How Do You Carve A Canoe?

t is sometimes quite amazing where one can hear little bits of wisdom that really can make a difference. Recently, while watching a rerun of Home Improvement, I heard such a piece of wisdom.

As usual, Tim was seeking advice from his neighbor Wilson. When Tim approached the fence, he heard some sort of chopping noise from the other side. "Hey, Wilson!", Tim said," what are you doing over there?" "Well, good neighbor," replied Wilson, "I’m carving a canoe out of a birch tree." Always one to seek more information, Tim asked, "How do you carve a canoe out of a tree?" "Simple," said Wilson, "you start with a nice straight log, then you carve away everything that isn’t a canoe."

While Tim Allen’s television program is usually one charged with a slight overdose of testosterone, the above scene has unlimited application in so many areas of our lives. For us, as transgendered persons, it has specific meaning. As we grow and mature, we tend to pick up a lot of extra baggage. As a result, once we reach the point of wishing to express our alternate gender self, we are confronted with a horde of demons. These demons have names, Guilt, Shame, and Morality to name a few. There are other obstacles such as learned behavior and mannerisms.

Linda and I receive countless letters and telephone calls from sisters, and their wives, asking how they can realize their desired transformation to the femme self. Without fail, all of those who contact us are convinced that the way to transform themselves, or their partners, is by adding more layers to the outside person. They focus on make-up, padding, wigs and clothing. We do our best to change their focus to the inner-self.

If one is truly transgendered, the "secret" of becoming transformed, be it temporarily (as in the case of the crossdresser), or permanent (as with the transsexual) is not in what is added, but rather in what is taken away. It is much like Wilson’s simple method of making a canoe, "carve away everything that isn’t a canoe." I am not saying that the only way to create something of beauty is to destroy what exists and create anew. I am, however, advocating that we concentrate on removing the extra layers that prevent the true femme expression.

Time and again, I see sisters who have done a magnificent job of altering their external appearance. All of this, however, has been accomplished at the cost of ignoring the internal. They have retained the same masculine attitudes, mannerisms and behavior which negate their femme appearance.

If you take the time to observe women, you will see that there is some intangible trait or quality in them that makes them "feminine." Of course, there are those women who do not appear feminine, too. Yet, for the purposes of our discussion, we will look at the former.

How is it that some women, despite their far less than glamorous appearance are able to appear as truly feminine and ladylike? Simple, the true feminine self lies within, not without. What we, as transgendered persons, seek is also within. To reveal this inner femme self we need not add more covering, but rather "carve" away all that is not feminine.

If you are lucky enough to have a supportive partner, ask her to carefully observe you as your "femme self. Invite honest, constructive comments about your overall appearance. These comments could range from how you sit and walk, to how you interact with others while en femme. This is also an important part of what support groups are all about.

Support groups should be a nurturing environment in which the members’ femme selves are encouraged to mature and develop. All too often, we seek only flattering compliments about our appearance when we get together. Remember, we are "sisters" and should be able to rely upon the honesty of our sisters to help us continue to "carve" away that which is not feminine.

Through observing other women, the help of our partners and sisters, we should be able to eventually reveal that self that lies hidden within us. As a result of our years of hiding our femme selves, there is a lot that needs to be removed. Each time you dress for an evening at home, or on the town, take the time to "carve" away a little more. With time, you won’t need tips & tricks to feel that you have successfully transformed your male self into your femme self. You will feel it.

Remember, true feminine expression comes from within, not without. Happy dressing.

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