I recently had the opportunity to be a Judge in the Seattle Times Best of the Web competition. Grading over 100 sites in various categories offered me a chance to see what's out there other than humour sites, and some of the nominees for General Web Excellence were downright awe-inspiring.

One site in particular stood out, though, and not just for the design aspect. It was a men's underwear site, and I saw something there that amused me to no end. I won't give you the URL since this is a family site, and God forbid you all rush there to inspect the thong department. (Which, I assure you, is very well designed -- every single page of it. And I should know, being a Judge.)

In the "activewear" section our model Mario, who has obviously been working out more in the past week than I have in my entire life, is wearing something that can only be described as a red spandex baggie with suspenders and a thong back. For $27.50 US plus shipping and handling, you too can be the proud owner of this wardrobe essential, which also comes in black, perfect for formal wear. Just add a bowtie and cummerbund.

I couldn't help but wonder just how the designer came up with this idea. Perhaps it was after a 3-martini lunch, or one too many lattes, when they eyed a sandwich bag and a couple of elastic bands on their desk, and thought, "Hey! I can make an article of clothing out of this that will make me look like a complete idiot!".

They cut, stapled and duct-taped, tried on their creation, then excitedly pranced out to show off to their fellow designers, who were clad in outfits made from courier envelopes and AOL disks. A hush fell over the room as they realized they had a hit on their hands, then it was gently suggested to the designer that he could use a bikini wax.

Perhaps it was designed by a woman, though; one who really hates men and thought it would be a great joke on the opposite sex. She imagined The Average Joe purchasing this slingshotlike item expecting to look like Mario in it, having an entire wardrobe herself of lingerie that made her look more like Frederick himself than his Hollywood models.

Pencil in hand, she laughed evilly to herself as she envisioned the suspenders being stretched across a pasty white beer gut or getting caught in chest hair, and of the thong-back giving men a sample of what butt floss really felt like.

Now don't get me wrong, browsing through this online version of Victor's Secret was a fun diversion, but I prefer huggable men in soft sweaters and faded jeans rather than headless and hairless pectorally-enhanced ones. I must be getting old, but I couldn't help but picture Mario in a denim shirt and tight levis, and wonder whether he could code a page of HTML. Somehow I doubt it.

I'm curious to know just who buys this sort of thing. If you're sitting in front of your monitor wearing this particular item, please drop me a line and tell me what you think of it. No pictures, please. Really. And put on a sweater; you'll catch a chill.

Last Updated: 06/01/00
WebMistress: Cathie Walker
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