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$Pretitle{}
$Title{(A) Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court
Chapter 31}
$Subtitle{}
$Author{Twain, Mark}
$Affiliation{}
$Subject{marco
how
never
now
little
time
wages
way
farmer
get}
$Date{1889}
$Log{}
Title:       (A) Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court
Author:      Twain, Mark
Date:        1889

Chapter 31

Marco

     We strolled along in a sufficiently indolent fashion, now, and talked.
We must dispose of about the amount of time it ought to take to go to the
little hamlet of Abblasoure and put justice on the track of those murderers
and get back home again.  And meantime I had an auxiliary interest which had
never paled yet, never lost its novelty for me, since I had been in Arthur's
kingdom: the behavior - born of nice and exact subdivisions of caste - of
chance passersby toward each other.  Toward the shaven monk who trudged along
with his cowl tilted back and the sweat washing down his fat jowls, the coal
burner was deeply reverent; to the gentleman he was abject; with the small
farmer and the free mechanic he was cordial and gossipy; and when a slave
passed by with a countenance respectfully lowered, this chap's nose was in
the air - he couldn't even see him.  Well, there are times when one would
like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.

     Presently we struck an incident.  A small mob of half naked boys and
girls came tearing out of the woods, scared and shrieking.  The eldest among
them were not more than twelve or fourteen years old.  They implored help,
but they were so beside themselves that we couldn't make out what the matter
was.  However, we plunged into the wood, they scurrying in the lead, and the
trouble was quickly revealed: they had hanged a little fellow with a bark
rope, and he was kicking and struggling, in the process of choking to death.
We rescued him, and fetched him around.  It was some more human nature; the
admiring little folk imitating their elders; they were playing mob, and had
achieved a success which promised to be a good deal more serious than they
had bargained for.

     It was not a dull excursion for me.  I managed to put in the time very
well.  I made various acquaintanceships, and in my quality of stranger was
able to ask as many questions as I wanted to.  A thing which naturally
interested me, as a statesman, was the matter of wages.  I picked up what I
could under that head during the afternoon.  A man who hasn't had much
experience, and doesn't think, is apt to measure a nation's prosperity or
lack of prosperity by the mere size of the prevailing wages: if the wages be
high, the nation is prosperous; if low, it isn't.  Which is an error.  It
isn't what sum you get, it's how much you can buy with it that's the
important thing; and it's that that tells whether your wages are high in fact
or only high in name.  I could remember how it was in the time of our great
civil war in the nineteenth century.  In the North a carpenter got three
dollars a day, gold valuation; in the South he got fifty - payable in
Confederate shinplasters worth a dollar a bushel.  In the North a suit of
overalls cost three dollars - a day's wages; in the South it cost
seventy-five - which was two days' wages.  Other things were in proportion.
Consequently, wages were twice as high in the North as they were in the
South, because the one wage had that much more purchasing power than the
other had.

     Yes, I made various acquaintances in the hamlet, and a thing that
gratified me a good deal was to find our new coins in circulation - lots of
milrays, lots of mills, lots of cents, a good many nickels, and some silver;
all this among the artisans and commonalty generally; yes, and even some gold
- but that was at the bank, that is to say; the goldsmith's.  I dropped in
there while Marco the son of Marco was haggling with a shopkeeper over a
quarter of a pound of salt, and asked for change for a twenty dollar gold
piece.  They furnished it - that is, after they had chewed the piece, and
rung it on the counter, and tried acid on it, and asked me where I got it,
and who I was, and where I was from, and where I was going to, and when I
expected to get there, and perhaps a couple of hundred more questions; and
when they got aground, I went right on and furnished them a lot of
information voluntarily: told them I owned a dog, and his name was Watch, and
my first wife was a Free Will Baptist, and her grandfather was a
Prohibitionist, and I used to know a man who had two thumbs on each hand and
a wart on the inside of his upper lip, and died in the hope of a glorious
resurrection and so on and so on and so on till even that hungry village
questioner began to look satisfied, and also a shade put out; but he had to
respect a man of my financial strength, and so he didn't give me any lip, but
I noticed he took it out of his underlings, which was a perfectly natural
thing to do.  Yes, they changed my twenty, but I judged it strained the bank
a little, which was a thing to be expected, for it was the same as walking
into a paltry village store in the nineteenth century and requiring the boss
of it to change a two-thousand dollar bill for you all of a sudden.  He could
do it, maybe; but at the same time he would wonder how a small farmer
happened to be carrying so much money around in his pocket; which was
probably this goldsmith's thought, too; for he followed me to the door and
stood there gazing after me with reverent admiration.

