The Bluegrass BelleViewNewsletter of the Bluegrass Belles Transgender Support Group |
|
Our next meeting will be held at 7PM, Saturday, August 16, at Good Shepherd Episcopal Church, corner of Main St. and Bell Court, Lexington, KY. The August Meeting will be devoted to the World Wide Web, and the resources that you can access on it. Anne will be showing the group a few of the websites that are of interest to transgendered people, and will be available to make personal websites for any group members who are interested. Group members that have laptop computers are encouraged to bring them to the meeting. Any member interested in having a website prepared should get on a word processor (WordPad or NotePad will do fine, or Anne can use WordPerfect or Microsoft Word files) and type out the text of what you want on your site. If you bring pictures, Anne can scan them for you and put them on your site after the meeting. Since doing this requires some one-on-one time, we will have a discussion group as well; the discussionwill be about parents and family. Guest will include Rhea Murray of P-FLAG.
Many members of the group have been meeting for dinner prior to the meeting. We know that not everyone is comfortable being out in the community crossdressed, but if you'd be interested in joining in on the fun, contact Marjorie. Her Email is efduhr1@UKCC.UKY.EDU. Contact her a few days ahead of time, since the restaurant is yet to be determined. If you aren't sure, be advised that dining in a respectable restaurant is one of the easier and safer public crossdressing activities.
Here's a list of Upcoming Events sponsored by The Royal Sovereign Imperial Court of All Kentucky:
"Cocktails with the Court" - meet the Court, visit and have a good time! Saturday, August 16, 10pm at The Watering Hole. We'll start at The Watering Hole and move to Vertigo at Midnight.
Council Meeting #6 - open to the public! Sunday, August 17th at 5pm. We meet at The Lexington Pride Center on Waller Avenue. Please join us, and invite a friend.
"Cocktails with the Court", Friday, August 22nd at The Watering Hole; and moving to Vertigo at Midnight.
"Toga Party", Saturday, August 23rd at Crossings - $2.00 door benefitting the designated charities of the Court. Come dressed in Toga to qualify for prizes, and to be eligible to be crowned "King or Queen of the Toga"!
"Closet Ball", Thursday, August 28th at The Bar Complex - $4.00 cover benefitting the designated charities of the Court. Applications for Closet Ball contestants are $10.00, and can be picked up from Chanda Lier at The Bar Complex.
This is it, folks. The Fairness Amendment will be reintroduced on Tuesday, August 12 at 6pm at the Board of Alderman. Please join us @ City Hall, 601W. Jefferson St. The meeting begins at 6, but you'll want to get there as close to 5 as you can if you want to get a seat inside. Please wear your Fairness tshirt or button, and bring a friend or seven.
Having a large visible presence at Reintroduction is crucial to convincing the Aldermen of the public support this legislation has. A celebration will follow!!! Also, if you haven't yet written your alderperson and Mayor Abramson to for their support, now would be a great time. Call the office if you're not sure who your alderperson is.
Please post this message freely, and remember,bring yourself and all your friends to City Hall Tuesday!!!!!
Thanks,
Nance for Fairness
Join fairness supporters from across Kentucky!
On August 19, the joint Judiciary Committee will meet to hear an array of legislative "Family Issues." Among them are three pre-filed anti-gay bills: two that prohibit recognition of same gender marriage from outside Kentucky, and a third bill that seeks to refuse domestic violence protections from same gender couples. Senator Tim Philpot from Fayette County, sponsor of the Domestic Violence bill, is chair of the committee.
KFA had been informed months ago that the meeting would convene at 1pm. HOWEVER, THE TIME HAD JUST BEEN CHANGED. THE MEETING WILL BEGIN AT 10AM AND LAST UNTIL 4PM. KFA is holding a press conference to denounce this legislation that attacks our families. The PRESS CONFERENCE WILL BEGIN AT 9AM in the Capitol Rotunda.
TO GET TO THE CAPITOL: Travelling Eastbound on I-64: Take Exit 53, and travel on 127 North, toward Frankfort. Take a right on 676, and travel down the hill. Go left onto 420. Park in the parking garage on the left.
Travelling Westbound on I64: Take Exit 58, and
travel North on Highway 60, toward Frankfort. Take a left onto
676 (also called Memorial Drive). Immediately after crossing a
bridge over the Kentucky River, turn right onto 420. Park in the
garage on the left. For more information, please call the KFA
office at 502/897-1973.
I have been reading my E-mail lately and find that we are just a party group, that we don't deal with the issues of our members. Being the person that I am, I try to consider everyone's opinion regarding any subject. You never can tell when someone else will be right, and you will be wrong. In regards to the question at hand, this is my opinion. Please consider it as I would consider yours.
I have a little experience with therapy and therapists, both individual and group. Individual therapy for me was to go to a room with the therapist, make small talk (the weather, sports, job, family, etcetera) for a while and eventually start talking about my problem. It was always done in a very casual and relaxed atmosphere. I was never forced to talk about anything but if I did talk, I felt that the therapist was trying to understand what I was saying and that he/she truly wanted to help. Sometimes I came out feeling better, and sometimes worse. I know what you're thinking: If you pay big bucks for therapy, you expect the therapist to care.
