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Since you just spent Valentine's Day moping around the house in your underwear munching on dry cornflakes for the third year in a row, it's probably time to start looking for that special someone to surgically attach to your hip. Even if you're feeling like a total loser, don't fret, it may just be that you have a difficulty being loved by others. (It may also be that you ARE a total loser...)

Fill out the following exam to see if you need a hug or just feel like giving one.

Questions Answers

1. When you asked your dad for a hug, how would he most likely respond?

Don't you have a teddy bear to snuggle with?
What do I look like? F#&$ing Santa Claus?!?
I'm trying to drive here.

2. What would you say if your spouse or significant other asked you, "What are you thinking"?

 But I asked you first. No wait, you did...
Remember that cartoon when the coyote painted a tunnel on the side of the mountain and the roadrunner just ran right through it and then the coyote tried to run through it and this giant moving van just ran over him in this big explosion...it was cool.
Something to tell you about what I'm thinking.

3. Which is your most adorable physical or mental feature?

 Your cute, comforting, crooked smile.
Your caring, warm, sensitive Oedipus complex.
Your wild, rambunctious, out-of-control humerus.

4.Question #4: How sensitive are you to another person's needs?

 As sensitive as a twelve foot anaconda that's being used as a shoelace.
As sensitive as John Rocker and David Duke at a Gay Pride March.
As sensitive as your boss on...well, pick a day....

5. What household pet best describes you're "Cuddlability Quoitent"?

 A gerbil who's choking on a feeding pellet.
A dog who's barfing up some brussel sprouts under the table.
A goldfish who's swirling down the toilet bowl .

 

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Last Updated: 06/01/00
Warm, fuzzy guy: Danny Gallagher
Webmistress: Cathie Walker
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