Questionnaire Questionnaire
Where were you born and raised?
In a hospital and a house, respectively.
What tr Who most influenced you?
Rolf Harris.
What is your most treasured possession?
My treasure.
What makes you laugh?
Comedy, my printer, PCs (they also make me cry).
What is / was your nickname?
'Oy, Tomo, yer fat four-eyed twat!'. It's flash on IRC, for reasons which defy analysis.
If you couldn't have worked in IT, what would you have done?
Not worked in IT, strangely enuff. I don't work in IT anyway, bloody hell you're a crap interviewer.
No I'm not!
Yes you are and you're ugly too. Next question please...
When, where and how did you first come into contact with IT?
When I looked in the cellar and IT was looming there, waiting to eat me.
How would you like to celebrate the millennium?
Eating a Cider-flavoured hybrid Lemon/Grapefruit while reading the RISC OS Programmer's Reference Manuals.
What newspaper headline would you most like to see?
Gillian Anderson pronounces undying love for sad programmer-type called Dave.
What is your greatest triumph ?
Writing such consistently crap programs for so many years.
What was your biggest mistake ?
Falling from a rope slide and breaking my leg.
What's the most dangerous thing that you've ever done?
Fall from a rope.
Who do you most admire and why?
Sir Clive Sinclair - He's just the man.
Who do you least admire and why?
Myself - I'm crap.
What do people most dislike about you?
The fact that I'm a sad twazzock.
What was the last book you read?
The RISC OS 3 Programmer's Reference Manual Volume 5a - quite simply thrilling, with a clever trick-ending.
What is your favourite piece of music?
I like loads of music, so, err, hmm, maybe, When The Levee Breaks by Led Zeppelin, or The Brazillian by Genesis, or Private Investigations by Dire Straits or ...
Which product would you most like to have invented?
The peanut.
In the film of your life, who would you cast as yourself and why?
Alexi Sayle, because he's very nearly weird enough to portray me. Besides, he's a fat bastard like me.
What is the most overrated IT product?
The technician.
What is the most underrated IT product?
Everything from Acorn - it's all brilliant and sadly, underused in business where their systems could easily improve efficiency tenfold. But that's you IT buggers all the way through isn't it, eh? You sit round talking oh-lah-de-dah, Jackson Structured Programming, Flowcharts, I've got a new Porsche but it's all BOLLOCKS really. The only way to program a computer is in assembler, through the eight toggle switches on front panel while LEDs flash at yer, when I were a lad all we had was granite. Granite for breakfast, granite for lunch, granite for tea, DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT LIMESTONE, anyway granite for......
[rant removed]What did your school reports say about you?
Could do better which I tried to disprove with cunning anti-logic.
Any last words?
Erm, Lard, Cheese, Flarp and Wibble, I fink.
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