Fools' Ebony, Part the ThreethFrinchepsnaughtyèÒ) HzøÞË> „ Œï‹÷ÍN}å,"h$²&*v,~.­0Õ2ùýFools' Ebony,ýPart theýThreethùöý Dramatis Personae Prologue The Adventurer, A Dark Elf Rascal Komon, A Priestof Akatosh Lheban, Another Priest of Akatosh Epilogue Stete, APriest of Julianos Raic, Another Priest of Julianos Shub, AMage Shub, A Different Mage of the Same Name Nephron, ASomewhat Sleazy Merchant 5 Armorers Ortho Crunn, Husband ofMillie A Lusty Contessa Millie, Innkeep and PhilosopherGurnsey, Bovine Wench Assorted Wenches and Cads of theTaverns Soldiers Dwarves Giants Part The Threeth - In The Mages' Guild, One toThree Days Later (Enter Prologue) Prologue: We are now at the halfway point of oföour disjointed epic. If you areû just arriving, you have missedû little. The Adventurer, our rogueû Dark Elf, has joined with aû quadripartite (that's a triumvirateû plus one) of priests intent onû discovering a burning metal calledû Fools' Ebony and becoming wealthy.û The priests have given our heroû some gold for bribing merchants,û but the only people who know whereû the Fools' Ebony is are the magesöû of the Mages' Guild. As the Epilogueû pointed out at the end of Part theû Twoth, there is no such thing asû Fools' Ebony and real Ebony is notû mined. Something our playwriteû apparently did not research. Well,û accept it as high fantasy, if youû will. Or whatever. Hark, hereû comes our hero now. Imagine theû miasma (if that's the word I want)û of magical elixirs, bubblingû cauldrons, hovering balls oföû sparkling whatnot. And now, theû Prologue must depart. (Enter the Adventurer and Shub) Adventurer: Ho! Anyone around? Shub: Over here, young man, in the corner ... Adventurer: Morning. Do I call you ... Shub ..? Shub: Oh yes, Shub is my name, Shub it is ... Howon Tamriel did youû know? Adventurer: Can we have some ... privacy ... I havea somewhat ... er ... delicate matter to discuss..? Shub: No need for privacy here! We Mages do nothide anything! Adventurer: Fools' Ebony?ö Shub: Quick through this door ..! Turn right ...û Turn left ... Ah ... just let me throw aprivacyû spell around us ... (Loud zap sounds) (Enter Shub) Good! Now Sir -- Oh, by the way, meetû my fellow Mage, Shub. Shub: Mmmm. Shub: Now, you mentioned Fools' Ebony ..? Adventurer: Well, I fancy myself a bit of an expert in ebony. Had quite a bit comeû and go through my hands in my time, I have ... Shub: We notice that you have an ebony amulet,öand an ebony katana -- Ofû Lightning, no less! And an ebonyû belt ...û ...mmmm... Adventurer: Hands off the toys, gentlemen, please! Shub: Forgive us -- but we so appreciate suchfine items ... Shub: ... collect them too ... Adventurer: Well, the other day, just by chance ofcourse, I just happened to hearû two priests of the Temple of ... erû ... Stendarr, I think it was ... Theyû were a bit high in their cups, Iöû think, a bit loud, and never noticedû me skulking -- I mean, standing --û there. They were going on about thisû Fools' Ebony - stuff like the real thing, onlyno magicka at all. None. But it burns like wood,only longer,û hotter, no smoke, nice even heat. Shub: Yes ... we have heard similar rumors. Seena bit of that stuff -- lumpsû from a sack or two that some crazed delverdragged up, that kind of thing.û Right, Shub? Shub: Oh - Oh yes, right, that kind of thing ...right ...öû (aside)û I must remember to keep the secret,û whatever it is. Adventurer: Well, these fool priests seemed to talkas if they knew a location for lots, I mean piles,of that stuff --û somewhere up in the Wrothgarians ... Shub and Shub (Together): Where! Who! Did they say? How?When? Where? Shub: You didn't let them know youwere listening, did you? Adventurer: Of course not! What do you take me for, a priest lover? Shub: Calm yourself, my lord ... that's better...just don't go fiddling withû that katana so much. Makes us nervous.ö Shub: Yes, nervous, very ... Shub: Here, sit down. There. Want some mulledwine? No? Oh well, just have to finish itû myself. Shub: So they seemed to know the location. (aside) Hmmmm. This means we have to act fast,û quickly, speedily, and with greatû rapidity. Adventurer: Oh yes! They were talking like they weregoing to get a load in a fewû weeks or so ... Shub: Oh My! Oh Dear Me! Ohhh... Shub: Now then. Seems you know a fair amount about this Fools' Ebony. And youöû realize the potential -- just think,û big warm fires in all our study rooms ... Shub and Shub (Together): ... Selling it to the Palace...selling it to those stupid Alchemists ... theû Armorer's Guild would be good for a lot ... ... keep out familiars nice and warm ... ... and ourposteriors ..! ... just thinkû how Daedra Seducers love a nice warmû fire ... Giving smoldering lumps to theû peasants to warm their hovels with -- inû return for some gold, of course ... Shub: ...just think of all that gold... Shub: Trouble is, son - we would like to get that stuff by the cartload, bring it down here ...ö Shub: Have some trustworthy merchant ... Shub: Put a spell on him! Shub: ... Have some merchant act as sort of, middleman, for us ...