With so much controversy over what to call the new "Almost" global
single currency, a new unknown multi-trillion dollar German company
called "UntGloben" has devised guidelines for new possible currencies
for various countries, these new currencies names will start with the
first letter of the respective country. And Cuba's will be called a C....well, it hasn't actually been
decided on a currency name for this country yet. Scientist's in America have recently crossed a hedgehog with a
rhinoceros, and since doing this there have been more wrecked cars on
the road. Also, Scientist's in a Welsh laboratory have recently been feeding
their sheep on a new food diet which is a made up of very small
amounts of rubber and metal dust, the Scientist's were all astounded
4 months later when then first lambs were born, not only had their
hind legs grown pouched similar in looks to Wellington Boots, but
their coats also had a metal seam down the back of them, so now after
further experiments, the new sheep have built-in Wellington boots
which has made a lot of Welsh farmers jump for joy, and with the
sheep's coats having metal seams in the back which have now been
turned into zips, anyone can strip a sheep off in a few minutes. A mister Ernest Bugworthy of Middlesbrough went down in the Guinness
Book of Records last week for mountaineering. He is now the only
single-handed person in Britain to climb the north- face of his
47-stone wife Edith in just one effort. Neither Mr or Mrs Bugworthy
was harmed by the ordeal, however, half-way up and 10 minutes into
the climb Ernest had to have a good snort of oxygen due to his wife
farting, but other than that the climb went without a hitch. Last Monday at about 9.15pm two burglars broke into the home of ex
all- England Karate grandmother Doris. A. Highkick and who now owns
her own horse riding school. None of the neighbours new exactly what
happened next, but the two burglars are said to be in on the mend and
are both in a "Stable" condition. 3 days ago, whilst alone at his home in Ballygobackwards 13 year old
Shaun Firebottom swallowed a bottle of turps, a box of matches and
then topped that off with a grade 5 Vindaloo curry. Police have
since warned local residents not to stand to close behind him. 6 months ago in Sheepstown in Australia an Irish chicken farmer by
the name of Dungy 'O' Hare had a large amount of cardboard boxes to
try to get rid of. Due to the dry climate he dare not burn then in
case he started a mega-bush fire, so he ripped the boxes up, fed them
through a machine in order to turn then into a fine dust which he
mixed with the chuck food. 3 months later his average sale of eggs were almost quadrupled due to
the chickens now laying eggs which were already boxed. And finally, last Tuesday, Danny O'keath who is supposedly hoping to
be the very first Irish wind-surfing champion took a severe
step-backwards in his so- called "Strict Training" regime, when after
booking up with a cowboy outfit of a holiday booking office of which
he was offered a 3 week sun and sand holiday with a promise of
person-free beach's actually turned out to be a 3 week hell-holiday
in the Sahara desert. On asking Danny why he had cut short his
holiday Danny supposedly had said that it was due to all the sand,
but he sure wasn't going to wait no bloody longer for the tide and
waves to come in.
And that is the news from THE CRYPT Newsnight desk, until tomorrow
morning I bid you a good afternoon.