`Those two will get the start of us, Helen, if we don't look sharp,' observed Huntingdon. `They'll make a match of it, as sure as can be. That Lowborough's fairly besotted. But he'll find himself in a fix when he's got her, I doubt.'
`And she'll find herself in a fix when she's got him,' said I, `if what I have heard of him is true.'
`Not a bit of it. She knows what she's about; but he, poor fool, deludes himself with the notion that she'll make him a good wife, and because she has amused him with some rodomontade about despising rank and wealth in matters of love and marriage, he flatters himself that she's devotedly attached to him; that she will not refuse him for his poverty, and does not court him for his rank, but loves him for himself alone.
`But is not he courting her for her fortune?'
`No, not he. That was the first attraction, certainly; but now, he has quite lost sight of it: it never enters his calculations, except merely as an essential without which, for the lady's own sake, he could not think of marrying her. No; he's fairly in love. He thought he never could be again, but he's in for it once more. He was to have been married before, some two or three years ago; but he lost his bride by losing his fortune. He got into a bad way among us in London: he had an unfortunate taste for gambling; and surely the fellow was born under an unlucky star, for he always lost thrice where he gained once. That's a mode of self torment I never was much addicted to; when I spend my money I like to enjoy the full value of it: I see no fun in wasting it on thieves and blacklegs; and as for gaining money, hitherto I have always had sufficient; it's time enough to be clutching for more, I think, when you begin to see the end of what you have. But I have sometimes frequented the gaminghouses just to watch the on goings of those mad votaries of chance--a very interesting study, I assure you, Helen, and sometimes very diverting: I've had many a laugh at the boobies and bedlamites. Lowborough was quite infatuated--not willingly, but of necessity,--he was always resolving to give it up, and always breaking his resolutions. Every venture was the `just once more': if he gained a little, he hoped to gain a little more next time, and if he lost, it would not do to leave off at that juncture; he must go on till he had retrieved that last misfortune, at least: bad luck could not last for ever; and every lucky hit was looked upon as the dawn of better times, till experience proved the contrary. At length he grew desperate, and we were daily on the look-out for a case of felo-de-se--no great matter, some of us whispered, as his existence had ceased to be an acquisition to our club. At last, however, he came to a check. He made a large stake which he determined should be the last, whether be lost or won. He had often so determined before, to be sure, and as often broken his determination; and so it was this time. He lost; and while his antagonist smilingy swept away the stakes, he, turning chalky white, drew back in silence and wiped his forehead. I was present at the time; and while he stood with folded arms and eyes fixed on the ground, I knew well enough what was passing in his mind.
`Is it to be the last, Lowborough?' said I, stepping up to him.
`The last but ONE,' he answered, with a grim smile; and then, rushing back to the table, he struck his hand upon it, and raising his voice high above all the confusion of jingling coins and muttered oaths and curses in the room, he swore a deep and solemn oath that, come what would, THIS trial should be the last, and imprecated unspeakable curses on his head, if ever he should shuffle a card or rattle a dicebox again. He then doubled his former stake, and challenged anyone present to play against him. Grimsby instantly presented himself. Lowborough glared fiercely at him, for Grimsby was almost as celebrated for his luck as he was for his ill-fortune. However, they fell to work. But Grimsby had much skill and little scruple, and whether he took advantage of the other's trembling, blinded eagerness to deal unfairly by him, I cannot undertake to say; but Lowborough lost again, and fell dead sick.
`You'd better try once more,' said Grimsby, leaning across the table. And then he winked at me.
`I've nothing to try with," said the poor devil, with a ghastly smile.
`Oh, Huntingdon will lend you what you want,' said the other.
`No; you heard my oath,' answered Lowborough, turning away in quiet despair. And I took him by the arm and led him out.
`Is it to be the last, Lowborough?' I asked, when I got him into the street.
`The last,' he answered, somewhat against my expectation. And I took him home--that is, to our club--for he was as submissive as a child, and plied him with brandy and water till he to look rather brighter--rather more alive, at least.
`Huntingdon, I'm ruined!' said he, taking the third glass from my hand--he had drunk the others in dead silence.
`Not you!' said I. `You'll find a man can live without his money as merrily as a tortoise without its head, or a wasp without its body.'
`But I'm in debt,' said he--`deep in debt! And I can never, never get out of it!'
`Well, what of that? many a better man than you has lived and died in debt, and they can't put you in prison, you know, because you're a peer.' And I handed him his fourth tumbler.
