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Topics: Differences between TVs and TS.
Why do we dress like it's Prom Night?
That does not mean going to the extreme. It does mean, that I am never without my makeup (although never over done). But I must say, I know many biological ladies who feel the same way. My best girl(since birth)friend, won't even go to the mailbox without lipstick and mascara on. I sometimes wonder if we only notice "the extreme" look and perhaps that is why you ask the question. Perhaps you have not noticed the ladies like myself who simply "blend in"... Just a thought...
Email: Kathee
The younger T*s amongst us have a great advantage over the likes of myself - society is more tolerant (there's still a long way to go though) and the information available and clubs where they can let their hair down have prolificated. I suspect that with this 'freedom' say fifteen years ago I would have released Fiona from the closet.
E-mail: Fiona Michelle
Straight, Gay, Bi-sexual are all labels that undermine one's ability to enjoy wearing clothes that, in this culture and time, are assigned to women- A pastime, hobby or lifestyle choice that most people here share.
If you like boys/men, good. If it validates you, here is a GOLD STAR. That goes for the girl/women contingent as well. And if you are a "well-adjusted bi" then that is great, too. What I'm trying to say is that you can try to put any label you want on anyone. Call me whatever you will, but your words don't define the true me.
If I am a transvestite and like women, and you are a TV that likes boys, what do these two things have in common? We are both transvestites, but different people. What is true for this CD is not necessarily true about all cross-dressers. We are a community that shares a common interest, not a common sexual preference.
It's just strange that a group of people who are essentially trying to demolish lables, perceptions and stereotypes in regard to gender (and themselves) would spend so much time desperately trying to construct,define and apply lables to others in this community regarding sexuality. I think this kind of devisive, dualist thinking should stop.
Aurora
My girlfriend and I were wondering about something that we've never had the guts to ask our transgendered pals: How come you gals always try to look like the "prom queen" or the "belle of the ball" or just some glammed out vegas queen that really has nothing to do with being a woman? We don't know whether to be insulted or what? Sometimes it seems as if it were just another case of men making the idea of "being a woman" something that was FAR different from what it REALLY is... Could you please think about your answer...this is something that has been bothering us and we really want to understand... Thanks so much.
Lisa & Laurel
Unfortunately, not all of us have a very clear picture of the daily femal= e routine and so end up only partially realizing the full female appearance/experience. I'm sure that's confusing for you, seeing us try = to emulate something that we don't fully understand ourselves.
I also think that we have fallen victim to the mass media vision of what = a woman should be. Perhaps we watch too much television, or read too many magazines, but I think that we are influenced (adversely?) by those mediu= ms that present women as always looking like the cover of Cosmo.
For many of us, the daily hassles of being a fashionable woman comes as a surprise. The makeup, the additional items of clothing, the extra time required to get dressed and that is just the (admittedly superficial) beginning. I know that the first time I wore high heels across a parking lot, I was amazed at the screams of protests from my feet.
I guess what I'm saying is: Please don't be insulted. In our desire to emulate the feminine mystique, we may occasionally run to the right or le ft of a true woman's self image; please be tolerant. We want to understand, we're trying to understand and we'll keep on trying (though perhaps with a slightly lower heel next time!) Linda
Some of us like to wear sexy clothes (what each person _perceives_ as sexy that is
Why do many of us take such pleasure at being accepted as women by other
men? Why do many of us fantasize about sex with men while dressed? I,
for example, cannot picture myself in bed with a man in my male persona,
but can, and often do, as Rachael. Yet, I am happily married to a woman I
love; even though she accepts my crossdressing, I would find it extremely
difficult to discuss the homoerotic aspects of my psyche with her.
Four thousand years ago, a small, desert tribe made strict rules about
what kind of sex was allowed by their god, Yaweh. The rules were
designed to ensure survival of the band under extremely harsh conditions,
and prohibited any sexual act that did not stand the chance of producing an
offspring. Thus, they banned bestiality, masturbation and homosexuality.
These rules were passed down to Christianity, and have ingrained in our
Western culture a revulsion towards homosexuality.
As "heterosexual" crossdressers, we are victims of this cultural
peculiarity as much as the most macho, redneck homophobe. Perhaps more
so, because we constantly feel the need to reassure ourselves and our
loved ones that we are not gay, not one of THOSE. The reason I can
imagine myself having sex with a man as Rachael may be that, as Rachael,
I am a woman. Thus, the act is not homosexual in my mind. Many of us
never come to grips with our natures, harboring secret fears about our
sexual orientation, and keeping deeply buried any hint of forbidden
feelings. Great psychological harm can occur.
