Where Have All the F&SF Adaptations Gone?
Welcome back, everyone. Please take your seats and strap yourselves in. That's right--it's the Widgeman in the cockpit again, since Pat is even as we speak on a worldwide speaking tour of Finland. And here I thought he knew less about organic chemistry than me. Sheesh. I mean, you think you know a guy.
Today I'm here to rant to you about the state of fantasy and science fiction literary works being sent to film. I speak to you both as one who writes in those genres from time to time (although I actually lean more toward horr--whoops, sorry--I mean, dark fantasy) and also as a rabid moviegoer.
Long Time Passing...
I remember back when I saw Jurassic Park for the first time. You know the scene where we first see a complete dino, standing up to get a bit of greens? I can't remember what kind of saurus specifically, apato or bronto--whatever. Regardless, most people in the audience probably said to themselves or their neighbor, "Holy crap! Look at that! An apato/brontosaurus!" Actually, that's wishful thinking--in this science-deprived world they probably thought, "Oooh! Look at the big doggie!" Sigh. Whatever, anyway, I was thinking instead about how we were on the cusp of being able to create the kind of worlds that had eluded creators of F&SF adaptations for decades. We could literally just create from scratch whatever we wanted for a film. Hell, word has it that most of SW1 is going to be CGI, and I've read articles advising "name" actors to copyright/trademark/something their image, lest after they die their features get mapped onto a CGI body double and used in a remake of Robot Monster or something, done in the computer-simulated style of Ridley Scott.
Ouch--why do I think of things like that?
So there I am, back in 1993, envisioning this F&SF utopian view of literary adaptations, knowing that with the technology would come the cinematic horn of plenty, spilling out all the Asimov, Heinlein, Niven--you name it, that a fanboy like me could want. So it's 1998--and what has transpired? I went to your friends and mine at the IMDB and searched on Sci-Fi and "based-on-novel" for those given years and got 15 hits. Among them were the much altered but rather lauded Contact, the much better than Bram Stoker's Dracula version of Frankenstein, the lamentable Lost World, two films no one wants to talk about (The Postman and Sphere), and the goofy Starship Troopers. There's others, of course, but that will serve my point. What the hell happened to my dream?
Gone to Development Hell everyone...
Just to satisfy my own curiosity, and because I have no life to speak of, I took a quick survey of Corona. I counted 39 films listed under the Fantasy and Science-Fiction genres that are adaptations of the written word, including novels, novellas, short stories and even comic books. Of those listed, 69% of them are designated as residing in Development Hell. Even those listed as "In Development" I counted as being in the underworld, because in my mind Orpheus may have finished bargaining, but he's not up the staircase, if you know what I mean. Another 18% are in the Script Stage. One, or 3% of the mix, is in Limbo.
How many are Greenlighted? Only 5% or two out of the bunch. How many are In the Can, waiting to pop onto your local cinema's screen at any moment? Again, 5%. Only two.
So I know you're saying, "Gee, Widge, that's great and all--but what the hell's your point?"
When Will They Ever Learn...?
I know what you're thinking--you're looking at the above line and saying to yourself, "Damn, self, here goes Widge off on another Hollywood-bashing spree. Get the kids and the gerbil into the storm shelter." But yeah, the They is probably Hollywood, but I'm not going to explode this time.
I wish I could tell you that I quickly and promptly got on the phone and called several sci-fi authors and asked them their opinion on this topic. I wish I could ask several Hollywood producers what the problem is over tea and crumpets. I wish I had never spent even a matinee price to see The Avengers this afternoon. But I digress. All this merely to say that what follows is purely conjecture and Widge making stuff up. I don't have to explain myself over at the Sleep Dep Institute--they're used to my B.S. over there.
What I think is going on is that no one thinks a "straight" F&SF movie will sell in this world of attention deficient whackos who think that theaters are their living room so they'll talk as loud as they want, or they think they can bring their kids in and let them scream through an entire reel. This is a world where it can't just be sci-fi or fantasy. We've got to have a f/sf action or comedy flick.
With action, Joel Silver, as Cinescape was kind enough to point out, is quoted as saying:
"Every 10 minutes there needs to be some kind of 'whammo,' or action beat, a gunshot, an explosion, a car chase or a fight, something that provides an adrenalin rush and gives the movie a sense of forward motion."
Now I would like to point out in Mr. Silver's defense that he's not making Merchant Ivory films--he's doing action. Hell, he gave us Die Hard, so he must know something about doing that particular genre correctly. But what I fear is that all of Hollywood thinks that way for all genres. For some examples, I've complained till you're blue in the face about how Deep Impact was turned into a pseudo-action flick instead of the human drama it should have been. A recent scoop on this very site regarding Man Plus talks about how one version of the script wanted there to be an antagonist "Man Plus" to allow for good fight scenes. Hell, Neil Gaiman's The Sandman is in limbo because Warner Brothers wants the Corinthian and Dream in a fist fight!
As for the comedic angle, look at Men in Black. Not an adaptation, but still Sci-Fi, right? It was this comedy which has started studios thinking about other sci-fi comedy ideas, and reportedly how Hitchhiker's Guide got rolling again. "Let's do MIB again...or at least something similar!" And therein lies the problem and what I was probably meandering toward--the Let's Do It Again syndrome.
If I had one thing to say to Hollywood (and I'll speak it instead of shrieking it, this time--yes, you're welcome) this evening it would be: Forget about the next franchise for a minute. Forget about the cheesy fast food tie-ins and how you can work in another toy vehicle (Bat-Pogo Stick, anyone?). Hell, even forget the script by committee routine. Just give us Stranger in a Strange Land and be true to the book. Just give us Ender's Game...without overblown catharsis. Just give us Fahrenheit 451...and don't muck with the ending. Or even fork over $60,000 to the Darren Aronofsky's of the world so they can freak us out with Pi and the like. And hey--we'll be there opening night with bells on, all us fanboy sci-fi fantasy whackos. And I'll lead the parade in, baton and all. Just try it once for me, okay?
Whoa--but I'm long-winded tonight. But hey, at least this was shorter than Titanic: The Musical. But that's another rant altogether. Until next time, this is Widge, who likes to roam the streets yelling "Come out, Neville!" just for the hell of it, saying "If you don't have a fish eye lens on your door, get one now before it's too late."
[Special thanks to Cinescape Online for the quote]
Widgett
Neo-Deconstructivist, Offical Corporate Scapecoat
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Patrick Sauriol
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