The Parent Adviser


No Such Thing as a Fine Whine

Question I have a 5-year-old girl who is extremely bright and generally well-behaved. The only problem is that she's a terrible whiner and always wants to be babied! How do I break her of this?

Answer There's only one way to put an end to your daughter's whining: Ignore it. Pay no attention to it, none. The solution may sound easy, but carrying it out is difficult and a real test for a parent.

At a time when your daughter isn't whining, tell her: "I can't tolerate your whining any longer. Do you know what your whiny voice sounds like?" Then demonstrate it for her.

Ask her, "Do you know what your regular voice sounds like?" Let her find her regular voice and practice it. Then tell her, "When you use your whiny voice I'll say, 'I can't talk to you when you whine.' I'll only talk to you when you use your regular voice."

Prepare for Battle
Now what are you going to do when she whines? You're going to turn away--don't establish eye contact--and say, "I can't talk to you when you whine." When she uses her regular voice, be sure you attend to her immediately.

Of course, your daughter will feel compelled to test your new rule, and her whining will probably get worse before it gets better. That's because she'll have a tough time believing you're not going to pay attention to her whiny voice as you always have. And she'll be determined to pull you back to your old way of responding to it.

New Leaf
Be prepared for the fact that she's going to be mad, not because she wants to be a whiner the rest of her life, but because she doesn't like the fact that you're changing.

When she whines and pleads for you to respond to her, keep telling yourself, "I'm doing you a favor by breaking you of this habit. No one wants to be around whiners."

You'll have to hold firm, and if you do, she'll be cured of her whining habit in three days.

Send us your Ideas Your Turn: How did you cure a whiner? Send us your stories and we'll post them on Family Planet.

About Jan Faull.

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August 5, 1996
There's only one way to put an end to whining: Ignore it.


Send us your Ideas
Your Turn: Send us your ideas on this topic, and we'll post them on Family Planet soon.


ON WEDNESDAY: Should a bright child go to kindergarten a year early?


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If you have a question or concern about your school-age child, send it to us in an e-mail message, and we'll forward it to Jan Faull.

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