Bluegrass BelleView

October 1997

UPCOMING EVENTS

October 16th. Kentucky Counseling Association: Seminar : Transgendered Kentuckians: Care and Feeding of the Transgendered Community. See "With No Apologies" for more details.

October 18th . Bluegrass Belles Monthly Meeting, Good Shepherd Episcopal Church, corner of Main St. and Bell Ct., Lexington, KY. David Williams, the Editor in Chief of "The Letter" , and Elvin Harkins of the Royal Sovereign Imperial Court of All Kentucky are the guests of honor.

October 31st. Halloween Party Outing in Louisville. Meet for dinner, Bluegrass Brewing Company on Shelbyville Rd. in Louisville (near the Frankfort Ave/Lexington Rd. split), 730 PM; then on to "The Connection" for their annual Halloween party. Get your costumes ready!

November 15th, 8PM. Bluegrass Belles Monthly Meeting. Maria Price of Kentucky Fairness will speak.

NOW Embraces Transgendered People

From NOW Press Release

"This was a landmark resolution whose time has clearly come... It's not just the resolution, but the acknowledgment that the transgender community is today's cutting edge. Transgender people are now doing the pioneering work in exposing artificial constructs of gender and breaking down the stereotypes and barriers which divide us all," declared NOW Action Vice-President and long-time activist Rosemary Dempsey. Agreed GenderPAC's Terri McCorcal, who had helped steer the resolution over three years, "In its own way, this was as historic a moment as NOW's affirmation of lesbian inclusion over 25 years ago. After all the debate, seven amendments, and scores of small compromises and dialogues, it was a truly emotional moment when nearly every hand in the Convention went up in support. Women who had worked on this for years were crying and hugging in the aisles."

The resolution had been originally introduced and unanimously passed at NOW-NJ's State Conference in 1994. The next year, a dozen activists from the Transexual Menace showed up at the NOW's 1995 National Conference in Columbus, OH and gathered hundreds of signatures on petitions. The resolution was introduced from the Conference floor, only to be tabled to the National Board, where it languished in spite of apparently overwhelming support. The breakthrough came when NOW-NJ's Bear Atwood was able to arrange an invitation for representatives from GenderPAC and allied groups to address NOW's state presidents at their annual State Coordinators Conference in San Francisco last January. As a result, a number of State Presidents came out in support of the measure. In addition, Ms. Ireland herself was present at the presentation, and an invitation to address the full National Board came shortly thereafter.

[Text of Resolution passed at NOW National Conference]

OPPRESSION OF TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE
WHEREAS, the National Organization for Women (NOW) has worked for the elimination of all forms of oppression in our society targeted at groups who are systematically mistreated;

WHEREAS, the transgender and transsexual communities confront oppression daily and are systematically mistreated because of artificial gender constructs in our society;

WHEREAS, there is a lack of understanding and information on issues affecting transgendered and transsexual people;WHEREAS, one of NOW's goals is to eliminate all sex stereotypes including so-called gender roles;WHEREAS, NOW affirms and honors the right of people to self-identify;

THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, that NOW and its sub-units encourage education and dialogue within NOW and other organizations on gender and sex stereotypes.including those who are transgendered and transsexual people.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that NOW reaffirm its commitment to end all sex and gender stereotypes.

BE IT FINALLY RESOLVED, that we acknowledge that gender is a patriarchal social construct used to oppress women.


The Letter to add "Transgender to Masthead

By David Williams

Effective with the October issue of The Letter -Kentucky's gay and lesbian newspaper, the masthead will be changed to reflect the newspaper's official policy of inclusiveness. It will now read The Letter - Kentucky's gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender newspaper Prior to the change, the newspaper had an official written policy of inclusiveness for all segments of the community but continued using "gay and lesbian" to describe itself. The change simply reinforces the newspaper'longstanding policies.


Left of Center

By Pamela DeGroff

(Editor's Note: Pamela DeGroff is the Treasurer of the Tennessee Vals, and a person who I'm honored to call a friend. She has an interesting take on life, theology and transgenderism, one I hope you enjoy - Anne)

I usually try to keep "Left of Center" humorous and on the light side. However, every now and then, I feel the need to discuss something serious. The content of this month's Left of Center is extremely different from anything I've ever written before. The recent controversy over the Southern Baptist boycott of Disney has prompted me to add my two cents worth. My background includes several years of Bible College and several years more of involvement in Christian music, so I feel qualified to discuss a theological issue. What I'm not trying to do here, though, is use this as a forum to shove my personal religious convictions down anyone's throat. That is not what true spirituality is about. I have friends from many different faiths including pagan. I respect these people as people, each has found a belief system that works for them. I regard our differences as something that makes us interesting.

