BGB BelleView April/May 1999

The 1999 IFGE Standing United Convention was a great success for BGB! Thanks to all who attended and helped. Now, we have some important work to do.......

Meeting Saturday, May 15, First Unitarian Church, 4th and York St., Louisville, 8PM (doors open at 630)

There will be a clothing sale held at the May meeting! Bring your femme or male clothes that no longer fit or need repair, and we'll add them to the sale, to benefit BGB. Also, shoes, makeup (no used mascara or liner, please), wigs, and jewelry are welcome. It's a chance to clean out your closet, put to use items of clothing you might never use or that don't fit, pick up bargains, and laugh at other people's past fashion mistakes (just kidding).

Dues are due NOW!

If you haven't done so already, you need to pay your dues, which are $24 per year. The meeting fee is now $5.00 per month/$7.50 for non members. You must be dues-paid to participate in the Board Elections.

BGB Board Elections To Be Held At May 15 Meeting

Until now, BGB's board has been an all-volunteer body. It's worked for 2 years now, but some members of the board wish to retire from their positions, while others wish to hold other positions. New leadership is good for any group, and BGB will be no exception. At the April business meeting, it was decided to elect a new board and restructure the board. The following offices are going to be board - level: President, Vice-President, Secretary, Treasurer, Outreach, Events, and Newsletter Editor. The se people have come forward to run for office, as of May 1, 1999. I hope others decide to do so at the time of election, as there is nobody running as of this writing for Newsletter Editor. Anne


Terri Hambaugh & Evelyn Lichtsteiner for Events Coordinator

To get right to the point, Terri Hambaugh and I (Evelyn Lichtsteiner) would like to run for the Events Coordinator position. Terri is the creative one that can come up with new innovative ideas for events but lacks the skills in getting her ideas implemented. Personally, I feel I have the skills to put things together and get them going. This is why Terri and I would like to run together as a couple/team, if it will be allowed.

Evelyn: - I would very much like to have a more active role in BGB. This exhilaration to be more involved came directly from attending the convention. It was so inspiring to me that I want to do more and be more involved. I was hoping that being on the ground floor with getting an SO meeting started would be enough of an involvement; however, I don't believe it will. Running for Events Coordinator can only be of help to me with the SO meetings on a positive social level. I am absolutely thrilled with this prospect. I will do my best in this position and be a real asset to BGB.

Terri - I feel that I have a very good understanding of what a support group is supposed to do for its members. I have worked unofficially with Dawn Wilson in LGS as well as BGB to help her provide the things that will make the group the standard for groups throughout the country. I am always providing suggestions to Dawn about what the other members want or need. I feel that being a CD places me in a better position to get a feel for what the group wants and needs for both CD's and TS's


Cindy Lee For Secretary

I would like to put my name ( Cindy Lee) on the election ballot for Secretary of BGB. I want to work towards continuing to help the group grow and become an ever greater support group. I would like to help have more activities and have functions such as a Christmas Party at possibly the Holiday Inn. Have more information available to the members, have several girls and boys night out where we would go out to dinner once a month. I know that if it wasn't for this group and other like it I would still be in the closet hiding. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and others for helping me and making it possible to enjoy my feminine side. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to go into a restaurant like the Seelbach Hotel, be greeted and seated by the receptionist and treated like a lady by the staff during dinner just like any other female would be treated. I would like to help others enjoy this wonderful experience.


Angela Bridgman for Vice President

I'm Angela Bridgman, and I am running for the position of Vice - President. Why? Simply put, I am the best suited for the job. So, what exactly is the job?? It is not dissimilar from the job the VP of the United States has...fill in when the Prez is unable to do something, because of other concerns, and, usually, the VP is given some odd tasks to do,, often at the spur of the moment, and also is expected to fill in when any other Board member is not able to fulfill the responsibilities of their position. Pretty tough job, and it takes someone who is reliable to be there. Since I came to join BGB, I have missed only two general meetings, and one Board meeting.

There is a lot of work to do in a support group, and you must cast your vote for the person who has, can, and will continue to be reliable to do the work. Has the person you are considering voting for done the work required of them? Have they been as reliable as I have? Were they there when they were needed, and did they do the work that was expected of them? Remember, it is not a popularity contest. If it were, I have no doubt as to the outcome. But it is not about that. This is not about who you would rather go out to party with, it is a serious question of who has done the work, and who can be counted on time and time again to do the work.

