Deepening the Relationship
Talk.
Set up lines of communication. Establish a rapport.
| Every revealed nuance, every secret desire, every confession of weakness, every exploration of hope and admission of paralyzing fear strengthens the bond between the two of you, helps you accept the other as a human being, flawed but worthy of acceptance as a trusted and intimate companion. |
Show her
how much you cherish her.
Share
interests, activities, and hobbies.
Develop customs and "traditions"
unique to yourselves as a couple.
Build trust.
Learn how to disagree.
Get to know her family,
and introduce her to your own.
|
Since you are somewhat inexperienced in the realm of man-woman relationships, you will blunder at first, learning by trial and error, making painful mistakes. You force the pace, letting your anxiety and impatience bruise the fragile trust between you. You let personal insecurities drive you to acts of jealousy. You try to change, or "remodel" her. Your strategems to pull her closer, to take possession of her -- drive her away. Sometimes, it seems as if all your efforts are self-defeating... |
Finally, recognize that even a close relationship may go sour. Danger
signs in a failing relationship include lack of respect between
partners, constant bickering, and, most telling of all, power and
domination dramas. If the two of you can no longer make each other
laugh, give each other comfort by a touch, and share intimate moments,
then there is little hope left. If your partner disparages and makes
fun of you, there is not much remaining to hold on to. You can no longer
evade hard choices, and the time has come to consider a graceful exit.
Assuming she gave you her telephone number, a follow-up call in the next day
or two would be in order. As an alternative, consider sending her a note,
accompanied by flowers.
I have no trouble meeting women and making friends with them, but as the
relationship progresses, they inevitably lose interest in me. What am I doing
wrong?
You come on strong at the initial meeting, making a striking first impression. You have built up her expectations at this point. Then, as she gets to know you better, she finds out that there is not all that much beneath the impressive looking exterior. You promise much more than you deliver.
When first meeting a women, hold back in reserve something of yourself. If
"that's all there is", of course you will disappoint her later. Even
more important, develop yourself as a person. Cultivate some interests
and become a deeper person. Keep growing and renewing yourself.
How will I know that she is the one for me?
"Love at first sight" is a verifiable phenomenon, but don't count on it
happening to you. More commonly, it will gradually dawn on the both of
you, during the course of the relationship, that you have a special bond,
and perhaps, just perhaps are meant for each other.
What does she think of when she's with me?
Most likely she has the usual culturally imposed anxieties. Does he
like me? Have I done something wrong? Do I look good? Getting past
that, to the point where you can create ties of friendship and trust,
where you can relax in each other's company - this is what will make or
break your relationship.
How can I be sure she loves me?
You can't.
How can I test her love?
Relationships are based on trust. "Testing" her love violates that trust and
demeans both of you.
I'm very inexperienced in the ways of life and love. What will I do when it
actually comes time to be intimate with a woman?
Making love to a woman, and doing so well and truly, requires only
patience, sensitivity to her needs,
and imagination. It is less a matter of talent than dedication.
Becoming an accomplished lover is a process of learning and
transformation, the work of a lifetime.
"To lovers I [bequeath] their imaginary world, with whatever they may
need, as the stars of the sky, the red, red roses by the wall, the snow of the
hawthorn, the sweet strains of music, or aught else they may desire to figure
to each other the lastingness and beauty of their love."