`But I hate to be in debt!' he shouted. `I wasn't born for it, and I cannot bear it!'
`What can't be cured must be endured,' said I, beginning to mix the fifth.
`And then, I've lost my Caroline,' And he began to snivel then, for the brandy had softened his heart.
`No matter,' I answered, `there are more Carolines in the world than one.'
`There's only one for me,' he replied, with a dolorous sigh. `And if there were fifty more, who's to get them, I wonder, without money?'
`Oh, somebody will take you for your title; and then you've your family estate yet; that's entailed, you know,'
`I wish to God I could sell it to pay my debts,' he muttered.
`And then,' said Grimsby, who had just come in, `you can try again, you know. I would have one more chance if I were you. I'd never stop here.'
`I won't, I tell you!' shouted he. And he started up and left the room--walking rather unsteadily, for the liquor had got into his head. He was not so much used to it then, but after that, he took to it kindly to solace his cares.
`He kept his oath about gambling (not a little to the surprise of us all), though Grimsby did his utmost to tempt him to break it: but how he had got hold of another habit that bothered him nearly as much, for he soon discovered that the demon of drink was as black as the demon of play, and nearly as hard to get rid of--especially as his kind friends did all they could to second the promptings of his own insatiable cravings.'
`Then, they were demons themselves,' cried I, unable to contain my indignation. `And you, Mr Huntingdon, it seems, were the first to tempt him.'
`Well, what could we do?' replied he, deprecatingly--`We meant it in kindness--we couldn't bear to see the poor fellow so miserable:--and besides, he was such a damper upon us, sitting there, silent and glum, when he was under the threefold influence of the loss of his sweetheart, the loss of his fortune, and the reaction of the last night's debauch; whereas, when he had something in him, if he was not merry himself, he was an unfailing source of merriment to us. Even Grimsby could chuckle over his odd Sayings: they delighted him far more than my merry jests or Hattersleys riotous mirth. But one evening, when we were sitting over our wine, after one of our club dinners, and had all been hearty together,--Lowborough giving us mad toasts, and heating our wild songs and bearing a hand in the applause, if he did not help us to sing them himself,--he suddenly relapsed into silence, sinking his head on his hand, and never lifting his glass to his lips;--but this was nothing new; so we let him alone, and went on with our jollification, till, suddenly raising his head, he interrupted us in the middle of a roar of laughter by exclaiming,--
`Gentlemen, where is all this to end?--Will you just tell me that now?--Where is it all to end?'
`In hell fire,' growled Grimsby.
`You've hit it--I thought so!' cried he. `Well then, I'll tell you what'--he rose,
`A speech, a speech!' shouted we. `Hear, hear! Lowborough's going to give us a speech!'
`He waited calmly till the thunders of applause and jingling of glasses had ceased, and then proceeded,--
`It`s only this, gentlemen,--that I think we'd letter go no farther. We'd better stop while we can,'
`Just so!' cried Hattersley--
`Exactly!' replied his lordship, with the utmost gravity. `And if
you choose to visit the bottomless pit, I won't go with you--we must
part company, for I swear I'll not move another step towards
it!--What's this?' he said, taking up his glass of wine.
`Taste it,' suggested I.
`This is hell broth!' he exclaimed. `I renounce it for ever!' And he
threw it out into the middle of the table,
`Fill again!' said I, handing him the bottle--`and let us drink to
your renunciation.'
`Its rank poison,' said he, grasping the bottle by the neck, `and I
forswear it! I've given up gambling, and I'll give up this too.' He
was on the point of deliberately pouring the whole contents of the
bottle on to the table, but Hargrave wrested it from him, `On you be
the curse, then!' said he. And backing from the room, he shouted,
`Farewell, ye tempters!' and vanished amid shouts of laughter and
applause.
`We expected him back among us the next day; but to our surprise,
the place remained vacant: we saw nothing of him for a whole week;
and we really began to think he was going to keep his word. At last,
one evening, when we were most of us as sembled together again, he
entered, silent and grim as a ghost, and would have quietly slipped
into his usual seat at my elbow, but we all rose to welcome him, and
several voices were raised to ask what he would have, and several
hands were busy with bottle and glass to serve him; but I knew a
smoking tumbler of brandy and water would comfort him best, and had
nearly prepared it, when he peevishly pushed it away, saying,
`Do let me alone Huntingdon! Do be quiet, all of you! I'm not come
to join you: I'm only come to be with you awhile, be cause I can't
bear my own thoughts.' And he folded his arms and leant back in his
chair; so we let him be. But I left the glass by him; and after a
while, Grimsby Bed my attention towards it, by a significant wink;
and, on turning my head, I saw it was drained to the bottom. He made
a sign to replenish, and quietly pushed up the bottle. I willingly
complied; but Lowborough detected the pantomime, and, nettled at the
intelligent grins that were passing between us, snatched the glass
from my hand, dashed the contents of it in Grimsby's face, threw the
empty tumbler at me, and then bolted from the room.'
