R1/2 -- Chris Collins (1clc0772@unixstew.tstc.edu)

 Well, now that NYANNIICHUAN is no longer giving me hell and writer's
block, I can finally move on to the next story on my list.... (CHEF'S NOTE:
*sniffle* How can you be so casual about it???  A young girl DIED in your
last story!) (OLD VOICE: *puff from pipe* Well... y'know, these things
happen.) (CHEF'S NOTE: *flustered* How can you be so insensitive?) (CUTE
VOICE: Hmph.  What you so upset about, Spatula Girl?  Opposition gone.
Should be happy.) (CHEF'S NOTE: Happy???) (CUTE VOICE: What happen to
'Bitch must die?'  Ne?) (CHEF'S NOTE: But.... *distantly* Poor girl.)
 Psst. (CHEF'S NOTE: ?) She'll be back, y'know. (CHEF'S NOTE: Hn? *sniff
sniff* She will?) *smile* Now you don't think I'd go to all the trouble of
developing Miko's character just to get rid of her. (CHEF'S NOTE: Really?)
You should know my stories are more complex than that.  Now why don't you
just sit back and watch our next production unfold.  You're one of the main
characters. (CHEF'S NOTE: *nod* Okay.)
 [This is a standard fanfic disclaimer.  If ya don't know the drill by
now....  This story is written purely for entertainment purposes and not to
make money or stake a claim on someone else's ideas.  Although the author
is using many characters that are already copyrighted and well-known, he is
too unoriginal to write stuff that's totally his own--the moron.]
 Just a note before we start.  This story picks up almost immediately after
Ranma wakes up in NYANNIICHUAN: VERY TRAGIC STORY (same day).  And in case
I've forgotten to mention, HELLCATS and NYANNIICHUAN take place sometime
between volumes 26 and 30 of the manga.  And I apologize for all the
inconsistencies I've inadvertently made.

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              |       An Iron Dagger Production        |
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 _Hehehe.  Soon, Shampoo!  Soon you shall be mine!_  Mousse carefully
pushed open the door and peeked his head into Shampoo's room.  Then, after
a quick glance around to make sure no one was lurking within, he entered,
tip-toeing in tiny, rapid steps as only an animated character could.  (CUTE
VOICE: Silly Mousse....  Hey!  What he doing in my room?!)
 Yesterday, the Old Mummy had received an order of passion spice imported
from Spain--and it was kept in a very distinctly decorated wooden box: red
and yellow ribbons intertwined around a black background.  He'd searched
the whole Nekohanten, even daring to venture in the Old Mummy's tomb (where
her sarcophagus lay) but, while he found many archaic and ancient items of
interest, he didn't find the spice.  The only place left was Shampoo's room.
 Mousse adjusted his glasses and looked around, wondering where to start.
He scowled at all the pictures of Ranma covering the walls like patchwork
wallpaper--no matter where he turned, his worst enemy was staring him in
the face, mocking him.  After making a few pointless, taunting faces at the
wall in front of him, he turned and strode over to the bed to begin his
search.  (CUTE VOICE: HEY!  Stupid Mousse!  Leave Shampoo stuff alone!)
 He quickly patted down the bed, only finding a small, red diary under the
pillow--he'd read some of it before, and it wasn't as interesting as he
thought it'd be.  (CUTE VOICE: HEY!!!)  After placing it back in its hiding
place, he dropped down to check under the bed, then gasped and drew back in
panic as a flood of shogi comics spilled onto the floor before him.  (OLD
VOICE: They multiply like rabbits, don't they?)  He looked around
nervously, then let out a deep breath and got up to check her dresser.
 He immediately pulled out the top drawer.  Finding only more comic books,
he pushed it shut and opened the one below it, then gasped and immediately
shut it.  That was a bit more than he wanted to know about Shampoo's
personal life--for now, anyway.  He never imagined Shampoo was so lonely.
He looked back at the door, sweating, then looked down at himself with a
bit more understanding. (OLD VOICE: Nyahahaha!) (CUTE VOICE: *sweating*
Er... hehehe.... *groan*)
 He hesitantly reached for the next drawer down, then carefully started
pulling it out, ready to avert his eyes at the first sign of... something
he wasn't ready to see.  But then he caught sight of the red and yellow
trim of the box he was looking for.  He gasped in relief, then pulled the
drawer all the way out.  Then, taking the box under his arm, he shoved the
drawer back in and crept out of the room somewhat wiser than when he had
entered.