     Our new money was not only handsomely circulating, but its language was
already glibly in use; that is to say, people had dropped the names of the
former moneys, and spoke of things as being worth so many dollars or cents or
mills or milrays, now.  It was very gratifying.  We were progressing, that
was sure.

     I got to know several master mechanics, but about the most interesting
fellow among them was the blacksmith, Dowley.  He was a live man and a brisk
talker, and had two journeymen and three apprentices, and was doing a raging
business.  In fact, he was getting rich, hand over fist, and was vastly
respected.  Marco was very proud of having such a man for a friend.  He had
taken me there ostensibly to let me see the big establishment which bought so
much of his charcoal, but really to let me see what easy and almost familiar
terms he was on with this great man.  Dowley and I fraternized at once; I had
had just such picked men, splendid fellows, under me in the Colt Arms
Factory.  I was bound to see more of him, so I invited him to come out to
Marco's, Sunday, and dine with us.  Marco was appalled, and held his breath;
and when the grandee accepted, he was so grateful that he almost forgot to be
astonished at the condescension.

     Marco's joy was exuberant - but only for a moment; then he grew
thoughtful, then sad; and when he heard me tell Dowley I should have Dickon
the boss mason, and Smug the boss wheelwright out there, too, the coal dust
on his face turned to chalk, and he lost his grip.  But I knew what was the
matter with him; he judged that his financial days were numbered.  However,
on our way to invite the others, I said:

     "You must allow me to have these friends come, and you must also allow
me to pay the costs."

     His face cleared, and he said with spirit:

     "But not all of it, not all of it.  Ye cannot well bear a burden like to
this alone."

     I stopped him, and said:

     "Now let's understand each other on the spot, old friend.  I am only a
farm bailiff, it is true; but I am not poor, nevertheless.  I have been very
fortunate this year - you would be astonished to know how I have thriven.  I
tell you the honest truth when I say I could squander away as many as a dozen
feasts like this and never care that for the expense!"  And I snapped my
fingers.  I could see myself rise a foot at a time in Marco's estimation, and
when I fetched out those last words I was become a very tower, for style and
altitude.  "So you see, you must let me have my way.  You can't contribute a
cent to this orgy, that's settled."

     "It's grand and good of you -"

     "No, it isn't.  You've opened your house to Jones and me in the most
generous way; Jones was remarking upon it today, just before you came back
from the village; for although he wouldn't be likely to say such a thing to
you, - because Jones isn't a talker, and is diffident in society - he has a
good heart and a grateful, and knows how to appreciate it when he is well
treated; yes, you and your wife have been very hospitable toward us -"

     "Ah, brother, 'tis nothing - such hospitality!"

     "But it is something; the best a man has, freely given, is always
something, and is as good as a prince can do, and ranks right along beside it
- for even a prince can but do his best.  And so we'll shop around and get up
this layout, now, and don't you worry about the expense.  I'm one of the
worst spendthrifts that ever was born.  Why, do you know, sometimes in a
single week I spend - but never mind about that - you'd never believe it
anyway."

