Chapter 36
Puck's Dell, Stumblefrith Forest, Wealdshire. Saturday 23 May 1998
While Andrew Starling was in the communal bender explaining to Jaine-Marie that he was going to fetch her mother and brother, Shadow did some thinking. If the Starling family really were in danger from a bunch of crooks or thugs or whatever they were, then it might be unwise for Andrew to go and fetch them. The last thing they wanted at Puck's Dell was a load of gangsters turning up. Given the choice of facing either a bulldozer or an assassin with a gun, Shadow knew which he would prefer. As he racked his brains to think of an alternative way of getting the woman and the boy to the camp, Shadow ambled towards the bender. He stopped thinking and stopped ambling, however, when he heard raised voices coming from the tarpaulin- covered shelter.
'You've gotta be kidding! If you think I'm going to stay here with the great unwashed you've got another think coming. Mum'll go ballistic when you tell her. Can you really imagine her spending more than a minute in this place. Gerard might cope — he'd probably think it fun to watch the antics of the animals — but Mum! You're out of your tree.'
'Finished?'
'Yes.'
'Firstly — these people aren't as bad as you think. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I think they're good people. Secondly — have you thought about what might happen if the three of you are at home all next week? If those people can calmly abduct you outside your school — think what they might do if they catch you at home where there would be no-one to see what they're up to. I don't want to frighten you, Jaine- Marie, but I doubt whether murder is outside their repertoire of dirty deeds. You said one had a gun, didn't you? No-one carries a gun unless they're prepared to use it. And after what you did, they'd probably think that shooting you was too humane. I'm sure they could think of far more interesting ways of dealing with you.'
'So it's all my fault! I'm the one who upset these arseholes in the first place. I'm the one who asked to be kidnapped. I'm the one who should have stayed locked up in a smelly old cottage and carried on piddling and crapping in a pisspot while you and Mum carried on as if nothing had happened. Well, stuff you Father!'
'Jaine-Marie. It's not your fault. I'm the one who's to blame. I admit it freely. One day I'll tell you what it's all about but I can't yet. All I can say is that whatever I've done to cause all this grief, I did it for you, your mother and your brother.'
'Crap!'
'What do you mean?'
'I bet you did it all for yourself, whatever it is. You don't care about us. You never have.'
'That simply isn't true. Of course I care—'
'Crap crap crap crap crap cr—'
Shadow winced as he heard the sound of something hard (presumably the flat of Andrew Starling's hand) striking something soft (undoubtedly the chubby cheek of one Jaine-Marie). There was silence for a moment and then the sound of crying. He leaned forward and cocked his head to hear more clearly. Two people crying. Did I really suggest that Starling should dump his family on us? he asked himself. I must be demented.
Shadow waited for the sounds of sobbing to die away and then approached the opening at the front of the bender. He gave a little cough and bent down to peer in. 'Mr Starling. Could I have a word?'
Starling crept out and looked a little embarrassed as he steered Shadow away from the bender. 'My daughter's a bit upset.'
'Hardly surprising, after what she's been through. First she gets kidnapped — then she's pursued by a villain with a gun — and now, presumably, you've told her she's got to go into hiding with a load of drop-outs who are only slightly higher up the evolutionary scale than liver flukes, tapeworms and dung beetles.'
'I . . . '
'Don't worry. She's distraught. So would I be. Anyway, what I wanted to say to you is that it may not be such a good idea for you to fetch your wife and son. Think about it. If your house is being kept under observation, and they see three of you piling out with suitcases and God-knows-what, they're gonna follow you all the way here.'
Starling bit his lip thoughtfully. 'You're right. Could be dangerous — for them and for you. I don't want you to get any aggro.'
Shadow couldn't resist quipping, 'Hey, does that mean you won't bring in the cherry pickers, mountain climbers, bulldozers and chainsaws?'
Andrew had to grin at that. 'You know what I mean. Have you any suggestions — for getting my family here, I mean?'
'Yeah. Does she have a car?'
Starling lowered his eyebrows. 'Yes — but if she drives here she may be followed.'
'Call your wife. Tell her to get in her car and pretend it won't start. Then she calls a cab and takes it to Kingsbourne. She can do half-an-hour's window shopping so that if anyone's following her they'll not be suspicious. If she makes her way to the bus station, I'll get someone to meet her there. Tell her to wait by the row of phone booths. Have you got all that?'
Andrew Starling repeated the instructions, counting them off on his fingers. 'Car — won't start. Taxi. Window shopping. Bus station. Phone boxes. Okay. Do I need to tell her who to look out for?'
'Uh . . . tricky. Just tell her it'll be an interesting but very good-looking tall, dark girl.'
As Starling took out his mobile phone and punched in his home number, he prayed that Penelope was sufficiently sober to remember the instructions he was about to give her.
Shadow, meanwhile, had gone to look for Pepper.
Millstones, Upper Crompton
Penelope Starling picked up the phone and clamped it to her ear. 'Yes?'
'Penelope — Jaine-Marie is with me. She's safe.'