With our paranoid insistence upon our heterosexuality, we help perpetuate
the homophobia that is still rampant in our society. While closed groups
like Tri-ESS certainly have their place, the proliferation of open ones like
ETVC and Rennaisance is a welcome development. They foster healthy
attitudes, doing battle against ignorance and prejudice. I hope the time
comes when we feel free to drop the automatic "heterosexual" prefix
when we declare ourselves to be transvestites.
Rachael Robbins
Luther
Thank you for the very educational BBS posting I read today(7-21) answering Lisa and Laurel's
question, which I believe was valid. Since we've been "hanging-out" with the T* community here in San Diego we have noticed the same cases that sparked Lisa's inquiry but never took offense to it. I appreciate the hard work our friends go through to look good. I've watched many times my wife do the same. Thank God I don't have to do it every day like her, but she's got it down to a science I think.
About the topic now: YES, as I said before, under the right circumstances I believe we are all at least Bi-sexual. I have crushes on a few of my TV friends because they are so pretty and if I were single I would be dating them in a heart beat. One has told me she wishes I were.
I'm not gay. Men don't appeal to me. But I don't see my friends AS men. They don't look, act or sound like men. And as for sex, well, just watch a porno video.
Hiya!
There are a couple of issues raised by in your questions that I will try
to answer as best I can, but I'd also like your permission to pose this
question (shortened up) as part of our topic of the week for TG Forum's
BBS...(cut for privacy reasons)
On Sun, 16 Jul 1995 Laurel & Lisa wrote:
> Hi! My girlfriend and I were wondering about something that we've never had
> the guts to ask our transgendered pals: How come you gals always try to look
> like the "prom queen" or the "belle of the ball" or just some glammed out
> vegas queen that really has nothing to do with being a woman? We don't know
> whether to be insulted or what?
Don't be insulted.
First, I'd ask who it is you are friendly with. If they are, as I suspect,
transgender people who only dress occasionally, the answer is fairly
simple:
If you aren't living a female life a lot of the time, when you DO get a
chance to go out it is a VERY, VERY special event. Special events call for
special clothes, no? Some people definitely do go overboard, but I really
think it is mostly because they go out so rarely this is a big deal: it
kind of IS a prom night.
Also, where are you and your friends going? If
they're dressing to the nines to go the mall...well, let's just say I
know some professional shrinks they may need to talk to!
But what is interesting is that when people get the chance to express
themselves as much as they want they most definitely begin dressing
and acting like real women.
Let me put it more personally. I go out a lot during the day to shop or
just so see friends. I wear what you probably would wear: casual clothes,
little or no make-up, etc. I want to "pass", not be noticed as odd, and I
want to be comfortable too. Every transgender person I know who goes out a
lot, especially in the day, wants to pass. BTW, read the article we have
here now (link in Whats New) about Going Out.
Yes, in my photos here I am in my "prom" clothes (made me smile to read
that), but those are show-off pix. I sure don't dress like that to go to
7-11!
And take a look at a lot of the other pictures of people here, many of them
look like well-dressed, but not flamboyant, women.
There is a small exception to this: gay drag queens. I know a lot of these folks too and they dress almost exclusively in
glamorous type outfits. They also almost NEVER go out dressed in the day.
Their thing is very theatrical. I'm not an expert in the DQ mindset, but
they are a lot of fun.
Which brings me to another point: some transgender people have no choice
but to glam it up.
That sounds stupid, but hear me out.
A big person, with a very masculine face, maybe a five o'clock shadow
too, is going to need lots of makeup to look anything like a woman. When
you start using a trowel for your foundation, well then everything starts
getting exaggerated just so that it kind of works...Try it sometime. Put
a lot of foundation on, as if you needed it to hide as much as possible.
You'll find that you use more of EVERYTHING.
Same with accessories. People with big hands and heads use big clunky
jewelry to make those features look smaller. But it also makes them look
flamboyant. But some just don't have any taste...read on.
> Sometimes it seems as if it were just
> another case of men making the idea of "being a woman" something that was
> FAR different from what it REALLY is... Could you please think about your
> answer...this is something that has been bothering us and we really want to
> understand... Thanks so much.
