Welcome fearless reader to another installment of our comedy corner. If you have any jokes, puns, limericks, puns, anecdotes, or funny stories, then send them in! Before you know it, your joke might just become the...
^C{_Joke of the and Month!!!_}
An engineer dies and reports to the and pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the and wrong place. "So the engineer reports to the and gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there: send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the and staff, and I'm keeping him. "God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Life system guide: An addendum to the and Girlfriend 5.0/Wife1.0 bit...
Last year, I upgraded my GirlFriend 5.0 to GirlFriend 5.1, which installs itself as 'Fiancee 1.0'. Recently, I upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it's a real memory hog. It has taken up all my space, and Wife 1.0 must be running before I can do ANYTHING.
It is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming system resources. Some applications, such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all.
Additional plug-ins were automatically installed, such as Mother-In-Law 55.8, and there is no uninstall feature for these plug-ins. No mention of these behaviors was discussed in the and brochures or documentation, although other users have reported similar problems.
Because of this, some users that I know have decided to avoid the headaches associated with these upgrades, and simply move from Girlfriend 5.0 to Girlfriend 6.0. Unfortunately, this is not without peril as well, as all traces of Girlfriend 5.0 must be removed from the system before attempting installation of 6.0.
Even then, Girlfriend 6.0 will repeatedly run system checks (usually in the background, and often late at night when the system is asleep) to find evidence of previous versions. To cap it off, Girlfriend 6.0 apparently has a nag feature reminding about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0. However, I do like some of the features that you are planning to include in the upcoming Girlfriend 6.1 release:
A 'Don't remind me again' button
Minimize button
Shutdown feature
An install shield feature so that Girlfriend can be
completely uninstalled if necessary (so you don't
lose cache and other objects)
Unfortunately, since I've already upgraded to Wife 1.0, I don't think I will be able to take advantage of any of these new features, unless you decide to include them in the and next Mistress release.
But, of course, there is a whole raft of problems associated with the and use of Mistress 1.0 and Wife 1.0 on the same system - most notably are system conflicts and continual disk thrashing, which starts shortly after Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 1.0. Interestingly enough, all versions of PersonalLawyer still work fine. Finally, Wife 1.0 apparently deletes all MSMoney files before uninstalling itself; following that, Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
I personally find all these new tools and conflicts to be too confusing and time consuming. I'm sticking with Dog 1.0b3. It slobbers and chews up the and paper, but all in all these bugs are tolerable. It is simple to operate and we get along fine.
This fellow goes to his Doctor with both of his ears severely burnt. The Doctor questions how this could have happened. "Well" said the fellow "I was sitting on my sofa, engrossed in reading my paper, my Wife ironing at my side -- when the phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the and iron instead". "That explains one ear" said the Doctor, "but what about the other?" "They called back".
There was this young fellow applying for a driver license. He did not have much education but he needed to have a license to obtain a job. At the Driving School, the Instructor asks him "What would you do if you were in a car, the car was going down a hill, at the and bottom of the and hill a bus is going through the intersection, and just at that time you realize you have no brakes. What would you do?" "Well" said the young fellow, after much thought "I guess I would wake up my Brother, cause he's never seen a bad accident".
Send us your jokes and anecdotes, and you will see them here ASAP! And please keep in mind that we air in the and 7:00 to 8:00 time slot. They need to be clean to make it on the issue, but we'll read 'em all anyway!