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              |        Written and Directed by:        |
              |        Christopher Lee Collins         |
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 Shampoo smiled and hummed an errant Chinese tune as she methodically
scrubbed the dishes in the kitchen sink, only half paying attention to her
chore while her mind wandered to more interesting subjects.
 She was in especially good spirit!  Her great-grandmother had just tracked
down a rare love spice that was guaranteed to work, and today, she was
going to get to try it out on Ranma!  She was so excited, so flustered with
anticipation, that she got up extra-early that morning and immediately
waltzed into her chores; she was still wearing only the red and gold
Chinese shirt she had slept in--the shirt she had paid Nabiki to
"permanently borrow" from Ranma's closet. (CUTE VOICE: Ooh!  Not bad idea!
Why I no think of that?) (CHEF'S NOTE: You did.) (CUTE VOICE: Oh.  ?)
 She'd finally get that stubborn boy to take her on a real date this
time--complete with all the options!  She blushed just thinking about the
possibilities. (CUTE VOICE: *dreamy sigh* Oh Airen....) (CHEF'S NOTE: Ahem!
 Hands above the waist, China girl!)
 Suddenly, Shampoo halted in mid-scrub and mid-thought when she heard a
*thump* somewhere outside.  She cocked her head quizzically toward the back
door. (CUTE VOICE: Why Shampoo cock head?) (NOTE: *whining* Please don't
start this again.) A second later, she heard the low clatter of a toppled
garbage can followed by the chalkboard screech of an alleycat.  _Must be
two strays fighting over scraps again._  She turned back to her dishes and
continued her routine (minus the humming).
 But before she could regain her train of thought, she heard another
*thump*--this time inside the restaurant!  Shampoo paused abruptly.  She
glanced at the clock on the wall.  5:23.  Mousse usually wasn't up this
early and her great-grandmother shouldn't have been back yet; and neither
one made that much noise moving around the house anyway.
 After hearing another *thump*, she decided that she had better go
investigate.  So, after hastily drying her hands, she carefully crept to
the kitchen door and hesitantly pushed it open.
 She slowly peeked her head out of the doorway and peered into the main
dining area.  "Mousse.  Is that you?"  No answer.  All the chairs were
still propped on their tables and there was no sign of anyone's passage.
 *thump*  Shampoo turned in the direction of the noise.  It was coming from
the staircase--just around the corner of the room!  Momentarily panicked,
she started to retreat back into the kitchen, but she just as quickly
stopped herself.  She WAS an Amazon warrior after all, so even if it was an
intruder, it was nothing a strong woman like herself couldn't handle.  So,
taking a deep breath and filling herself with determination, she boldly
strode out the door and headed for the stairs.
 She scoffed at her momentary cowardice as she rounded the corner, but then
she screamed when she saw a black, red, and yellow box flying down the
staircase toward her.  Her foot instinctively leapt from the floor and
smashed into the projectile, reducing it to splinters; but then she started
coughing as she found herself enveloped in a thick cloud of white dust.

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              |    Based on Characters Created by:     |
              |            Rumiko Takahashi            |
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 "Yes!"  Mousse clenched his fists before him as he snapped into the
ridiculous Ranma 1/2 bent-limb victory stance.  He beamed down at the
hacking dustcloud at the bottom of the stairs and unnecessarily bantered
(aloud) to himself, "You're mine now, Shampoo!  All you need but do is look
upon my face and you will fall hopelessly in love with me!"
 With a twinkling chime, an image appeared before his mind's eye of his
darling Shampoo staring up at him with her big, glistening, I'm-so-cute
reddish-amber eyes and uttering a gentle, "Wo ai ni."  Mousse was ecstatic
with the thought.  (CUTE VOICE: Eeep!)  He spread his arms wide and cried,
"My Darling Shampoo, I will never leave you!" as he dashed down the
staircase, hardly seeming to touch the steps.
 He entered the white mist at break-neck speed; there was a loud !SLAP! and
he flew head-first out the other side at the same rapid pace.  He sailed
low to the ground, knocked over a few tables, then skimmed across the floor
on his face, knocking over a few more tables until he hit the back wall by
the front door.
 "*dizzy* There's... no need... to play so rough, My Love...."  Mousse
rubbed the back of his head and pushed himself up on one elbow in time to
see Shampoo, still coughing up a lung, step out of the dispersing cloud.
Her hair and skin were so angelically pale.  He smiled and was ready to
call out to her when her battle aura suddenly flared and her eyes became
twin feral slivers of fire.  Mousse gasped and cringed back to the wall.
 Shampoo clenched her fists and took a step forward.  "*cough cough* Ooooh!
 Stupid Mousse!  What you doing with Shampoo's make-up powder?!"
 Mousse looked at her incredulously and stuttered, "Ma-ma-make-up...."
 "Never mind!"  Shampoo waved a forceful hand in dismissal.  "Just look at
mess you make!  You clean up now and then I kill!"
 Mousse just stared at her, his mouth moving up and down without words.
After a few infuriating seconds, the Amazon hissed, "Well???"
 "Y-yes ma'am."  Mousse scrambled to his feet, concluding that maybe he
should comply before she pieced key steps together and decided to kill him
a bit sooner.  "I-I-I'll go get a broom right away!"  Keeping his head low,
he scuttled around her and made it half-way across the room before....
 "Hey!"  Shampoo tilted her head to the side, sending a soft rain of white
drifting from her hair.  Mousse started sweating and taking quieter and
infinitely slower steps, hoping to go unnoticed.  Shampoo continued, "How
you get Shampoo's make-up powder?"  Then, her battle aura flared anew as
she quickly deduced, "You went into Shampoo's room!"  She swiveled her
demon-like features in Mousse's direction and growled.
 The master of hidden weapons threw his arms up and ran screaming for the
back door.

