AREA 51 INFORMATION SERVICES AND ALIEN TOURIST BUREAU

AMERICA'S FAVORITE SECRET MILITARY INSTALLATION!

Making your brain a better place to live!

"On guard until seal is broken." - J. Daniel

ATTENTION! The following data has been declassified for public consumption.

1: Make sure you visit The Area 51 Forbidden Documents. Here you'll find all the rude stuff you don't want your kids to see such as naked persons, mangled bodies, and rude poetry. Have fun, complain if you like!

2: Stay abreast with the latest advances in modern covert technology with our resident techno-spy and his monthly science column. This month: Schizophrenia And Scooby Doo.

3: Area 51's Remote Product Test Facility has dedicated the whole of it's resources to preview and review that most important substance: Soap! This feature comes to us from Mr. David Lynch and The Sub-Genius List. An informative, and oddly relaxing and frothily spiritual feature.

4: A collection of resources for spiritual development including lists of commercially available products. Special entries on low cost mind devices you can build and use. Programs for your PC and your brain! See the first in our series of metaphysical product reviews: The Daydreamer LSD Flight Simulator.

5: Jump on into my vurry own anonymous FTP site! I put it there as an easy to use vehicle for friends to get software from me, but it's open to all hackers, freaks, interlopers and hermaphrodites. It may or may not have anything in it at any given moment...

6: This page is named after "Area 51", the place. If you jump here you'll get to see pictures of the real place. View mysteries! Confound the Air Force as you view their secrets from a distance!

7: Guess what?! I've just been awarded the coveted Dickhead Of The year Award by my beloved coworkers! Read all about it!

8: Here's the skinny on my favorite place on the planet to watch for our alien friends.

"You know Arthur, when you spend two months riding around on a really big man, you start to learn a few things about yourself. You learn that it is a really great thing to stay on Earth and live in a place that has no amrs or legs of it's own. And most importantly, Arthur, you learn how to close your eyes and tell yourself that this just isn't happening to me. So, did you miss me?"

- The Tick

• Can I tell you a few things about myself? Do you care? Good! Just point yer lil mouse over here and click on Kelly Lute's (a.k.a. Nick Danger / Dr. Chunk): Background.
• Why is this page called "Area 51"? Because. See info about this site here.
• The results are in! Area 51 is a hit-oid! See our somewhat rave reviews!
• Here's the mandatory Hotlist pointer of stuff I've found interesting on the net.
• Offended? Want to give us a piece of your mind? Cool! E-mail us and tell us all your commments, questions and criticisms.

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