Michael walked into my life just after I decided to stop looking for him. It was such a drain trying to find the right quotient of fun, sexiness and intelligence in a guy. So I gave up trying. I will be what I want in a man. I will do more paintings, see my friends, enjoy my solitary life and generally just quit searching for the right guy. And I did not want any meaningless flings along the way either. I was going to enjoy life without pining for the arms of a sexy guy who even had a brain to match. I would follow my laughter to my own nirvana.
There he was, at the other end of the bar in a sea of strangers. Watching me order my vodka and grapefruit juice before I had noticed him. He was smiling like he knew who I was even though we had never met in this lifetime. It was at that moment that I felt the most naked, my soul and skin displayed before him without any artifice of a facade. And he looked like me in a way that felt as if he was a family member, a family I had never known. I have always believed a look can change your life and here it was happening in front of me, or at least 30 feet away "across a crowded room" of Halloween night revelers.
His eyes told me something that no man had ever said. Speaking to me, instantaneously, without talking, they told me "you dazzle me, and I want to spend the rest of my life figuring out who you are." That line had never been tried on ME in a crowded bar by horny guys who are after one thing only.
Before I knew it we were deep in conversation together, a bubble of magic surrounding us, we were not even in the bar anymore, drinking each other in, instead of our drinks. I looked down and saw my hand on his thigh and I did not remember putting it there as we talked. It's a habit I learned from my father, touching people. My hand felt at home on his blue jeaned thigh, would I ever be moving it?
And then we kissed goodbye. If there was any doubt before our lips met, it was gone for good now. These were the lips I wanted to kiss every day for the rest of my life on this planet and beyond. I did not want to bother with any other set of lips after this moment. This is the only man I want to mix genes with to make babies.
We wanted to get married on a frozen lake outside of Syracuse, New York, but it was June when we got around to it.
It's been 15 years since we saw each other across that room and I love letting this man happen to me year after decade. His laugh is one of the things I have to hear every day. I want those beefy arms around me. He continues to take my breath away and give it back with a rainbow inside of it. He makes me laugh and he nudges me to change in ways that I was too afraid to try. I'm keeping this one forever.
Talk about nudging. He had this great idea. He has great ideas on a daily basis so I just listened and read his temperature, tone and shooting sparks as this one unfolded. This was an idea that he wanted to throw everything we had behind. Meaning, all of our inheritance and most of our credit too, we discovered later. We could have bought a broken-down house in the right neighborhood or a brand new Chevy Suburban AND a trip around the world. None of those things mattered right now. He wanted to buy equipment to put our most heart-throbbing photographs from all of our travels on CD-ROMs and send THEM around the world. He wanted to bypass the stock agencies, distribute art photos to designers, art directors, anyone who didn't need the protocol of acquiring great photos when they needed them most, NOW, without fees, contracts or friction. "Let them have the photos to do what they want with them."
His grandmother spelled it out for us; "Don't be a P-I-G HOG!" "You mean copyright free?" I asked incredulously. Michael has always been an open sharing guy but I thought this was going too far. "It's the only way to keep the originals home instead of in some agency office competing with the few big guys who get the bulk of the stock photo buyers." This was sounding good to me. I was tired of being treated as a non-entity instead of an artist when I had taken the photograph that was being "considered", read- fingerprinted and scratched for a layout that had to be negotiated to a dime's worth, the check to be delivered only after repeated calls to their accounting department. "Just give it to them, instead!" Michael exclaimed.
The light in his eyes was not going to go out until he had done this. I could tell his passion was changing our lives. He wanted to make a difference by riding this future wave of CD-ROM technology that was so far-out to sea, I couldn't see it. So instead of replacing lath board with drywall on precious weekends, the "fixer upper" house was relegated to a back, back burner where it belonged. We had 3 old cars to drive. We didn't need a new Suburban. We have not given up leaving home to search out more great shots no matter what our bank balance says. So I jumped in alongside his strong souled dive into the digital world and never looked back. He pushed me into this CD-ROM wave kicking and screaming, before it had gathered much steam. It has allowed me to put my art where people can use it. Rude free. Passion wins over mortgage payments.
He's one guy in a billion.
