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July 1998 - Online Edition


What's Hot For July:

May Queens In The Light

Trannies in the Endzone

Interview With the Barrister, Part 2

Those Glorious Days Of Yesteryear..

Book Review Mom, I Need to Be A Girl

TS Races the Good Ol' Boys

News Transmissions

Upcoming Meetings and Local Events

July 11: Del Dorr, Xenogeny

August 8: Cookout

September 12: Skin Care with Patty Bowers

October 10: 4th Annual Halloween Party

November 14: Dr. Bill Turner, Lesbian & Gay Coalition for Justice

December 12: 6th Annual Anniversary/Holiday Party

Future Board Meetings: July 23, August 27, September 24

Tennessee Vals Special Events:

Friday, July 17, Dinner, Commerce Street Bar and Grille, Renaissance Hotel (611 Commerce Street), 7 pm


Her Majesty, The Queen, Marisa

The Queen's Throne

By Marisa Richmond

Good Times, Bad Times, you know I've had my share, but getting to see Jimmy Page & Robert Plant recently at the Nashville Arena definitely counts among the former. The two had never performed in Nashville together although Percy had been here twice as a solo artist. I had always managed to miss their previous tours back in the 1970s, so not knowing How Many More Times they might tour, and concerned that this could be their Swan Song, I had to catch them this time.

I bought the tickets at the Castner-Knott in Green Hills Mall on the day they went on sale. I was willing to get there early to ensure getting good seats, figuring if I procrastinated and the tickets were in the nosebleed section, it would be Nobody's Fault But Mine. I was also worried about the crowds since tickets to see the Spice Girls went on sale the same day, but fortunately, I was not Trampled Under Foot by teenyboppers.

Naturally, I did not go alone. The May Queen herself, Jenni, accompanied me. Since we live on opposite sides of town, getting together presented several options. We could have arranged to meet downtown, but to avoid any Communication Breakdown, we met early In the Evening at my Shangri-la beneath the summer moon instead. I preferred to do so figuring that if we drove from Jenni's home in the land of the midnight sun where the hot springs blow, we might absentmindedly take the Shelby Street exit and find ourselves wondering `Where's that confounded bridge?' The weather was nice out, so I did not have to go With a purple umbrella and a fifty cent hat.

It's been a long time since I rock and rolled, but from the opening riffs of "The Wanton Song," this show was no Heartbreaker. It would have pulled anybody from the darkest depths of Mordor. I felt so high, most high. Interestingly, Pagey is now sporting a Whole Lotta Love handles, but who doesn't at the age of 54? (!) Now, there were a couple of amusing incidents. The first came as we prepared to go In Through the Out Door when we were directed towards the Ladies' frisker. Later after we found our seats, we were recognized by one of the Arena staff....a member of the Vals! I know some of you are probably wondering why we were willing to do such a thing. Not only were the two legendary for hanging out with drag queens in Royal Orleans, but they also posed in drag themselves in 1974 for George Harrison and Stevie Wonder (well, OK, maybe just for George....) which you can see on Physical Graffiti. So if you're thinking that's fine for you, but Hey Hey What Can I Do? Just remember, Your Time is Gonna Come too. And That's the Way it oughta be.

Recently, we happened to receive the two best newsletters on the same day: ETVC Channel and Transgender Community News & Views (formerly Renaissance News & Views). They discussed two closely related items that I felt were worth mentioning. First, I flipped through ETVC's newsletter and read several columns and letters about their current financial crisis. This is one of the oldest, well established groups in the country (and is reportedly also the largest), so their current debt of over $2000 is surprising. Then as I read the column by Dina Amberle (who still owes me a wrist radio and magic decoder ring ) in the Renaissance publication, she surmised that many groups around the country are struggling due to the competition from the Internet. There are many transgendered people for whom chat rooms are a viable, comfortable alternative to joining support groups and actually encountering people face to face. I hope Dina is wrong, but the problems confronting ETVC now, Renaissance last year, and many other groups throughout the country suggest she may be on to something. I have stated previously that I much prefer personal interaction to chat rooms. I think support groups and conventions are extremely educational and a lot of fun and, in my opinion, computer talk just cannot replace the human touch. I have long urged regular readers of my column via the Internet to get out and get involved in your community. In my opinion, it is the only way we can grow and end the misinformation about us and the discrimination directed towards us. Do what thou wilt. So mete it Be.

Like everyone else, I have my share of pet peeves. They include those who don't listen, people who make commitments and don't meet them, bad drivers (people who refuse to use turn signals or stop at intersections in the crosswalk), people who park in handicapped spots who don't need them, and morning people--and all of you who have ever called me cheerfully before noon know who you are. But the item for which I have absolutely No Quarter is, obviously, bigotry. I was disappointed in all the recent complimentary eulogies of the Barry Goldwater which ignored his vehement opposition to civil rights in the 1960s. However, we not only have to fight against all the judgmental bigots who do not feel equality should be extended to all, we also need to identify hypocritical bigotry within the gender community. Over the years, I have been appalled at the number of people who demand acceptance and yet treat the word "diversity" as if it is some obscenity.

Last month, I criticized the use of generalizations and stereotypes. Using them is often counterproductive and can do more harm than good. One issue that some in the community think about is trying to increase our diversity. Sadly, some do not feel it is important and do not wish to make any effort to increase it even as they claim we exist in all groups and cultures and cross all lines. But others who do promote diversity sometimes fall into the trap of using generalizations based on inaccurate stereotypes. One of the most distressing arguments I have often seen repeated is that there is a lack of ethnic diversity within support groups and conventions because most cannot afford to join. While it is well documented that continued economic discrimination keeps a higher percentage of non-whites at the bottom of the socio-economic ladder, it is worth noting that the majority of those who are non-white are middle-class. The constant repeating of this refrain is probably due more to naïveté than bigotry, but it is based on stereotypes promoted by racists and suggests that the gender community has just as far to go in race relations as the rest of society.

