"...act normally, and have fun,
and you probably won't notice anyone looking at you"





Thought Trans-mission

The Drugstore...

By Melody Griffiths
©1996 Transgender Forum and Melody Griffiths
This column is designed to be about thoughts, feelings, and events a young transsexual goes through in her quest to discover who she is, and become who she wants to be -- both serious and humorous. The viewpoints expressed in this column may be inflammatory, and as such are not to be considered the opinions of the editors or owners of Transgender Forum -- solely the author of the column, Melody Griffiths. Comments on this column may be sent to the address posted at the end.
If there is one place I'm sure a transsexual goes through a fair bit of emotional angst on her path to becoming a woman, it is the drugstore.

First, you have the purchasing of "female-oriented" things. The first time I went into there alone was pure hell. Do you ever get the feeling that EVERYONE in the store is watching you, for some reason or another...? This is VERY annoying when you're dressed as a male, and trying to pick up some more pantyhose (because your last pair got runs when you went to the bar last night,) and some makeup...

I've never actually seen a man buy pantyhose for his girlfriend/sister/ whatever. Does it happen and I've missed it? Or is it some kind of universal clue to the world -- Man at cash register buying pantyhose probably has "trans" in the first part of a clinical definition for him?

Whatever -- the clerk certainly seems to have some reason to give you the wierdest look in the world, that's for sure...

Or, buying blemish cover, foundation, powder (and on and on...) -- Like your wife/girlfriend would have a complexion problem *THAT* bad... But it doesn't matter, one still stalks through the aisles like James Bond on a mission, avoiding assailants but retrieving the required packages as covertly as possible -- after all, you don't want a clerk to come up to you while you're trying to decide what shade you are, and go "Can I help you?" with that knowing twinkle in their eyes...

And then, when you get to the cash register, you remember that people in line are bored, and usually check out what the person in front of them is buying (just to see if they can spot a guy buying makeup and pantyhose...) and realize you're going to have people thinking you're a T-something anyhow.

May as well have just gone right up to the makeup counter and started discussing lipstick, huh?

Now, you beginners can climb off the ceiling now -- you see, it's not that bad. You can get through it if you remember a simple mantra to chant when you're in there the first few times...

"People don't care..."

Because they don't. And those that do are unlikely to say two words to you in a place like a drugstore. So, relax, chill out, just buy what you want to buy, and forget the rest of the world. Because the workers just want you to buy, and the customers just want to get their stuff and get out of there, and neither of them is going to want to spend much time contemplating your existence just because you might crossdress.

They might think it's humorous picturing you in full-makeup and a dress, though, but so what? To be honest, don't you see some guy walking down the street who's height about equals his width and length, and wonder, "If he falls down, does he bounce?" Or, some wrinkled old woman who couldn't be saved by five plastic surgeons wearing more makeup than Tammy Faye Baker, and laugh because *you'll* never look *that* bad...?

It's in peoples nature to laugh at other people. It pumps up their egos, makes them feel that they're "better" than the rest of us. And there are a lot worse things to have people smirk at you about than buying makeup. (Like, for a lot of us, remember when we wore that bright pink blouse to school and found out why one just didn't do such things...)

So, act normally, and have fun, and you probably won't notice anyone looking at you even if they do... and if they do, just smile at them sweetly, and go on your way... (That'l *really* mess them up... :)

Now, second... bet you know this one... filling a hormone prescription!

"Are you *SURE* this is your prescription...?"

"Premarin, Provera, and Aldactone...? Yup, I'm sure..." The druggist looked at me -- at this point, a perfectly "normal" looking young guy -- and blinked.

"Alright, it'l be ready in about ten minutes..."

So, I just floated around the area of the counter, straining to hear the employees in the back...

(This is somewhat paraphrased, but pretty close to what I heard -- now don't go shooting your local druggist -- they're just people, and people talk.)

"Haven't had one like *that* in here before..."

"Oh, we have a few who get their prescriptions here, but not that young, no..."

"What would make someone do that so young...?"

"I don't know, but the drugs will work better... More power to him I guess. That reminds me, did you see the one that came in the other day? I think they need a higher dose."

"Yeah well, takes all kinds to make a world... Well, I better go give this to him/her/whatever..."

"Yup..."

I started walking towards the counter... "Here you go," the druggist said...

"Thank you..." I smiled as wide as I could, as if it was Christmas, and took the bag. As I giggled inside at the expression on the druggists face I walked away...

So, just remember, they're all people, and so are we. We laugh at them, they laugh at us... and I figure it all works out even.


Melody Griffiths is a 21 year-old pre-op transsexual living full-time in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. She is a musician, a keyboardist and composer who loves cats, kids, flowers, and art of all forms. She can be mailed at:
ua770@freenet.victoria.bc.ca


Lazarus always thought Andy Libby was a little funny, but at
least she was finally happy now...
(Ref: The Number of the Beast, Robert A. Heinlein.)

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