8. DO NOT be stoned or drunk when you call us. You wouldn't
think this would need to actually be said, but believe me
it's come up. For goodness sakes, if you can't control
yourself and must call, at least have the common courtesy
to offer us some.
9. DO NOT tell us that this just happened on its own, as
if your computer suddenly was inspired to break for no
reason. Simply admit what you did to cause this, so we can
help you fix it that much faster. Trying to salvage your
pride will only make it worse, because we will find out
what you did anyway, and then we will REALLY be annoyed at
you for wasting our time.
10. DO NOT expect us to educate you in the most simple
aspects of using a computer. If you can't figure out the
difference between a right-click and a double-click, then
you really shouldn't be using one in the first place. If
you insist on doing so anyway, then take a class. Or you
can pay us $35 an hour to teach you, because we won't do
it for free.
A few "Tech" Terms to get your year started off right!
"486"
The typical IQ needed to understand any PC.
"State of the Art"
Any computer you can't really afford and your wife does not want you to buy.
(NOTE: See Nanosecond, Obsolete, Syntax Error and GHZ)
"Obsolete"
The term describing any computer you have purchased.
[NOTE: See Nanosecond]
"Nanosecond"
The time it takes for your "State of the Art" computer to
become obsolete.
"G4"
Apple's new line of Macintosh Computers that make you say "Gee, that's four
times faster than the Macintosh computer I bought for over twice that price
a mere Nanosecond ago." (NOTE: See Obsolete)
"Syntax Error"
Walking into any computer store and saying "Hello, I would like to buy the
fastest computer you have, and money is NO object!"
"Hard Drive"
The oft used sales tactic by commission based computer salesmen,
commonly seen immediately after someone has made a "Syntax Error."
"GHZ - pronounced GIGA-Hurts"
The new physical / mental condition that occurs the "Nanosecond" after you
have bought the "State of the Art" computer. (Which of course happened after
making the afore mentioned "Syntax Error" and then listening to the
salesmen's "Hard Drive.")