Dear Rachael,




I have to talk to somebody.



What is inside me is tearing me up terribly. . . and it has for years.

Privately I dress as a Woman.

I mean, I get as anatomically correct as I possibly can and attempt to look as feminine as possible. I am heterosexual. When I am "dressed" as they say, I feel almost totally like a woman. Not just physically, but inside as well. I feel desirable. I feel sensual. I don't feel that way as a man. I am so torn up inside. My best clothes are for the feminine side of me. I have got to tell someone who understands and tell it in confidence. . .
R

Dear R,

First of all, you are not alone. There are many of us out there who could have written your letter at one point in our lives, myself included.

Yes, our feminine wardrobe far surpasses our masculine one (smiling happily). It is important that you find a support group and there are many out there. They're listed on the Web, BBSs and the like. There are classy magazines, such as Tapestry (POB 229, Waltham, Mass 02154-0229) that will put you in touch with others as well as help you understand yourself better. National organizations such as I.F.G.E. and TriEss are available also. There is probably an organization in your own town. CompuServe has a couple of forums dedicated to gender issues.

More than likely these feelings will not go away and there is a pretty good likelihood that they may become stronger. Seek counseling, if you came afford to do so. Here again, it is not that you have to be "cured." You are just fine; you just may need help in accepting yourself for the lovely person that you are . . . as you are! (Smile)


Dear Rachael,

Please help me. I am 17 and I love to dress in women's clothing and that's not good for a guy. No one knows, but I want to be more open and I want to dress like a woman at home and wear lipstick and other make-up. I am afraid that my parents and brother will kill me if I do. . . I also want to become a female, do you know the best way of going about that?

Dear Sweet Seventeen,

You are not alone, however it is a tough long road that you must journey. First, you are seventeen and living at home, I presume. Until you reach the age of majority, age 18, my advice would be to cool it, at least outwardly. When you are 18, get a job, your own place and pursue your life as you choose. Will your parents, brother and other people close to you, object? Maybe, but you will be on your own.

On the other hand, you just might be surprised how supportive they may be. All that will remain a question until the day of telling.

Seek professional help. No, you are not crazy. You are as sane as we are, your sisters. You will, however, have to clarify your feelings and the direction in life that you will eventually will take. Counselors are out there that can help you in coming to grips with the issues and making those decisions. Should you decide to become a woman, you will be required to live as a woman for two years before a Psychiatrist can clear you for that surgery. While group therapy can bring the cost of treatment down, the surgery can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $20,000. Ouch (literally and proverbially)!

Meantime look for support organizations in your area, via bulletin board services, the net, etc.. There are a lot out there. Take it slow.


Need someone to talk to? Haven't ever told anyone about yourself before? Feeling alone?

Rachael Dettmer is a long-time member of ETVC and worked the ETVC Hotline for many years. If you'd like to talk to her by e-mail, in strict confidence, drop a line to Cindy and she will pass on the note.

Nothing will appear in Rachael's column or anywhere else in Transgender Forum without YOUR written permission.


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