The grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand men, he
marched them up to the top of the hill, then he marched them
down again, and when they were up they were up, and when they
were down they were down, and when they were only half-way up,
they were.....sod that for a laugh they all said, we're off to
the bleeding pub.
Three blind mice, see how they run, they all run after the
farmers wife who cut off their tails with a carving
knife......right, were's that bloody phone number for the
RSPCA, the bloody cruel cow.
Hickory Dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock, the clock
struck one, and deafened the little bastard, and it fell off
and broke it's back on the floor....
Old Mother Hubbard she went to the cupboard to get her poor
doggy a bone, but when she got there the cupboard was bare, so
the doggy bit her bloody leg off.
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great
fall, all the kings horses and all the kings men tried to put
Humpty back together, but they gave up, said sod it and all
pissed off to the local tavern.
Ride a cock-horse to Banbury cross, where you'll see a
beautiful lady on a white horse, she'll have rings on her
fingers and bells on her toes....(she's a bloody tart)......tell
her that Steve sent you and she'll give you a 15 per cent
discount.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water,
Jack fell down and broke his crown and.....then kicked Jill's
arse for pushing him down the bleeding hill.
There was a poor little bird on the ground one day, he had
a broken wing, and he also had a broken leg, poor little soul
couldn't sing and he couldn't fly.....useless bleeder.
I was in the garden last summer, I walked to the vegetable
patch, in the heat of the day the air was still and quiet, my
ears picked up the faint sobbing and crying of what I at first
thought was a child crying some houses away, but as I walked
around the veggie patch my ears pin-pointed the sound to a
beautiful blue-headed flower, were, upon it, was a small red
Ladybird crying and sobbing it's little heart out (no, please
don't laugh yet), anyway, I sensed that this very small
creature could speak, so I asked her why she was so upset, she
replied (in between tears) that she had no mommy, no daddy or
brothers and sisters, they were all dead, murdered by a
lawnmower that very same morning, I told her that God loved
her, she seemed to stop crying and asked "Does He", "Yes he
does" I replied, "do you want to meet him?" "Oh, yes please" so I
squashed her.....
Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul
was he, he called for his pipe, and he called for his drum and
he called for his fiddlers three.....the reply was, piss off
you old fart, get it all yourself.