In my numerous meetings and correspondence with others like me who are not of 100% European descent, the most common concern is that nobody likes to be the only one from a particular cultural group. Financial limitations have never been mentioned as an excuse for why people do not even bother to join local groups. Even if one does get the nerve to contact a group and attend a meeting, they are sometimes greeted with by some pretty ignorant remarks. I have even heard such things at Vals meetings. Our society is plagued by cultural divisions. Some people develop myths with which they are comfortable even if those myths have no basis in reality, and they bring those attitudes with them into gender groups. Now, this month marks two very important anniversaries. First, 150 years ago, a Declaration of Sentiments was issued at a convention in Seneca Falls, New York, organized by Lucretia Mott and Elizabeth Cady Stanton, arguing for social and political equality for women. Then 50 years ago, President Harry Truman ordered the desegregation of the military, an act he described as the "greatest thing that ever happened to America". The struggles for sexual and racial equality have had to overcome notions of inferiority or beliefs in a "place" for certain groups. While some outmoded ideas have been set aside, many closed-minded attitudes remain (as seen in the annual statement of idiocy by the Southern Baptists who recently insisted that all wives must submit to their husbands), and some of them within our own community. The gender community should no longer attempt to absolve itself of responsibility by wiping its hands clean and denying the existence of racism within its many groups.

While you are spending the summer waiting for the Superhype to begin about the release of Titanic on video, there are three recent releases with gender themes worth mentioning: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, which features the Lady Chablis, Different for Girls, and Ma Vie En Rose. I mentioned this third film in May and I recommend it.

All My Love.

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Miss Jenni

Wigged Out

By Jennileigh Love

Time Flies

July brings another anniversary to the Vals. This month, we celebrate 3 years online. Yes, we were on the World Wide Web when the Web wasn't cool (isn't that a country song?). Once again, we must thank JoAnn Roberts of Creative Design Services and Cindy Martin and Jamie Faye Fenton of Transgender Forum (a.shameless.plug.com) for providing our web space for FREE all of those years. For last months column, I also failed to recognize the anniversary of my coming out. It's been over four years since I walked into my first Vals meeting. It's been a long, strange journey but a good one. I still haven't picked a destination for the trip, but at least I know I'm on the right road.

Back in May, I was asked to be an usherette in a holy union. The lucky couple in question were some sweet friends of mine from Stonewall Mission Church. These two ladies had been together for ten years and wanted to state their love for one another publicly and officially. I helped with decorations, food and cleanup. It was interesting to be in on the work traditionally done by females at weddings and, out of my respect for all women, I must say I was very tired by the end of the day. It's hard work putting a wedding together. After all this was over, I realized that I had lived a fantasy that many MTF transwomen have, that is, being in a wedding. I wasn't the bride, but I was in the wedding party, and wore a corsage and everything. I want to thank Esther and Carol for asking me to help with the union. It was my pleasure

In June, Marisa and I (as I'm sure you have read earlier) ventured out to see two-thirds of the remaining three-fourths of Led Zeppelin. Jimmy Page and Robert Plant made the Nashville Arena one of their stops on their latest tour and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see these rock legends. The pair had a great rapport with the audience and blasted through LedZep classics as well as material from their latest album. Did I mention that we were both dressed femme for the show? At the gates, we were even body searched in the women's line (luckily the girl didn't search in one particular place!). We encountered no problems the entire evening and had a great time. Oh well, I mustn't Ramble On

Jocko Homo

I was recently amused by some comments made by a few of our Vals members. It seems that when we gather at our monthly meetings, many of us in our conversation do not dwell on things most feminine. Yes, many of us do have other interests outside heels and pantyhose, and if we want to talk about baseball or football there's nothing wrong with that. It has been an exciting year for professional sports here in Nashville, and I consider myself to be a sports fan. There has been a lot to talk about. The Tennessee Oilers, after a brief waste of time in Memphis, will be playing here this fall. The Nashville Kats came last year bringing arena football to town. The NHL threw the Nashville Predators into our laps. Additionally, we have received a women's pro basketball team in the American Basketball League (ABL) that will begin playing here in the fall. Peyton Manning and the University of Tennessee Lady Vols certainly made college sports in Tennessee exciting this year. If we want to talk about sports, what's to stop us? There seems to be a question of gender thinking here. There are some people that compartmentalize the gender experience. When they are male, they are exclusively male, and when they transform into their female selves, they are ultrafemme, and sometimes even stereotypically female. Such thinking reinforces the binary gender system that is preached by society. By trying to fit ourselves into society, we buy into the system whether we realize it or not.

I've always said, if you're going to be a woman, at least don't be a bimbo, and if you're going to be a man, don't be a chauvinist pig. I myself, have had enough of the compartmentalization of my life and prefer to integrate the masculine and feminine aspects of my life. After all, that's what anyone who wishes to go through with the gender reassignment surgery will eventually have to do. You will not be able to completely drop the detritus of your previous life and begin totally anew, unless your transition falls under extremely unusual circumstances. And why would you want to take all the knowledge, experience and wisdom of a "previous life" and toss it?

So my advice for integrating the two sides? I can at least advise for the male-to-female community. Find ways in which you can take part of your "female side" and put them in the male side. If you have hair, maybe you could grow it to have a more feminine hairstyle. Get those ears pierced everyone has piercings these days (not always in the earlobes!). Wear earrings, even when you're not en femme. Instead of wearing the elaborate corsetry and heavy duty figure shapers (not that there's anything wrong with enjoying them), work out, and make that slim figure you want a reality, and not something you order from a catalog.

