A.Merryman

Shit Happens

Calvinism            Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

7th Day Adventist    Shit doesn't happen on Saturdays.

Hedonism             There is nothing like a good shit happening.

Existentialism       What is shit anyways?
                     Shit doesn't happen; shit is.

Zoroastrianism       Shit happens half the time.

Moonies              Only happy shit really happens.

Mormon               This shit is going to happen again.

Jehovah's Witnesses  No shit happens until Armaggedon.

Secular Humanism     Shit evolves.

Reform Judaism       Got any Kaopectate?

Christian Science    When shit doesn't happen, don't call a doctor--pray.

Taoism               If you can shit, it isn't shit.

Buddhism             Shit will happen again to you next time.

Hinduism             This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.

Charismatic Catholicism
                     Shit is happening because you deserve it,
                     but we love you anyway.

Creationalism        After six days of shit, He rested.

New Age              This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
                     I create my own shit.

Mormon               Hey, there's more shit over here!

Baptist              You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished 
                     for it.

Unitarianism         Go ahead, shit anywhere you want

Iraqi Baathist       Oh shit!

Televangelism        Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit
                     stop happening

Agnosticism          It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted
                     it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.

Atheism              It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm
                     going to taste it.

Voodoo               Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on
                     you.

Yuppism              It's my shit!  All mine!  Isn't it beautiful?

Heisenbergism        Shit happened, we just don't know where.

Nixonism             Shit didn't happen, and if it did I din't know
                     anything about it.

McCarthyism          Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?

Communism            It's everybody's shit.

Capitalism           Shit happens, and it'll cost you!

McLeanism            This shit has happened to me before.

Green Peace          Save this shit.

Environmentalism     Recycle this shit.

Fatalism             Not this shit AGAIN.

Paranoia             Shit happens cuz it's a plot.

Optimism             Shit happens only once.

Pessimism            Shit happens forever.

Military             Shit happens. By the numbers.

Realist              I think I need to take a shit.

Daoism              If you think it's shit, you missed the point

Episcopalianism     Same shit, less stink

Utilitarianism      Shit if it creates the most pleasure

Creationist         This shit is 6000 years old
                    How could such neat shit come about by random chance?

END
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