So, let's take a look at what I have done so far. I was the founder of what is now the second largest Renaissance Chapter in the country, Ren-Lehigh Valley. After moving to Kentucky, I took on the job of Outreach Coordinator, to help make this group more than double in size, to the size it is now. Many of you in this group made your initial contact with me...I was the person you reached out to during that scary time of coming out. It is a very important job. I was able to help set people up with resources and info to help them come out, and to come to peace with themselves.

As founder and Chair of It's Time, Kentucky! I have made allies of our local GLB community. With their help, ITKY was instrumental in getting a gender-inclusive Fairness bill passed in Louisville, and similar legislation is pending for Jefferson County, and the State of Kentucky...and our plans also call for working with the blessings of It's Time, Indiana, to help those of us who work in Indiana to enjoy the same freedoms we have acquired. Finally, at the IFGE Convention, I organized 2 of the evening events, including the first-ever TG Comedy Show, which raised $600 for IFGE and Fairness, in order that we might continue to fight for Fairness for all TG people. Also, at the convention, I gave a seminar, did a brief, unplanned comedy routine Friday night, when the planned entertainment failed to show up, and also got tapped at the last minute to help make arrangements for the return flight of a handicapped person at the convention. I also ran the lights at the Saturday night awards banquet. All of this, while simultaneously getting acquainted with a new job, and dealing with my father's illness, back home in Pennsylvania. When work was needed for the convention, I was there doing it, as I shall in the role of Vice-President for this group.

Remember, this is not about who you would rather go partying with, and it is not a popularity contest. It is about getting the work done. I think the record clearly shows that I have, can and will continue to do the work which is needed, and I would appreciate your support.


Dawn Wilson for Outreach Coordinator

As the outgoing president, I want to say how much fun I have had founding and leading this group, but time marches on, and so must I. However, I do plan on running for the position of Outreach Coordinator. It's a vitally important position that has some very serious ramifications for the group. Being effective at outreach requires a candidate to have the following: tact, media savvy, business acumen, leadership skills, self control and above all vision! I have all of these things. I have been trained by the US Senate, Transylvania University, UK and GLAAD in how to lead and deal with the media. I have been a member of the Frankfort Avenue Area Business Association, the Crescent Hill Community Council, and a manager & team leader at Tek Systems.

Here's what I plan to do as Outreach Coordinator:

-go on radio talk shows to help other come out in Louisville - set up transgendered friendly shopping areas - set up transgendered friendly places to eat and club - identify counselors and services for the group - be on call 24-7 for newcomers (I already have a dual number pager/cell phone.- host 2 coffees a month for newbies and SO'S - develop a TG job bank for the group. These are only a few things I will and can do. Some of these I have already started on. I seek these offices not for myself, but for the good of the group. That what it is about .... the group, not the individual. So on May 15th, come to the meeting and vote for Dawn Wilson for Outreach Coordinator.


Anne Casebeer for President

I must be crazy!

Well, yes, I, Anne Casebeer, being of unsound mind and body, havedecided to run for President, and have challenged George W. Bush, Al Gore, Elizabeth Dole, Ross Perot, Bill Bradley, and Lamar Alexander to a debate; J. Danforth Quayle to a spelling bee; and Gary Bauer to a duel....... Whaddaya mean, wrong presidency....oh, jeez, you are right. No, I'm just running for the presidency of BGB, and that's the exact point: this is the presidency of a TG social & support group. This is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be a labor of love, which for me, it'll be.

Which is not to say that there isn't work to be done. The IFGE convention and Fairness fight were both wonderful, but they made us turn our backs on some of the things we built this group on...the fun outings, the shopping trips, the impromptu unplanned dinners and outings, the entertaining meeting agendas and speakers, and some of the cameraderie that we've always had. It's time to get back to these things and have fun again. Which we shall do right away!

Politics has always been a hallmark of this group, or at least political activism has been. I support political activism, but believe that it should have a limited role in the group. Henceforth, all political activist activities should be done under the auspices of It's Time, KY!, not BGB. Our primary duty is to the newly out person, who usually isn't comfortable being politically active - but when they want, ITKY will be there, all are encouraged and invited to join in, but not if you don't want to. And, while we're at it, it's time for members of the group to put their petty differences aside and join together to benefit the majority. Internal political sqauabbles won't be allowed to kill this group while I'm president!