And yes, if you like sports, keep liking them. If you like motorcycles, cars, computers, woodwork or whatever your interests are, keep doing them. What's wrong with a gal that loves her customized hot rod? Hobbies should be genderless. I myself am a big sci-fi fan (a genderless hobby) and have a huge comic book collection (a mostly male-oriented hobby). I also love painting and drawing (genderless), and sewing (female-oriented), caving (genderless), exercise (genderless) and computers (genderless). And yes, I love to watch sports.

The new ABL women's basketball team is symbolic of this gender integration. Women can be simultaneously athletic and attractive, aggressive and still feminine, and strong but not butch. Anyone who watched the University of Tennessee Lady Vols fight their way to this year's NCAA championship saw the power of women. UT Coach Pat Summit made the cover of Sports Illustrated, a bastion of male culture. Instead of encouraging each other with the usual shoulder slaps and butt pats of the male basketball players, our Lady Vols would do the "air kiss", pretending to kiss each other on the cheek. You would never see the guys do this (except for maybe Dennis Rodman).

If you feel like going to a ball game when you're all decked out femme, Is It So Strange? Isn't that what puts the "trans" in transgender? Why not cross over the line more than once? And who says there has to be a line anyway? And why on earth do you want to limit your gender expression in the role you're moving into? Aren't the limitations what we are all trying to get away from? So, yeah, you may find me a few rows back in the cheap seats at Predators games this fall. How I'm dressed is irrelevant. I may be in full makeup, or just a long-haired genderbender, but I'll still be there.

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Left of Center

By Pamela DeGroff

Editor's Note: This is Part 2 of Pamela's interview with

Houston TG lawyer Phyllis Frye. See the June Newsletter for Part 1.

Q: It has been said that the Gender community is in the same position the larger Gay/Lesbian community was 20 years ago. Any thoughts on this?

A: I think that was true maybe two years ago. But with the use of the Internet, the education coming from the annual ICTLEP conference and the movement to inclusion, I believe that now we are only 3 to 5 years behind and that is mostly in money. We have the organizations and the sophistication, but we have not yet gotten the money raising machine in order to support the number of hired professional advocates that are needed to fight this full time. That is why I finally got out. Being on the point since 1975, AND having to make a living at the same time, finally got me down. If being on point had been my paid job with a paid staff to work through the details, I'm sure that I would still be going. But unpaid folks finally run out of gas. One other thing is that much of the gay/lesbian success has been via the work of TG folks who initially thought that they were included in the g/l struggle. This inclusion thing has been a huge 6 year detour that should never have had to happen and took lots of resources that could otherwise have moved us all, LGBT, further than we are.

Q: One issue that's been getting a lot of coverage lately is that of hate crimes. Are there any statistics available in regards to the hate crimes against the transgendered community, as opposed to the larger gay/lesbian community?

A: I've talked with TGs who have been attacked and when the cops come, the statistics are always a gay/lesbian hate crime. Therefore, we have no or little data.

Q: With President Clinton speaking out on this issue, do you see his concern having any real input or are we several years away from positive action?

A: I do not know. What I do know is that whatever happens, it will come quicker and better if more folks would simply come OUT.

Q: Speaking of legislative issues, I'd like to know your thoughts on ENDA.

A: I put employment into the name of ICTLEP because if TG folks could keep or get a comparable job, they could survive all the other discrimination and hurt they face. Employment is the key. Karen Kerin and I went to DC in July 1994 to testify on ENDA. That was when we learned that TG folks had been considered but then deliberately omitted. Even worse, we did not even know that the decisions to omit us were being made. We learned then that HRC was the leader on ENDA and the leader on keeping TG folks out. Despite all of the movement and words made by HRC to date, I still see HRC as being the leader of keeping TG folks out of ENDA. This is essential to us all. To be deliberately omitted initially was a mistake,. To continue to remain deliberately omitted is cruel.

Q: On a more professional level, I'd like to ask you what you faced when you started transition. The legal profession has always been male dominated, so I assume you must have been through some rough times.

A: Actually, my problem was with the military and the engineering community. Before I transitioned, I was a career military officer. During a divorce, the word got out that I was mentally TG, and they began to process me out. This was 1972. Since I was neither infantry, armor, or artillery, I could easily have done my duty in 1972 in either gender. It was a real waste of taxpayer money. I received a four year college education, got an extra year for a masters, got time in grad for that year to begin active duty just three weeks short of promotions from 2LT to 1LT and had the government subsidize my housing, food, and birth of my child. For all of that the taxpayer got 20 months of active duty. I threatened to make noise if I got less than an honorable discharge. After it was over, I used my GI Bill to buy my home and also to go back to school and get an MBA and a law degree. When I transitioned, I was a licensed engineer in three states with two engineering degrees and six years experience. I was a project manager in a refinery and managed over twenty jobs totaling many millions of dollars. As I began to transition, they did not like the queer appearance of my hair, eyebrow, and fingernails and fired my ass. I filed with the EEOC, after an extensive investigation was told that I'd been discriminated against, but that it was not illegal. So I came out and was ostracized by the engineering community. I attended professional meetings and professional engineering conventions to demonstrate that I did not drool in public and was presentable and still possessing a mind, but found nothing. I remained unemployed for four years. In the early 1980s I began an AMWAY business, selling commercial cleaning products to gay bars. I also met two gay architects who gave me engineering work. During that time, I went into law school. Law school was difficult, but survivable. As a lawyer, I could hang out a shingle and get individual folks to hire me. I've done okay. I am respected at the courthouse, and have been the cause for most of the gay/lesbian attorneys to come out down at the courthouse. Their going theory is that if Phyllis TG can come out and make it, then any ordinary g/l can too.

Q: What advice would you give to anyone, in any profession, who is going to transition?