'Safe? My little girl is safe? But . . . how . . . when—?'
'Just listen. You may be in danger. I'm going to give you some instructions. You must remember them.'
'But—'
'Just listen.'
'Let me speak to my daughter. I mus—'
'Shut up. Listen. Is Gerard there?'
'Yes, but if you want to speak to him, I want to speak to Jaine-Marie.'
'I don't want to speak to him. When you put the phone down, get Gerard. Put your coats on. Go outside and lock the door. Get in the car but pretend it won't start. Go back indoors—'
'I can't do that.'
'Can't do what?'
'Can't get in the car.'
'Why ever not?'
'I had a little drink this afternoon. Only one — but it made me feel a bit woozy.'
'That doesn't matter. You're not going to drive.'
'You just told me to get in the car.'
'I know, but I don't want you to drive it. Just pretend that it won't start.'
'That's silly. I don't want the neighbours thinking my car won't start. It is a BMW after all.'
'Even BMWs go wrong sometimes!'
'But not mine. Mine's new.'
'Penelope. Call Gerard. I need to speak to him.'
'But I want to speak to my littl—'
'Listen you stupid cow! Call Gerard — now!'
Andrew clenched and unclenched his free hand to try to reduce the tension which had built up during the last sixty seconds. He was glad he'd decided to go to his Scorpio to make the call. If he'd stayed at the camp, everyone would know that he was married to a silly cow.
When Gerard finally picked up the phone, Andrew explained what had to be done.
'I'll see you shortly,' he said. 'Everything's okay. Just look after your mother and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid.'
And if you can do that — I can walk on water, he thought.
Kingsbourne Bus Station
Pepper cruised around the outside of the bus station a few times but couldn't find anywhere to park. 'Stuff it,' she muttered. 'It'll have to be double-yellows and hope there are no traffic wardens about.' She slowed down as she approached the entrance and signalled that she was going to stop. She steered the Rainbow van in towards the curb and set the hazard lights flashing. She slid across the passenger seat, opened the passenger door, and jumped down onto the pavement. She checked her watch. If Mrs Starling wasn't there, she'd have to drive round again. Eco-warrior wastes petrol and pollutes the atmosphere to avoid getting parking ticket, she thought. Too bad — sometimes you just have to abandon your principles. She ran through the entrance hall and saw the telephone booths. There was a woman standing there — and a youth. Got ya, Pepper thought.
Penelope Starling was not a happy woman. Not only was she unhappy — she was angry, if not fuming. Her stupid husband had refused to let her speak to her daughter, shouted at her, made her pretend that her beautiful car was only fit for the scrap heap, and now he was making her stand in a bus station as if she was the sort of person who travelled by bus. The humiliation of it all was too much. She glared at her son. He was no better. He was getting more like his father with every passing day. How dare he order his mother around as if she was incapable of following simple instructions. Why wouldn't he tell her what was going on? He said he didn't know, but I bet he does, she thought. To think that a son of mine could grow up to tell lies — to lie to his mother. Wait till I get my hands on that husband of mine. He has some explaining to do. Look at that girl walking towards me. What a sight. Big boots, army trousers, huge belt, leather jacket. And look at the size of those earrings. Good God! She's got a ring in her nose. Probably got them in other places as well. She ought to be locked up. Why's she staring at me?
Penelope Starling turned round and pretended she had to make a phone call. But as she stepped into the phone booth she felt a hand on her shoulder.
'Mrs Starling?' a voice asked politely.
It couldn't be that girl, Penelope thought. Much too refined. She turned back and saw, to her horror, that it was the weirdo. Penelope was speechless. She didn't know any black people and she certainly didn't know this one. 'I think you've made a mistake,' was the first thing that came into her head — but her face said something quite different.
'I'm sorry,' said Pepper. 'I'm looking for a Mrs Starling. I thought you were her.'
The boy spoke. 'She's Mrs Starling — and I'm Gerard Starling.' He didn't see the dagger that his mother hurled at him with her glare.
'Oh good. I'm Pepper. I'm pleased to meet you.' She thought of holding out her hand but had a suspicion that she would be left shaking a handful of air. 'Could you come with me? I'm on double-yellows so we need to be quick. Sorry.'
As Pepper took the lead she rolled her eyes upwards. How are we going to put up with that woman at Puck's Dell? she wondered. We'll be drawing straws to see who has the privilege of garrotting her. Hope it's me. She changed her opinion slightly — but only very slightly — when they left the bus station to find a traffic warden writing a parking ticket beside the Rainbow van.
Penelope stopped in her tracks. She couldn't decide which offended her the most — the vehicle in which she was expected to travel or the horrible little man who was about to issue a parking ticket. She decided that, of the two, only one was something over which she could exert any control. Without another thought she marched up to the traffic warden, tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'That won't be necessary, young man. I have weak heart. The slightest degree of stress and I could be lying here and you would be calling for an ambulance. I have just travelled all the way here from Glasgow by coach and my neighbour's daughter has kindly come to meet me. She had to park here because there are no public car parks sufficiently close to cater for the needs of invalids like myself.' She called to her son. 'Gerard! Help me into the . . . bus. Quickly now. All this fuss over nothing is making me feel quite —'
As Penelope clutched her chest, Gerard and Pepper leapt into action and took an arm each. Very slowly they walked her to the van and helped her in.