This is a complicated question. I think most of us truly honor women, the
very last thing any of us would want to do is to insult or otherwise
degrade women.
But, some people have no taste or they're plain stupid. I think some
people who wear minis up to here don't understand how stupid they look or
the message they convey...until they go outside of "safe" venues and
into a place where men are.
They learn really fast that if you dress like a hooker, men assume you
are looking for something. Doesn't take long for the person to realize
that maybe it isn't such a good idea to dress like that!
My advice to you is if you have
friends who you feel are overdressed or far too flamboyant, tell them!!
My wife sure told me, and it improved my image immensely. Her attitude
was if you are going to do this and want to be seen with me then don't
look like a clown or a slut.
Believe me, the fact that you care enough to give them good advice will
be appreciated. After all, how do girls learn what looks good and what
doesn't? From their peers, right? When you were growing up didn't your
friends let you know, indirectly or directly, if you looked bad or good???
People are not born with fashion sense or good taste...it's doubly hard
when you only get to try your look out a few times a month.
Hope this helps. Let me know what you think.
Cindy Martin
No, I'm more like an organdy petticoat-try to stuff me in a box and my skirt
will pop out somewhere!
I am a lot of things and a little of others--I like my friends like that too.
Lauren
Not meaning to IFGE-bash, but the first issue of Tapestry I read had one article that defined things for
newbies .. including essentially defining transvestites the way the above
question asked .. I formed my own opinion of IFGE on the spot when I read
that.
-Kara
I apologize for not having read all the posted bulletins on the internet.
In brief however I just thought a few comments from my positon as a post-op
might apply to some of
my new sisters out there in cyber-space.
Personally I feel this whole phenomena does not just involve dressing up
in a prom dress to "feel pretty" for the day or and evening out. Speaking
for myself it has been
a MIND SET that I have had for a very, very long time since I was young. I
remember
hearing about Renee Richards years ago, then thinking that this was the type
of
person I wanted to be. (Be careful for what you wish for, it could come true
!).
Now only recently being in my late 30's have I had the courage and fiances to
face
the world and become the person whom I always wanted to be. I am now a woman
legally, physically and mentally. In so doing I have all but faded away from
the gender
scene and support groups, except for an occasional visit online with my
computer to
see what others are up to. I believe when you finally complete your
transition you too
will also want to fade away from the weekly meetings of the gender centers
and
gay bars. Lets face it, does your mother or sister have to go to gender
meetings ?
Then why should you ? If you want to be a sucess as a woman then you need to
be in the real world with other women. Since the good Lord has given me a
second
chance at the life I have always wanted, I have become involved in my local
church.
It gives me a great feeling of success to be welcomed into the circles with
the other
women there. I am not saying Church is the answer to anything but it has
been a
big help for me. As many of you know, you must be prepared to give up
everyting.
Yes "everything" to do this (ie: family, friends & more). So my new friends
at church
have become an important part of my life because they have no idea of my past
life, and
if they suspect something. They do not know for sure, so I don't volunteer
the information.
In summary, you can become anything you want to be in this life if you
try hard
enough and work towards that goal. If you are inclinded to follow my path in
life, then
stride to transition with grace, not disgrace.
Warmest Regards to all.
Carol Louise
Carolk38@AOL.com
I have the greatest respect for TGs and will support to the end their rights
to live and be whoever they want to be; but I'm not one myself.
Ann
Linda
Ava K
Lots of whispers and finger pointing and the like. My friend pretends to be obliviou to it all but I know she is all too aware.
My main problem is that I tend to get very angry at the people making these comments and I often feel like telling them to f*** off but I don't want to cause a scene for her sake. Basically I would like some coping skills/suggestion from you or any one else that can help.
Please e-mail me at this address
But many transsexuals are also transvestites who think that the nature of
of what/who they are would be helped by becoming extremely advanced...
having the surgery to match the mindset that they have while dressed.
The only thing the surgery will do in that case is become the catalyst
for a great deal of regret on the part of the person in question...
and it is not easily reversible....
While we revel in labels [don't know why myself] the sad fact is that
these labels only serve the ends of those who want to seperate and destroy
the'community' [such as it is].
Randi L.A. Dennis
Thank you
I believe the cause lies with the fact that numerous terms are so poorly understood by so many people. Among these terms are: sex/gender/orientation. There are also many bases/causes/motivations for TG. There are social, psychological, emotional, physical, spiritual elements that all contribute to a massive 'soupiness' about transgenderism. Few who are TG knew they were TG from early childhood.