So why write this? During a recent meeting at Stonewall Mission Church, it was suggested that an interesting topic for discussion would be "Why People Hate." The more I thought about this question, and the more I read concerning the Baptist boycott, I realized that many writers have missed an important part of the issue. The Baptists have clearly ignored portions of scripture, that when studied in relation to the total word of God, make their entire argument almost moot. Personally, over the years, I have grown increasingly sick and tired of the type of bigotry masked as religion that says, "You can't possibly be a Christian unless you're just like me." Well, quite frankly, Bubba, in order to be "just like you" I would have to gain 40 pounds, marry my sister, and lose about 100 IQ points. No thank you.

Finally, I'd like to say that this piece is loaded down with scripture references because: (A) this is part of my background and training, and (B) I wanted to show that my thinking is based on something other than totally subjective opinion. Please read it with an open mind. Thank you.

WHY DO PEOPLE HATE?

Why do people hate? Before we examine why, let's take a preliminary look at a few things. Webster defines hate as an intense dislike or animosity towards something. According to this definition, then, each of us can say that we have experienced what it is to hate. On a personal level, I hate cold weather - precisely any temperature below 70 degrees. Neither am I very fond of macaroni and cheese. One thing I really hate is when I get a flat tire on a rainy day when I'm wearing anything white. These are all circumstances, situations or things. Each of us can come up with a similar list of things we'd rather not deal with. When we say we hate these things, and when we're going through these experiences, then most of us can honestly say we're feeling hatred towards the experience or thing in question. But hatred directed towards another human being is hared on an entirely different level.

Perhaps we should rephrase the question to read "Why do people hate other people?"

On the surface, it seems like we could answer this by saying, "That's simple. WE hate THEM because they're different than us." Different how? Could be any number of things: race, religion, language, sexual orientation, ethnicity. Fill in the blank here with almost any reason you want. This kind of hatred, though, is learned behavior. If you've ever seen a group of very young children playing together, you'll notice they're not concerned about any differences. We could have a long discussion about how much attention children actually pay to each other, but the fact is that even the youngest kids are aware of such concepts as gender and race. However, they don't delineate one as being better than another. They have to be taught that these difference separate people into categories that other people consider "good" or "bad." To the child, even the kids that are different are still just someone else to play with. That's all that matters.

If these are some of the reasons that cause people to hate, then at what point do weget so used to it that we no longer ask "why?" Hatred, just like love, has to be nurtured in order to exist at all. We have seen a prime example of this when a major Christian denomination decided to make intolerance a part of their national agenda. They, and others like them, are able to do this because of two mind sets that have permeated the Christian church. Not only is it a valid question to ask, "Why do people hate, but we also have cause to ask, "Why would Christians be involved in such attitudes?"

The first of these mind sets is what I call The Sheep Mentality. Isaiah 53:6 states in part, "All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned every one to his own way." Couple this Old Testament verse with Christ's own words (in particular Matthew 10:6, 12:12. 15:24 and 25:32 - also John 10:1-17, and you can see how the relationship of sheep and shepherd is a central theme of Christianity. However, the Isaiah passage was never meant to be an analogy of something to aspire to. We aren't told to become sheep. Instead, it's pointed out that we're already there. Sheep by their very nature, are followers. Take a flock of sheep that is headed east. Select one sheep. Pull him out of the flock and point him west. Chances are he'll get lost and starve to death. Definitely not a creature noted for its ability as an independent thinker. Yet the truth of this is missed by most Christians. When we're told we're like sheep, it's not a compliment, but rather as an insult. People, however, continue to buy into believing that they have to be sheep. And sheep aren't supposed to ask questions. Often in extreme cases, when someone questions their church's authority, they are made to feel like second class citizens simply because they choose to do their own thinking. Conveniently ignored is Philippians 2:12 which states in part ".work out your own salvations with fear and trembling." This clearly puts the responsibility for an individual's life, in both thought and deed, upon the individual. In any church where the Sheep Mentality thrives, where there are no checks and balances on those in charge, it won't take long for a "we're better than everyone else" attitude to develop.

