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Stuff We Can't Talk About

Halloween Comes Early

If Only I'd...

A Family After All

Wanna Be on 48 Hours?

October 1998 - Online Edition


Upcoming Events

October 10: 4th Annual Halloween Party

November 14: Dr. Bill Turner, Lesbian & Gay Coalition for Justice

December 12: 6th Annual Anniversary/Holiday Party

Future Board Meetings: October 22, November 19, December 17


Tennessee Vals Special Events:

Sunday, October 18: AIDS Walk, Bicentennial Mall

Saturday, October 31: Bitches Ball, Gas Light Lounge

Saturday, November 7: Fall Fund-raising Dinner for The Center,

Edgehill United Methodist Church, 1502 Edgehill Avenue

Sunday, November 8: Bus trip to Metropolis, IL Casino

Tuesday, December 29: Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo, TPAC

 


Her Majesty, The Queen, Marisa

The Queen's Throne

By Marisa Richmond

marisaval@aol.com

By now, I hope everyone in Middle Tennessee has seen the story in the August 24 issue of The Tennessean. It concentrated on some of the personal concerns of being transgendered. There were, however, a few shortcomings I would like to mention. First, I thought the choice of photographs could have been better. Use of more smiling images would have sent a better signal to readers that being transgendered and being happy are not mutually exclusive. Second, when we agreed to allow the paper to do a story, we hoped to illustrate all the diversity that is present both within the Vals and within the gender community at large. The story tended to give short shrift to CDs and F2Ms and said very little about the work of the Vals or the gender community as a whole. Finally, there were a couple of key factual errors. I do not live as a woman as was claimed in the article. Plus, we never discussed the term "gals" when we picked our name. Despite all this, I thought the article went a long way towards getting a big part of our story out. I hope that those readers who are transgendered, and had not yet heard of us, will see some of themselves in it, and feel free to join us. In that respect, there is no such thing as bad publicity. I am personally grateful to the editors and writers (especially Carrie Ferguson) for giving us this opportunity to speak to the rest of the community. And Carrie told me that, to date, only one person has canceled their subscription.

The person who canceled their newspaper subscription undoubtedly must have renewed, or begun, a subscription to Newsweek. The August 17 cover story probably brought a smile to the face of every member of the Religious Reich. For those who managed to miss it, they claim that conversion of gays (and by assumption, transies) is possible through "reparative therapy." The story featured a couple of "ex-gays" from Colorado Springs, John and Anne Paulk--and John used to perform as a drag queen named Candi. As I read this and similar stories in newspapers around the country, part of me wanted to laugh at the obvious self-delusionment, while part of me wanted to scream at the horrendous misinformation being perpetrated on innocent minds. A major thesis of the ministries involved in such therapy is that being different is sinful and the person must be saved. Well, that is simply ridiculous. Anyone who is born gay or transgendered can lead perfectly normal, healthy, happy lives provided that others are not abusing or harassing them. Furthermore, embedded in this is the assumption that one's inherent sexual orientation or gender identity can be changed. Yet, when you listen closely to those testimonials, you never hear that such things have actually changed in any way. The only thing they have changed is their activity. For years, I had the desire to perform on stage. After I finally did so in a benefit show, I effectively got that desire out of my system, but I am not deluding myself by claiming to be an `ex-drag entertainer.' I am still the same person today that I was both before and during that show.

One of the saddest features to this kinder, gentler face to gay- and transie-bashing is that it is masked under the guise of religion. As I have stated many times over, there are many denominations that are not close-minded and judgmental. I actually feel sorry for all those people who were raised in a denomination which taught them to hate themselves, and from all that I have seen, every single one of those who "convert" were raised that way. Certainly, many do rebel against their upbringing and engage in dangerous, and potentially self-destructive acts such as engaging in substance abuse or promiscuous, unsafe sex, but it does not mean that being born different is bad. I feel fortunate that I was not taught badly as I grew up, so I did not have to shake off all that dogma, but when others continue to perpetrate the myth that being gay or transie is bad, it can really mess up a lot of minds. Newsweek certainly could have learned much from the treatment of gender issues in the June 20 issue of Time and the October issue of Utne Reader, both of which provided thought-provoking, articulate challenges to right-wing propaganda. We are dealing with people who are incredibly close-minded and judgmental and want others to share their hatred. Of course, while they must have been pleased with Newsweek, they likely turned a Whiter Shade of Pale over the enthusiastic reception for gender-bending Marilyn Manson during the recent MTV Video Music Awards, which shows that their fears of a more open-minded society is happening despite their campaign of misinformation and hatred. Now if only MTV would not censor so many !*#^@%! words.

In the August newsletter of the Texas Association for Transsexual Support, Vanessa Foster reports that Cyber Patrol, a company that makes filters to block internet sites for young children, has recently added the American Family Association, a conservative Christian group, to its list of censored groups. It seems the website for AFA, a group which has demanded censorship of the Internet, has been grouped with those for skinhead, white supremacist, and other hate groups for its hate-filled site and its intolerant attitude towards, and endorsement of discrimination against, gays. I am reminded of an old adage which the AFA would be wise to remember: Judge not lest ye be judged.

