+-+-+-+›  Reprinted from XIO3 the GARDEN  CITY›  ACE-CANADA Jul/Aug'93 NEWSLETTER, by›  THE OL'HACKERS AUG, NY, with THANKS.›        THE COMPUTER DICTIONARY›            by GORDON F. HOOPER›› COMPUTER  - The machine which brought› on all your troubles.› DISK DRIVE - The machine you want  to› throw out of the window of a 25 story› bulilding when it doesn't  cooperate.› DISKETTE  - A magnetic storage device› which is useful as a coaster  if  you› bend  it,  touch  it  or expose it to› magnetic fields, liquids or heat.› HARD   DRIVE  -  A  device  for  mass› storage, useful for  BBS  Sysops  and› other masochists.› MONITOR  -  A  crude  television  set› which  dosen't even have the mindless› sitcoms   or   gratuitous   sex  like› network TV, and no dials either!› PRINTER - a contraption which  causes› you  many days of toil before you can› force it to work with your  computer.› PRINTER  RIBBON  -  a  gadget   which› always breaks at 4 am of the day your› 100 page thesis is due.› LASER PRINTER - Costs  more than four› 8 BIT systems.› RAMDISK -A wonderful device imaginary› which allows you  to  lose  hours  of› work simply  by  flicking  a  switch.› JOYSTICK  -  An input device  used to› entertain   people  who  should  find› something better and more  useful  to› do with their lives.› DOCS  -  Instructions  for   software› programs    that   are   written   by› individuals who have no idea  of  how› to communicate  with  normal  people.› MODEM  -  A  device  to  connect your› computer to phone lines that  results› in  bills  of  magnificent proprtions› each and every month.› FILES - Work which has  been  written› to disk using 8 letters as a filename› which are incomprehensible  when  the› time  comes (and it will) to decipher› them.› SWEAR   WORDS   -  Language  required› before   your  computer  system  will› perform properly.› LOCKUPS - God's  revenge  for  taking› his  name  in  vain.› MS DOS - God's  revenge on people who› don't buy Atari  computers.›             [[[End]]]››