A Letter To A Disapproving Son:

by Sandra Brewer

It is unfortunate you feel my affliction robs you of the father you need; I suppressed it for several years partly to give you this father when I felt you needed him the most. It is perhaps ironic that it was my revelation that helped you to realize an appreciation you had not previously displayed for the 'old' me. This 'old' me is still alive, and will always love you even if you can't accept my lifestyle.

I apologize for the confusion I must have caused you by suppressing my gender afflictions for so many years, and only recently revealing their existence. Still, they have always been there as a major part of my psyche. I was able to suppress them partly because I knew of no outlet for them 20 years ago, and partly because another part of me wanted to be the father in a family held together by love. Credit my mother for planting this seed in me. The love I have as a father for my children will always be there, even if part of it must be from afar.

The situation has changed now. The family has grown up and moved on. The gender community provides an excellent outlet for new members as well as a social outlet for established members. At your request I have spared you the details, but I am solidly into this lifestyle - deeper than you could imagine. The rest of the family knows most of these details which I am ready to discuss if you show any interest.

I am not proud of my lifestyle, although I do take pride in some of the things I've accomplished while living it. Neither am I ashamed of it; it doesn't break any laws or violate anyone, so I am not apologizing for it. It's not clear why I have this affliction in the first place, only that it started very early, and it won't go away. The whole idea of gender identity is only a social construction, so it is purely a value judgement to reject anyone because of it.

It will have to be your decision to accept me as a person even if you still can't accept my lifestyle. I sympathize with the difficulty you are having with this, although I did not anticipate it. It has been my experience the ones having the hardest time with this are the macho 'rednecks'. Most Women, and men of intellect (such as yourself), that I've known can handle it without much trouble; but I realize it is harder when it hits so close to home.

My gender identity is as much a part of me as the color of my skin (which can't be changed as easily as hair color). I don't see how we can ever be close in any practical sense unless you learn to accept me in spite of our differences. Ask yourself why you feel so strongly against gender dysphoria; do you really even know anything about it. If your feelings don't change, we have no recourse but to get on with our (respective) lives.

Love, Dad


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