`I hope he broke your head,' said I.
`No, love,' replied he, laughing immoderately at the recollection of
the whole affair, `he would have done so,--and perhaps spoilt my
face, too, but providentially, this forest of curls' (taking off his
hat and showing his luxuriant chestnut locks) `saved my skull, and
prevented the glass from breaking till it reached the table.'
`After that,' he continued, `Lowborough kept aloof from us a week or
two longer. I used to meet him occasionally in the town; and then,
as I was too good-natured to resent his unmannerly conduct, and he
bore no malice against me,--he was never unwilling to talk to me; on
the contrary, he would cling to me and follow me anywhere,--but to
the club, and the gaminghouses, and such like dangerous places of
resort--he was so weary of his own moping, melancholy mind. At last,
I got him to come in with me to the club, on condition that I would
not tempt him to drink; and for some time, he continued to look in
upon us pretty regularly of an evening,--still abstaining, with
wonderful perseverance, from the `rank poison' he had so bravely
forsworn. But some of our members protested against this conduct.
They did not like to have him sitting there like a skeleton at a
feast,6 instead of contributing his quota to the general amusement,
casting a cloud over all, and watching, with greedy eyes, every drop
they carried to their lips, they vowed it was not fair: and some of
them maintained that he should either be compelled to do as others
did or expelled from the society, and swore that, next time he
showed himself, they would tell him as much, and, if he did not take
the warning, proceed to active measures. However, I befriended him
on this occasion, and recommended them to let him be for a while,
intimating that, with a little patience on our parts, he would soon
come round again--But, to be sure, it was rather provoking; for
though he refused to drink like an honest Christian, it was well
known to me, that he kept a private bottle of laudanum about him,
which he was continually soaking at--or rather, holding off and on
with, abstaining one day and exceeding the next, just like the
spirits.
`One night, however, during one of our orgies--one of our high
festivals, I mean be glided in, like the ghost in Macbeth, and
seated himself, as usual, a little back from the table, in the chair
we always placed for `the spectre,' whether it chose to fill it or
not. I saw by his face that he was suffering from the effects of an
overdose of his insidious comforter; but nobody spoke to him, and he
spoke to nobody. A few sidelong glances, and a whispered observation
that `the ghost was come,' was all the notice he drew by his
appearance, and we went on with our merry carousals as before, till
he startled us all by suddenly drawing in his chair and leaning
forward with his elbows on the table, and exclaiming with portentous
solemnity,--
`Well! it puzzles me what you can find to be so merry about. What
you see in life I don't know--I see only the blackness of darkness
and a fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation!'
`All the company simultaneously pushed up their glasses to him, and
I set them before him in a semicircle, and, tenderly patting him on
the back, bid him drink and he would soon see as bright a prospect
as any of us; but he pushed them back, muttering,--
`Take them away! I won't taste it, I tell you--I won't--I won't!' So
I handed them down again to the owners; but I saw that he followed
them with a glare of hungry regret as they de+parted. Then, he
clasped his hands before his eyes to shut out the sight, and two
minutes after, lifted his head again, and said, in a hoarse but
vehement whisper,--
`And yet I must! Huntingdon, get me a glass.!'
`Take the bottle, man! said I, thrusting the brandy-bottle into his
hand--but stop, I'm telling too much,' muttered the narrator,
startled at the look I turned upon him. `But no matter,' he
recklessly added, and thus continued his relation--`In his desperate
eagerness, he seized the bottle and sucked away, till he suddenly
dropped from his chair, disappearing under the table amid a tempest
of applause. The consequence of this imprudence was something like
an apoplectic fit, followed by a rather severe brain fever--'
`And what did you think of yourself, sir?' said I,
quickly.
`Of course, I was very penitent,' he replied. `I went to see him
once or twice--nay, twice or thrice--or, by'r Lady, some four
times,--and when he got better, I tenderly brought him back to the
fold.'
`What do you mean?'
