A particularly malevolent vivisection of the recent Harley Cafe news release from a good friend:
# Date: Wed, 15 Sep 93 13:24 EDT # X-From: manes@magpie.com (Steve Manes) # Subject: Harley Cafe # # Reprinted without permission from New York Motorcycle News, 9/93. # # ----------------- # In a unique and unprecedented move into the hospitality business,read: in an attempt to grub more money
# Harley-Davidson has enlisted New York restauranteur Marc Packer to open # the first Harley-Davidson Cafe this fall in New York City.Something tells me that a restauranteur shouldn't be involved in anything H-D does. What they need is some old Army cook that smokes large, smelly cigars.
# According to Packer, who was chosen from hundreds of restauranteurs # around the world, the HDC will be the world's first interactive # restaurantInteractive restaurant? As opposed to what?
# to immortalize 90 years of Harley-Davidson history. The # Harley-Davidson Cafe was created in response to the rapidly growing # number of motorcycle enthusiasts across the United States and the # public's greater understanding that motorcycles are driven by people # from all walks of life.read: this is a great way to squeeze more money out of the Japanese and European tourists.
# "To me, and to millions around the world, # Harley-Davidson represents a piece of Americana, " Packer said. # Located at the southeast corner of 56th Street and Avenue of the # Americas (convenient to the 57th Street corridor and some of New York's # top hotels), the Harley-Davidson Cafe will be run by some of the top # designers, culinary wizards, set designers and businessmen. # # The kitchen will be headed by renowned chef Drew Nieporent (Montrachet # and Tribeca Grill) and will offer a varied menu of moderately priced # and sophisticated cuisine.Somehow, I don't quite picture a chef making Harley food.
Hey, who's gonna supply the designer drugs? Ya gotta have drugs at a Harley place. (that last sentence was brought to you by the Committee to Preserve Old Stereotypes)
# Architect/designer Tony Chi (Va Bene in # Hong Kong, Sichuan Court in Jakarta, the Hyatt Regency in Osaka [and # Cafe Society and Tina's in NYC - ed])No no no. They need a guy that designs and builds (forget that architect crap) garages and machine shops. Oh yeah, he's gotta be union too.
# will be designing the magnificent # interior and exterior which will merge the disparate worlds of sports, # music, film, television, and politics in one grand showplace.God, this is sounding more and more like Dollywood.
# Allen # Bank (Walt Disney, Radio City Music Hall, Studio 54) will create # special effects that will dazzle the masses and rival some of # Hollywood's most extravagant sci-fi films.Just what I want, a dazzling laser light show while I'm choking down a 1/3 lb grease bomb.
# The Harley-Davidson Cafe will use the latest video technology, # theatrical lighting, set designs and special effects to blur the # boundaries between fantasy and reality."...what you see infront of you is not really a burger but a close simulation of one. On the other hand, the check just handed to you is real."
# Diners will fully experience # the Harley-Davidson life-style and its impact on American pop culture # in an environment that titillates through constant movement and change # in perspective.What a bunch of crap.
This is like T.G.I.F.'s meets Harley-Davidson.
Who ever wrote this marketdroid crap should shot.
# Patrons will be able to touch, ride and live the way # of Harley. Plumes of smoke and light will effuse from the floor below # and welcome the customer to the world of Harley-Davidson. Patrons will # be able to cruise down Route 66 and relive scenes from their favorite # Harley movies such as "Easy Rider"Cool.
Does that mean they are going to recreate the part where that guy drives that car into that train and blows up?
# as 38-foot American flag with # illuminated stars wavers overhead. Or they can hop on an authentic # vibrating "hog", rev it up, feeling the power of the open road withNeat-o.
Are people gonna be able to get their ass kicked for no apparent reason for looking wrong as some Harley guy?
# James Dean by their side, as they try to escape from the # larger-than-life bald eagle who keeps a watchful eye over the # excitement. # # Patrons can wander around the Harley-Davidson Cafe and see the # evolution of Harley starting from the first Harley-Davidson bike built # back in 1903Ok, that's cool. Seriously.
# to the bikes of the future.Oh god. Concept bikes.
"Hi, I'm Harvey Harley and I'll be your animated guide through the world of Harley-Davidson...."
# Video screens throughout the # establishment will present the many famous personalities that helped # mold Harley into an American institution and the impact and changing # faces it has had through the years.I hope they've got video of Gary Busey dumping his bike and slamming his head into the pavement.
# An extensive collection of # Harley-Davidson memorabilia in addition to possessions from sports # figures, corporate leaders, politicians, television, music and film # stars who all share a love of Harleys will be on display. These # include: The Captain America Bike from the movie "Easy Rider" with a # realistic replica figure of Peter Fonda perched on the seat; never # before seen photographs from the Harley-Davidson archive of Jane # Powell, Jerry Lewis, Marlon Brando and others on their Harleys;Just what Harley wants to help their image: a picture of Jerry Lewis on a Harley.
Again I ask, who is the idiot that thinks this crap up?!
# replicas of legendary sports figures riding in formation on the open # road;What about the Shriners? They've got this cool drill team thing where they ride these neat-o little motorcycles around. I think they're Harleys. Are they gonna be there too?
# and a replica of a world-renowned rock star doing a 3-stage # wheelie as his Harley shoots sparks and smoke from the tailpipes -- # wind blowing through his hair and armed with a Stratocaster guitar. # # After being transformed into Harley fans and aficionados, diners will # be able to locate important points of interest to bikers and # Harley-Davidson by using the huge map of the United States under the # canopy outside the restaurant. The key locations will be illuminated # with points of light. This three-level, multimedia restaurant will # seat 450. Its first two floors will be open to public dining and will # feature a raised dining area and "Hollywood booths". The lower level # will feature a stage with state-of-the-art theatrical lighting and an # extensive sound system for live performances.Whatta ya wanna bet that "real" Harley owners aren't allowed in or won't be able to afford the cover/drinks/food.
The only Harley owners in that place will be the bankers and accountants and lawyers that ride Harleys once a month. "Panhead? What the hell's a panhead?"
# The HDC will be available for parties of 10 to 800. A lavish and # intimate VIP room will be available for special affairs. For those who # enjoy dining outside during the warmer summer months, the HDC will # offer a wrap-around outdoor cafe. The HDC will also feature a # merchandise shop offering various HDC and Harley-Davidson signature # # The Harley-Davidson Cafe is scheduled to open October 1993. It is # located at 1370 Avenue of the Americas (at 56th Street) and will be # open 7 days from 12 noon to 2AM. Take-out facilities and catering will # also be available.Personally, I'd get a gun and find out who came up with this wonderful idea and then stick the gun up this guy's....
-- Cal... "...And you know I guess that means I'm the last wheeling dealing, kiss stealing, limousine riding, jet plane flying sun of jewell@halcyon.com a gun." -- The Nature Boy, Ric Flair