I run a business, and despite my 'party girl' reputation, I don't take crap off people that work for me, and encourage those who work for me to develop skills and take on all the responsibility they can. And, so it will be here. Those who are elected to the board of BGB will be expected to do their jobs, and no bull about it. At the same time, those who didn't run or weren't elected, please step forward....we have work for you, too. Please help as you are able, and be aware that board meetings (which will henceforth be monthly) are open to all. Just don't volunteer and not deliver! Taking responsibility for an event or outing is fun and very much appreciated, and that includes you SOs. This isn't something we do for our egos, it's something we do to serve others.

Speaking of SOs, I want to publicly encourage the significant others to meet and chat amongst yourselves, and to join us on outings and meetings. I believe that you are the lifeforce and wellspring from which we get strength, and I encourage you to also be involved, to teach us what you know. That also includes supportive family and friends, and partners, whether married or not, gay or straight (what is straight in the TG world? I don't like that word!), regardless of the age. I want to see events and outings that make our supporters feel welcome and that may teach us all how better to coexist and support one another. I also want to encourage those who have transitioned, and those considering doing so to meet together periodically, to discuss those common issues. This should be a group that accomodates and provides fellowship for all facets of the community, providing for the differences, then bringing all of us together.

So, there you are. If you have ideas, we'z awl eers. If you need support or resources, come on down and we'll find it. Good time? Hey , we all need that. Perfect? Nobody is. So if I take the oath of office....I promise to obey the Scout law....whoops, wrong oath. Just be prepared for a wild ride......


3 Apr 99 BGB Business Meeting NOTES

By Marjorie Demaille

This was a business meeting, for more than just the board. The idea was to discuss how BGB might be organized and conduct its business. The site was the Unitarian Church off York in Louisville. Meeting time was scheduled for 8PM.

Dawn opened with some talk of the IFGE Convention. She read a very complimentary note from the IFGE co-chairs of the convention management team. Anne was recognized particularly by this pair. Further, 30+ calls came in to the hotel desk during the time of the conference, with a few more since. We have generated some attention we need to follow up.

Next the matter of member fees and finance was talked over at considerable length. The excellent part of this was that nearly everyone contributed comments, allowing a more genuine impression of group sentiment. Expenses that BGB has to cover are the meeting room @ $25 monthly and the newsletter cost. AC pointed out the newsletter takes an average of $30 to print and $33 to mail; this could go up due to increased requests for our newsletter, owing to the convention success. Many groups spend $75-100 each month to get a newsletter out. Erica proposed reinstating basic refreshments for the meeting, with an upper limit we would set. Also mentioned was taking over the post office box, which is held at present by Anne. Evidently mail needs to be gathered more regularly from the P.O. box, and, especially before meetings, we need to pick up exchange newsletters of other groups so that our own members may view them. One agreement was a $5 meeting fee, which those present paid this time. Consensus also called for a membership fee. After much talk the dollar amount was left to be determined after further figuring of what the per person cost would be to cover newsletter expense. A third, subscription fee might be a possibility for those persons or organizations only getting the paper version of our newsletter. Conceivably BGB could put out an electronic version in Adobe format; such could be expanded to include more content and graphics.

On the subject of the board, Dawn proposed seven positions. She has three criteria in mind for BGB officer candidates: commitment, ideas, continuity. We need committed folks because we wish to set up a monthly board meeting they need to make. Board personnel need to be out enough to handle their responsibilities. Idea people have an eye to taking BGB further and bettering it. Board members need to 'groom' future leadership by involving other members and thus training them. Here are the offices plus the duties she would put with them:

president -- the leader figure that sets policy and keeps order

vice president -- a flexible position, of several hats, as the person would need to be able to cover for the president or any other board member who can't be present

treasurer -- a financial background would be desirable for this; Erica agreed to stay on in this capacity, for continuity

secretary -- takes minutes for meetings, maintains the member list, answers the USPS mail we get, tracks rhythm-of-life type happenings (birthdays, deaths, illness)

events chair -- the 'show director' coordinating speakers or presentations at meetings, a Christmas party and special events

outreach chair -- a 'welcome wagon' individual who serves as point of contact for new people, meets the public on behalf of BGB; this calls for the person to have some media training and to carry him or herself well in order to present a good image

newsletter editor -- in addition to making sure our newsletter gets out, this person would oversee the website; the editor would have two non-board assistants to round out a newsletter committee

