Doctors and scientists are always
telling us ways to live longer.
Usually they involve a healthier diet
or lifestyle: that is, eating less
fat and more vegetables and fruits,
getting more exercise, or giving up
smoking. I wholeheartedly endorse these
rigorous and unpleasant methods of
extending life, but our research into
centuries of American folk wisdom has
turned up 100 easy ways of avoiding
death by observing a few simple rules
in everyday situations. These beliefs
come from all over this country and
were actually collected by students of
folklore and anthropology. None of
them were made up. Just remember: if
you fail to observe these rules, we
won't be responsible for the
consequences!
01. Don't take ashes out of the
fireplace or wood stove between
Christmas and New Year's Day. 02. Never place a broom on a bed. 03. Close umbrellas before bringing
them into a house. 04. Avoid sweeping after sundown. 05. You must not wash clothes on New
Year Day. 06. Don't shake out a tablecloth after
dark. 07. Never wash a flag. 08. Don't turn a chair on one leg. 09. Keep cats off piano keys. 10. Don't hang a dishcloth on a
doorknob. 11. Sweeping under a sick person's bed
will kill him or her. 12. Don't ever, ever rock an empty
rocking chair.
13. Never add-on to the back of your
house. 14. You must not cut a new window in an
old house; the only way to avoid
fatal consequences is to toss your
apron through the new window and
then jump through it yourself. 15. Never drive a nail after sunset. 16. Don't move into an unfinished
house. 17. Avoid carrying axes, shovels and
other sharp-edged tools through a
house; if you must take one
inside, always take it out by the
same door. 18. If you move out of a house, don't
move back into it for a year. 19. Don't hang your sweetheart's
picture upside-down. 20. If a picture falls from the wall,
don't pick it up. 21. Never carry a peacock's feather
into a house. 22. Keep cut flowers out of bedrooms
overnight. 23. Don't ever carry a bouquet of
wildflowers indoors before May 1.
24. If you cut out a new dress on
Friday, you must finish it that
same day. 25. Don't make new clothes between
Christmas and New Year's Day. 26. Never hold a stick in your mouth
while sewing. 27. Always sew cross-stitch on your
underwear. 28. Don't walk around in one shoe. 29. If you see a will-o'-wisp while
out walking at night, turn your
coat inside-out. 30. Never wear another's new clothes
before they have worn them. 31. A woman who makes her own wedding
dress will not live to wear it.
32. Never set three lamps on a table
at the same time. 33. Don't set the table backwards. 34. Never serve 13 at a table. 35. Avoid drinking coffee at 5o'clock. 36. You must not write on the back of a
dish. 37. Never return borrowed salt. 38. Don't ever cross knives while
setting the table. 39. Be sure that someone else cooks
your birthday dinner. 40. Don't put two forks at one place
setting. 41. Never, never turn a loaf of bread
upside down.
42. Sleeping with your head at the
foot of the bed is surely fatal. 43. Don't sing in bed. 44. If you hear a dog howl at night,
reach under the bed and turn over
a shoe. 45. Don't count stars. 46. A man should never dream of a
naked woman; a woman should never
dream of a naked man.
47. Never rub soap on your skin on a
Friday. 48. Don't look into a mirror over
another's shoulder. 49. Avoid combing your hair after
dark. 50. Absolutely no haircuts in March. 51. Let a baby's hair and fingernails
grow until their 1st birthday. 52. Don't let two people comb your
hair at once. 53. Never shave at night. 54. Never, ever share a razor used by
a dead man.
55. Never hold a funeral on a Friday. 56. When a person dies in a house, you
must immediately cover all mirrors
and stop all clocks. 57. Children should not pretend to
have funerals. 58. Don't ever try on a mourning veil. 59. Always remove a dead body from a
house feet first. 60. Never ride in a hearse, unless you
are the driver. 61. Don't count the cars in a funeral
motorcade. 62. Avoid wearing new clothes to a
funeral, especially new shoes. 63. Pull the shades in a room where a
funeral service is taking place:
if the sun hits a mourner's face,
he is the next to die. 64. When walking in a funeral
procession, don't look backwards. 65. Never point at a grave. 66. Try not to step across a grave. 67. Never leave a grave open
overnight. 68. Don't ever be the first to leave
the graveyard after a funeral. 69. If a corpse lies unburied on
Sunday, another in town will
surely die soon. 70. Wait a year before putting up a
tombstone for a family member; if
you don't, another family member
will go before the year has ended.
71. Drink May rainwater. 72. When sick, don't look in mirrors. 73. Don't give a person a peony. 74. Never measure your own height. 75. Try not to imagine its Saturday
when its not. 76. Don't count cars on a passenger
train. 77. Never whistle in a coal mine. 78. Avoid measuring a person who is
lying down. 79. Don't walk backwards. 80. You must not allow a candle to burn
itself out. 81. Never sell a dog. 82. Try not to kill a crow; but if you
do, be sure to bury it while
wearing black. 83. If you transplant a Cedar tree,
you will die by the time it is big
enough to shade a grave. 84. If you transplant a Willow tree,
you will die by the time it is big
enough to shade a grave. 85. Don't ever hang your hoe on a tree
branch. 86. Don't skip a row when planting
corn or beans. 87. If you watch a person out of
sight, you'll never see them
again. 88. Avoid stepping over a person who
is lying down. 89. When your name is called, don't
answer the first time-it may be
the Devil calling you. 90. Never shake hands through a window
or over a fence. 91. Try not to sit with your back to
the fire. 92. Don't burn sassafras wood. 93. If you walk with your hands locked
behind your head, it will kill
your mother. 94. Don't even think of mocking an
owl. 95. Don't store your shoes above your
head. 96. Never kill a locust. 97. Never kill a lizard. 98. If you hear a hen crow, you must
kill the hen. 99. If you are on a train when a woman
boards, dressed in black, get off. 100. Whatever you do, don't let a
lizard count your teeth.