¢¢(For all you MODEM, & BBS USERS!) ¢CALL ME MODEM (mad!)¢BY DENNIS KLINE,¢¢Member of the OL' HACKERS A.U.G. Inc.¢¢Do you recall my last article on what¢a computer did to my house? Now read¢what a Modem has done to me! About two¢years ago when I thought the time was¢right and things quited down in my¢house over having a computer, I¢purchased a modem. Now I have a¢modem, great! Now what the heck do you¢do with it? Being a novice, I hooked¢it up per the instruction sheet.¢After checking out all the wires and¢connections, naturally, I wanted to¢test it. I turned on my new 300 baud¢Hayes Modem and 850 Interface and said¢smuggly to myself "So far so good".¢Different color lights flashed on and¢off just like the instruction sheet¢said they would, and now to began my¢new adventure. The instruction book¢explained how to set it up but of¢course, it did not mention that you¢needed special software to run the¢modem. Now I had to find someone who¢could explain what software was¢needed,and how to use it! When I¢finally reached someone who was¢knowledeable with using the modem I¢was told to use a program called¢"Amodem Plus", which started out with¢a 4.4 version and had worked itself up¢to version 5.4. Question, which one do¢I want? Why not go for the best, the¢5.4 version, right? At this point I¢was starting to get really frustrated,¢but I wasn't about to give up! Using¢the latest version 5.4., I started¢playing with the modem, and I managed¢to log on to a BBS Board with a number¢given to me by a kind soul.¢¢Questions began to scroll across the¢screen, "Did I want 300, or 1200¢baud"? I knew I had a 300 baud, but¢how do I toggle to let the sysop know¢that I have a 300 baud. By the time I¢found out how to make the switch, I¢found myself logged off. Keeping my¢cool, I logged on again, like a real¢Pro only to find bigger problems like,¢"Did I want Ascii or Atascii"? Being¢very careful by nature, I hit one of¢them knowing I had a 50/50 chance that¢I made the right choice. All of a¢sudden I am answering more questions,¢almost like the questions I had on my¢first day in the Army. I'm surprised I¢wasn't asked my wifes' maiden name, my¢Social Security number, and my Income!¢Next, the strangest thing happened.¢Each time I hit a letter I was getting¢two of the same letter. Still¢maintaining my cool, I switched to the¢other mode (ATASCII), and now things¢were looking up. However,now I am¢asked for a four letter password.¢Thinking fast and typing what ever¢comes out, I am told I cannot use it,¢as someone else has it, or it is not a¢good word. (What words are 'good'?)¢By the time I got all the Army¢questions out of the way there was no¢time left, and again I found myself¢logged off!¢ ¢Being an indomitable soul, The next¢night I logged on, got all the¢questions out of the way only to find¢more problems then the prior night.¢When I finally reached the point of¢Downloading another problem arose. How¢do you accomplish this great feat? Not¢knowing the answer, I hung up and made¢several calls to some of my friends,¢only to find out that you have to go¢back to the main menu and hit Receive¢Xmodem,then go back to terminal mode¢and hit "D"for Download. Now, after¢typing the name of the file I wanted,¢the screen said "Ready to send". I hit¢start and all of a sudden the¢strangest things started to scroll¢across the screen. Being new to the¢Modem and having never seen a¢Download, I thought something was¢wrong. At this point I was exhausted,¢and I decided to let it run and see¢what happens! Not knowing that the¢file I was downloading was over 400¢sectors long, and that at 300 baud it¢would take almost 45 minutes, I¢innocently went ahead. When the¢screen finally indicated that the¢transfer was completed I was tired,¢but I felt great. Now to run my¢masterpiece and see what I had¢accomplished. I then typed¢"Load" and the name of the program and¢everthing looked fine. When the load¢was completed I ran the program and¢saw two "Readys" come up on the¢screen, one under each other. Now¢what? How is this possible? Why did I¢ever buy this monster? I made up my¢mind that before using the modem¢again, I would get full instructions¢before attempting it again. After¢making inquiries from other modem¢users I finally got documentation only¢to find that the 5.4 version had bugs¢in it and not to use it. Ah, but there¢was a corrected version out called 5.6¢which after some effort, I managed to¢obtain. After a¢little over a month of fearfully¢staying away from this new monster, I¢sat down with index cards with step by¢step instructions on logging on and¢logging off properly. When I finally¢logged on and gave my name, I was¢asked for my Password. No problem, I¢had wisely jotted it down. Then I was¢told that the Password was not¢accepted and if I was a "New user", I¢would have to to answer the questions¢again. Full of frustration I logged¢off. Question, why was my password no¢longer valid? Then I found out that¢because I had not logged on within 30¢days, I was automatically deleted from¢the board! My hitch in the Army was¢much easier then using this¢x#$%!!@&@## modem.¢¢One day looking through computer¢magazines, I found the telephone¢number of the OL' HACKERS ATARI USERS¢Group. I called and was told to come¢down. I joined that group and found¢other people with the same problems¢that I had with the modem. One of the¢fellows taking pity on me, kindly¢invited me to his home to show me the¢proper way to Download and Upload.¢¢After rectifying all my mistakess I¢felt great once again. Being informed¢that there was a great program on the¢modem on a particular BBS Board I went¢after it like a bloodhound!. I¢started calling at 8:00 P.M. and¢finally at 11:05 I logged on. The¢program was 624 sectors long. I¢figured this will take forever, but I¢was determined to get it. The program¢was slow but I was getting it, when¢suddenly, after 40 minutes and I was¢at sector 525, I noticed the screen¢going crazy. No! No! No! I can't¢believe this, everything was going¢great. Then a voice yelled down to me¢from on high. It was my wife stating¢she had picked up the phone to call¢her friend in Florida and there was¢something wrong with the phone, as she¢heard some funny sounds. She wanted to¢know if I knew what might be causing¢it?¢¢At this point, I will close with¢"Guess What Happened To My Wife".¢By: DENNIS KLINE, 5/1/87¢ ¢
