t¢ having  come  across  this  poem after¢ CHRISTMAS, I  felt  you  would  get  a¢ chuckle  from   it,   more   than   my¢ prattling on. So here it is:¢¢      POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA¢¢ Twas the night before Xmas and Santa's¢ a wreck,¢      How to live  in  a  world  that's¢ politically correct!¢ His  workers no longer would answer to¢ "Elves," ¢      Vertically challenged  they  were¢ calling themselves;¢ And labor conditions at the North Pole¢ were alleged by the  Union  to  stifle¢ the soul.¢ Four  reindeer  had  vanished, without¢ much propriety,¢      Released  to  the  wilds  by  the¢ Humane Society.¢ And Equal Employment had made it quite¢ clear,¢      That Santa  had  better  not  use¢ just reindeer.¢ So  Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid¢ were replaced with four pigs,¢      And  you know that looked stupid!¢ The runners had been removed from  his¢ sleigh¢      The ruts were termed dangerous by¢ the EPA.¢ And people had started to call for the¢ cops,¢      When  they  heard  sled noises on¢ their rooftops.¢ Secondhand smoke from his pipe had his¢ workers quite frightened;¢      His furtrimed red suit was called¢ "unenlightened!"¢ And to show  you  the  strangeness  of¢ life's ebbs and flows,¢       Rudolph    was    suing     over¢ unauthorized use of his nose!¢ And  had  gone  on Giraldo in front of¢ the nation¢       Demanding  millions  in  overdue¢ compensation.¢ So, half of the  reindeer  were  gone;¢ and his wife, who suddenly said enough¢ of  this  life,  joined  a  self  help¢ group, packed and left in a whiz¢      Demanding, from now on, her title¢ was Ms.!¢ And  as  for  the gifts why he'd ne'er¢ had a notion, ¢      That making a choice could  cause¢ such a commotion!¢ Nothing  of leather, nothing of fur --¢      Which  meant nothing for him! and¢ nothing for her!¢ Nothing that  might  be  construed  to¢ pollute; nothing to aim and nothing to¢ shoot;¢ Nothing that clammered or made lots of¢ noise;  ¢      Nothing  for  just  girls  or for¢ just boys.¢ Nothing  that  claimed  to  be  gender¢ specific; nothing  that's  warlike  or¢ nonpacific.¢ No  candy or sweets, they were bad for¢ the tooth,¢      Nothing that seemed to  embellish¢ a truth.¢ And    fairytales,   while   not   yet¢ forbidden  were like Ken  and  Barbie,¢ better left hidden¢      For  they  raised  the hackles of¢ those psychological  who  claimed  the¢ only GOOD gift was one, ecological.¢ No  baseball,  no  football -- someone¢ could get hurt.¢      Besides, playing  sports  exposed¢ kids to dirt!¢ Dolls  were  said  to  be  sexist  and¢ should be passe¢      And  Nintendo  would   rot   your¢ entire brain away.¢ So    Santa    just    stood    there,¢ dishevelled, perplexed¢      He  just could not figure what to¢ do next.¢ He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,¢      But you've got to be careful with¢ that word today!¢ His sack was quite empty, limp to  the¢ ground¢      Nothing  fully  acceptable was to¢ be found.¢ Something special was needed -- a gift¢ that he might.....¢ Give  to all   without  angering   the¢ Left or the Right.¢ A gift  that  would  satisfy  with  no¢ indecision¢      Each  group  of  people, of every¢ religion,¢ Every  ethnicity, every hue, everyone,¢ everywhere -- even you!¢ So  here  is  that  gift,  it's  price¢ beyond words¢ ¢     "May you and your loved ones enjoy¢ Peace on Earth."¢                 *** ¢ (NOTE:   This  poem  is copyrighted by¢ Harvey Ehrlich, 1992.  It is  free  to¢ distribute,  without  changes, as long¢ as this notice remains intact. (Ed. it¢ was  copied  from  the  late  December¢ issue  of NUACE. A.P.)¢                 <<**>>