û Adventurer: But ... then why the delay, gentlemen? Shub: You seem like an honest fellow. We'll tell you -- mind you, you let out a wordû of this, and there will be a Fire Daedraû in your bed ... but no threats betweenû gentlemen, right! Adventurer: Very well -- I shall be the very soul ofdiscretion. Shub: You see, we know where the stuff it, cartloads and cartloads of it. But weöû can't get there and back ... Shub: We are not the outdoorsy types. Shub: Far safer here in town. Shub: Much warmer too. Shub: Think of all the supplies we would have totake. Shub: All those nasty things out there. Shub: Did you know that seducers won't come to usin the wilderness? Shub: We'd have to hire guards, to keep thoseawful priests away. Shub: And the strain of dealing with all thosecoarse types ... theû Merchants.ö Shub: The Armorers. Shub: The Royals. Adventurer: Mmm. I think I comprehend. You want some -- experienced explorer-hero type,û someone used to the wilderness -- to go get itfor you, set up a supply line,û so on ..? Shub: Exactly. And find us a nice, useable merchant. Someone we can control. Shub: With a big, big warehouse, delivery service, that kind of thing ... Adventurer: Well, gentlemen. Let me volunteer my services! I have always admired you Mageû gentlemen -- so clever, so sharp. Noöû fooling you in anything, is there? Shub: No, no fooling us ... (Enter Prologue) Prologue: This, ladies and gentlemen, is irony. (Exit Prologue) Adventurer: Tell you what, I canprobably arrange a suitable merchant or you. Takesomeû gold though -- those thieves know the value of agold piece! As luck wouldû have it, my last gold was swindled off me by athieving priest, in someû little town south of here. And I lostû a lot of good stuff in a shipwreckû just before that ...ö Shub: Well ... since you have agreed to help us... we can spare some goldû from the treasury, can't we, Shub? Shub: Oh! Oh yes, lots there ... always make more... Adventurer: Now, I do need to know roughly where thissite is, got to pick the rightû breed of horse, calculate my suppliesû to the last drop, figure out whatû weapons I might need ... supplies,û like food, little things like thatû ... diameter of the cart wheels inû square yurts ... ambush points foröû the priests, in case they try to getû up there ... mmmmm ... Shub: Tell you what - here is 500 gold. Go getthings started. Shub: Yes ... we can always make some more. Shub: (aside, to Shub) Shut up! (Shub fires a spell at Shub that burns him to a cinder andthen reconstitutes him) (to all) Excuse us ... where was I ... Oh ... get a merchant, guards, carts, whateverû you think it will take. Come back ifû you need more. Shub: But what about those priests?ö Adventurer: I've an idea or two there. Let me getfriendly with them - maybe hire a couple of goodlamppost girls, lay in a few cases of holy wine ...I'll have them eating out of my hand in notime. And if you show me where this Fools' Ebony is... why, I can misdirect them, send them straightû into an trolls' den or something. Shub: You're the expert! Here, let me show you ona map ... and I don't need toû mention Fire Daedras, do I? Adventurer: So ... seems to be ... hmmmm ... only thirty days there, this time of year. Maybe fortyback, with the loads. Letû me study this a bit more ... Shub: Can't take it with you, of course ... don'twant this getting out now ...ö Adventurer: Oh no. That's fine. Look, let me have abit more gold. Going to needû some heavy-duty carts. See here, this section... cut by all these washesû ... hmmmm ... the flummox there willû be something terrible ... Oh, and these ruins,full of ghosts, I betû ... hmmmm ... and this pass, just fullû of willies too ... Shub: If you say so ... My, seems that we pickedthe right man, right, Shub! Shub: Oh yes, indeed. Adventurer: So -- why don't I make arrangements, getback to you in ... er ... say aöû week? Say -- sure that you don't want toû come with me. After all, there'sû nothing like the wilderness life.û Waking up with the sun, shaking offû the frost. Catching an orc for breakfast - everhave orc gutsû fried over stinkwood? Oh, that's aû treat! Checking each stream forû dead giant spiders - or live ones!û Imp jerky for lunch! Scanning theû ridges for dragonlings! Standingû guard against Ice Daedra in aöû blinding snowstorm! Oh, what a life! Shub and Shub (Together): No, no ... we, we better stay here at the Guild. Got our duties afterû all ... someones got to mind theû store ... someones got to get theû word out to selected customers ... No, thankyou kind Sir, it doesû sound such a lovely life, but Iû think we best be here ... yes,û indeed ... Adventurer: A pity, gentlemen. Well, I'll be about it then. And don't worry ifû you see me with those priests --öû got to mislead and misdirect them,û haven't I! Shub: One week, then! (Exeunt Shub, the Adventurer, and Shub) (Enter Epilogue) Epilogue: Shub and Shub, ladies and gentlemen. Implausibly retarded mages, yes, but û perhaps there'ssomething more toû them than this act suggests. Do youû think so, maybe? Well, if you areû not in the theater for Part theû Fourth, you won't know for certain,û will you? Don't forget to tip yourû wenches and think on that while weöû change the set. So Endeth Part the Three ö