You could hear the hoof beats pound as they
raced across the ground,
And the clatter of the wheels as they spun
'round and 'round.
And he galloped into market street, his badge
upon his chest,
His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest
milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue,
She lived all alone in Lily Lane at number
22.
They said she was too good for him, she was
haughty, proud and chic,
But Ernie got his coco there three times every
week.
They called him Ernie, Ernie, and he drove
the fastest milk cart in the west.
She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said,
"All right, sweetheart,"
And when he'd finished work one night he loaded
up the cart.
He said, "D'you want it pasturized?
'Cause pasturized is best"
She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes
up to my chest."
That tickled old Ernie, Ernie, and he drove
the fastest milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man,
Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he
drove the baker's van.
He tempted her with his treacle tarts and
his tasty oatmeal bread,
And when she seen the size of his hot meat
pies it very near turned her head.
She nearly swooned at his macaroons and he
said, "If you treat me right,
You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets
every night."
He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd
have his wicked way,
And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk
a day.
Poor Ernie, Ernie, and he drove the fastest
milk cart in the west.
One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart
outside her door,
It drove him mad to find it was still there
at half past four.
And as he lept down from his van hot blood
through his veins did course,
And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't
half kick his horse.
Whose name was Trigger, Trigger, and he pulled
the fastest milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold
top in his hand,
He said, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll
fight for her like a man."
"Oh why don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly
replied,
"And just to make it interesting we'll have
a shilling on the side."
Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath
the blazing sun,
They stood there face to face, and Ted went
for his bun.
But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go
the way Ted planned,
And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it
spinning from his hand.
Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep
them apart,
And Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock
cake caught him underneath his heart. And
he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust,
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye
and Ernie bit the dust.
Poor Ernie, Ernie, and he drove the fastest
milk cart in the west.
Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die,
And now he's gone to make deliveries in that
milk round in the sky.
Where the customers are angels and ferocious
dogs are banned,
And the milkman's life is full of fun in that
fairy, dairy land.
But a woman's needs are many fold and soon
she married Ted,
But strange things happened on their wedding
night as they lay in their bed.
Was that the trees a-rustling? Or the
hinges of the gate?
Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in
their crate?
They won't forget Ernie, Ernie, and he drove
the fastest milk cart in the west. |