In addition to these seven posts, AC explained we might consider a librarian and an officer from the SO circle. He admitted we need an odd number on the board for voting matters; also he thought the SO group would be best at a less formal level. Then too, nine officers would be rather a large fraction of the core membership at this time. Still they can task force with the board. Other members, ones who can work for a short time only, or on one project, can function on a task force. That also serves to start a 'grooming' process. He had some input for conducting the board. They need to show up for board meetings and member meetings. If they cannot make it, they need to leave word they can't be there. They ought to have e-mail. He'd prefer a weeknight for the board meeting. At this, the board would approve the newsletter, thus its meeting would precede the member meeting of that month. The events chair should be setting things in place well in advance; ideally 4-5 months would be good. The chair can tap our members' input or even other groups for presentation ideas. The secretary puts together a new member packet and works with the outreach chair.

Christinea presented the idea of holding a retreat for BGB members and supporters. Those present made suggestions regarding this. The core idea is to have a weekend away from distractions, possibly music free, possibly alcohol free, hopefully with access to nature and some recreational facilities. This environment would permit people to talk at length and work out issues that never get covered at regular meetings. Ideally there would be a clergy member and a gender-competent helping professional available. AC is wanting the site to be within 60-90m driving time and under $100 for a double; he wants to remove the excuses and enable broader participation. Possible sites: Park Mammoth Best Western Resort, Otter Creek, Cedars of Lebanon State Park, Silver Spring Bed and Breakfast.

Since we have no bylaws governing board elections, AC is giving this procedure. At election time they will be voted upon, from president on down. You may be a candidate for two offices, but you may only hold one. To make your case for an office, send Anne a two paragraph explanation of why you wish to be on the board, any qualifications and what you want to accomplish with BGB. Note: Anne says this needs to be digital, as in e-mailor a disk. [the e-mail is agc@cwix.com - since changed to acasebeer@earthlink.net - or use P.O. Box 20173, Louisville 40250]. As far as voting, you need to be a paid member to vote; you can pay a membership in April or May at the regular meeting. Paid members will get a ballot when they walk into the May meeting, and this means the election of the board is happening at the regular BGB meeting in May.

Dawn wrapped up the formal business by relating good reports from the downtown Holiday Inn, where the IFGE annual meeting took place last month. Mr. Bishop, the Holiday Inn sales manager, sent an appreciative letter welcoming us for future events. Those present next proceeded to converse as less formal groups. Somewhat after 10PM several went to the Bluegrass Brewing Company for snacks and more talk.


Whew! It's Over

By Anne Casebeer

Well, it's over..the convention, that is. I hope everybody had a good time, made friends, and learned much. Frankly, I learned that the fun of putting on an event comes after it has ended, because you certainly aren't going to be able to meet, mingle, or have a lot of fun at the event itself....too much work to do. With that, and apologies to all those who wanted to chat a bit and couldn't run fast enough to keep up with the 6', 250-lb trannie running through hotel hallways like O.J. Simpson after a rental car, I'll review what I'll never forget about "Standing United", in no particular order of importance. So, if you are overlooked here, be certain that it isn't on purpose, because I was a bit distracted at times.

I'll never forget the Comedy Show on Wednesday Night. I thought Angela did a fine job of organizing an d emceeing the event, that Bernie Lubbers and Lovest Brown were incredibly funny, and that Jami Ward did a fine job as headliner I had a chance to spend a bit of time with Jami that evening, and found her as intelligent and witty as I thought she'd be from my brief past encounters. It was a shame that her flights were so tight (word to the wise: priceline.com does not offer sufficient choice of flight times), but I was honored that she could make it. We'll see her at Southern Comfort.

It was possible to get some speakers for seminars for this conference that should be better know than they have been up to now, and I'm proud of that. It was great to see Sarah Fox cruise into the group hotel suite, knowing that she'd blow away people in her seminar, and make friends of nearly everyone she'd meet. She should be better known, but having her as a friend is itself an honor. Jennette Caden should also be better known, and I was very happy to get her into the seminar schedule twice. I was honored to have Jennileigh Love on the seminar schedule, as always - she is well known already, but I can't praise Ms. Love enough. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting Dana Turner, who turned a dress that never fitted me well into her own on Saturday Night - she is one of those people who becomes a friend almost instantly, and could probably cheer the Grinch into a broad smile. Seeing Lori Reibesell finally get the acclaim and recognition that she deserves for being Louisville's first real "out" TS, and for being the mother of our community, was a real pleasure. And, watching the newer members of BGB take important duties, run with them, and grow was the best fun of all.