In group therapy, several of us would be in a room. We may or may not have known each other. We would sit, and make small talk until the subject of a problem came up. We would listen, comment about our experiences and try to help the person find an answer to his/her problem or at least make them feel better. We do this because we feel that we are traveling down the same road. We can understand their pain and what there feeling better than most others. We don't have to be paid. We do it because helping someone else sometimes helps use find answers that we are looking for.
A support group has a lot in common with therapy. It is a single person or a group of people with the same basic problems trying to find answers. Where it differs is that you can relax and be yourself. Dress and act how you want without the fear that the other person will think you are weird. At the meeting, if you have a problem at any time, someone is always willing to listen and talk with you about it, before, after or during the meeting. The planned program of the meeting is secondary to the needs of the people attending. One important point to bring up is that there isn't a time limit when talking about a problem. If the problem lasts longer than the meeting, we just move to a different location and keep talking (depending on how comfortable the person is about being out in public). It may be to a bar, a restaurant, or a car in the parking lot.
We have been criticized about wanting to party all the time. I'm guessing that their idea of partying is going out shopping, to restaurants or to a club or bar one or twice a month. If this is the case, then we are real party animals. Most of us feel great on those occasions when we get to go out dressed, to get out of that closet, to say to the world, "Here I am. I'm different but so what!" How you feel about yourself is half the battle in life. If you feel good about who you are, then it won't matter what others think. You will never reach that point if you are never afforded the opportunity to step out of the closet, no matter how briefly.
Some will say that going to gay clubs doesn't count, that we are just partying. As I see it, we have a group of people with similar problems, in a safe and relaxed place, making small talk, discussing their individual problem and trying to help each other with theirs. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't this sound like group therapy to you? Just because it is in a club or a restaurant and not in some office doesn't make the results any less important. The person with the problem has a chance to get dressed and express his/her feminine/masculine side. To get to be with a group of people that have the same type of problems they do and who won't judge them by they're outward appearance. To get information not available from the non-TG world. To have the opportunity to go out in public, and do the things that they have only dreamed of. To be able to discus their problems at length with someone or a group of people that have been there, done that and want nothing more than to help.
The next time someone says that a group is just one big party, please LOOK and see what goes on at the party. ONE PERSON'S PARTY IS ANOTHER PERSONS THERAPY!
Well, you had to know it wouldn't be too long 'til the new girl on the block had to get her two cents in, so here goes. For those of you who don't yet know me, I am Angela Fox Bridgman, recently moved to Louisville from the Allentown area (Pennsylvania). In Pennsylvania, I started the fourth Chapter of Renaissance, Renaissance-Lehigh Valley. I was the first Managing Director of the group, from it's founding in July, 1995 until our first formal election, in April, 1996, when I voluntarily chose not to run for Director, preferring instead to devote myself full-time to the position of Programs Director, which I had been filling in conjunction with Treasurer and Director. I served in that capacity until I resigned from the board in October, 1996, as I had many problems of my own to deal with, and no longer had the energy to serve the group in what I felt was an adequate fashion. I chose not to run for the next election, as I felt it was very probable that I would be moving. Things weren't working out in Pennsylvania anymore. I decided to get out of Dodge while the getting was good, and so, in June, I packed up and came here.
Getting here was quite an adventure for me, as Anne Casebeer will attest. In fact, my car never quite made it here. I got as far as Cumberland, MD. I had packed all of my worldly possessions into my little Pontiac Sunturd (that's Sunbird, sorry), and a rooftop carrier from U-Haul. Well, with 150,000 miles on the car, and about 4,000 pounds overweight, I set off. No problems, until I got into the mountains in Maryland. I had planned to stop in Cumberland, anyway, to call Anne, and let her know how it was going. I certainly wasn't planning to have my very own "To Wong Foo...." adventure, but that's what happened.
I blew up the engine about sixteen miles outside of Cumberland, and spent three hours on the highway before help came. I got to the Holiday Inn, busted car and all, around midnight. I needed a drink, bad (a shave too, I might add). All my stuff was packed away, as I didn't intend on anything more than a drive through the night. Oh, well, nothing for it but to clap on a wig, and hit the hotel bar. Naturally, it didn't take long for the other patrons to figure out that I was TS. I called Anne, totally sloshed (me, not her), about 2AM, to tell her I had broken down. We made plans for her to come and get me Sunday morning.
I spent the day Saturday in Cumberland. I swam in the hotel pool (first time I had ever worn my new one-piece). Later, I went out to find out what kind of nightlife is offered in Cumberland. You know you're in the wrong place when the only decent bar in town is Lestate's, named after the famous vampire of the Nosferatu.