Why do people hate? When you don't know you're being taught to hate, because you're taught not to question anything, you don't know any better. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to ask why people allow themselves to be manipulated to such a degree that their attitudes are controlled for them? This brings us to the second most prevalent, and destructive, mind set that can be found in many churches. Simply stated, it is the inability to distinguish between religion and relationship. Christianity, in its truest form, is an individual having a relationship with God the Father through Christ the Son. No more, no less. Like any relationship, it is something personal between the people involved. This makes it completely subjective (i.e. particular to a given individual). This is true spirituality - when God Himself reaches down to whomever is receptive.

Religion, on the other hand, is purely objective, meaning it tries to be common to all. It attempts to present spirituality in a way that can be observed and measured by the mind. It is therefore man's attempt to reach God. Since it doesn't fully recognize the individual, religion becomes fertile ground for abuse and narrow mindedness. Human history is littered with examples of the excesses of intolerant religions. Rather than catalog such abuses, let's look at example from the Bible of someone who did understand the difference between religion and relationship. In Luke 7:1-10, and Matthew 8:5-10, we find the story of the Roman Centurion who sought out Jesus to heal a favorite servant who was ill. Before Jesus even got to the Centurion's house, he was met by friends of the man who said that if Christ would only say the word, then the servant would be healed. Here was a man who understood the power of authority, being a military commander. Because of this, he was able to recognize true authority in another. Being a Roman citizen, he no doubt came to Israel as a non- believer. However at some point in this man's life, he was able to develop a relationship with the God of the Jews. In so doing, he was able to spiritually recognize the Messiah. He didn't go through a religious ceremony in order to obtain healing for his servant; instead, he drew upon the relationship that Christ has with those who believe in Him. This in turn caused the Lord to marvel at the man's faith. Plainly, a true spiritual relationship transcends any form of religion or custom that will put constraints on the ability to feel compassion.

So why do people who claim to have the same form of relationship allow themselves to get involved with doctrines of hatred? How hard is it to ignore Matthew 7:1 - "Judge not, that ye be not judged."? Judgment can lead to hatred, and this type of hypocritical, spiritually dead logic leads to what is discussed in I John 3:15- "Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer, and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him." Exodus 20:13 makes it even plainer - "Thou shalt not kill." It's easy to ignore what you don't want to see. It's easy to follow the herd and not be burdened with doing your own thinking. It's easy to follow religious rules that can beignored from time to time when it's convenient. It's easy not to have a relationship that takes some input on your part. So, why do people hate?

Because it's easy

IN CONCLUSION.

So what does all this have to do with transgendered issues? Consider this: Disney is a giant corporation, with many different business entities. While the boycott in question was brought about because of Disney's recognition of gays and lesbians, we know that numerically a company that size will of course number many trans people among their workers. This can and does affect us. We have to be aware of what is going on around us in the community at large, and not just what happens at our conventions, meetings and social gatherings. If we really want the powers that be to take us seriously, then we have to keep ourselves informed. Remember, knowledge, as the old saying goes, is power.

Thanks for letting me have this little rant. It's getting hard to stand on a soap box with these heels.?

Love, kisses,

Pamela DeGroff


With No Apologies....

By Dawn Wilson
Counseling the Counselors

Marie Curie, the noted Nobel Prize chemist, faces many twists and turns in her career, a career in which she met challenge after challenge. As she did this, she made a very keen observation in human relations: Curie noted that "one never notices what has been done, only what remains to be done". It's very true, but what does this have to do with you? A lot. The Belles have been asked to conduct a seminar on TG issues at the American Counseling Association national convention, which will be held in Louisville October 16th. It will be titled "Transgendered Kentuckians: Care And Feeding of the Transgendered Community", and will define TG and support groups, resources, community activities, and everyday struggles of the TG community. This is a prime opportunity to examine what has been done, and influence what must be done yet. We have an opportunity to retrain and educate the very people we need to continue upon the transgendered road. We obviously want to give an accurate, positive, and educational presentation that will win friends and influence people. We need for some of you to come in person, so these people can hear your concerns, suggestions, and horror stories. It takes place at Executive West Hotel, Shannon Room, 830 Phillips Ln., (near the Fairgrounds Main Entrance), Louisville, from 930AM to 1020AM. At 130PM to 235PM, we will also be part of the Resource-A-Rama in the Queen of Scots Room, where we can get to know members of the counseling profession. We need at least 4 Belles (Significant Others are also encouraged, as you are part of the community and have issues) to be part of this. Let's take this important opportunity to teach the teachers!

