Hello Rerr! Wee Boaby here! How are Ye all Doing?
I jist had tae Write to let Ye all know of a recent
Experience that I had. It all started when the Better half, Ella, Decided
That after 30 years of Marital Bliss, The Auld bitch
Wid up and off, For a couple of weeks to look after
Hur Auntie Nellie, Fae Dumbarton, Who Cut her foot
Rather badly, After standing on an Empty Carlesberg
Bottle lying on the Living room Floor! Now am no a Wee boy, And am quite capable of looking
after maself, So no problem I thought! But after
about 4 days, I suddenly realised that the Kitchen
Cupboard was getting a bit bare, And there was no
clean plates left!, Time for a visit to the Shops! Now I have to admit, My experience of shopping over
the past 30 years, Has consisted of popping into the
corner shop for 20 Embassy, The Daily Record and maybe
Half a Dozen rolls. So when I ventured into the local
Super Market, I was amazed at how things had changed!
Soft lights,Background Music, And loads upon loads
of big Signs!
Now it was the last one that caught my attention,
Whit a good idea! It keeps the youth of Today off the
Streets, And it has to be a better career, Than mugging
Pensioners, Or selling contraband Baccy down the Barra's So once I got maself squared up, Straightened the Bonnet
and had a firm grip on the trolly, Off I went, Up and
Down the aisles looking for ma Shopping! After about Half an Hour I struggled up to the till
and put ma goods on the wee elevator thing! 2 bottles
of Grouse, 6 cans of Export, 1 packet of Paper Plates
and a bag of Tatties! OH YES! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE
THINKING! - But I've never liked those Bloody Frozen
Chips! Well after all I am a man of Quality! Anyway I hands over my cash, Bags up the Messages and
Asks if I can get it taken to my car? NO PROBLEM, SIR- Said the wee wuman, Without moving
off her Arse, Speaks into a Microphone and
The next thing a wee boy appears, Grabs my bags
and heads for the door! As I left the Store, Feeling rather Pleased we masel
The wee boy was standing there, And said "Where's your
car parked Mister?" "It's in the Garage outside ma Hoose
I says to him", Then he muttered something about "Silly
old Bastards", Dropped my bags into a trolly and went
back inta the store! As luck would have it, The Manager
was at the desk, And I explained to him the Problem!
Only he was am Orential Gentleman and I couldn't
Understand half of what he was saying! The Bit I could
understand I didn't like, And I presented him the
Glasgow Kiss! And was in the process of Strangling him
With his ASDA tie when a Wuman Employee explained
That a Car-Park Patron, Was someone who uses the Car
Park and it had nothing to do with the Pope! Well it
was a understandable mistake, But would he shake hands?
NO! He would call Security and have me Removed, All this
Despite the fact that it never said on his Bluddy Sign
That your car HAD to be in the Car-Park! Just to end a miserable day, After I picked myself off
The road, Where Security Dumped me, And Dusted myself
Down, Ther was no sign of my Shopping! Some Dirty
Bugger had NABBED it. So if YOU are reading this?