A: Personal advice-be proud, look them in the eye and do it. Legal advice-make sure you have all of your personal records at home with all promotions, evaluations and company policies on hire/fire/ Have a listing with name, phone and address of everyone you work with and for. Inquire of your attorney if your state allows you to record your own conversations, and if so, do so. You cannot record an illegal firing AFTER it is done. Hire an attorney and raise bloody hell if fired. Don't quit. If you do, then you cannot get unemployment.

Q: What about professional life after transition?

A: If you can get your personal shit together and be proud of who you are, and of who you were and remain OUT of the closet, you will find, over the long haul, that life is FANTASTIC. Same for professional life! I should know. I did all of this beginning back in 1976. As hard as it was, life is great now. I have no secrets, nothing to fear, no lies to remember.

Q: There has been some talk about extending the RLT to two years. Thoughts?

A: I have no problem with that. I do not understand the rush to surgery anyway. Some folks who do not finish their electrolysis, hormone alterations, living, spiritual, family and employment situations, think that because they have something new and different between their legs, then these other situations will automatically get better. That is stupid thinking. Surgery when you dont have the other stuff lined up and resolved

simply adds another layer to the difficulty. The problem is that folks rush to surgery think that they can get their legal ID changed and all will be better. Two things to consider: 1.) How do things change because you rush to change what is between your legs, when most of society will never see it anyway? 2.)Rather than rush, why not get the legal system to change the legal ID early in the program, so that the transition is easier and surgery finally becomes an uncoerced choice?

Q: Any last thoughts?

A: 1) Come out! 2)In November, after Katrina has graduated and if she passes the Texas Bar Examination, I will no longer be the sole and only out TG attorney in Texas. That is something to celebrate!!!

Author's closing thought: I'd really like to thank Phyllis for doing this interview. We met back in January 1998 when she came to Nashville for a law conference. This was the weekend of the Mid-Winter's Night Fund Raiser. the Tennessee Vals invited Phyllis and the other two TG attorneys with her to be our guests for the evening. As usual, I overdid it by getting involved in too much stuff. I had already contacted Phyllis earlier about doing the interview, but just ran out of time and energy. I'm very pleased to have met someone who can definitely be considered one of the movers and shaker in the Transgendered Movement. I hope you've enjoyed this, and I hope it provided some insight and information. We can use more people like Phyllis.

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Anne

Behind Blue Eyes

By Anne Casebeer

And Now, We Return To Those Glorious Days Of Yesteryear..

Sorry, folks. I heard a rumor that a whole bunch of you have been waiting for your chance to throw rotten eggs and old tomatoes at the newsletter editor, and I haven't been around to do my Dominik Hasek imitation. I don't like missing meetings, but, as I've stated before, my place of business does not close on weekends, and that sometimes interferes with my attendance. Reason number 2 intervened in June: my parents' health took a turn for the worse, after an 8-month period of relative stability, and staying close seemed to be the reasonable way to go. I do hope that I can see all of you in July, and if you are still planning on hurling fermenting produce at me, please choose yeast, hops, and barley, since I can put them to good use.

Looking back, I've been on the soapbox a lot lately, putting heel marks and black streak marks on its finish, along with the chunks of skin missing from my leg, caused by my inevitable missteps. So, for this month, instead of standing on the soapbox, I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor, 25 or 6 to 4, and I feel like somehow finding a way to teleport us back to my wasted childhood. On that note, I'd like for you, the reader, to imagine yourself to be back in the early-to-mid 1970s, in a black-lit basement room, psychedelic green and purple Grateful Dead concert posters on the walls, seated in a brown beanbag, discussing the burning essence of our transgenderism. This is a place where there are no rules, where authority is questioned, and you may relax and mellow out. So, imagine a set of wind chimes at the sides of your head, relax, and enjoy the music, because it's now 1976....except that you know everything you know in 1998.

In my mind's eye, I can see myself at age 16, a tall, thin self - absorbed youth with long brown hair and perpetually red eyes. I was obsessed with music, my '67 Barracuda Formula S, scoring weed, obtaining a fake ID, and how the heck I was going to get tickets to the sold-out Zeppelin concert in Freedom Hall. Except one thing: instead of being the nondescript guy with thick glasses, boobs, an Allman Brothers Band T-shirt, and bell bottoms; I wanted to be the tall girl with the long brown hair, jean skirt, same T-shirt, and the clear lip gloss that was the fashion in the mid-70's. Could I have passed then? I wonder what would have happened if I'd tried. It probably would have been safer than some of the crazy things I did and poisonous substances I ingested. First of all, I might have gotten away with it on the local level. I was already known to the neighborhood as a "closet queen," although I didn't know that until years later. I wasn't fooling anyone when I spent summer days with my parents at work, made up and clothed in front of the stereo. I was notably unsuccessful at getting those last few remnants of lipstick and mascara off, and they were noticed when I went out in the afternoon to pitch baseball. My first attempt at purchasing clothing was observed by a co-worker of my mom's at the Zayre's store a half mile from home; they even watched me stuff the clothes and makeup that I'd bought for my "sister" into the panniers on my Schwinn for the ride home. Of course, it was reported to everyone within a 5-mile area. Mom found my hiding place (a suspended ceiling tile in the basement was left askew once) a short time thereafter, and didn't tell me, so I thought I was being sly. In fact, she told me that she'd looked up transvestism in the medical books at the doctor's office she worked in, and found that I wasn't dangerously crazy, so she let me slide without facing the humiliation. I think she was just relieved that I never tried to get into the only "gay" bar at the time in Louisville, Harlow's, which was walking distance from home; the thought never occurred to me at the time. It's ironic that my mom knew what I was, but I didn't have a clue. I was ridiculed for being effeminate and girlish in school, and had few friends, so I'm certain the word was out about me around my school. As far as I thought, I was just a lonely freak who craved acceptance. Of course, reality intervened, and I had to face the reality of facing life as a guy.

