~~~~~
Misuteru (Forsaken)

Author: Jason and The Argos

A dark piece, someone writes a letter about change, cruelty, and life.

And now...

~~~~~

The Argos and The Temple at Infinity's End Present:

_-=^=-_

Misuteru
Forsaken

_-=^=-_

 I really don't know what to say right now. Writing has never been
something I've done well (as these chicken-scratches might tell you.)
and now I am trying to put everything in my head down on paper. I know
that it would have been more polite to say this directly to you, but it
is all I can do to keep myself together while writing this.
 I think you, at least, understand how bad the last few weeks have been
for me. Or maybe you don't. At the very least, you have not been making
my life any worse, something I can't say about almost anyone else.
 Life has never been easy for me. Growing up with pop... sorry, 'Uncle
Saotome'... constantly moving around, the weird training, like the Cat
Fist, Jusenkyo, all the engagements, all the enemies...
 And now this.
 Everyone tells me I screamed for three hours straight after *it*
happened, before I finally collapsed. I don't remember. I wouldn't be
too surprised if I did.
 Sound strange for me to admit that? Let me tell you a secret. After
Jusenkyo, nearly every nightmare I had was about being trapped in my
cursed form. Po... Uncle Saotome really let into me a few times for
waking up screaming during the weeks it took us to get back to Japan.
 However, none of my nightmares included the uncursed me still being
around.
 And after *it* happened, everything moved so fast. Mom... Auntie
Saotome being called to meet HIM. The week of watching the reunion,
unable to participate. I remember being directly told by you to 'not
rock the boat.' The first time I ever heard you use such direct
language.
 Also the only time I ever felt betrayed by you.
 It was almost a relief when they moved away, back to Auntie's home. I
thought, at least they were gone... even if it broke my heart to know
that I would never be able to call Auntie 'Mom,' I thought, with them
gone, I would at least have a chance to work out my own problems. Right?

 I should have known better.
 They come by practically everyday. And the way HE seems so content...
so at peace...
 I don't think he realizes it, but he's taunting me, shoving in my face
that which I can never have.
 Of course, this is me we're talking about. That was only the tip of the
iceberg. Almost everyone I know treats me completely differently now.
And none of that in a good way.
 Maybe you knew some of this. But the way you always seemed to edit out
the unpleasantness around you, maybe you didn't. To put it in a
nutshell, I no longer have any friends.
 Ukyo? My oldest friend? What about her? She's somewhat frightened of
me. She has basically decided that I'm just 'Ranma's Curse' come to
life. When she isn't bracing herself for me to transform into some form
of demon and attack everybody, she's completely indifferent. The most
complicated thing she's said to me since *it* happened is 'What would
you like on your okonomiyaki?' As if she didn't know. From her, a subtle
hint to get lost.
 Ryoga? At first I thought the old bandanna boy was sympathetic. Maybe
he truly was. Too bad it didn't last past his next fight with Ranma. He
can't defeat Ranma, so he takes out his anger by torturing me. At least
Ranma isn't doing it intentionally, but Ryoga knows just how to get
under my skin. Some friend.
 Everybody at school? I had something of a circle of friends there.
'Had' being the important word there. Did you know I have to go out to
the forested area to eat lunch? If I don't, the guys bug me to no end,
and the girls arrange 'accidents' for me. All the girls see me as some
sort of perverted guy. All the guys care about is that now I'm a girl.
The teachers are uncomfortable by my presence, and take the smallest
excuse to send me away. I've had a few days were, instead of classes, I
would spend the entire day standing out in the hall with buckets of
water.
 The China gang... I had really hoped that Shampoo and Mousse would
still be friends. But now that I'm a girl full time, all Shampoo sees is
the girl who defeated her in combat in front of her village. And by her
laws, I must die. She attacks at least once a day. The only thing
holding her back at all is the concern about what killing me would do to
her in Ranma's eyes. And that's not holding her back much.
 When I was learning the art, I promised myself I would never hit a
girl. I broke that promise nearly a week ago. If I hadn't started
fighting back, I wouldn't be alive now.
 The scary part is, it's getting easier to just beat Shampoo up a bit. I
didn't even think twice about it the last time.
 Mousse? Let me quote something he said the last time we met. "Shampoo
says you must die, and I will do anything for Shampoo." Cologne, at
least she is still visiting her village in china. I don't want to think
of what lengths she will go to help her Great-granddaughter kill me.
 The Kunos? That's a laugh. Those two haven't really changed much
towards me. But I didn't like Kuno groping me before, or Kodachi trying
to poison me. Only now I can't get rid of that part of them by taking a
hot bath.
 And, of course, Happosai is worse than ever. I can barely get him to
leave me alone. He's groped me, latched onto my chest, felt me up, and
touched me in other ways. I've even woken up a couple times with him
fondling my breasts! And since you insist I 'wear the proper attire,' I
also have to worry about him stealing my underwear to!
 You're probably wondering about your family by now. You're probably
thinking that, surely we've helped you.
 You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?
 Your father, on the outside, calls me 'niece' and lets me stay here,
but I can tell that he only sees me as another burden he's got to bear.
To him, I'm still a free-loader, not a member of his family.
 Nabiki, at first I wanted to thank her for forging records and
something of a false past for me. Then I found out she only did it
because pop... Uncle Saotome paid her to do so before Auntie noticed
that I didn't have any. Then I caught her taking more pictures of me,
this time even going for full nudes. It makes me very uncomfortable.
 It's sort of funny, really. Now that I'm stuck like this, I actually
have something resembling 'feminine modesty.'
 It doesn't change the fact that Nabiki barely sees me as a human being.
It's more like I'm a walking cash cow for her to milk for all I'm worth.
She only cares about what I can do for her, and how much money I make or
cost her, not about ME. And I'm sure, if I ever started costing her more
than I made for her, I'd be out on the streets in a flash.
 Akane? I couldn't sort out my feelings for her before. Now, she doesn't
treat me poorly, like just about everybody else, but she also makes no
effort to include me in anything. From someone who is as outgoing and
friendly as she is, this is another of those 'get lost' hints. She's
willing to go to extremes to make a total stranger feel welcome, but is
unable to be a friend to me.
 Face it, Kasumi. You are one of about five people who still treats me
as a human being, and one of only two who treat me as a human being of
any worth. (The other being Dr. Tofu.) And even as I said, I vividly
recall you telling me to just accept being 'Ranko Tendo.'
 That is why I'm doing this.
 By the time you read this letter, I'll be long gone.
 Wait...
 No, I'm not going to kill myself. I've still got things to try before I
give up any hope. But even so, I can't live here anymore. I've cried
myself to sleep the last two nights. Me! The person who isn't supposed
to cry at anything! If I stay here, I'll just fall deeper into this pit
of despair, and then I WILL end up killing myself.
 I want to thank you for everything you've done. For treating me as a
person, for getting me new clothes and explaining how to wear some of it
right, for helping me during my first... you know. (I'll admit, when I
saw the blood, I was scared out of my mind.) And I'm sorry about the
money. I need some things I don't have anymore, like a backpack, camping
equipment, and other supplies. I promise you, when I can, I WILL pay
your family back for the money I took.
 I'll try and contact you again, sometime when I can. I only wish that I
wasn't leaving a place I called home, and the people I thought of as a
family for so long as a house with some acquaintances in it.