Changing tones a bit, when I was six, my mother sent me to take swimming lessons (lessee, since I am turning 29 this month, if I do a little math here, that would have been, uh, 1975--two years before I started hanging out in drag clubs....). I actually learned to swim the year before, but I always suspected she was just trying to get me out of the house for the summer. Anyway, I was about 3'6", and since the shallow end of the pool was 4', it meant that if I stood flat-footed, my ears, nose and mouth would be underwater. In order to breathe and hear the instructor, I had to keep bouncing up and down. The day he wanted to teach us how to tread water, he said he wanted us all to stand still with our feet on the bottom. I said "I can't." He replied, "there's no such word as can't." That night, I looked it up in the dictionary, and while contractions are grammatically incorrect, it is a word. The next time he said "there's no such word as can't," I said that there most certainly was since I had found it in the dictionary. I got the distinct impression he did not appreciate the English lesson that day. But while his knowledge of the language may have left a lot to be desired, he was trying to make a point.

Many people set limitations on themselves. They are quite capable of doing virtually anything to which they are willing to devote themselves. I have often admitted here how little I know about computers, but my skills with such things are limited not because I can't use one, but because I simply do not care very much about them. Those of us who are out often hear from others numerous reasons why a person "can't" join us, but unless you are in prison and have no freedom of movement, that excuse just does not hold. Of course many do admit they are scared and are unwilling to take those steps. The first step to personal acceptance is being honest with oneself and with those providing support. I do not recall a single instance in which a person's life completely fell apart simply because they joined a gender support group or attended a convention.

Two months ago, I mentioned that I planned to attend the IFGE Convention in Orlando next spring. It now seems the event has been canceled. This is not due to fears of hurricanes, terrorist bombs, earthquakes, tornadoes, or possibly a meteor. Rather, IFGE's track record at running conventions has been not been good, so they are reportedly getting out of the convention business. In addition, the scuttlebutt has it that Texas T Party and Tri-Ess' Holiday en Femme may also now be a thing of the past. There are still several such events on the calendar, and others may arise to replace those now gone, so I hope people make excuses to attend at least one in the near future if you do not wish to--as opposed to "can't"--join your local support group. The Southern Comfort Convention (the final planning meeting for which I attended in mid-August with Jenni along with that weekend's meeting of Atlanta Gender Explorations) is something I have made a regular part of my life, and I cannot recommend too highly being a part of such events because they are incredibly positive and reinvigorating. And in case you are wondering, I can tread water today quite nicely, thank you.

Now, I ain't one to gossip....But there is one other thing about IFGE which may become clearer during this month's Southern Comfort. At last year's SCC, it was announced that Nancy Nangeroni was replacing Allison Laing as Executive Director. It now appears that Nancy is stepping aside after only one year. A search for a replacement is underway, but it does call into question the focus and direction of IFGE given the fact that they are changing ED again after only one year, continue to struggle financially, and have now canceled their convention. I will just have to wait and see what happens.

And if I don't see you in Atlanta, remember, Halloween falls on a Saturday this year. Get out and have fun! No excuses and no fear.


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Miss Jenni

Wigged Out

By Jennileigh Love

jlove1@ix.netcom.com

First of all I want to thank The Tennessean for having the courage to print the August 24 article about the Vals (see a reprint in this issue or on our web site). I was thrilled to learn we would be featured on the front page. It was a surprise to be featured on the cover in the midst of the hoopla about Clinton/ Lewinsky, Boris Yeltzin and Mark McGwire. The article was a home run in my eyes. It was factual, and sympathetic. I want to thank Tennessean reporter Carrie Ferguson for writing the article. I was also amused that the article generated very little stir in Nashville. No angry letters to the editor were published. Ms. Ferguson said one Tennessean subscriber had called and cancelled their paper because of the article. Could it be that Nashville is getting more progressive? Could it be people just don't care? Maybe they're too busy thinking up a new nickname for the Oilers…

At a recent meeting I mentioned that the local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) was trying to raise money to advertise on a billboard near I-40 in downtown Nashville. Their message was simple: "Someone you know and love is gay", with PFLAGs name and phone number. I've known the coordinators of the local PFLAG chapter for some time know, having met Gene Floyd at the Pride Spirituality Celebration a few years ago, and worked with Wayne Rosing on the Center Capital Fund Campaign. These folks do good work and help a lot of people. Needless to say, the Vals gave a modest donation to help them pay for the billboard.

I was disheartened, but not surprised to learn the billboard had been vandalized. Someone or some persons had went through the trouble of making paint rollers with handles long enough to put black paint over the message of the billboard. Ironically, this created more publicity for PFLAG than the billboard alone could, drawing television and newspaper coverage of the vandalism. The billboard company gracefully agreed to replace the damaged goods, and increase security around the billboard. I also heard that the sign for Outloud! Books (the local GLBT bookstore) and the nearby Dancing Bear Restaurant were also vandalized.

As you all know, I live fairly openly as a transgendered person. People in my neighborhood know about me. My house has been egged before, but the kids in the neighborhood egg everyone's house, whether the owner is gay or straight. I came home one Saturday night to find my mailbox had been knocked over, but the neighbor across the street had her fence totally demolished. (We suspect someone lost control of a car and kept driving). Sometimes I worry about coming home and finding "All Fags Must Die" spray painted on my home or broken windows. I also worry about the safety of my cats when they are outside the house. A gay friend of mine recently parked his car at David Lipscomb University, and came back to find it egged. He attributed this to the rainbow flag decals on the car. David Lipscomb is a Church of Christ University. Is it Too Much to teach folks there that Christ would frown on hate and vandalism?

The lesson from these occurrences is how important freedom of speech is to all of us. We who live openly as queer folks are always going to be at risk for someone wanting to shut our mouths any way possible. I'm happy to say that the rewards of living openly outweigh the agonies of staying in the closet. We need to treat people who would silence us kindly, but firmly, and not let anyone walk all over us.

