my parents, siblings, employer, and (understanding) wife is not something I fear, but rather something that I have difficulty visualizing. I see myself continuing as a male role, with occasional feelings of discomfort and wistfulness. This doesn't strike me as tragic or pitiful; there are many fulfilling aspects of my life that transcend gender.
Even though sticking with masculinity is the outcome I envision, I can't ignore the momentum of recent years. The depth of my TG feelings, and my desire to be a woman has steadily increased. If things continued as they have, it's conceivable that one day I would decide that a transition was the only way to live my life.
So here's my question (feel free to edit out the last three paragraphs if you post this; I thought some context might be needed):
If I ever decide to transition, I'd like to make the path as manageable as possible. With this in mind, I'd like to know whether there is a low-dosage hormone regimen that would halt any further hair-loss, without stimulating breast growth. In other words, I'm trying to figure out whether hormones have to be "all-or-nothing" in their effects. Beyond slowing hair loss, some of the other alleged effects of hormones would be welcome (e.g., reduced body hair), and some would be tolerable (e.g., decreased libido), but breasts would seriously cramp my style right now.
I've spoken to one tg-familiar doctor about this question, and he led me to believe that any hormone regimen I undertake to curb hair loss will most likely bring about breast development. He does not know of a way to achieve effects selectively. However, I know that there are a number of varying experiences with hormones, and I'm curious what you've heard on this subject.
I understand that the hormones vary in their effects on individuals, and that any info you provide will not apply to everyone. Nonetheless, I'm still interested in hearing about possible approaches that I can discuss with my physician. Thanks, Dee.
Dear Dee:
The quintessence of your concern, at this point, seems to be "further hair loss." I assume you mean loss of hair on your head. If I am correct, considering a female hormone regimen is not for you. Why not just take Rogaine (SP?); it has received accolades from a number of credible sources particularly if used early on.
Female hormones WILL feminize your body and may slow head hair loss (but not necessarily). Your breasts will develop. How large they become depend on your genes. Look at the females in your family and subtract one cup size and that will be a thumbnail guess on how large you will be. The younger you start the greater the chance is that you will approximate their breast size. There will be a reduction in muscle tone and a shift in body fat. You will gain weight in your hips and lose some of the masculine biceps muscles. While body hair may become finer and lighter, facial hair will remain the same. Your skin may become softer in appearance though.
Libido? Yeah, that will diminish or even disappear. So your wife and you may have to explore alternative means of sexual pleasure. Taking hormones is a risky business. If not properly supervised by a medical doctor, taking them could lead to your death.
My question to you is, "where are you going with all this?" I think your answer is, "I don't know." While that is okay, it portends your need to see a counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist or whom ever in order that you receive help in working you way through all of this. This I would strongly recommend; this is how you will make this "manageable." Good luck, hon. Rachael
ear Rachael:
I have some terrible mood swings, they go from one extreme to the other. Sometimes I get so wound up that I'm ready to cut it off with a kitchen knife. Other times, I want to just be a "macho man". I realize that something is wrong, is there any hope for me - I'm married with 2 kids.
My wife knows of some of my cross-dressing, but not all. I don't go out, but I usually wear panties & pantyhose. I dream of being "out" but am too afraid to go all the way. Also, how would I get the paraphernalia - wigs, padding, etc.? I mean the logistics - where do I have it sent to, where do I hide it, how do I explain it to my wife, ...? Cindy
Dear Cindy:
SEE A COUNSELOR. That's advice number one. It is the most important piece of advice that I can give you. You probably think that the loved ones around you don't notice that you are often "wound up." Hon, they do! In fact, it may eating your relationships up. You may find yourself waking up some morning all alone and just as frustrated as you are now. A gender counselor will help you get your stuff together. At some point you may want to involve you wife in the counseling. Right now, just get going!
As for the logistics of getting female paraphernalia . . . that's the easy part. If you cannot go to the store and buy directly for pretended "lady friend," buy a ladies magazine at the store, look inside and send for just one free catalog. Shortly, you will be inundated with all sorts of catalogs, with sizing information as well. If receiving this stuff at home is an issue, rent a post office box.
ear Rachael:
I have just found out that my future Father in Law is a TS, he came "out", if that's the right expression in February, to his wife. . . and to my fiance and I three weeks ago. I want to support him as much as possible. I don't want to see him as close to suicide as he has been before. But I also want to support his wife as much as possible too, she is suffering terribly, but has decided to stay with him for as long as she can possibly bear, they both love each other very much, but obviously their marriage is now a little shaken.
Could you let me know of any support groups/literature I can get hold of in the UK or Internet based? Or could you give me any pointers as to how I should behave and support his wife and my fiance through his transformation over the next few months/years? I would be grateful for any reply. Many thanks, Robert.
