By Angela Gardner

W ell girls, the competition is fierce here in Dish Land, and I may have met my match. Chatty Kathy, a columnist for the Femme Forum , the official newsletter of the Tau Chi Chapter of Tri-Ess, can really sling the dish. She calls herself the "Skirt with the dirt." I love it! Kathy has just the right qualities for a gossip columnist, she insults people right and left but it's so well done most of her victims don't realize they've been zinged... and if they figure it out they'll most likely laugh it off.

Some examples--she mentions one lady who was "a vision of dimpled redness" as she floated by in a tightly laced corset. Another Tau Chi lady is described thusly, "The only thing bigger than her heart are her curvaceous hips." (Did she just say that girl had a big butt?) She characterized one of the members as having a "simpering little feminine voice," and then she favorably compared the voice to a silver flute. I may have her there. "Simpering" is a word with a negative connotation and as the rest of her statement about the lady was positive it might be possible Kathy doesn't know "simpering" is a fighting word. In any event I enjoyed reading her column about the Tau Chi Awards Banquet and I look forward to seeing more of her prose soon. Really.

Rodman... Again

I had to mention Dennis Rodman last month and sure enough, he's made enough noise with his wild crossdressing ways that I have to mention him again. Right on Rodman! He actually went on television and said he wants to dress like a woman. Now this sounds like a great opportunity for a Chicago TG support group (like Renaissance affiliate, The Chicago Gender Society) to come forward and offer their services to help Dennis create a Denise. (Would she be Denise Rodwoman?)

As I mentioned before, the Philadelphia Inquirer's fashion columnist thought Rodman was an insult to crossdressers cause of the wild, uncoordinated outfits he wears. With a little help from a support group Denise could be as hot as RuPaul. Imagine the two of them clubbing. It's mind boggling. Of course, Denise would have a quite masculine build so she wouldn't be as femme as Ru, but let's face it, she (Rodman) needs those muscles for her profession.

Speaking of her profession, how are people taking the dress wearing? Well, the most important person Rodman has to be concerned with is his coach. What's coach think? Bulls Coach Phil Jackson remarked that Rodman has "reached a heart space with other members of the team I'd never anticipated. Dennis has been a real blessing for us, because he's like a heyoka." Jackson explained that among the Lakota people a "heyoka was a crossdresser, a unique person ... respected because he brought a reality change when you saw him."

Well, with her wild colored hair, bustiers and boas (not to mention the tattoos) Miss Rodman certainly brings on a reality change for the other guys on the basketball court. Who could guard a player that looked like that? I know I'd be too distracted by her jewelry and tattoos...What's that one on your left shoulder say? Where did you get that adorable ear cuff? Hey! Come back here. Oh, darn, another basket for the Bulls. Keep up the good work Dennis and have Denise give us a call.

She's Just A Big Bunny

One girl who doesn't need a bit of help with her femininity is the world famous Miss Lady Bunny. This Southern girl left Atlanta with a corset and case of hair spray back in the early '80s and started a drag career in New York City as a dancer at the Pyramid Club. (I thought that was her on the bar.) She went on from there to start Wigstock and star in the movie about that big haired event.

Now, little Miss Bunny has put out a record. Her record company says, with "homespun sass, unique comedic song styling, eye-popping wardrobe, show -stopping dance moves, and delectably naughty patter" she's left audiences around the world shouting for more. The record is a remake of the disco hit Shame, Shame, Shame and it was produced by DJ Dmitry from the hit pop group Deelite.

The next time you head out to the clubs remember to ask the DJ to play that hot new disc from Miss Lady Bunny. Of course, club DJs never play requests. Stuck up is what I call it. Ooo... they're artistes ya know.

I Finally Get To See It

By "it" I mean the BBC film Stonewall that I worked on a few years back. It was November of 1994 and I got to strut my stuff as a hooker on the streets of NYC's meat district. (It's two meat districts in one.) Oh, sure it wasn't the first time. (I worked on the film Rooftops portraying a street walker with a drug habit. Did ya think I actually walked the streets? Nonsense... I'm more the call girl type.)

Now, when the memories of the cold wind wafting up my leather mini and the feeling, or lack thereof, that you develop in your toes after having them squashed into spike heels for eight hours had just begun to fade, the film is finally going to play in the Philadelphia area. I'm gonna get my ticket tomorrow for the screening at The Philadelphia International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. It's happening July 11th thru 21st and in addition to my cinematic tour de force (At this point I really hope they kept the hooker scene. It's so awkward when one is cut after one has told the world one will be in the movie) they're doing a John Waters Retrospective. If you haven't seen her work, this would probably be a good chance to catch the immortal Divine. There'll also be at least one Andy Warhol flick shown. So, step right up and see the TV hooker! She struts, she poses, she blows the cops a kiss. Next time I do that I better get paid more than real hookers get for a nights work.

Give Me That Old Time Religion

To atone for that last paragraph I think it's a good idea for me to carry out a "good work." For around six years Miss Lee Frances Heller of Jackson, Mississippi has been producing the Grace & Lace Letter to meet the spiritual needs of the Christian crossdresser. (Since Lee dresses full time we can assume she's saying prayers for Christian transgenderists, too.) For the entire six years she has relied on Christian charity, and her own limited resources (she's on Social Security) to produce the newsletter. Now that's real charity.