Speaking of being out, in September, we celebrated our yearly Pride Week here in Nashville. I really don't like being critical of others, especially volunteers who receive nothing in return for all their worries (except for an all-expense paid trip to San Diego). Middle Tennessee Pride Committee's decision to move Pride to September this year really put a strain on the Vals resources. We had attempted to line up Holly Boswell (who is well known in the TG community) as a speaker for our yearly Transgendered Mixer, then the Pride Week dates got moved. Pride Week was also cut short (less than a week), resulting in combined events, and events that had times conflicting with one another. The Spirituality Celebration, which is one of my favorite Pride events, was thrown together at the last minute, and didn't allow my church (Stonewall Mission) time to plan anything. Additionally, all correspondence the Vals received from Pride came barely weeks before Pride Week. September was also busy for me professionally, being in the middle of a contract, and also putting the finishing touches on the Southern Comfort Conference. I will end this by stating that this is constructive criticism and hopefully the Pride Week planning will go smoother next year.

This is the column for October and it's time to plug our yearly Halloween Party. I think last year's party was a resounding success. This year, we plan to do the usual with decorations, candy and costumes. We will also do a newsletter and webpage photo spread. I hope everyone will get into the act this year and dress in costume.

Speaking of costumes, over Labor Day weekend I attended the Memphit Furmeet, a sci-fi/fantasy con in Memphis (Memphit is the scientific name for a skunk). The con subject is "furry", a strange mixture of animals and animal-morphs in all shapes, forms and fashions. From cartoons and comic strips to costumes, role playing games, Japanese anime, and online hijinks, the furries are an eccentric bunch of folks, which means I fit right in. Much like the transgendered community, furry fandom has a huge online presence, with mailing lists, FTP/Web sites and their own IRC discussion channel. I was very pleased with how accepting everyone was of transgendered people. There were three of us at the convention, plus lots of folks who were openly gay and bi. Being an amateur cartoonist, I was very interested in meeting Bill Holbrook, the creator of comic strip Kevin and Kell (available online at www.herdthinners.com). Artists abounded at the con, and I really enjoyed watching them work. The con also had seminars on costume making and a "fursuit parade", so I got to show off my sewing skills where everyone appreciated them. The Furmeet has got to be the only place I can walk around in my pink bunny costume, and no one seems to think it's unusual. The Memphis con is one of several across the country including Duckon (Chicago), ConFURence (California) and Anthrocon (Valley Forge).

That's about it for this month, folks. I'm sure I'll have plenty of post-Southern Comfort ponderings for you next month.


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left arrow

Left Of Center

By Pamela DeGroff

Hello, and welcome to Stuff We Can't Talk About

We all know how to play the game. Remember, we learned when we were kids. It started with everyone's favorite word. You remember now, don't you? We're talking about masturbation.

"Excuse me, young man, but what did you say? Please, speak up." Okay-----MASTURBATION. Remember how you found out about it? If you didn't have an older brother to tell you, or the availability of medical text books, then it was usually by accident. Why, you did, this, this, and this, and THAT happens. Oh my... Feels---kinda good, actually. But then, why do I feel bad about it? (Usually, because THEY told me to feel bad about it, that's why.) Whatever THEY said didn't negate the fact that when you did this, this, this, and THAT it still felt pretty good. So much for the standard issue, neurologically implanted Judeo-Christian ethic.

Okay, let's go forward a few years here. Remember when you were in high school and it came time for the Prom? Here you are, knowing you're just a little bit different than everyone else, but this is the one real big social doo-dah of the season, so of course you'll go. It's expected. Picture this: your name is Bill. You have on a rented tux that actually looks good on you. Your date, Mary, looks beautiful in her long white formal. Truth is, though, you could care less. You're only dating Mary because it's expected of you. You'd rather be with Stephen, the captain of the football team. He's dating Vicky, the Prom Queen. But, you know, Vicky herself would much rather be with Mary, your date. She, too, just loves that beautiful white formal. Speaking of Stephen, he loves Mary's long, beautiful white dress also. No one knows how much he's dying to ask her where she got it, and if it comes in his size. Mary herself is not having a very enjoyable evening. She's glad she's your date, in fact she kind of likes you. And she knows she looks great in the long white dress, but she didn't wear it for you. She spends the entire evening trying to catch Vicky's eye. She's confused. Too bad she doesn't know how to talk about any of this.

Let's go forward a few more years at this point. We're all adults now. Or at least we pretend to act like it occasionally. For some of us, the transition was easy. These are the lucky ones who found someone they could talk to. These were the ones who fought their way through the stampeding emotions and risked outing themselves to a person at school, a co-worker, or a caring family member. Maybe they were lucky enough to find a support group early on that helped them come to terms with themselves. But they are the lucky ones whose address didn't include a large closet. Most of us, I believe, shared some space in that closet for a few years of our adult lives. We're the ones who always kind of hesitate to answer the question, "How was your weekend?" We're the ones who did our level best to "fit in". We got decent jobs. We got married. We got mortgages and had kids. We knew all about playing games because we had a lifetime of experience at it. And we knew all about closets, because that's where we really lived. When you finally start to come to terms with yourself as a person, you begin to understand fully that a human being is made up of three parts - Body, soul, and spirit. In other words, the physical, the intellectual, and the spiritual. The real mystery is that all three of these portions combine to make a whole. Most people will spend a better part of their life working on only one portions of this whole. When something is neglected, it makes it hard to come to terms with what has been ignored for so long. This is one of the consequences of spending too much time playing the game called Stuff We Can't Talk About.