Dear Robert:
Wow! Your wife-to-be has found a jewel in you. I hope she recognizes that. It is rare for a male to show so much empathy and sensitivity. You get a Rachael wink and hug (big whoopy- smile). Since you have found me, you have found the resources to a vast body of knowledge regarding TS and well as TV right here on the TG Forum. Explore and learn all that you can. Buy and read the books that are available. Have your wife do the same and your future mother-in-law, if possible. The knowledge you all gain may help you through all of this. It may not, however save their marriage. But alas, that is for them to deal with.
Being non-judgmental, open and caring are the best ways to deal with this with your future wife, mom and dad (maybe soon to be second mother-in-law). One word of caution though; your avid support of your future father-in-law's desire to have a sex change, may be construed to suggest your proclivity in that direction as well. Stupid conclusion? Yes! Just be prepared for that stupidity would be my suggestion. Good luck, Rachael
ear Rachael:
I am not a cross-dresser/transvestite, but there are a few things on my mind. It started say around 6th grade when I moved to Oregon, Where a lot of stress pounded me down. I started realizing that I wasn't attracted to females, and slightly attracted to males. Finally I did start getting feelings for females, but I still had feelings for males.
I thought at first I was gay, but brushed it off as being bisexual. Later on though, I started realizing that I wished I was a girl. As for being attracted to males, that finally left, but now i am attracted to females. The earlier parts were probably a phase, but wishing that I was a girl, is definitely not.
My parents "sort of" found out. I had a friend that I confessed to, that I trusted with this information. Unfortunately she got drunk and told her boyfriend, who was a friend of mine. This boyfriend also told his friend, who is a friend of my brother. My brother found out but didn't mention anything. Finally when the girl that let out the secret wrote a note saying something about Jasmine, which I told her I would choose as a name if I actually did ever decide to "become a girl", I left it in my house. My brother later on found the note, noting that perhaps this information was true and told my parents.
My parents didn't beat me or anything of the sort, but they didn't want to account that it was true, so I told them that it wasn't. I am really having some hard times right now with my parents and other things. I think I probably have some sort of personality disorder or some other things of the sort that I am not really sure of, and I also note the fact that I have re-occurring depression. Anyway, the way you take this information is entirely up to you, and the way you react is also.
I just need someone to talk to through these hard times, because I am not really sure if becoming a girl is what I really want. Anyway my name Is Jon, glad to meet you. I hope you write back Thanks.
Dear Jon:
You are very young and living at home with your parents. Their marching orders are you commands and you cannot get away from that. When you are grown up and move away you can live your life as you choose.
Somehow you need to find a forum where you can share your feelings with them. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help via your school counselor or a member of your clergy. You need to explore you feelings with a professional and to do that you need to get your parents permission. They, or the intermediary that you choose, may try to dismiss this matter as just puberty or growing pains. Be strong. Refer them to this forum for more information. While they may be right, it does not sound like it from what you say. When you can look at your therapist and say that all of this was just folly, great. But if you are wrongly forced into this denial state, you will be miserable, if not suicidal, for the rest of your life.
Like I said, you are young, so be patient, go slow, be understanding of you loved ones, but be true to yourself. Best of luck, Rachael
ear Rachael:
Hi my name is Stephanie. I'm relatively new to TGF but have found it very enjoyable and informative. I cannot thank TG Forum staff enough for developing this web site. The people here are open, honest and can understand what i've been going through.
To digress for a second, before I started revealing myself to family, friends and doctors, I was lost in a world of alcohol and drugs. When I finally came to grips with myself, I sobered up. TGF, also, has been a great help in that area-- letting me converse with people who understand my plight. It's nice to know i'm not alone.
I have both a counselor and a psychiatrist evaluating whether I should have SRS. My counselor has begun calling me Stephanie, and both have told me my case is not unique at all. My psychiatrist gave me the number to a doctor in the Houston area who performs the surgery.
And now why I'm writing you. All of the surgeons I can find require that the patient test negative for AIDS. I was diagnosed with it about a year ago. I'm 27 and, by all accounts, very healthy. I know I have several options available, but would really like to proceed with the surgery. I could take hormones and not have the surgery, but I would still feel incomplete. Do you have any advice or know of any respectable surgeons that can help? Thank you, Stephanie
Dear Stephanie:
I am so sorry that you have to deal with AIDS. Hopefully, in the near future we will find a cure and perhaps a vaccination to prevent this dreaded disease. What few realize is that it has the potential of wiping out the human race. Gawd, the government ought to be funding research in this area with as much vigor as space exploration.
You seem to have accepted your diagnosis well, probably with a great deal of preliminary stress; congratulations for having worked through that. What I can't figure out is why you have been postponed access to the hormone regimen in order have SRS? Hormone therapy is the starting gate to SRS. So do it! You did not say that particular thing was being refused. The results are really quite rewarding on this journey.
As far as SRS . . . one doctor does not make for a "universal denial" of your desires. Try others. While AIDS is a scare for some uniformed medical personnel because of their ignorance, it is not that pervasive in this day. Just keep going, hon. There are many in this country, Central and South America, Asia and Europe. Go for it. Wish you well, hon. Rachael