etworking has been a buzz word
for some time. Through networking with friends, business acquaintances
and coworkers, a great many people have been helped to find challenging
and rewarding jobs, as well as progressing "up the ladder." The
same idea can be well applied to a support organization for couples in
a transgendered relationship.
This past March, Vanessa and I attended the famed "Texas T-Party" and at the invitation of Cynthia and Linda Phillips, we presented a seminar based on Transgendered Relationship issues. We had 41 attendees, plus ourselves, and we covered a variety of issues, but mainly discussing the importance of communication. Although many of the couples in the room had worked through a great many issues and had successfully incorporated the transgendered side of one partner, it was obvious that other couples were continuing the hard work toward their goals.
What was very apparent to so many of us in that program was that couples really appreciated the support of others like them, and that this sharing is a real necessity to us.
On the way home that Sunday, Vanessa and I talked extensively about what we had heard from so many people at the T - that we, as couples in a transgendered relationship, need that sense of knowing that there are others out there, just like us, who are working as hard as we are to find a way for this transgendered side within the partnership.
Out of our conversation came the concept for the formation of the "Couples Network." Although this support organization is still in its infancy, we want people to know that this Network is now available and that it will expand to its full realization only with the participation of other couples.
There are those who have dreamed of such a Network, or Couples Support Group, such as Carol Beecroft, of Tri-Ess. Carol, along with her partner, has attempted to bring together couples from the area of California in which they live. Carol's greater vision was to have this support group expand throughout the country, and that may still be an eventuality.
What the Network will bring to couples, instead of a specific group meeting, is the opportunity for couples to help other couples. We have commitments from 20 couples across the country who will be willing to provide individual support to couples in their geographic area through email, snailmail, telephone calls and possibly, face-to-face meetings.
Why and how, you ask, can this all work? Vanessa and I will do the following: We will organize a listing of working couples, to whom we will refer new couples as they contact us via email. We have a web site, Vanessa Kaye's Pages, which includes a Couples Page, and we will have a section publicizing the Couples Network and its function on that page. We are averaging 200 hits a day to our pages, a good many of them seeming to be wives/partners, and if a wife/partner or couple desire to have contact with a couple in their geographical area, they will write us at our email address, mhk@ionet.net. Vanessa and I will respond back to the inquiring couple, doing our best to "screen" them, and try to find out what their specific needs are. Once we have had contact with them, and feel assured that we can refer them, we will contact a working couple in their area, and ask them to contact the inquiring couple. We will also send an informational notice to all support organizations and groups in the US and we are preparing a survey to be sent to each prospective working couple, which will allow that couple to provide us with the information we will need when referring a couple in need to them. The survey will ask how to refer the couples, i.e., email, safe mailing address, what topics they feel they have had useful experience in, such as children's issues, security, money issues, etc.
What if someone living in Boston, emails or writes to a couple in, let's say California? The couple in California would contact us, we would then search through the database and find a support couple in the Boston area. This is how "networking" works. It is basically an organized referral service.
What if we have a working couple who is not on the 'Net? Working couples such as this will have a safe mail address, such as a PO Box, and we will refer the inquiring couple to that address.
As the Network grows, Vanessa and I will begin producing a newsletter for couples involved in the Network, taking their contributions and comments and perhaps doing regular columns about our couples. It is not only an opportunity for the Network couples to get to know each other, but also their opportunity to share their stories with each other.
Eventually, we hope that the Network will grow to a point where we can begin meeting as a large group once a year, at a Couples Conference. This would not be competition with any other conference or convention program; rather, it would be a chance to meet each other face to face, talk about issues, solutions, and just have fun. There would be times for the transgendered partner to express both the male and femme personas. However, this Couples Conference is still a ways down the road. There is much work to be done in getting the Network going, and becoming a vital link for couples who need to talk to other couples.
It can't be done with just the 20 couples we have. We need many couples across the nation who are willing to step out and offer to be friends and supporters to others. It is time to go to work, to unite, to become a vital outlet within the "gender community" as a whole.
Vanessa and I have a vision of this Network having no affiliation with any national or local support organization. It would be a separate entity that prospers because couples work together to make it work. Financially, it would require little, if any money to run. It would only take commitment and time on the part of the couples willing to give of themselves.
If you are interested in being a part of this network, and are willing to be there for couples who need your support, strength and wisdom, please contact us. Those of us who have been helped by others, have an obligation to help others like ourselves. The Couples' Network is one way that we can make the road a little less rocky for others than it was for so many of us.
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