But we can talk about it. Being honest with ourselves first makes it unbelievably easier to be honest with others. Whether or not they choose to believe what you have to say to them. When I stopped answering with lies the "How was your weekend?" question, I saw that being transgendered wasn't some big, dirty, dark thing to be kept in a closet. My honesty to their questions was my choice. Whether or not they choose to believe it was theirs.

Now, on Monday, when someone wants to know how my weekend itinerary went, I truthfully tell them. "Well, let's see. I attended a meeting of my transgendered support group, then went out drinking and dancing, and I vaguely remember getting invited to an orgy. Same old stuff. What'd you do?"

You know that thing a dog does when it can't figure something out? I see that a lot on Mondays.


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Anne

 

Behind Blue Eyes

By Anne Casebeer

agc@mci2000.com

"If Only I'd .........."

You can look at the menu but you just can't eat,

You can feel the cushions but you can't have a seat,

You can dip your foot in the pool but you can't have a swim,

You can feel the punishment but you can't commit the sin.

"No One Is To Blame" , Howard Jones

Transgenderism is grounded in the real world, not a separate world of make-believe. Our lives aren't that much different from the lives of others, everyone has their own personal issues that complicate matters, but TG people share a common journey of self-realization. We can be a community of navel-gazers at times, and I don't mean that as a criticism, because I feel that it is healthy to analyze our actions and personalities as long as we don't do so excessively. We're all on a journey, and no matter where your life's journey is destined to lead, you'd better learn some hard lessons along the way if you're going to make it a long one It is a journey of self-discovery, and certainly a journey to the very basis of your personality. The lessons learned from our shared experiences are not just valid in the meeting room on the 2nd Saturday night of the month. Learning about ourselves and our personalities also applies to our family and work lives, if we only wish to apply it. Those lessons are not for the squeamish.

Of course, life isn't for the squeamish, either. Which brings us to a tragic story, one that happens all too often in the transgendered community, one that happened to Joanna McNamera. Unfortunately, since it happened at my work, I didn't see the warning signs of things to come.; I just didn't make the connection. As a result of my inability to see trouble coming, I'm catching hell from the 3 angels that give me my daily dose of guilt: the pessimist says that I couldn't have done a thing about it and shouldn't care so much; the inner optimist is giving me hell because I didn't make the game-winning save, and the realist is asking me whether I should have worn a coat and tie or my black skirted suit to the funeral......

Steve was an employee that I hired in June to work in one of my stores. He had a chequered past, one I was quite aware of before I hired him. He'd been in some - okay, a lot - of trouble as a youth, and he'd admitted to that. He'd tried to straighten up since reaching adulthood. I checked his adult police record and found it to be clean, but his juvenile and school records were very messy. I hired him anyway, and he took to the job immediately, impressing me with his willingness to do extra work, dirty jobs, and to come in for people when they were ill or had last-minute plans arise. Steve also became popular with his co-workers for his wit and humor, as well as for the fact that he held up his end of the bargain. Very soon, my staff was including him in social goings-on after and outside work. The only odd thing they'd noticed about Steve was that he wasn't close to his family, and seemed to be rather unlucky in his love life. Does that sound like a lot of transgendered people?. He certainly was lonely and despondent, as many transpeople are at times. However, I don't have any particular reason to believe that Steve was TG, and don't want to imply that he was. A person does not have to be TG to be unlucky at love or estranged from their family.

Unfortunately, Steve had a bad run of luck involving an ex-girlfriend that would not accept the end of their relationship, and she caused him some legal problems as a form of harassment. As a result of that, he was arrested, spent about 2 weeks in the county jail, then he was given daytime work release. I was glad to have him back, since he fit a scheduling niche well. I had no qualms about his legal problem; I knew that this time he'd been screwed by the legal system, and I very much wanted him to continue working for me. So, I drove to the Hall of Justice, picked him up, and let him spill his guts while I drove south on I-65; I was paying more attention to the downtown midday traffic than to his conversation, but he said that he just wanted this harassment to end, that he couldn't wait to work again, and I should have listened closer, I suppose, but wrecking my van wasn't on my wish list for that day. Once at work, he was almost joyous, his old self, willing to do anything necessary to help and smiling. Or, so I thought when I left for the day. Steve clocked out at the end of his shift, went home, "borrowed" his roommate's 9mm semiautomatic, showed it to another employee at the store who didn't take it seriously, and went on his way.

And with a smile he told me,

That he wanted just to be

On his way across the sea

No man can measure

He won't be back

And the sun may find him sleeping in the dust

Of some ruin far away

He won't be back.

From Silver Lake, Jackson Browne

Later that same evening, Steve was found face-down in a nearby creekbed with a single self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head, from which he died on August 20. He was 20 years old.

So, what does this have to do with being transgendered? Calls for help and suicides are not uncommon among TG people, as the recent death of Joanna McNamera bears out. Despite not knowing her, I think I know how she felt, and I suspect many of us in this group have felt that way, too. I'll freely admit that I've suffered through periods of despondency and self-hatred in my life. I was so distressed by my TG side and the demands life has made of me that suicide has seemed a viable alternative at times, plus I have a tendency towards extreme self-criticism - I may seem to be the party girl at times, but inside I see every flaw that others will never notice. Fortunately, people who are contemplating suicide give off many hints, if we are only able to notice them. Steve gave us all plenty of hints, for instance. At one point, he told another employee that he didn't want to go back "down there" ever again, but that employee took that to mean "after he'd done his time." Of course, the employee to whom Steve showed the pistol was devastated by the whole affair. Some ill-chosen words about the whole affair by an outsider cost me 2 of my best employees needlessly in the days directly following. The most sensitive piece of equipment I know of to handle is the human mind, and I pride myself in the ability to positively inspire people to do the best they can for the pittance that we pay. It wasn't entirely rational to blame myself for all that occurred, but I fell into the responsibility trap; the feeling that being the one in charge meant that I should have done something/anything to prevent the problem, should have stopped the suicide from happening, and should have somehow managed to heal my people in the aftermath. In that, I dismally failed, blamed myself, and felt a great deal of guilt over the whole matter, despite the rational knowledge that there was little I could do about it. It was really rough for awhile and I was pretty rough on myself about it. Still am, but I expect it won't be anything a few brewskis (and a few days away from the store)with a few hundred good friends at Southern Comfort won't help.

