This is a monitored bulletin board. Please keep it family friendly, and if you see something inappropriate, let us know.
Robbie from mn.us at Tuesday, Aug. 6, 1996, 9:09pm ET
helena I agree with you, mediocre parenting can make the twos more difficult. We have 2 children, they are like night and day in many different ways, but, when it came to the twos both had their tantrums. Our oldest , a girl, very mild mannered, had many tantrums at two, she is all the better now for them because she knows that she can't always have her way. While our youngest, a boy, is energetic and full of himself, now at the age of 2 1/2 is right in the middle of the tantrums, we handle him the same way and we know that he will be better off when he moves onto another stage.
Nora from [207.40.255.131] at Tuesday, Aug. 6, 1996, 10:47pm ET
Terrible twos are just a developmental stage of the child. A child's tendency to have a more intense or more laid back temperment will intensify or deintensify this behavior, but this is a normal developmental stage. Parents need to use love, patience and lots of imagination to get through this stage.
Sonya from sterling.com at Tuesday, Aug. 6, 1996, 11:11pm ET
We have 2 1/2 year old twin boys who play off of each other's moods, emotions and actions. While they can both be very challenging at times, it is obvious that they are going through another developmental "phase" in their lives; that is, they are learning to be independent. Pray for patience.
Afterall, they've come a long way in just two short years. This too will pass.
Lisa from [207.48.146.108] at Wednesday, Aug. 7, 1996, 2:16pm ET
Twos get frustrated--that's normal, but parents need to learn to say no--sometimes that's the greatest act of love for a child. And please, please, PLEASE! If your child is having a tantrum in a public place--take them out--don't force other people to endure it! (You're also teaching them that it's not acceptable behavior!)
wendy from [205.164.133.3] at Wednesday, Aug. 7, 1996, 2:58pm ET
I have a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, and had a practice doing psychotherapy with children and their families. I thought that tantrums were a definate problem with parenting until I had my own, energetic, sensitive, tempermental son. I work very hard at helping him with his tantrums. They can occur for no apparent (to me) reason except for sand being in his shoe while we are driving in the car, etc. I now believe that a child's behavior is an interaction between their inborn temperament, and parenting style. I don't know what my child would be like if I wasn't so consistent.
Becky from [208.194.195.31] at Wednesday, Aug. 7, 1996, 11:43pm ET
I don't think it has been said enough already, so I'll repeat: it's developmental! At around two, kids are beginning to be ABLE in so many ways: physically, they are strong and agile, their fingers nimble; mentally, they are showing the beginnings of logical thinking and learning to communicate with more complex ideas and vocabulary; however, their emotional development hasn't had time to make the leaps! My grandmother always said that we can only grow one way at a time...while the body is growing the brain takes a rest, when a mental spurt happens (from single words to sentences, etc.) the body doesn't grow as much, then the affective has its turn. After two kids of my own, and watching their 6 same-age friends grow up with them, I think she's right. I think the terrible twos come when kids are frustrated because we can't quite understand what they want THIS time, or they can't DO what they want to with their bodies in space or time...also, they begin to understand power, and like the feeling of having a litle of it! We as parents have to help them learn to channel their energy into attainable goals, and give them some power sometimes. Pick your fights...Decide if it's really important that the room be spotless (or WHO it's important to--Hint: it's not the kid!). Then comfort your child till s/he is calm(er). Also, sometimes a tantrum is a signal that the child is hungry, or PAST hungry. A glass of juice can work wonders to bring the ol' blood sugar back up, and your child back to normal.
susan from [38.241.48.104] at Thursday, Aug. 8, 1996, 11:32am ET
I never really had a problem with my son at 2. Now that he is three (going on 3 1/2) it seems to me that the "terrible two's" has arrived. I talks back and now with an attitude. At two it simiply was just "NO!" Now it is " I'm not, Mommy." and he tells me what he can and cannot do (at a 3 year old level). I'm not sure I totally believe in "The Terrible TWO'S"
Phil from [193.149.78.187] at 4:44pm ET
We have three children, the youngest is 2! Both of the elder children have been downright little £$%^$3%s during their third year out in the world, both have become polite, almost civilised, almost but very strong minded and self aware rational creatures. The youngest hasn't yet she is still a "little female dog" with a temper and bark to match. She is strong minded and assertive, she exhibits the characteristics of the "terrible twos" when her "wants" come into conflict with what we believe she needs.
She cannot yet articulate her frustration at this "injustice" and hence she has a tantrum!
Christine Gatchell from netcom.com at 1:17am ET
I have a set of 17 month old twin girls at my house!! They are just beginning their adventure into the realms of the "terrible twos" in stereo. To me it is a time of exploring their world. Unfortunately, it is a cause of many a gray hair because you never know what will happen next. To say that this is caused by the parents is to say that cyclones are a figment of the imagination. It seems to me that those who do these studies and come up with these unfortunate ideas have never experienced children. The old adage fits: "Those who can't, teach"
pierre from [205.205.116.146] at 6:02am ET
We have three children,boy 6,girl 5 and boy 2.
We just came back from a camping trip.The first thing are two year old did when he got home was «Viewed his favorite video,play with he's tractor ,blocks,computer,look at the garden pick the red tomatoes not the green ones because they are bad! ....» while on vacation he had «seen the ocean,witnessed tents being destroyed by a storm ,he saw wild horses roam on a beach,he rode on a diesel train because diesel engines are faster then steam engines the six year old told him and the five year old affirmed as being right...» all this and more happened within a ten day period of his short existence.It's obvious after all this that he will be excited,young children are new on this complex yet amazing planet they just want to learn it is are obligation as parents to give them time.I guess the term (terrible twos) should not exist it should be the (Terrific twos ).Imagine what reactions you would have if you had just landed on another planet...
shelley from [192.246.9.35] at 10:26am ET
I think that whomever wrote the article at Parent's Daily either doesn't have kids or their kids are not normal. It is NOT the parent's fault. This is a point in a child's life when they are learning to communicate their wishes and stand up for themselves. They do not fully grasp the idea that someone else, (mom and dad) is in charge. Also, as already mentioned, tantrums can occur for no apparent reason. A parent can contribute to "terrible twos" by not being firm with their children at this stage. It takes time, patience and understanding not more blaming! My son is now 3 and I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to everyone with a "terrible" two-year old!
Martin from fishnet.net at 10:41am ET
First, my children have never been "terrible". They've been contentious, rebellious, willful and bold, not least because the feel absolutely safe with me, but they have never been terrible.
On the other hand, anyone who has ever watched kittens playing, practically out of the womb, knows what a ridiculous crock of nonsense your cited studies are.
Martin from fishnet.net at 10:47am ET
I have just read your piece on "terrible twos", after writing my first comment, and I'm now obliged to publicly pull my foot out of my mouth. The story isn't what I expected from your summary above. My first comment is still accurate, I think, but the point of the study you cited is certainly well taken.
joanne from [149.25.33.192] at 12:58pm ET
As the parent of two boys ages 5 and 29 monthes. I do not think
that parents are responsible for "the terrible twos". My oldest son has a totally
different personality than his younger more "temper tantrum" prone brother. I often
wonder if half of my youngest frustration level is the result of seeing his older
brother doing things he is not yet old enough for. We had a wonderful time trying to
keep him off the baseball field this summer during my eldest first year of T-ball.
I believe that things will get better soon as he can participate in more activites.
More Nitty Gritty