The Harley Media-Blitz

A particularly malevolent vivisection of the recent Harley Cafe news release from a good friend:


Date: Thu, 16 Sep 93 14:31:58 PDT
From: jewell@halcyon.com (Cal Jewell)
Subject: Re: Oh, God no....

# Date: Wed, 15 Sep 93 13:24 EDT 
# X-From: manes@magpie.com (Steve Manes) 
# Subject: Harley Cafe
# 
# Reprinted without permission from New York Motorcycle News, 9/93. 
# 
# ----------------- 
# In a unique and unprecedented move into the hospitality business,
read: in an attempt to grub more money
# Harley-Davidson has enlisted New York restauranteur Marc Packer to open
# the first Harley-Davidson Cafe this fall in New York City.
Something tells me that a restauranteur shouldn't be involved in anything H-D does. What they need is some old Army cook that smokes large, smelly cigars.
# According to Packer, who was chosen from hundreds of restauranteurs
# around the world, the HDC will be the world's first interactive
# restaurant
Interactive restaurant? As opposed to what?
#  to immortalize 90 years of Harley-Davidson history.  The
# Harley-Davidson Cafe was created in response to the rapidly growing
# number of motorcycle enthusiasts across the United States and the
# public's greater understanding that motorcycles are driven by people
# from all walks of life.
read: this is a great way to squeeze more money out of the Japanese and European tourists.
#   "To me, and to millions around the world,
# Harley-Davidson represents a piece of Americana, " Packer said.
# Located at the southeast corner of 56th Street and Avenue of the
# Americas (convenient to the 57th Street corridor and some of New York's
# top hotels), the Harley-Davidson Cafe will be run by some of the top
# designers, culinary wizards, set designers and businessmen.
# 
# The kitchen will be headed by renowned chef Drew Nieporent (Montrachet
# and Tribeca Grill) and will offer a varied menu of moderately priced
# and sophisticated cuisine.
Somehow, I don't quite picture a chef making Harley food.

Hey, who's gonna supply the designer drugs? Ya gotta have drugs at a Harley place. (that last sentence was brought to you by the Committee to Preserve Old Stereotypes)

#   Architect/designer Tony Chi (Va Bene in
# Hong Kong, Sichuan Court in Jakarta, the Hyatt Regency in Osaka [and
# Cafe Society and Tina's in NYC - ed])
No no no. They need a guy that designs and builds (forget that architect crap) garages and machine shops. Oh yeah, he's gotta be union too.
#   will be designing the magnificent
# interior and exterior which will merge the disparate worlds of sports,
# music, film, television, and politics in one grand showplace.
God, this is sounding more and more like Dollywood.
#   Allen
# Bank (Walt Disney, Radio City Music Hall, Studio 54) will create
# special effects that will dazzle the masses and rival some of
# Hollywood's most extravagant sci-fi films.
Just what I want, a dazzling laser light show while I'm choking down a 1/3 lb grease bomb.
# The Harley-Davidson Cafe will use the latest video technology,
# theatrical lighting, set designs and special effects to blur the
# boundaries between fantasy and reality.
"...what you see infront of you is not really a burger but a close simulation of one. On the other hand, the check just handed to you is real."
#    Diners will fully experience
# the Harley-Davidson life-style and its impact on American pop culture
# in an environment that titillates through constant movement and change
# in perspective.
What a bunch of crap.

This is like T.G.I.F.'s meets Harley-Davidson.

Who ever wrote this marketdroid crap should shot.

#   Patrons will be able to touch, ride and live the way
# of Harley.  Plumes of smoke and light will effuse from the floor below
# and welcome the customer to the world of Harley-Davidson.  Patrons will
# be able to cruise down Route 66 and relive scenes from their favorite
# Harley movies such as "Easy Rider"
Cool.

Does that mean they are going to recreate the part where that guy drives that car into that train and blows up?

#   as 38-foot American flag with
# illuminated stars wavers overhead.  Or they can hop on an authentic
# vibrating "hog", rev it up, feeling the power of the open road with
Neat-o.

Are people gonna be able to get their ass kicked for no apparent reason for looking wrong as some Harley guy?

# James Dean by their side, as they try to escape from the
# larger-than-life bald eagle who keeps a watchful eye over the
# excitement.
# 
# Patrons can wander around the Harley-Davidson Cafe and see the
# evolution of Harley starting from the first Harley-Davidson bike built
# back in 1903
Ok, that's cool. Seriously.
#   to the bikes of the future.
Oh god. Concept bikes.

"Hi, I'm Harvey Harley and I'll be your animated guide through the world of Harley-Davidson...."

#   Video screens throughout the
# establishment will present the many famous personalities that helped
# mold Harley into an American institution and the impact and changing
# faces it has had through the years.
I hope they've got video of Gary Busey dumping his bike and slamming his head into the pavement.
#   An extensive collection of
# Harley-Davidson memorabilia in addition to possessions from sports
# figures, corporate leaders, politicians, television, music and film
# stars who all share a love of Harleys will be on display.  These
# include: The Captain America Bike from the movie "Easy Rider" with a
# realistic replica figure of Peter Fonda perched on the seat; never
# before seen photographs from the Harley-Davidson archive of Jane
# Powell, Jerry Lewis, Marlon Brando and others on their Harleys;
Just what Harley wants to help their image: a picture of Jerry Lewis on a Harley.

Again I ask, who is the idiot that thinks this crap up?!

# replicas of legendary sports figures riding in formation on the open
# road;
What about the Shriners? They've got this cool drill team thing where they ride these neat-o little motorcycles around. I think they're Harleys. Are they gonna be there too?
#   and a replica of a world-renowned rock star doing a 3-stage
# wheelie as his Harley shoots sparks and smoke from the tailpipes --
# wind blowing through his hair and armed with a Stratocaster guitar.
# 
# After being transformed into Harley fans and aficionados, diners will
# be able to locate important points of interest to bikers and
# Harley-Davidson by using the huge map of the United States under the
# canopy outside the restaurant.  The key locations will be illuminated
# with points of light.  This three-level, multimedia restaurant will
# seat 450.  Its first two floors will be open to public dining and will
# feature a raised dining area and "Hollywood booths".  The lower level
# will feature a stage with state-of-the-art theatrical lighting and an
# extensive sound system for live performances.
Whatta ya wanna bet that "real" Harley owners aren't allowed in or won't be able to afford the cover/drinks/food.

The only Harley owners in that place will be the bankers and accountants and lawyers that ride Harleys once a month. "Panhead? What the hell's a panhead?"

# The HDC will be available for parties of 10 to 800.  A lavish and
# intimate VIP room will be available for special affairs.  For those who
# enjoy dining outside during the warmer summer months, the HDC will
# offer a wrap-around outdoor cafe.  The HDC will also feature a
# merchandise shop offering various HDC and Harley-Davidson signature
# 
# The Harley-Davidson Cafe is scheduled to open October 1993.  It is
# located at 1370 Avenue of the Americas (at 56th Street) and will be
# open 7 days from 12 noon to 2AM.  Take-out facilities and catering will
# also be available.
Personally, I'd get a gun and find out who came up with this wonderful idea and then stick the gun up this guy's....
-- 
Cal...                    "...And you know I guess that means I'm
                           the last wheeling dealing, kiss stealing,
                           limousine riding, jet plane flying sun of
jewell@halcyon.com         a gun."  --  The Nature Boy, Ric Flair

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