Through Whose Eyes Do We See?

By Vanessa Kaye


As we look at a painting or sculpture, do we say that we like or dislike it based upon what we feel or what we have been told? This is a crucial question and one that applies to the broad spectrum of our entire life.

Is it better to teach our children that a particular piece of artwork is beautiful and valuable based upon the artist, or to let them decide for themselves what is to be appreciated? There is a great and poignant difference between the two approaches and this sets the underlying theme for the remainder of a child's life. Should they decide what is beautiful, valuable, good or bad, based upon what they have been told, or based upon their own experiences?

While we will always wish to protect our children from those experiences which will harm them, it is a near impossibility. What we can do is to give them a foundation upon which to establish their own value judgments.

Often we are asked, "Should we tell our children about the crossdressing?" This is a difficult question to answer. Far more important is what the couple have taught their children about viewing the diversity of our world. Have they used the approach of "This painting was done by Rembrandt, so it is beautiful and priceless." Or, have they urged their children to seek for themselves what they like? Have they taught acceptance of those with different skin color, religious beliefs, lifestyles and the like? Or, have they instead taught bigotry and hatred?

We have a friend who is a long time crossdresser. She has a supportive wife and together they go out often. Our crossdressing friend seeks only to be treated as the lady she projects herself to be. And, in all honesty, she is a charming and attractive woman when en femme. One day, we were talking about her desire to attend church services while en femme. I asked why she felt she could not do so. Her reply startled me. "Our church is rather conservative. We don´t welcome homosexuals, so I don´t think that they would welcome me while dressed." So, I asked what was her view of homosexuality. "It´s sinful and disgusting, and they shouldn´t be allowed in God´s house, " was the reply.

Here is a person whom we would recommend not to tell her children. If she has instilled such an intolerance of others in her own family, it is unlikely that they would welcome her alternate persona. Our friend, while proclaiming that there is nothing wrong or sinful about her crossdressing, who goes out to gay bars while en femme, and wishes to be accepted for her identity, was herself, intolerant of others.

For those who raise their children to be accepting of the ways of others, it should be of no consequence to tell of their transgendered nature. However, for those who instill a viewpoint of prejudice and intolerance, they can hardly expect to be accepted by their family, and even more importantly, accepted by themselves.

Is it important to tell your friends and family about your transgendered nature? Our answer is simply this: It is far more important that you have displayed an honest acceptance of people different from yourself. Do you see the painting as being beautiful in itself, or because someone has told you that it is beautiful? Do you, your family and friends see the world through their own eyes, or through lenses colored by the opinions of others?