This week, r3ptile, as he as known in the scene, was named Mr. Universe, by a panel of highly attractive women with big breasts... When asked what he was going to do next, he replied, "I'm going to Disneyland!"

In a related story, a new drug was put on the illegal list, called Crackaine. A drug which for years has been given to attractive women to ensure their breast enlargements wouldn't burst and cause cancer... this drug apparently makes these women extremely dilusional, causing them to see men as much stronger than they really are...

Tguardian, a long time member of the scene, was reportledly sighted at a New York bondage store, and, contrary to previous reports of him being a 4'8" 614 lb. blonde haired female, is actually, a 6'2" 98 lb. male aids/cancer patient with no hair and brown eyes. Tguardian was later spotted at an adult video store in Los Angeles purchasing the popular adult video, "The Kama Sutra With Your Furry Friends." He once again matched the description except this time he was spotted in drag.

Doctors announced today, surrounded by hundreds of reporters and news cameras that Ewheat is not actually deaf, but colorblind. When asked to explain why Ewheat couldnt hear they replied, "Ewheat's brain, concentrating all of its 32 cells on being colorblind, has no power left to control his eardrums, thus leaving him utterly deaf and completely stupid."

Lisa Marie Presley, having recently split from lover Michael Jackson, was now swarmed by press on her opinions regarding his recent descision to have a child.. In tears, Presley confessed, "But there is already a Jackson child, Michael had him years before Iet him." When asked about the whereabouts of this secret Jackson baby she replied, "All I know is his name is The Silent Killer... Michael refers to him as tsk when he talks about him." After saying this she immediately rushed out of the room in tears...

Ewoks, outraged by the continous rape and mistreatment by Enigmatic, set out to Washington D.C., trying to get a law passed prohibiting human/puppet relations.. Sarkazulu, as he is known as now, was outraged by this, saying simply "I have sex with my puppets every day, and they never fucking complain!"

Our sources tell us that some people tried to make a channel for requests only to keep ansi beggers out of #ansi. The channel was called #requests but lacked support so it died a quick death.

Finally, in this weeks episode of ER, George Clooney was on the computer. If you looked real close, he was talking on irc under the nick of thclOne, proving that thclOne is actually, george clooney..