Katherine's Story
A Wife's Tale of Discovery

Hugh and I have been together a little more than a year. This is the second time around for both of us. He had been married for 27 years, I had been married for 14 years. He is a former amateur power lifting champion, construction worker, forestry worker and entrepeneur. Recently turned writer, he is currently working on his second and third books. I have worked in the human services field for 11 years. I have worked with high school drop outs, young offenders, adults and children with developmental disabilities. Currently, I work as a manager dealing training and information for a small firm. We enjoy moonlight walks, animals, Irish Celtic music, shopping and talking until all hours of the night.

It was late in the evening on Valentine's Day when Hugh first told me about Jenny. Lying in bed, in the dark, he nervously said that he had something important to tell me. As I held him, I felt his fear and anxiety grow. He was shaking. He explained that he wanted to explore an important part of himself that had been denied for years. He told me the story of being "caught" by his mother while wearing his sister's things, and the humiliation that followed. He also spoke of another difficult time when his ex-wife came home earlier than expected.

We talked for a while and I assured him of my love. I could feel how important it was for him to tell me about Jennifer Leigh. I needed to talk as well, after all, I hadn't expected to learn there was a part of him I did not know at all.

On an intellectual level, I understood what Jenny was saying to me. On an emotional level, I wanted her to know it was safe to "come out". I also wanted to see how I would feel. On Sunday I helped Hugh get rid of his beard. Boy, what a difference. He looked 15 years younger! I momentarily mourned the passing of his furry face and then forged on.

On Monday, I gave Jenny her first makeover. She was down right beautiful. I had to say so. Yet part of me felt stiff for feeling the way I did. What was happening here? My partner was looking very different, yet I could feel the love between us was unchanged.

That night, I got emotional and mourned the passing of the big, burly fellow I had known as Hugh. I could not hold back the tears. I was confused and felt very unsure of myself. I wanted to be supportive, but was having difficulty managing the feelings raging through me. Jenny did a wonderful job of expressing her feelings for me and explaining her hopes and dreams. She held me tightly and assured me we could take things slowly.

I also had to confess that I was having concerns about my own reactions; specifically, I was having difficulty with the fact I was having difficulties. I don't like to think of myself as narrow-minded, but part of me was struggling with the whole thing. I took some time and asked myself some questions. I looked at what had actually changed - Hugh is becoming Jenny in actions and appearance. I then looked at what hadn't changed - his love for me.

Since the time I learned about Jenny, I have discovered that she is as caring, loving and as gentle as Hugh ever was - maybe more so. I have learned that Hugh and Jenny are one and the same; it's just that certain choices and actions made before will be exchanged for others more in keeping with how she sees herself.

Jenny has trusted and loved me enough to include me in this very personal transition. There is a softness in her that draws me. I want to get to know her the way she knows herself, not the way she has had to be up until now. This transition has already stretched my notions about love and the bonds between two people.

Jenny and I believe that separation and dualism are major sources of suffering on this planet. The challenge facing each of us to lovingly accept and integrate the many aspects of ourselves, to acknowledge the divine within and recognize and honour our connection to all of creation. If my love chooses to express himself as Jenny, then that is as it should be. Self healing and elimination of separation within is where it must start for each of us.

If we can't face all the parts of ourselves and say "I love you, all of you" then there is little hope for genuine love and acceptance of our fellow creatures. And this thing we call love...what is it really? How often do we use that word when we mean something else? "I love you" can mean "Don't leave me," "Don't change," " Please feel for me the way I feel for you". What is unconditional love? Can it meet our needs? Does it have to - that is, can we find ways to meet our own needs, to heal ourselves - thus freeing us to love, not from need, but from the heart?

I have kissed Hugh and Jenny. I have experienced the joy of watching someone become more like herself, of holding her as she quivers to a kiss as never before, of feeling her surrender to emotion as I hold her. There is a growing tenderness between us that was never quite there before.

I have discovered that I love Jenny as fiercely as I loved Hugh, perhaps even more. Jenny is letting me touch places inside her that Hugh could not. Perhaps it is through Jenny that I will come to truly know the one I love.

Blessings,
Katherine



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