It's only later in life that most of us come out of denial and accept that we have true conflicts
within ourselves--that it won't just go away or resolve itself by trying to forget about it. With all the guilt, social stigma, and personal agony that we go through, with all the battles we fight within ourselves, with the difficulty explaining to ourselves--let alone others who share no common experience-- 'how' or 'why' we are 'what' we are (after we've finally resolved 'what' we are--or think we have), with all the various manifestations of 'trans____' (TV/TG/TS/T?)
it's no wonder to me that others who are entirely content with their genetic sex, assigned gender role, and socially-accepted orientation would have trouble understanding what a transgendered person is.
(another comment about "prom" night--getting all dolled up gets us mentally as far away from being male as possible. If I could look as feminine completely nude, I might die of contentment)
About an old topic: TG & heterosexualism.
I don't think there will ever be an accepted majority opinion on exactly what would make a heterosexual TG. I personally am most attracted to M/F sexual activity, though I also find interest in F/F activity. However, I'm personally repulsed by the thought of M/M sexual contact. I've fantasized considerably about sex with a woman--a fair number of times with me participating as a genetic woman. Here's the catch: these last years, I grown into fantasizing most of the time as a genetic woman having sex with a basically nameless/faceless man. I yearn to participate completely as a woman. However, if the image enters my mind of my male body (something of an 'ick') in sexual contact with another male body (really icky), the allure disappears. With a male image, I lose interest in men. If I had a female body, I would be attracted to heterosexual activity (and admittedly, some lesbian activity as well).
I figure I'm heterosexual in my psyche, but perhaps others would disagree. I've considered, but honestly don't believe that
Crystal
Part of my explanation is that I believe this is more of a perception than it is full fact.
When most people actually "see" TGs dressed, they see us dressed to the nines (I suppose I
should know precisely what that expression means, but forgive me, I don't). I believe it's
easier to see some of the less noticeable incongruities in a revealing prom dress, than
in well-chosen casual or business wear. I believe I pass pretty well and don't get noticed
when I'm just 'Jane Doe' in the public eye. But when I call attention to myself in an
attention-grabbing formal, close scrutiny reveals that I'm not what I want to be. I guess
what I'm trying to say is that just SEEMS like so many TGs dress like it's ALWAYS prom night.
Another part of my explanation is this: Many TGs are seen only at special occasions, when then
have been given special 'license' (by themselves, or by someone else) to be dressed in public.
Therefore, the occasion becomes a gala event. Much anticipation and energy is put into being
as pretty as possible, with the realization that the event will not last all day, so practicality
is not so much an issue--rather, we do what the movie starlets do, and dress in a manner that
would not be considered casual or business wear. Why do the movie stars get all dressed up
for awards ceremonies? It's a time for one to attempt to feel as beautiful as possible. You
may be seing alot of emotional salve applied when a TG is having a night out on the town.
Costumes of one form or another have often been used to celebrate a special evening.
Unfortunately, this naturally promotes a sense of "can we do a reality check here?" from those
who dress however they want (or need to) dress, day-in and day-out. If you spent every minute
of the day with me, you would find that while I have numerous formals, I spend the least amount
of my time in them--they're just not practical for every-day wear.
-Crystal
Elizabeth
As any honest TV that looks at herself in the mirror can attest, it is the narcissistic beauty that gets us all excited. The idea that one can take the luxury to prepare for something as frivolous as the Prom and then admire the handywork. It is the ultimate in "girlishness" to fuss over these things in our minds. It's just plain sexy. Besides, what girl didn't want to lose it on Prom night?
Email:
Aurora
Linda
Very rarely a nurse asks about it, cannot understand it, but wanted to
know why i did transform, what mede me do it ect. ones a lesbian nurse who
had a relative transformed from femele to male, asked me about it. she knew
that I was living with another woman, so a lesbian relationship as well, wich
interested her. but even then Cindy, I am not capeble to make people feel
what it is to be a woman who had lived in the wrong body for so long (35
years) even if they are a woman therself, and what more they are nurse, wich
means they should know what can happen with people.
Men are even worse, they have so many problems with there identity, its
hardly to imagine. In the army they are don't talk about it unless you are
part of the unit. altough I have had a great support from my collegs, male
and female. everything worked out perfect. sometimes when you are long
enough working with them they start questioning, I always tell them
everyting, trying to be compleet opnen to them, that realy works you know.
