Although the state of Florida has a reputation as
"The GunShine Sate"... packing "heat" around
here is really only easy if you are a CRIMINAL. It's also not
very economical unless you are a Criminal either. If you want to
LEGALLY carry a firearm on your person, it requires a few hundred
dollars, a few months, a few dealings with bureaucrats, a few
signatures, and relatively few incidents of documented mental
illness on your record. If you have a desire to carry a firearm
ILLEGALLY... then all you really have to do is shove one in your
pants and head off to the nearest Quickie Mart or Post Office.
The local Gendarmes also take a rather dim view of anyone
psychotic enough to carry around a gun who is also not an Officer
of the Law. This may have had something to do with my nearly
being gunned down one morning at work. Now, I'm sure you've all
had days like this... You wake up at 5 A.M. and go about your
morning routine, and before you know it, Alarms are blaring and
six or seven Police Officers are pointing semi-automatic handguns
at you while uttering those cool phrases such as "Freeze
DinkBoy".. "Drop and kiss dirt shithead"... or
even.. "Move and you die asshole". I don't know how YOU
handled it, but apparently I didn't handle it all that well.
Maybe I was just really tired.. I'd turned off the alarm hundreds
of times without trouble before... but for some reason it did not
shut off this time.
I think the first mistake I made was failing to identify myself
correctly to the bunged up alarm company lady. She takes her job
pretty seriously, and gets a tad bent if you become annoyed and
say things like "Yes please cancel the POLICE call.. as I'm
having a crappy morning and would probably shoot someone if they
bugged me this early." ( apparently "bite me" is
another thing that you do not want to say)
Mistake number 2.. (or is it 4?).. was actually having a gun on
the premises. I kept it in my desk drawer, and even though I
informed them of the guns whereabouts, the police made another
employee show them the location. This he did with all the
enthusiasm of a condemned man on the long walk to visit "OLD
SPARKY" (it's a Florida thing). Anyway.... I've had enough
dealings with the police to know when to cut my losses and
shut-up. (clever huh?)
It was kinda surreal to hear the angry head-cop calling for my
termination after he was informed that he couldn't really bust me
for anything. He ranted and raved about the possibility of my
going POSTAL some day, impounded the weapon in question, and
drove away.
Don't threaten to kill people just to be funny. Some people may
not get it, it will take MONTHS to get your 38 back, they will
KEEP your bullets, and some dorky cop will carve his initials in
the stainless steel of the barrel. Of course you DO get a really
cool "evidence tag" as a keepsake.
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