Since I've been through this problem of despondency, depression, and suicidal thought myself, I've studied a bit on the subject of suicide, and have spoken to several people who work suicide hotlines. I do not claim to be any kind of expert, but knowing what to say and what to look for seemed to be a way I could help others and myself. Unfortunately, I didn't bother to teach my employees what my own life and transgendered experiences had forced me to learn - to watch for these signs, listen for the cues, or react to the subtle hints; I failed to make the connection between my 2 worlds. Had I done so, could I have somehow prevented the suicide of Steve? I'll always believe that I could have. My employees all wish they'd noticed somehow, but they weren't taught what to look for (save for one, who has worked a hotline and wasn't working that day). Did I fail Steve? I have to believe that I did, but I recognize that my tendency is to take responsibility for too many things. What can I do about it? Make certain that I don't accidentally fail other Steves. Attempt to teach people how not to fail other Steves. And, most of all, don't ever let any of my friends become another Steve. Or Joanna McNamera. Or let the person in the mirror do so, either.

This is the very essence of a support group, so let's try something here: if you are ever considering a suicidal end to your problems, please call a group member, a suicide hotline, a family member, a coworker, somebody, anybody. Send an email, get on a chat room, go to their house, whatever. Let's chat. Let's all make ourselves available to others in the group who are wondering if suicide is a way out. We all know in our rational moments that it isn't, but late at night with the world closing in, after possibly losing career, family and friends in the process of becoming what we always were inside all along, it might seem attractive. At those times, please somehow make some human contact. And, if you're on the receiving end of the line, let the person spill it all, be a good listener. Then let them know that they would be missed and would miss out on so much in the future. There is so much yet to see and do, and so much living to be done yet for all of us, so let's get on with it. I happen to really like wearing my black skirted suit, and black looks good on those of us who are "full-figured"(which really means FAT), but I didn't buy that outfit to wear to the Requiem Masses of good people who have died too young by their own hand........


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Angela

Totally....

By Angela Bridgman

angelafox@cybergal.com

A Family After All

My cousin Jannette visited me in July. She is the first family member of mine to see me as Angela (except, of course for all those times I got caught!) She also was, I thought, the only flesh and blood family I had left. I believed my biological sperm donor when he told me that the rest of the Bridgman family was embarrassed of me, and wanted nothing to do with me. I have since found out that he was lying to me. By believing him instead of checking it out for myself, I deprived myself of a year and a half of communication with my family. Now, I don't think anyone in my family is ecstatic about the fact that I'm transsexual, but, except for my "parents", none seems to have a real problem with it.

I found this out, because my biological sperm donor sent me another of his famous guilt-trip notes. He wrote to inform me that a family member had passed on, and that by the time I read the note, it would be too late, there would be nothing I could do. He added that he "hoped I would be very happy and proud." For the first time since Mother's Day, and the last time ever, I called my "parents", to find out who had passed away. Instead of telling me, they began to harass me and pick a fight. As usual, my conversation with them ended up as an argument, and I hung up on them.

I decided to try calling my uncle (my biological sperm donor's brother), to find out who had passed. I found out it was my great aunt, whom I had not seen, or heard from, in over ten years. At first, my uncle didn't know who I was. I then told him the name he would remember me by, and what was going on in my life. He already knew about my transsexual status, but had no idea I'd moved to Louisville. While he did refer to me in male pronouns, he seemed to be perfectly amenable to keeping in contact. I told him I'd prefer to be addressed as Angela, and as a female, however, if he was more comfortable the other way, then that would be okay, too. He told me I could call any time, and gave me contact information I'd lost on my three Bridgman cousins.

Karen, the middle child, had absolutely no problems whatsoever in talking with me, or referring to me in my preferred gender. It turns out that she lives in Columbus, Ohio, so I know who I'm going to visit next time I'm up that way! She and I discussed the possibility of coming up to Columbus for Thanksgiving.

Paul, the oldest, was the one I thought would be least likely to accept me. I turned out wrong. It turned out that he hadn't even spoken to my father for over three years, and had no idea about my transsexual status, nor of the fact that I had moved. His reaction to the news was anything other than what I'd expected. He just said, "I live in the big city, nothing shocks me." His wife, Ruth, remembered seeing me at my grandmother's funeral, and remembered the eulogy I'd given for her, and how beautiful it had been. As soon as I told her about my transsexual status, she made a connection no one else had....why I had such long fingernails at the funeral. My brother and Paul had been after me to cut them, and I wouldn't do it. The nails were so long they broke holes in the fingers of the pallbearer gloves I was wearing. She just said that she now understood the long nails, and that she worked in a restaurant; many of her customers were transgendered, and they were among her best customers. (She even knew the "TG" word!) Ruth and I actually had a nice, long conversation about what I am going through, and she was very open and sympathetic.

