M rs. Silk, who operates a Maid Training school in England, has been a friend of mine for some time. Her "school" is quite busy and not only is she employed full-time as a Mistress, she also has had to hire two other ladies to assist her in this training. Throughout our friendship, Mrs. Silk has sent me copies of her magazines, videos and countless letters. I have, on occasion, helped with a few projects and she has allowed me to reprint some of her articles in our newsletter.
Over time, I have tried to verbalize to Mrs. Silk what it is that makes me feel that her "Maid Training" does not appeal to me personally, although I would love one of the outfits. Recently, the words came to me that enable me to say what it is about this all that bothers me.
While Mrs. Silk and her co-mistresses all have a fondness for and understanding of men who crossdress, the "school" seems to operate upon a theme of humiliation and revenge, as opposed to feminization and love. A great many of the stories in Mrs. Silk´s magazine revolve around the premise that a husband has been unpleasant to live with and, in an attempt to make him more tolerable, the wife decides that "John" will have to become "Joan." There is usually some sort of power that she has over him, such as financial, or some sort of blackmail. From here, the stories generally go on to detail how the wife now dominates the crossdresser and focuses her attention on humiliating him. This, to me, is more "emasculation" than "feminization."
Throughout these tales, the underlying theme appears to be that men are dirty, rude, unkempt and generally in need of extinction. How can I describe the fundamental, yet all important difference between "feminization" and "emasculation?" To begin with, the most important distinction is the mind set, or attitude of the partner. Is she, the spouse/partner, assisting with the crossdresser´s desire to become a woman out of caring and love, or some deep-seated anger? Is the motive joint pleasure or revenge? Another important difference between the two is this: In "emasculation," there is no regard for the person´s dignity. Whereas, in "feminization," there is a caring and tenderness in helping the crossdresser become the femme self. There is obviously a market for such a business as Mrs. Silk´s, yet I am unclear as to exactly how mainstream her vision of crossdressing is. As she has written, "There is an entire spectrum of crossdresser." Those who wish to submit themselves to such humiliation and treatment, have every right to do so. Further, Mrs. Silk does provide a service, and for that she receives payment. That is commerce.
In my own relationship, I am fortunate enough to have a partner, Linda, who realizes that Vanessa is a real person, with feelings, dreams, desires, needs and dignity. Linda doesn't treat me this way "because" of something. That would be a mere trade. She treats me this way because it is her nature; it is how she views all people. Everyone, in her view, is entitled to respect and to be who and what they want to be. Linda sees Vanessa as a person.
If you are a crossdresser, you should realize that there is no shame in being who you are. The fantasy of being forced to dress is one that is employed to ease feelings of guilt. There should be no such guilt; you are you and that is how it is meant to be. If you are the partner or spouse of a crossdresser, I urge you to treat them with the same respect and dignity with which they should treat you with. If the crossdresser, or the partner, is unable to treat the other with common courtesy and respect, there is something far more seriously wrong with the relationship than transgenderism.
Life is short and this is a small planet. Treat one another with kindness.
Hugs, Vanessa