Reality is defined one of 4 ways in my trusty Webster's New World Dictionary. It can be the quality and fact of being real; a person or thing that is real i.e. fact; the quality of being true to life, fidelity to nature; that which is real - in reality - in fact, actually. The common thread here is the connection to that which is factual. What a dictionary cannot help you with is finding what is truthful and factual about your own existence. Things aren't always what they appear to be, and human beings tend to put the best spin on things that they can, whether or not they are conscious of doing so. As a result, I don't make even relatively minor decisions without agonizing over the decision for a long time. For this one, I must face a number of historical facts that I can't erase. Had the chance been offered to me to arrest male development with HRT in my teen years, I probably wouldn't have hesitated. I can only imagine how I'd look today if I'd been able to avoid the beard, the body hair, hairline recession, blah blah. But, in terms of passability, the things I could have e controlled would have had more effect. I could have watched what I ate and drank; at one time in my life, I ballooned to 360 pounds, and reducing to my present 240 took massive effort and a lot of exertion. 180 would be about the level I'd need to get to. My voice was once something that earned me compliments and applause, but I ruined it in a restaurant kitchen in Florida. Today, I love to sing, but even on my best days, I can't come close to the control, range, and tone I once took for granted. If I still had my 1976 voice, a convincing femme voice would have been easy; today, it's occasionally possible, but not consistent. My left knee was trashed in a schoolyard while playing football, rendering me permanently unable to comfortably cross my legs in any feminine manner, not to mention making tall heels a suicidal move. I used to cut and burn my hands at work in restaurant kitchens and wear the scars as badges of honor; now, I look at my swollen, gnarly paws and know that they get me read. Still, I don't let the above stop me from getting out, I know that I'm viewed as exactly what I am by a healthy percentage of people. Is that acceptable? Sure, it's reality, and I can't change that.

Life's experiences are nothing to regret or trade away. Like many of you, I engaged in more than my share of wild, crazy, and dangerous behavior. I raced cars, both legally and illegally (Yeah, right, I was really going to own a 383 Barracuda and not enjoy blowing wimpy Camaros and Mustangs into the weeds). I've partied to the extent of watching walls melt, passing out, blah blah blah, and turned my back on that whole lifestyle without a care. I've flown aircraft, bungee-jumped, owned a bar and a yacht - believe me, you can't afford to be both a crossdresser and a yachtsman unless you are a Rockefeller or Getty. Still, for some reason, the safest, healthiest form of "aberrant" behavior I've indulged in during my 39 years on this rock was the one that I was always most terrified of. What was I, why did I need to dress like a girl, even though I looked nothing like the one I wished I could someday resemble in public. How could I have not feared the possible consequences of driving an 8-year old Plymouth over 135 MPH on an unopened stretch of deserted freeway (OK, it was somewhere between 130 and the trip odometer reset shaft, but who could tell) more than the consequences of going out to a restaurant or movie in a skirt and makeup? Why did I fear public humiliation and ridicule more than the threat of physical injury or permanent harm? I'd already faced that a number of times, as we all have, for the stupid and crazy things most of us have done in the course of growing up. In retrospect, I was crazy, but perhaps I was working up the nerve to face my real demon, in some subconscious sense. It's still dangerous, but it has a face and form now. It's like a high-performance fighter plane with sensitive controls; I know its specifications, but I'm not entirely certain how far its envelope extends.

The time has come to return to present. I can't relive the past except in memories. I wouldn't want to, actually, except to recapture my youth and be open about my transgenderism much earlier in life. The knowledge of what I have always been is comforting to know now. Yet, I don't know how far I have to go yet, that's still to be determined, and we'll just have to ride the tiger a bit to find out. I do know this much: I spend more and more time femme and operate more and more openly as time goes by. I know I get read, but I seem to be accepted in society as a transgendered person, and that's the best that most of us can hope for. The world and I had to have the 20 + years of ongoing experience to arrive at the point we stand at today. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to flip over Chicago at Carnegie Hall, and turn off the lava lamp.....

Freedom and Mascara!


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Speaking of Books

by Phyllis Frye

Book Review: Mom, I Need To Be a Girl

By Just Evelyn

I wish I'd had this book to give to my parents and siblings and other relatives in 1976, the year that I transitioned. Or maybe even before. I don't know if it would have made a difference with some, but I think it would have helped with most, and it would have made my life a lot easier for sure.

Mom, I Need To Be a Girl is written by a the parent of a teenaged son who soon became a teenaged daughter. The author, Just Evelyn, is a friend that I met at the second International Conference on Transgender Law and Employment Policy in 1993. Evelyn had called me several months prior, seeking legal advice for dealing with her teenaged transgendered. As I told her then, she was welcome to the conference, but at that time we were timid about dealing with anyone under eighteen. You just never knew what the fanatic, religious right, conservatives would do, so we mostly told them to call us back when they became eighteen years old. That was 1993.

Evelyn's book, just released this month, will certainly be a good guide for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins who love and recognize that their family member is, at age eight or ten, twelve or fourteen, and has been socially trapped in the wrong gender role. There is a lot of love in this book. And there is a lot of searching and soul searching as well. I do not understand why family members feel guilty when they learn of a loved one being transgendered, but they often do, and this book will certainly help in that area as well.

One of the things that I admire so about Evelyn is that she is not afraid to sound-off at those in the so-called "helping professional" area who do not really help, but charge a fee to transgender clients who then educate those professionals or serve as research data and are provided little actual help. Evelyn blasts several. She also takes the reader step by step through all of

the challenges, including school, restrooms and gym class. She also has a good list of references in the back.