Anne, and her friend, Amy arrived Sunday morning to pick me up. My belongings barely fit into Anne's Caravan. She used my hotel room to femme out, and we left. Amy, mind you, is genetic girl, and was wearing shorts, a T-shirt, and no makeup. She looked kind of like an FtM crossdresser.
Imagine, if you will, three trannies loose in West Virginia. Imagine, if you will, Anne and me in the front, singing along to Black Sabbath's "War Pigs". We stopped in Clarksburg, WV for lunch, at the Italian Oven. We received good service, and no problems (and was I ever surprised, I mean, this WAS West Virginia!)
We arrived in Louisville around midnight, having stopped for
dinner in Lexington. I attended my first Belles meeting in July,
and am looking forward to the next one. Anne and Dawn have both
encouraged me, as they have everyone else, to share my ideas on
how to make the Belles a better group. For now, I think the area
most needed to work on is, as in many groups, outreach. You can't
get more members into the group without undertaking a fairly
large effort in the area of outreach. The idea here is to let
people who need us know that we are out there, and that our
doors, and our arms are always open. Too often, in the past, I
have heard transgendered people say, upon attending their first
meeting, "Wow, if only I had known you were here sooner than
this, I would have come out a lot sooner!" This is a phrase
that one day, I hope no one will ever have to say. I will, if
encouraged to do so, express at a later time, some specific ideas
I have in the area of outreach. Until next month,
Luv ya lots, fer sure, like totally!
Last weekend I reread a couple of the Belle View newsletters and was troubled to discover most articles write about pretty advanced matters of gender life. Those TGs who do write are the experienced ones, and naturally enough they will cover current things in their lives and ones which interest them. My concern here is that such material may blow away the new people. (Joey, please come back ... you looked great!) Okay, so boarding a plane in your finest can be rather hard to imagine when your present concern is simply going to your first meeting, or maybe deciding what to wear to it. How do you get there from here? As one answer, let me offer you the following, with apologies in advance to Mr. Schwarzenegger:
Marjorie: Education of a Crossdresser
At some point, each person reading this newsletter has to come out to his/her peers. That is your personal barrier to cross, a rite of passage maybe, before you can grow as a transgender. If you can't handle looking a fellow TG in the eye, you're probably not ready for more. Now what you read next sounds real obvious and will make the old hands laugh, but it's the knowing laugh of one who's been there: Rest assured, when you show your girl-face in public, the gender police will not be there dragging you away. Neither will lightning strike you dead. In fact that dreaded catastrophe you had in your mind was in your mind.
My first time was at a Cincinnati CrossPort meeting in early 1995. Once I made it in the door (and collected my congratulations for being that brave), Kristine asked me how long I had waited in the car. About five minutes. Half an hour before though, I was standing in the motel room, all dolled & ready, summoning courage to come out. My auto was backed right up to the door. It was 11 PM in February. Five steps and I'd be in the car. Did that, got there. Now for the five minutes... Parallel parked on the steet by an apartment building, I observed cars backing in and out. I was wishing for a lull so I could bolt for the bar. Then I realized, look, you came all this way, spent all that money on girl stuff, and motel, and put it all on, by golly you're going to do this! Out of the car and across a parking lot I walked toward the short alleyway leading to the next street. Two-story buildings overlooked that alley, but they had no windows, just blank walls and pavement. That chute-like image made my steps through there a trip down the birth canal, bearing me into the gender world.
Early in 1996 I got to attend an IXE meeting. This Indianapolis group has a good concept I've not seen practiced elsewhere. After the business meeting, new people gather with a club officer for what amounts to debriefing. I chose to sit in on this. Linda, their president (surprisingly, she is a conventional woman), conducted the discussion. She stressed that newly out TGs can look for some unexpected changes. Once you open the hatch on those long pent-up feelings, she says, don't be surprised if you react in unexpected ways. This is something I do not hear discussed much. One way is to become overwhelmed with emotion, to which I can really relate.
Here is one instance. At Be-All 1995 a couple gave their presentation on "Integrating Crossdressing into a Relationship." Drawing assistance from a box of Kleenex, their two stories explained the rugged times the couple experienced when Cindi came out 3y ago. Dr. Sandra Cole, in the audience, characterized this as very powerful stuff. She is so right. At the end there was a meditation to promote healing followed by their special song. For no reason I know, I broke out sobbing during the song. Right in front of everybody. It was kind of embarrassing, but it felt good too. Maybe I needed healing? I received a wonderful embrace from both partners.
My opinion is that instinctively, at some very basic nonverbal emotional level my spirit knows I need this and is rejoicing; the tears are the signal. Does that make sense? I conceive of the tears as a kind of reinforcer, teaching me how to be in touch with that unspeaking, but very feeling, self. That is an oblique way to state it, but I think I'm right... For one trained as a scientist, I'll say I've now had a little experience living through the emotional side, and I like it.
