Spring Cleaning

By Linda Kaye

Linda Kaye (formerly Linda Peacock) has long been active in the transgender community. She has been on the board of SPICE, an organization for the significant others of MTF transgenders. She has written extensively on family issues.

“There is a natural wisdom in your life’s cyclic pattern—your experience of shedding the old and regeneration, of fullness and emptiness, of rest and activity. Let it teach you.”
(Karen Katafiasz, Celebrate Your Womanhood Therapy)

I found this particular quotation very appropriate as we begin the new year. It is time to reflect on the old, and let it go. Over the past year, we have had a multitude of experiences, good and bad, and we’ve had to make choices. To continue to worry about the problems of the past only allows them to continue in our minds and spirits. Life does move in cyclic patterns and in doing so, we have been given the chance to let go of the old and to concentrate, instead, on today and the future.

As nature gives us the gift of regeneration, a chance for renewal, I think it is important to reflect on all aspects of our lives. Those of you reading this work are either transgendered or are a partner of a transgendered person. Transgenderism must play a very important and dramatic part of your life and of the relationship you may be in. For some of you, it is a very positive part of your life; for others, there is continued pain, confusion, fear and probably anger.

If you genuinely wish to use the new year as an opportunity to wash the slate clean and to seek renewal as well as regeneration, perhaps it is time to look deep inside yourself. This is important if you are transgendered or if you are a partner. You are human, and it is right that every human do internal “Spring cleaning” of their life spirits.

In the past, I have dwelled far too long on events and situations that were out of my control, and which were particularly painful. By doing so, I prevented healing from beginning. And by preventing healing, I also prevented natural, spiritual and emotional growth as a person, notwithstanding, as a woman.

Perhaps one of the hardest thing any human can do is to realize their place in the universe. When you think of the billions of people who have lived in the past, or who are currently living, and those who are yet to come, you become seemingly miniscule in the scheme of things. This, however, I believe to be a falsehood. Each of us has a purpose in our creation; the spirit of life we have been given is a gift, and it is how we use this gift of life that is most important.

It is vitally important that we don’t throw the gift we have been given away. By this, I am talking about self-acceptance. None of us are perfect; yet, the creator has given us thought, feelings, abilities. To deny any of these is to throw that particular gift away. It is as difficult to accept your positive parts as it is to accept the negatives. Perhaps, it is harder to see the good inside you than it is to see that which you think is “bad.” What is most important is that you have a right to your place in this universe. You, alone, are totally unique in your creation; there is no other, past, present, or future, who is like you. Be you man or woman, transgendered or not, you are unique because you are you; you are a blend of ancestors, of the past, all woven into the person you are.

There is beauty within you. What is outside has no meaning; rather, your beauty stems from what is natural, from self-acceptance of all you are, and from self-love. It is so hard to love ourselves. We are self-conscious, so vulnerable. We tend to dwell on all we see as wrong with ourselves, and we often put aside what we see as good in ourselves, in embarrassment. Think of how hard it is to take a compliment!

Beauty comes in many forms, and each of us sees it where another might not. What is most important is that we see the beauty that dwells within ourselves. If we can’t see it in ourselves, then how can we see beauty in others?

Life is hard enough without disliking yourself. Time is too precious to waste on telling yourself that you are not who you wish you were. Why try to mold yourself into someone you are not? Instead, accept yourself, love yourself and let your life move on. Each of us is gifted with abilities to reach out to others. We can't all be Mother Teresa's; yet, if we do not give of ourselves, we are denying our creation and our own self-value. We wallow in self-pity and pain, and in doing so, we are blinded to the pain of others.

In our transgendered community, where there is no one who has not suffered pain, guilt, fear, we see people rising, like the Phoenix, from the ashes of self-pity, and becoming examples to others. You see this not only in the transgendered, but in the partners, who deal with issues far different; yet the pain and fear is similar. To overcome this is a monument to our self-sufficiency and self-resilience. It is accepting the gift of our spirit, loving that spirit, and using it to reach out to others.

Jimmy Buffett, the song writer and singer says, “Those who think too much before they act, don’t act too much.” He’s right. Use your precious time wisely, and don't concentrate too much on what you need to do. Just do it - get on with life!


Linda Kaye is married to Vanessa Kaye, who also writes for Transgender Forum. They have their own web site you may enjoy.




Linda and Vanessa have completed their first book together, entitled:
"Life With Vanessa"
Straight talk about integrating transgenderism into
a loving, caring and positive relationship.


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