`I mean, I restored him to the bosom of the club, and
compassionating the feebleness of his health and extreme lowness of
his spirits, I recommended him to `take a little wine for his
stomachs sake,' and, when he was sufficiently re-established, to
embrace the media-via, ni-jamais-ni-toujours plan--not
to kill himself like a fool, and not to abstain like a ninny--in a
word, to enjoy himself like a rational creature, and do as I
did;--for don't think, Helen, that I'm a tippler; I'm nothing at all
of the kind, and never was, and never shall be. I value my comfort
far too much. I see that a man Cannot give himself up to drinking
without being miserable one half his days and mad the
other;--besides, I like to enjoy my life at all sides and ends,
which cannot be done by one that suffers himself to be the slave of
a single propensity--and moreover, drinking spoils one's good
looks,' he concluded, with a most conceited smile that ought to have
provoked me more than it did.
`And did Lord Lowborough profit by your advice?' I asked.
`Why, yes, in a manner. For a while, he managed very well; indeed,
he was a model of moderation and prudence--something too much so for
the tastes of our wild community;--but, some how, Lowborough had not
the gift of moderation: If he stumbled a little to one side, he must
go down before he could right himself: if he overshot the mark one
night, the effects of it rendered him so miserable the next day that
he must repeat the offence to mend it; and so on from day to day,
till his clamorous conscience brought him to a stand.--And then, in
his sober moments, he so bothered his friends with his remorse, and
his terrors and woes, that they were obliged, in self-defence, to
get him to drown his sorrows in wine, or any more potent beverage
that came to hand; and when his first scruples of conscience were
overcome, he would need no more persuading, he would often grow
desperate, and be as great a blackguard as any of them could
desire--but only to lament his own unutterable wickedness and
degradation the more when the fit was over.
`At last, one day when he and I were alone together, after pondering
awhile in one of his gloomy, abstracted moods, with his arms folded
and his head sunk on his breast,--he suddenly woke up, and
vehemently grasping my arm, said,--
`Huntingdon, this won't do! I'm resolved to have done with it.'
`What, are you going to shoot yourself?' said I.
`No; I'm going to reform,'
`Oh, that's nothing new] You've been going to reform these twelve
months and more.'
`Yes, but you wouldn't let me; and I was such a fool I couldn't live
without you. But now I see what it is that keeps me back, and what's
wanted to save me; and I'd compass sea and land to get it--only I'm
afraid there's n chance.' And be sighed as if his heart would
break.
`What is it Lowborough?' said I, thinking be was fairly cracked at
last,
`A wife,' he answered; `for I can't live alone, because my own mind
distracts me, and I can't live with you, because you take the
devil's part against me.'
`Who--I?'
`Yes--all of you do,--and you more than any of them, you know, But
if I could get a wife, with fortune enough to pay off my debts and
set me straight in the world--`
`To be sure,' said I.
`And sweetness and goodness enough,' be continued, `to make home
tolerable, and to reconcile me to myself,--I think I should do, yet,
I shall never be in love again, that's certain; but perhaps that
would be no great matter, it would enable me to choose with my eyes
open,--and I should make a good husband in spite of it; but could
anyone be in love with me?--that's the question--With your good
looks and powers of fascination' (he was pleased to say), `I might
hope; but as it is, Huntingdon, do you think anybody would take
me--ruined and wretched as I am?'
`Yes, certainly.'
`Who?'
`Why, any neglected old maid, fasting in despair, would be delighted
to--`
`No, no,' said he--`it must be somebody that I can love.'
`Why, you just said you never could be in love again!'
`Well, love is not the word,--but somebody that I can like.--I'll
search all England through, at all events!' he cried, with a sudden
burst of hope, or desperation. `Succeed or fall, it will be better
than rushing headlong to destruction at that d--d club: so farewell
to it and you, Whenever I meet you on honest ground or under a
Christian roof, I shall be glad to see you; but never more shall you
entice me to that devil's den!'
`This was shameful language, but I shook hands with him, and we
parted. He kept his word; and from that time forward, he has been a
pattern of propriety, as far as I can tell; but, till lately, I have
not had very much to do with him. He occasionally sought my company
but as frequently shrunk from it, fearing lest I should wile him
back to destruction, and I found his not very entertaining,
especially as he sometimes attempted to awaken my conscience and
draw me from the perdition he considered himself to have escaped;
but when I did happen to meet him, I seldom failed to ask after the
progress of his matrimonial efforts and re searches, and, in general
he could give me but a poor account. The mothers were repelled by
his empty coffers and his reputation for gambling, and the daughters
by his cloudy brow and melancholy temper,--besides, he didn't
understand them; he wanted the spirit and assurance to carry his
point.