Cora's Little Lamb Was Raised By Wolves.

Cora was my biological mother; she died when I was five, as did my Dad. The wolves are my family, and, like a wolf pack, we protect our own. The Chief Wolves - Luella and John - became my second set of parents. They were the one who molded me into the person I am today. It was they who not only embraced this young African American TS but taught me about the community and its visages. The last few months have been very trying, not only with my parents and their illnesses, but the Fairness decision as well. Let just say, if I wasn't distracted, things would have been a lot different! It was my parents who taught me never to handle anyone"with a long handled spoon". It is a maxim I follow to this day, as I listen to the fallout of the Fairness decision. Already the finger pointing has begun . There have been many statements made by membersof Fairness about me and the Belles. These statements not only show the frustration of the movement but the prejudical, tactless and illogical behavior of a few people. It was not the fault of the transgenders that Fairness failed. Nor was it the fault of the bisexuals. It was the fault of those people who marched blindly into compromises. It is the fault of those people who failed to "know their enemy as well as themselves".(from Sun Tzu's The Art of War). It is the fault of those members of the transgendered community in Louisville for not asking others for help. Case in point: If I had of known of this in advance, your sisters in TN, GA, OH, WV and Fayette would have been there to support you from the begining. Due to leadership mistakes of the past, such as alienating members and verbally atacking other groups, you could not be trusted. Therefore no help. It is commendable that Bisexuals wanted to help us and they did the best job they could with what they knew. But now it is time for new tactics and new players.

What am I getting at? Simple. From this point on, the gay and lesbian community is on notice. It is time for protest, since we are the trash you want to force out! I have begun the process of mobilization of Transexual Menace. I am preparing to fight, we will not be left out again! No justice, No Peace, No Mercy! It is time to bring Da Pain! It is time to get serious about rights. So far, Fairness has given lip service to a lot of things : racial conflict, social intergration, and class. When I hear questions, like these: "Why are all black lesbians angry?", or "Aren't all Transsexuals Woodworked?", I know we have a problem. It is time to come to grips realistically with our divisions and ourselves. 7-3 should have never happened. But, it did, and we have no one to blame but ourselves. Pity. The saddest words of speech or pen are these three words: .....it might have been.

Dawn J Wilson

 


Evanston, IL Passes TG Inclusion Ordinance

On July 28, the Evanston City Council made history as Evanston became the first city in Illinois to extend human rights protection to their transgendered residents and visitors. The Council voted unanimously in favor of Ordinance 61-O -97, which adds transgendered individuals as a protected class to their Human Rights Ordinance. This ordinance prohibits discrimination in employment, public accommodation and housing.

This historic vote was the result of representatives of It's Time, Illinois! (ITI), a transgendered political advocacy organization, meeting with Paula Haynes, Director of the Human Relations Commission in Evanston. Ms. Haynes was immediately receptive to inclusion since she has received complaints of discrimination of this type through her offices. The effort was spearheaded by Miranda Stevens, vice-chair of ITI. After meetings with Ms. Haynes the issue was brought before the Human Relations Commission. ITI suggested that sexual orientation be defined in the Human Rights Ordinance as encompassing both affectional relationships and gender identity. The Commission unanimously voted to adopt ITI's inclusive language and to present it to City Council as an amendment to the Evanston City Code.

The proposed ordinance was first presented on July 7, 1997, by David Bradford, Chair of the Human Relations Commission, to Evanston's Human Services Committees, which is made up of 5 City Council members. At this meeting, ITI's report on hate crimes and discrimination was presented to all committee members. Testimony was presented by several members of ITI, as well as Drs. Fred and Randi Ettner who are both Evanston residents who have many transgendered patients in their medical and psychiatric practices. Also testifying was Ellie and Louis Altman who are parents of a female to male transsexual son. The Human Services Committee voted unanimously to present the measure to the City Council for action on July 28, 1997.

