rasfw
Jordanites: thanks for all the fun.
Disclaimer: This is a work of parody. All the characters and events
mentioned in this dictionary are derivative, and any references to
real people and events are purely intentional.A note on dates in this dictionary: The Toman Calendar (devised by Toman dur Calendar) was adopted approximately two centuries after the destruction of the last Michael Jackson music video, recording years After Breakdancing (AB). So many records were destroyed in the Trolloc Wars that at their end there was argument about who had performed which song first. Records were also difficult to carry, so the Cassette Age (CA) was introduced. When Artur Hawkwing founded his empire, he found that the current calendar, which marked years from midwinter to midwinter, was inefficient for government planning. Why, it would often take his tax collectors six months to squeeze the royal levy out of everyone. To facilitate the scheduling of government projects, he attempted to establish the system of Fiscal Years (FY) under which years ran from Autumn to Autumn, allowing sufficient time to collect and distribute revenues following the end of the calendar year, but this is now known and referred to only by accountants. After the widespread debauchery, devilry and disruption of Song of the Hundred Beers (on the wall, take one off...) a fourth calendar was devised by Urin din Jubal Harsh Saw, and records years of the Now Ending era (NE).
If you just want to look for one definition, look at the Index .
An Aes Sedai not yet completely out of touch with the world. It normally takes 5 to 10 years to become this aloof. Accepted wear a Great Serpent ring, displaying it prominently on the middle finger of their left hand. Upon becoming full Aes Sedai, they may wear it upon any finger, although most wear it on the middle finger of the right or left hand. (See Aes Sedai .)
The people who live in the Aiel Waste. Their true name is the People of the Dragon, but this name is known only to those who have been to Rhuidean. The name Aiel is said to have been coined by a drunk clan chief to cover a slip of the tongue. According to legend, the clan chief said something about the people being named after a mythical beast that no one has ever seen or believes exists. When a Stone Dawg asked him what animal he was referring to, the clan chief answered with the name of a electrifying aquatic animal that he had heard of once in a gleeman's tale. (See Rhuidean .)
Societies among the Aes Sedai, to which
all Aes Sedai belong, except
the Amyrlin Seat who is the sole member of the Rainbow Ajah. They are
designated by colors: Blue, Red, White, Green, Brown, Yellow, and Gray
Ajah. Each follows a specific philosophy of the use of the Power and
the purposes of the Aes Sedai.
For example, the
Red Ajah
bends all its
energies to finding men who can channel and gentling them, so that they
cannot spread the truth, which the Reds see as vicious lies. The
White Ajah
loses touch with the world by dedicating itself to questions of
philosophy and truth, which have no application to the real world. The
Brown Ajah, on the other hand, knowingly forsakes involvement
with the world
to see knowledge and study history, which any fool knows will repeat itself
anyway, so why bother studying the past? The Blue Ajah mucks around with
causes, manipulating governments and societies for their own benefit and
personal pleasure. The Yellow is primarily interested in healing, but
seldom affiliates with 'regular people', so they're not much good. The
Gray likes settling arguments, but as everyone knows, the best way to
settle an argument in your own favor is to start it and blame it all
on someone else. In this way, the Grays are like the Blues, but much
craftier. The Green Ajah talks about preparing for battle, but its main
interest is in meeting guys. There are rumors of a
Black Ajah
dedicated
to serving Ishamael's 'needs', but these rumors are hotly denied.
A country in southeastern Randland, home of the Children of the Light. The King is essentially a puppet of the Children. Laws are strict and punishments are draconian. For example, cattle rustling is punishable by branding (with a white-hot iron), while attempted suicide is punishable by death. Beating a woman carries a penalty of losing one's hand, except if she's your wife, in which case the penalty is only a fine of 1 silver mark. The surplus forelimbs are given to the Questioners, properly known as the Hand of the Light. (See Whitecloaks , Children of the Light .)
A man who didn't learn to fly before he hit the ground.
Twice and thrice shall he change faith,
twice to Light, and thrice to Dark,
Once to Light, to build his cliff,
Twice to Light: the blade of grass.
Once to Shadow, to name him true.
Twice to Shadow, to be undone.
Thrice to Shadow, for the final fall.
A woman of the Bitter Water sept of the Doodad Aiel. She seems to have spent an inordinate amount time watching Elayne's body while in Tear. (See Sniffer .)
A truly rotten man, destroyed by the environmentalist party.
Also known as the Netweaver, his net caught a woman who unwove his thread from the pattern.