There were some ideas that we had for programming that worked beautifully, way beyond my expectations. I wanted to see a particular emphasis on family/SO support of us, and I think we delivered, both with programming and with the Friday luncheon. I can't say enough for Janette, Amy, and Evelyn at that event - I wanted real people who were dealing with a TG friend, lover, or family member to give us their honest real-world point of view. They delivered with feeling and reality, and maybe some of you understand why Angela, Terri, and I love Janette, Evelyn, and Amy as much as we do. So did Emily Singleton, Jan and Paula Ison, and Dottie Laing, who helped many people in their seminars with family issues, as well as Kate Ramsdell and Randi Ettner. The religious panel was a strong point, was well attended, and put out the message that God loves all of us, even TG people, with an open and frank discussion. The POC panel was a point of pride as well, and I hope that there is follow-through on this, because there really aren't enough people of color out in the TG community, and that is probably our fault for not reaching better or more open-mindedly.

The people you team up with to pull an event like this off make it happen, and the presence of many strong people made things happen. I knew we'd be okay when I saw Christine Hochberg walk in, and we were fine - she is always indispensable and unflappable in any situation that might arise - plus a hell of a lot of fun. Somebody should let her chair a convention. Alison Laing and Kristine James were super partners in crime, and ran a tight fiscal ship, ensuring that DC would get the chance to host this next year. Jennifer Marquette and Yvonne Cook-Riley took control of planning and managing the Awards Banquet, and Cori Farrell did a superb job as emcee. And Fred Bishop and the rest of the management team at the Holiday Inn Broadway-Downtown, plus the servers who came in from the temp service (ask Barbara which one) were first class in every way. Vicki D'Salle did a great job of wowing the crowd with her good-time music Saturday Night, and I hope to catch her regular act sometime soon. Seeing Jamie Faye Fenton is always a pleasure, and her photos looked great on TG Forum. Seeing Virginia Prince have a good time in my city was a great honor. And Josephine Thane from Chicago really saved my tail by running the sound system for all the events - something I'd expected to have to do myself, and was glad I didn't have to. .

Regrets? Well, when you are trying to manage a gathering like this, you see the stuff that happens behind the scenes that cause trouble. Most of the inevitable problems were solvable on the spot, or not that bad to mitigate. Of course, things also happen behind the lines that are fun. Like, for instance, the trip to the airport to pick up Jami Ward, or some guy that vaguely resembled Jami. I had been renting and setting up lighting and sound equipment that afternoon, and resembled a roadie for the Grateful Dead, dressed as I was in my customary black sweatshirt and jeans; and Chris(teana), who decided to tag along after getting off her job, more closely resembled a redneck after work than an trannie. We proceeded to the airport, running slightly late, and were OJ'ing our way towards the gate when I spotted Mariette Pathy Allen; I yelled "Hey Mariette!" as I charged past, and got a blank stare in return. I repeated, and then realized that she'd never seen the, ahem, middle-aged hippie guy that I often resemble. I was happy to add her to the vanlift from the airport. It was an entertaining moment that the average convention goer never gets to see, and a good chance to talk to a person who I respect; both for her caring and interest in the community, and her obvious skill with a camera - a skill I completely lack. About the only major dilemma was the problem of having to be on call for work in my home town during a convention - there was never a moment when I could say I was safe from work, there was an unconfirmed report of an employee of mine visiting the hotel at one point, and I did have to go to my stores 3 times during the con. I never was caught having to fix computers at the stores in Anne mode, but that threat dictated that I spend too much time as the hippie guy in black, instead of the girl that I'd have rather been. And, of course, I returned to work the following Monday in serious need of a vacation.

Putting this on was a terrific experience for us as a group, and for the members of BGB who bothered to help, but please don't ask us to do this again soon. Glad to help, mind you, and I publicly want to thank IFGE and Alison and Kristine for believing in us, but I won't go near anything resembling a chief-cook-and-bottle-washer position for a convention again anytime soon. I want to enjoy the next gender conferences I attend. I'm not a control freak, no way, not moi. Just because I went so far as to instruct Josie Thane to be sure to play Alan Parsons, Mike Oldfield, and Three Dog Night during luncheons does not mean I'm a micromanager.....

Right. Guilty!


Don't Look Back In Anger

By Angela Bridgman

It is with a heavy heart I sit down to write my article for this month. I have learned some very painful and bitter lessons this past month. My father passed away on Thursday, April 1, 1999. Being the practical joker, leg-puller, and joke-teller that he was, he would pick April Fool's Day to go...just so that we would never forget!