Kelly, the youngest, also does not have any problem with me. Like all of my family, she is not necessarily thrilled about it, but has no problem dealing with it, and accepting it, and making me a part of her family. She told me that whatever made me happy she was in favor of. She also told me that from her own recollection my father had been very hard on me. It seems I'm not the only one who remembers the hell my "parents" put me through!

You may wonder why I'm telling you all this. The important message to all of you is to never believe that your whole family is against you, just because one who does not agree with your "lifestyle" tells you so. Because I believed it, I deprived myself of family contact for a year and a half....I'm just glad I didn't deprive myself for life!


CBS Looking For TGs To Feature On An Upcoming 48 Hours Segment

By Dominic Perez

I'm producing an hour-long documentary for CBS News-48 Hours on Gender Dysphoria. This documentary will explore the major issues affecting the Transgender Community (ie. The struggle for equal rights, violence/hate crimes, job discrimination, child custody/visitation rights...etc.)

I'm looking to profile dramatic and compelling characters and stories involving pre-operative and post-operative (FTM) Female To Male and (MTF) Male To Female transsexuals struggling to overcome great obstacles in order to achieve some major goal (ie. raising money for an operation, keeping a job, winning custody of children, gaining acceptance in a small town, getting justice, earning equal treatment under the law) Some suggestions: We might want to profile a pre-operative

transsexual from a small town fighting to keep his/her job or family

after coming out, a pre-operative FTM or MTF fighting to stay in the military or fighting for their life, or even a family attempting to deal with a young child experiencing Gender Dysphoria. The direction of this documentary is not written in stone. It will =

evolve constantly based on what kinds of people, stories and issues we find.

All interested parties should call me collect at 212-975-4848 or Email me at: dzp@cbsnews.com .


Cook Co., IL. Human Rights Commission Smacks Red Lobster

By Jon Bigness

Dale Hall, a gay man who sued Red Lobster after the restaurant fired him because of his sexual orientation, was handed a bigger-than-expected victory by the Cook County Commission on Human Rights. The six-member panel unanimously upheld a proposed decision by hearing officer David Lee that Red Lobster violated the county's civil rights laws when it dismissed Hall in 1996 from its outlet in Lincolnwood, IL. In a first under the 1993 ordinance extending employment protection to homosexuals, the panel ordered the company to reinstate Hall as an associate manager.

"I believe it's a great day for Cook County," said Paul Vickrey, Hall's lawyer. "The sooner discrimination against homosexuals is stamped out, the better we are."

The panel came down harder on the seafood restaurant chain than the original ruling, ordering Red Lobster to conduct diversity training at all six of its Cook County restaurants. Damages for pain and suffering were bumped up to $50,000 from $10,000, on top of $45,000 in back pay, interest and lost value of benefits.

The company, a unit of Orlando-based Darden Restaurants Inc., also has to ensure that discrimination against Hall comes to an end.

The ruling, made late Thursday, sends "an important message that unlawful discrimination will not be tolerated in Cook County and that there is a meaningful forum for redress," said Jennifer Vidas, the commission's executive director.

Darden executives declined to comment until after they had a chance to read the order. But in an earlier interview, a spokesman said Darden would appeal an unfavorable ruling. Hall's suit against Red Lobster gained national attention recently when a Red Lobster lawyer challenged the Cook County human rights

ordinance as unconstitutional. The company quickly instructed the attorney to withdraw the argument after protests by gay-rights activists. Cook County is the only county in Illinois that protects gays and lesbians from workplace discrimination.

Chicago Tribune, September 12, 1998


Firm Ordered To Pay Cowboys LaCage Investors

By Kirk Loggins

The Morgan Keegan brokerage firm has been ordered to pay $525,000 in damages to 7 elderly investors who put money into Cowboys LaCage, a failed nightclub venture organized by a former Morgan Keegan broker. The broker, Francis H. Phillips, was one of the owners of Cowboys LaCage, a club on Lower Broadway that featured female impersonators doing country songs and comedy. The cub opened with fanfare in June 1995, but closed 6 months later. It's parent company, FHP Enterprises, fioled for bankruptcy protection.

An arbitration panel of the National Asoociation of Securoities Dealers has decided that Morgan Keegan failed to supervise Phillips' sale of shares in FHP Enterprises to several of his customers at the brokerage firm. The investors range in age from 65 to 92, said their lawyer, Naill Falls. "The customers were told that this was an outside deal that Phillips was doing, but he misrepresented how good the investment was," Falls said. "The NASD rules require that a brokerage firm which approves a brokers involvement in an outside deal supervise it ads if it were firm business. Morgan Keegan did not supervise these transactions at all."

Phillips now works as a broker for Wheat First Union, another local securities firm. Phillips said that he voluntarily left Morgan Keegan in 1995 to take another job. "I wasn't fired, or anything like that," he said. He blamed the closing of Cowboys LaCage on the failure of one of his partners to secure a Corky's barbecue franchise for the club.

Morgan Keegan "disagrees strongly with the arbitration panel's decision regarding the activities of a former employee," said Kathy Ridley, a spookeswoman at the firm's headquarters in Memphis. "We believe it is not supported by the facts of the law. While we believe the award was not justified, it is less that one-third of the amount sought by these individuals." Ridley said that she dos not know "the circumstances of Phillips' departure" from Morgan Keegan.

Falls' clients had asked to be compensated for the full $725,000 that they invested, plus $1 million in punitive damages.

Tennessean, August 27, 1998


Weighing The Price Of Gold

By Mubarak Dahir

Would you lie about having a penis in order to win a gold medal?

