Now gather folks and lend an ear, I
tell you I'm just pickled tink to be here.
I came across on a Concord jet, a trip two
old ladies would never forget.
They said to the guy with the captain's hat,
"Don't fly faster than sound because we want to chat." This gal at the
airport security said she'd have to search me thoroughly. "Why that's an
insult," my manager reckons, but I didn't care, I went back for seconds.
I went to this cafe and I had lobsters, oysters, soup of the day. The waitress
brought me fries and steak and apple pie and chocolate cake. "What'll I
wash it down with, Miss?" I calls, she says, "How about Niagara Falls."
I tell this big guy the name of my hotel, I
said, "What's the quickest way to get there, pal?" He said, "You take the
subway to Washington Square, Washington Square you're almost there." Well
on the subway I can see, folk 'round here love poetry. There's "I think
married life is grand, it's just my husband that I can't stand." And he
who laughs when things go wrong has just thought of someone he can blame
it on. It's on the ceiling and it's on the floors, "I upped my income--up
yours!"
Now there was a gal sitting next to me on the
train with a figure that would drive a man insane. I says, "I'm a stranger
around here, Miss, could you direct me to where your house is?" We got
off at Union Street and her apartment was cool and neat. She slipped off
my jacket as we walked in, she said, "Kick off your shoes, pour me a gin."
I started to pour, I said, "You will say when," she said, "Right after
I finish that gin."
Now by time I poured myself a beer she had
changed into something cool and sheer. She stood real close and she smelled
divine, and as she pressed her soft, red lips to mine, I heard a knock,
I heard a roar, she said, "That's my husband at the door." I said, "I'll
jump out the window, he sounds vicious," she said, "We're thirteen floors
up," I said, "I'm not superstitious."
The door burst open and in he came, I hid my
face in fear and shame.
I turned my back as I buttoned my shirt and
I prayed to God I wouldn't get hurt. I turned and nervously opened one
eye and I was face to face with this huge guy. Then I heard his voice cut
through the air, he said, "I thought I told you to get off at Washington
Square."
So let me shout it loud and clear, I'm glad
to be alive and I'm glad to be here.
Oh yeah!
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