Well i.v excuused me for me bad english ( me dutch is'nt much better...)
love from Els (is short for Elisabeth)
Steve
I know we all go through this cycle, and how should we expect others -
men or women - to understand? This medium is brilliant for
chatting to others and finding out that, at worst, we all have the same
problems. Maybe when we know what the reasons are, we can
tell others who want to know.
There’s also the view that we’re pretty lucky to have
something which can make us happy, every time, no fail.
Elizabeth, Surrey, England
Email to:
A
woman who is just OK when seen in everyday clothes can be transformed into
a thing of incredible beauty with the right formal of after-six dress. I
think the CD experience is much the same. I don't want to be a woman
full time, I just want to experience the feelings of elegance and beauty.
There is no equal in the natural realm of men's clothing to describe the
feel of an expensive after-six dress. The colors, the fabrics and the
accesories make the experience. So, why do we dress in such a dressy
manner ? - it's fun.
----J. Avalos ---
"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery,
none but ourselves can free our minds."
-Bob Marley
Renee, from St. Louis
That does not mean going to the extreme. It does mean, that I am never without my makeup (although never over done). But I must say, I know many biological ladies who feel the same way. My best
girl(since birth)friend, won't even go to the mailbox without lipstick and
mascara on. I sometimes wonder if we only notice "the extreme" look and
perhaps that is why you ask the question. Perhaps you have not noticed the
ladies like myself who simply "blend in"... Just a thought...
Email: Kathee
We supposedly heterosexual crossdressers have much invested in the
belief that we are not gay. We construct impenetrable shields with
mantras such as "I'm not gay, I just like to wear women's clothing", "I'm
expressing my feminine side" or (my personal favorite) "It's just a hobby"
(as if we could give it up, like stamp collecting). While all of these
statements have some validity, I wonder if we often protest too much.
Well, I can't answer the "are transgendered gals all bi?" question. I would, however, like to know why it is sooooo difficult for a nice guy
like myself to meet a lady who wishes to remain pre-op? I'm a blue collar
kinda guy, and while I would love to meet an attractive gal to settle down with I'm constantly striking out. So, if there are any ladies out
there who would like to share their
thoughts with me on this subject, I would appreciate hearing from them.
(Ed. Note: Luther (Washington) has a personals ad where you can reply
privately or you can post publicly here. Usual rules.
Dear Cindy,
Hi,
My name is Heather and I've been dressing since I was 12. I just told my girlfriend about two weeks ago
my girlfriend about two weeks ago. I really want to be Heather all the time. My girlfriend is Bi but I am not. Even if I had SRS I don't Think I would like men. I adore women and always will. I have gone out with some gay people but was not attracted to that lifestyle. Being Heather is all new to me if anyone can help with adjusting write me at Heather. Thanks for reading this
Dear Laurel & Lisa
Publisher
Transgender Forum
If there is such a thing as a heterosexual transgendered person, then I would count myself among them. I do love to dress in women's clothes, and I do find that, especially when I am on-line as my femme self, I am female. But I have n
o attraction to men. I find myself constantly searching for females (genetic girls) that truly understand and appreciate straight cross-dressers. You can apply the term "male lesbian" I think, but that is synonymous with the other terms. I think that un
less someone is a candidate for SRS, then they are members of the gender they were born into. So the term makes sense. Thanks for listening.
You can't put me in a box and stick a label on it. I'm like water--
I'll flow around your definitions.
I am trying to contact Carol Ganow. Please email me should you read this. I plan to be in the Denver area in early August. Love & Kisses. Paul
E-mail: Paul
As someone who is trying to work out for herself what she is, I
would have to say there is a difference between TS's and TV's. Without
getting into a too involved discussion, I would say that some TV's WANT to be women but TS's ARE women.
The comment that 'all transvestites are transexuals except they don't have the guts to do what they really want to do' just serves to be a dis-service to transgendered people trying to figure out where they fall on
that fine line beween WANTING to be a woman and BEING a woman by creating a
false impression that they 'should' be something that they may not be (for
example, what would be your reaction to the question if it was 'all
transexuals are transvestites except they don't have
the guts to crossdress in public'?).
Hi to all from beautiful Florida.
As someone who is trying to work out for herself what she is, I
would have to say there is a difference between TS's and TV's. Without
getting into a too involved discussion, I would say
that some TV's WANT to be women but TS's ARE women.
