Cows. They sit in fields and chew grass. They chew grass and sit in fields. They stand in fields and chew grass that they've already chewed a few hours ago. They wander around fields and go Moo. After mooing they get into a bit of serious grass chewing. In fields.
What's this got to do with computers? Not a lot, but it is one of those clever little devices that us writers like to use to make you lot think that we are really cleverer than we are. Because, if you think about it, people are a bit like cows.
I don't mean in terms of the grass-chewing bit (although there are a few people I could mention who look somewhat cow-like when they get going with the chewing gum). I mean in another way - going around in a crowd. The next time you see some cows, look where they are standing. They may be in a field the size of Bill Gate's bank statement, but I'll bet that they will be standing (or sitting) in a group.
Of course, both people and cows are social animals, but sometimes this gets a bit over the top. For instance, look at the way that most kids think about buying a computer. "Mum," says little Johnny, "My mate Quentin has got a SuperSegaSony SaturnPlayMega64busdepot! Can I have one? Oh, go on, mum, please! You can get MortalClayStreet Punch up for it and you can play the evil and nasty mega bad guy Mr Major if you press AABBAABBCC and jump up and down a lot! Please, mum." And so on.
And why does little Johnny want his parents to spend all this money? Because his mate has got one. Now, if I was a cynical man I would suggest that his mate had offered to give him a load of dodgy copies of games, but I'm not so I won't. The real reason is simple: peer pressure. Cows wander around in a group because they don't like being on their own and most people buy a certain type of computer for similar reasons: because somebody they met down the pub said it was cool or because a so-called expert told them it was the thing to buy. A sound basis for sending hundreds of pounds? I'll let you decide.
Frankly, I'm surprised. I thought that last month's column might have stirred up a bit of controversy, but no. I wondered whether people should consider buying a new Amiga if it was manufactured in China, but the reaction to this piece so far has been zero. I got more reaction when I suggested that people should go out and hug trees.
Shortly after I'd written the piece there was some discussion about this precise issue in the Amiga conferences on CiX, so I'm obviously not completely alone in wondering about it. But the reaction from Amiga Format readers was somewhat disappointing, to say the least. Even a couple of E-mails along the lines of: "what a load of complete and utter tosh" or "you bleeding heart liberal you" would have been nice, but no. In the immortal words of Pink Floyd: "Is there anybody out there?"
The opinions expressed in The Baguley Column are only occasionally those of Amiga Format.
Contact Richard Baguley on baggers@cix.compulink.co.uk