A Letter To A Friend


A dear friend of ours wrote to tell us of the break-up of her relationship with a woman she cared very much for. Below is an edited version of our reply:

Linda and I were very distressed at your news. We had hoped, for your sake, that things would work out. Any relationship is a chance to take, be you transgendered or not, and there are no givens. What if she had accepted your crossdressing, but not cared for something else about you? Would you feel the same?

There is the reality of a loving, caring relationship which includes your transgenderism. I think you need to sit back and do some healing. Also, rather than consider your crossdressing a hateful thing, think about it as a rare gift. We know that this is hard for you to do, for you are deeply hurting. We all go through times when there are things about ourselves that we hate - not just being transgendered. None of us is perfect; yet, there are so many gifts we are given, and we will see those gifts, on occasion, as burdens.

Think about this: Your transgendered side is something that has been always with you, and will continue. It is a gift - although right now you cannot see that - but nonetheless, it is a part of the entirity of you. True love knows no boundaries when dealing with gender issues. You cannot compartmentalize yourself, nor can anyone expect that of you. If she could not accept this part of you, perhaps it was not meant to be. We cannot downplay her feelings, for they are as real as yours; she simply may not be able to handle this. Many women cannot; but there are those who can.

That she obviously felt attraction and caring for you is very apparent. You are a loveable person; you are a good person; you are beautiful inside, and no doubt that is what she saw. However, we all have our limitations, and perhaps the transgenderism is her limitation.

Dear friend, take each day as it comes. You cannot put away your hurting, but must live through it. There is sunshine on the other side. If there is anything we can do, let us know. In your pain, do not deny who you are, nor condemn your transgendered side. It is a part of you, and you are good.

Love,
Vanessa & Linda


If you want to write to the Kayes, click here! Letter to: Vanessa & Linda Kaye



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