The organizers of the 5th Gay Games seem to think at least some people would answer yes to that question. For the first time in the history of the games, which were founded 16 years ago in San Francisco, participants who have changed their sex must provide documented proof that they are full-fledged members of their new gender. Under these new rules, transsexuals must offer medical and other evidence that they have fully completed and complied with a sex changes. Acceptable documentation includes a doctor's letter stating the transgendered person has taken at least 2 years of uninterrupted hormone treatment, or an employer's letter stating that the transgendered person has lived as his or her new sex for at least 2 years. Other acceptable documentation is vaguely referred to by the Games' organizers to include personal correspondence and photographs.

Facetiosly, in my mind's eye, I keep seeing an apllication consisting of a series of photographs of a man in a dress, with his skirt pulled up, and the appopriate before and after labels attached. But the question of gender identity in the Gay Games is not a fecetious matter. It has turned into quite a serious debate about privacy, inclusion, and identity. And sadly, the rules this year fall clearly into the realm of unnecessary invasion of privacy, exclusion, and discrimination.

The organizers of the Gay Games say the rules are intended to facilitate better placing of transgender athletes into proper categories to maintain fairness in competition. This is particularly true in cases where individuals who are genetically male may be competing against those who are genetically femals, they say. Men have a natural biological advantage when it comes to muscle mass and body strength. On the surface, this may seem fair. But the truth is that a person who was born a man will probably retain some of the biological advantage of strength, even after a sex change. A doctors' not won't change that . So it seems difficult to understand how all the paperwork necessary for a TG person to declare his or her sex is going to even out the playing field, unless you consider the person just gets so tired from all the hassle tha they lose some of their strength and appetite to compete.

Perhaps the rulesmakers are asking the wrong question. The question is not really about whether or not someone has a penis, or whther someone once had one and cut it off. The question is about sexual identity. And a lot more must be factored into that complicated issue than can be told by looking under someone's skirt. Rather than asking "Would someone lie about having a penis in order to win a gold medal?" which is the crass reality of what the Games' organizers are doing, organizers should be asking "Would someone cut off their penis to win a gold medal?" Surely gay men and lesbians making the rules about the Gay Games should understand the intricate delicacies that come along with issues revolving around sex and identity. Otherwise, they may next be asking all participants to prove they are gay or lesbian. Just imagine what the photographs in those applications would have to look like.

While the question over TG athletes is where most of the debate surrounding inclusion and exclusion in competition has focused, there is another area that has caused considerable debate, too: the ballroom dance competition. Mixed-sex couples are banned from competing in this event. This has already disqualified at least one couple from dancing - a Brooklyn lesbian and her gay male dance partner. No matter that both members of the couple are homosexual. Only same sex couples may compete - women with women, men with men. Almost humorously, it doesn't matter if, in a all-male duo, for example, one partner is dressed in drag, for that matter. As long as the partners are of the same sex, in this competition, the judges won't be looking under any skirts.

Considering as a whole the way the rules for this year's Gay Games are being configured, it is sadly obvious that they are being written and interpreted in the most narrow ways possible. Exclusion rather than inclusion. The irony, of course, is that the Games were founded as a way to bring together those of us being excluded and shunned from the mainstream. In fact, isn't that what our entire movement is based on? If we apply the reasoning of the Gay Games to other facets and public displays of our movement, then my straight sister wouldn't be allowed to march in the Pride Parade, as she has done in the past. And the arrangement of a gay man and lesbian woman raising a child together would not be part of our agenda. Unfortunately, rhatehr than seeing the gay and lesbian movement as a way to break the rigid, prescribed molds of straight society, the organizers of the Gay Games have fallen into the trap of simply defining new molds which they deem acceptable. This is a danger that is not limited to the Gay Games, but infects many gay and lesbian organizations. It is dangerous precisely because it rationalizes discrimination - no matter what arguments are being used to dress it up as something different.

Query, August 7, 1998


VA Conducting Voice Research in Johnson City

The James H. Quillen Department of Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Johnson City, Tennessee has launched a research project designed to examine the voice characteristics of women with low register voices and men with high register voices which can result in a misidentification of gender by the listener. Male-to-female (M2F) transgendered persons are included as research subjects. Many in this group can successfully alter

their voice to make it compatible with their preferred gender presentation resulting in a desired misidentification of biological gender. M2F individuals with voices which are not or are marginally passable are seen in

order to identify the acoustic elements or markers in those voices which result in the perception of a male voice in spite of their best attempts to produce a feminine vocal and speech pattern. The data from this study are being used to improve treatment methods for M2F transgendered persons who desire to feminize the voice. Currently, the vocal or acoustic cues

which influence the perception of maleness or femaleness of the voice are not fully understood. This pilot study is expected to collect additional data in regard to how specific voice and speech markers function and interact in gender differentiation.

According to Dr. George Brown, Chief of Psychiatry at the James H. Quillen DVA Medical Center and member of the HBIGDA, the number of transgendered veterans is much larger than the medical community is aware of. Dr. Brown, who is serving as co-investigator on this project, is known by many in and outside the transgender community as being a distinguished researcher and

health care provider. All transgendered veterans, including those who are female-to-male, are invited to participate. Only a copy of a DD-214 (Report of Transfer or Discharge) is required. Eligibility for participation is not restricted to those who are receiving compensation for a disability obtained during military service. Each transgendered subject will see Dr. Brown in addition to receiving a comprehensive voice assessment at the Speech Pathology Clinic. Treatment, which is optional, can be provided for up to three days to veterans who are not currently receiving services at the James H. Quillen DVA medical center. Most choose to receive treatment immediately following the assessment. There is no charge for these services. However, participants will be responsible for their travel expenses unless a DVA hospital in the

participant's district agrees to have the travel funded under 'fee basis'. Research participants can stay at a "Hoptel" on the VA grounds at no charge. Free meal tickets are included.