At the July 28 meeting, nearly 2 dozen supporters from the transgender and gay community were present. During the citizen comment portion of the meeting, six people stood up and spoke to support the measure. David Bradford, chair of the Human Relations Commission spoke first and framed the ordinance. Miranda Stevens then explained who transgendered people are and why this protection is needed. She said, "For most of you, this is the first time you've encountered a transgendered person, outside of stereotypical caricatures on television or movies. We hope that by the end of the evening, we would have put a more human face on our community." Next a transgendered Evanston resident and an MBA student, who had never come out before, spoke of the fear of discrimination she lives with every day, and how she fears for her job if she was "outed". A statement followed this from a transsexual woman who works in Evanston. She spoke about how this was not "special" rights but equal and that she would feel more secure with this protection. Rick Garcia, who is the Executive Director of the Illinois Federation for Human Rights, spoke on how his statewide organization supports the transgender community and how "arbitrary discrimination is immoral and should be illegal". Ellie Altman, the founder of the first support group for parents of transgender children, was the last to comment. She said, "We are your neighbors, your friends." She spoke of how she was struck by the fact that so many transgendered children are rejected by their own families. She proudly showed a framed 8 x 10 photograph of her son as he received his Ph.D. degree. Before the vote, Alderman Joseph Kent, chair of the Human Services Committee, spoke eloquently about the leadership that Evanston has always taken on human rights and that this issue was "huge". He acknowledged that this ordinance would not completely take away the pain and difficulty that transgender people deal with in their lives. But with this protection, they can work to support themselves and their families. He said that every suburb and city and state must understand that we are all human beings first and deserve the same rights. Alderman Gene Feldman said that he was "proud" that Evanston was the first Illinois community to include this protection. While he confessed that he could not possibly understand what it must be like to live as a transgendered person, this ordinance is a "vital and important beginning" to the long struggle of achieving equal rights for all transgendered individuals. When one of the council suggested that employment discrimination be removed from consideration, Alderman Feldman made an impassioned plea, saying "That would cut the heart out of the ordinance."

The council then unanimously voted (9-0) to pass the ordinance. The gallery stood up and applauded the city council for their decision. "This is why we founded ITI nearly two years ago", said Stephanie Young - chair and co-founder of ITI. "The credit for this goes to all the members of ITI and the transgendered community who have supported us. We also need to thank the gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual organizations that have supported us as well. It is truly a group effort." "It has been a remarkable experience working with the people of Evanston," said Ms. Stevens. "The Human Relations Commission and the City Council demonstrated a depth of understanding and compassion for humanity which is truly remarkable in this day and age. They should be very proud of what they achieved tonight." "This is a very forward decision by Evanston" stated Janice Galeckas - Secretary/Treasurer and co- founder of ITI. "It can be a template by which other towns can step forward and grant protection to all citizens."

ITI is now focusing on it's efforts in Oak Park, followed by Cook County and the City of Chicago. In addition ITI is working with the Illinois Federation on inclusive language for the sexual orientation amendment to the Illinois Human Rights Act. For more information contact: It's Time, Illinois!, PO Box 33, Oak Forest, IL 60452, 708-535- 1506 (voice and fax), stephanie-young@worldnet.att.net

AEGIS News Digest, 7/29/97

 


Toodles

By Terri Hambaugh

I won!

On September 26, 1997, in New Albany, IN, after 1 1/2 years in court, I was finally awarded custody of my 11 year old son. Needless to say, it was a long, hard road, and a dirty fight. Having to sit in the court room, have a bunch of strangers see 30" X 30" color pictures of me crossdressed, and have your transgenderism described in the most demeaning and sickest way possible by the one person in the world I thought I could trust, was the worst part. Indiana isn't known for its tolerance of the gay/les/bi/trans community. Being male is bad enough, but being trans too, I figured that I didn't stand a chance. I guess I was lucky that I got a judge that had the best interest of the child in mind instead of punishing a dress wearing faggot. He did say that he didn't agree with my lifestyle, but since I was keeping it a secret, it didn't matter.

I consider being transgendered a handicap. With the decision of the judge, I remember that handicapped people have rights too. If you believe in what you are doing and fight for it, you will receive justice.