With her most recent issue came a letter saying she was going to have to start charging for Grace & Lace. She's putting it out four times a year and it's usually around twelve pages. All she's asking for the spiritual care of transgendered souls is six bucks. If you've got six dollars to spare and would like to get her newsletter, send a check payable to Lee Frances Heller to PO Box 31253, Jackson, MS 39286-1253. Hey, even if you don't want to subscribe it might be a good idea (for your soul's sake) to send her a check. And, as they say about a visit to Lourdes, it couldn't hurt.

OK, Here's A Kinky One

I mentioned this before but you know how we old queens love to repeat ourselves. I say, ya know how... all right, I'll get on with it. Philadelphia is just the place to be this summer. In addition to the film fest the city of Brotherly Love is hosting the International Ms. Leather 1996 contest. The film thing and the leather thing happen right around the same time so this could be the one chance in your life you ever get to wear a leather teddy to the John Waters Retrospective. The leather event happens from July 18th to 20th at the Holiday Inn-Independence mall. Call Bare Images Productions at 402-451-7987 for info, or email them imsi@synergy.net. With the film fest from the 11th to the 21st it could really lead to an interesting weekend in Philadelphia's Olde City section.

Pass The Panty Girdle & Rockets Away

Hey kids, did you know the big, brave astronauts went through a phase when they wore ladies underwear? Bet ya didn't. Now, thanks to a bit sent in by the lovely and well-read Michelle Lynn the secret of orbital crossdressing has come to light.

It seems that since early space flights were so short there were no provisions for the astronauts to take a leak. Sometimes the flights were delayed and they found that the only thing to do was let loose in the space suit. When Gus Grissom was scheduled for a space shot he decided he didn't want wet shorts so he insisted that NASA find a way to solve the liquid waste problem. After a quick search through the local town for a ready made garment that might be absorbent enough to keep Grissom dry, for some reason, instead of a large diaper (Yea, Depends) a nurse returned with a panty girdle. (Absorbent?) July 21, 1961 Gus Grissom became the first man to be shot into space in ladies lingerie and he stayed nice and dry. Well, except for a few stains, but that was probably just excitement about the flight or... the girdle. I can hear it now--Next time I think I need something to strengthen my upper body. A long line bra might be just the ticket. Black, of course. A little chest padding wouldn't hurt. By the way, are there garters with this girdle?

Bridges To Coalition

On June 2nd Philadelphia was host to a special event for the entire transgender community, Bridges To Coalition: A Community Forum on Transgender Issues. The event was attended by around a hundred and fifty transgendered and gay or lesbian people from all phases of the community. Butch women mingled with crossdressers, M to F and F to M transsexuals, as well as several intersexed individuals and supportive gay and straight people. We all came together to hear inspiring speeches from local TG leaders and then be treated to a speech from Leslie Feinberg, the author of Stone Butch Blues and Transgendered Warriors.

Feinberg is a dynamic speaker and even though she ( I use the female pronoun cause even though Leslie is butcher than I'll ever be she doesn't mind "she.") is very ill, her talk roused the crowd to numerous rounds of applause. (If you'd like to contribute to Leslie's health fund you can contact her via email sbblues@aol.com) The subject of the whole event was how it's very important that we all work together for transgender rights. If the entire community can't learn to cooperate and build coalitions for the sake of everyone then we're all in trouble.

Recently the alt.transgendered newsgroup on the Internet had a heated flame war over who has a right to call themselves "she." Some of the participants insisted on calling some of the others who identify as female "Mister." That's what Bridges To Coalition was about. It doesn't matter how you fit into the community, if you fit, the community has to support you and respect you. When community members engage in flame wars and denigrating one another we all lose.

I just saw the "transsexual" episode of Dick Van Dyke's show Diagnosis Murder. The TS (played by a beautiful GG, of course) was murdered by her old girlfriend who hated what she had become. This and other non-accepting attitudes (her Marine boyfriend calls her a "freak.") are all through the script. (All presented by the bad guys, except for one of the regular characters who calls the dead TS "he" after the truth is known.) The point is, even though some of the statements about transsexuals were correct some of it was not. This is a sample of what the world in general thinks about transsexuals.

Lesbians and gays are now portrayed much more humanly than they were in the Sixties or Seventies. That didn't just happen. It occurred because the Gay Rights Movement fought for better treatment. The TG Community must do what it takes to become a force to be reckoned with, not just a bunch of "freaks" that can be thrown into your mystery show to provide a motive. Respect your transgendered brothers and sisters and then we can change the world.

One short note on crossdresser attendance at the Bridges event . It was low. There were not many White, suburban crossdressers there. At first I thought it was indifference but on thinking it over I bet it was more a function of the time the event was presented. It happened on a sunny Sunday afternoon, not the most likely time for the middle class, suburban crossdresser to sneak out of the house en femme. Hey honey, hand me another couple of burgers for the grill. Say, isn't that old George drivin' out in a wig and dress? Yes, dear. You know, he really shouldn't wear that color with his eyes.

Speaking of things you shouldn't wear... watch out for those floral prints! It's been found (I don't know who does the research on stuff like this) that if you wear floral prints outside experts say you can end up attracting bugs. Ya see, the bugs think you're a flower bed. So, if you're troubled by bees you better stick to solids. Well kittens, that's it for this month. Don't let the hot, humid Summer weather melt your MAC and be sure to duck those bees.


If you've got any dish for the Diva email it to her bensalem@cpcn.com.
Include the word "Dish" in the subject line.

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