~Dr Marty Make-Wright


Remember Doctor Make-Wright? He used to write a monthly column in
Cheet Sheets. However a number of libelous comments resulted in a
costly trial which made the O J Simpson affair look like a case from 
the Small Claims Court. After the prosecution proved beyond a 
reasonable doubt occurances of completely unfounded claims against
multinational publishing houses and their subsidary software companies
Dr Marty was looking a condemed man. His only comment during the
hearing was "I'm as innocent as Bruce Grobbelaar" which probably 
explains the resulting three month jail sentence.

Once freed Dr Marty had a number of choices. He could go back to his
surgery to help the sick, he could join up with the UN for
international medical aid, or he could carry on writing a column 
about PC games. Guess which one he chose?


~                              *  *  *
       

Welcome back readers. Its Dr Marty Make-Wright back again to solve 
your PC queries. I've had a bit of time on my hands for the past
three months which has given me some time to think over my column. 
I've come up with a few more new sections for the reason of variety 
and not at all because I haven't received many questions from you lot.
This month you'll find the return of the Celebrity Question Corner,  
an interview with official rich bloke Bill Gates, and scattered 
between these textual marvels will be my usual question and answer 
sections. Let the games begin... 


~Dear Dr Marty,

~I've just bought Star Trek The Next Generation: A Final Unity. 
~Despite having the longest game name in history I still feel it is
~inferior to the excellent Star Trek Interactive Manual. Moreover 
~the missions in A Final Unity bore me. I've just about exhausted the
~fun possible from adjusting the EPS Power Grid in Engineering so
~was wondering if there was anything else I could do to keep myself 
~entertained?
~                                               Mr. Trek Kie

DR MARTY REPLIES:
                I to tired of adjusting the EPS Power Grid but found
additional pleasure in playing with the starboard impulse controls.
However you are right to want something more from this game. I agree
all that stuff about finding the fifth scroll and preventing the
Romulans from crossing the Neutral zone seems dull by comparison.
Instead Spectrum Holobyte have thoughtfully added a sub-game called
Wake Up William Riker. Go to the bridge and notice Commander Riker
walk in from the left. He'll head towards one of the computers, lean
on it, then immediately nod off. While he's dreaming away about
Councellor Troy get Picard to talk to him. Riker will wake up with a 
start and abruptly tell the Captain he hasn't got any suggestions
right now. Thats one game you'll never tire of.



~An Interview With Bill Gates

I was a bit bored one Sunday afternoon so I decided to play The
Telephone Numbers Game. The rules are really easy. Simply pick up
the phone, randomly press all the buttons, then wait to see who's
number you've dialled. As luck would have it I reached the personal
number of billionaire Bill Gates who was residing at his home in
Seattle. After one or two tiny exaggerations of the truth (I told
him I was Prince Phillip and was interested in Windows 95) he agreed
to give me this interview:

MM: Thank you so much for agreeing to this interview. One is most
    honoured to speak with someone who has more money than the
    Queen.

BG: Err.. no problem. 

MM: Now tell me Bill have you seen the film Outbreak?

BG: No, I don't go to the theatre. It's not interactive.

MM: Ah, well did you hear about that dreadful disease in Zimbabwee
    where thousands were killed?

BG: Well I might have read something about it. But don't you want me
    to talk about the new additions to Encarta 96 or Windo...

MM: Or maybe you are aware of those pests who are damaging our
    cauliflower crops this year. Damn things have to be scrapped off
    the leaves before they're put on sale in Tescos. Frightfully
    vulgar. One just can't buy decent vegetables in this day and age.

BG: Look, I don't care. I've got more money than the whole of western
    Europe put together so I don't have to listen to anybody. 
    Including royality. Now if you haven't anything interesting to say 
    I'm going to...

MM: Now, now Mr Gates. You seem to have misunderstood me. What I'm 
    trying to say is if you took all the bugs from Outbreak, and added
    them to those in Zimbabwee and on our cauliflowers you still
    wouldn't have enough bugs to match the number in Windows 95. Am I
    right, Mr Gates?

BG: Arrrrrgggghhhhh

MM: Oh, and one last thing. If you've got so much money why can't you
    afford to have you shirts ironed or your hair combed?

BG: I'm going to get you for this. Your not really Prince Phillip are
    you? I'm sick of these bloody crank calls. I've got this line
    traced and these's going to be BIG trouble when I find out who
    you are. I'm gonna........


At this point I decided it would be wise to end our conversation and
place the phone back onto the receiver!


~The Celebrity Question Corner

~Dear Dr Marty,

~I'm completely stuck as to what to do with the rest of my career. I
~am the designer and producer of PGA Tour Golf 486 but I can't see
~where next to turn. After the original PGA Tour Golf game I took
~my idea to the consoles and produced the same game over and over
~again, just changing the name of the game by adding the year on
~to the end (I got that trick from John Madden's Football). But 
~even the console kids got wise to that one so I wrote PGA 486 on
~the PC. I've tried to think of some new features to put into
~PGA Tour Golf Pentium but I'm completely stuck. Please help.
~                                               Steve Cartwright

DR MARTY REPLIES:
                Hey, you. Get outta here. This is the Celebrity
Question Corner. Last time I answered I question from the Prime
Minister, now I've got bloody Steve Cartwright. WHO?

Anyway, seeing as no big Hollywood movie stars have got in touch with
me this month (I expect their sack load of questions got lost in the
post) I'll give you an answer. I was playing a Skins Game last night
where I won $140,000. I've got a decent quality colour printer 
connected up to my PC and I got thinking wouldn't it be great if you 
included a PRINT option. If you executed this idea properly I'm damn 
sure PGA Pentium would sell a million copies.... every week!



Thats another month's column all finished. At least they can't get me
for libelous comments this time, I only insulted the richest man in
America and suggested the production of counterfeit money. Nowt wrong
with that.

There'll be more of the same next month (only with different words,
and probably in a different order too). Bye....