Things you would never know if you didn't watch TV 


1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange 
noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit 
level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in 
the control tower to talk you down.

4.The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place.
No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel 
to any other part of the building without difficulty.

5.   You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 

6.   Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it
will not be necessary to speak the language.  A German accent will do. 

7.   The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
Paris.

8.   A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating 
but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9.   If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow 
by at least 6 inches.

10.  During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit 
a strip club at least once.

11.  Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames. 

12.. Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man
invulnerable to bullets.

13.  A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of 
a football stadium.

14.  If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him.
Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon. 

15.  Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

16.  Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at 
an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have 
lost this technology.

17.  All single women have a cat.

18. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. 

19.  Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right 
every few moments.

20.  One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them 
all than twenty men firing at one.

21.  Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely 
investigated.

22.  If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by 
frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"

23.  Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially 
if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating
accident.

24.  It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack 
you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you
have knocked out their predecessor.

25.  When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your
room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

26.  Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

27.  Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal 
damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

28.  No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal 
gravity system is never damaged.

29.  If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide 
with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone
lines in the vicinity.

30.  You can always find a chain saw whenever you're likely to need 
one.

31.  Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their 
arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley
systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow 
their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

32.  Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and 
accordions can be played without moving the fingers.

33.  All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large 
red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

34.  It is always possible to park directly outside the building you 
are visiting.

35.  Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, 
just throw the gun away.  You can always buy a new one.

36.  Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

37.  A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended 
from duty.

38.  If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump 
into will know all the steps.