The last time I visited with Evelyn was while I was in San Diego for a conference. Just because Evelyn's daughter has grown up and gone on into the world of adulthood, does not mean that Evelyn has forgotten how to care. She still reaches out to assist community members who are deeply closeted and need someone to to talk to who is safe (from police and the toughs who might

assault them). She shares an extensive video library of talk shows and others where the TG issue has been expressed. She even has my appearance on the "Phil Donahue Show" from 1991.

I want to say now that I would not really want to change anything about my past life. Every cause had its effect, and if I changed anything, I'd not be legally, same-sex married to my wonderful Trish (silver anniversary is only two months from tomorrow), and I'd not have my wonderful son and his wife and

our grandchild. But I do know that if this book had come out in the mid 1960's and if my parents had read and understood (a real key, yes) it, maybe I would not have been so fearful when they discovered my crossdressing back in 1965. It was my high school senior year when my stash of womens underclothes was discovered. You could cut my parents' homophobia with dull knife: it

permeated the air. I knew that I had to tell them it was just an experiment, for I feared that the truth would have caused me to become a homeless youth and on the street at 17.

I hope that you will purchase and use Evelyn's book. Send it to any parent who is having trouble. Send it to PFLAG Chapters so maybe they will see that TG work belongs in their mission statement as well. It is a very good tool. Send $10 (inclusive of tax and s/h) to Just Evelyn, 3707 Fifth Ave #413, San

Diego, CA 92103, 1-800-666-8158, www.justevelyn.com. I hope that the mother of an FTM child writes a similar good book soon.

Have courage.


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Racing He Now A She

By Larry Woody

For years, race driver J.T. Hayes' biggest worry when he crashed wasn't that he had injured himself - it was that medics would discover that he was wearing women's underwear and pink toenail polish.

Since 1992, that hasn't been a problem. That's when J.T. underwent a sex-change operation, and became Terri O'Connell. She had spent the previous 29 years of her life as J.T. Hayes, a successful stock car driver who once raced in NASCAR's premier Winston Cup division.

Now, she's a Charlotte, N.C. model and aspiring actress who was recently featured in Newsweek and The New York Times, and will be profiled in an upcoming edition of People magazine. But, although her body is different, in her heart, she's still a racer. "I'd love to race again," O'Connell said in a telephone interview. I'll drive anything with 4 wheels - IndyCar, NASCAR, anything.

Doors aren't exactly flying open. "It has been difficult since I decided to go public a couple of years ago," she said. "Racing has always been a very closed sport for women and it's especially closed to me." O'Connell is writing a book, Pink, Blue, and Checkered about her unique career experiences. "I've been through hell," she said. "I can provide some insights into racing, having seen it both as a man and as a woman."

"It's not something I'm ashamed of. I'm a model and actress who was born a boy. Since I was 3 years old, I knew I was really a girl. It was a physical problem, not a mental or moral problem."

After the sex change operation, O'Connell stayed close to racing in a different way. "I've attended galas and social events at the Charlotte Motor Speedway Club in an evening gown," she said. "I've socialized with drivers and other NASCAR officials I used to hang around with when I was a guy, and they never recognized me." The one driver O'Connell took into her confidence was Lake Speed. "Lake and his wife are such wonderful people - they accepted me as I am," she said. "They helped me through some very difficult times." Other drivers, she said, never knew. "I once babysat for Darrell Waltrip," she said. "He's one of my favorite people, but I never told him about my situation."

When she was still J.T. Hayes, a good ol' boy from Corinth, Miss., she ran some races at Highland Rim Speedway and Clarksville Speedway, collecting some of an estimated 500 victories. She never raced at Nashville Speedway, but said she would welcome the opportunity. O'Connell won dozens of sprint races and competed in one Winston Cup event at Rockingham, N.C., in a car owned by Julie Donlavey. Donlavey, who currently fields a car for Dick Trickle, said he "doesn't think sex is a factor," in O'Connell's struggle to land a ride. "Janet Guthrie came down here years ago and everybody treated her with respect," Donlavey noted. But, Guthrie was never a guy. Said one racetrack promoter: "People are scared to put their name on a car she is driving because of what effects it might have on their product." Added another Winston Cup owner: "It's going to be tough for her. Terri's got a long road ahead to earn the respect of the people in the sport." Says O'Connell, "I'll race anywhere I can get a ride. I used to be a good race driver and I know I haven't lost that ability."

O'Connell, who celebrates her 36th birthday on July 29, realizes she will never again have a normal racing career. "I know there will be a carnival atmosphere wherever I go, but I can't avoid that. I intend to just deal with it with dignity." O'Connell said it took her father awhile to get used to the idea tha the had lost a son and gained a daughter. "Now we have a great relationship," she said. "If my father can learn to deal with it, other people should, too. Accept me for who I am. That's all I ask."

Tennessean, June 2, 1998 and June 13, 1998.


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Secret TG Group Shakes Up Church

By Christopher Morgan

The Church of England is facing fresh controversy over the revelation that two women priests began their ministries as men and that the number of transsexual and transvestite clergy is growing. Two other priests are having sex change treatment, church sources have admitted. One has been forced by his bishop to take indefinite leave, but intends to seek a fresh appointment after his operation, as a woman priest. Many of them meet regularly with a number of lay Anglicans as part of a secret group called Sibyls - from the Greek word for prophetess. They hold private church services wearing female clothes. The disclosures come as George Carey, Archbishop of Canterbury, tries to hold the church together in the face of damaging internal divisions over

homosexuality and the ordination of women. The issue of transsexuality may surface during the Lambeth conference in July, when Anglican bishops from across the world discuss church doctrine. The conference's steering committee will receive a confidential paper on transsexual clergy. It is believed to highlight the number of clerics who have changed gender or wish to, and calls for an open church discussion.