Terri

 


Our Time In Eden

By Anne Casebeer

Dirty Laundry

"I make my living off the evening news,

Just give me something,

something I can use,

People love it when you lose,

they love dirty laundry,

Well, I could have been an actor,

but I wound up here,

I just have to look good,

I don't have to be clear,

Come and whisper in my ear,

give me dirty laundry"

Don Henley

OOOOHHHHH, Marv! Welcome to the transgendered community, Marv Albert. Or, would you rather be known as Marva, or perhaps Marta? Now, we all know that there are a lot more people that crossdress that anyone suspects. The statistics are inaccurate because of closeting, but I've seen the figure of 5-7% of the male population. Question here is a difficult one: do we really want to claim Marv Albert as one of us? Should the TG support groups in Manhattan be expecting another member? And, is he transgendered just because he likes wearing frilly underthings while engaging in mattress trampolining?

Well, Marv Albert's choice of apparel during bedroom gymnastics does have a name. It's called fetishistic crossdressing. It's not uncommon. There are many men who prefer silk next to their skin, and many of these find arousal that way. Some of these people are satisfied wearing silk panties under their HartMarx suits, or just don the black garter belt prior to late night encounters. And, yes, in my humble and nonprofessional opinion, they're transgendered. Yes, Marv Albert is part of our community, even if the toupees he wears just aren't passable, and he needs a little lipstick and eye shadow...

There is a lot about this case that bothers me. I'm bothered by the fact that Mr. Albert seems to have a low level of respect and gentility towards the ladies with whom he has liasons.Human beings can behave as they wish with consenting adults behind closed doors, and I admit to being quite unimaginative in that area of life. A comedian whose name I have forgotten once made a joke about German people being unimaginative and boring lovers, and that may be true in my case. Still, I'd say that biting, using whips and instruments, so forth, with a partner without their consent or permission would be rather disrespectful behavior, to say the least. I'm not an S&M person, but my limited knowledge of that sort of thing tells me that there is a code of acceptable conduct that demands that each persons limits be respected. In all areas of life, the limits and boundaries of other people must not be infringed upon.

On the other hand, we have the problem of inflammatory, sensationalistic journalism. When people crossdress and are caught in compromising positions, it makes for good stories for "Hard Copy." We're still curiosities or freaks to most people. Elsewhere in this newsletter, you will see the story of Terri's custody battle. The most significant part of this story to me, other than the fact that the good girl won for once, is that her ex-wife sought to obtain custody through the malicious use of photographs of Terri crossdressed in open court. I look forward to the day when a non-passable crossdresser can walk through a mall and not even attract an sideways glance. At some point soon, crossdressing won't even be a story anymore. "Inside Edition" might be irritated that trannies no longer attract attention, but I will rejoice. The fact is, transgenderism is a fact of life. World, deal with us, we will not go quietly.

Still, we must live in the real world that exists today. Marv Albert is a celebrity, a visible and well known public figure, probably the finest basketball play-by-play man presently in broadcasting (Cawood Ledford, the long-time Kentucky announcer, was the finest, but he retired a couple years ago). People in that position should realize that their actions are never entirely private; ask former Senators Gary Hart and Robert Packwood. His escapade, whether behind closed doors or not, has made transgenderism a joke once again. I don't find the joke to be very funny. I don't want to suggest that we all go back into the closet - the opposite is needed. We need to show our faces in public more, doing public things, behaving in a respectful and honorable manner, carrying ourselves as ladies and gentlemen at all times. Whether Marv Albert wants to identify with us or not, he's transgendered; problem is, he's brought some dishonor upon us as well. We need to overcome that with public visibility and positive examples of transpeople doing visible, positive things. We need to do positive things, act in a positive manner, and be noticed by those who count.
Freedom & Mascara

Anne Casebeer

 


But, Totally...

By Angela Bridgman

Anger: A Survivor's Story

What words would I use to describe myself? Survivor, certainly. Warrior? In a way, yes. Angry? You'd better believe it! This is more than a survivor's story, I think. This is my way of healing something which has poisoned my very soul for 15 years. I have finally come to the realization that it was not my fault.