For additional information regarding this "cutting edge" project write to Robert King, M.A., CCC; Audiology and Speecy Pathology Service; James H. Quillen DVA Medical Center; Mountain Home, TN 37684. You may also contact Mr. King by email at KING.ROBERT@MTN-HOME.VA.GOV.


TransBabble

Drag Pageants

Eclectic is an overused word. In fact, at least one writer at IN REVIEW refuses to use it; obviously, I'm not that writer. Overused though it may be, there are times when no other word is quite so appropriate. This is one of those times.

Getting a good lead on the rest of the bar crowd by starting the week on Sunday, I accompanied a few friends to The Connection for the Midsouth's pre-eminent drag pageant and largest drag show, The Miss Tennessee Continental Pageant. In this eclectic (I had to use it!) Pageant, contestants from throughout the US compete to be "Miss Tennessee."

For the record, I was never in a pageant. Like a lot of little girls, I used to wonder what it would be like to be Miss America., but had neither the patience nor the poise for the task. A tomboy, I found football and playground fights far more entertaining tha posturing. In the post - Jon Benet days, my choice has actually become politically correct. Imagine that!

However, for years I would sit glued to the TV for Miss America, Miss USA, Miss Universe, and sometimes even the Miss Teen USA pageants. I loved seeing the pretty ladies with the weird hairdos teetering across the stage, playing piano and twirling batons. As an adult, I often skip the now impossibly boring televised pageants, but have found the same spirit alive in drag shows. You've never seen glamour until you've watched hordes of queens singing and dancing, all vying for the crown. Mark your calendars; next year's pageant is a must.

Rebekah Gleaves, In Review, August 4, 1998


Wigstock '98

Deborah Harry, CeCe Peniston, Kristine W., Byron Stingily, and other Billboard Dance Chart regulars joined some 60 performers in New York September 6 for Wigstock '98. Others in the all-day show included emcee Lady Bunny (A Wigstock founder), Honey Dijon, Sister Codie Ravioli, Flotilla DeBarge, Candis Cayne, and Sherry Vine. The celebration attracted 10,000 spectators, and took place on Pier 54 In Manhattan's West Village. The event is in its 13th year, and was the subject of Wigstock: The Movie, a 1995 feature length documentary.

Xenogeny, September 7, 1998


Even Today, Some Shakespeare Topics Can Make Us Squirm

By Kevin Nance

Mary Tanner is no stranger to drag. The talented Nashville actress who's starring as a woman disguised as a man in the Nashville Shakespeare Festival's Twelfth Night was also seen recently as Bilbo Baggins in the Nashville Children's Theatre production of The Hobbit.

In the latter show, Tanner's crossdressing had the serendipitous effect of making Bilbo seen both gentler and more alien - delighting director Scot Copeland, who hadn't considered casting a woman in the role until late in auditions. Copeland reasoned that since no one knows what hobbits are really like, perhaps they are, as a race, androgynous. A little off-center, but it works.

As Twelfth Night's Viola, however, Tanner will be re-enacting a favorite Shakespearean device that has both delighted audiences and troubled some critics (and politicians) for over 400 years. Viola poses as Cesario, the emissary of Duke Orsino, who has sent her/him to woo Countess Olivia. The trouble is, Olivia falls in love with Viola/Cesario. As Viola puts it: "My master lover her dearly/And I, poor monster, fond as much on him/And, she mistaken, seems to dote on me."

But is she mistaken entirely? Like Rosalind in As You Like It, Viola and her delicious ruse made it possible for Shakespeare to safely raise the then-forbidden issue of desire that doesn't respect gender boundaries. What is it truly, we're left to wonder, that Olivia sees in Cesario? "His honest and tenacity are so different, so totally new, that it's intriguing to her," says Helen Shute-Pettaway, who's playing Olivia. "Besides, he looks so....cute." Indeed he does, and suspiciously so. As Tanner points out, "Viola's doing this (cross-dressing) in order to survive, so it's extremely important that she pull it off. But that doesn't necessarily mean that she's very good at it."

In 1601, when Shakespeare probably wrote the Twelfth Night, this tricky gender business was made far more ticklish by the fact that the female roles were played by teenage boys. Besides accepting (apparently with considerable skill) the challenge of being a boy playing a woman - in this case a woman disguised as a young man - these young actors opened up the stage to intense attacks. Critics lambasted the theater as a hotbed of what William Prynne called in 1633 "effeminate mixed dancing," "lascivious pictures," "long hair," "amorous pastorals," and "lascivious effeminate music," among other horrors. According to Stephen Greenblatt, general editor of The Norton Shakespeare, "The enemies of the stage charged that theatrical trasvestism excited illicit sexual desires, both heterosexual and homosexual." Even in this post-RuPaul, post Birdcage era, there are some who are likely to be disturbed by situations involving characters like Viola, whether she's played by a woman or a boy. A recent article in the Washington Post about ex-gay ministries described part of their rehabilitation process as involving teaching male would-be gay - to - straight converts "to sit like men," with an ankle resting on the other knee rather than crossing one leg over the other. Would-be ex-lesbians are taught how to she their "butch" look.

All of which makes Shakespeare look ever more prescient, ever more universal, ever more timeless. What he knew then is still true. At least for some people, there's nothing scarier than a girl who acts like a boy - unless, perhaps, it's a boy who acts like a girl.

Or maybe a hobbit?

Tennessean, August 8, 1998


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