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http://www2.cs.man.ac.uk/~sinnottj/
( Put-An-Amusing-Amiga-Joke-Here; TV's-Mister-Sex )
Sir James Sinnott - the noted raconteur, wit and inventor of Hulio Iglesias. His all-new web site is clearly influenced by the likes of Mark Lamarrrr, Buddy Holly, Tupperware and other notable icons of the fifties.
http://come.to/johno/
( Hath-Hound; Ball-And-Chain; Ellipsoid-Maaad )
Watch out! John "B" O'Rourke - the man they couldn't tie down is back with another acid-tounged attack on the state of modern multicultural Britain. His notion of "Hello" counterpoints the subtle irony of his statement "I am John O'Rourke".
http://www.thevillage.ndirect.co.uk/
( Tormented-Soul; Mad-Obsessive; Doctor Patch )
Gerph Stanley Fletcher first found fame in the BBC sitcom "Porridge" where his character "Justin" was tormented by a range of cereal-based breakfasts. Since leaving the BBC over a dispute about chairs, he has become Britain's top RISC OS software writer, coding in the last year alone some 50,000 applications.
Although some say his latest work "JFPinTopPatchFilerJPEGStopSpriteHandleFix" doesn't compare to his earlier works, his home page is definitely purple.
http://homepages.enterprise.net/aok/
( Urban-Anarchist; Musically-Inclined )
Kai Andersen is - amazingly - nearly 76 years of age, and is still a student! Despite warnings from his doctor to "Bog off" he keeps signing up for more courses; but due to overqualification, no company will employ him. Occasionally this annoys him so much he has to lie down in front of buses.
http://freespace.virgin.net/john-paul.stanford/
( Coder; Secret-Genius; Powerful-Gaze )
The Oxford Dictionary of Made Up Things says John-Paul Stanford is a "Powerful electromagnetic force, occuring only when you look the other way." Whilst this is a precise definition, it lacks some of the details you realise when you meet him in real life. For a start he's made entirely of mud and lives in a giant horseshoe! Amazing!
http://www.liv.ac.uk/~nickc/
( Boy-Genius; Perl-Guru )
Cheeky cockerney Nicholas Clark was found to be so talented as a young boy, he was immediately despatched to Liverpool to study rocks in the the hope that would slow his burgeoning brain. It failed, and now his mind has to be kept in a special cool room at the EasyNet ISP, where it spends its spare time routing IP packets and sending bug reports to Dave Walker.
http://www.sliced.demon.co.uk/jonathan/
( JFPatcher; My-Hard-Disc-Is-Dead-Again )
Jonanthan Brady - this guy is tall. Wow. Like, he must be fifty feet high or something. And anything you want, he can get it, or already has it. Or can fashion it from raw atomic matter. Honest - he told me.
He rewrites my software, but little do I know of his Sinister Plans. Muhahahaaa!
http://privatewww.essex.ac.uk/~cmjohnj/
( Coder; Bringer-of-Doom; Smokey-Joe )
Chris Johns, oft-known serial killer and developer of 'BDFS' for Clares. BDFS is, of course, the "Big Dangerous Flying Sausage" a game where you pilot a giant frankfurter in bombing raids over Germany. It will be ready for release in July 2007.
He knows a mad woman.
http://www.jml.net/~mozes/
( Econet-Collector; Hath-Hound; "wah" )
Tortured by the childhood memories of burning Mustangs, MoZes was technically insane for a while. And, indeed, still is. He claims to live "Near Coventry", but our spies have in fact located him in a cavity deep beneath the Atlanic ocean bed. It appears he needs to do this to keep away the noise of his seventy five SJ MDFSs.
http://www.jml.net/~orf/
( Ozzie-"Chick"; Basically-She's-Obsessed-By-Phalluses )
Orfey (Shannon Deakin) was raised by wolves in New Zealand, but was asked to leave when she failed to pick up their hints about personal hygiene. Whilst she can often attract a mayn, they normally have time to escape before she can start blathering on about how many piercings she's got.
http://www.illusion.co.uk/alisdair/
( Pleasurer-Of-Monkeys; No-Not-Macdiarmid )
Waaah, get out of his way! Alisdair McDiarmid is a "wee" Scotsman, just half an inch high - but the thing is, he can't stop dancing! Day and night he tap-a-tap-taps, dancing on the kitchen sink. "What if he falls in?" I hear you cry. But, I ask you, do we really care?
Don't encourage him.
Sliced Software
( Not-An-Individual-But-An-Organization; Yes )
Women are terrified of computers. It's a fact. Their brains overheat or something. And that's why Sliced Software was formed: to keep the "little women" away from computers and in the home where they belong.
Sliced Software does stuff with limes and promotes the oneness of man with the universe, as long as you are a man, that is, and not a woman. It's their brains, they overheat, don't you know.

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