When Pepper drove off, the traffic warden was still standing glued to the spot with mouth open wide. She wound down the window and called out, 'I shouldn't stand there. You're on double-yellow lines.'
'Some show, Mrs Starling,' Pepper said. 'You deserve an Oscar for that. Thanks.' She heard Gerard chuckling to himself in the back — but that was all she heard from him during the whole journey.
'Horrible little man,' hissed Penelope. The satisfaction of thwarting the traffic warden, however, was overshadowed by the ignominy of her current situation. Here she was, in full view of every passer-by on the main street of Kingsbourne, travelling in a vehicle which was simply demanding to be stared at.
Pepper had realised some time ago that travelling in the front passenger seat of the Rainbow van might well cause Mrs Starling some distress but, having just witnessed an example of her resourcefulness, she was sure she would be able to devise some strategy to cope with the situation. As she prepared to take a right turn, she looked to the left to check that the road was clear, and took a quick peep at her passenger. She wasn't surprised to see that Mrs Starling was glaring at anyone who dared to look in her direction. Few were brave enough. Pepper decided that Mrs Starling might be a total snob and a pain in the arse, but she certainly knew how to handle herself in tricky situations.
No-one spoke until they reached the outskirts of the city. Then, Penelope Starling looked straight at Pepper and demanded to know their destination.
'I take it you've heard of Puck's Dell?' Pepper asked. Without taking her eyes off the road ahead, she was aware that Mrs Starling's face had lost all its colour. She decided to say nothing more until prompted.
It was a while before she heard, 'You're not joking, are you?'
'No, Mrs Starling, I'm not joking.'
'Is my husband there?'
'He was when I left.'
'What about my daughter?'
'She's there.'
'Is she . . . all right?'
'She looked good.'
'Do you know . . . what happened to her . . . where she's been?'
Pepper reached across and placed a hand on Penelope's. She risked a quick sideways look and, seeing that Mrs Starling was staring intently at her hand, guessed she was thinking that she'd never before been touched by a black person. In fact, Penelope was more concerned about whether her face looked as deathly white as her hand did against Pepper's ebony skin.
Penelope had to ask something. She opened her mouth and searched for the right words. 'My daughter . . . did she . . . did they . . .'
When she felt her hand being squeezed, she prepared to hear the worst.
But when she heard, 'Your daughter was not harmed in any way,' she felt tears of relief forcing their way through her closed eyelids.
Pepper, out of the corner of her eye, saw Penelope turn her head away to look out of the side window. She felt for her. She's not all bad, she decided. She's been through a lot. I wonder how I'd cope in her situation. And I wonder how she's going to cope when she finds out she'll be staying at Puck's Dell for a while.
Puck's Dell
The Penelope Starling who arrived at Puck's Dell was not the Penelope Starling who Andrew and Jaine- Marie had been expecting. She threw her arms around both and cried until the tears were streaming down her face and dripping from her chin. When the tears stopped flowing, Andrew offered her a handkerchief. He waited until she had dried her eyes before saying,'Now for the bad news.'
'Don't tell me,' Penelope managed to laugh, 'You want us to stay here.'
Andrew let out a huge sigh of relief. She hadn't ranted, she hadn't raved, she hadn't beaten his chest with her fists, and she hadn't brought everyone running by screaming her head off. He hoped it wasn't the lull before the storm. 'Do you mean . . . that it's . . . not a big shock?' he asked hesitantly.
'It's a shock all right. A hell of a shock but, on the way here, I sort of worked out what your plan was. I think it's totally mad — but I can see it makes sense. I'll try to cope — although it won't be easy. In fact, I know that it'll be sheer purgatory. The only demand I'm going to make —'
'Is that we don't let anyone find out where you've been when it's all over,' Andrew said. 'Am I right?'
'You know me.'
Andrew gripped his wife's arms and looked into her face. 'I'm going now. I've more than outstayed my welcome here. You'll be in good hands. Whatever you think of these people now, just remember that they're a good bunch. They have their hearts in the right place. I admire the way they've offered to look after the three of you. Just see if you can avoid giving them a hard time. You're their guests. You'll have to fit in with them — so if they insist that you join in their all-night orgies . . .'
'Get away with you,' Penelope laughed as she thumped her husband's arm. 'You go off and stop worrying about us. We'll be all right.'
When Andrew had walked away, deliberately not looking back, Martha McKenzie introduced herself and said, 'We thought you could make yourselves at home in the communal bender. Jaine-Marie can take you there. We've made it as homely as possible for you but, I have to warn you, life in Puck's Dell does lack a few of life's little luxuries.'
Penelope offered a weak smile of gratitude and said, 'We'll be okay. Come on Jaine-Marie — take us to our new home.'