At least 21 clergy in the Church of England consider themselves to be "transgendered", The Sunday Times has learnt. Fourteen are transvestites. Three are considering a sex change and are said by friends to be in a psychological "grey area". The church's decision to allow the ordination of women priests in 1992 is thought to have encouraged some priests to reveal their inclinations. Speaking for the first time, a vicar in a large Church of England parish has described conducting acts of worship for Sibyls. He also told of his desire to dress and behave as a woman while serving a large parish. "I have taken services wearing women's clothes," he said. "The women at Sibyls said I looked absolutely gorgeous, which was lovely. Sibyls is an accepting group of Christians creating a completely relaxed context for worship. They give me affection and support. We may see trans-gender churches in the future." He has undergone 200 hours of electrolysis on his face and neck over five years. "I do selected exercises to re-do my waistline," he said. "I go away for several weeks of the year, taking the role of a woman. My rule is that I don't dress within 60 miles of the parish. I have got good bone structure and I have

been chatted up, which I found quite amusing." The priest has been married for 25 years and has children. But he has consulted two psychiatrists, who confirmed that he had all the traits of a transsexual. He believes his bishop would try to remove him from the parish if he knew. "I would be difficult to sack, but there would be moral pressure on me to resign. I would have a nervous breakdown or commit suicide." Though his wife knows about his secret desires, his children do not. "At transvestite clubs I talk to some of the people. The secrecy is the thing that hurts most. I have to sneak out and worry about being caught and stopped by the police. "There is, however, a real joy of being yourself for a while. I try to grab time when people are out to care for my wardrobe. At other times I cry myself to sleep. Not being the one you want to be and appear to be, you are never at ease with yourself." He said that a senior diocesan official knew about his feelings.

London Sunday Times, May 31, 1998


Clinton Exec Order Bans Bias

The U.S. President unilaterally "ENDA's" employment discrimination for federal workers and encourages Congress to do the same for everybody else.

Having advanced policies against workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation department - by - department and agency-by-agency in the previous years of his presidency, U.S. President Bill Clinton finally made the grand gesture May 28 of adding sexual orientation for the first time as a protected category under a wide - ranging Executive Order. He said it would provide a uniform policy for the federal government, but noted that only the Congress could actually extend any means of enforcing it, and called on the legislators to do so. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force was one of the first groups to applaud Clinton "for this act of leadership and fairness, an important step in countering employment discrimination." The President's statement regarding the order follows

in its entirety.

"Today I have signed an Executive Order entitled Further Amendment to Executive Order 11478, Equal Employment Opportunity in the Federal Government. The Order provides a uniform policy for the Federal Government to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation in the federal civilian workforce and states that policy for the first time in an Executive Order of the President." "It has always been the practice of this Administration to prohibit discrimination in employment based on sexual orientation in the civilian workforce, and most federal agencies and department have taken actions, such as the issuance of policy directives or memoranda from the agency heads, to\ memorialize that policy. The Executive Order I have signed today will ensure that there is a uniform policy throughout the Federal Government by adding sexual orientation to the list of categories for which discrimination is prohibited in Executive Order 11478 (i.e. race, color, religion, sex, national origin, handicap, or age). "This Executive Order states Administration policy but does not and cannot create any new enforcement rights (such as the ability to proceed before the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission). Those rights can be granted only by legislation passed by the Congress, such as the Employment Non - Discrimination Act. I again call upon Congress to pass this important piece of civil rights legislation which would extend these basic employment discrimination protections to all gay and lesbian Americans. Individuals should not be denied a job on the basis of something that has no relationship to their ability to perform their work."

NewsPlanet, May 29.1998


TG Candidate Challenged

INDIANAPOLIS -- Bob Kern, also known as Bobby Scott Hidalgo, wants to put a dispute over his name behind him and get on with running for Congress. A state commission on Monday rejected efforts by the state's Democratic Party to remove the convicted felon, whose given name is Hidalgo, from the party's side of the November ballot because of the different names he has used. State Democratic Party chairman Joe Andrew said he is prepared to appeal. Kern, a former gas station attendant, faces incumbent Republican Rep. Dan Burton in the fall. The district includes much of the Indianapolis suburbs and is one of the safest GOP districts in the nation.The Democratic Party says Kern defrauded voters by using that name only for the purpose of the May 5 primary. Among other things, they argue that the Anglo-sounding name of Kern and its alphabetical appearance first on the ballot gave him an advantage over his Democratic opponents, Carrie Jean Trammell and R. Nag Nagarajan. However, Secretary of State Sue Anne Gilroy said Kern met the requirements of being a candidate, partly because the name on his declaration of candidacy matched that on his most recent voter registrationKern was sentenced to two years in prison in a 1987 theft and forgery case. In addition, newspaper reports have described him as a cross-dressing female impersonator. He says the only time he cross-dressed was as an undercover agent in a sting operation for the Marion County Sheriff's Department, which the department denies.

Associated Press, June 4, 1998




First Open TG On NGLTF Board

The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) has named L.J. Irving of Oakland to its board of directors. Irving is the first openly transgendered person appointed to the board of a national gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender civil rights organization.

Irving, a drug counselor and case manager at Jelani House in San Francisco, has a long history of activism. A former member of supervisor Tom Ammiano's staff, she was a founding member of Lesbians and Gays of African Descent for Democratic Action (LGADDA). She has also been involved with the Harvey Milk Democratic Club and the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Community Services Center.