Also known as the Jenn Ajah, since Aes Sedai were servants to all, and unlike the other Ajahs, the Black Ajah still serves, even if it is a different master. (See Ajah .)
The evil wind that stalks the Ways, said to have once been a gentle, caressing breeze before being possessed by the soul of Steven King. (See Machin Shin & Ways .)
Desolated lands surrounding Shayol Ghul, beyond the Great Blight, comprised of Long Island, New Jersey, Connecticut and Westchester County. (See Shayol Ghul & Great Blight .)
The lands bordering the Great Blight, comprised of Pennsylvania, Ontario, Quebec and Vermont. (See Great Blight & Blasted Lands )
[Bob Dylan: "Times They Are A Changing"]
The line, it is drawn, the taint, it is cast
The Dark One will later break fast
And the present Age will soon be the past
The order is rapidly fading
The first one now will soon be the last
For the times, they are a Breaking....
A fragment from a song allegedly popular during the Time of Madness,
author unknown.
The playground of the Houses playing the Great Game.
[Animals: "House Of The Rising Sun"]
There is a Hill in Cairhien, they call the Golden Dawn,
it's been the ruin of many a noble,
and me, Great Lord, I'm one.
My mother is a Mother, she patches cuts and scrapes,
my husband he's a gambling man,
drinks down in the Foregate.
My husband is a gambler, he goes from town to town,
the only time he's satisfied is when
he drinks his liquor down.
Go tell my baby sister, never do what I have done,
shun that Game in Cairhien,
Land of the Rising Sun.
One foot on the platform, the other's on the barge,
I'm going back to Cairhien,
to play Daes Dae'mar.
Going back to Cairhien, my race is almost run,
I'm going to spend the rest of my life,
beneath that Rising Sun.
Devout soldiers who bring out the worst in people, all for the common good.
In the Old Tongue, the Return, or The Day of His Return.
"Asking nothing do I serve against the day of his Coming,
yet do I serve in the sure and certain hope of life everlasting.
Surely the faithful shall be exalted in the land,
exalted above the unbelievers,
exalted above thrones,
yet do I humbly serve against the Corenne.
Swift come the Corenne.
Swift come the Great Lord of the Dark to guide us and rule the
world forever and ever."
Old Tongue for Submissive One. Certain Seanchan women who are willingly held prisoner by means of an a'dam and used by the Seanchan for 'many' purposes. (See A'dam, Marath'damane , & Sul'dam .)
Vile, depraved people who scorn the internetters who seek the Light and worship the Creator.
One of the Forsaken, one whose strengths are invisibility and inconspicuity. (See Forsaken & Sir not appearing in this Book.)
Rand al'Thor, a man soon to have three wives and worse: three mothers-in-law.
"The Light shine on you, and the Creator shelter you.
The Last embrace of the Mother welcome you home."
Viren R. Shah, Far Aldazar Din
Heavier than a mountain, lighter than a feather, and smaller than a breadbox.
A seaport on the Sea of Storms known for its wild nightlife. A popular Spring Break vacation spot.
[Indigo Girls: "Closer To Fine"]
I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between Dark and Light
The best thing you ever done for me
Is to help me free my life from Shadar Logoth;
Twas lonely life, Aridhol
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I cast my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of hatred till I sank it, I'm trapped by Mashadar.
Chorus:
I went to the Dark One, I went to his mountain
I looked for the children, I gazed on his fountain
There's more than one person for these actions pointing me in
a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to Fain
The closer I am to Fain
I went to see the Tower of Aes Sedai
With a triptych of red Bonwhin and a drawing from the west
She never did bonding or use a manly Warder
She fell for my performance, she thought she could see through me
I spent four weeks prostrate to the Amyrlin, got my dagger
And I was free!
Chorus
I went by the Ways to Toman Head.
To sow dark plans in a High Lord, or possibly an Empress
I wound up using Whitecloaks like I used Darkfriends before
To scourge the Two Rivers, to flay them was the goal
I went in seeking Rand al'Thor.
I went to the Dark One, I went to his mountain
I looked for the children, I gazed on his fountain
We went to the Dark One, we went to his mountain
We looked for the children, we gazed on his fountain
Yeah, we're free from the Dark One, we're free from the Shadow
We're free from Aridhol and we hooked up with the Shaido
There's more than one person for these actions pointing me in
a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to Fain
The closer I am to Fain
The closer I am to Fain
"Closer to Fain", composed by Indigo Maidens, from "Songs of the Dragon"
An Aiel warrior society composed solely of women with dirty minds. (See Maidens' Kiss .)