The evening of my fourth monthly CrossPort meeting, one of the experienced girls held out the possibility of venturing outside the safety of our meeting environment. The latter was a bar in the Ludlow area near University of Cincinnati. Once midnight, 1 and 2 AM were history, Linda suggested the late-night breakfast thing. The stop: a Perkins bordering campus.
This was a first for me. Linda led the way like she knew what she was about, and I followed along smiling and trying not to laugh. Once seated, our hostess Angie opened with, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" which cracked me up. What else could she really say in that situation? While we ate Candy & I clowned some by speaking in falsetto. "Candy dear, may I have the syrup please?" Fun stuff. At one point a uniformed police officer came in and walked by us to some other spot in the restaurant. Okay, no problem. Angie returned subseqently to chat a little. Remarkably, it turns out she had a gay uncle who cross-dressed. We told her what it was like for us. She critiqued our look, calling me Miss Casual in my stirrups, rose tunic sweater and penny loafers. On the way to pay up, I walked by a booth with two fancifully dressed black ladies and their male friend. I overheard one of the gals gasp to her companions, "That's a man!" I remember thinking to myself, "No shit, lady." And later wishing I had come back with something like, "Oh, you noticed?"
And Ray Blanchard calls them "Men with Sexual Interest in Transvestites, Transsexuals, and She-Males." Hey, this is the title of an actual paper in The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease (vol 181 p570 '93). That is too simple though; being a good medical man, Dr. Ray assembled the requisite Greek & Latin roots into the descriptive term gynandromorphophiles.
Maybe you had not considered this part, but at some point you might be hit on. Let me tell you, honey, the things those guys say sound pretty lame when it's you wearing the dress. See what you missed out on by not being socialized as female?
At my third CrossPort evening, it was well after 1 AM when a young man named Steve sat with me. A conversation ensued that I did not know how to handle. He claimed to like CDs, but not men. I admitted having difficulty because I'm supposed to be hetero, though I know I'm not exactly a straight arrow. "You're attractive," he came out with at one point, to which I responded, "Is that right?" Apparently I didn't know my lines, as he next said, "You're supposed to say 'Thank you.'" I told Steve he was very sweet. Shortly after the last call I decided I had to end this by going home. He wanted to walk me to the car so I agreed. Wouldn't you know, it turned out to be raining, and I'd left my umbrella in the auto. Steve offered to drive me there; what a gentleman. I made it very clear that I felt really strange about getting into his car. We did make it over there, where he then wished to sit with me in my car. Okay, we did that, and I got to rebuff several kissing requests. Once he decided I meant it I thanked him for being good enough to get me there, and we said goodnight. What an experience. I can paraphrase Outlaw St. Kate right here, "My ma never raised me to cope with this!"
At some point you may end up going to a transgender convention. That would be another lesson, and if it was, I would suggest that if you attend with a purpose in mind, you might get more out of it. My purpose at Southern Comfort 1995 was to get more experience running around in the conventional world.
Quite happily, the organizers had provided for a Thursday afternoon shopping excursion. This was great planning on their part, because being late September and a weekday, the school kids and working folks were occupied elsewhere. Three of us assembled with our leader Celeste, a full-timer. Susan, short and oriental, was at ease. Diane was real nervous in her red suit, and I was just out for a good time. One fun stop was at the Prescriptives cosmetics counter. The sales associates were pretty bored and eager to chat. They wanted to prepare a custom foundation for an exact match to my skin tone. My question was how long would it take me to use up $200 worth (the minimum order)?
The best time though was looking at formal dresses, in anticipation of the Saturday evening banquet. I was pleased to be able try on a gorgeous long purple sequined one; sized at medium, I couldn't get the zip up. Too bad, it was a knockout. While in the dressing room the sales assistant brought back a long sparkly black one to try. They're actually bringing ME stuff ... hey, does it get any better than this? What a concept: Test the fit before you buy it! And sister, if you go shopping consignment, (yet another lesson) you had better try it on because ALL SALES ARE FINAL!
So much has been written on this topic I'm inclined to skip it. Thing is, it really is part of your education. One author, lamenting the bathroom dilemma, says society seemingly makes the bathroom you use the ultimate criteria of your gender. Of course that's not true; if it was, then SRS would be unneeded. Just imagine: consistently attend the bathroom of your choice and be declared the desired gender! Everybody has a bathroom story; let me give you three.
Probably the first time (besides a bar) came during that same Southern Comfort. In the course of shopping an upscale department store, our leader decided to visit the restroom. Walking over, we quizzed her on what to expect and the best way to do this. Then she breezed in. Diane & I fretted outside. I observed ladies going in & out, hoping for a lull in the traffic; no such. Finally I reviewed Celeste's advice to beeline into a stall, do your business and get out. I managed that, without any customer coming by when I washed my hands. Poor Diane never did go, she just remainded outside the whole time.
Last month the Lexington drag community held a function in the public library. I'm amazed. In the ladies' room, one of the queens anonymously verbalized the classic no-no. "Beware the heels that point toward the wall," she declared, just before cutting loose with the sound of you-know-what splashing the water. "That is a give-away," I admitted from my seat. "My god, somebody with a voice deeper than mine!" To which I squeaked back, "Sorry..."