The comment that 'all transvestites are transexuals except they
don't have the guts to do what they really want to do' just serves to be a
dis-service to transgendered people trying to figure out where they fall on
that fine line beween WANTING to be a woman and BEING a woman by creating a
false impression that they 'should' be something that they may not be (for
example, what would be your reaction to the question if it was 'all
transexuals are transvestites except they don't have
the guts to crossdress in public'?). Not meaning to IFGE-bash, but the
first issue of Tapestry I read had one article that defined things for
newbies .. including essentially defining transvestites the way the above
question asked .. I formed my own opinion of IFGE on the spot when I read
that.
-Kara
I have to agree that the world is not accepting of this. If I was
doing what I wanted, I would go out dressed continue my metamorphosis, but because of what I feel I must do for my family. It is a paralysis that becomes more difficult every day....I'm
changing in my attitudes, and dress, yet I have to be a male figure 'cause that is what they
[both daughters & spouse] expect..I am tired of being whipsawed back and forth....but I have a
tentative plan for the next 4 years to continue this metamorphosis.....I cannot stop in midstream....psychologically, I have begun a change that must see thru to the end....or go interminably insane...OH WELLLLL.........
Ooh... controversial topic, Cindy! Well, in my *very* humble opinion, false.
I enjoy dressing, I enjoy the clothes, the makeup, the whole process; I enjoy
being Ann when I'm dressed. I may even fantasise about being able to live and
work as a woman sometimes. But in my case, I'm still happy to be a guy; happy
to be a guy who likes to dress. No way do I want to lose some of my favourite
parts of myself...
Since I acknowledged my feminine side, I have found it more difficult than
ever to date. Several women at work have expressed an interest, and I'd love
to go out with them,....but, I don't want to deceive them. Telling them
about the lovely pink panties I'm wearing could bring an abrupt halt to our
first date, but is it fair to hide it? To me, it seems like a classic
Catch-22 situation. I hate when that happens. Sigh.
Email:lindacd9@aol.com
I can only speak for myself, I like to swim every once and awhile but that does'nt
make me a fish.
I have recently become very friendly with a MTF transexual. She is a great person and I like her a lot but I have to admit I do find it really difficult walking down the street with her or going into pubs, etc. because of the attention she attracts(mostly negative).
I am not sure if this is true or false. I feel we all battle within ourselves to be either male or female.
With me I know it is hard to imagine being female fulltime because I know I would not have all the memories as
a biological female might have. I wiil never know what it is like to go to a slumber party with my girlfriends or talk on the
phone as a teenage girl and talk about my day and the boys and clothes. I will never know these things.
As someone who has recently discovered what they have repressed for years, I would have to say that transvestism and transgenderism are two distinctly different things; transvestitism seems to be the use of a female identity to express ones female side, but the other half, or greater part of said persons psyche is male, whereas with transgenderism, the greater part of the persons psyche is inherently feminine, and therefore (in my case) the only real solution is surgery. Guts has absolutely nothing to do with it, if a surgeon showed up right now and said "Let's do it", I'd be "OK!". I hear that this can change over time, I can see it, especially after living full time, but personally I think I won't feel quite whole until I fix this "defect" in its entirety.
To be frank, it is not so much that transvestites are transsexuals
but that many TV's are in such a deep state of denial of many things.The
concept of going through with the change is one that can frighten even
the strongest of persons because of the finality of it [barring medical
breakthroughs].
I have to agree that the world is not accepting of this fetish. If I was
doing what I wanted, I would go out dressed tonight but in reality would
lose my job and get beat up most likely.
Robbie
Why is there trouble understanding what TG means?
Why dress like prom night?
Just a thought... I heard someone say tonight that TVism and other compulsions are a way of dealing with depression. Does this go some way to explaining why we get screwed-up if we don't dress?
I think the answer is pretty clear. Prom night is charged with a lot of sexual energy, as a man, I can remember fussing over the girl I was taking to the dance... All the time she took getting ready, how delicate she was, and how much work she went through to squeeze into that dress to look sexy. Not just for me but for the others (male and female) at the dance. As a cross-dresser, the experience from both sides of the fence combine into one exciting, heady cocktail of emotions.
