thoughts ... um...

We'd like to welcome the lovely & talented Michelle Argabrite to the C*E*A stage. Let's all give her a big hand!

new thoughts!

Microsoft Support Site Error #14,583.2: "Due to malformed syntax, the request could not be understood by the server. The client should not repeat the request without modifications." Moral: Just because Microsoft won't give you access to their HTML code does not mean you should alternately attempt modifications with a five iron.

Some days Calgon just doesn't take me far enough away.
I made the mistake of agreeing with my son that the dog food looks like Cocoa Puffs, which compelled him to learn the "looks can be deceiving" lesson the hard way. I must admit though, that the dog food company was right on about the freshens breath thing.
Life would be great if it weren't for people.
There's a new ice cream truck in the neighborhood ... or so I thought ... until the ice cream guy turned on the music maker and it played, "I Had A Little Chickie". Hey, I like hard boiled eggs as much as the next person, but all the kids just stood at the edge of their yards staring in horror.
If you think merging into traffic is tough from an on-ramp, you should try it from the median.
I stayed up last night contemplating the meaning of Lief. Did he really have talent or was he just another Shawn Cassidy wannabe??
I think my favorite thing in the house has to be the cat ... mainly because she's just like a big piece of noisy Velcro when you toss her at the sofa.
There I was, at rush hour, flying along the far left lane in a string of traffic all doing 80mph, when suddenly the lady in front of me slammed on her brakes all becuse she waited too long to cross the 5 lanes of bumper-to-bumper traffic to get to her exit which is now a mere 500 feet away. I could not have picked a worse day to forget the rocket launcher.
Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble when I can kick all the guys' butts in my Tae Kwon Do class.
With all the foods they're adding calcium to these days, if I ever get osteoporosis, it'll be a miracle.
I think instead of crying in beer, people should cry in milk. That way, if they spill it they have another reason to cry, and it creates that long coveted photo opportunity for milk bubbles out the nose.
My mind is like an open book. Hooked on Phonics to be exact.
There's not an alcohol in existence that grows hair on your tongue overnight any better than two Tums at bedtime.
I can't wait for pigs to fly like everyone keeps talking about, because at least that way I know I'd get a decent meal.
I found a bug in Windows 98 and Bill Gates thinks he's *sooo* smart, er no, wait....what he really thinks is that he's *soooo* rich....in which case he would be right, so I guess I don't have a point anymore.
I don't know that the new male pattern baldness pill is such a good idea. I really don't think I could date a man with hair growing from the roof of his mouth.
By a show of hands, how many people can't help but think of Morgan Freeman as that weird dude from The Electric Company no matter what you see him in??
If I had a dime for every time my mother said: "You're an adult. You need to run your own life.", well then by God, I'd have a dime!
Someone once said, "I could fill a book with what I don't know." I think that statement is really true. I mean, look at Sigmund Freud....after reading his book it became quite obvious that he knew next to *nothing* about cigars.
Ditto for Monica Lewinsky's book when it gets published.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with an ATM machine.
Bob "Gilligan" Denver was arrested at his West Virginia home by the State Police a few months ago for receiving a controlled substance - marijuana, which was being shipped from Colorado. Ok now, everybody knows that West Virginia is like the 3rd largest marijuana grower in the nation, right?? The lesson to be learned here is one that has been preached at some point by everyone's parents: Buy local.
My cat thinks it's a dog, but I believe at times she truly questions it ... like when the toilet lid comes back down and just knocks her completely into the bowl.
When something really upsets most people, they threaten to sue. Not me. I have found that "I curse you to die celibate" gives much better results ... because, like who keeps a witch doctor on retainer??
A bird in the hand is worth nothing ... unless it happens to be a Spotted Owl. Then I bet you could sell it to an animal rights group for a pretty tidy sum.
It's ok to talk to yourself and it's even ok to answer yourself. It's when you start going, "Huh? What did you say?", that the men with the snug fitting white coats show up.
You know what would be cool? If a guy who just robbed a bank came running up the street and just gave you all the money. That way, you could turn it in and get the reward then you wouldn't have to use the ATM for, like, a week.
Winter in the Appalachian Mountains usually consisted of about 4 feet of snow, 0 degree temperatures and someone inevitably asking the question: "Is it cold enough for you?". To which I would reply, "Come here and stick your tongue on this snow shovel, then ask me that again."
Why do fools fall in love?? To reproduce and outnumber us.
How many roads must a man go down before he will stop and ask for directions?!!?
You know why so many kids are on dope? I'll tell you why. It's because you gotta be stoned to enjoy some of the crap they call music these days.
I read where Chrysler paid an exorbitant sum to Kenworth to modify their front end for use in its truck line. I don't know why, because I have almost had Kenworth's front end as a part of my car on many occasions for absolutely free.
Spectacular display my foot!! I say that even if they manage, at the last minute, to keep that asteroid from hitting the earth, we are all going to need clean underwear.
I'm gonna call Barbra Streisand and talk to her about doing a duet with me. I figure if she'll sing with Bryan Adams and Celine Dion, she'll sing with anybody.
The most common piece of advice my friends with new babies ask me for is "What is the best way to get a baby to sleep?" Answer: Rock them to sleep with a real rock.
Ask not what you can do for your country, because President Clinton is all to happy to show you.
My single friends kept asking me to fix them up with a "nice" guy, so I did ... and all I got for my troubles was bitter complaining. I figure it's their own fault though, because if what they really wanted was "nice AND a full set of teeth", they should have told me that in the first place.
Why do men ask women for help in picking out their clothes? Because Garanimals don't come in adult sizes.
What's the point of getting married if you can't double your wardrobe????
The only problem I've got with having flying dreams is that there never seems to be an airport tower that can talk me in for a safe landing.
Note for the ladies in the audience: "Bite Me!" is not near the insult your mind believes it's going to be.
Corollary to note for the ladies in the audience: I can tell you in advance that later saying "Bite Me!!" to a cop, now thinking it isn't an insult, will not only get you the original desired effect, but will also get you a non-refusable offer for a ride in said policeman's car.