I am a survivor of incest. Incest is, I think, the worst form of rape. Let's face it, let's not put a pretty face on it, incest is rape, pure and simple! Rape of a different, and much more insidious form. In the case of incest, you know, and usually trust the person who then violates your trust, your body, and your soul. Then, too, incest is NEVER a once and done thing. It happens over YEARS, and even after the acts cease, the rape continues, because your trust has been violated on the most elemental level. This is similar to what victims of date rape feel. Unlike victims of date rape, however, one is made to feel that they must continue to have a working relationship with the person who has violated them. (O.K., I said I won't put a pretty face on it, the person who has raped them, body, mind, and soul). If the incest is still a secret, then the victim must have a working relationship to keep up the front. (We'll get to the fallacy of this thought later) If it is known, among family members, often, the entire family will take sides against the victim, and make them feel as though they must be silent, for the sake of the family's "face".

While the incest is occurring, often, you are just enduring. Survival comes later. The

warrior part comes in while the incest is occurring, but unfortunately, too many of us picked our own selves to do battle with, rather than our tormentor. In my case, my tormentor was my brother, who was only 1 1/2 years older than me. He didn't need to use any physical force whatsoever. He had a better way: blackmail. At the time this started, I was a nine-year-old boy. A nine-year-old boy with a unique (or so I thought at the time) condition. At that time, I knew nothing of transsexuals, or even crossdressers. I was sure I was the only boy in the world who had the desire, the NEED, to dress up in women's clothes. And my brother knew it. My brother, at the time, was eleven. He had just begun to get interested in girls, as most adolescent boys do. After his first "puppy love" broke, he turned to me, to replace what he was no longer getting. I didn't find out, until much later, that the "puppy love" was much more than it had seemed. My brother, and the girl in question lost their virginity together. "If you want to dress like a girl, then you have to act like a girl." So sayeth my brother. "Besides, you'd rather be a girl anyway, wouldn't you?" This was true, too, and he knew it. I didn't know it then, that it was not only possible, but in fact, a dream which I would eventually realize. Let me point out here, that for the most part, incest has NOTHING to do with being a girl. Too often, though, it is a part of a girl's life experience. Sometimes, it happens to boys, too. In fact, I had often ended my prayers with "Please God, make me a girl. Amen." I kept hoping I would wake up in the morning to find that God had finally granted my wish. I'm sure my brother must have heard my prayers before, because he knew about it. He decided that he would "teach me to be a girl". "And if you ever tell," my brother threatened, "I'll tell Mom and Dad all about your dressing up, and I'll tell your all your friends, too." Well, that was as good as riveting my mouth shut. I certainly had no desire to be beaten up after school every day, which is exactly what I feared would happen, if word of my crossdressing got out, and so, I became a warrior.

My father was a traveling salesman, and often traveled two or three weeks straight, and so, was often gone. When he was around, he was usually drunk, and abused me physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally. He NEVER abused me sexually. Does anyone yet wonder why I feel the family is a failed American institution? Does anyone wonder yet, why I laugh when these right-wingers talk about family values? Where the hell were the family values when THIS was going on? Because my father was gone so often, and usually drunk when he was around, my brother had to assume the role of "man of the house". This caused him to grow up very fast, and caused me to view him almost as the father I never had. He did so well at this that he had everyone fooled. My mother would describe him as super-responsible.Over the years, I came to associate many of the things he did for me as the things a father would do. That, of course, was before he started abusing me. He was, until then, the father I'd never had. In fact, I think now, that I never really had a father. I do owe some perverse thanks, though, to my biological father, which is exactly how I must describe him. He messed me up so badly, emotionally, that I was removed from school, and later, my home, sparing me years of continued rape at the hands of my brother, although, at that time, no one knew about it, except him, and me. At age eleven, I was placed in a residential school for "emotionally disturbed students", a euphemism for intelligent, incorrigible children. Because of this, my brother didn't "have at me" as often as he could have, as often as he WOULD have. The incest occured when I was between the ages of nine and fourteen. I was in the school from the ages of eleven to fourteen. My brother would still "have at me" on my home visits. Needless to say, I never said a word about it. No wonder I would become "anxious and restless the week before any home visit", as my teachers and counselors at the school put it.

I think, at this point, I need to touch on the subjects of silence, and anger. If you are a victim of incest, do not be silent! Your silence will not protect you! In fact, your silence will only ensure that your tormentor will "have at you" again, and again! Anger is, I think, the most misunderstood emotion there is. There is value in anger. Anger is a survival mechanism. Anger occurs when one feels attacked, or invaded. Anger, therefore, is also a reaction, not necessarily an emotion. Many people seem to feel that, in order to heal from incest, or any other form of abuse, you must dump your anger. I beg to differ! You can have anger, as I do, as long as you don't allow it to consume you, or to rule (or ruin) your life. Anger keeps you wary, on your toes, to prevent being invaded or attacked again.