It was Halloween night, 1979, the fateful night my eyes gazed upon my soul mate for the first time. Dressed as an "Orc" from The Hobbit her face half black with a white eye and half white with a black eye, I got a deliciously long opportunity to drink in her laugh and watch her whirl around the dance floor with her girlfriends before she discovered me. She was amazing. Tall, slender and laughing, sparkly and bright. There she was a total person, unattached and happy. She didn't require some schnook as merely a checkbook filler. This babe was self-contained and that's what drew me in. She was completely disguised except for those naked blue eyes. Whoa. I glided over to sit down, grin beaming, next to the woman I would marry and have a child with. Before that moment, I didn't even want kids!
Pouring over her in disbelief my heart pounded with anxiousness, spine tingling.
My opening line was; "Are you a schizophrenic?" "How did you know?" she questioned with those eyes fast-blinking a million flutters a second. I saw infinity inside her as if gazing in a telescope aimed at The Pleiades. Feeling incredibly comfortable with this beautiful young woman, I immediately started expressing who she was. She listened more carefully after I guessed she was Polish.
Her aura was bright aqua and her thoughts were easily read. I explained, "You are sensitive, laugh a lot, love avocados, garlic and chocolate. You are an artist, are very strong-willed and independent, express easily and I'm totally amazed by you, whoever you are."
After Mary gave me her phone number on a matchbook. I touched her lips with mine just in case she was an apparition. We kissed twice and sparks were shooting, oh my God! I had finally encountered my missing heart-locket half! The exact soul-mate and the best friend I was praying for. Those first moments crystallized deeply in my soul, etching a symphonic instant-replay sequence permanently inside me. This chance meeting in a tavern energized my destiny.
Mary's life deserves its own movie. She was raised in a big Syracuse NY Catholic family. The nuns told her to be a doctor when she was in the second grade. Mom told her to become a bank teller, wear panty hose and make car payments. Dad said just be happy. Her breakaway from home was hitch-hiking to Key West, FL with `Sleeve' her quiet and cuddly bus-riding cat. Moving next to San Francisco to taste the left coast jingle, Mary blossomed in the colorful collection of personalities there.
One night in 1979 she was jolted awake by an inner nudging to go back to Syracuse. It was to meet me, Mr. California kid stuck on the wrong coast.
Mary is one hellava gal. A psychic explained to me early on what a "grand trine" she is and I would learn mostly from her! My male ego was crushed! Here I thought I was the diamond! What a tip. Honoring Mary's power has been quite a reward.
Most men find it difficult to accept that women are entitled to equal or greater billing then males. Not me. I feel like even though I dangle balls, Mary is the grounded earth-warrior who shoulders the truth in any arena. I honor her as a complete spirit who just happens to come packaged as a saucy, elegant sexy woman who justifiably deserves her name in front of mine.
So here I am trying to explain who this powerful fountain of wisdom in a dazzlingly radiant smoky-voiced, laugh-filled energy- Mary Patricia Bartnikowski. Bartnikowski means "keeper of the bees" in Polish. It's that one-quarter Sicilian blood which blesses her with an amazing home-town advantage of expressive verbal gesticulation. Like the ocean wave striking the shore without asking, Mary delivers truth with brilliant pith. Some people don't appreciate her directness but I cherish it. It's fun hanging out with Mary because I'm guaranteed her total presence without those "polite" false tidings I was taught as a kid. "It is much better to agree than to disagree." No way José !
Mary is a brilliant photographer. Her shots are luminous and crisp. Angel's hands guide hers. Her contribution to this CD project has been epic. Most of these shots originated directly from her discerning eye. Her artistic commitment to excellence fused with my technological knowledge has created a marriage of science and art. It has taken over three years to birth Cloud Gallery. Mary tenderly comforted me through many a system crash.
I wish you could hear her head-turn laugh. She has more distinct laughs than anyone I ever met. From her salt shaker he-he's, to her belly laugh machine-gun fast ho-hos, this babe is frolicy fun. She listens well, is always probing on the right questions cutting to-the-quick on any subject. Her hands-on approach to a friendship never tarnishes. A better best-friend can not be had. Mary is easy to adore.