You may think your spouse does not understand your feelings. Sometimes talking to each other is hard, since people with cancer and their spouses are not sure what to say. They try to protect each other from their worries and fears. Sometimes when a marriage is troubled before the discovery of cancer, the news makes the marital problems seem worse. If you are having marriage problems, you need to deal with them. If you don't, the problems may interfere with your ability to cope with cancer.
* How to talk to your spouse about your worries
* What to do if talking seems to make things worse
* How you and your spouse can meet each other's needs for support
* Having cancer
* Cancer treatment
* Problems that existed before the illness
* Child care if a parent is in the hospital
* Management of family finances
Hospitals often have people trained to assist with problems that relate to cancer. But, sometimes these trained people are not able to help with marriage problems. They may lack training in marriage counseling, or the hospital staff may be too small. If this is the case, you can find a private counselor or a community counseling service.
If you want a private counselor, ask a cancer counselor at the hospital to refer you to someone. Community agencies that help with marriage problems include Family Service of America, Jewish Family Service, and Catholic Social Service.
Going to a marriage counselor does not mean your marriage is over. It also does not mean you have to stay in a marriage that you are certain will never work. It does mean you are willing to try to work on your problems and make decisions that can help you be happier.
Marriage counselors do not tell people what to do. Their job is to help you decide what you want for yourself and your marriage. They offer you ideas that help you work toward your goals.
Children are always affected by a troubled marriage. They often think they are the cause of their parents' troubles. Sometimes their worries show up in behavior changes, school problems, or drug and alcohol use. Your children will usually be relieved if they see you are getting help for your marriage.
This Fact Sheet is adapted from the book, Helping People Cope: A Guide for Families Facing Cancer, written by Joan F. Hermann, ACSW, Sandra L. Wojtkowiak, RN, MSN, Peter S. Houts, Ph.D., and S. Benham Kahn, MD, and supported by the Pennsylvania Cancer Control Program of the Pennsylvania Department of Health; 1990 Revised Edition.
c 1993, American Cancer Society, Inc.
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