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              |      Akane Tendo and Ukyou Kuonji      |
              |                  in:                   |
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 !CRASH! !CLATTER! "Come back here, Stupid Mousse!" "Wait... Shampoo...
*ack* Don't do anything !SMASH! you might regret later!" !CRASH! !THUD!
 "Aaaaagh!"  Mousse ran out the back door as fast as he could, his head
ducked down as pots and pans darted by.  After clearing the restaurant by
several yards, he made a sharp turn to his right, skidding a few more yards
before actually moving forward again, then ran for the half-dozen garbage
cans by the corner of the restaurant.
 "*ROAR* You not get away that easily!"  A couple of seconds after Mousse
darted out the door, Shampoo rushed out, only skidding a few yards from the
entrance before stopping to hurl the rest of the pots and pans she had
piled in her arms.
 "Ow!  Ow!"  Mousse flinched as two frying pans grazed his side and
shoulder.  Panting, he made another sharp turn and ran behind the garbage
cans, disappearing around the corner before taking any serious injury.
Then he yelled adamantly, "Hey!  What are you...."
 Shampoo huffed and took a step forward.  "What am I what, Stupid Mousse?!
What?!"  She waited for several seconds, her chest heaving in anger, but
she received no response.  Calming herself, her eyes widened in concern and
blinked in confusion.  "Mousse?  You still there?"
 After a few seconds, a deep, bestial voice replied, "I am sorry, but he is
unavailable at the moment."  Shampoo gasped and jumped back as a tall
figure in a brown robe strode from the alleyway Mousse had ran into,
stalking as silently as a cat on the prowl.  His face was completely masked
in darkness within his cowl, and nothing could be seen beneath his robe but
shadow.  He walked around the garbage cans and stopped a dozen yards from
where Shampoo stood, his sleeves locked together monk-style.  "I don't
believe we've been formally introduced."
 Shampoo snapped into an attacking pose and spat, "I no care who you are
but you trespassing on private property.  What you do with Mousse?"
 With a light chuckle, he raised his arms into a fighting position; the
billowy sleeves covering his hands slipped past his wrists, revealing two
orange-furred, clawed hands.  Shampoo gasped and her eyes widened in shock
and recognition.
 Then, without warning, the robed man-thing rushed forward.  "Eep!"
Shampoo jumped into the air just as multiple lightning-quick claws
cross-sliced the air where she had been standing.  Undeterred, the
assailant stepped forward, and when Shampoo landed, he immediately
assaulted her with a flurry of punches (resembling a Chestnut Fist).
 Shampoo was driven back as she tried to block all the blows, but after a
few seconds, she found a flaw in her opponent's attack and managed to catch
one of his fists.  She then thrust her foot at her adversary's sternum, but
was surprised and shocked when he caught it, looped his arm under her leg,
then pulled her dangerously close to him; he then reversed Shampoo's hold
on his other hand and pinned her arm behind her back, pulling her into a
tight embrace.  Shampoo whimpered pitifully.
 The robed man crooned, "I win.  And now to claim my prize."  Before
Shampoo could scream, he threw his cowled head over hers and kissed her
deeply.  A warm, red glow steadily enveloped their bodies.