Prized Bizarre Sites
by Todd Marshall
Give a freak an inch, and he'll make a wacked-out Web page. Surf around
and you'll quickly find them - pages that are sick and twisted, often centering
on strange new uses for household products, or worshipping canned meat as
some kind of deity. And, of course, we love them. What better way to spend
an evening than to admire some Webster's air-sickness bag collection? Very
exciting stuff. Check out our 10 most prized bizarre sites.
The Exploding Head Page
http://www.vv.com/~gilmore/head/heads.html
Boom, baby. The man behind this page - entertaining genius, or Hinkley wanna-be?
You be the judge. The Exploding Head Page indeed has plenty of exploding
heads, but with a twist - most of the heads that explode are those of annoying
famous people, including Rush Limbaugh, Bill Gates, Tom Hanks, and Boris
Yeltsin. The premise is simple but entertaining. Click on the head that
you would like to see explode, and click by click, your dreams come true.
Sick, demented, fun. That's what being our favorite bizarre page is all
about.
Captain James T. Kirk Sing-a-Long Page
http://www.ama.caltech.edu/users/mrm/kirk.html
Yeah, we've all either heard about it or seen it for ourselves, and it's
an obvious pick, but it's just so damn weird! In the salad days of *Star
Trek*, William Shatner had a short-lived musical career, doing covers of
hit tunes, soaking in that trademark Shatner drama skill. Enjoy such time
loved classics the James T. Kirk way, like "Lucy in the Sky of Diamonds"and the theme to Cyrano. By all means, check out his rendition of "Mr.
Tambourine Man". It's completely twisted and frightening.
How To Ride Elevators
http://www.otis.utc.com/RidingSafely.html
Of course, we couldn't get through the list without throwing in something
that's educational. From the same school of thought that brought us "How
to Chew Gum and Not Swallow It," comes How to Ride Elevators. Work
through each riveting lesson, and within weeks, you to will be able to flawlessly
ride an elevator. Study such hard-hitting topics as "Watch for closing
doors. Don't touch or stop them," and "Watch your step, and enter
and exit carefully."
Messages Heavenbound
http://www.golden.net/~startrek/
Haven't you ever wondered if God himself was surfing the net? Apparently
He is, but there's only one place where you can get in touch with him. And
I quote, "Here is a non-denominational, publicly accessible direct
link to the Heavens that can electronically beam prayers, hopes and dreams
into space, into time, ... into forever." Apparently, this transmitter
utilizes the same technology that NASA uses in its satellites. And if God
isn't your thing, the transmitter is presently the only known way to contact
extra terrestrials by e-mail.
ChiliDog's Condiment Castle (MIRRORED)
http://www.duke.edu/~niebling/index.htm
Have you ever actually been forced to eat a hot dog without ketchup or mustard?
Paper cuts are more fun. Condiments can make or break a meal, or so thinks
Web master ChiliDog. Let's just say there are fetishes, and then there's
the abyss. The main point of the page is to pick what you'd like on your
dog. You'd think that after you picked your poison, you'd get a little GIF
rendition of what your hot dog would look like. Nope. Your condiment selection
is just e-mailed to ChiliDog, who apparently is fascinated with what people
prefer on their dog. Spooky.
Talk to My Cat
http://queer.slip.cs.cmu.edu/cgi-bin/talktocat
Oh yeah, here's a healthy household pet. Like cats weren't spazzed out enough,
with that random, "I must be in the next room this instant" thing.
With Talk to My Cat, you can mess with a cat's mind even more by speaking
to it through the Web. It's a clever little page, where you type in a message
and send it off; it goes to the Web site creator's computer, where it's
read by the computer out loud, presumably to the cat. Too bad we can't see
its reaction.
Find the Spam (MIRRORED)
http://sp1.berkeley.edu/findthespam.html
Ah yes, Spam, the wonder meat of love and freedom. Even better, this page
showcases the ever popular "Find the Spam" game. Gather the friends
and family around for hours of fun and intrigue as you find that rascally
can of mystery flesh. Better than Where's Waldo, this page is sure to delight
kids of all ages, regardless of the fact that the Spam Can you're supposed
to find is so big, it's the only thing you'll see on your screen. The only
thing you can't find on this page is an answer to what the hell that weird
jelly in the can is. [Editor's note: After hours of research, we determined
that the "weird jelly" is, in fact, weird aspic.]
The First Presleytarian Church of Elvis the Divine
http://pages.prodigy.com/NJ/zvqj45a/zvqj45a.html
Thank you. Thank you very much. This page seems pretty official, but could
it be? Not to ruffle any jumpsuits, but the man died on the toilet from
a drug overdose. Not exactly a beacon for religious pursuit. Anyway, the
King lives on. Followers worship the hunka burnin' hot one by kneeling to
Las Vegas once a day, learning the 31 Elvis commandments, and of course,
making the journey to Graceland at least once in their lives. Check it out
and learn of the Presleytarians' belief that Elvis will make another comeback
special some time between Dec. 25, 1999 and Jan. 8, 2000. Can this be for
real? You need to spend $12 to join, so I guess so.
The Cabbage Page (MIRRORED)
http://metro.turnpike.net/C/cabbage/index.html
The slug line says it best - "vegetables can have their own home page,
too." This page is delivers everything you could ever possibly want
to know about squash. No, just kidding. We're talking some major cabbage
fetish here. It's a perfect example of what happens when a horticulturist
gets the knack of HTML. There's some recommended music to play for growing
cabbage, and lots of GIFs of cabbage gardens. Plus, the hottest links to
fertilizer Web sites you'll find anywhere. Now, if we could just find the
home page of cauliflower...
The Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything
http://www.wam.umd.edu/~twoflowr/button.htm
It's kind of an oxymoron cubed. This page features a Really Big Button That
Doesn't Do Anything, so naturally you think it's all a hoax and that surely
the button does something. But click it, and guess what? Zip. It doesn't
do anything. Or does it? The Big Button has quite a following, as you'll
see. Scroll down the page to read testaments of Big Button worshipers as
they recount the miracles of that glorious button, which in turn negates
the name of the button, since it does indeed do something - it makes Web
goons chatter incessantly about it. Very tricky.
And don't miss:
Abandoned Site Version 1.8 (http://www.xtc.net/~nil/)
Church of the Subgenius (http://mt.www.media.mit.edu/people/mt/subg/subg.html)
FBI's 10 Most Wanted Fugitives (http://www.fbi.gov/toplist.htm)
Mad Hatter (http://www.magi.com/~gray/mh.html)
Momentous Thoughts (http://www.swcp.com/pcaskey/thoughts.html)
Pave The Earth! (http://www.cs.cmu.edu/afs/andrew.cmu.edu/usr18/mset/www/pave.html)
The John Gotti Tribute Page (http://www.netgate.net/~ravenna/gotti.html)
The Ugly Guys Contest (http://www.gatech.edu/steve/ugly/)
Wearable Wireless Webcam (http://www-white.media.mit.edu/~steve/netcam.html)