"I'm really looking forward to increasing the visibility of people of color and to reaching out to those who can't afford the high ticket events," Irving told the Bay Area Reporter. She emphasized that she intends to advocate for people of color, youth, and people with low incomes."We need to reach out, instead of expecting them to come to us," she added, stating that she plans to work with NGLTF to meet people "in the clubs, in the churches, in the families." Irving recently returned from her first board meeting, and was very impressed and enthusiastic about the group's openness to inclusion, commenting that "they're not some big national highbrow group." She sees the board becoming a new and very enthusiastic group, and noted that additional board members will be added this fall. One of her goals is to recruit board members under the age of 30. Irving is reluctant to describe herself as a leader in the transgender community, because she feels that the Bay area has so many "trailblazers" more worthy of recognition. "I have an enormous amount of humility, and pride for the trailblazers" she told the B.A.R. "I'm not in a position to take a lot of credit for leadership." Irving said that she would go to local transgender leaders for guidance on transgender issues. This humility is typical of Irving's approach, which she describes as being about service and not politics. "My goal is for people to be visible, empowered and connected." "I'm not a leader, just a worker." Irving said. "I'm more like a doorman, holding the door open so that others can come in."

Bay Area Reporter, June 4, 1998




Anatomy of a Drag Queen

She's been unlucky in love and on the surgeon's table, but now Hedwig has an off-Broadway hit.

By Richard Zoglin

When Hedwig was still called Hansel, a sexually confused girly boy growing up in Communist East Berlin, he used to listen to American rock n' roll in the only place he coulc find privacy: sticking his head into the oven. Later, an American serviceman arranged for a sex-change operation (a botched one, leaving just an "angry inch" of scar tissue) so that the 2 could marry and emigrate t

to America. Hedwig wound up in a trailer park in Kansas, where

her G.I. abandoned her. Then she met Tommy Gnosis, a rock singer whom she turned into a superstar, but not before he had dumped her, too. Now, all that is left for Hedwig is to tell her life story in a confessional cabaret show, which has become Broadway's latest cult hit, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Drag performances, from the late Charles Ludlum to Lypsinka, have a long honored tradition in Manhattan's downtown theatre scene. But, this is a wig of a different color. John Cameron Mitchell, who wrote the show and does a smashing turn (accompanied by a grungy back-up band) avoids high camp, low sex jokes, and Judy Garland impressions. True, Hedwig's stage patter has its share of double entendres ("I do love a warm hand on my entrance"), but the literate script is also a poignant meditation on loneliness, gender confusion, and the Platonic notion that sex is the effort to connect 2 halves of 1 ideal being. All of this is embellished by 10 muscular, melodic rock songs by Stephen Trask, which combine hard-driving punk with Beatles-style lyricism for the most exciting hard-rock score written for the theater since, oh, maybe ever.

Mitchell, who has acted on Broadway (The Secret Garden) and in TV sitcoms (Party Girl), had wanted to do a rock musical ever since being annoyed by Broadway's Tommy. "Rock on stage is always submerged, diluted," he says. "I wanted to do something that was truly rock n' roll and truly theatre." He teamed up with Trask, the leader of a band called Cheater, and the 2 developed the show in a series of downtown club gigs. Mitchell even passed up a role in Rent (as the drag queen Angel) to keep at it. After searching in vain for a theatre, the show landed in a renovated ballroom at the Hotel Riverview, a flophouse near the Hudson River that once sheltered the surviving crew of the Titanic. Now Mitchell may have the Titanic of drag musicals. Since opening on Valentine's Day, Hedwig has attracted a mix of uptown theatregoers, kids from the club scene, and celebrities like Goldie Hawn, Glenn Close, and David Bowie. The show just won an Outer Critics' Circle award for best off-Broadway musical, a concept album is in the works, and there's already talk of a movie. Couldn't happen to a nicer girly boy.

Time, May 11, 1998

Atison Ken Seuili, 21, a transsexual sex worker who made headlines after being picked up by actor Eddie Murphy in May 1997 on a West Hollywood street, died in a freak fall April 22, 1998. Police said there were no signs of foul play and that the accident was the result of Seuili's attempt to get into her locked apartment through a window.

Etc. May 15, 1998


Unabomber a TS?

CBS News reported May 1 that convicted Unabomber Ted Kaczynski went to a campus psychiatrist while he was a grad student at Michigan and discussed having a sex change. The network also reported that Kaczynski was ashamed to discuss his sex life with the counselor and lonely and frustrated over his failure to have a relationship with a woman. Kaczynski was sentenced to 4 life terms in prison May 4.

Etc., May 15, 1998


Life Imitates the Movies

In March in Donegal, Ireland, 2 men were arrested wearing blonde wigs and dresses and charged with burglary. One of the men told police the heist was to pay for the other guy's sex change operation a la Dog Day Afternoon, Al Pacino's 1975 movie.Video Store Magazine, May 15, 1995




Powder Puff's Got Kick

Thai kickboxer Parinya Kiatbusaba, 16, ran his won-lost record to 20-2 with 18 knockouts, and garnered much press coverage because out of the ring, he is a flamboyant transvestite. "It is hard to fight beautiful men," he said. "I can easily knock them out. On the other hand, I want to hug and kiss them."

News of the Weird, Tennessean, May 24, 1998




Illegal Sex Change

San Diego, CA. (AP) - A man accused of performing an illegal leg amputation that killed a New York man may have carried out hundreds of illegal operations, from sex changes to liposuction, prosecutors say. John Ronald Brown, 75, pleaded innocent Friday to charges of murder, practicing medicine without a license, illegal drug distribution, and theft. "For 20 years he's been hacking on people," prosecutor Stacy Running said. "We're not sure how many people he has disfigured or caused pain, but we think it may be hundreds, based on the records we found."

Brown's medical license was revoked in California in 1977 after he botched operations to surgically turn men into women in places such as a garage and a hotel, according to records. He served 3 years in prison after a 1989 conviction in San Francisco for attempting to move the hairline of a man preparing for his transformation into a woman. - Xenogeny, June 1, 1998

(Note: There have been messages on the Internet that Brown may be operating on people again - he's out on bail in the Midwest, possibly St. Louis. Do not be taken in by this charlatan - always use a known surgeon with references - Ed.)


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