Subject of many books and stories, the most notable being an exhaustive
travelogue compiled from his notes by Joode Ji'ardelhi titled
"Gallivanting About the Glove." Believed to have tailed Moiraine
on the way to Baerlon (See TEotW, Cover), and suspected of being a
former Warder and wolfbrother, and disguising himself as Silvie in
Tel'aran'rhiod, as well as being the true identity of Padan Fain.
Currently believed to being residing in
the Mountains of Mist near Eldrene's Veil, though some believe he is
currently undercover working on an expose of mistreatment of animals and
violation of labor laws disguised as a handsome menagerie owner. Other
known identities are a sheep farmer from the Two Rivers, the false dragon
Mazrim Taim, a sex slave for Graendal, and some fat guy named Bob.
Believed to have a weakness for marches by Jon Philip Susa.
The screams of agony heard at regular periods in Tel'aran'rhiod, as some unsuspecting fool asks the question Isn't there a Jordan newsgroup for this junk? (See Tel'aran'rhiod .)
[Dylan Thomas: "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"]
Do not go gentled into that good night,
Each Age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the taint.
Though wise men at their end know Dark is right,
Because their words had channeled no lightning they
Do not go gentled into that good night.
The Dragons, who were not true, cried how bright
Their frail flows might have danced on a final day,
Raged, raged against the dying of the taint.
Wilders, who caught and sang the Light in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentled into that good night.
Halfmen, undead, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the taint.
And you, Great Lord, there in your fiery deep,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentled into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the taint.
Dalon Tomas
A region in the far north, entirely corrupted by the Dark One. Comprised of the Upstate regions of New York State. (See Shayol Ghul .)
A foolish search in a vain attempt to keep the Horn of Valere from the hands - and mouth - of the Shadow. (See Horn of Valere .)
The name by which Darkfriends refer to the Dark One, claiming that to type his true name would be blasphemous.(See Naming the Dark One .)
"In the last, suborn fight
'gainst the fall of long Light,
the mountains stand guard,
and the dead shall be My ward,
for their graves are no bar to My call."
A hitherto unknown Dark Prophecy
Photosynthetic process consisting of the Dark (Shadow) cycle and the Light cycle.
The illustrious and devoted manager of the FAQ . The FAQ is available via anonymous ftp at linuxmafia.com in /pub/jordan.
The Jordan collection, sold at Victoria's Secret and other fine stores.
[Indigo Girls: "Land of Canaan"]
You can go to the Waste,
to find your, your love of power.
You say we can supplant the Dark One babe,
You're bound to realize, Honey, it's not that clear.
I'm not your promised land
I'm not your Chosen one
I'm not your Car'a'carn, Lanfear,
Waiting for you under the sun.
Lanfear's Chorus:
I'm lonely tonight, I'm missing you now.
I'm wanting your love and you're giving it out.
I'm lonely tonight, I'm lonely tonight, I'm lonely tonight.
Well the meanings changed (for what it's worth),
it's just a senseless Game.
I should think of love, but it's fear every time I hear
your heartbeat strain.
It's not the Forsaken,
It's not the Wheel of Time,
It's just the Cairhien skyline
telling me you're not mine.
Lanfear's Chorus
My blood is running dry,
My skin is, my skin is growing thin
For every time I find that void
I lose a little bit of me, to Lews Therin.
It's just the Karaethon cycle, why can't we
bring it all to Tarmon Gai'don.
Filled inside with saidin, Lanfear,
Ta'maral'ailen is not on my side.
Lanfear's Chorus
I'm not your promised land, I'm not your Chosen one.
I'm not your promised land, I'm not your Chosen one.
I'm not your Car'a'carn, Lanfear,
I'm not your Car'a'carn, Lanfear,
I'm not your Car'a'carn, Lanfear.
Waiting for you by the Rising Sun, I'm lonely tonight.
Car'a'carn, composed by Indigo Maidens, from Songs of the Dragon
A Lugard gal, she came to town, to see what she could see.
With a wink of her eye, and a smile on her lip,
she bared it all to me, to me.
With an ankle slim, and skin so pale,
I became the owner of her slip, her slip.
With a soft little sigh, and a gay little laugh,
I had my way so free. So free.
In the Old Tongue, Seeker. Name of a man seeking to lead a Tuatha'an caravan.
The way foolish young men shave their beards. (See Far Dareis Mai .)
A region, once one of the Borderlands, now consumed by the Great Blight. Comprised of the Finger Lakes region of Central New York. (See Great Blight .)
A thorn removed from the Dark One's foot, and a bramble removed from the Dark One's hand.
