Melnik Notes

July/August 1996
By Peg Melnik

Family Planet

MORE ISSUES OF MELNIK NOTES

Editor's Note: The print version of MelnikNotes also includes an interview with the authors, an advice column by the staff psychologist, and a commentary by Peg Melnik. For details, read About MelnikNotes.



What did you think? Share your views on the strategies in Positive Discipline A to Z.


Positive Discipline A to Z

This month MelnikNotes shares highlights from Positive Discipline A to Z (Prima Publishing, 354 pages, $14.95) by Jane Nelsen, Lynn Lott, and H. Stephen Glenn. On the verge of a nervous breakdown? If you're tempted to put your kid in a straitjacket from time to time, this book will teach you how to put a positive spin on discipline. The authors assure you it's possible to maintain discipline and still treat your kid with dignity and respect. Read on and learn how to be a proactive parent rather than a reactive one. What follows is an overview of some of the major points in Positive Discipline A to Z; this is an excerpt from the July/August issue of MelnikNotes.

Proactive Parenting
You can become a proactive parent when you grasp the philosophy of positive discipline and begin to practice it. Positive discipline is a kind but firm and respectful way of parental limit-setting. "Firmness with kindness guides children to cooperate and learn boundaries while feeling secure."

Proactive parents continually remind themselves that the long-range purpose of parenting is to help children develop high self-esteem and to learn life skills such as problem-solving and cooperation. This motivates parents to look for long-term solutions when disciplining rather than quick fixes.

Truth or Consequences
No need to fume and spank, the authors assure you. To put positive discipline into practice, you can simply rely on logical consequences. For example, if one kid hits another, a logical consequence would be to remove him from his playmates for a short period of time.

If you begin to question your logic on occasion, you can use the three Rs of logical consequences as a guide: related, respectful, and reasonable. The authors give this example: "If a child draws on a wall, it would be related, respectful, and reasonable for that child to clean the wall."

Keep the Faith
Of course your kids won't always do the right thing, but you can still have faith in them. Having faith means that your kids will probably act appropriately for their age most of the time. Hallelujah.

And if you have faith you won't feel compelled to punish or control. You can keep "the long-range picture in mind" by reminding yourself--over and over if necessary--that your kid won't act like Bart Simpson forever.

Home Rule
Are you a practicing positive disciplinarian or did you even know the term existed? E-mail Family Planet and request a free issue of MelnikNotes so you can learn why kids misbehave in the first place.

Other highlights in the July/August issue include:

  • A helping of alphabet soup: a look at some specific problems and solutions compiled in Positive Discipline A to Z
  • A glance at how the theory of positive discipline developed
  • The best gift you can give your child--and why it's so remarkable

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