I suppressed memory of these incidents after they ceased, for 10 years. It all came back, shortly after I began therapy to begin my eventual transition into the woman I had always been. I had flashbacks. I know that people who have suppressed memory aren't crackpots. I know this from personal experience. The flashbacks were every bit as bad as the actual experiences. It felt as though it was happening all over again. That's where anger comes in. Anger, I think, is the first sign of healing. Thank God I had a supportive, and loving therapist to get me through all of this. Thank you Mary. The worst part of it was when I finally found the courage to confront my brother with it, and later, when I found the courage to tell my parents what had happened. This was when I was 24. My brother had become a "born again" Christian, and a Southern Baptist. Yet, he never once tried to make amends to me for what he did. That, I believe is required, in order to be a true "born again" Christian. If he asked me for forgiveness today, I'd give it to him, but I'd never forget, or trust him again. The fact that I am willing to forgive him is all the healing I can ever expect. When I confronted him with my suppressed memories, and my flashbacks, he admitted that he, too remembered it, that he had done it, and never once tried to apologize or make amends. His rationale: "God has forgiven me for that." In my anger I could only say this, and still, I can only say this: "Fine, God has forgiven you for this, what has He done for me? I only have to live with it, you son-of-a #$%@#!" Of course, now I would alter that, because God did do something for me. He gave me the strength to deal with it, and the courage to write this, so that maybe it might help someone else. It gets worse. I told my parents (big mistake). You see, my brother was still "good kid", and I was "bad kid", because my parents knew of, and did not approve of, my transsexual status. They did not believe me. They called my brother, and asked him about it. The son-of-a #$%@# denied it! Of course he denied it! What else did you expect, you fool? I must say, right here and now, that if the first person you tell doesn't believe you, then tell someone else! Keep telling people until someone believes you! At first, they believed him. After a while, I was so insistent, that I wore my parents down to the point where the didn't disbelieve me. My brother finally came to the point where he would neatly sidestep the issue whenever it came up between my parents and him. He would never confirm, or deny, that I was, in fact, telling the truth. That's where it got worse, rather than better. My parents wanted to know why I was silent for so long. They accused me of liking it, and wanting it! "After all," went their rationale, "why not, you wanted to be a woman anyway." True enough, but I must re-state here, what happened to me has nothing to do with being a woman, but is, unfortunately, too often a part of a woman's life experience.

Angry? You'd better believe it! But it doesn't consume me, or rule my life. Because my anger is focused, and directed exactly where it belongs: Against my brother, and my parents. My family relations are shot, but at least, I am healed. At least, as healed as I'll ever be. Something like this leaves permanent scars!

I share this story in the hope that in will help others like me. It wasn't until very recently that I learned how many of us survivors were out there. Two very special people helped mw to have to courage to write this for all to see, and judge. One is my friend Amy. The other is an Email pal from Iceland. Both are survivors. Thank you, anDrea, for your story. I am also writing this out of a sense of responsibility. I wasn't aware how widespread incest experiences were among transgendered prople, particularly, the male-to-female transgendered people, my sisters. They are, to me, more family than my own flesh and blood ever could be, and I think it's sad that I have to say that, but it's true. If you are transgendered and a survivor, or if you are not transgendered, and are a survivor, know this: You are not alone! You did not ask for it, any more than you asked to be born! Or, if you are transgendered, you didn't ask for it any more than you asked to be transgendered!

This has been written in the spirit of love, and healing. I hope it helps another victim, another warrior, to become a survivor.

With love,

Angela Bridgman

The Bluegrass BelleView is the newsletter of the Bluegrass Belles Transgender Support Group. We serve and welcome crossdressers, transsexuals, significant others/friends/family members of transgendered people, and anyone else with a legitimate interest in transgenderism. We are not a sexual encounter group. Our mailing address is PO Box 20173, Louisville, KY. 40250. Any similar group may reprint any of the articles herein with permission of the editor and writer; contact us at PO Box 20173, Louisville, KY. 40250.