     And so we went gadding along, dropping in here and there, pricing
things, and gossiping with the shopkeepers about the riot, and now and then
running across pathetic reminders of it, in the persons of shunned and
tearful and houseless remnants of families whose homes had been taken from
them and their parents butchered or hanged.  The raiment of Marco and his
wife was of coarse tow linen and linsey-woolsey respectively, and resembled
township maps, it being made up pretty exclusively of patches which had been
added, township by township, in the course of five or six years, until hardly
a handbreadth of the original garments was surviving and present.  Now I
wanted to fit these people out with new suits, on account of that swell
company, and I didn't know just how to get at it with delicacy, until at last
it struck me that as I had already been liberal in inventing wordy gratitude
for the king, it would be just the thing to back it up with evidence of a
substantial sort; so I said:

     "And Marco, there's another thing which you must permit - out of
kindness for Jones - because you wouldn't want to offend him.  He was very
anxious to testify his appreciation in some way, but he is so diffident he
couldn't venture it himself, and so he begged me to buy some little things
and give them to you and Dame Phyllis and let him pay for them without your
ever knowing they came from him - you know how a delicate person feels about
that sort of thing - and so I said I would, and we would keep mum.  Well, his
idea was, a new outfit of clothes for you both -"

     "Oh, it is wastefulness!  It may not be, brother, it may not be.
Consider the vastness of the sum - "

     "Hang the vastness of the sum!  Try to keep quiet for a moment, and see
how it would seem; a body can't get in a word edgeways, you talk so much.
You ought to cure that, Marco; it isn't good form, you know, and it will grow
on you if you don't check it.  Yes, we'll step in here, now, and price this
man's stuff - and don't forget to remember to not let on to Jones that you
know he had anything to do with it.  You can't think how curiously sensitive
and proud he is.  He's a farmer - pretty fairly well-to-do farmer - and I'm
his bailiff; but - the imagination of that man!  Why, sometimes when he
forgets himself and gets to blowing off, you'd think he was one of the swells
of the earth; and you might listen to him a hundred years and never take him
for a farmer - especially if he talked agriculture.  He thinks he's a Sheol
of a farmer; thinks he's old Grayback from Wayback; but between you and me
privately he don't know as much about farming as he does about running a
kingdom - still, whatever he talks about, you want to drop your underjaw and
listen, the same as if you had never heard such incredible wisdom in all your
life before, and were afraid you might die before you got enough of it.  That
will please Jones."

     It tickled Marco to the marrow to hear about such an odd character; but
it also prepared him for accidents; and in my experience when you travel with
a king who is letting on to be something else and can't remember it more than
about half the time, you can't take too many precautions.

     This was the best store we had come across yet; it had everything in it,
in small quantities, from anvils and dry goods all the way down to fish and
pinchbeck jewelry.  I concluded I would bunch my whole invoice right here,
and not go pricing around any more.  So I got rid of Marco, by sending him
off to invite the mason and the wheelwright, which left the field free to me.
For I never care to do a thing in a quiet way; it's got to be theatrical or I
don't take any interest in it.  I showed up money enough, in a careless way,
to corral the shopkeeper's respect, and then I wrote down a list of the
things I wanted, and handed it to him to see if he could read it.  He could,
and was proud to show that he could.  He said he had been educated by a
priest, and could read and write both.  He ran it through, and remarked with
satisfaction that it was a pretty heavy bill.  Well, and so it was, for a
little concern like that.  I was not only providing a swell dinner, but some
odds and ends of extras.  I ordered that the things be carted out and
delivered at the dwelling of Marco the son of Marco by Saturday evening, and
send me the bill at dinner time Sunday.  He said I could depend upon his
promptness and exactitude, it was the rule of the house.  He also observed
that he would throw in a couple of miller-guns for the Marcos, gratis - that
everybody was using them now.  He had a mighty opinion of that clever device.
I said:

     "And please fill them up to the middle mark, too; and add that to the
bill."

     He would, with pleasure.  He filled them, and I took them with me.  I
couldn't venture to tell him that the miller-gun was a little invention of my
own, and that I had officially ordered that every shopkeeper in the kingdom
keep them on hand and sell them at government price - which was the merest
trifle, and the shopkeeper got that, not the government.  We furnished them
for nothing.

     The king had hardly missed us when we got back at nightfall.  He had
early dropped again into his dream of a grand invasion of Gaul with the whole
strength of his kingdom at his back, and the afternoon had slipped away
without his ever coming to himself again.