DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in
an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are
going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available. Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look
identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The
ingredient list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the
ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on
the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan. Windows 3.1 Beer: Once considered the world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz.
can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own
a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very
slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the
same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows
Beer will explode when you open it. OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode
when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see
anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold. Windows 95 Beer: The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows
3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the
cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably
keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95
Beer and say they like it. The ingredient list, when you look at the
small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer,
even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new
brew. Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload.
This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger
refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 95 Beer. Touted as
an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars. Windows 98 Beer: Millions sampled Windows95 beer and noticed that it was often flat,
right out of the can. The manufacturer of Windows95 beer decided to
re-release it as Windows98 beer and guarantee it's freshness. Most
consumers are sceptical of the manufacturer's claims, and will
continue to drink flat Windows95 beer because they have acquired the
taste for it. Windows 2000 Beer: The manufacturer of the Windows line of beers says this will be "the"
beer, if they can just finish playing with the ingredients. This
beer will have many ingredients of Windows 95/98 and NT beers. Many
drinkers in the future will be forced to drink this when they get
thirsty since they won't be able to find Windows 95 or 98 or NT beer
on the shelves. If this beer is like any other Windows beer, it will
be laden with bacteria which will allow other people to drink your
beer. You must remove these yourself with Packs of new ingredients
from the manufacturer. Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64
oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though
they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical.
Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you
have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which
case you either need a complete set of instructions or a friend who
has been drinking Unix Beer for several years. Linux Beer: Linux beer tastes just like Unix beer. Like Unix beer, Linux beer is
intended for expert beer drinkers only. It originally had no pop
tops or cans because you had to brew it yourself. First you would
get a recipe and some yeast from a Unix guru. Then go plough a
field, plant your barley and hops. After harvest you would take your
Kernels and put them into a barrel full of water, then you just add
your yeast close the lid, and let your beer compile. After all this
you have what experts claim to be one of the Worlds Best Beers.
Linux beers do not normally explode but many brewers have been known
to. Linux beer is now available from some Micro Breweries in handy
pop top versions for easy drinking by beginner Unix or Linux beer
drinkers. Keep your can openers handy. AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe was been
picked up first by some weird German company, but it has since been
bought up by an American company situated in Washington State. This
beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer
didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are
an extremely loyal, loud and sometimes obnoxious group. It
originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too.
When this can was originally introduced, it was unique, flashy and
colourful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it
appeared dated until recently. Still, it has a flavour many have
tried unsuccessfully to copy since it was introduced. Critics who do
not really know the product claim that it is only meant for watching
TV anyway. VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure
development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the
list of ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to
an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumours are
that this was once listed in the Physicians Desk Reference as a
tranquillizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it