The capitol city of Saldaea, located exactly 26.9 leagues from nowhere.
In the Old Tongue, One Who Must Be Dominated. (See Damane .)
[Billy Joel: "A Minor Variation"]
When bubbles want to find me, I ain't hard to find
They know where I am.
Like a pack of Darkhounds running the Wild Hunt
They tear up a man.
But I'm a lucky man
So now it don't really matter
More of the same thing
Don't even hurt it's all part of the Pattern
But still in all it's a small consolation
I didn't want to be a bloody ta'veren.
Ain't no way to fight it, darling
Ain't no way around it, baby
Ain't no way to lose it, honey
Nowhere to hide and believe me I've tried to shake it.
I'm getting to the point where I don't feel the tug
And I've had enough
I'm ready for the next time it pulls me again
'Cause I've been lucky
It doesn't faze me.
But now it's made my decision
I must be crazy.
It's not as though I don't know what condition
Until I'm through with this flaming situation
Pass me the wine, I'm just a bloody ta'veren.
From A Bloody Ta'veren, composed by Bil al'Jol, a member of the
Band of the Red Hand.
A tiny spider with a tendency to get tangled in her own webs.
[CCR: "Proud Mary"]
Left a good House in Cairhien
Workin' for the Light every night and day,
But I never lost a minute of sleepin'
Worryin' 'bout the way things might have been
Big Wheel keep on turnin'
Great Serpent keep on eatin'
Rollin', rollin', rollin' through the Ages.
Cleaned a lot of plates in Tar Valon,
Pumped a lot of water onto my Gaidin
But I never saw the bad side of the Dragon
'Til I walked the rings down in Rhuidean.
Big Wheel keep on turnin'
Proud Moiraine keep on burnin'
Burnin', burnin', burnin' by the river.
If you come down to the river
Bet we're gonna find a future to live
You don't have to worry 'bout hurting a woman,
People of the Dragon are happy to give.
Big Wheel keep on turnin'
Ta'veren keep on pullin'
Weavin', weavin', weavin' the Lace of Ages.
Proud Moiraine, composed by Blin'da Ay'Bel,
performed by Emond's Manetheren Revival,
from Songs of the Dragon
A young women who takes antihistamines to combat her Feminine Nasal Disorder[TM]. It works some of the time, but it not completely effective. She sometimes suffers from a side effect, namely prophetic hallucinations. (See Sniffer .)
A women, now wiser than when she was the Wisdom of Emond's Field. (See Sniffer .)
When they're in a bad mood, though, they've been know to ask things like the airspeed of a 747 or the data transfer rate of a magtape.
An Aiel, clan chief of the Doodad Aiel, and the host of Fantasy Island.
A land where the Queens have a hankering for dirty-dancing.
Dae! Saldae-saldae-saldae-Saldaea
Dey like come and they wanna go home.
From the Ice-Pepper Boat Song, author unknown.
In the Age of Legends, where the Aes Sedai met their Aiel servants.
One whose name should be neither spoken nor written. (See Naming the Dark One .)
A country, one of the borderlands, much colder than the Plains of Shiner. Lamps are lit each night to help spot the light-blinded fools who scale the walls, and people are not allowed to wear their baseball caps backwards. (See Illuminators .)
An Aiel headpiece that leaves only the face uncovered. Dav Let'mon:The shoufa is not for sale!
The inborn ability to lose touch with the world. (See Aes Sedai .)
The process by which Two Rivers brandy is produced. (See Bel Tine .)
The great fortress in the city of Tear. It has never been successfully removed, despite countless attempts to do so over the years. (See Tear .)
Old Tongue for Bitch With The Leash. The dominant member of a Seanchan lesbian bondage pair. (See Sul'dam .)
In the Trolloc Tongue, Spill the blood of, as in Tai'Shar Manetheren! (See Manetheren .)
In the Old Tongue, "Kidney of the World". (See Stone of Tear .)
An eternally fog-shrouded valley below the slopes of Shayol Ghul, where Trolloc forges make weapons that take a taint from that place. Generally rumored to be either under the East River or around Wall Street, though some claim it is near Hoboken. (See Shayol Ghul .)
A wandering people who drive brightly painted wagons and dress in garish clothes, including tab collars, wide ties, bellbottoms, polyester leisure suits, and platform heels. They follow a totally pacifist philosophy called the Way of the Leaf, also known as the Covenant of the Seventies, or Flower Power. They travel in search of The Song, which was lost during the Breaking of the World; Historians suspect the song is of a variety called Disco. They steal children in exchange for mending pots, and have a penchant for smoking tabac. (See Tabac & Tuatha'an .)