`I left him at it when I went to the continent; and on my return, at
the year's end, I found him still a disconsolate bachelor--though,
certainly, looking somewhat less like an unblest exile from the tomb
than before. The young ladies had ceased to be afraid of him, and
were beginning to think him quite interesting; but the mammas were
still unrelenting, It was about this time, Helen, that my good angel
brought me into conjunction with you; and then I had eyes and ears
for nobody else, But meantime, Lowborough became acquainted with our
charming friend, Miss Wilmot--through intervention of his good
angel, no doubt he would tell you, though he did not dare to fix his
hopes on one so courted and admired, till after they were brought
into closer contact here at Staningley, and she, in the absence of
her other admirers, indubitably courted his notice and held out
every encouragement to his timid advances. Then indeed, he began to
hope for a dawn of brighter days; and if, for a while, I darkened
his prospects by standing between him and his sun--and so, nearly
plunged him again into the abyss of despair--it only intensified his
ardour and strengthened his hopes when I chose to abandon the field
in the pursuit of a brighter treasure. In a word, as I told you, he
is fairly besotted, At first, he could dimly perceive her faults,
and they gave him considerable uneasiness; but now his passion and
her art together have blinded him to everything but her perfections
and his amazing good fortune, Last night, he came to rue brimful of
his new-found felicity:
`Huntingdon, I am not a castaway!' said he, seizing my hand and
squeezing it like a vice, `There is happiness in store for me
yet--even in this life--she loves me!'
`Indeed!' said I. `Has she told you so?'
`No, but I can no longer doubt it. Do you not see how pointedly kind
and affectionate she is? And she knows the utmost extent of my
poverty, and cares nothing about it! She knows all the folly and all
the wickedness of my former life, and is not afraid to trust me--and
my rank and title are no allurements to her; for them, she utterly
disregards. She is the most generous, high minded being that can be
conceived of. She will save me, body and soul, from destruction.
Already, she has ennobled me in my own estimation, and made me three
times better, wiser, greater than I was, Oh! if I had but known her
before, how much degradation and misery I should have been spared!
But what have I done to deserve so magnificent a creature?'
`And the cream of the jest,' continued Mr Huntingdon, laughing, `is
that the artful minx loves nothing about him, but his title and
pedigree, and `that delightful old family seat,'
`How do you know?' said I.
`She told me so herself; she said, `As for the man himself, I
thoroughly despise him; but then, I suppose, it is time to be making
my choice, and if I waited for someone capable of eliciting my
esteem and affection, I should have to pass my life in single
blessedness, for I detest you all!' Ha, ha! I suspect she was wrong
there;--but however, it is evident she has no love for him,
poor fellow,'
`Then you ought to tell him so.'
`What, and spoil all her plans and prospects, poor girl? No, no;
that would be a breach of confidence, wouldn't it, Helen? Ha, ha!
Besides, it would break his heart.' And he laughed again.
`Well, Mr Huntingdon, I don't know what you see so amazingly
diverting in the matter: I see nothing to laugh at.'
`I'm laughing at you, just now, Jove,' said he, redoubling his
cachinnations,
And leaving him to enjoy his merriment alone, I touched Ruby with
the whip, and cantered on to rejoin our companions; for we had been
walking our horses all this time, and were consequently along way
behind. Arthur was soon at my side again; but not disposed to talk
to him, I broke into a gallop. He did the same; and we did not
slacken our pace till we came up with Miss Wilmot and Lord
Lowborough, which was within half a mile of the park gates. I
avoided all further conversation with him, till we came to the end
of our ride, when I meant to jump off my horse and vanish into the
house, before he could offer his assistance; but while I was
disengaging my habit from the crutch, he lifted me off; and held me
by both hands, asserting that he would not let me go till I had
forgiven him.
`I have nothing to forgive,' said I. You have not injured
me.'
`No, darling--God forbid that I should!--but you are angry, because
it was to me that Annabella confessed her lack of esteem for her
lover.'
`No, Arthur, it is not that that displeases me: it is the
whole system of your conduct towards your friend; and if you wish me
to forget it, go, now, and tell him what sort of woman it is, that
he adores so madly, and on whom he has hung his hopes of future
happiness.'
