It's like trying to light a match in the rain 
Trying to find a way to explain
I came to meet the face that graced my cable TV
I'm his biggest fan, 'like this, him and me

Has he gone out, is he in a meeting
I know that you can't tell me for security reasons

But, Mister, tell me are you one of the Saints
Hey, maybe I could take a number and wait

Well, I talk to Jesus, you don't believe me
I talk to Jesus, I know he hears me
And I talk, talk, talk, I talk to Jesus

See, I've got a picture of us here in my wallet
I'd really like to show you...Oh, I must have forgot it
But, I've got this bracelet, I've got this ID
That the people down at county gave me

I know you think I'm special, hear it all the time
You don't have to V.I.P. me, I'm a regular guy
I'd really like to sit and talk sometimes
But, I'm taping Sally Jesse at five

I talk to Jesus, you don't believe me
I talk to Jesus, I know he hears me
I talk to Jesus and Elvis Presley
I talk to Jesus, the king can save me
I talk, talk, talk, I talk to Jesus

Have you seen the papers today
If I could, I'd get down and pray
Tell me if the shepherds on the way

You know Elvis Presley talks to me
Through my school teacher
Jon Lennon moved in down the street 
He bought the pizzeria

And aliens control our lives
And when we speak, they're in our minds
And Heather Locklear is my wife
And, Man ain't I a lucky guy
Why? Cause.

I talk to Jesus, you don't believe me
I talk to Jesus, I know he hears me
I talk to Jesus and Elvis Presley
I talk to Jesus, the king can save me
I talk, talk, talk, I talk to Jesus
I talk to Jesus, I talk to Jesus 
I talk to Jesus, I talk to Jesus