Has anybody else out there noticed that a ladies room in any gay bar might as well be labeled "come on in"? You're liable to find anybody in there. Better be careful in straight bars though. One fine evening I accompanied one of the Cincinnati girls to Spanky's meat market, I mean dance club. It was fun sipping our wine and joking with the straights. As is my custom with unknown places, I avoided a bathroom stop. After a while my companion felt the need, but she came back to the barstool very concerned, and in fact hurried us out to the parking lot. Now her eye spotted a patrol car turning into the far side. With this she pretty much lost it; inside the car she demanded we race out of there or she was toast. She could just picture a county cop slapping on the cuffs for a ride to jail. My vision was a bit different; seriously trying to talk my way out of a DUI while sitting there in a red polka-dot minidress. Fortunately these remained mental images.
This is a warning. You have to take care not to risk exposing your gender pals, like I may have. Marjorie came back with one after a gender event wrapped up, but curiously my mate was in male mode. He pulled the car up to the house's side door, which meant driving on the grass; there was no driveway. Though he had requested I wait for the door to be unlocked prior to lugging in belongings, I started to carry some in. Then I got yelled at. Whoa! What is this all about? He was worried that the neighbors would see something. Now I had never been to the house before this trip. In fact all my other experiences with him (& her) had been at the bars and meetings. In those environments my friend comes across as near-uninhibited, an extrovert ready to talk to the sympathetic and hostile alike. Why would he be any different at home? In hindsight it is clear my friend had been consistent all along: going as male, pulling to the side door, et cetera. Because I only remembered our escapades away from that home environment, I didn't consider there could easily be a privacy issue at home.
One more observation from the road and I'm done blabbing. On vacation last autumn, my climbing friend Steve and I were rambling North Carolina seeking some dry rock, in vain. Enroute to Crowder's Mountain we lunched at a barbecue place. Within a party at another table, I spotted a woman whose hairdo looked much like my Marjorie hair, both in color and style. I remarked to Steve, who does not "know," that her hair reminded me of someone, and he commented that it was big hair. The thing is I had not considered mine to be that big, and in fact Marjorie's hair is actually somewhat bigger the woman's. So I'm now supposing I must stand out for my hair, if nothing else, when I'm out there running around. Oh boy.
There are plenty of potential lessons in a cross-gender education; these were but eight. How did we get from A to B? By accumulating experiences, one at time, over time. Be they frightening, funny or unexpected, they're yours.
I found myself becoming furious at the whole Eddie Murphy/Atisone Seiuli scandal while reading the "Double Trouble" article in the May 19, 1997 issue of People Weekly. I am a long-time fan of Eddie Murphy, but I must admit that I am seriously disappointed in his response to being discovered in the company of a transsexual. Murphy told People that picking up Seiuli was "an act of kindness that turned into a f**cking horror show" and that he "wasn't going to have any physical contact with this person."If Murphy was truly exhibiting "an act of kindness," I don't understand why he had to spoil the mood by disgracing Seuili in People magazine by telling the world that "after [he] got home, [he] wiped off the door handle and the stuff that person had touched." He speaks these words as if he was playing the "cootie game" in school. I found this to be a typical stereotype that transsexuals are dirty just because of who we are.
Murphy went on to say that although "[he] know[s] [he's] not ever on the 50 most wonderful list... [he's] not a degenerate either." Another hard knock for our transsexual community! Since when do you have to be some sort of pervert to be in association with a transsexual? Murphy claims he is not a degenerate, but he admits to knowing Seiuli was a prostitute when he picked her up. Okay!? I think I would have to agree with People's Business Associate who said "I believe we all know what he was doing, and what he wanted to do."
Murphy was out for a rendezvous with a transsexual, so what!! The media and public should not focus so much on the fact that Seiuli is a transsexual, but rather, the fact that Murphy is a married man. If a man is cheating on his wife, that is what the media and public should be concerned with, not to whom he is cheating with.
I am so tired of the media and public trying to downgrade us transsexuals for who we are or what we do! Do we try to demoralize those Hollywood honey's who get the face lifts or tummy tucks? No! Then why are they so damn concerned with what we do to our bodies. At least we do it for ourselves, not the public!
Tasha Maggert
I've been in communication recently with Angela Gardner of Renaissance regarding affiliation. Here's text of that correspondence.
Anne,
The requirements for being a Renaissance group depend on whether or not you are an affiliate or a chapter. Both types require you to have an open group. (No discrimination) An affiliate is only required to have three members who are members of Renaissance National. There is a small fee and that's it. You get to use the Renaissance publications fromthe website and proudly display the Mona Lisa logo on anything you put out.A chapter must have 75% of it's members signed up as members of Renaissance National. You get a Chapter Handbook and the other benefits mentioned above.Let me know if you have any other questions.
