Cupids Network
SingleSites.com
Singlesstop
The PeopleNet DisAbility DateNet Home
Page
Dating info for people with disabilities.
Incurable Romantix Love Page
A commercial site (i.e., they showcase their own products),
but has much useful info and is well worth a visit.
Dating Advice for Geeks
Brenda gives down to earth advice for the lovelorn. The "Pathetic
Series", about "dates from hell" and
"high school horrors" is, by itself, worth the price of admission.
Dating Advice
Brenda's other dating site.
Personal Ads - 101
Advice and tutorial links on personal ads.
Single's Coach
Nina Atwood, licensed therapist, answers questions and gives exactly the
kind of conventional, no-nonsense advice you would expect from a
professional.
alt.romance FAQ
Collected wisdom from the participants of the alt.romance newsgroup. Some of it
actually is wise, some funny, some a crock.
The Encyclopedia of Mental Health:
Shyness
A somewhat technical essay containing useful tips, plus news about some
clinical methods of dealing with shyness.
Siren's Romance Ring
Singles OnLine Web Ring
Pen Pals
Penpal List Sites
Bonnie's Penpal Directory
The Letter Exchange
PO Box 2930
Santa Rosa, CA 95405
This well-run snailmail-based penpal club has been going strong for
a decade and a half now. Its purpose is long-distance friendship,
not the forging of romantic bonds (though that has been known
to happen). This organization would be highly appropriate for single
males learning to make and sustain conventional friendships with both
men and women. Subscriptions are $22/year for 3 issues. The current
issue costs $9, and a sample back issue is $1. Answering ads is free,
but there is a per word charge for placing them.
Dating Services
Never Too Late
Romance for people over 40.
Single Book Lovers
For lonely readers.
These listings have been included because they fill 'special needs' and
seem reasonably priced. This is not a repudiation of the harsh criticism
levied against for-pay dating services in Chapter
12, nor is it necessarily an endorsement of the products and services
listed.
General Info
A Brief Guide to Social Newsgroups and Mailing Lists
Dave Taylor gives an extensive, if uncritical, rundown of the singles
newsgroups and mailing lists.
Size Acceptance Organizations
(For admirers of fat women)
Karl Finger Folk Enterprises Hupi Rd., Box 933 Monterey, MA 01245-0933 Weekly folk dancing in the New York City area: Dance weekends, trips, and cruises.
Allen, Jeff, Quickstart to Social Dancing, QQS Publications, 1998, ISBN
0-965-44231-4, $19.95.
A gentle introduction to the art of social dancing. Note that the actual
learning experience necessarily still takes place on the dance floor.
Balzac, Splendeurs et Misères des Courtesanes [Scenes From a
Courtesan's Life].
Written by the master of the French romance, this one is available on-line
in an English translation from Project
Gutenberg. Gives a perceptive and humorous view of the intrigues and
amours in the haute monde, not to mention a fine characterization
of one of the most memorable villains in all of literature.
Berman, Morris, The Reenchantment of the World, Bantam Books, 1984, ISBN
0-553-24171-0.
A new, or rather, ancient way of looking at consciousness and reality, and of
our relationship to the world.
Brophy, Brigid, Flesh, 1962.
Heartwarming story of the love of two simple people.
[Out of print]
Burdick, Eugene, The Ninth Wave, Houghton Mifflin Co., 1956.
An astute analysis of human weakness. Deep down, are we all motivated by
just anger and fear?
[out of print]
Byrd, Richard E., Alone, G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1938.
The arctic explorer's classic on the rigors of being alone, of relying fully on one's
self. The definitive antidote to loneliness.
[Out of print]
Cassidy, John and Rimbeaux, Waller: Juggling for the Complete Klutz / With
Block Beanbags,
Klutz Press, 1994, ISBN 0-932-59200-7, $10.95.
Learn juggling, so you can impress people at parties and other social
occasions.
de la Clos, Les Liaisons Dangereuse [Dangerous Liaisons].
One of the earliest of the romantic novels, piercing and wickedly funny.
If you can't get the book, see the movie, starring Glenn Close and John
Malkovitch.
Conway, Flo and Jim Siegelman, Snapping (America's Epidemic of Sudden
Personality Change), Dell, 1979, ISBN 0-440-57970-8.
How terribly vulnerable we are to brainwashing and manipulation.
[Out of print]
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly, FLOW: The Psychology of Optimal
Experience, Harper & Row, 1990.
A new look at that elusive quality, happiness.
Durrell, Lawrence, The Alexandria Quartet (Justine, Balthazar,
Mountolive, Clea), 1957-60,
Penguin, 1991, ISBN 0-140-15317-9 [reissue].
The full spectrum of passion and its messy byproducts. Plot and
counterplot. Exquisite writing.
"Who invented the human heart, I wonder. Tell me, and then show me the place
where he was hanged."
Farmer, Philip José, The Lovers, Ballantine, 1961
[expanded from the original novelette in "Startling Stories", 1952].
