CLANGERS
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Here are a few classroom clangers to brighten you up.....

N.B.   Every  one of these pieces were either said, written or printed in
or for real schools by real people, not one of them is 'made up'....

Julius Caeser landed in Britain in 55BC and went away in AD410.....

The  Great  Fire  of London was caused by someone dropping a match into a
tin of petrol in a garage.....

The Beefeaters had weapons 20 feet long.....

In Tudor times women had square chests.....

Lecturer  :   "This  is an axle in my hand.  At the end of this axle is a
crank."
Student  : "Which end ?"

The Tropic of Cancer is a strange incurable disease.....

"Name the five continents."
"a,e,i,o,u."

A dingo is a bird with the face of a dog.....

"Where are the Urals ?"
"Behind the Science lab, sir."

The Zulus live in mud huts and have rough mating on the floor.....

Warsaw is the capital of Pololand.....

The Venetians go about in Gladiolas.....

Plants  are  different  from  animals  because  they  do  not  go  to the
toilet.....

To treat a patient for shock, rape him in a warm blanket.....

Snoring is letting off sleep.....

Teaching always drives a man to drink, golf or insanity.....

John has been in bed for two days with his head.....

Please excuse Jacqueline for being off school yesterday.  She was hanging
on to-the mantlepiece with her stomach.....

I went home to find out what time it was, that's why I was late, sir.....

"What do tigers eat ?"
"Frosties."

"Is there a special time when you eat turkey ?"
"Yes miss, when it's dead."

Polygamy is a shape with many sides to it.....

"Where would you put the colon ?"
"On the fire, sir."

We have got a new home copulator.....

When  the  X-ray  van  came  we  had to take off some of our clothes in a
cuticle...- .

Pluto took Persephone on the Underground.....

Massacre is the black stuff people put on their eyes.....

I must draw a one-inch virgin on the left hand side of each page.....

Silhouette - to turn round on the spot.....

"Illustrate the difference between two, to and too."
"There are two o's in too but only one in two and to."

When my feet are wet I take them off and dry them at the fire.....

She scar guest dan is the president of France.....

As this was holy day, the priest washed the beggars feet and gave arms to
the poor.....

The Muslim faith was started by Mohammed Ali.....

The first book of the Bible is called Guinness.....

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