<-><->¢ WARNING MESSAGE by JEAN BROKAW, Editor¢ of P.A.C.E. taken from January 1995¢ issue!, and reprinted by OL' HACKERS¢ AUG, NY¢¢ Your computer is subject to¢ breakdowns during periods of CRITICAL¢ need. Here is the reason.¢¢ A special chip in the computer,¢ called a "CRITICAL DETECTOR", senses¢ the user's EMOTIONAL STATE, in terms¢ of how desperate he or she is to use¢ the computer. The "CRITICAL DETECTOR"¢ then creates a MALFUNCTION¢ proportional to the desperation of the¢ user.¢¢ Threatening your computer with¢ any sort of violence, only aggravates¢ the situation. Likewise, any attempts¢ to use another computer may cause it¢ to also malfunction, through¢ transmission of infrared rays from one¢ computer to the other. They all seem¢ to belong to the same union. ¢¢ Just keep cool and say nice¢ things to your computer, and pat it often to show you love it-nothing else¢ seems to work. NEVER, NEVER, under any¢ circumstances, let your computer know¢ you are in a hurry, or MAD at it!!!¢ <-><->¢¢