I think people have trouble understanding what a transgendered person is because there's been virtually no discussion of the topic in the mainstream media. The average person thinks in terms of male/female and heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual, with perhaps a rudimentary understanding of the fact that some people crossdress and some people change their sex (thanks to the talk shows). Although we as a community have a wealth of information and support available to us, we have to look for it. I spent years crossdressing and never knew till I got on the net that that the gender spectrum was so diverse and that there is much more to me than a simple desire to dress as a female.
Why, simple, they'have never thought about their own gender identity.
I work as a military nurse in a academic hopital in holland, i'm still learning but alot of the students(civel & military) do not know what gender dysphoria is.
they think that they know it, but they don't. although every student knows i am post-operative, they just do not know and are afraid to ask how about my feelings as a woman.
In hospital the patients know nothing about my past, which can give certain amusing things.
when people say something about their gender, because they do not know what happened to me, i love that, because in that way i can comunicate as a "non-involved" not pre-occupied person.
just because they have not a clue that the nurse who is taking care of them is a post operative sargent-major. if i would told them thy would not believe me anyway.
The persons who do know, mostly keep mum about the subject, and so do I.
Seems like the significant others are not present in any of the
discussions...that may because they would rather ignore the situation than
address it directly. If it's kept in the closet then NO one
knows...right...The main fear it seems is the "queer" notation and
embarrasment in the public eye. The same worries that the the trangendered
individual has. "I am not queer" he or she says. Now I ask all here present,
is that the important question? Probably not. What will make me a complete
person comfortable with me? Only understanding the complex nature of my
being...Ying & Yang. How do we involve our significant others? I certainly
don't know..and will accept any suggestions.
Hi, I'm new here (though long a prolific poster on the Transgen
Listserver: transgen-request@brownvm.brown.edu). I'd like to propose
a theory on transvestism: that the essence of TV'ism is having within one's
one's head an image of (part of) oneself as feminine.
Not necessarily as a woman. And not necessarily an all-encompassing
image (as a transsexual would have). Also not necessarily a visual
image: it could be behavioral or responsive. Dressing the part helps
to reify this image, to give physical reality to the internal sense.
For those who go out in public to pass, the idea is gain further
validation of the internal image by having others in society recongize
it (or, perhaps, to engage the interactive-behavioral portions of the
internal model).
Email:
harrissg@sluava.slu.edu
Why? Probably because we have so much trouble ourselves! I go through
stages of thinking I’m normal, but find clothes sexy... then I think I’m the
most unusual person in the world... then I don’t care and want to
live as a woman full time... then I end up depressed and hating
myself. Most of the time, though, I’m planning my next big adventure and
looking forward to some time Home Alone!
100344.2204@compuserve.com
Prom Night ...... Ah yes, why do we dress so formally at times ? I think most
Cd'ers enjoy being pretty..... some of us more than others. I know that I
do not really enjoy the casual woman's clothing - just doesn't feel
feminine enough. While the aftersix stuff and the formal stuff .....
that's the stuff that define a woman into being elegant and beautiful.
Well speaking as a TV who loves to dress very glamorous. I think it's
because we like to look ever so fine. I enjoy wearing fine gowns and such.
It makes me feel so elegant. I guess to answer the question, I guess since
we weren't able to wear what we wanted to prom in high school, this makes up
Ok...I just enjoy my femme side.
I think we dress like it's always prom night because it expresses the thrill and excitement of coming out at our best into a more mature understanding of our true nature, hopefully on the arm of a wonderful beau.
Prom Queens? Hmm. I have wondered that myself sometimes. Speaking as a
person who lives as a woman and strives to always be her best, I never go to
extremes. Someone once said (I wonder who?) "imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery". Perhaps women should be flattered and not insulted in
that many of we "ladies" prefer the ""GLAM" look. It is never an insult,
just a statement that some of us only get to make once in awhile. I am one
of the lucky ones, in that I can live as a woman and had a hard time even
growing up, passing as a man. So, I must admit that I aspire to be as
"polished" as I can.
I dress like it's "prom night" because it is like that to me in a way.
It's a special occasion and I want to feel special. Since I don't dress
en femme all the time that's the way it is. Each person has her own way
of making herself feel good and if it's "prom night" so be it. In many
ways it's also our way of showing off, just like all the ladies do on prom
night. We want to be at our best when others first see us. As we are seen
by others, we tend to tone down. No longer do we have the need to put our
fanciest foot forward all the time. However, since it is still a ladies
night out, it will definitely be a fancy foot in a high heel always for
me.
Other Comments & Questions?- Email to: cindy@tgforum.com
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