By Julie Freeman


Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the transgender community for over seven years, particularly with the significant others and couples groups. Julie has contributed too the "Other Voices" column of the ETVC newsletter and also writes articles on gender issues for the DVG newsletter (Devil Woman),Tapestry Magazine, and the Femme Mirror. She is ETVC's current Member of the Year. Having attended many conferences around the country, Julie along with Donna, her spouse, CO-founder of DVG and former Secretary and Membership Chair for ETVC, is now helping to organize California Dreaming' next year in San Francisco.


Real Men

A theory has emerged which we in the gender community have known for eons: in fulfilling society's expectations of what it is to be male, men are literally killing themselves.

"It's gendercide," says James Temple. "The current system is not healthy for men or for women", said Temple, an associate psychology professor at St. Mary's College. "...the system men have been protecting is costing them their lives. It's time to look at the traditional male role and to recognize that we have something to gain by becoming enlightened."

The average male dies seven to eight years younger than women. Although genetic factors do play a role, a significant amount is attributed to the traditional male role behavior.

That behavior is comprised of five elements: anti-femininity ("don't be like a girl"); success (competition as a general philosophy of life); aggressiveness; sexuality (battlefield mentality)' and self-reliance (the need to be cool, unflappable, tough, and in control).

We are all aware of the typical TYPE A personality these striving driven individuals are at higher risk for stress-related illnesses, including heart disease, cancer, accidents, injuries, and asthma.

Most men may choose the traditional male role, but they should spend time understanding that role and they should learn the costs and benefits associated with those roles, says Temple.

Interestingly, men in the gender community seem to be the "real men" because they have learned to change their attitudes toward gender and therefore their behavior. They know that by altering gender attitudes, they can cut, if nothing else, their coronary rate.

Even their wives are learning. When stressed out, the best advice we wives can give seems to be, "Go put on a dress and RELAX." Wouldn't it be wonderful if that could become standard medical advice. It is hard to believe that men are really happy in the traditional male role; they have just been conditioned to believe that. Now seems to be the time to change that!

(This article originally appeared in the Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)


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