Angela Gardner
This might be something to consider, but I don't see any merit in seeking chapter status. We have fought hard in a short time to distinguish ourselves and create a group image and perception in the greater transgender community. We have worked to build bridges, to make friends in the surrounding areas, and to do that, you must do your job in a reliable manner.
Our goal is to be a support group that serves ALL transgendered people, family members, and serves as a community infosource. Are we doing that job better by becoming a Renaissance affiliate? It might give us access to more information. We have always positioned ourselves in places to be noticed as a group, and this would continue that. Of course, we don't know what the "small" fee is.
I'm certain that 3 of us could become national Renaissance
members. Question is, do YOU, as a member of the Bluegrass
Belles, think we ought to do this? I'm on the fence, although
their logo would look nice on our letterhead, newsletter, and
website. I do think the connections wouldn't hurt, either, but we
can make those by continuing to attend conventions and Lobbying
Days.
Comings and Goings
"In and out your life,
they come and they go,
your days and your nights,
like a wheel that turns,
grinding down
a secret part of you"
Some of the strongest moments in our lives are the times we have to welcome new people into our lives; the flip side is saying good-bye to comrades who are moving on. Both are necessary; you must know disappointment to appreciate that which is pleasant. Remember that your disappointment may be another's good fortune, and also that misfortune is the starting point for an upturn in the karmic cycle of life.
Well, it's my job to wave bye to one of our founders. Jamie Wesson, one of the infamous 5 who gathered in that Residence Inn room in December, is moving on. Jamie and her wife, Sarah, have found greener pastures in Iowa, where Sarah can put her hard-earned degree to proper use. It's sad to see them go, but at the same time, I'm happy to see them get what they've worked hard for. Happy trails, Jamie and Sarah! You're always welcome, and thanks again - we couldn't have gotten this ball rolling without your hard work.
We've had some interesting additions to the group from other parts of the country. Elsewhere in this newsletter, you'll notice the column from Angela Bridgman, who moved to Louisville a couple weeks ago. I met her at Lobbying Days in May. She hails from Easton, PA, and is a veteran of the transgender world, I think she's going to be a strong force in this part of the country. More importantly, she's more than a little crazy. I mean totally nuts, which from this keyboard qualifies as a compliment. She is an accomplice from the infamous "Mr. Eagan's" visit, plus she enjoys karaoke nearly as much as I do. Reportedly, "You Give Love A Bad Name" by Bon Jovi is her signature song. I think we can appreciate the way-out nerve of hearing a 6' tall TS belt out Bon Jovi
I don't want to leave out the others who have joined recently. I'd like to extend the invitation to all of you newcomers to write for this newsletter, to join us at activities outside the boundaries of the regular group meetings, and to pitch in and join the board if you have the time. We're growing by leaps and bounds, and it's really great to see it. I just brought up Angela because she doesn't mind the outing, but for all of you who have made it in the past few months, welcome. It's your group, and help us build it into what you want it to be. As Ross Perot once said, "weez ahl eerz..." Of course, you will notice that the first 2 columnists this time out are first time writers for us. They're good articles, and I hope Terri and Angela keep doing it. That's the policy of this editor; you write, we will feature your article. Write already!
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth is
If you need to make a major purchase, or need a service rendered, how do you decide who to use? You judge them by their reputation, their price, their experience. Would you think to ask if they were transgendered?
We worry often about outing our fellow genderfolk, and that's a legitimate worry. Still, many of us manage legitimate businesses, or own them outright. In my experience, those who own/operate businesses aren't afraid of their customers regardless of gender status. Don't you think you ought to do business, all matters being equal, with businesses run/owned by transgendered people?
I did just that this past weekend. Cathy, the President of Crystal Club and a veteran of the May Lobbying Days, is a skilled cabinetmaker, and I needed some custom-made kitchen cupboards. She made them to my specifications, finely-crafted of birch, for a very fair price. Of course, Angela and I made the trip femme, and had a few interesting moments. The desk clerk at the Cross-Country Inn made the mistake of referring to us as "guys", just prior to my handing her my Visa, in the name of Annette Casebeer.That Visa card planted serious seeds of doubt in her mind, and thereafter she avoided the very mention of gender pronouns. A stop for grilled chicken sandwiches at a Wendy's resulted in a number of interesting looks from the somewhat inner-city crew. We attended Crystal Club's meeting that evening, where me met up with some folks who attended the Be-All, and socialized at "Wall Street" afterwards.
In Concert...
Those of you who love that good ol' time rock n' roll, y'know the kind that just soothes your soul and makes you reminisce about the times of old; this is for you. How many of you out there remember Creedence Clearwater Revival? Yes, the man who brought you "Born on the Bayou", "Down on the Corner", and "Fortunate Son", John Fogerty, has a new album, his first since "Eye of the Zombie" in the mid '80's, entitled "Blue Moon Swamp" It kicks butt, and reminds me of why I have always loved real rock n' roll music. Mr. Fogerty visited the Palace Theatre in Louisville for a concert in July, and naturally, I had to take an evening off for this - as Anne, of course. Take the other guy along? No way!