Mike and the Mechanics, a group from the 1980's writes in one of their songs: "It's too late...when we die...to admit we don't see eye to eye." Those could be the truest words even spoken. Why must the bomb always explode before people are willing to pick up the pieces?? It wasn't just my father...I, too, was unwilling to pick up the pieces, until it was nearly too late.

I got the call on Wednesday morning, March 31, that my father was in Pocono Medical Center, in the ICU unit, and not expected to live. By that afternoon, I was rolling up I-71 towards Pennsylvania. I was still sorting out my feelings about all of this. I had learned he was sick three weeks ago, but that he night pull through. At the time, they were giving a "wait and see" attitude, and figured on six months if he would not pull through. Three weeks later, he lay, dying, in the ICU.

As little as a month earlier, if you had asked me, I would have told you I would not have cared if my father died. There was so much anger, bitterness and hurt feelings and words between us over the past five years. He was not willing to let go of that bitterness and anger, nor was I. He was not willing to accept me as the woman I am...I was not willing to accept him as my father, without his complete and total acceptance of my womanhood. How selfish both of us were!

I was the only out of town family to make it up prior to his passing on Thursday morning, April 1, at 10 AM. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was to authorize the removal of his respirator...a decision my mother found herself quite unable to make on her own, in spite of the fact that it was his wish not to be kept alive by extraordinary means, once he was beyond help and hope. They removed his respirator at 9:30 AM. When they did, I found I could no longer keep hold of all the anger and bitterness. I broke down and cried. I held my father's hand in mine, and I forgave him all the things he had said and done to anger or hurt me. I told him I had never transitioned intending for it to hurt him or embarrass him...and I asked him to forgive me for all the other things I had done to hurt or anger him. He was only able to respond to people by squeezing a hand at this pint, he could no longer open his eyes, or speak. I asked him to squeeze my hand if he forgave me...and he squeezed it. Ten minutes later, he died. I believe that God kept him alive long enough for us to make that final peace.

Even now, I find myself remembering more of the good things about my father than the bad. The jokes he would tell...sometimes off-color, the practical jokes and pranks he pulled ...happier times. In spite of what I have said to many of you about my father, there was good in him...it took his death for the scales to drop from my eyes. It took his passing for me to let go of the anger, the hatred I felt towards him because of his non- acceptance. And it is too late, when we die...if only we both had been able to let go of our hurt feelings, our bitterness, and anger towards the other...how much we could have enriched one another's lives...but now we will never have that chance, because he is gone.

My brother came up for the funeral, and he was totally insensitive to me from jump street, referring to me in male pronouns, and stressing them. I, meanwhile, had done my level best to hide the real me, the me I am proud of, at his request, because of his kids...who asked the inevitable questions anyway. He was so angered that he told my mother he would never again have anything to do with me, except at her funeral, and then never again. He has his nose shoved so far into his Bible that he cannot see that the truth sometimes can be found elsewhere...and in fact, the Bible never tells you to hate another person, or to turn your back on family. He knows those parts of the Bible that are convenient to his political agenda, and his own personal biases and prejudices. Apparently, he has learned nothing from my fathers' death.

You do not turn your back on family..and don't stay angry with them, either..because you never know when the end will come. And, it is too late, when we die. Parents and relatives of transgendered people, please take this to heart!! There are worse things that could happen to your loved one than their being transgendered! And, transgendered people, take this to heart also. Do not demand acceptance of your gender identity before you will communicate with family...because you never know when you may never be able to again. I know it hurts, and it's hard, to deal with a parent or relative who refuses to accept...but I wish I did, now that I no longer can.

As to my brother, I know that I tried to honor his requests, even to the point of denying my own existence. It was not good enough for him. He has turned his back on me. I can rest easy, though, knowing that I tried. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make the dumb animal drink it if it does not want to. So, transgendered people who are having problems with a parent, sibling, or whatever...reach out and try...you'll be glad you did, because, either you will get acceptance, or absolution, knowing that at least you tried. And parents, keep in mind how awful you would feel if your child were to die. What if your child died by their own hand, as a result of the shame and guilt you caused them to feel? How would you feel then? Please, life is too short for petty hatreds and battles amongst family! Family is always supposed to be there for you...and you are always supposed to be there for family!

In tears,

Angela