Last uploaded: October 15, 1998

Shoot Him in the Streets Like the Rabid Dog He Is

Hey everybody--palabra to the matriarch!  It's Widge here, lashed to the mainmast with ropes, trying to maintain control of the ship, Surge in one hand, box of Twinkies in the other, wondering why the wheel has broken off before my eyes, overly-caffeinated and ready to pop.  So forgive me if we jump all over the map this time...I'm wired for sound and ready to take it out on...you, and everyone within five city blocks.  Because that's just the way I am.  Raving and drooling, that's me.  Well, we got a telegram from Pat and Mrs. Pat the other day that they're on their way back from Grand Fenwick.  They had a great time, got a little sunburnt, but we're glad they'll be here soon.  Deadpool keeps mumbling something under his breath and his eyes look wild.  "Danner" or something like that...and he keeps talking about going to some party.  I dunno but I'm glad I'll get to go home soon.  Since this is my last Director's Cut before they put me back in the asylum until the next time Dirk Benedict breaks me out, we're going to go balls to the wall batshit whacko until something falls on me.  I'm going to give you the ten things that go through my mind while I'm working at two in the morning as the rest of the world (or at least the part in my time zone) sleeps blissfully, unaware of the insanity that's out there in the streets!  You up for it?  Sure you are.  Okay, hang tight.  It's gonna get looney.

#1  Now Jon Peters was talking about a Superman/Batman live action movie?  Please--let's crawl before we sprint, shall we?  Let's try to do a really good movie
with one hero before we go to two, huh?  I can see it now--"Hmmm.  The multiple villain thing isn't working.  I know!  Let's take both these dysfunctional scripts and merge them into one!  Two movies in one!  They gotta love that."  Please.  Just stop the insanity.

#2  Am I the only one who's noticed that most of the major contenders for Oscars haven't even come out yet?  And I think forty-five of them are being released Xmas Day.  Yeah, I know that people can't remember what they had for dinner last week, much less a good film like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, which was released early this year, but come on!  It's going to get to the point that all the good stuff comes out in December and we'll be left with eleven months of Pauly Shore movies!  Saints preserve us!

#3  No offense to Lord Mouse, but wouldn't it be hilarious if Prince of Egypt did win Best Picture?  DreamWorks' first animated film (not including Antz, which was computer-animation) wins the coveted award Disney's been drooling after for years?  Don't you think Eisner would go apeshit while Katzenberg just laughed his ass off?  Just a thought.

#4  Thanks to Hollyfeld and Kagemusha for pointing out that the Kevin Smith Superman Lives script is sitting over in Drew's Script-o-Rama.  I haven't had a chance to peruse it, but believe me, I will.

#5  It's financially profitable to reissue classic movies!  Who other than the movie studios is surprised?  Please raise your hands.  Everything from Wizard of Oz to Hard Day's Night is coming back out with more on the way.  Keep 'em coming, I say.

#6  Am I the only one running a betting pool as to when the new "teen slasher horror craze" will burn itself out again?  I mean, the first Scream movie was really really good but what have we seen since then?  Sigh.   There's already rumors flying about Scream 4 and I'm sure Dammit, I'll Never Forget What You Did Last Summer is in the works somewhere.

#7  You wanna hear something really scary?  I saw the latest Psycho trailer and...well, I'm disturbed to say this, but I like it.  It's kinda like Adrian Lyne and David Lynch went out, had one too many drinks, then came back, discussing the Psycho film and how they could make it cool.  I'm hoping that they change up that film.  As for a film that's nothing but a shot-by-shot do-over, my thoughts on that are the same as I put on a flyer for my band during my short-lived musical career, while we were angry at cover bands: "Because if you wanted cover music, you would have stayed home and listened to your CD collection."  Gus, don't let me down.

#8  I used to think everybody would at some point in their lifetime be a guitarist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  If things continue the way they have been, I expect everybody at some point will be mentioned as a possibility to play Batman.  In fact, I'm surprised about two things.  First, I'm surprised I haven't been mentioned as a possiblity for the Batsuit.  Second, I'm surprised they haven't tried to change-up the whole concept and make a Batwoman movie, since eventually they'll run out of males to play the role.  Oh, crap, WB  is probably reading this!  I was kidding, don't...I...sigh.  I can hear the spec script being written now...

#9  Cinescape has reported that the new Carrie remake (sorry, sorry, sequel--I keep forgetting) is now called Carrie, Say You're Sorry.  Between this and Phantom Menace, I fear there's a bad title virus going around Hollywood, or what is happening here?  Somebody please develop a vaccine or something before it gets worse.

#10  The X-Files feature film has shown the creators of TV series that they can take the equivalent of a really bad two-hour episode and put it on the silver screen, serving to keep audiences watching so they'll find out how the cliffhanger ends.  Hence, the rumors abound about a Friends motion picture.  Can't you feel your flesh crawl when I say this: "Baywatch: The Motion Picture"  A dangerous precedent is set, my friends.  Run for the hills.

Okay, there you have it.  A glimpse inside the madness that is my psyche.  Just remember, brethren and sistren, I think these thoughts so YOU DON'T HAVE TO.  No, no--no need to thank me.  I just appreciate you guys putting up with my ravings while Pat's been gone.  If you miss me (and hey, who wouldn't? especially without a scope with crosshairs!), come by and see me at the Sleep Deprivation Institute, where we drink more coffee before 6:00am than most people do all day.  So until next time, this is the Widgeman, signing off from my underwater base somewhere off the coast, saying "Knowing may be half the battle, but the other half is kicking ass."  Now get on with your lives.

[Thanks to Cinescape and Cinematter for the fodder]

Widgett
Next in Line to Have a Ben & Jerry's Flavor Named After Him
Coming Attractions

who's standing in for

Patrick Sauriol
Creator, Chief Content Writer & Director
Coming Attractions

Got some neato items from the shoot? Parking passes, photos from the set?? Poster images, or the latest hot script making the rounds???
That's why we're here.

Send them to our mailing address:

Coming Attractions
7971 Burnfield Crescent
Burnaby, B.C., CANADA
V5E 2B8

FAX: (604) 517-4405

We'll do our best to get 'em on the page. (Just remember to poke air holes in the parcel if it's alive -- thanks.)

Looking for a cute, cuddly and completely unique gift? Come browse the selection of designer ornamental teddy bears - and say hello to Klondike Kate bear, Sherlock Holmes bear, and Grandma Bear! Each bear is lovingly hand-crafted, meticulously detailed - and no two are alike! Visit the Kootenay Bear Necessities online boutique to learn more!

Copyrights and trademarks for the film and related entertainment properties mentioned herein are held by their respective owners and are used with permission or solely for the promotional purposes of said properties. All other text and images copyright © 1995-98 Corona Productions. Last updated: Friday, 30-Oct-1998 15:06:36 PST. webmaster@corona.bc.ca