-R-a-n-m-a---S-a-o-t-o-m-e-
-R-a-n-k-o---T-e-n-d-o-
Nobody

_-=^=-_

 Why the hell did I write this?
 God, I wish I knew.
 This thing popped into my head after I read some 'Split' type stories,
and I admit, it's something that fascinates me. Even though it's
unfinished, I consider "Two Sides of The Coin" by Benares as one of my
favorites, and a major inspiration for this piece. (I also wish that
Yingyang/Piccolo/whatever he calls himself would get around to doing the
promised finish to "Coins" that he says Benares will let him do.)
 As I said, the idea of Ranma/Ranma-chan split fascinates me. In
addition to this little piece, I'm working on (and put on hold) four
other pieces that involve the split. (Of course, as things look now,
three of those will never be read by anyone outside my immediate
family.) How does the newly made girl handle her situation? How does
everybody else react to her? Frankly, I see many ways it could happen,
and one of them is what I described above.
 Now I'll admit, Ukyo and Akane seem a bit OOC, but I also firmly
believe that they *could* end up reacting like that. Personally, both of
them would be a little afraid of 'Ranko,' and unsure about their
feelings toward her. They would/could develop a "Ignore her and she'll
go away" attitude towards her for a while. And if one or the other were
to do the wrong thing, hostility (like Ukyo showed) would ensue.
 C&C will always be appreciated. Unadulterated praise will be sent on a
quest to find my lost ego. Flames will be used to keep the water hot in
case those on my writing staff with curses (which is all of them, myself
included!) needs it. Please, everybody out there, put "Jason" in the
subject of any response to this. My address (rjdrozd@swbell.net)
services multiple people.

And here is the Mysterious, Disembodied Voice, with the appropriate
disclaimers.

yO! rANMA 1/2 IS THE PROPERTY OF THE ONE AND ONLY rUMIKO tAKAHASHI! iF
THE BOSS HAD ACTUALLY COME UP WITH THESE CHARACTERS, THEY WOULDN'T BE
NEARLY AS GOOD. nO DISRESPECT IS MEANT BY THIS, AND, IN FACT, THIS IS A
FORM OF PRAISE.

bETCHA DIDN'T KNOW THAT, HUH?

 -MDV

Thank you from the Argos, and The Temple at Infinity's End.

Jason; Writer and victim of the Longniichuan, J-ryu
Ai; Genie, Moral Support, and Whip-cracker.
Sean; Editor, World Warrior, and Part-time female.
Kitsune; Fight coordinator, Pre-reader, Token Amazon, and Fox.

Multiple personalities are fun! Everyone should have some!