A strange twist to a man's love for a woman (?).
[Out of print]
Fowles, John, The Magus, Little, Brown & Co., 1965.
Why modern man is crippled in his capacity for love.
Hesse, Hermann, Narziß und Goldmund (Narcissus and Goldmund), 1930.
Set in medieval Europe, this is the story of two friends. One chooses the
austere life of a scholar, the other the pursuit of passion and sensual
pleasures.
Hesse, Hermann, Steppenwolf, 1927, S. Fischer Verlag AG, (English
translation reissued 1990 by Henry Holt, ISBN 0805012478).
"...the images of many women floated by me with an unearthly
fragrance like moist sea flowers on the surface of the water, women whom
I had loved, desired and sung, whose love I had seldom won and seldom
striven to win."
Hillman, James, The Soul's Code, In Search of Character and Calling,
Random House, 1996, ISBN 0-679-44522-6.
A brilliant meditation on how fate affects our lives, and on how to fulfill our
destiny with dignity.
Hobson, Laura Z., Tea and Sympathy.
Controversial play about the difficult coming-of-age of a boy who is
scorned by his peers for being "unmasculine", and the efforts of a
sympathetic older woman to help him overcome his self-loathing. The
movie version dilutes the effect, despite some excellent performances.
Lanier, Sidney, his poetry, especially "The Marshes of Glynn".
Lawrence, D.H., Women In Love.
Why women love us, and do they really?
Also see the excellent Ken Russell movie, with Glenda Jackson's
memorable performance.
Lefkowitz, Bernard, Our Guys, Univ. Of California Press, 1997, ISBN 0-965-059496.
The depravity of middle-class "jock" culture. Why predatory males are idealized.
LeGuin, Ursula, The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas (short story).
The extravagant price people are willing to pay for the good life.
Mann, Thomas, Joseph and His Brothers [Joseph und seine
Brüder], vol. 3, Alfred A. Knopf, 1938.
The classic tale of female obsession, the mad lust of Potiphar's wife.
[out of print]
Mackay, Charles, Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of
Crowds,
Richard Bentley, 1841 [reprinted in 1932 and after by L.C. Page & Co.].
Still the definitive work on group psychology and mass mania.
Maugham, W. Somerset, Of Human Bondage.
The classic about obsessive love.
McIntosh, J.T., Snow White and the Giants, Avon, 1968.
Otherwise mediocre SF novel that makes fascinating speculations
about "the knack" of getting women to fall hard.
[out of print]
McKenna, Richard, "Hunter, Come Home", novelette (published in A
Century of Great Short Science Fiction, Dell, 1965).
On the meaning of masculinity, courage... and sensitivity and tenderness.
[out of print]
Mumey, Jack and Cynthia Tinsley, Age Difference Relationships: Finding Happiness With an Older or Younger Love, Fairview Press, 1993, ISBN 0-925-19065-9.
Ostrander, Sheila and Lynn Schroeder, Superlearning, Delacorte, 1979, ISBN
0-440-08354-0.
Developing human potential through music.
Pickow, Peter and Jason Shulman, Play Harmonica : Master the Basics
from the Beginning to Advanced Techniques, 1997, Music Sales Corp,
ISBN 0-825-61594-1.
Learn to play this popular instrument, so you will attract favorable attention
at parties.
Rimbaud, Arthur, Le Bateau Ivre (The Drunken Boat), poem.
A delirious fantasy of the senses.
Sheckley, Robert, "The Language of Love", short story, (first
published in Galaxy magazine, 1957).
Obsessing on the mechanics of love leads to a dead end.
Stendhal, The Scarlet and the Black.
Counterpoint to Balzac, and possibly even better. Young man, making
his way in the world, brought down by a grand passion.
Stevens, Wallace, his poetry, especially Thirteen Ways of Looking at a
Blackbird and
The Emperor of Ice Cream.
Sturgeon, Theodore, Baby, It's You (short story).
*
All the failed relationships that ever were, in a nutshell.
Also, see the song of the same title, below.
Sturgeon, Theodore, It Wasn't Syzygy (SF, short story, 1948).
*
On the dangers of defining yourself by the woman you love.
Sturgeon, Theodore, A Saucer of Loneliness (SF, short story, 1953).
*
"There is in certain living souls
A quality of loneliness unspeakable,
So great it must be shared..."
Tolstoy, Leo, Anna Karenina.
Tragic obsessive love of an older woman for a younger man.
Vance, Jack, Green Magic (novelette).
Wizardry, seduction, and the importance of subtlety.
Vizinczey, Stephan, In Praise of Older Women, University of Chicago
Press, 1990 (reprint), ISBN 0-226-85886-7.
A delightful coming-of-age story that captures some essential truths about age
difference relationships.
Wakefield, Dan, Scoring, Doubleday, 1972.
Young Jewish boy on the make learns about life and love, yet still
manages to laugh at himself.
