A shy young maid has took a room down at the
village inn,
Her bedside light is oh so bright and the
curtains oh so thin.
At nine o'clock she enters her room, at half
past nine she sleeps,
Lord Clarendon walks quickly on but naughty
Samuel peeps.
For we know it's right, it's in black and white,
And it's all written down in his diary.
I went to rent a lady's house, she handed me
the key,
She said, "It's to be let as it stands with
all that you can see."
'And are you to be let with the house?" said
I in a very saucy tone,
She said, "I'm not to be let with the house,
I'm to be let alone."
For we know it's right, it's in black and
white,
And it's all written down in his diary.
Squire Pit locked his wife in her chastity
belt then climbed up on his horse,
He left the key with the footman lest he was
killed in the wars.
He'd not gone far when up ran the footman
shouting breathlessly,
He said, "Squire Pit, this key doesn't fit,"
and he said, "You're telling me."
For we know it's right, it's in black and white,
And it's all written down in his diary.
Half way up a wall outside a castle in Tranmere,
There is a sign that reads, 'The Duke of Denby
was born here."
I've travelled far and I've travelled wide
but ne'er can I recall,
Ever hearing of a duke born half way up a
wall.
For we know it's right, it's in black and white,
And it's all written down in his diary.
Last Thursday morn my wife gave birth to a
lovely baby boy,
As the doctor took me to see them, my heart
was filled with joy.
When he said, "He's got your husband's nose,"
my wife looked quite surprised, She
said, "That may be, but you must agree, he's got his father's eyes."
For we know it's right, it's in black and white,
And it's all written down in his diary.
Yes we know it's right, it's in black and white,
And it's all written down in his diary.
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