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Behaving for Dollars

Do your kids act better if they think they’ll earn something for being good? Do you give them gifts or money if they behave, or is some other reward system more effective? Share your experiences with rewards with other parents.


Roberta from u.oregon.edu at Tuesday, July 30, 1996, 5:12pm ET
My mom used to tell us that if we did something she wanted us to do, we'd get to eat our favorite food that night. I don't know if that was a good idea -- it somehow instilled the notion that food is a reward, which leads to weight gain.


Paula from capconnect.net at Tuesday, July 30, 1996, 5:32pm ET
Whenever my daughter behaves well, makes me proud of her, or we get through a day without screaming at eachother, she gets 25 cents to put into her piggy bank. After about a month, we go through the piggy bank and she gets to buy a toy of her choosing as a reward for "being such a good girl." It has been pretty effective so far--on the months where she doesn't have much money to spend on a new toy, she's dissapointed. And the next month she's usually a little nicer and better behaved.


Tony from arfree.net at Tuesday, July 30, 1996, 6:01pm ET
I don't believe in this bribe system. If my son is nice or does something great, we tell him and he knows that we're very proud of him. If he doesn't behave, he gets time out or gets denied a privilege. I don't like the idea of paying a kid to be good -- maybe this is where we get such a materialistic society.



Brandt from nasa.gov at Wednesday, Jul. 31, 1996, 12:30am ET
We manage behavioral contingencies. Our 6 year old girl gets her $2 allowance if she helps out with chores. $1 goes into "long term savings" (she can use this to buy a CD-ROM or something after a few months) and $1 is "pocket money" which she can do as she pleases with. We think it teaches her responsibility. And she begs to use the vacuum when we clean up the house on Sunday afternoon -- right before allowance time!
LisaT from [38.243.92.67] at Wednesday, Jul. 31, 1996, 10:43am ET
My daughters teachers and I have noticed that if she thinks she is going someplace special, a Grandparent's house or Chuck E. Cheese, she tends to be much better behaved. Taking things like home videos and time outs only seem to matter at that moment but the next day are easily forgotten. I think special outings give a lot more excitment and incentive for kids to behave. The other important thing is to collaborate with the childs teachers so that the teachers can benefit from the reward system as well.
Cindy K. from [193.91.212.2] at Thursday, Aug. 1, 1996, 9:20am ET
A few months ago my 2-year-old son and i went on a one-hour flight together. I told him that if he behaved well through the entire flight, he would get an ice cream at the airport when he landed. Not only did he behave admirably the whole time, he was very proud of himself when he got the ice cream!

Some would call this a bribe. I don't care what you call it, i think we came up with a solution that was much better for both of us than threats or punishment would have been. And he just glowed with pride when he got to pick his ice cream!

We've used the same pattern for other special situations, offering a new toy car, extra TV or computer time, or a favorite game with mamma or pappa as an incentive. I wouldn't do this for ordinary good behavior, but when you're asking a child to do something that is hard for them, i think it's a good solution.
Bill from mn.us at Friday, Aug. 2, 1996, 5:12pm ET
It depends on the reward. If the reward is a complement - I am all for it. "Catching our children doing something right" is worth far more than the actual reward. We may be seeing the dollar, ice cream cone or candy as the motivator when the child is actually responding to our positive attention.
Amy from mn.us at Sunday, Aug. 4, 1996, 12:51am ET
I agree with Bill. When I've noticed that my 5yr old son has been exceptionally good then I reward him with something special. His choice of dinner, either cooked or out, or sometimes a movie, but he never knows when it is coming. I also give him an allowance for things that he does above and beyond. For instance, emptying the dishwasher, or helping with the clothes. He doesn't get allowance for things he is supposed to do anyway, like putting away his clothes. I believe this not only teaches him about responsibility, but it also teaches him about money management. He was saving up to by a PS castle. He checked all stores to see which was cheapest and learned how hard he would have to work in order to afford the toy. Tonight he found a bowling set that he had been wanting for a long time and he made his first big purchase of $21. Then he turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I will have made the money back in about 5wks. I know I can do it, and then I'll have that castle."
Mark from csufresno.edu at Sunday, Aug. 4, 1996, 11:30pm ET
Kids are getting smarter these days and it is difficult to know what is right in disciplining them.Time out doesn't always work!We have a daughter that is nine that questions why she can't talk to us in a demanding manner as we talk to her.The kids are acting more like adults and less like children.What is right?Who knows?
Denise from mn.us at Tuesday, Aug. 6, 1996, 12:12am ET
We have a chart for my 10 year old and 6 year old with things like brushing their teeth,setting the table, and other age appropriate household chores. There are also special catagories for extra special unasked for favors. They love to check off what they have done and they have a visual of all of the days they have completed their tasks. They express a feeling of accomplishment and of being proud of themselves. I reinforce this with positive feedback and recognizing each thing they have done. I do not punish for tasks not completed, but instead place the responsibilty on them to check the board before they go to bed. My son knows that if his laundry isn't done, then he has nothing clean to wear. Thats punishment enough! (My 6 year old doesn't do her own laundry, but has to have it out and sorted on thursday). As far as rewards go, they get money for doing jobs that aren't on their list-the more difficult, the more they get. I try to stay away from rewards for behavior that is expected, such as not whining at the check out. But I will spontaneously reward them with treats. This way, they're not expecting it every time. I keep treats(small toys and candy or other coveted objects) hidden at home. I especially like to leave them notes, with attached treats from the "Note Fairy" (they know it's me but play along. I think this is extra important when they have tried their hardest, but failed. It's important to recognise honest effort.
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How do you encourage your children to behave?


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