IF YOU SPOT E.T...CALL THE COPS!

Monday, July 8th, 1996
Source: The Sun newspaper
JUST what WOULD the mighty United States do if aliens invaded?

Anxious to reassure a public spooked by the film Independence Day, the military has been outlining its strategies.

They are NOT very reassuring. Air Force Colonel Mack McLaurin, head of the Pentagon's UFO office, says: "Our policy is that if someone sights an alien craft their first action should be to call the police."

"Call us!" cries Officer Ken Bryson, of the Washington police force. "What are we supposed to do? Write them a ticket?"

Perhaps this would be an occasion for the world to team up and fight back.

Well, the United Nations does have an Office of Outer Space Affairs.

What it does NOT have is an anti-alien invasion plan.

Missiles

UN spokesman in New York admits: "I haven't a clue what we'd do." Neither does the White House.

President Bill Clinton's spokesman Mike McCurry says: "Looking on the bright side, I guess the aliens would at least knock Whitewater off the front pages."

Project Blue Book was the Pentagon's UFO response plan, but it was scrapped in 1969 because it was impractical.

"How can you effectively prepare for something you don't know exists?" asks Colonel McLaurin.

Space buffs suggest ballistic missiles could be fired at incoming alien craft.

But most scientists fear the missiles would take out the earth as well as knocking out visiting space beings.

The consensus among government boffins and army generals is that the world would have to reach "an accommodation" with the invaders.

In other words...SURRENDER!

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