How many men  does it take to open a beer?  
None. It should be opened when she brings  it.
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Why is a  Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a  woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to  support you.  
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Why do women  have smaller feet than men?
It's one of  those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the  kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say  something smart?
When she  starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."  
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How do you fix a  woman's watch?
You don't.  There is a clock on the oven.  
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Why do men pass  gas more than women?
Because women  can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.  
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If your dog is  barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do  you let in first?
The dog, of  course. He'll shut up once you let him in.  
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What's worse  than a Male Chauvinist Pig?  
A woman who won't do what she's told  
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I married a Miss  Right.
I just didn't  know her first name was Always.  
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Scientists have  discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by  90%.
It's called a  Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die  before their wives?
They want to.  
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Women will never  be equal to men until they can  walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created  Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then,  neither God nor Man has rested.  
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