Fravia's Messageboard ~ Moderated
Re: I intend no disrespect but
Sunday, 25-Apr-99 00:16:20
.......very few have a clue to what they are saying to this school_matter...
(no disrespect intended)
Violence to a child does not have a freakin thing to do with governments
To qualify myself
20 years locked up
stabbed my first punk at age 8
shot my first punk at age 10
robbed my first bank at age 13
had shoot out with 19 cops at age 13; (robbery went bad)
sold arms and hand grenades at age 15
shot 5 punks who stabbed me and wasted a good bottle of beer on my head at age 17 (the beer really pissed me off)
hanged clubbed shot stabbed ran over chained drug stomped more people in a week than any kid today...
I did all my time for it; so they can't come get me for writting it here.....
I never watched tv; never had one in the house.
Never had a house to live in
I slept in a car with no blanket and prayed for the sun
I ate, as I walked thru the 'supermarket'
I drugged screwed terrorized and drank
I couldn't tell u what a politicians name was let alone what the f*cks were passing in there bathrooms and white palaces; their names; their policys; nor what if anything it had to do with me
I could not care less
had no bearing on me as a kid; none
had no bearing on the monsters I attached myself to who had the same life as myself
air was clean, fifty miles of orchards before the houses sprang up and brought even more gangs
The reasons were many
but boiled down to
an absolute without question
Power and respect
but began with hatred
and I tell u, with no hesitation, and no doubt, that hatred is governed & spawned in the home.
festers within the peers of same environment
and explodes with fantasys of being the ultimate warrior
The gunslignger of the old west
I did not say it made sense; I am just telling u when u do not care if u yourself live or die u do not care who else is killed; and if u survive then u hold your head up as 'the man'; the chingone top hombre to be valued and respected and looked up to...
DUM eh?
But if we survive this personality conflict
we continue it in every phase of life; though usually from a milder aura
We do it in all phases of life
I work hard in employment; better than the rest; I am to be respected and valued in my peer group.
I cook great; people come before I call them when they smell the flames; they appreciate me and I glow in their praise.
I help old people who no longer can get around and unclog their sinks or fix their sprinkler valve or mow their lawns; and do not have the money to pay anyone...this makes me feel appreciated and valuable and needed...this makes me feel worthy and special
Deranged as it is; in a flop over personality
these same gripping emotions are what drives the needs of the monsters.
There is a sense of 'belonging' that makes u safe; then there is a sense of control that makes u powerful; and the more powerful u dream the worse u become
These dirtbags today would not last 3 minutes in any cell before they prayed for an afterlife and they begged to be protected from the buttfu*kers of america...(scuse me; no; not me;)
when u take them away from their element and their group they are babys who are helpless and frightened beyond puking; I had seen it year after year when the fish walked in;
but
Once acclimated and strong in a group once again, if they have not been made someones woman first, the power comes back and the cycle starts over;but because of that period when u were hesitant and frightened and not yourself u must prove your manhood with atrocity to be glorified; and it is NOT to prove to your friends; it is a cleansing for yourself to yourself because of their vision of u and the vision u desire them to see of u...
THIS IS A PEER THING
THIS is a belonging thing
This is a screwed up sense of 'family'
Sorry; I have been gone from this frame of sensibilty for more than 20 years and may not speak it as I would have when I knew it and understood it better
but believe me when I say it has nothing to do with laws; politicians; or government.
regards
jeff
jeff