You are probably thinking, "No way could I do this, this is crazy, i'm going to be assaulted by drug-crazed headbangers wanting to beat up the crazy trannie". You would be wrong. 2 rules apply to this sort of thing: 1- do as the Romans, or in this case, the GGs, do. Dress and behave as they would. 2-act like you belong, and people will assume that you do. Also, I chose this concert carefully. I don't think I'd attend a Metallica or Hank Williams, Jr. show femme, but I'd say Aerosmith might be safe?
I purchased my ticket at the booth, entered through the turnstile, and subjected myself to the obligatory check of my person for bottles, weapons, and the like. I expected to be revealed for the crossdresser that I am. Taking that into consideration, I chose my attire carefully: black jeans, carefully padded hips, a Led Zeppelin T-shirt, and makeup done in very conservative fashion for me. Nothing too colorful. I was checked by a female and male team of ushers; they looked me over, made me turn around, and searched my purse for contraband. I didn't have any anyway. "Enjoy the show, ma'am", was all they said, with a smile. They knew, I'm sure, but that was fine.
As for the show, it was great, basic, swamp based rock n' roll. Mr. Fogerty played most of the new album, and all the great old stuff that made him famous. I paid no attention to what I was wearing, lost all consciousness of myself, and was immersed in the music. The people on both sides of me, a guy my age with his wife and teenage daughters, and a GG on the other side, both chatted with me during the intermission, and were friendly. The guy didn't read me, or didn't let on. The girls did, and asked me about why I was crossdressed; I gave them the thumbnail tour, using my little femme whine. They told me that I was pretty, and cute, and were amazed to learn that I was hetero and dated femme. Nice people.
I really felt this would be safe, and my feelings were validated. This was a mature crowd, fortysomethings, who'd lived through the era of free love, free sex, cheap reefer, Boone's Farm, and Deadheads. Seeing a fortysomething crossdresser shouldn't bother such people. It didn't. Like I said, I don't think wearing a dress to a Slayer or George Strait concert is wise, but I'd say that Tom Petty or Jackson Browne would be safe. ZZ Top is up to you...
Take Me out to The Ball Game
Can you think of a better place to be on a hot, sunny Sunday afternoon than the ballpark? I sure can't. Give me a seat behind home plate, a cold beer and a hot dog, and I'm recharged. Now, combine that with our other favorite hobby? Crazy, you say?
Well, on a hot day at the ballpark, a jean skirt was nice and
cool, but my makeup was melting. Still, nobody even gave a second
glance to Angela or myself, even as Angela caught a foul ball off
the bat of Chipper Jones in the top of the 9th inning.
Boy crazy as she is, she would have rather caught Chipper, but no
matter. We had a great time at Cinergy Field watching Greg
Maddux, the master himself, throw pitches nobody could hit.
Afterwards, we repaired our makeup, made ourselves look like
proper ladies again, and hit LaRosa's for a post-game pizza. Our waitress gave us excellent service and
seemed to be very aware of how to handle transgendered guests. I
wonder if she knew others...
What, me different?
"Different blood makes different people" - Wallace William Wilson
We all are different, each at a different stage of our growth in this
community. No one is the same. THANK GOD!!!! It would be rather boring, don't you think? I am glad to be different. How different am I ? You be the judge.
I read "New Yorker" and the "Wall Street Journal." I read "Essence" instead of "Vogue" or "Cosmopolitan." I prefer crystal and silver to plastic. I spent money on my career than on surgery. I love my church and church work. I prefer National Public Radio and jazz over rock. I drive nice cars, and work openly in the Lexington community. I like to party, but I am socially responsible . I care for elderly parents and plan family gatherings. I have worked hard to achieve many things, but most of all, I worked hard on being me! I hope we can all do the same.
Fear and Loathing in the Black Church.
Sins of the past can become the disease of the future. When I was a man, I spent many, many, many nights in self denial of who and what I was. I frequented all the black hangouts, chased a lot of women and I even tried to get married!
As a member of the African-American church I was a young lion. A conservative power broker, who espoused very hateful and negative platitudes about the GLBT community. All the time, I was pretending, hiding in a closet, one that was larger than the estates in Beverly Hills. Yes I liked high heels, yes I enjoyed dresses, hose, lingerie, etc. But, I was not sick like those people!
You see, I had been feed a poison, one that silently feasted on my hatred and my ignorance, and so it grew. I mean, it was not right that a person that was a Sunday school teacher should have these desires. No church officer should have these desires. Why me? But, just like the women in the Bible , just like Esther, Ruth, Mary M. , Mary, and Sheba, I, too would learn of my importance in the world. I too would learn of God's plan. It took a lot of prayer and lot of study and as the old Negro spiritual goes, "The road is rough, and going is tough, and the hills are hard to climb. I started out a long time ago and there no doubt in my mind I decided to make Jesus my choice".