[out of print]
Wilson, Richard, Mother to the World (SF novelette, 1968).
Sweet, low-key "end of the world" relationship between a caring man and
a mildly retarded, but loving woman.
Wouk, Herman, Marjorie Morningstar, Little Brown & Co. (1992 reissue),
ISBN 0-316-95513-2.
"Customs of courtship vary greatly in different times and places,
but the way the thing happens to be done here and now always seems
the only natural way to do it."
Wylie, Philip, The Disappearance, Pocket Books, 1958.
What would happen to men if all the women in the world suddenly
disappeared, and to women without the men?
[out of print]
*
Collected in E Pluribus Unicorn, which, like the rest of Sturgeon's
works, has been out of print for decades. North Atlantic Books is in the
process of reprinting his stories in a proposed 10 volume set.
Film
"American Gigolo" (Paul Schrader, starring Richard Gere)
Ostensibly about the sleazy world of a male "escort", nevertheless gives some insight into what women expect in a dream lover."Annie Hall" (Woody Allen)
Nice Jewish boy meets crazy, mixed-up shiksa."Damage" (Louis Malle)
Unbridled lust wreaks havoc."Jules and Jim" (Truffaut)
Your basic love triangle. Both funny and sad, in a touching sort of way."Le Filou (The Pickpocket)"
You have to find yourself before you can find anyone else. (Robert Bresson)"Marty" (from the play by Paddy Chayefsky)
The classic about love between shy people. A "must see"."Play It Again, Sam" (Woody Allen)
How not to be Humphrey Bogart."Play Misty" (Clint Eastwood)
A woman violently obsessed with the object of her desires. This predecessor to Fatal Attraction easily ranks as Eastwood's finest effort."Room at the Top" (Simone Signoret, Lawrence Harvey)
Upwardly striving guy abandons his true love for a rich girl. From the book by John Braine."Shadowlands" (Anthony Hopkins, Debra Winger)
Shy writer C.S. Lewis and his tragic love for the brash Joy Gresham."A Taste of Honey" (Rita Tushingham)
Tender yearning, not quite love."The Touch [Berörungen]" (Ingmar Bergman)
Obsessive passion destroys a woman's life.
"The Kiss", by Auguste Rodin
Inspiring generations of lovers, this sculpture-in-bronze expresses the
power and the beauty of joining one's heart and soul to another. On
display at the Museé Rodin in Paris, and on-line at J. Watt's
page.
Music
|
Music heard so deeply
That it is not heard at all, But you are the music While the music lasts T.S. Eliot, "The Dry Salvages" |
Franz Biber's "Sonata à Sept"
Hypnotically simple, yet charming.
Charpentier's "Te Deum"
Liturgical, but utterly moving and grandly sensual all the same.
Rameau's "Gavotte and Variations"
One of the two most sensuous harpsichord pieces ever written.
Padre Antonio Soler's "Fandango Suite"
The other one of the two most sensuous harpsichord pieces ever written.
"The Wedge", from J.S. Bach's "Toccata in F"
As played by Virgil Fox at the organ, it will set both you and your
girlfriend on fire, guaranteed.
"Schlummert Ein" (Slumber Soft), from the "Notebook of Anna
Magdalena Bach",
by J.S. Bach, as sung by Elly Ameling, of course.
Finest known example of the art of the lullaby, and wonderful for
singing your love to sleep.
Vivaldi's "Gloria" (RU 589 in D major)
Liturgical music, but uplifting, energizing, even sensual.
Vivaldi's "Nullo in Mundo Pax Sincera"
Achingly beautiful aria.
"Au Fond du Temple Saint"
Duet, as sung by Jussi Björling and Robert Merrill
Goes down like honey.
Karl Orff's "Carmina Burana"
The ultimate in erotic music.
For opera buffs
"Don Giovanni", by Mozart
"Les Histoires d'Hoffmann" (Tales of Hoffmann), by Jacques Offenbach
Music just a bit 'cutesy', but a topical libretto about a shy
scholar pursuing love.
"Liebestod" (Love Death) from "Tristan und Isolde", by Wagner
"Madame Butterfly", by Puccini
"Peleas et Melisande", by Debussy
And for something a bit more modern
"Baby, It's You", by the Shirelles (1961)
"All Over The World", Françoise Hardy (1965)
"Come Softly To Me", The Fleetwoods (1959)
"Then He Kissed Me", The Crystals (1962?)
Joan Baez, singing "Diamonds and Rust"
Judy Collins' masterful renditions of Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne"
and, of course, Buffy St. Marie's "Clouds"
Leonard Cohen's own "Marianne"
"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", Roberta Flack (1972)
Charles Aznavour's "She"
("Elle, peut etre la beauté ou la bete...")
Haunting music and lyrics, composed and sung by one of the best
male singers of the age.
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Information is not knowledge
Knowledge is not wisdom
Wisdom is not truth
Truth is not beauty
Beauty is not love
Love is not music
Music is the best.
Frank Zappa