The correct source, as opposed to the previous versions of the source. See sccs(1).
In the Old Tongue, Seventies Preservation Society. (See Tinkers .)
In the village and towns, the male civic leaders who would handle the towns affairs quite well if it wasn't for the meddling interference of the Women's Circle. (See Women's Circle .)
It lurked among the untrodden Ways
Beyond the gates by grove,
A wind born to that darken'd maze:
Twas not a child of love.
An evil by the Guiding stone,
Half hidden from the eye.
Dark as the night, when not one light
Is shining in the sky.
It blows alone, and few can know
How many ceased to be;
But they are in Shadow, and, oh,
The difference to me!
Wilim son of Word son of Zworth, famed Ogier poet of Stedding Tofu.
Time is a Wheel with seven lugnuts, each lugnut an Age.
[Journey: "Wheel in the Sky"]
Lanfear is here again, oh lord
Haven't been home in a year or more
I hope she won't be around much longer
Sent two letters from across the waste,
A Fox of gray, a door of clay
Ooh, I'm going through this redstone door
The Wheel of Time keeps on turnin'
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Oh, The Wheel of Time keeps on turnin'
I've been trying to make it home
Got to make it before too long
I can't take this very much longer
I'm stranded in the Eelfinn plane.
Don't think I'm ever gonna make it home again
The mornin' sun is risin'
This Cairhien day...
Oh, The wheel of Time keeps on turnin'
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Ooo the fires of heaven keep on burnin'
-- The Wheel of Time, composed by Jorn Naeh.
Conservative backlash to Affirmative Action practices amongst the Aes Sedai.
Accepted
Aes Sedai
Age of Legends
Aginor
Aiel
Aiel Waste
Ajah
Amadicia
Amyrlin Seat
Andor
Angreal
Arad Doman
Asmodean
Avendesora
Aviendha
Balthamel
Ba'alzamon
Be'lal
Bel Tine
Black Ajah
Black Wind
Blasted Lands
Borderlands
Breaking of the World
Cadin'sor
Caemlyn
Cairhien
Callandor
Car'a'carn
Carallain
Channel
Children of the Light
Corenne
Couladin
Council of the Nine
Cuendillar
Daes Dae'mar
Damane
Dark One
Darkfriends
Darkhounds
Demandred
Dragon
Dragon
Dragon Reborn
Dragon's Fang
Dreadlords
Dreamer
Dreamwalker
Duty
Ebou Dar
Egwene
Elayne
Fain, Padan
Far Dareis Mai
Farstrider
Fires of Heaven
Five Powers
Flame of Tar Valon
Forsaken
Gentling
Gleeman
Graendal
Gray Man
Great Blight
Great Hunt for the Horn
Great Lord of the Dark
Great Serpent
Hawkwing
Heron-Mark Sword
Horn of Valere
Hundred Companions
Illian
Illuminators
Ishamael
James Parry
Ji'e'toh
Kadere
Karaethon Cycle
Keeper of the Chronicles
Lace of Ages
Lan
Lanfear
Loial
Lugard
Machera
Machin Shin
Mahdi
Maidens' Kiss
Malkier
Manetheren
Maradon
Marath'damane
Mashadar
Matrim Cauthon
Mayene
Moghedien
Moiraine
Min
Myrddraal
Naming the Dark One
Novice
Nynaeve
Oaths
Ogier
Old Tongue
One Power
Pattern of an Age
Perrin Aybara
Piglet
Questioners
Rahvin
Red Ajah
Rand al'Thor
Rhuarc
Rhuidean
Sa'Angreal
Saidar
Saidin
Saldaea
Sammael
Sea Folk
Seanchan
Seekers for Truth
Semirhage
Servants, Hall of the
Shadar Logoth
Shai'Tan
Shara
Shayol Ghul
Shienar
Shoufa
Sniffer
Spark
Spine of the World
Stedding
Stilling
Stone of Tear
Sul'dam
Tabac
Taint
Tai'Shar
Talents
Tanchico
Tarmon Gai'don
Tar Valon
Ta'veren
Tear
Tel'aran'rhiod
Thakan'dar
Tinkers
Treesinger
Trollocs
True Source
Tuatha'an
Two Rivers
Village Council
War of the Shadow
Warder
Ways
Wheel of Time
White Ajah
White Tower
Whitecloaks
Wilder
Wisdom
Wise Ones
Women's Circle
Zarine Bashere