Now you are probably wondering, how does this fit? Last week was a week of highs and lows. The highest moment was being recognized by my pastor as a deaconess (yes he knows, his wife attended two of my lectures). The lowest was the return of my uncle to the hospital for a week of tests. It was here that I was faced with the hate and ignorance of the Black church. My aunt told me about how a letter that I wrote to Rev. T. H. Peoples, Jr., concerning his stand on transgendered persons was used against me. My aunt was clearly hurt
and my uncle more so. After hearing this I made a decision. I would not stoop to his low level, and was even friendly to him at the hospital, because I knew who I was: A true believer!
It is a sad same that ignorance and hatred can be used by people who should know better, given their own experience. When I spoke recently to a class of African-Americans entering social work, I challenged their belief systems, their ideology, and their history. The sad part was, after their ignorance was laid bare, I still felt their fear and loathing. But, I am hopeful. Maybe one day, they will understand that they must educate themselves in the Bible, in the cultures of others and in the knowledge they are not alone in their quest. No one is! As the spiritual goes, "The road is rough, and the going gets tough, and the hills are hard to climb. " You see, I started out a long time ago, and there is no doubt in my mind, I am glad God made me Transgendered!!
The Need for Unity
Last night as I was preparing to enjoy a video of my favorite movie. The phone rang. I answered and I am sorry I did. Moreover I feel very sorry for LGS. You see, in that phone call, I was informed of the decision to drop 'gender' from the ordinance that is currently pending in the city council. Patti Hall and others spent hours working on that ordinance, only to have this happen. When I heard this I sat in my easy chair and cried. But, then I remembered a line from an old song: "What good is sitting alone in your gloom....."
I refer you to Marcuse's "One Dimensional Man" in which he shows how the media plays one side off of the other to keep the general public off balance, and ignorant of the issues. This is what HRC and other groups like to do. Let's hope that isn't happening here. By using negativity, *they* are able to exploit certain fears and stereotypes to their advantage. I will give you 3 examples to work with:
1. Count how many positive roles that you have seen portrayed on TV of the following groups - gay males, black males and Asian males. Compare them with the negative roles. does the negative outweigh the positive? Do the same with females, bisexuals and transgendered people. See a pattern?
2. Name one film that has one scene in which women, GLBTs and African-Americans WERE portrayed as serious role models. Name 5 that have negative stereotypes in which all three groups were portrayed as less than serious.
3. Besides court cases, NAME five negative news events involving African-Americans, women,
and GLBTs. Now name five positive events that got national news coverage.
By now, you're saying, so what's the point? The point is, the more time you spend analyzing the negative, the less time you have in noticing the positive. The reason I believe that many of our friends are still in the dark, is that we have failed in all three groups to accentuate the positive .
Patti Hall of Louisville Gender Society, recently spoke at the coming out rally, and led the crowd in a chant of "I am somebody, I am somebody!!" She was almost arrested for a second time. I wonder how many people in that crowd need to hear that, I wonder how many of us believe that, judging by some of the comments of recent days. The energy and the spirit that was shown by my people on the mall in Washington is the same energy and spirit that was shown in 1995 in our march, and again in 1997, when I joined my sisters in DC for an unprecedented 4th time, to lobby for ENDA. So what, you say ? Well...
This vibe is called UNITY and I hope that one day we all may become drunk on it.
My last comment is reserved for those hatemongers and deceivers:
"They who live by the sword shall perish by the same"; " I beg of you not to trouble your own house, for you shall inherit the wind." Although I do not agree with your rhetoric I would fight to the death to protect it. The poisonous rhetoric of Sen. Jesse Helms, Tim Philpot, Ralph Terry, and the rest of the Religious Right is detrimental to a spirit of community and unity in our nation. I realize we all have very strong emotions and feelings about the subject, but we must be calm. We must respect the rights of others - see the 10th amendment. I have a lot of friends who are still in the closet, or who cannot be as open as they would like to be. I have cried at the funerals of friends who have died from AIDS, or were murdered, like Tyra Hunter. I have watched friends be openly harassed at their jobs while transitioning. I have lost friends because of people who threaten to out them whenever they get a chance. Last time this happened, it cost the life of a friend; they died in my arms. It will not happen again. Mark my words, never again!
My question to you is very simple: Are you ready to accept the responsibility for the lives you will ruin? Are you ready to DEAL with the blood that will be on your hands from their suicide or murder? I don't think you are, and neither are any of the rest of us. If you ARE ready to accept the responsibility, then be prepared to accept the destruction of your humanity.
Love,
The Bluegrass BelleView is the newsletter of the Bluegrass Belles Transgender Support Group. We serve and welcome crossdressers, transsexuals, significant others/friends/family members of transgendered people, and anyone else with a legitimate interest in transgenderism. We are not a sexual encounter group. Our mailing address is PO Box 20173, Louisville, KY. 40250. Any similar group may reprint any of the articles herein with
permission of the editor and writer; contact us using the PO Box, or Email