`I tell you, Helen, it would break his heart--it would be the death
of him,--besides being a scandalous trick to poor Annabella. There
is no help for him now; he is past praying for. Besides, she may
keep up the deception to the end of the chapter: and then he will be
just as happy in the illusion as if it were reality; or perhaps he
will only discover his mistake when he has ceased to love her;--and
if not, it is much better that the truth should dawn gradually upon
him, So now, my angel, I hope I have made out a clear case, and
fully convinced you that I cannot make the atonement you require.
What other requisition have you to make? Speak, and I will gladly
obey.'
`I have none but this,' said I, as gravely as before; `that, in
future, you will never make a jest of the sufferings of others, and
always use your influence with your friends for their own advantage
against their evil propensities, instead of seconding their evil
propensities against themselves.'
`I will do my utmost,' said he, `to remember and perform the
injunctions of my angel monitress,' and after kissing both my gloved
hands, he let me go.
When I entered my room, I was surprised to see Annabella Wilmot
standing before my toilet-table, composedly surveying her features
in the glass, with one hand flirting her gold-mounted whip, and the
other holding up her long habit.
`She certainly is a magnificent creature!' thought I, as I beheld
that tall, finely-developed figure, and the reflection of the hand
some face in the mirror before me, with the glossy dark hair,
slightly and not ungracefully disordered by the breezy ride, the
rich brown complexion glowing with exercise, and the black eyes
sparkling with unwonted brilliance. On perceiving me, she turned
round exclaiming, with a laugh that savoured more of malice than of
mirth,--
`Why Helen! what have you been doing so long?--I came to tell
you my good fortune,' she continued, regardless of Rachel's
presence. `Lord Lowborough has proposed, and I have been graciously
pleased to accept him. Don't you envy me, dear?'
`No, love,' said I--`or him either,' I mentally added. `And do you
like him Annabella?'
`Like him! yes, to be sure--over head and ears in love!'
`Well, I hope you'll make him a good wife'
`Thank you, my dear! And what besides do you hope?'
`I hope you will both love each other, and both be happy.'
`Thanks;--and I hope you will make a very good wife to Mr
Huntingdon!' said she, with a queenly bow, and retired.
`Oh, miss! how could you say so to her?' cried Rachel.
`Say what?' replied I.
`Why, that you hoped she would make him a good wife--I never heard
such a thing!'
`Because I do hope it--or rather, I wish it--she's almost past
hope.'
`Well!' said she, `I'm sure I hope he'll make her a good
husband. They tell queer things about him downstairs. They were
saying--
`I know, Rachel--I've heard all about him; but he's reformed now.
And they have no business to tell tales about their masters.'
`No, mum--or else, they have said some things about Mr
Huntingdon too.'
`I won't hear them, Rachel; they tell lies.'
`Yes, mum,' said she, quietly, as she went on arranging my hair.
`Do you believe them, Rachel?' I asked, after a short pause.
`No, miss, not all, You know when a lot of servants gets together,
they like to talk about their betters: and some, for a bit of
swagger, likes to make it appear as though they knew more than they
do, and to throw out hints and things, just to astonish the others.
But I think, if I was you, Miss Helen, I'd look very well before I
leaped. I do believe a young lady can't be too careful who she
marries.'
`Of course not,' said I--`but be quick, will you, Rachel? I want to
be dressed.'
And indeed, I was anxious to be rid of the good woman, for I was in
such a melancholy frame I could hardly keep the tears out of my eyes
while she dressed me. It was not for Lord Lowborough--it was not for
Annabella--it was not for myself--it was for Arthur Huntingdon that
they rose.
13th. They are gone--and he is gone, We are to be parted for more
than two months--above ten weeks! a long, long time to live and not
to see him. But he has promised to write often, and made me promise
to write still oftener, because he will be busy settling his
affairs, and I shall have nothing better to do, Well, I think I
shall always have plenty to say--But O! for the time when we shall
be always together, and can exchange our thoughts without the
intervention of these cold go-betweens, pen, ink, and paper!
22nd. I have had several letters from Arthur, already. They are not
long, but passing sweet, and just like himself--full of ardent
affection, and playful, lively humour: but--there is always a but in
this imperfect world--and I do wish he would sometimes be serious. I
cannot get him to write or speak in real, solid earnest. I don't
much mind it now; but if it be always so, what shall I do with the
serious part of myself?
Before you farther go,
No longer sport upon the brink
Of everlasting woe.'
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